


Lab notes

by lilyrose14



Series: Lab notes [1]
Category: 00Q - Fandom, James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: And really really angsty (Be warned), BAMF James, BAMF Q, Because Bond is violent- comes with being a spy, Canonical Bond violence, Complete, Eve to the rescue, Fluff and Angst, James and Q make things complicated, Lots of sex (just warning you), M/M, Post-SPECTRE, SPECTRE Fix-It, seriously fluffy in some parts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-09-25 00:07:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 53
Words: 214,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9793733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilyrose14/pseuds/lilyrose14
Summary: James comes back after Spectre to find Q doing sketchy experiments in the lab late at night.Complications abound as they try to figure out how in the world to navigate the challenges of being MI6's genius but commitment phobic quartermaster with the dangers that surround the Queen's deadliest but absolutely smitten double 0 agent.And this is a horrible summary, because clearly I've written a lot of words and it's about a whole lot more then what I've written above.





	1. Lab tests

**Author's Note:**

> It's complicated...

Chapter 1: Lab tests

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Experiment to determine latex longevity. Decay rates, strength, elasticity, torsion and stress tests to be carried out in triplicate. For experimental design see details below. Results inconclusive due to interruption. 

~~~

Q pulled the box out of the drawer in his nightstand and looked at the expiration date. A year, they were a full year beyond their recommended usage. Bloody hell, had it really been that long? He didn’t think these things even had expiration dates. He pulled a strip out, his scientific curiosity getting the better of him. Did they become brittle? These weren’t lubricated, but if the seal was intact that shouldn’t matter should it? The length of silver packets caught the eye of Penelope, her amber eyes going black as she lept and suddenly cat claws were grabbing at the foil. 

“Shoo,” he hissed yanking them back up, expired or not, holes from cat claws would certainly make them useless. Q eyed the bin besides his bed and debating about dropping them inside, but then thought again, engineers had ways of testing things, and Q was curious. 

~~~

Several nights later, working late as usual in his MI6 office Q decided it was safe. He was the only one in Q branch, it was well after midnight and as he did a quick perusal of the CCTV monitors in the building he smirked, grabbed his shoulder bag and headed for the lab. 

“Right” he huffed quietly. He had been thinking about this off and on for days and had a list of experiments he had jotted down, now gathering supplies. First he needed to make a number of short round ended dowels. Standing in front of the supply cart he quirked his jaw sideways, holding up his fingers as he touched the tip of his middle finger to the tip of his thumb, debating circumference. He glanced down at his own trousers and frowned. Bigger? Smaller? He separated distance between his fingertips, could he touch his fingertips together when he wrapped his hand around his own penis? Q tried to remember his last boyfriend, Sam had been a bit bigger then he was, he cupped his hand trying to remember what it felt like to hold someone else, the weight in his hand. He shook his head, this was ridiculous, he grabbed his smart phone and googled average penis circumference, then regretted it immediately realizing he should have been more specific, average penis circumference of a horse was unhelpful and average penis circumference of a sperm whale was just down right alarming. A quick edit to specify human and he promptly grabbed the 4.5 inch dowel rod and headed to the miter saw in the back of the lab. He cut six of them at one foot each, and decided he’d need to sand down the top to make a rounded head or he’d destroy the condoms just trying to put them on. Saw dust flying, Q frowned realizing splinters would also ruin his results, “should have just bought dildos” he murmured to himself debating about whether a quick coat of paint would smooth the wood enough to make his personally fashioned foot long rounded hard maple wooden penises usable for his tests. 

Every good scientific experiment needs controls, which meant Q pulled out the silver strip of expired condoms, all twenty of them since he hadn’t used a damn one of them, as well as a brand new box he had just purchased. If there was something wrong with the old ones, he’d only be able to identify it if he compared them to brand new ones. 

First up, the dissecting microscope, he’d run the experiment in triplicate. Sliding a new condom over one of his lab made round topped wooden penises he placed it under the microscope and brought it into focus, snapping pictures through the digital camera that fed directly to his laptop. Imaging software running, he left the laptop to compare the pictures looking for discrepancies in the material; holes, thinning of the latex and other variables he programmed the software to look for then he turned to set up his next tests. 

Next up strength, tear resistance, and elasticity tests. It occurred to him that the point of the piston test was really to study how well the condoms stood up to repeated abrasion and pressure and Q was struggling to figure out what he could use as a surrounding material. Strength and elasticity test perhaps first then. He fitted the wooden rod into the machine, condom in place then secured the condom to the clips that would hold it in place while the rod was slowly pushed forward by the piston. Turning the machine on it hummed loudly and Q set the force limits to take the first measurement. 

“What are you doing Q?” came the voice quietly by his ear. 

Q jerked upright, his hand twisting the dial that controlled the pressure of the piston shoving the rod forward too fast and sending it shooting across the room at high speed, a condom encased projectile that thunked loudly as it hit the hall. Q jumped back two feet, his entire body jolted with adrenaline putting distance between himself and the now laughing double agent who stood in front of him. 

“Bond! What are you doing here?” Q’s eyes quickly darted across the table, open foil packs of condoms littered the surface, then to the machine still running and finally to the condom covered dowel that James was now picking up to analyze having strode across the room to recover it. 

“Came to check up on you,” James grinned, “didn’t expect to find you playing with condoms. New invention for the field? Trying to make them into weapons now?”

Q stammered, fighting the blush on his cheeks, James Bond was the last person he wanted to be discussing condoms with. It was his ridiculous infatuation with Bond that had been the reason for the expired box in his night stand. Q had tried to convince himself that it was the long work hours because now that he was Quartermaster at MI6 he would never find time for a relationship, but it wasn’t true. 

When Bond had shown up in Q’s research lab after bringing down Blofeld and Spectre, asking for the rebuilt Aston Martin to then disappear with Madeleine Swann, Q had acquiesced. He’d let the man take the sports car, knowing he’d get in trouble with Tanner and M, knowing Moneypenny would see straight through him, and still he had watched Bond drive away. Because he couldn’t say no to the man, not really, he had tried, the exploding pen had become a joke, a shared tease between them, but when James really wanted, needed something Q always said yes. Q had always known that his crush on Bond was ridiculous, that it would never be returned, Bond would never be interested in him, but it didn’t mean that his crush was something he could just turn off. 

Q ran a shaky hand through his unruly mop of dark brown waves, straightened his glasses, then squared his shoulders as he tugged the front of his plum colored cardigan down. He swallowed once trying to calm his vocal chords. “You don’t work here anymore, my experiments are on a need to know basis, and you don’t need to know.” 

“Well, actually I do work here,” James smirked as he approached Q, tossing the condom covered dowel back and forth between his open palms. “I’m back Q. Aren’t you happy to see me?”

“Did you stop by to return the car?” Q quipped, reaching out to take the dowel from Bond, setting it down and then turning to gather everything on the table, hoping his hands weren’t visibly shaking. 

“That was my car.” Bond answered calmly. “I’m not planning to return it.”

“It was your car, until you blew it up at Skyfall and then I rebuilt it with parts from my car shop and my budget, so now it’s my car.” Q replied with a bit of a bitter clip to his words. The adrenaline was wearing off, coupled with the late hour and lack of food, Q found himself biting back an overwhelming desire to turn around and punch Bond in the face, the anger that was swelling up taking him by surprise.

Bond stopped, narrowing his icy blue eyes as he tilted his head to study Q. He could see how nervous Q was, as he quickly swept all the refuse, not into the garbage bin, but into his briefcase. “You mean its MI6’s car, not actually yours. Right?” 

“Yes, MI6’s, of course I know it’s not MINE!” Q whirled back to face Bond. “If you didn’t bring the car back, then again I ask, why are you here?” Q needed to escape, he needed fresh air, he needed to deal with the anxiety that was flooding his system.

“To see you.” Bond answered quietly. 

“At 3 a.m.?” Q’s eyes darted to the clock, yep, it was now well after 3 a.m. “And just why did you think I’d be here now?”

Bond’s eyes twinkled as he smirked at Q, reaching behind him to retrieve the still condom clad dowel that Q had neglected to grab. Holding it up for Q to see as Q hugged his briefcase to his chest, now having to reach out to snag the damn thing away from him again. “Well, I stopped by your flat, but you weren’t there, so I figured you’d be here.” 

A quick flicker of emotion across Q’s face and then he immediately schooled himself, his face settling into a scowl. “You broke into my flat again didn’t you.” He didn’t even phrase it as a question. “Stopping by someone’s flat and not getting an answer to a doorbell at 3 a.m. doesn’t mean they aren’t home.” Q watched the smirk on Bond’s face spread into a full smile, an intentionally seductive, flirtatious smile. Nope, this wasn’t happening. “You know what, it doesn’t matter. Whatever reason for your presence… here… now,” Q was stammering, “I’m going home. It’s late, I’m tired, you can come by Q branch some other time…” Q caught his eye, “tomorrow… whenever.” Q turned and started walking briskly away from the lab. Bag in hand he headed for the exit, Bond could let himself out for all he cared. But of course he could feel the man following him, long strides keeping up with him not far behind. 

“Can I give you a ride home?” Bond asked. It was an honest question, it was late, the tubes weren’t running and a cab would be impossible. 

Q stopped. When he stayed this late he normally just crashed on the couch in the break room, rousing himself before the first of the Q branch employees arrived. “Fuck.” He murmured under his breath, realizing the transportation issue he now faced. 

“What was that?” Bond asked, closing in on his personal space. 

Q realized Bond probably had the Aston in the parking garage. The image of Bond driving away with Madeleine still clear in his memory, he didn’t want to relive that. “No, thank you, I’m fine.” Quickly grabbing his mobile, he opened the weather app as he walked towards the door, “please don’t be raining…” he murmured to himself. He had been working in the basement for hours and had no idea what was happening in the real world two floors above him. A picture of a moon appeared on the small screen and he smiled in relief. He took the stairs now two at a time headed for the outside entrance, Bond still only a few strides behind him. “Good to see you Bond. Goodnight.” Q turned quickly to say his goodbyes, catching Bond’s eye only briefly before looking away. The quicksilver blue looking back at him looked confused and frustrated. And then Q was gone. Quick strides down the sidewalk, still buttoning his coat as he walked, his muffler hanging out of his briefcase. 

Bond watched him go, his lips pursed in frustration, hands pushed deep into his trouser pockets as he hunched his shoulders up towards his neck, a deep sigh slowly rolling up out of his lungs. This wasn’t how he expected this to go, he had expected that Q might be flustered and he clearly had been but if he was reading Q’s body language correctly Q had been angry to see him. Bond grimaced as he ran his hand over his unshaven chin, the stubble rubbing against his palm. Bond knew his next conversation needed to be with Moneypenny and he pulled out his phone to call her until once again he was reminded of the time. Tomorrow, he’d stop by and see her tomorrow, ask her what was up with Q, see if he could figure out why Q had been testing condoms at 3 a.m., expired condoms. Bond had seen the spreadsheet on Q’s laptop before Q had noticed he was there. 

~~~

“Eve!” Bond grinned broadly, setting flowers on her desk. 7:30 a.m. and Bond was now freshly shaved and redressed in an identical, but freshly dry cleaned grey wool suit. He hadn’t slept, but somehow it didn’t show. 

Moneypenny didn’t look up from her computer until she finished typing the e-mail she had been working on. “Bond.” She said coolly. “I heard you were back.” Finally she glanced up giving him a small one sided smile as she reached to take the flowers. 

Bond paused, surprised. No one but Q knew he was back, and that had been only four hours ago. Then he smirked, “the security feed?” 

Eve raised her eyebrows and shook her head slowly no, “really Bond. You don’t think he texted me while he was walking home last night? The message was all in capital letters.” 

“Then maybe you know why he was here until nearly 4 a.m.?” James asked, he wasn’t sure he was ready to actually ask Eve about the condom experiment, but if she offered it up he’d be glad for the information. 

Eve turned back to her computer screen, smirking at the e-mail message that had just arrived in her inbox, subject line- “Tell Bond to report to Q branch after lunch, if he passes his tests for reinstatement.” She looked up at Bond, “No idea why Q was here so late, he’s always here late, I would have been more surprised if he was at home. And he says you should report to Q branch this afternoon.” She reached one long burgundy enameled nail towards the intercom to buzz Tanner and M, letting them know Bond was here for his meeting. 

~~~

Q sat rigidly at his computer workstation, his fingers flying over the keyboard, as he multitasked three projects on three different screens, his eyes flitting back and forth behind his black framed glasses as he held his head completely still. He was dressed in clean clothes, his hair brushed, soft waves falling over the tops of his ears and over his forehead. The only tells that gave away his very poor night of limited sleep, and his ongoing distressed mental state was the fact that he was wearing mismatched socks, a purple cardigan over a paisley shirt, and yellow pinstriped suit pants, which in itself was not that far off of Q’s normal choice for work attire. But that and if you listened closely you could hear him muttering over and over to himself quietly. “James Bloody Bond thinks he can just slip back into MI6 and not have anyone raise an eyebrow.” He snapped his finger over the enter key harshly. “Showing up at 3:30 in the morning, my Aston keys in his hands.” Another harsh snap of the enter key. “Broke into my flat again, the arrogant arse.” 

Bond stood behind him, he couldn’t quite make out all that Q was mumbling, but he heard his name frequently slip from Q’s mouth, often with a harsh bite, or a hiss depending on whether he was saying Bond, or 007. He didn’t interrupt him, waiting for the quartermaster to take a break and turn to talk to him. Five minutes passed and finally Q’s second in command, Riley appeared at Bond’s elbow. “He’s been talking to himself all morning. You may have to go stand in his line of sight if you want to get his attention.” Bond frowned, shoving his hands into his trouser pockets before nodding and stepping sideways, trying to catch Q’s peripheral vision. 

“I know you are there 007” Q said crisply, reaching for his Q10 scrabble mug to take a sip of tea, setting it back down again without turning his head.

Bond stepped back to his original spot, rocking on his heels as he looked out of the corner of his eye at Riley, pursing his lips and sighing. Q’s assistant gave the agent a rather pitiful look and then turned and walked away. 

Finally Q turned, rolling his chair to face Bond before putting his hands on his knees calmly, leveling his gaze at Bond. “I am to reinstate your security clearance now that you’ve passed your other tests. We will need to rescan your fingerprints, handprints and retinas, and I have new trackers to implant that have been upgraded since your departure.” 

Bond nodded curtly, his jaw set, his eyes piercing back at Q, clearly trying to read everything between the words that Q was speaking. “Right. Fine Q, whenever you are ready.” 

Q nodded sharply in reply, “Right. Good. Let’s get to it.” He stood quickly from his chair, pulling his cardigan down and smoothing the front. Bond had learned to read that as a tell for Q’s stress level. Bond was pretty sure Q didn’t even know that he did it, the cardigan tugging, but it was like a reset button that Q hit every time he needed to turn his attention to something difficult. 

Bond followed him quietly, giving the quartermaster some space as they headed for the lab. Then following directions as Q efficiently worked Bond through all the security measures, never making eye contact with him as he moved from one scan and input after another. It was only when Q handed him the wired Walther to rescan his palm print that James caught his eye, but Q looked away just as quickly. “Q…” Bond finally pushed from his mouth. 

“Yes 007?” Q answered with his own query, not looking at the man as he said it. 

“I’m sorry,” Bond said quietly. 

He saw Q hesitate, his fingers pausing on the keyboard for just a moment before the retort. “Whatever for?”

“Last night…” 

“What about last night?”

“I shouldn’t…”

“You shouldn’t have what?” Q still didn’t look at him. “You shouldn’t have broken into my flat? You shouldn’t have arrived unannounced in my lab?” Q finally looked up a calm countenance on his face, save one quirked eyebrow.

Bond huffed a breath from his nose, “I shouldn’t have assumed you’d be happy to see me. I’m sorry,” he said again, “for everything.” 

Q eyes softened for only a millisecond as they flickered quickly over Bond’s, wanting to believe the apology was sincere, but then he shook his head, a mass of curls from his mop of hair slipping over his eyes. “Nothing to apologize for 007.” Q finished the palm print coding and hit save, reaching to take the gun from Bond’s grip. 

Bond held the gun tight, forcing Q to look at him again, holding his gaze, wanting him to really see the apology, to acknowledge it. But Q’s face went dark, his broad mouth going thin, a frown emerging. Q reached with his other hand to cover the gun, tugging it from Bond’s hand, ignoring the way James stretched his fingers to touch Q’s as he released the grip. “We are finished for today. I’ll implant the trackers when you are approved for your first mission.” 

“You don’t want to keep tabs on me until then?” James tried to be suave, a hint of flirtation, desperate for some sort of emotional response from the young man standing in front of him. 

“No…” Q replied, replacing the gun in the lock box, and signing off the computer. “I have absolutely no desire to know where you are anymore Bond.” And with that Q turned and walked out of the lab leaving 007 alone. 

Q walked briskly back to his office, needing to put distance between himself and the man he left back in the lab. It wasn’t true, he had every desire to know exactly where Bond was and it was killing him. He shut his office door behind him and leaned back against it, letting his head fall back against the metal frame. Bond’s apology had rattled him. He felt waves of emotion roll through him, alternating between anger, sadness, frustration, happiness, landing mostly on frustration. Frustration that he’d let the memories of the man fester under his skin and now he didn’t know what to do with the fact that 007 was back, and that he seemed to be conciliatory, weirdly conciliatory. Q took a breath, then one foot in front of the other he walked to his computer, sent a note to Riley that he was not to be bothered for the rest of the day unless it was an emergency, and got back to work. If he spent a few minutes mid afternoon looking up gay bars in London, with the goal to get shagged by a stranger, well everyone deserved a break. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook:   
He’s back. Goddamn it. And of course he found me testing condoms in the lab. How absolutely bloody mortifying. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was flirting with me. But Bond flirts with anything that moves. I DO know better. Must maintain professional boundaries. Must move on. Must forget about James, “I look better then ever”, Bond. Damn him. 

~~~


	2. Bad idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think it's self explanatory. Q has a really bad idea... Let's just dive in and see what it is shall we?

Chapter 2: bad idea

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: The NHS recommends at least two paracetamol and a liter of water after an evening indulging in alcoholic beverages. My unplanned experiment suggests that this amount should be doubled. Do not plan to repeat the experiment to determine replicability.

~~~

Bond had watched Q leave the lab, Q’s response about the trackers had surprised him and if he admitted it, surprisingly hurt him. Blinking once or twice he looked at the empty door, then pursing his lips, he quickly marched out following Q back to his office, but when the door closed loudly in front of him he knew better then to knock. 

He knew Q was rattled and he felt badly about it, because when Bond had finally decided to come back it had been because of Q and not because of MI6. Q, the witty sharp tongued technogeek that he had come to rely on for not only his tech and information, but for the many times that Bond had been in over his head and Q had calmly saved his life. That was Q’s job description. It was a quartermaster’s job to keep agents safe. Of course Q kept all the agents safe and for a long while Bond had assumed that he was just one, like all the others, until he started to realize that there were things Q did for him that he didn’t do for anyone else. 

It certainly wasn’t that Q gave him the best equipment, but he couldn’t blame Q for that given that Bond had never once successfully brought any of his equipment back in working order, or in some cases at all. He probably should have realized he was lucky to even continue to get equipment given his track record. Q never really followed through on his threats to send James into the field with nothing but a cheetoh and a book of matches. 

No, it was the way Q attended to him personally while he was on missions. Q was the one always in his ear monitoring, and giving information no matter what the day or time. It was never anyone else, ever. It hadn’t occurred to Bond that this was extraordinary until he had been back in MI6 on different occasions, down in Q branch and realized others were monitoring 003, 006, 009 and all the others. Q would check in, and when there was an emergency he would step in as necessary, but 007 was the only one he monitored exclusively. 

He had asked R, James nickname for Riley, about it once, “why is Q the only one to monitor my missions? Am I that horrible to babysit, no one else will take me?”

Riley had smirked and shook her head, “Yeah 007, that’s exactly why.” Then she had disappeared to do whatever it was that R did. 

Bond had caught the sarcasm in R’s reply and had puzzled over how to interpret it. It wasn’t until Bond was on his next mission, during a long lull while Bond waited for his mark to show up that he finally asked Q about it. 

“Because no one else will have you Bond,” Q replied with a sharp clip.

“Oh, Q, that can’t be true. You are the boss, you could make them.”

A longer then normal silence at the other end. Bond smirked, he had stymied his young quartermaster. “Yes well, I wouldn’t do that to them. You are a special case Bond.” 

“Special? You think I’m special Q? I’m touched.” Bond smirked again.

“Don’t flatter yourself Bond, but yes, you are special. A special pain in the arse most of the time.” Q rolled his eyes. 

“But I’m your special pain in the arse Q. Aren’t I?” Bond was beaming from six thousand kilometers away as he listened to Q in his ear. Bond loved to flirt, it made him feel powerful. 

Q was distracted, there were unexpected visitors coming up behind Bond and Q answered without thinking as he gave directions. “Yes, Bond you are my special pain in the arse. Now turn around and look behind you. I can’t tell from the thermal images who’s coming.” 

Bond whirled around, his gun drawn, Q was right to alert him. The guards hadn’t yet spotted him, but it would have blown his cover. The conversation over, Bond got back to work, but always remembered what Q had said.

Then there has been the panic in Q’s voice two missions later that made it absolutely clear how Q felt about his agent. Bond had been sent to Istanbul to shut down a terrorist cell that had pinged on MI6’s watch list. Everything was going exactly as it should have been, yes there had been unexpected gunfire and yes Bond was at risk of being captured, but the fact that his earpiece went out on only his side and not Q’s had nothing to do with the danger, which in Bond’s scale of danger really wasn’t very high. But Q couldn’t know that and when Bond went silent Q mistakenly thought the air was dead in both directions and he didn’t shut down the connection. So while Bond broke a few fingers, not his, and then jumped out a window he could hear Q in his ear but he couldn’t reply. 

“Damn it Bond, where the hell have you gone? If you pulled my ear piece on purpose I will have your balls when you get back. I hate it when you do this. You better be okay 007. I don’t think I can stand to lose you, you know. I’m rather attached to you, you big muscled ape. Bugger, bugger, bugger…. Bond, where are you?” Q was murmuring to himself as he quickly tracked satellites to infiltrate CCTV cameras in efforts to find his agent. “Damn it 007, please don’t be dead. I can’t do this job if you’re dead. You’re important to me. I want to see those gorgeous blue eyes back at MI6 Bond. Do you hear me? Where the fuck have you gone?” Then he spotted him running down the street on a local feed. “Shit, Bond, there are three more coming around the corner ahead of you!”

James nearly pulled up short at Q’s warning but he instantly knew if he did Q would know he heard him and with everything Q had just said Bond knew that would be bad. So he charged ahead, preparing himself for the collision and battle that would follow, pulling the earpiece now, needing to get Q out of his head. Because Bond couldn’t consider what it might mean to have feelings for Q, especially not while he was trying to evade what appeared to be half the Istanbul police force at this point. But even later, when he was safe, the mission over and he had texted Q from his phone to let him know he was okay, Bond pushed what he had heard from Q from his mind. It wasn’t possible to consider. Bond didn’t get involved with people from work, let alone young mop topped boffins who were male. So if he worked just a little harder to bring back equipment in good condition it was only because he respected the young man who worked so hard to keep him safe. 

But the reality is that Q had slipped inside his psyche and Bond couldn’t really pinpoint when it had happened. It was like Bond looked inside and there was Q, like he had always been there. He finally realized it after he left MI6 and no longer had Q in his ear. His missed the teasing, the flirting, the sharp wit, the sassy mouth. Bond thought back to the last time he had seen Q, when he came for the Aston Martin. The look of hope in those green eyes, the curious smile on his face. Bond had hurt him, he knew he was doing it, but he did it anyway. And now Bond knew he had taken advantage of Q’s feelings for him one too many times. 

So Bond spent the afternoon reading/scrolling through his phone, waiting outside of MI6, out of sight at the exit of Q branch. He would set things right with Q and if that meant following him home again he’d do it. He settled in for a long wait, expecting Q would likely work late, and Bond was determined to not interrupt and rattle Q any further while at work. He respected the man, and the importance of his job, and he knew Q was personally on comms with 003, helping her through a remote computer hack of terrorist financial data in Afghanistan. 

He was therefore surprised when Q emerged promptly at 5:00 and headed down the street to the tube. Bond had to hurry to keep up, very curious about what had the quartermaster moving so quickly. But all Q did was go home. Bond sat outside on the steps leading to the front door of Q’s building debating about whether he should ring Q’s flat. Something about the way Q had carried himself on his way home seemed off, edgy, almost frenetic. Bond’s gut told him Q wasn’t staying in tonight, and that he should wait him out. 

It was a little more than an hour later just as darkness was starting to fill the London streets when Q finally came down his steps. Bond almost lost him immediately when Q finally emerged from his flat, as the young man looked nearly unrecognizable. Painted on black skinny jeans made him look even thinner than normal, and the black converse tennis shoes on his feet made him look even younger, making Bond chuckle as he realized he hadn’t thought that was actually possible. No office cardigan in sight, Bond took in the tight fitting maroon button down, that was unbuttoned a bit more than expected, pale skin on clear display, the short leather motorcycle jacket skimming his shoulders as Q paused to zip it half way. Q’s hair was tousled. It was the only word James could come up with to describe it. Artfully tousled, waves slicked back and forward, a few tendrils rather artfully curled along his temples. But the real reason Bond nearly didn’t recognize him was the fact that Q wasn’t wearing any glasses. For the first time ever James looked at Q with nothing to block his eyes, and without the horizontal break across his nose, his face was longer, narrower, his cheekbones stark and hard edged. But it was the softness of those eyes that made James stop and stare. 

A shot of adrenaline surged when Q glanced in his direction and Bond unconsciously slid back into the alley when Q turned towards him. Bond was positive Q must have seen him, since James had been standing on the sidewalk like a lost puppy staring at the young man in disbelief. But maybe Q was really quite blind without his glasses as he walked past the shadowed corner where Bond stood without a second glance. A quick clench of his fists to steady himself and Bond slid out behind him, more determined then ever to figure out what Q was doing. 

A tube ride that ended in Vauxhall, James watched Q fidget, brushing his hands along his thighs, his fingers rubbing at the corners of his eyes as he seemed to falter in his decision to stand and exit the train. Bond quickly followed when he did, trying not to lose him in the crowd as he headed for street level. When Q finally stopped on the sidewalk, checking the address on his phone twice Bond knew what Q was up to and he couldn’t help grinding down on his back teeth as he watched the young man quickly run his hand nervously through his hair one more time before opening the door to the bar, loud music spilling onto the street as he entered. 

“Bloody hell,” Bond muttered before heading around the block to find a way in through the back. 

It didn’t take long for the beautiful green eyed, tousle haired young man to draw attention, but Q was so out of practice he quickly found himself overwhelmed. Drinks appeared at his elbow as three different men vied for his attention all of them eager to get closer to the young man who was nervously struggling to make eye contact. Q visibly flinched as an older gentleman brushed his hand along Q’s waist sliding under the edge of his leather jacket leaning in to whisper something in Q’s ear. 

Bond squirmed, anxious, wanting to intervene, to twist the wrist of the man who wrapped his arm further around Q and shifted his hips even closer as Q tilted his head and leaned up pressing his ear closer to the mouth that brushed against his lobe, in order to hear. But then Q shook his head no, a nervous smile flitted over his lips as he reached back and removed the man’s hand from his waist, sliding off the bar stool to stand, putting space between them and Bond sat back with a wicked grin, nursing his martini as he kept watch. The older man, now clearly irritated took another step towards Q making James sit up straight, but when another man reached out to block the silver haired arse leading to an argument as they faced off over Bond’s quartermaster, James laughed out loud. 

Q seemed oblivious to what has happening just behind him and wandered away towards the dance floor leaving chaos in his wake. Bond’s jaw actually fell open when Q hit the dance floor. James wouldn’t say that Q moved exactly gracefully, but his narrow hips worked him easily between people as he shimmied and twisted in the throng of people. Q didn’t dance with anyone in particular, his drink in one hand he sipped steadily as he closed his eyes to feel the beat letting his head fall back on his shoulders, the waves of his hair bouncing as he tossed his head back and forth, his knees bouncing. This was not the quartermaster that Bond knew from MI6. Where in the world had Q been hiding this side of his personality? Because he was fucking adorable.

All James could do was watch and when he saw a young blond man about Q’s age reach out and take Q’s empty glass from his hand setting it on a table at the edge of the dance floor, reaching for both of Q’s hands as he slipped in front of Q’s lithe body urging him closer, James let out a deep frustrated sigh because Q smiled and nodded, and followed the man who now tugged him deeper into the crush of writhing bodies. 

James vacillated on whether he needed to find his way to the dance floor, because with each song Bond became convinced Q was really in more and more need of a bodyguard. Over time more drinks handed to him, Q’s limbs became looser and looser, soon he was winding his arms up and around all the men who danced with him, his body energetically twisting and grinding against others, the young blond coming back again and again into Q’s personal space. 

Bond became more and more conflicted as time passed. He was here because Q was his friend and deep down Bond knew he was the reason Q was getting drunk at a gay bar. Q’s reaction last night, his cold distance today in the lab, and now this reckless risky behaviour as he watched Q become more and more inebriated, his barriers coming down made James feel guilty. Bond had been watching and scanning the crowd, he could now count ten different men who had all made an effort to get close to Q and the silver haired man who had come on to Q early was still keeping a close eye on the slender man who was very quickly losing his inhibitions on the dance floor. But Bond couldn’t help but smile as he watched his quartermaster let go. For as much as James was worried about the reason it was happening he couldn’t deny it was positively spell binding to see this side of his buttoned up, dry humored, spectacled quartermaster. 

James turned his head again to scan the crowd and then looked back to the spot where Q had been dancing, immediately standing up when he realized Q wasn’t there anymore. The bright flashing lights on the floor and the ceiling made it hard to search the room, but a bright flash as the spotlight drifted across the crowd and James felt his heart clench. There was Q, pressed hard against the wall, in the shadow of the DJ stage off the dance floor getting snogged within an inch of his life by the young blond. James felt his own body respond, a jolt in his groin at the sight of Q’s mouth pressed against another, and he grimaced realizing he was feeling an ache of jealousy. The blond had both his hands buried in Q’s curls, tilting his face to control the kiss, his chest pressed to Q’s, one thigh pressed between Q’s legs holding him in place. 

James was up and across the room before he realized what he was doing. “Oi, Ease off.” he said loudly as he gripped the blond’s shoulder and pulled him back from Q. 

Q’s eyes popped open at the sudden loss of contact but he couldn’t focus on what was happening, reaching aimlessly for the body that had been pressed against him. 

The blond immediately rounded on Bond, “what the fuck?” He pushed against Bond’s chest, “who the hell are you?”

“He’s with me.” James said calmly, staring down the much younger man. 

“Fuck he is,” the blond yelled and tried to turn back to Q, but suddenly Bond was gone having looked over the blond’s shoulder noticing that Q had disappeared once again. Quickly he looked towards the door. The older silver haired man had Q tucked into his side and was leading him by the elbow towards the exit. 

“Oh bloody hell no,” James muttered and twisted past the now very confused young man who just two minutes ago had his tongue down Q’s throat. James debated about punching him as he moved past just because that idea had irritated him. 

Five strides and he had caught up with Q, grabbing his arm to tug him away. “Q” James said loudly. 

Q’s eyes snapped clear for just a second at the sound of his moniker. He smiled lazily recognizing James, “Shhhh,” he mumbled drunkingly, “I’m Bond, James Bond tonight,” he smiled. 

James laughed out loud, “Is that what you are telling people?” Q smiled and nodded happily. Then he actually recognized the man beside him, “Oh shit, James. What are you doing here? There can’t be two of us here.” 

The silver haired man took a firmer grasp on Q’s other elbow to tug him away, “Oi, let him go, he’s going home with me.”

“No, I’m pretty sure he’s not.” Bond leveled menancingly. 

“Oh, but I am.” Q smiled. “He’s going to tie me up and shag me.”

“What?” Bond growled. 

“Come along James,” the older man pulled Q in tighter. But Q never had a chance to respond because the real James had immediately clocked the older man on the chin and sent him sprawling backwards. He hadn’t hit him hard enough to knock him out, and he didn’t really want a brawl, quickly he grabbed Q’s shoulders and pushed him towards the door. 

“Oi, oi!” Q protested. “Stop James! He was going to shag me. Do you knowwww how long it’s been since I’ve had a proper shag?” 

James had Q outside and was quickly hailing a cab. “No Q, I don’t know how long it’s been, but it’s not happening tonight, get in the cab.”

“But…” Q was still protesting even as he fell head first into the cab, crawling into the back seat. 

“No buts Q, you are in no condition to consent to anyone, I’m taking you home.” 

Q leaned into the corner of cab away from James, the cold wind from the window feeling like he was now doused with water. “I know,” he stuttered, “I know what I wanted, I’m capable of consent.” 

James looked at the young man now sitting across from him, Q’s hair standing on end from the blonde who had snogged him silly. He was adorably drunk. James frowned realizing the moment for such thoughts was definitely not now. 

“Q, what did you mean that man was going to tie you up and shag you?” 

“What?” Q’s head was spinning and he was trying hard to ignore the hunky assassin sitting across from him.

“You said he was going to tie you up.”

Q sighed, his forehead wrinkling in thought “did I?” 

“You did,” James leaned forward, his elbows on his knees as he tried to catch Q’s eyes. “Did he tell you that was what he wanted to do to you?” Q’s shoulders sagged. “Earlier tonight he whispered something in your ear at your table and you shook your head no and moved away, is that what he whispered?” Q nodded quickly, curling even further into himself. “Q, you didn’t consent to that…” James frowned reaching for Q’s hand. 

Q was far from sober but the words were getting through and as he heard what James said Q felt a shiver run through him. He had almost gone home with someone who may very well have hurt him. A well of grief and disappointment overwhelmed him, his eyes going glassy, but then his brain derailed trying to put together the pieces of how he had come to be in a cab with Bond. “Wait! What were you doing at the bar?”

“Watching you.” James decided honesty was best at the moment. 

“Why? How did you know where I was?”

“I followed you home. I was worried about you.”

“You’ve been following me all night?” Q looked up in horror. 

“Yes.” Bond answered. 

“You watched me all night? You watched me drinking, and flirting and dancing and, oh god, you watched me kiss that man I didn’t know.”

“Yes.”

Q was mortified. His head was swimming and then suddenly he went green, leaned forward and threw up all over Bond’s shoes. 

“Lovely… thank you.” James replied rolling his eyes as he tried unsuccessfully to move his feet in time. 

“Sorrrrry” Q hummed, and now with an empty stomach his head reeled and his eyes flickered. “I have to close my eyes” and then Q slumped sideways. 

Bond rolled his eyes again and leaned forward to make sure Q was on his side in case he threw up again. Then he leaned forward to the cab driver and changed the address. He couldn’t take Q home if he was unconscious, he didn’t want to have to break in again. He’d have to take Q to his place. 

~~~

Q woke up to blinding white light hitting him in the face. “Oh bloody hell” he groaned and threw his arm over his eyes, hiding in his elbow as he went to pull the duvet up over his head. As he lay there, head pounding he made several realizations. One, he wasn’t under his own duvet, two, he didn’t know who’s duvet he was under and three, the only thing he was wearing were his pants, but then he sighed in relief, because at least he had those on, which he was pretty sure meant he hadn’t actually had sex last night. This was a good thing, he convinced himself, since he didn’t know where he was, and couldn’t remember much of what had happened the night before. 

He heard footsteps enter the room where he hid under the covers, then a dip in the mattress beside him, but nothing more. No voice. Fuck, he was going to have to come out to see who it was. Slowly, his hands holding the edge of the duvet he inched it down until just his green eyes were above the edge, trying to be nonchalant if possible. But the ice blue eyes, with laugh lines crinkled at the edges that met his made him close his own tightly and cringe, pulling the covers back over his head, a muffled “fuck” the only thing that could be heard. 

“Good morning sunshine. How are we feeling?” Bond asked. The glass of water and paracetamol in his hand intended for the sleep mussed young man who lay in his bed. 

“Fuck.” Q snapped out again, this time louder. He thrashed his legs in frustration. “How the fuck…”

“Will you stop saying fuck, if I reassure you that no one got fucked last night?” James couldn’t help but laugh at the sound of Q saying “fuck”. Q often chose appropriate explicatives to express himself, bugger and bloody hell his favorites when it came to Bond, but fuck wasn’t normally one of them.

The bed went still, but no quartermaster appeared from beneath the duvet, just a muffled quiet voice, “of course no one got fucked last night. You aren’t gay.” 

Bond silently pursed his lips and lowered his brow debating about what to say to that, but decided now was not the time so he waited, expecting he could outlast Q who had to be getting hot under there, but apparently Q had no intention on coming out. “I slept on the couch.” Bond added to the silent lump that lay beside him. “You passed out in the cab. I couldn’t take you home so I brought you here.” Bond just kept offering information, working in reverse order until he sensed some sort of movement from the young man. “You got drunk at a gay bar, and nearly went home with a man who intended to tie you up and shag you. That was a quote from you by the way. I stopped that from happening.” 

“Thank you.” Q said quietly from under the covers. The memories were coming back in bits and pieces. 

“I brought you water and paracetamol,” Bond came back to the present. “You’ll feel better if you take them.” 

“Thanks. Could you just leave them on the night stand?” He didn’t move. 

Bond stood up, looking at the Q shaped lump in his bed. “Sure. They are there whenever you want them. I’ll be in the kitchen if you feel up to some food.” And with that he left, closing the door behind him. 

As soon as Bond left Q threw back the sheets and sat himself up. “Fucking bloody hell.” He said one more time as the bright light blinded him and made his head throb. Grabbing the paracetamol and water he downed the pills, then scanned the room for his clothes. Everything was folded neatly in the chair by the bed and he pulled them back on as quickly as he could, trying very hard not to think about the fact that Bond must have undressed him the night before and he really hoped he hadn’t said or done anything stupid. He needed to get out of Bond’s flat. 

Bond heard the click of his front door just as he was pouring the tea to offer to Q, but he knew immediately that Q was gone. James let out a long slow sigh, leaning forward to rest his head against the cupboard door, disappointed that Q left without even a word. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook:  
I may have to quit my job and move unless I manage to die from this hangover before Monday. 

~~~


	3. Confessions

Chapter 3: Confessions

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Monday. Priority for the week. Establish electrified perimeter along office doorframe that can be activated by coded trackers when implanted in certain double 0 agents in order to prevent unauthorized entry, then implant the tracker in certain double 0 agents in order to cause electric shock whenever he approaches my office. 

~~~

Q took the tube home and then slept off his hangover with his cats for the rest of the weekend, lounging on the couch, rising only to use the loo, and get more paracetamol. He ignored all incoming e-mail and texts and when his empty aching stomach couldn’t stand it any longer he ate salty ramen noodles, which was all that he had in the cupboard. 

Climbing back onto his overstuffed gaudy green couch, wearing his most comfortable plaid pyjama bottoms, stretched out well worn Garbage concert t-shirt, and oversized floppy socks, Q had another cup of soup in one hand, and his laptop in the other as he settled back in to hide from the world, making room for Penelope who immediately climbed into his lap, Eleanor already lounging on the back of the couch in her permanent cat shaped indent on the top cushion. He set down his soup and reached up to scratch her as she opened one eye making her gray tabby stripes stretch on one side of her face as she pushed her head into his hand. 

He settled in, letting Penelope walk all over him. She was the more affectionate of his two cats, rubbing and purring in her clumsy way as she flopped onto his legs. If he didn’t give her enough attention now she’d walk all over his computer as he tried to work, so he waited until she seemed to have worn herself out, half turned upside down on his lap as she offered up her belly for scratches. “Hussy” he teased her as he ran his fingers through her fluff, circling his index finger through the single white spot on her belly that stood out from her silvery gray. 

His lap top now connected, he heard two alerts ping through his computer as he synced his phone, one from Eve and one from Bond. He’d been deleting unread messages from Bond all weekend, too ashamed to even open them, and was about to delete the newest one as well when he saw Eve’s tag line. “Tell Bond to stop texting me.” Shit, Q squeezed his eyes closed and opened her message. “I don’t know what happened between you two, but if I get one more text from Bond asking me to check and see if you are okay I’m going to shoot him. Again. I’m assuming you are okay, since your tracker is pinging that you are wandering around your flat, but could you please tell Bond. And tomorrow you are telling me what the hell is going on.” 

Q didn’t read Bond’s e-mail, but he did send him one. “Stop texting Moneypenny.” 

Then Q sent an apologetic reply to Eve. “I’m fine. I dealt with Bond. Thanks Eve.” Q huffed in frustration, he forgot that Eve had access to all the tracker files, including his. He really needed to change the software for the trackers so he could turn them off when he wanted to go off the radar. He thought about it for a few minutes, realized it would be an easy code change, and opened the program remotely from his laptop. As he scanned the list of agents and other high security administrators who all were in the system he saw Eve’s name and smiled, if she could check up on him, he could check up on her. A minute to glance back over her record for the last 48 hours and he chuckled deeply before sending her another message, “Tell Timothy I say hello. It appears you’ve spent a lot of time in his bed this weekend.” 

Ten minutes later his hack to the tracker code complete and his laptop pinged. “Tim says hello back. Stop checking on my whereabouts. I only checked on you because Bond seemed worried.” 

Bond was worried. Q shook his head. He was embarrassed and mortified by his actions on Friday and felt even worse that he had woken up in Bond’s bed on Saturday morning. Hanging his head in frustration he mumbled to Penelope as she nuzzled against his hand, that this was exactly the reason why his condoms had all expired. He couldn’t even get shagged after going to a gay bar and throwing himself at everyone inside. “Bollocks to all of it,” he mumbled, “I even ended up in Bond’s bed, which is exactly where I’ve wanted to be and even that didn’t turn out as I hoped.” Q leaned his head back against a sleeping Eleanor and then reached up to scratch her neck under her collar, “Eleanor, who the bloody hell ends up in Bond’s bed and doesn’t get shagged? Isn’t that like getting in a swimming pool but not getting wet?” Eleanor just gave him a grumpy look and heaved her body over to go back to sleep.

Then he remembered the lovely young blonde man. Eric, his name was Eric, and Eric had kissed him like a house on fire. Q let out an audible gasp when he recalled what had really happened. Bond had fucking cockblocked him. Bond had interrupted that snog and it was after that happened that the problematic non-consensual bondage guy had grabbed him. Q would have gone home with Eric if James hadn’t gotten in the middle of it. Damn bloody agent. Q climbed off the couch to get more paracetamol and as he dumped three into his palm he looked down, “this one is for the first 0, and this is one is for the second 0 and this one is for the bloody number 7, the cause of my headache.” 

~~~

Bond stormed into Q’s office shortly before noon on Monday morning, having built up to a boiling level of frustration. 

All weekend he had replayed what had happened on Friday night and then Saturday morning. He had considered and then reconsidered all of his memories related to Q, all the comments, all the interactions, all the flirtation, all the innuendos. Bond was struggling to come to terms with how he really felt about the genius boffin who clearly couldn’t hold his liquor. Bond knew he had a horrible track record when it came to getting involved with people. They either died at the hands of his enemies, or left him because he couldn’t commit and he ended up being a complete dick head at some point. When he had told Madeleine that he thought he had to go back to London she had just laughed at him and told him she was surprised it had taken him so long to figure that out. She hadn’t even shed a tear. And Bond couldn’t deny that seeing Q kiss the blond at the bar had completely wrecked him, his reaction more extreme then anything he had felt for anyone in a very long time. And then there had been Q’s confessions as Bond undressed him and put him to bed on Friday night. Bond smiled, then sighed a bit forlornly. It was clear Q didn’t remember any of it and based on Q’s response on Saturday morning, Bond wasn’t sure he should ever tell him. 

He had sent ten different texts and e-mails to Q over the weekend hoping he’d get a reply, desperate to talk to him and worried about how he was doing after he had ducked out of Bond’s flat. Q hadn’t replied to any of them, so whatever Q may have said while his inhibitions were down on Friday was decidedly buried deep behind his barriers now that he was sober. And then Bond got the one text Q had been wiling to send. “Stop texting Moneypenny.” That was it. Right, Bond decided the two of them needed to get a few things sorted out. 

Bond saw R approach him out of his peripheral vision as he passed through Q branch, but the look he gave Riley made her shrink back, knowing better then to try to intervene as Bond headed for Q’s office. Bond was on a mission and Q was his focus. Bond didn’t knock and he certainly didn’t wait for permission to enter. He just opened the door and barged in making Q whirl around in his desk chair, scattering papers onto the floor. 

“007,” Q gasped, immediately reaching up to straighten his glasses. 

“Q.” Bond said a bit icily. “You and I have a few things we need to clarify.”

Q quickly stood to put some distance between them, darting around the backside of his desk as Bond approached. “I know,” Q stammered, “I apologize for leaving without saying good bye, but I…”

Bond raised a hand to stop him, “that’s not what I want to clarify. Just stop talking. I’m going to talk and you are going to listen.” 

Q snapped his jaw shut and tilted his head, a bit affronted by the tone in Bond’s voice, but then he looked down at his desk, quickly straightening papers before looking back and up and giving Bond a terse nod as he tugged on the bottom of his cardigan and smoothed the front. “Right. Fine… go ahead.” 

Bond stepped even closer, leaning forward, his large knuckles placed on Q’s desk as he balanced on his forearms taking a breath and trying to remember where he wanted to start, he had practiced this speech at least ten times. Q took another nervous step backwards. 

“I came back because of you Q.” Bond looked directly at Q as he said it. 

Q’s mouthed dropped open in immediate surprise, “what?” he snapped. 

Bond lifted a hand, one finger tip raised, “Shush. I’m talking remember.” 

Q lowered his head chastised, then looking up from under his fringe he nodded. But already Q’s neck was starting to flush and his ears were staring to burn. 

“I came back because of you. I missed you. I missed this, I missed MI6…” 

Q nodded, pursing his lips. “Right. You missed MI6.” 

“No. You will let me finish.” Bond snarked. “I missed MI6, yes, but you are the reason I came back. Every time I got in the car, felt the keys in my trouser pockets I thought of you. Thought of the sound of your voice in my ear, the way you teased me, made bad jokes, kept me company, kept me safe, the way you flirted with me.” 

Q’s mouth opened, his entire face started to flush. But Bond’s finger was once again shushing him. 

“I knew you had a crush on me Q.”

That was enough. Q blurted out, interrupting, “every one has had a crush on you Bond. You’re the classic archetype of the bad boy everyone wants to tame. Everyone wants to think they can catch your eye, that they can be the special one to bring James Bond to heel.” 

“Mmmm, maybe,” James smiled, “but you’re the only one to actually do it.” 

“What?” Q spluttered, he was quickly reaching exasperation. “What the bloody hell does that mean? You are not gay. Remember!?” 

Bond pulled out Q’s desk chair and sat down, letting his quartermaster stomp and flail his hands on the other side of the desk. 

“Actually, I am,” he said quietly and then paused to let that sink in, leaning back and casually crossing one ankle over the other. When Q’s eyes went as wide as saucers and his mouth once again slid open in disbelief, Bond continued before Q could say anything. “Bi, actually. Like all sorts.” 

Q’s mouth snapped shut. “But…” he said quietly.

“But, I only sleep with women, you were going to say.” Bond raised his eyebrows. “I only sleep with women… for missions,” he now clarified. “I actually prefer men.” A sexy grin now spread over his face making his ice blue eyes sparkle.

“But…” Q apparently only knew one word and he was quickly reaching the point of needing to sit down, with no place to sit. 

“I can sleep with women, I find them attractive enough, but I don’t feel much when I sleep with a woman, which is why I have no problem doing it for missions. But you… the idea of sleeping with you…” Bond winked. 

“Bloody hell!” Q snarled between pursed teeth, “How dare you.” Bond’s brow furrowed, but Q continued unabated. “How dare you.” He said again. “You liar. You didn’t want me. You don’t want me. You picked HER. You took my car and left with her. You picked a woman. So don’t bloody well tell me you prefer men. That you prefer ME! I don’t know what game you are playing at Bond, but get out of my office.” 

Bond stood up quickly and slammed his hands on Q’s desk leaning in nose to nose with the enraged man who snarled across from him. 

“She was the way out of MI6 for me. Blofeld was too much for me. He had been my brother Q!! And Denbigh was culling the double 0 program, I needed out. I used her to get out. But that was short lived Q. It was never about her. It’s true. I didn’t want to come back. But I couldn’t stay away. I showed up here at three in the morning because I wanted to see YOU. I followed you on Friday night, I acted as your body guard, I took you home and took care of you because…” he faltered. Q had gone stock still. Bond stilled his voice, “because I knew you were doing what you were doing because of me. Because I had hurt you, and that you were lashing out because of it.” Bond studied Q’s face, which had gone completely neutral. Q’s expression was unfocused as he let his eyes drift over Bond’s shoulder. Bond wanted a response. He wanted a smile, a sassy retort. “So… if you were testing expired condoms that night in the lab because you hadn’t been shagged in a while, and you were out last Friday hoping to end your dry spell, Q, I would love to be the one to shag you.” 

Q’s eyes snapped to Bond’s. “Get out of my office,” he said coldly. 

That was not the sassy retort Bond had been hoping for. “What?” 

“Get out of my office.” Q said again. “Leave.” 

“But…” Bond started to speak. 

“Now.” Q’s voice wavered in anger. 

Bond stood. “Q.” he said softly. 

“Go.” Q pointed at his door. 

Bond pursed his lips, then squared his shoulders and straightened his tie and with a small nod he turned and left. 

Q quickly followed to close and lock the door behind him. Then he returned to his desk, opened the coding project he’d been working on and started typing. He knew he’d have to delete all of it tomorrow, his fingers randomly choosing keys, but if he stopped he’d have to think about all that Bond had just said and he couldn’t do that, not when he could already feel the weight in his chest that he knew would crush him when he let it sink in. 

~~~  
At 5:00 Moneypenny came to find him, using her i.d. badge to override the electronic lock on the door. 

Q whirled around when the door opened. “Who…” then he saw it was Eve. “Did you really just override my lock to break into my office?” 

“It’s not breaking in when you have a pass that opens the door Q. And yes, I opened your door to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine, why would you think I wasn’t fine?” The break in his voice gave him away, and he coughed a little to clear it, he hadn’t spoken a word to anyone since he had ordered Bond out late that morning. 

“Because I texted you, e-mailed you, tried to video conference you, and left you a voice mail, none of which you returned. ” 

Q closed his eyes for a moment, “Yes, and I know you also have access to the CCTV in the building and clearly could have checked to make sure I was safe here in my office. I got all your messages, and I would have responded if you really needed me for something. But messages asking if I’m okay don’t need a response, because really there is nothing you can do if I’m not, so I didn’t bother. And really… why would you think I wasn’t okay anyway Moneypenny?”

Eve sighed and walked her stiletto heels over to perch on the corner of Q’s desk, reaching out with her long fingers to catch his chin making him look at her. “I did check CCTV, my sweet genius, it’s how I knew you were here. But it’s one thing to be okay physically, and another to be okay emotionally, and that isn’t something I could see on CCTV.” 

Q huffed and looked away, reaching to move her hand from his face. “I’m fine.”

“Really?” Eve asked again. “Because Bond isn’t.” Q looked up at her too quickly before schooling his expression and gave his concern away. Eve continued. “He stormed in to Tanner’s office demanding a mission, I’ve never seen him so frustrated.”

“Did Tanner give him one?”

“No.” Eve answered, “but I wish he had. Bond needs to burn off his emotions and if he doesn’t have a mission he’ll do it with whiskey.” 

“I believe that is his problem, not mine.” Q snarked. 

Eve just looked at him, her eyebrows raised, then she slowly crossed her arms, and then her legs, and adopted the stern look on her face that Q couldn’t fight. “Spill it.” 

Q looked at her. Then he rolled his chair back just far enough to allow him to lean down and bang his forehead against his desk, leaving it there as he let his arms dangle down the sides of his chair. “Oh, Moneypenny, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me.” 

So Q did. He told her the whole sordid story, including the part where James Bond said he wanted to shag Q and Q had ordered him out of his office. He finally lifted his head to look at Eve. The look on her face actually made him laugh. She was completely gobsmacked. “Well, Miss Moneypenny I do believe I shocked you.” 

Eve uncrossed her legs and let them dangle off the desk as she leaned forward, her arms holding the edge of the desk on either side of her knees, trying to figure out what to say. “So he came back, with your car, to find you shooting condom covered dildos across the lab, then he acted as your bodyguard at a gay bar as you snogged random men,”

“Not men, MAN, one man. Eric. He was lovely.” 

“Man, you snogged a man you didn’t know.”

“I knew him, his name was Eric.”

“What was Eric’s last name?”

Q closed his mouth with a snap, thinking hard for a moment before quietly admitting, “I don’t know.”

“Right, snogged a man you didn’t know, almost got taken home by a guy who wanted to tie you up, ended up passed out in Bond’s flat, woke up wearing just your pants in Bond’s bed, refused to come out from under the covers, disappeared on him at first chance, he shows up here tells you he’s bisexual, actually prefers men and you are the one he wants?” 

“Yep.” Q snapped his lips on the “p” to emphasis it. “And then I sent him away.” He banged his head on the desk again. “Oh, and I think I forgot to tell you that I threw up on his shoes in the cab.” 

Eve roared with laughter. “Oh sweety, why did you send him away?”

Q sighed in resignation, “because he acknowledged that he knew how I felt about him and then he broke my heart anyway, I don’t trust him to not do it again, and I’m not actually sure I believe him.”

“Well, based on what I witnessed you should believe him.” Eve offered. 

Q shook his head, “No, even if it’s true, you know his track record. I don’t want to be another conquest and then have him move on to someone else.”

“You were ready to let Eric be a notch on your bedpost. Why not Bond?”

“On MY bedpost? I don’t have a bed post with any notches Eve. That’s why I was testing expired condoms in the lab remember.” Q shook his head.

“Sweety, maybe it’s time you got a bedpost.”

“So what you are saying is that I wouldn’t be a notch on Bond’s but he’d be a notch on mine?” Q adjusted his glasses as he sat up straighter in his chair.

“Exactly,” Eve smiled, “take him for a spin. Do a test drive, go for a ride.”

Q blushed, “and with that comment my dear Moneypenny you just crossed the line.”

Eve laughed. “You have three choices based on my read, one, you let me take you to dinner and we continue to discuss this.”

Q shook his head, “I think I’m ready to be done discussing my lack of a sex life with you for the moment Eve.”

She nodded, “fine, two, you go home alone to prove something apparently, although I don’t know what.” 

“I’d go home alone in order to protect my heart.”

“Sweety, your heart is already broken. You’ve been coding gibberish for the last six hours.”

“What’s three?” Q rolled his eyes.

“Three, you go find Bond, take control, you shag him, don’t let him be the one in charge, you’ll have had the chance to notch your bedpost with the great lover James Bond, and you’ll be the one calling the shots in the morning.”

Q sat very still, only his lower jaw going back and forth as he chewed the inside of his cheek. “You have great faith that I could be the one in charge Eve.” He glanced up at her from under the fringe of his curls, clearly unconvinced.

“Q, I’ve seen you be a bad ass numerous times. You’ve certainly ordered Bond around on assignments. You do outrank him, remember. You can totally do it.” And with that she jumped down off his desk and ran her fingers through his crazy hair, tousling the curls affectionately. “Now I’m going home. I’m texting you in one hour and you will reply with your location. I don’t need to know details, although you know I’ll expect them later. But you better text me that you are with Bond.” And then she left Q to chew his bottom lip for a while as he tried to find his inner BAMF. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook:  
Bond is bisexual. James bloody Bond shags men. James wants to shag me. Bloody hell. James wants to shag ME. This may very well be the biggest mistake I’ll ever make. 

~~~


	4. Q drops his pants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...and this is where the E rating starts. You have been warned.

Chapter 4: Q drops his pants

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Alcoholic impact on healthy male’s ability to achieve and maintain erection. No apparent negative effect. Proper scientific method requires me to repeat this experiment and gather more data. 

~~~

Bond heard the buzzer at his door for the third time and ignored it again. He had zero interest in seeing anyone tonight. On the fourth buzz he yelled at the door, “Go the fuck away.” 

“Well at least now I know you are home. If you don’t open the door I’m breaking in. You do it enough to me, I have no problem doing it to you.” 

Bond put down the bottle of whiskey and scrambled out of the chair where he had been sprawled, the tumbler of ice hitting the floor. “Shit… Q?” Bond opened the door to his flat to find the young man on his landing. A pizza box balanced on the empty planter beside the door. “What are you doing here?” 

Q didn’t answer. Instead he placed his hand on Bond’s bare chest, his button down shirt open and hanging loose and with a breath to steel his nerves Q pushed Bond backwards into the entryway. “I’ve brought food. Pizza is good hot, or cold, so you have a choice. We eat it now while it’s hot, and then when we are done I take you to your bedroom and shag you silly, or we start with the shagging and then we eat it cold. Which one?” 

Bond stood there with his mouth open for two seconds too long. “Right, fine, I’ll decide. Shagging first it is. Unless you’ve had too much to drink and don’t think you can get it up?” Q reached his hand out to cup Bond’s groin, rubbing his palm over the bulge he found. “Although every thing seems to be in working order. Right, the bedroom then, maybe the whiskey will have dulled your senses enough to make this last a while.” Q put down the pizza and took Bond by the hand tugging him along. 

“Wait,” Bond tugged back, finally finding the use of his voice. 

Q looked back over his shoulder, one hand in Bond’s, the other working to unbutton his own shirt. “What? You don’t want this?” 

“Bloody hell, Q. Of course I want this.”

“Then what?” Q was now walking backwards with Bond’s hands in his tugging him towards the bed as Q shrugged his shirt off of his shoulders, which stopped at his elbows. He could see Bond’s eyes dilate at the view of his skin and he grinned, his confidence only increasing at the obvious desire he could see on Bond’s face. Dropping Bond’s hands Q let his own shirt fall to the floor, toeing off his shoes, then took off his glasses, setting them aside before stepping closer to Bond. Q ran his hands over Bond’s shoulders to ease his open shirt off his arms and to the floor, then reaching up he cradled Bond’s face in his hands, feeling Bond’s rough stubble brush against his palms. Q brought his mouth to breathe against the parted lips that waited for him. One kiss, Q thought. He’d allow himself just one. 

Bond stood completely still letting Q decide when to breach the last space of breath between their lips, and when Q finally pressed his mouth over Bond’s he gave easily, the soft pressure immediately increased as Q’s tongue slid warmly inside and Q slid his hands back from Bond’s face to wrap his arms tightly around Bond’s neck, their chests coming together skin to skin in a deep embrace. 

Bond’s arms quickly wrapped around Q’s waist and back holding him close as he let Q explore his mouth, schooling himself to not take control of the kiss. Bond wasn’t at all convinced that Q was normally this aggressive when it came to sex, having watched him just a few days ago struggle to flirt, and the kiss at the bar the young blond had pressed on Q was clearly Q receiving, and not controlling. But if this was what Q needed to find his way into Bond’s bed, then Bond wasn’t going to complain, he’d let his quartermaster have complete control. He had a lot of practice trusting the directions that Q gave him and he’d follow Q’s lead here as well. The only concern Bond fought was that Q would regret this tomorrow and Bond wondered if he shouldn’t slow this down a bit. 

Q broke the kiss, the taste of whiskey on his tongue from Bond’s mouth, then stepping back, his hands ran down the planes of Bond’s chest, fingertips stopping to swirl around the brown flat discs, quickly pebbling under his touch. Q ducked his head to softly lick the hard nipple he now found with his tongue, before suddenly nipping hard, his teeth catching the skin and sucking it between his lips. Bond gasped in surprise his hands coming to Q’s head to grab at the dark hair that now moved to repeat the assault on the other side of his chest. Bond’s eyes rolled up and his head tilted back on his shoulders as he groaned, “Fuck, Q!” 

“Not yet Bond. But soon.” Q offered with his normal sassy tone, making Bond laugh. Q looked up at him and raised his eyebrows as he reached around and grabbed Bond’s arse hard, using it as leverage to spin Bond around, his back now to the bed. Q’s nimble fingers had Bond’s trousers undone in a second and both pants and trousers down to his knees in another. By the third, Bond found himself on his back, his pants at his ankles as Q climbed over the top of him, his hands pushing on Bond’s shoulders to hold him down as Q ran his nose and lips up his muscled torso, a quick sharp bite to the spot where his neck curved to his shoulder making Bond hiss and tense below the young man. 

“Ow!” Bond complained, but then hummed at the soft tongue that licked across the red welt, until Q did it again, this time on his bicep as he twisted working his way back down Bond’s body. “Damn it Q, ahhhh….” He couldn’t help but change his response as Q’s hand now circled and stroked his cock, so much for slowing things down. Another bite to his ribs, and he jerked in response, hissing, and then laughing as he realized with each bite his cock just got that much harder. He groaned, a bite now to his hip, Q’s talented hands all over his cock, his balls, his thighs. “Q, you’re going to leave me more bruised after this then when I come back from a mission.” 

He felt Q’s breath brush the tip of his penis and quickly raised his head to look down at the young man who now hovered over him, his cloudy green eyes meeting Bond’s with a wicked glint making Bond warn him, “I swear to god, if you bite my prick Q.” But all he got was a laugh, and then he was engulfed in warm wetness, Q’s cheeks hollowing as he sucked him hard to the back of his throat. Bond clenched his hands in the sheets and threw his head back. “Christ, Q, your mouth.” Q just hummed warmly in response, sucking again and again until Bond could do nothing but moan above him. 

Q pulled off leaving Bond panting, as he rolled quickly to his side, pulling condoms and lube out of his pocket before quickly shedding the rest of his clothes. He smiled when he saw Bond’s eyes grow wide. “You thought I wouldn’t come prepared? Please give me more credit than that Bond.” 

“No, I just…” Bond stopped talking. He couldn’t find the words. It just now occurred to him that Q might actually be planning to fuck him, and Bond had never been the bottom. Yes Bond preferred men, but he’d always played a certain role, and he had a sudden rush of adrenaline as he fought to stay still, his fight or flight response wanting him to sit up and take control of this before Q went any further. 

Q must have read the look on his face perfectly. “Don’t worry Bond,” Q ripped open a condom wrapper and quickly straddling Bond’s thighs he rolled it down over Bond’s cock. “I prefer to be the one fucked, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still in control.” Q opened the bottle of lubricant with the flick of his wrist, generously applying it to Bond’s cock before sliding forward, raising his own hips and before Bond could stop him he sunk himself down until his hips met Bond’s. 

Bond panicked, “Wait,” he reached for Q, his hands finding Q’s ribcage, trying to stop him. “I don’t want to hurt you.” But the look on Q’s face as he bottomed out over Bond was one of pure bliss. Bond threw his head back onto the pillows, his hands grabbing hold of Q’s hips as his own hips came up hard involuntarily as Q ground down on him. 

Q hissed in pleasure, “really Bond. I just told you I came prepared.” 

“Christ Q, you’re going to kill me.” Bond heaved as he braced his knees behind Q, feeling Q start to move over him. 

“It’s my job to keep that from happening.” Q leaned forward, bracing his arms, his hands on Bond’s chest, his head hanging forward, hair flopped low hiding his face as he rode the man below him. 

“Q, I’m not going to last if you keep going like this,” Bond heaved, trying to stall the rising thrum of electricity he could feel running through him. 

Q ground down even harder making Bond absolutely groan. “Let it happen,” he moaned in reply. “I want another round before this night is through and given how old you are, your recovery is likely slower than mine.” 

“You brat, are you calling me old?” Bond surged beneath him, holding Q’s hips down, making Q keen against him, Q reached for his own cock, feeling the rush of his orgasm overtake him with a few hard pulls, as Bond throbbed through his own feeling Q spasm around him. 

Q still held himself above Bond, both hands back on his shoulders as he heaved and panted, trying to catch his breath. Looking down he smiled as Bond lay below him, eyes closed, breathing hard through his nose as he let the endorphins wash through him. This had gone rather well Q thought, quite pleased with himself. But when Bond’s ice blue eyes opened, quickly grabbing Q’s hazel eyes in his gaze, and then Bond’s hands slipped up Q’s sides to try to gather him down and close, Q pushed away, sitting up and then quickly sliding off, leaving Bond on the bed to deal with the fact that he was covered in Q’s ejaculate and wearing a condom filled with his own to deal with however he saw fit. 

“Where are you going?” Bond sat up, his hand brushing across his stomach, Q’s cum now cooling on his skin. He watched Q shimmy himself back into his trousers, skipping his pants, his slender hips still showed Bond’s fingerprints. 

“Pizza, of course,” Q smirked, “it might even still be warm.” And with that Q walked out of the room leaving Bond naked on the bed behind him. 

Bond threw an elbow over his face as he huffed into the dark crook of his arm. “What the bloody hell just happened?” he wondered aloud to the empty room. Q had just waltzed into his flat and shagged him blind, that’s what had happened. Bond couldn’t move, his limbs heavy and body buzzing as he replayed everything in his head. He hardly even had a chance to touch Q through all of that. He hadn’t run his hands over all that creamy pale skin, he hadn’t even managed to get a hand on Q’s cock, and where was the kissing? Bond loved a good snog and except for the one that Q planted on him before pushing him back onto the bed there had been none. He flexed his arm and felt the bruise from Q’s teeth started to form on his bicep. He sat up and looked at his body. He was covered in bites. Q had used him and walked out. “Well, that just won’t do,” Bond declared, reaching down to roll off the used condom, clean himself up and go find his sassy, sexually demanding quartermaster. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook:   
When did I become a biter? 

~~~


	5. Black Currant Jam

Chapter 5: Black currant jam

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Develop algorithm to generate random cell phone passwords and implement immediately. 

~~~

Q stood in Bond’s kitchen eating a slice of pizza off a napkin, a glass of water at his elbow waiting for the inevitable conversation he was now going to try to NOT have with the Queen’s deadliest agent. He had a moment when he was putting his trousers back on where he considered just walking out the front door and calling this a win, but he was better then that kind of behaviour, or at least he was better than repeating that kind of behaviour, after his disappearing act last Saturday morning. Honestly, Q was surprised Bond had let him get away with what he had just done. Bond was clearly stronger than Q and if he had wanted to change the dynamic in that bedroom he could have easily, but Bond had followed Q’s lead and let Q do whatever he wanted. Q felt his knees go a little wobbly at that realization and turned, lifting himself up onto the counter to sit, not sure standing was such a good idea. 

Bond appeared in his peripheral vision, long cotton pyjamas covered his legs and that was all. Q’s eyes opened wider at the sight of all the bite marks and he grimaced apologetically, trying to tear off the string of cheese still attached to the pizza before putting down the slice. 

“Admiring your handiwork?” Bond inquired, pulling down the fabric from his cotton clad hip to show a particularly dark bruise forming along his lower abdominal muscle that ran at an angle south into the soft hair just below, as he leaned against the doorframe studying the young man who now sat on his countertop. 

“Mmm” he hummed, “I might have gotten carried away. Apologies.” Q smirked, then smiled broadly and took another bite of his pizza. “Pizza, 007?” Q grabbed the box and pushed it in Bond’s direction sliding it across the counter.

Bond narrowed his eyes, “sure”, he said quietly, walking slowly towards Q and bypassing the pizza box until he reached Q’s knees. One hand on each knee he pushed them apart, spreading Q’s legs wide until he could step between them, leaning into the smaller man, opening his mouth for a bite from the piece Q still had in his hand. Q turned the piece and offered it to Bond watching him bite and pull on the pizza, feeling Bond’s hands slide slowly along the outside of his thighs and hips, his fingers landing on his lower back as he pulled Q closer to the edge of the counter, Bond’s hard stomach brushing the inside of Q’s trouser legs. Bond swallowed the pizza, then took a sip of Q’s water, one hand staying on Q’s lower back, his fingers drifting into the top of Q’s trousers to stroke the soft skin he found. Putting down the water as Q watched him quietly, Bond finally reached up and slid his free hand around the nape of Q’s neck to draw him down for a kiss. It wasn’t a deep kiss, or even particularly long, but it made an important connection for Bond and as the kiss ended he leaned his forehead against Q’s and just stood there for a long minute. “Are we going to talk about this?” Bond asked. 

“No,” Q said quietly, “not now. Not yet.” Q brought his hands up to rest on Bond’s shoulders. “Tonight, I just want this. Can I just have this?” 

Bond nodded, his nose brushing up and down Q’s in acknowledgement. “All right,” he whispered against Q’s mouth before he leaned back in to kiss him again. Languid and easy they explored each other until Q sucked Bond’s lower lip into his mouth and bit down holding on. Bond slowly pulled back, his lip stretching, held in Q’s teeth. “Really?” he mumbled and huffed, making Q laugh and let him go. “Do you always bite?” 

“No” Q answered quietly, “actually I don’t. Perhaps it’s me working out my frustration with you.” 

Bond shook his head with a smile. “Can I bite you back?” 

Q pushed on Bond’s shoulders to back him up sternly warning him, “NO!” 

 

~~~

Bond woke first, Q sprawled on his back like a starfish across the bed, one hand on Bond’s face, a knee in his groin, Q’s ankle draped over Bond’s opposite knee. They had eventually worn each other out, and fallen asleep. Bond flexed his leg and felt his muscles sing with strain, he shifted his arm and grimaced, flexing his stomach he nearly groaned, he couldn’t remember the last time sex had made him this sore. All of it aggressive and hard and all of it had been on Q’s terms. It had certainly been satisfying but it wasn’t at all what he had expected from the young lithe man that lay next to him. Q had pushed him all night, taking what he wanted from Bond and keeping Bond at as much of a distance as he could. There had only been a few moments all night where Q had let down his guard, the kitchen, as Q sat on the counter letting Bond kiss him the most significant. And now as the older man considered the younger he realized how badly he wanted the gentle affection and slow discovery that had been missing all night. He wanted his turn to touch and caress. 

Bond gently moved Q’s hand from his face feeling Q’s fingers trail over his cheek as reflexively Q turned onto his side, away from Bond. He curled into a gentle curve, his back a pale canvas dotted with moles and freckles, the knobs of his vertebrae creating small hills below the surface. Bond reached out to trail a finger up Q’s back and then over the soft curve of his shoulder and down his arm. Q was sinewy and strong under that pale skin, but now in his sleep he was relaxed, his muscles soft, his skin smooth under Bond’s hands. All night he had wanted to touch Q like this and had been denied. 

Bond shifted up onto his hip, balanced on his forearm he leaned in and softly kissed Q’s shoulder, slow sweet brushes of his lips, a pucker every now and then as he worked his way down Q’s arm, sliding to his rib cage, brushing his cheek against Q’s skin, inhaling the warm smell of his body, tasting him slowly as he drifted up Q’s spine to the nape of his neck. His hand drifted down over Q’s hip and Q shifted in his sleep, his deep slumber lightening as he came slowly to consciousness. 

Q’s awareness was groggy at best. He was exhausted and as he pulled himself from the fog of sleep he could feel the ache in his muscles, then he became acutely aware of the feeling of breath on the nape of his neck, and a sliding hand on his hip and he was suddenly wide awake, flying to a sitting position and throwing covers back onto the body that lay next to him. “SHIT! I fell asleep.” 

Bond chuckled pushing the covers off his face, “well after everything we did last night, that was the inevitable outcome.” He felt the younger man tense beside him and it made James tense up as well. Bond’s voice grew wary and deep, “or was it always your plan to be gone before sunrise and you’d let me wake up alone?” Q looked at him sheepishly, his long lanky fingers awkwardly combing through the wild mess of hair that now swirled atop his head. “Q, you do remember I’m a spy and trained assassin, you really think you could have snuck out without me waking up?” 

Q just looked away, embarrassed to be caught out, but Moneypenny’s suggestion that Q make Bond a notch in his bedpost and not the other way around had meant that Q had planned on bringing this to a quick end on his terms. He shifted his hips closer to the edge of the bed. But Bond quickly reached out to stop him, wrapping his arm around Q’s waist and pulling him back to the bed, quickly rolling atop the young man, pining him down with his body, his knees pushing between Q’s making Q spread his thighs to give room to Bond’s legs. Both of Q’s wrists quickly caught and held on the pillow on either side of his head as Bond looked down at the blushing cheeks of the young man below him. “Don’t you dare go,” Bond whispered against Q’s lips before brushing his own warmly over them, then sliding his stubbled jaw against Q’s as he leaned in further, mouthing at the pale column of Q’s neck as Q tried to stretch out of Bond’s reach. 

“Bond, please.” Q whimpered, scrunching his eyes closed in frustration at the sound of his voice. 

The older man pushed back onto his elbows, not letting go of Q’s wrists to look down, “after all we’ve done together Q, I really think you should call me James.” Then he smiled as the blush on Q’s neck and cheeks grew two shades darker. He watched Q swallow hard, his chin turning away as he averted his gaze. 

“Actually I should probably call you double oh seven, since it’s your title, and Q is mine. You don’t even know my name.” Q said quietly, lying as still as possible and desperately trying to ignore his morning erection, and the one that he could feel sliding against his. 

James paused, “and you can’t tell me your name, because it’s classified and above my access.” He had tried every possible way to get access to that file already, worried that at some time in the future if Q left MI6 that James would never be able to find him, which was sort of the point. 

“Correct, I can’t tell you.” Q swallowed hard. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. 

James leaned down and kissed Q softly, lowering his chest to rest against the slight frame that sank into the mattress below him. Gently he coaxed his quartermaster into relaxing below him. “Does anybody call you anything other than Q?” 

“No.” Q hummed against James’ mouth as his mouth was gently plundered. 

“Do you think of yourself as Q?” James asked, his breath now ghosting over Q’s ear.

“Yes,” Q replied quietly. 

“Then you are Q and I am James.” He felt Q’s chest rise with a big inhale, and as he lifted his face to look down at him, he saw Q’s uneven smile. “Now, I want you to lie back and think of England.” James teased him. “Last night you gave me no opportunity to touch, and it’s my turn to play. I’ll let you take charge again next time when you invite me to dinner at your place.” 

Q worked his arms in between them and pushed back on James’ shoulders. “Next time?”

James raised an eyebrow at him, “of course next time Q. Did you really think I’d want this to be only one night?” 

“Well I…I…” Q stammered, “I didn’t want to assume…” an overwhelming flood of emotions suddenly welled up as Q realized what James had said and Q had to mentally push them away, focusing instead on James’ comment about dinner. Q got a disgruntled look on his face, “and what do you mean when I invite you to dinner? I brought dinner this time!!” 

James laughed, “yes, and the pizza was pretty good. I meant that I’ll bring dinner next time. You just have to invite me.” 

“How about Friday?” Q asked, hoping he wasn’t being too bold, his emotions were making him feel vulnerable. 

“What’s wrong with tonight?” James smirked, then swiveled his hips down to brush hard against Q’s. 

Q swallowed as a surge of heat flushed through his body, “James, wait.” He tried to sink his hips down into the mattress to get some space.

“What now Q?” James was starting to think he’d never get a chance to explore. 

Q bit at his bottom lip and spoke quietly making James strain to hear him, “I don’t think I can do this.” 

James froze, there were several ways of interpreting what Q just said. “You don’t think you can do what Q?” Desperately not wanting to hear Q say, “I can’t do you and me”

Q blushed and averted his eyes, “I’m a bit tender.” 

“What?” James smiled, relieved to realize Q wasn’t talking about long term relationship statuses.

Q rolled his eyes and huffed in exasperation, “I’m sore okay. My arse is tender. Twice last night, and well, you know it’s been a while.”

“Yes, expired condoms, I remember”

“Yes, well, I don’t think I can…” Q stammered.

James cut him off, “it’s okay Q. I just want to…”

But Q suddenly got this panicked look in his eyes, “Shit, James, it’s Tuesday! We can’t be doing this. I’ve got to go to work!” The sun was well up and streaming through the windows. Q pushed hard against James’ shoulder forcing him to roll to his side as Q grabbed his phone off the night stand. “Shit, we are really late.”

James just rolled his eyes, grabbed Q’s phone and chucked it into the pile of clothes on the floor, then grabbed Q and rolled him back beneath him. “No we aren’t. I texted Eve and told her you’d be in late this morning.” 

“YOU TEXTED EVE?” Q said very loudly. “Oh god.” Q flopped an arm over his eyes in despair. “She knows.” 

James chuckled, “yes, she knows. And since I used your phone and she clearly thought it was you texting her, she says congratulations, wants to hear everything and hopes that I was as good a fuck as everyone thinks I am.”

Q threw his arm back and sat up on his elbows glaring at James. “You did not!” 

James laughed and rolled onto his back, clear they weren’t fooling around until he could figure out how to get Q to shut up. “I did.”

“But I have a password!” Q protested. 

“Yes you do.” James winked at him, “I guessed 2663 on the second try.” 

“Oh fuck.” Q dropped to his back, both hands now coming up to cover his face in humiliation. 

“Yes… we did… as a matter of fact you told Eve we did it twice.” James teased him, then reached beneath the covers to press a hand to the space between Q’s knees, encouraging him to open his legs as he once again rolled into the space between them. “Now will you let me finally reap the rewards for letting you use me like a chew toy last night?” Sensing Q was about to apologize yet again, James pressed his mouth firmly to Q’s, quieting him immediately as his calloused fingers began to explore all that was Q below him. 

By the time James had finished mapping the terrain of Q’s lithe sinewy body, he had managed to turn him into a writhing, panting, sweat covered mess. Now Q lay quietly his hands thrown over his head as he tried to catch his breath. His chest still heaving he tried to slow his breathing feeling fingers slowly trace the lines of his ribs. He opened his eyes and looked down his body, smiling at the image of James Bond lying face down, his nose breathing gently into the soft concave curve of Q’s stomach, his hands raised, one on each side stroking Q’s ribs as he rested, satisfied and worn out from his exploration, the taste of Q’s cum in his mouth, the smell of Q’s body in his nose and the feel of Q’s skin on his lips as he gently kissed his tummy before raising his head to look up at the young man that had stolen his senses. 

“Okay?” James asked quietly. 

“What a ridiculous question,” Q laughed, making James’ cheek bounce against his stomach. 

James grinned boyishly and placed a final kiss to Q’s belly button before levering himself up Q’s body, elbows finally landing over the top of Q’s shoulders, wrapping his arms around the top of Q’s head to shelter him into a lusty warm kiss. 

“What about you?” Q asked, suddenly sobered at the warm emotions welling up at James’ affection. “You okay?” 

“I’m fine.” James grinned then lowered his head to press his forehead to Q when he saw Q’s frown, “really I’m fine, you were a bit unaware of what else was happening when I made you come. I took care of myself.” Q blushed and tried to hide his face turning away, but James ducked his head forcing Q’s chin up as he did so, his teeth finding a spot high on Q’s neck, below his ear to deliver one sharp bite, sucking hard before he let go. 

“OW!” Q arched in protest, his hand flying to his neck to cover the wound. “Why did you bite me NOW?” 

James laughed, pushing up and rolling off the smaller body still below him to finally rise from the bed. “I wasn’t about to show up at MI6 covered in bruises and have you arrive as pristine as alabaster. I put that one so high on your neck not even one of your high roll necked jumpers will be able to hide it.” 

“You marked me?” Q sat up, pressing on the wound and then looking at his fingers to see if he was bleeding. 

James raised his eyebrows and started pointing at all the purple welts he now sported thanks to the sharp eye teeth of the quartermaster who still sat in his bed. “Pot, kettle.” James chuckled then turned to head towards the bathroom needing a shower before he could consider the rest of the day. 

Q rubbed his hand over the bite mark, as he watched a very naked James Bond walk out of the bedroom, his perfect arse even had a purple mark and Q smiled at the memory of how that one had gotten there. Letting himself fall back to the bed, he couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face. His entire body hummed. When he heard the chime of his phone he sat up searching the room for the sound. “Eve,” he sighed and scrambled from the bed to retrieve it. 

He punched in the password, 2663- (BOND) and grimaced, worried about what he’d find in his text messages. He scrolled quickly. Bond and Moneypenny had quite a conversation at 6:30 this morning, as James pretended to be Q. And now, four hours later Eve had texted again. “Any chance you are actually getting out of Bond’s bed today?” 

He couldn’t answer her question with a snarky comeback, given he was actually still in Bond’s bed, but he could fix that quickly. Slipping on James’ cotton pyjama bottoms until he could get a turn in the shower, he gingerly walked to the kitchen. His arse was a bit more sore than he had realized. Hot tea in his mug he leaned against the counter, realizing that James’ hard kitchen chairs didn’t feel good at all sitting down and finally answered Moneypenny. “I am not in Bond’s bed. And I’ll be into work by noon… as soon as I change out of Bond’s pyjama bottoms and find my own clothes.” He hit send before he regretted his decision, he was feeling too happy not to share with Eve. 

It took less than five seconds, “I wouldn’t think Bond owned pyjamas. Wear them in, I want to see them.”

James emerged from the shower wrapped in a towel and was surprised to find Q no longer in bed, a sudden shot of adrenaline as he worried that Q had fled once again. But then he heard Q’s giggle in the kitchen and pulling on boxer briefs and blue jeans he went to find him. The sight of Q in his pyjama bottoms, slung low over his slender hips, one foot crossed over the other as he leaned against his counter, giggling as he sent another text from his phone while he sipped his tea made James flood with warmth. It was downright domestic. And it caused a little pang of anxiety that he had to immediately tamp down. James’ internal monologue reminded him that this is exactly what he had wanted, but wanting and having it were apparently two different things. Then Q spotted him and turned with a smile. “Tea?” 

“Ta,” James answered, taking the second mug from Q, reaching up to ruffle his hand through Q’s hair as he smiled.

“What?” Q squirmed, he reached up with the flat of his hand and ran it over his hair.

James’ smile reached wide across his face as his eyes glittered back at Q, “I think you may have the wildest bed head I’ve ever seen.” He leaned forward and reached a hand back up to fluff the front, which was going in at least twenty seven directions. 

“Stop it.” Q batted his hand away, then set down his tea and used both hands to try to flatten his hair. He knew it was a losing battle, he’d have to wet it to get it lay down.

James turned to pull bread out of the refrigerator, toast was the only thing he wanted this morning. “Q, why do you wear glasses? I know you don’t wear contacts.” He said as he turned back around.

Q was still trying to get his hair to cooperate. “No, I don’t. How do you know that?” 

“Because after you took off your specs last night you never put them back on, and you clearly aren’t walking around blind.” Q was about to answer, but James continued, “And you didn’t wear them to the bar last Friday, and when I brought you back here, I checked to make sure you didn’t have contacts in before I put you to bed.” 

Q’s mouth, which had been open prepared to speak, snapped shut again. He hung his head momentarily. “James, about last Friday.” James didn’t respond, it was clear Q was trying to think through what he wanted to say. Q looked up briefly, then ducked his head again to take another sip of tea. “I don’t remember much of what happened after we got in the cab. I apologize if I said or did anything that was…”

“Was what?” James gave him a half teasing smile.

Q’s cheeks went pink in embarrassment, “That was… inappropriate.” 

James pursed his lips to suppress the laugh that wanted to escape. Inappropriate. What a proper British word to use to cover for so many other things. He turned to retrieve the toast when he heard it pop. “Don’t worry Q. Nothing inappropriate was said, or done.” James knew if he told Q the truth, Q would stammer and blush red, and there was no reason to embarrass him considering all the inappropriate things they had done to each over the past twelve hours. He’d hold what Q had really said and done last Friday secret. He changed the subject back to Q’s glasses. “So then why the spectacles at work?” 

Q glanced up, “They aren’t prescription.”

“A fashion accessory Q? Do you wear them just to look cute?” James teased him. 

“NO!” Q protested as James laughed. 

“Are they tech?” James asked, schooling his face, he had figured they had to be some sort of Q invention.

Q smiled mischievously. “Yes.” 

“What do they do?” 

“Lots of things.” Q raised his eyebrows, “But that’s a secret.” Then grabbing the piece of toast James had just covered in black currant jam, he took a bite as he brushed past him, leaning in to give him a quick kiss leaving jam on Bond’s lower lip. “I’m going to shower. I checked my texts from this morning and apparently I told Eve I’d be into MI6 by lunch time.” 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook:  
Bloody hell that felt good. But I never in my wildest dreams expected him to be a cuddler. And he radiates like a blast furnace in his sleep. And while I was curious to explore all his scars, (really that one from where Eve shot him is pretty extraordinary), I was really much more intrigued to discover that I could find patterns in the freckles and moles on his skin. It’s like computer code, or like a dot to dot puzzle. I think I could probably trace a cat on his back by connecting them all together. I suspect he wouldn’t appreciate that. Also black currant jam is my new favorite, must stop to get some at Tesco. 

~~~


	6. Q-ualms

Chapter 6: Q-ualms.

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary:  
Establish new double 0 communication training protocols for Q branch support staff. Develop strategies to secure safety for petulant, tantrum throwing double 0 agents who insist on disregarding directions. Consider including an electrified watch, or perhaps a pen that can be included in field kit, but can be operated remotely by Q staff in order to shock the hell out of irritating agents when they purposely put mission at risk just to irritate you. 

~~~

Q turned down James’ offer to drive them both into work, needing a little distance and knowing it would set tongues wagging if they showed up together. Instead he used his cats as an excuse to escape and stop at home first. He opened the front door using the palm scanner hidden behind the swing away door trim, he still wasn’t sure how Bond always managed to get around his security, and now he wasn’t sure if it even really mattered. He called for Penelope and Eleanor as he headed for the kitchen to refill their automated food dispenser. It was lower then expected. “Eleanor, come here.” His pudgy tabby wandered into the kitchen at the sound of her name and he grabbed her, running his hand over her collar. The food dispenser was set to recognize the microchip in each of their collars and he wondered if she’d managed to override it somehow. Penelope never ate that much, but Eleanor was food centric and would eat all day if he let her, so the dispenser was set to only open for a limited time each time she came to the dish and a maximum of ten times total. “Did you get into that food dispenser somehow?” Her collar seemed to be fine. He’d check the scanners later, knowing a little extra food wasn’t the end of the world. He snickered, a half smile edging up his face realizing Bond probably didn’t know that Q knew everything Bond did when he broke into Q’s flat. 007 had no idea that both cats had microcameras in their collars and Q knew full well that Bond spoiled his cats every time he stopped in, especially Eleanor. “I think James has a serious crush on you Eleanor,” he murmured into her fur as he scruffed her neck and then set her back down on the floor. The sassy cat just flicked her tail and sashayed out of the kitchen. “And I have a serious crush on him.” Q said to himself as he rubbed at his neck then headed to the bedroom to find a jumper that could cover the mark below his ear. 

Penelope joined him and jumped on the counter in the bathroom, rubbing her chin against Q’s as he scowled in the mirror realizing James had indeed left a bruise higher then any of his jumpers could cover and he looked ridiculous when he tried to tie a scarf around his neck. Penelope’s tail brushed around his neck as she did everything she could to get Q to pay attention to her and he hummed in amusement when he realized his bruise was the same color as her gray blue fur. “Maybe I can just wear you around my neck today,” he smiled as he rubbed his face into her fur making her purr. But in the end best he could do was a black rollneck, and a careful brush of his hair, trying to pull lanky curls down and around the back of his ears. Damn agent. 

Q was introspective on his tube ride to work. Now that he didn’t have Bond all over him he tried to replay all of what he had done last night and was struggling to make sense of it all. He didn’t regret what had happened, but he had definitely been caught by surprise at James’ unexpected affection this morning. Q didn’t trust easily and he certainly knew better then to trust a trained spy. Most of what Bond did for his job was smooth talk and lie his way into people’s good graces to get what he needed, and really at least half the time Bond lied to get things he wanted but didn’t even really need. Q still couldn’t really comprehend that Bond had actually wanted him. 

He really had planned to leave in the early hours, maybe not secretively, but certainly before anything of consequence could happen, and then he’d ended up completely losing control as Bond had him writhing beneath his talented hands and dear lord the things that man did with his tongue, Q felt his cheeks flush at the immediate memory. Then there had been the lovely moment in the kitchen. Shared toast and tea while he wore Bond’s pyjama bottoms. It had felt so normal, so lovely to share space, to be relaxed and intimate with each other, the sweet casual peck of a kiss as Q wandered off with James’ toast made Q curl his toes with happiness. He wondered how long it would take Bond to realize Q had absconded with his pyjama bottoms in his laptop bag. Q wanted the memory reminder. Because for as lovely as all the memories were, he was pretty sure this had all been a very bad idea. 

Q was one of Bond’s superiors and already Q was worried about how he’d be able to do his job now that he had slept with 007. He frowned, then sighed when his stop was announced and as he stood waiting for the doors to slide open the gentle female voice reminded him to “mind the gap.” He thought it rather ironic as he was considered all the open emotional gaps he now had to mind, and how he would need to go about closing them back up. 

Sitting down at his desk after avoiding Riley and everyone else in Q branch, he tried to focus on the priority tasks in his in box but it took Moneypenny less then five minutes to be at Q’s office door. “Did you have the CCTV live feed up on your computer just waiting for me?” he asked when she strode in beaming ear to ear.

“Yes, I did as a matter of fact.” Eve grinned and tossed a small pillow to Q. “Here, I thought you might need this.” 

“Ha ha, funny.” Q quipped, then immediately blushed a deep red, especially when he realized it would actually help, but he would be damned if he’d put it under his bum while Eve was still in his office. “I have work to do Eve.” Q turned back to his computer trying to ignore the inquisitive eyes that he could feel burning into his back. 

“You know I’m not leaving until you at least tell me something,” she pestered him, one hand on her hip as she rocked back and forth on her heels. 

Q paused but didn’t turn around when he said, “well, you should know none of the texts you received before 10 a.m. from my phone were sent by me. You were talking to Bond.”

Eve burst out laughing as she pulled her phone out and started scrolling, “I should have known. There was no way you would have told me how big Bond’s cock was so quickly.” She smirked when she saw Q sink his head down into his shoulders in embarrassment. “That would have taken at least two drinks after work.” Then she spotted the welt and quickly closed the distance between them, leaning in to brush her hand through his hair forcing his head to tilt to the left. “Is that from 007?”

Q reached up quickly to smooth his hair down, looking sideways at Eve and not answering, as he pulled the roll neck up higher under his ear.

“It is!” she cried out in glee. “How many others did he give you? I could see at least four on Bond.” 

Q’s eyes went wide, “what?” 

“He came straight into the office when he arrived, M wanted to see him.” Eve winked at Q, “and for some reason he decided to skip his typical suit and tie today. He seemed to be showing them off, if you ask me. Tanner even suggested maybe 007 should go to medical and get them checked out.”

Q closed his eyes and shook his head. “Damn it. He’s incorrigible. I knew this was a bad idea.” 

Eve just tutted at him, “not at all. Enjoy it while it lasts Q. I think you officially have a bed post with a great big notch now.” 

“While it lasts…” Q murmured, but Eve didn’t hear him. 

“Drinks later sweetie?” she bumped the arm of his chair with her well dressed hip as she turned to go. “You know I want to hear your version, now that I know what I got this morning was 007’s.”

Q just waved her away, “maybe. Don’t know. I’ll check in later.” An e-mail from Tanner had just appeared in his inbox, referencing Bond and the need for tech for a mission. Q read it with an increasing frown.

It was hours later that Bond finally arrived in Q branch and Q was still sitting in his office. Bond’s required tech and equipment had been collected by Riley per Q’s orders and was waiting on his desk. Q was still digging through e-mails and paperwork that had piled up from his late arrival this morning, but he looked up when he heard the collective gasp from the office floor and then closed his eyes in despair as he ground his teeth and huffed loudly in exasperation. 007 was walking, no not walking, he was strutting, absolutely strutting through the center of Q-Branch wearing a white button down, unbuttoned at the neck, that Q would swear was pulled open further than necessary, showing off several red and purple marks on his neck and collar bones. 

Q tugged on his jumper, then reached up to take off his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose at the headache that was rapidly taking the shape of James Bond as the man crossed the threshold of his door. 

“Good afternoon Q,” James grinned cockily. “Aren’t you warm in that jumper?”

Q didn’t raise his head, just looked up at him warily, his eyes glaring at the preening man in front of him. “Really Bond? Are you serious? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in less than a bespoke suit with a tie, which if you were wearing I would cinch tight to strangle you with right now if I could.” Q put his glasses back on and turned away from the agent. “Go away. I still have work to do.” 

“Oh come on Q, lighten up. I came down to see if you wanted to co-sign the H.R. paperwork that we have to file now that we are in a relationship.” 

Q whirled around and stared at him dumbstruck for a good thirty seconds trying to process what Bond just said before he launched from his chair and in two strides was past Bond and slamming the door to his office shut. “What the bloody hell are you talking about? How did you get from me saying last night that I don’t want to talk about this,” Q waved his arms signaling back and forth between the two of them, “to we are in a bloody relationship?” Q tugged on the bottom hem of his jumper and then subconsciously rubbed at the purple mark just below his ear as he glared hard at 007.

Bond just grinned, “Exactly!” He waved his hand back and forth signaling the two of them, “we need to talk about what this is. And we have to do it before I leave for Germany.” 

Q puffed up his cheeks, and let the air out very slowly as he tried to still his rising frustration. “Moneypenny told me you showed up in the main office for a meeting with M, without a tie.” 

Bond smirked. “That would be true.” 

“Why?” Q’s voice was tinged with wariness. 

“Because I didn’t feel like wearing one.” Bond answered sarcastically. 

“Moneypenny thought you might be showing off the marks I left on your neck.” 

“Am I in a relationship with you and Moneypenny now? Are we going to interpret all of our intentions through her?”

“There is that word again.” Q’s voice was flat and terse.

“What word?” James did a quick mental rewind.

“Relationship.” Q said, his eyes narrowing on Bond. 

Bond huffed and ran his hand up over his short cropped blonde hair, scruffing it back and forth. “Q, everyone is in all kinds of relationships all the time. You are in relationships with Moneypenny, and Tanner, you’re even friends with R.” Bond waved at the door as it opened and Riley’s head popped in. But the glare Riley got when Q looked at her made her blanch and shut it quickly. 

“Just because I used the word relationship…” James continued.

But Q interrupted him, “So we are friends?” 

Bond stopped, “What? No. I was just saying that relationships take many forms, friendship is one of them. But I’m pretty sure what we did last night means we aren’t just friends.”

Q shook his head, “no, no, no… I’m not having this conversation right now. This was a bad idea. Not at work. I’m your superior. I can get fired for this.”

“Not if we file the paperwork.” Bond snickered, even though he didn’t really mean it. Bond never did paperwork. 

Q rounded on him, “There is no paperwork to do Bond! We are not in a relationship.” 

Bond stopped teasing Q as he realized his normally steady, calm quartermaster was rapidly working himself into a rage. Bond’s temper started to peak now as well, “well we are in something Q. Or what the bloody hell was last night?” 

“I don’t know!” Q snarked, throwing his hands up in consternation. “I think it was me trying to get you out of my system!”

Bond pursed his lips into a thin line and dropped his head for a moment before looking up again at Q who had a rather desperate look on his face. “And this morning?” Bond’s voice had gone flat. 

“Wasn’t supposed to happen.” Q said plaintively. “You called me out on that. Remember?”

Bond now glared daggers at Q. “I don’t believe that you don’t want this.” 

Q didn’t answer him at first. Then he tugged down the bottom of his jumper, smoothing it with his hands again. Bond knew the “tell” and steeled himself. 

“Doesn’t matter if you believe me or not 007.” Q said calmly. “This isn’t going to work, there can’t be anything between us.” 

Bond leaned forward, crowding into Q’s space, wanting to reach out and grab him by the shoulders. “Let me remind you, you are the one who showed up on MY doorstep last night. I didn’t start this Q, you did.” 

Q pulled back, he knew Bond was right, but that didn’t change the fact that he now regretted that decision, he had jumped into this too quickly. He cleared his throat and nodded in agreement, “Yes, well, I shouldn’t have. I don’t think it should happen again.” 

“So it’s over before it’s even begun?” Bond snapped in frustration.

Q just nodded. 

“And people think I’m the cruel one,” Bond answered before Q could say anything else, then turned and threw open the door, storming away. Riley’s papers flying into the air like confetti when Bond nearly ran into her. 

~~~

Q left the office two hours later, convinced Bond wasn’t actually coming back and he stopped at Riley’s cube first, depositing Bond’s file and the tech on Riley’s desk. “He leaves tomorrow late morning and I’m sure he’ll be in to get this. He still needs new trackers, I didn’t implant them last week. I’ve left them programmed in the lab, you’ll just need to inject them under the skin. I’ve left two extra, when you inject the one under his shoulder blade, make sure you do the left side, his right side is sensitive from his old gunshot scar. And the one for his hip, do the right side.” Q didn’t tell her it was because he knew Bond was sporting a bright purple bruise on his left because of him, he was hoping to avoid it if possible. “And I’d like you to take over his comms for this mission and get him sorted before he goes. I’ve sent him a message telling him he should see you tomorrow.”

“Sure Boss…” Riley hesitated. She knew something serious had happened between Q and 007 and didn’t know what to say. She knew Q would understand when she finally said, “I’m sorry.” 

“Thanks,” Q gave her a small smile then turned away. “Try to keep him out of my office if I’m in when he gets here tomorrow. Don’t let him bully you.” 

~~~  
Bond left for Germany without seeking out Q, quietly following R’s lead to gather his tech and finish his prep. He thought that four tracker implants was a bit overdone but he didn’t question it, assuming Q had his reasons. But when Bond turned on his earwig once he reached Germany and found R on the other end it was all Bond could do to not explode. “R, where’s Q?” 

“He asked me to cover communications for you this time sir.”

“Did he?” Bond nearly growled. “Right. Well I suspect he’s probably listening in the background, and Q, you should know I expect you to be the one to provide my support. No offense R, but Q’s the only one I work with.”

“I understand Mr. Bond, but really Q isn’t listening, I’m the only one on the channel. But I’ll certainly pass on your concerns. And I’m sure if there is an emergency, I can ask him to step in for support.”

“Right. I actually think he is listening” Bond huffed, not believing for a second that Q wasn’t in the background. But he’d play along for now, at some point Q would be forced into a response. 

“R, I’m signing off for now. Nothing going on until tomorrow and I’m about to check into my hotel room. Q, I’m sure you can keep track of me between now and then via all the trackers you had R inject into me. That one on my hip hurt like hell, especially at the edge of that bite bruise, just so you know.” 

“My apologies about that 007, those trackers close to the bone are always hard to insert,” Riley replied. She had realized too late that she asked Bond to bare the wrong hip and had tried to ignore the clear bite mark she had seen on Bond’s skin. 

“Goodnight Q” Bond answered rudely ignoring R, then switched off the earwig before waving at the security camera in the elevator he was sure Q had probably tapped into immediately. Bond had thought long and hard about his quartermaster on the flight to Germany and was determined to stay clearly in his line of sight until Q was willing to deal with Bond and acknowledge that they needed to reconsider the status of their relationship. 

Q slammed his laptop closed in frustration, cutting the link to the elevator camera, and ending the audio feed to Bond’s comms. “Damn agent,” Q huffed, his hand absently rubbing the healing bruise on his neck. 007 was too smart to think Q wouldn’t keep an eye on him, even though Riley really did think she was the only one on comms. Q had flushed when he heard Bond mention the bruise, which meant Riley had put the tracker in the wrong hip and had seen Q’s bite mark. 

Bond was baiting him but Q was resolved not to respond, because Q could still vividly recall the immediate pain he felt in the pit of his stomach when he had opened the e-mail from Tanner outlining Bond’s mission in Germany. Where Q could have read the details and processed the risks objectively before, even with his unrequited crush on 007, now Q fought not to wretch at the idea of sending Bond into danger. The emotional and physical connection to Bond had immediately compromised Q, and it had been in that moment, as Moneypenny had stood behind him teasing him about his tryst, when Q had opened Tanner’s e-mail that Q knew he would fail Bond if he couldn’t distance himself. It wasn’t what he wanted. It had hurt him badly to tell Bond that their relationship wasn’t possible, but he didn’t know how to support him and keep him safe unless he could keep James at arms length, but that didn’t mean he was going to abandon him, in fact it was just the opposite he’d do more than ever now to make sure Bond could complete his missions and come home in one piece. 

Thus Q’s complete outrage the next day when Bond managed to obviously and willfully disobey Riley’s directions seven different times before they even got to noon, and Bond had ended up nearly cornered by his mark’s bodyguard with a gun aimed at his head. 

“Damn it 007!” Q broke into Riley’s stream, “Listen to me this instant. There is a loose duct cover in the last stall of the lavatory, undo it and get in the tunnel immediately or you are going to end up shot.” 

“Well hello Q, I was wondering how far I was going to have to go to get you to answer me.” 

Q could hear the smirk in Bond’s voice as he pulled off the cover and quickly climbed inside just as the outer door to the men’s room was loudly thrust open. 

“Shut up and sit quietly while I create a distraction to get the bodyguard out of the room.” Q snapped, ignoring Bond’s bait. The fire alarm that began blaring in the hallway outside, as Q overrode the building systems made the burly man quickly evacuate the men’s room, going back to find his employer and abandoning his pursuit of Bond. 

“Thanks Q” Bond offered. 

“You’ve been doing all of this on purpose just to get a response out of me.” Q snapped at Bond, then Q heard the rustle on the communication line and looked up to see Riley looking at him through his office window, panicked as she overheard everything happening and didn’t know what to do. “Bugger. Sorry Riley. I’ll take it from here… for NOW!” he acknowledged and then with a key stroke cut Riley out of the communication line. She immediately looked relieved and sat down quickly in her desk chair, her head in her hands. Q turned his attention back to Bond. “Do you know how much stress you put on my second in command with your childish behaviour. Purposely putting yourself in danger while she tried to keep you safe. Damn it 007, you are a menace.”

“How long do I have to sit in this duct Q?” Bond asked, his knees starting to ache.

“Until I bloody well tell you that you can come out, and I might just leave you there for a good long while you thoughtless idiot.” Q was enraged. 

Bond didn’t reply. He knew he was going to have to wait this out. 

“Seriously Bond, do you have no respect for me? For the people who work for me?” Q’s voice was starting to normalize. 

Bond finally answered, “Of course I do Q, but I don’t want anyone else but you to do my support.”

“I’m responsible for all the agents 007, and my staff are more than capable…”

“Q, I need it to be you. I only trust you.” Bond knew Q wasn’t telling the truth about his feelings and he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to stay directly in his line of sight and remind him of it. Bond knew the things Q couldn’t say, the things he had already said and didn’t remember. He just had to find a way to remind him. 

Q sat quietly for a long moment, processing, remembering his trepidation about whether he could trust Bond, swallowing hard before he could reply, “Bond,” he started. “I was only trying to make it easier… for both of us.” 

“I know. But it’s not easier. And if you say you and I can’t be together, well… I still don’t believe you, but I still want… no, I still NEED you to be my quartermaster.” He could hear Q take a big breath on the other end. 

“Of course,” Q finally answered crisply, “It’s my job to be the quartermaster, I apologize if I forced you into a difficult situation.” 

“Thanks Q,” Bond finally smiled. This was a step in the right direction. “Now can I come out of the damn duct work?” 

“Oh, yes, so sorry, let me just check,” Q turned his attention to the hacked CCTV cameras. “Yes, you are clear. I suggest you go back to your room, until I can reevaluate next steps. I’m going to need a little time, given you compromised your situation with your mark on this mission.” 

“Thanks.” Bond slid out and standing dusted himself off before checking himself in the mirror and coolly walking out of the men’s room, smiling cheekily at the young man who crossed his path in the hallway. 

“Your welcome Bond,” and with that Q went silent, going into listening mode as he started pulling data on the man that Bond still needed to get close to somehow. 

~~~  
“007 are you there?” Q turned his comm link back on and hailed Bond. 

Bond sat up quickly, he had followed Q’s advice and gone back to his room, taking advantage of the down time to drink two bottles of Glen Livet from the mini bar and then reclined on the bed to close his eyes for a few minutes. He’d gotten in the habit in the past two days of idly pressing on the bruise Q had left on his hip with his thumb, the dull ache bringing memories immediately to mind that Bond enjoyed revisiting. “Yes Q, I’m here,” Bond quipped, surprised at Q’s voice in his ear, when he had just been thinking about Q in rather inappropriate ways. 

Q caught the strange choked sound in Bond’s voice, “Are you alright Bond? You sound funny.”

“I’m fine Q, what do you have for me now?” Bond had wanted to tell Q what he’d been thinking about, but he knew if he was too aggressive in his flirtation he’d be back at square one with Q. He was going to have to play this more subtly. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: I think this is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, but I can’t keep him safe if I’m also sharing his bed. The bruise on my neck is fading, I can’t decide if that makes me happy or sad, it has been a visual reminder of that night with him and once it’s gone, all I’ll have are the memories. 

~~~


	7. Courting Cats

Chapter 7: Courting cats

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Short term project: Establish spread sheet to cross tabulate cats response to treats and toys to determine favorites. Long term project: Develop voice recognition system for cats. 

~~~

Q didn’t bother assigning Riley to take over Bond’s comms again once he had admitted he’d been monitoring in the background, but that didn’t mean 007 found Q particularly friendly. Q was doing everything he could to stay professional and neutral, and Bond wasn’t pushing, which made Q incredibly suspicious. As a matter of fact Bond had been on his best behaviour, the mission had been remarkably smooth once Q replaced Riley, though none of what had happened had been Riley’s fault. 

As the day transitioned into evening and Bond was still trailing the blackmailers Q settled in expecting it to be a long night. Bond’s voice now in his ear, “I don’t think this is going to get resolved tonight Q, why don’t you head home. I’ll be fine and I can hit the alert if I need your help.”

“Trying to get rid of me 007?” Q reached for his neck. The bruise from Bond was mostly faded to yellow, but Q could still feel the rough edges on his skin from Bond’s teeth. Moneypenny had caught him running the tips of his fingers over it more than once as she continued to check in with Q, generally muttering something about, “you are both idiots,” under her breath as she left to go back to her office. 

“Of course not Q, but tomorrow could be harried and at least one of us should be well rested.” 

“Mmm, well I can always kip here on the lounge sofa if I need too,” Q responded, he’d pulled up the satellite images and was applying an infra red filter trying to spot the group of men Bond was looking for, thinking he might be able to help Bond move this along more quickly. 

“What about the cats?” Bond inquired. 

“Yes, let’s talk about my cats, shall we?” Q quipped, still searching the images in front of him. “You have managed to disable Eleanor’s collar and I haven’t been able to reset it. What did you do to it?”

“I don’t know what you mean? How did I disable your cat’s collar? It’s just a collar.” 

Q stopped typing. He really shouldn’t do twelve things at once, and casual conversation with Bond while he was trying to do something important never ended well for him. “Never mind,” he answered, changing the subject.

“No Q, not never mind.” Bond crept through another circle of shadow as he worked his way through the back warehouse. “Did you do something techy to your cats collars?” 

Q rolled his eyes and huffed, “techy…” pursing his lips, “Of course I did Bond, it’s what I do.”

“And just what have I messed up?” Bond suspected it was when he took Eleanor’s collar off her in order to scruff up her neck as she rubbed against him, last time he broke into Q’s flat. Ellie loved to have her neck scratched. 

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.” Q knew this was going down a path he didn’t want to tread, he liked knowing Bond didn’t know that he had pictures of Bond snooping through his flat, captured on the cats collar cameras, and that he knew Bond often spent half his time sitting on the couch letting Eleanor rub all over him. Bond was the only person Eleanor really liked. “How do you get into my flat Bond?”

“Ellie lets me in,” Bond said with a laugh. 

Q couldn’t help the smile that slid onto his face, “Ellie? You call Eleanor Ellie? And please explain just how my cat let’s you into the flat?”

“Ask her,” Bond teased Q. “You must have some way of communicating with them, can’t you do something techy to their collars to make them talk like those dogs on that Disney movie?”

“What Disney movie?” Q laughed. 

“You know, the one with the old guy who’s wife died and he took his house up with balloons?”

“Up?” Q laughed again, “And that was Pixar. You think I can make Eleanor talk like Doug the dog?” 

“Sure, I bet she’d have lots to say. I could use Ellie on my side you know, she likes me.”

“Yes, I know she does.” Q hummed. “And what do you mean on your side?” He leaned closer to the image on the screen. “Bond, I think the men you are looking for are ahead of you and around the next corner. Please don’t shoot them all, unless you absolutely must.” 

“Yes, dear,” Bond quipped and then immediately wished he could take it back. 

Q paused, felt his ears go red, was grateful Bond couldn’t see it, and then ignored it. “Just now, turn right. Good luck 007” 

In the end Bond hadn’t killed anyone. Given Q’s ability to get him quietly inside, Bond had retrieved the jump drives with the stolen defense plans and made his way back with no one spotting him. 

“Thanks Q,” Bond had offered as soon as the coast was clear. “That was remarkably easy.”

“Yes, well done Bond.” Q affirmed the agent. 

“We make a good team Q” Bond added, letting Q interpret it however he liked. 

“Yes, well it helps when you listen and actually follow directions.” Q wasn’t going to entertain this conversation tonight. “I think that about does it for tonight. I’ll have Riley arrange your transport home in the morning, I think you can make your way back to the hotel without my help, yes?”

“Yes,” Bond answered, “I believe I can.” 

Q switched off the comms, but kept Bond’s tracker signals on his laptop screen to make sure he actually did make it back to his hotel, quickly sending a message to Riley to book Bond a flight back and to send the information to Bond via e-mail first thing in the morning. Then Q went home to Eleanor and Penelope, wishing he really could come up with some sort of tech that would turn their meows, purrs and growls into a recognizable language. 

The next day Q found a box of German cat treats left on his desk and a note from Bond, “For Ellie.” 

Smiling, he texted Bond. “Penelope will be jealous.” 

Q got a reply almost immediately, “Wouldn’t want anyone to be jealous… I trust you to help them share.” 

 

~~~

Bond had taken nearly back to back missions, knowing it would drive him crazy to stay in London and have to keep his distance from Q, but he knew he needed to give Q some space. First Germany and now Morocco and when he arrived in Q branch for his tech and paperwork he stopped at Riley’s desk. “Good morning R,” Bond beamed, “sorry about the difficulties in Germany.”

Riley jumped, her paperwork once again scattering. She hadn’t heard Bond come up behind her. “Agent 007,” she yelped, making Bond chuckle. 

“Do you have my tech for Morocco?” 

“Morocco?” Riley looked at him surprised, “I didn’t know you were going on another mission so quickly.”

“Q didn’t ask you to outfit me?” Bond raised an eyebrow. 

Riley turned back to her computer and quickly pulled up the active files. “No, but I see it listed, Q’s name is in the column for tech and comm. support.” 

“Right, good.” Bond smiled. “I’ll just go and see him then?” He tilted his head towards Q’s office, before giving Riley a knowing wink. 

Riley smiled back, happy to know that at least Q and Bond were talking again. 

Bond rapt on the door waiting for an invitation to enter. “Enter,” he heard in Q’s clipped professional tone, the music Q had been playing in the background suddenly going quiet. 

“Q?” Bond opened the door only his head peeking in.

Q stood up quickly, “Bond.” His right hand immediately went to his neck, an instinctive response to touch the bite he could still feel, then he dropped it quickly feeling his ears go red as he saw Bond smile. “Come in,” Q schooled himself, looking down to absently shuffle papers on his desk. 

Bond pushed the door open further and strode in straightening his jacket. “R said I was to report to you.”

Q rolled his eyes as he stood to face James, “You do know her name is Riley, don’t you?” 

James smirked, “Yes, but you are Q and she is your second in command, that makes her R.” 

“So it’s not just because her name starts with an R?” Q raised his eyebrows.

“Why? Does your real name start with a Q?” James prodded. 

Q paused, looking intently at James for a long moment before dropping his head and looking for the paperwork on his desk ignoring James question. “I’m assuming you are here to pick up your kit for Morocco.” 

“I am,” James nodded keeping an eye on Q. There was a blush on Q’s cheeks that started after James asked him about his name. Perhaps James was on to something and he nodded, filing away that information before continuing. “Yes.” 

“Right,” Q nodded, finding the file with Bond’s new passport, looking up with a schooled expression on his face, back to the normal unflappable Q. “And as usual, I’m assuming you have nothing to return from the Germany mission?”

Bond smirked and reached into his coat pocket pulling out the earwig, the watch, the gun and the radio transmitter, all in perfect condition. Q shook his head and frowned. “What?” Bond’s eyebrows furrowed in frustration. “I thought you’d be pleased I brought it all back this time.”

Q looked up at him, “Oh I am 007, I am. It’s just clear to me now that you are fully capable of taking care of the things I give you for missions, but in the past apparently you didn’t care enough to try.” 

Bond bit down on his back teeth, his jaw going tense, that was not the response he expected. “Q…”

“It’s alright 007, nice to know you care now,” Q looked up and gave him a nod and a small grin, “right, let’s get the fresh equipment sorted shall we?” 

Bond nodded watching Q turn to retrieve the lock box from the corner of his desk, accepting the new equipment quietly, and taking his plane tickets and other paperwork with a “thank you Q.” 

“You’re welcome 007. Good luck in Morocco.” And then Q turned away, moving back behind his desk. “I guess I no longer have to ask you to try to bring back my equipment in one piece, do I?” 

“I’ll do what I can,” Bond answered, turning to go, feeling like the distance between them was already hundreds of miles. 

Q sat down, looking at his computer screen watching Bond from his peripheral vision, the agents head dropping with a sigh. Q pursed his lips, “Oh and James,” he started once again looking straight at the agent who raised his head in surprise at hearing Q use his first name, “Both Eleanor and Penelope thank you for the cat treats.” 

Bond just smiled and nodded, those ice blue eyes lighting up brightly as he turned to go. 

As soon as his door shut, Q closed his eyes, then rolled his chair back to drop his forehead to his desk fighting the feeling to chase after Bond and kiss him goodbye. When Riley opened his door a few minutes later and spotted her boss still in that position she just closed the door again quietly deciding she should knock loudly next time. 

~~~

Morocco went incredibly smoothly, Bond following Q’s directions to a tee and he was able to come home a day early, all his equipment in one piece. Q found Moroccan catnip on his desk when he came in the next morning with a note, “hope they both enjoy this. J” 

Two more missions followed suit, all remarkably easy, Bond didn’t need to ever do more than check in with medical for a quick once over, and then return his equipment to Q, along with whatever cat appropriate favor Bond had found on his travels. 

Q kept waiting for Bond to force his hand, to do or say something that would push Q into dealing with his confusion concerning the rock of a man that smoothly walked into his office. “Good morning quartermaster,” Bond gleamed at him, a bag of organic salmon flavored cat treats from Russia in his hand. 

“The cats thank you already,” Q smirked, “although I’m not sure I do, that fish smell is strong.” 

Bond looked down at the bag, “is it?” He smirked, “that might explain why the flight attendant kept looking at me funny and no one wanted to sit next to me.” 

Q laughed, a warm giggle escaping as he quickly covered his mouth with his hand, his eyes lifting with smile lines. Bond beamed back at him. Q’s laugh died away and they both stood there looking at one another with silence settling between them. Bond finally broke the quiet, “So… what’s next then.”

“Next?” Q asked, “I don’t think you have another mission set yet do you?”

“No…” Bond paused, “I guess I don’t.” He pulled out his Walther, and his other equipment and reached out to hand it to Q who took a step closer to him to accept it. Bond placed the gun in Q’s palm but didn’t let it go, his thumb slipping down below the edge of Q’s fingers to slide across them. Q didn’t pull away, his eyes rising slowly to meet Bond’s, a broken smile on the corner of his mouth. Bond matched his smile and then let go of the gun. “Well then, thank you quartermaster, I’ll go check in with Tanner and M for my debrief.” Bond was desperate for Q to say something about what was happening between them, or what he hoped would again happen. He knew he couldn’t be the one to take the next step, it had to be Q.

But Q simply nodded and stepped back, not saying anything for fear of saying something he’d regret. 

~~~

Moneypenny pinged Q’s computer about an hour later. “Drinks tonight. Not optional.” 

Q huffed his cheeks. He knew Bond had just been in M’s office, no doubt Moneypenny was meddling again, but it had been a while since he’d accepted one of her invitations. “7:00, the Drunken Rabbit Pub.” 

Eve replied with a smiling emoticon making Q roll his eyes and shut his laptop. 

~~~

Two gin and tonics into the evening Eve pounced on Q, “You know he’s waiting for you to make a move.”

Q took another sip of his beer and leaned back in the booth, “Surprised it took you this long to bring it up tonight Eve.”

“I knew you wouldn’t talk about it until the alcohol loosened your lips,” she smiled. 

“Well Bond will keep waiting,” Q frowned, then ran his hand through his floppy hair. 

Eve pursed her lips and sighed, “Why?” 

Q leaned forward on his elbows and looked at her intensely, “Why? Because Eve, I can’t get even more attached to him. I can barely stand to do his support anymore. I’m constantly worried something is going to go wrong and I’m going to be the one to hear it.” 

“But isn’t it the case that ever since you two…” She paused feeling the burn of Q’s gaze cautioning her to choose her words wisely, “since the night you spent together that all of his missions have actually gone more smoothly? And I hear he’s bringing ALL of his equipment back in working order. Seems like sleeping with him has actually made him a better agent Q.” 

Q bit his bottom lip and worried it under his top teeth. “I’m not sure that’s a good thing Eve.” 

“What?” “Why would you say that?” Eve laughed and reached forward for her cocktail. 

“Because he’s being too careful. He’s always been a good agent because he’s a risk taker. He’s not doing that anymore.” Q twirled his finger through a long lock of hair over his ear, alcohol always made him play with his hair. 

Eve shook her head, “I’d say that M and Tanner are rather pleased with his shift. He hasn’t blown up any significant metropolitan areas, he’s not caused any international incidents by sleeping with women he shouldn’t sleep with.”

Q’s lipped pursed into a thin line and he dropped his hands his fingers tapped agitatedly on the table top. 

“What? Isn’t it a good thing he hasn’t slept with any one else?” Eve was surprised at Q’s response. 

“Not if it means he’s not doing his job.” 

“You want him to sleep with women on his missions?” Now Eve really sounded confused. 

“I didn’t say that.” Q shook his head. “I’m just saying he’s got to be willing to do his job.”

“He has been.” Eve protested. Q didn’t reply. He just took another sip of his beer and sat back in the booth. “Q, what is this really about?” 

“Did you know he’s courting my cats?” Q rolled his eyes. “I think Eleanor thinks James might be HER boyfriend at this point.” 

“What?”

“After every mission I find cat treats, or toys on my desk from wherever he has been. He spent a day walking around smelling like stinky salmon, because the treats he bought for them in Russia leaked on his trousers.” 

Eve beamed at him. “Sounds like he has a crush…” 

“On my cats.” Q chuckled. 

Moneypenny reached forward and tugged Q’s hand across the table to hold it in hers, “Oh sweety, he’d court you directly if he thought it wouldn’t scare you away.”

“I’m not afraid,” Q shook his head. 

“Yes you are,” Eve squeezed his hand. “You are afraid of losing him, so you won’t let yourself have him. But my darling sweet boffin, if something does happen to him, and yes, in his job it might, you are going to mourn him regardless. Not being with him now isn’t going to make that any easier. You’ll just regret you didn’t take advantage of the time you did have.” 

Q didn’t reply. Eve was right, but that didn’t make it any less demented in it’s reasoning. “I think I need another beer.” 

Eve dropped the subject at that point, she knew she had gotten into his psyche. Now it would be up to Q to decide. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: Maybe I should reconsider. Maybe Eve is right. It was easier to ignore my feelings for Bond when I didn’t have any real experience to know what it was like to actually be with him. Now I can’t escape the memories and every time he comes to Q branch my heart hurts even more when I watch him walk away, worried about whether he’ll come back. If I could kiss him goodbye, if I could tell him… tell him what?... I don’t know what I’d tell him. Bugger.  
~~~


	8. Feline spies

Chapter 8: Feline spies

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Quartermaster files closed and password secured. 

~~~

It took two more missions before Q broke and not the way James had intended. The first in Greece had gone like all the others. They flirted but not overtly, Bond followed all of Q’s directions to a tee and all the equipment came back in one piece, along with Greek blue and white feathered toys for Penelope and Eleanor. But the second mission in Croatia went tits up and when Bond made it back to London with the extraction team he immediately was taken to medical for treatment and evaluation. It was Eve who came to see him. “Where’s Q?” Bond asked. 

“Not here,” she frowned.

“What do you mean not here? Where is he?” 007 was not completely coherent, the pain medication they had given him to get him through the flight still clearing his system. 

“He’s gone James. He threatened to quit.” Moneypenny looked beside herself. 

“WHAT?” Bond tried to sit up from the bed and pulled at all the drips and tubes currently attached to him. “He can’t QUIT!”

“Bond, for god sakes don’t hurt yourself even more. I said he threatened to quit.” Eve frowned. “As soon as your rescue team arrived and he knew you were safely on your way back to London he stormed into M’s office and announced he was resigning.” Eve said with a heavy dose of frustration. 

Bond shook his head, “this wasn’t his fault!”

Eve raised her hand to stop Bond from talking, “let me finish! M wouldn’t let him quit.”

“Good!” Bond said loudly startling everyone in the room.

“M told him in order to resign he’d have to go through debriefing, make sure he wasn’t a threat to MI6, agree to be monitored. Q wasn’t having it and finally told M that he wouldn’t quit but that he was taking indefinite leave.” Eve then grinned, “and I believe he ended that statement with, “and if you don’t like it, you can shoot me,” and then he left.” 

“Well where did he go?” Bond was actively resisting the nurse who was trying to stitch up his arm, and thigh and she huffed in frustration throwing up her arms and stepping back leaving the needle and thread dangling from the slashed skin on his bicep. Bond was a mess, in addition to the stitches he was going to need to have his ribs wrapped, several cracked from the beating he had taken, as well as an x-ray of his shoulder to make sure the dislocation had been put back in place cleanly by the field medic and eventually he was going to need to have his nose bandaged because it was likely broken. And yet Bond was acting like there was nothing wrong with him, more concerned about Q then himself. 

“We don’t know.” Moneypenny regretfully acknowledged.

“How can you not know? He’s got a tracker like everyone else in this place, what does it say.”

“He’s turned it off.” 

“You can’t turn them off Eve.” Bond huffed, lord knows if he could Bond would have done it regularly.

“HE can… apparently. We’ve had his second in command looking at the code to figure out what he’s done.”

“Why would he turn off his tracker?” Bond was struggling to clear his head. 

Eve sat down beside Bond, “Even though you and I both know he’s not at fault, it’s clear Q feels responsible for what happened to you James and he’s blaming himself. He was a mess when he stormed into M’s office. I’ve never seem him so distraught.” 

Bond went silent before saying quietly again. “It really wasn’t his fault.”

~~~

Q had stopped at his central London flat to retrieve the cats and a few things he thought he would need and then headed back out immediately, calling a cab given the stacked cat carriers that he knew he couldn’t maneuver on the tube before getting to the train. He needed some time. Time to think. He had sent Tanner and Mallory a short e-mail before leaving his flat, copying Riley confirming that he was taking an indefinite leave in order to leave a paper trail, not sure that what he had screamed at M just a few hours earlier had made much sense. He trusted Riley to handle all ops for the next window of time and sent her a few key issues to look out for regarding several of the agents. He had purposely not copied Eve. Just a few days, maybe a week he thought, just to clear his head, and most importantly to figure out how to get past his feelings for Bond, because listening to James be beaten to within an inch of his life was the worst thing he had ever experienced and he couldn’t do it again. 

~~~

Once Bond was released from medical, and really he was kicked out early because he was making life absolute hell for everyone, he did everything he could to figure out where Q had gone. Riley hadn’t been able to reverse hack Q’s code change to reactivate his tracker and Bond could find no clues to Q’s where a bouts when he broke into Q’s flat, other than knowing for certain that Q wasn’t planning on coming back anytime soon. The cats were gone, his computers were gone and he’d cleaned out the fridge. “The cats!” Bond had an epiphany. Something Q had said to him weeks ago about knowing what Bond had done in his flat, and blaming Bond for damaging Eleanor’s collar. 

“R!” Bond strode into Q branch once again startling the young assistant. 

“Mr. Bond, could you please not sneak up behind me like that?” Riley protested. 

“Sorry. I need your help. Q has cameras in his cats’ collars. And he’s got his cats with him. Could you do some sort of tech search to see if you can find the signal and tap into it?”

“You want me to hack into Q’s cats’ collars?” Riley looked at him like he was crazy.

“YES!” Bond smiled a big teethy smile, and given his healing broken nose which meant he also had two black eyes he looked like a crazed Cheshire cat and Riley found herself wanting to back away even further. 

“Because you think if you can see what the cats are seeing that you can find Q?” Riley asked.

“EXACTLY!” Bond beamed and Riley took two more steps backward, definitely freaked out. Then she stopped and just looked at him dumbly. 

“Can you do it?” 

“Ummmmmmm….” Riley stood staring off into space as her mind raced trying to figure out where she would start. “Do you happen to have any of the electronic pictures that Q would have saved from the cameras?” Riley was hoping maybe they had a code imprint she could search for in the ether. 

Bond frowned, “No… but would he have saved any on his computer in his office?” He knew it was a long shot. Q was fastidious about maintaining his computer files and he highly doubted that Q would leave personal pictures of any kind on his work computer. 

Riley frowned, “even if he did, I don’t think I can get past Q’s security log in to get at his hard drive.” 

“TRY!” Bond said loudly. 

Riley jumped at the command Bond barked at her and darted into Q’s office, Bond hot on her heels. Riley sat in Q’s chair with Bond over her shoulder, making Riley even more nervous and flustered. “Mr. Bond, if I can even do this, it’s going to take me a while. Maybe you should go find something else to do for a while and I’ll call you if I can get in.” Riley was willing to say anything to get the crazy agent to stop leaning over her shoulder. 

“Right,” Bond mumbled. “Sorry R. I’ll go.” 

A few hours later Riley got a text from Eve. “Please tell me you are getting somewhere, or I’m going to be forced to shoot Bond.” 

Riley smiled and sent back a quick note. “I just got in. Give me a little more time to do a search.” Riley was feeling pretty happy about her hacking skills, even though she knew the only reason she had been successful was that Q would have predicted that Riley might need access to files in case Q was compromised. 

Bond was down in Q’s office before Riley could finish. “What did you find?”

Once again Riley jolted upright, quickly trying to minimize a picture on the screen, “Mr. Bond, I swear to god you have got to stop…”

“Sorry, I’ll try to walk louder next time,” Bond didn’t even let her finish her sentence, “wait… what is that?” 007 spotted the picture before Riley could make it go away. 

Riley clicked the picture open again and refused to look up at the agent who was leaning over her shoulder. 

Bond felt his ears go hot in embarrassment, it was a picture of him smiling like a lunatic, his hands reaching out for the creature wearing the camera, clear he was about to grab the cat. He could just make out Ellie’s longer gray fur around the edge of the picture frame. “Right,” Bond tried to hide his embarrassment “so apparently Q did keep pictures on his computer. Could you track the electronic signature to anything live?” Bond had to push down the surge of emotion welling up realizing that Q had this picture of him and apparently looked at it regularly. 

“I did,” Riley answered with glee. “LOOK!” She maximized a live video feed she had reduced in the corner of the screen having just tapped into it before Bond appeared. 

Bond leaned in studying the picture. It was a purple couch, and some sort of yellow pillows. Eleanor wasn’t moving. She was napping. Bond huffed and bit down on his back teeth, Eleanor napped a lot, this could take forever before he could see anything useful. “Did you find any other pictures to trace?” 

“Yeah but we’ve got the feed, won’t this work for what you want?”

“Maybe, but he’s got two cats, and Penny, the other one is way more active, I could be here watching Ellie sleep for hours.” 

Riley nodded and opened the folder of other pictures she had found, watching out of the corner of her eye as Bond scanned them with her. There were a lot more pictures of Bond taken from a cat’s view point, mostly of Bond making a fool of himself. But then Bond reached over and pointed. That one, track that one! It was a picture of Bond with Ellie on his lap, which meant the picture had to be from Penelope’s collar. Riley nodded and went about pulling the electronic signatures and then back coding it to find the live feed. Ten minutes later and there were two feeds to watch. One with purple fabric and yellow pillows, which never moved, and the other on the move, darting around corners and tracking across rugs. And then Penelope stopped and looked up and Bond sucked in a breath, there was Q. 

Q was in a big bright kitchen, a mug of tea at his elbow, a laptop on the counter in front of him. Penelope jumped up onto the counter and brushed against Q’s shoulder, Q gave her a little smile and reached out to scratch her behind her ears, although it was clear from the strain on Q’s face and the dark circles below his eyes that Q hadn’t been sleeping much. Bond leaned in, imagining he could hear Q’s voice as he watched the beautiful tired young man who now looked right at Penelope, saying something to her as he scratched her chin, his fingers moving across the front of the camera and then Penelope was suddenly airborne as Q picked her up and set her back on the floor. Penelope choosing to turn and head back out of the room, finding the purple couch and Eleanor to bother instead. 

“Did you see anything useful?” Riley asked looking up at Bond’s profile that hung just over her shoulder. 

Bond pursed his lips, he wanted to say yes, because just seeing Q was okay was incredibly useful, but he knew that wasn’t what R meant. “No, not yet.” Bond reached up to scratch at his own ear, watching Q scratch Penelope had made his own skin yearn for the feel of those fingers. “R, can you send me the links to those feeds so I can watch them from my phone, or my own computer?” Riley nodded. “I’ll keep an eye on the cats for a while and see what I can figure out.”

“And I can set up a trace to map whatever house they are in based on where they go, maybe we could match a building plan, and a trace for landmark recognition if they happen to pass windows.”

“They are cats, they look out the windows all the time,” Bond quipped, “that’s a good idea.” 

“Thanks,” Riley smiled, then with a few key strokes she had copied and sent the links to Bond. “You can access them just by opening those tabs from anywhere as long as you keep the original message.”

Bond smiled and leaned back to grab his phone to try them, patting Riley on the shoulder in thanks. 

~~~

Bond was on leave as he recovered from his injuries sustained in Croatia, which gave him time to do nothing but sit in his flat with his big screen monitor tuned into two cat feeds. For two days Bond tracked the feeds looking for anything of importance about Q’s location. But that didn’t mean that Bond didn’t learn a lot in those earlier hours. Bond chuckled as he read over his notes, his habit to keep himself focused when he was on a stake out, and this for lack of a better word that was exactly what this was. 

“Ellie needs a tread mill.” Was one note Bond had jotted down. Turns out Eleanor never really moved at all, except to the kitchen to eat, and Bond had watched with surprising interest at the food dispenser Q had rigged to keep Eleanor from eating until she couldn’t move, laughing as the dispenser slid closed moving Eleanor slowly sideways as it did to prevent the door from snapping on her nose every single time. The rest of the time Eleanor pretty much hung out on the purple couch, but on occasion Ellie would suddenly run at high speed and Bond had figured out two reasons. One, Penelope would get a wild hair and chase Eleanor from one end of wherever they were to another until Ellie could wedge herself under some sort of furniture to prevent Penelope from trying to wrestle with her anymore. And two, when Q would call them for snacks, Bond’s snacks to be more precise, and Ellie’s video feed would bob up and down in excitement as she trotted to the kitchen, and then Bond would nearly bob up and down in excitement as well when Q would appear in the feed, his hair wild and mussed, it was pretty clear he hadn’t bothered to brush it in a few days, as he would lean down to offer a few treats to both cats. 

Penny’s feed was much more interesting, if you are interested in seeing what a cat who literally only takes cat naps does the rest of the day and night. Penelope was an explorer and she had a routine. She’d make her way from room to room, moving around the perimeter, undoubtedly rubbing her hips and tail across nearly everything. Penelope was a side ways walker most of the time wanting to love up against whatever was in her line of sight. Bond now knew the number of rooms and the décor everywhere in the house. There were three bedrooms. One was clearly a guest room, generic double bed, dresser with lamp, and a small bathroom that Penelope walked through quickly. The second Q had made into a home office. Still a single bed in one corner, but then a long table that ran two walls that looked like Q branch with half built computers, as well as what looked like a robot, or maybe even two in some state of assembly and testing, and a really big telescope that was pointed out one of the windows. 

Bond sent Riley a note about the telescope in case she hadn’t spotted it. “Telescope suggests he’s far enough outside of London to have a clear night sky, expand the search area.” Then he sent another, “and given the size of this house he must be out at least several hundred kilometers, nothing that big is affordable otherwise.” Bond didn’t know about Q’s small fortune, earned before he decided to work for MI6. 

The kitchen was big, and all done in blue. Q didn’t seem to cook very much, mostly cold cereal and toast based on the plates Penelope would occasionally investigate when Q left them in the sink, along with the half a dozen tea mugs Q would use during the day and then collect to wash at night before bed. Big bright windows looked over a big open field on what must have been the back of the house. 

Bond had started rewatching sections of the feed when both cats were sleeping so he could screen shot things that he thought might be helpful, and that view out the back windows was one of them. There were several buildings he could see in the distance, which looked agricultural, and a hedge row. But nearly all the villages outside of London had hedge rows, he needed more detail. 

The living room where Eleanor spent most of her time sleeping had in addition to the big purple couch, two overstuffed chairs, both in shades of blue, and a big leather ottoman with a rug under it that was all the colors in the room combined. Bond had to admit while he personally tended to go more sterile in his furnishing that Q’s place was warm and comfortable and that if Q had decorated it himself he had good taste. Bond smirked realizing many of Q’s rooms had the same color choices that Q often wore in his suit trousers, blue with yellow pin stripes, and his cardigans, mustard with eggplant trim. Q’s living room also had two huge flat screen TV/monitors although Bond was yet to see Q actually use them. He continued to hope that Penelope would wander past Q’s DVD collection, but that had not yet happened. 

Then there was the bedroom where Q slept, a low heavy weight futon style mattresses stacked on the floor with a nest of blankets and pillows, Q’s clothes strewn around the room, most piled on a low slung chair and foot stool. His suitcases were open and spilling out everywhere. He hadn’t bothered to unpack into the closet or dresser. “Good” thought Bond, this seemed to still be at least a temporary domicile in Q’s mind. There was another flat screen on the wall across from the bed and several windows on the side wall where thankfully Penelope liked to sit and watch the birds. These windows faced the side of the house, and there were several small flower beds and a bird feeder which someone kept filled although Bond was yet to see Q do it. Bond took screen shots of the different kinds of birds hoping it might tell them something about whether Q had gone north, or perhaps south closer to the shore. But Bond wasn’t a bird expert and all he could do was send them on to Riley and Eve, who Bond had also recruited to help him figure out where Q might have gone. 

There was also a yoga mat laid out in one corner of the room that was mirrored on two walls and what looked like a ballet bar on the wall, which made no sense at all to Bond. Bond smiled, he would love to spot Q in some sort of yoga pose, but that seemed to be the only time he actively closed the door to keep the cats out. Bond guessed that trying to do downward dog with a cat in your face must have been challenging, because really Q didn’t stop the cats from going anywhere else and that was what was by far the most interesting thing about watching cat video feeds. They liked to be with Q, especially Penny and it was watching Q from afar that had grabbed Bond’s heart and very nearly broke it. Bond had learned a tremendous amount in the past forty eight hours and one of the things he learned was that he absolutely had to find Q and talk to him in person, because while Q might have left MI6 believing he and Bond shouldn’t be together, Q was certainly living with enough mementos about James that in private Q was clearly still emotionally invested. 

In private, it was the in private nature of this that made James feel guilty, because Q would be mortified to know Bond was watching him, and he would definitely be angry, even though Q helped Bond spy on other people all the time. It was Bond’s job to infiltrate and spy on people, to regularly steal things and occasionally to shoot someone, but spying on Q made James feel like he was looking in on something intensely personal, and given James was the other half of that personal equation this felt like the worst thing James could do in terms of respecting Q. But it didn’t stop him. Bond was committed to finding Q even before all that he saw and learned, now he was just committed a thousand fold more. 

Because Penelope was Q’s shadow nearly all the time, save her occasional reconnaissance missions to check the perimeter of all the rooms. And over 48 hours Bond watched as Penelope stayed in Q’s circle giving Bond a unique vantage point. While Eleanor spent most of her time napping on the couch, creating an identical cushion indent to the indent in Q’s green couch in London, Penelope preferred instead to nap on Q. 

Q’s routine amused Bond. It had been early in the afternoon when Riley had first tapped into the cat feeds and it was clear that Q was as busy working at home as he was when he was in Q branch. His fingers flying over his laptop keyboard as he fussed with code and schematics working in the spare room for the first afternoon. Except that Q’s dress code at home was very different then his dress code at work. Here he worked in running shorts, his knobby knees on clear display as Penelope regularly rubbed up against them, and a ratty old concert t-shirt, some band Bond didn’t know and was so faded he couldn’t read it clearly. Q must have gone running in the morning, his feet were now bare as he curled his toes into the rug beneath his chair while he worked, Penelope flopping herself down across them, Q clearly liking the feel of her fur across his toes. His trainers and socks were abandoned just behind him, which Eleanor took interest in on one of the rare occasions she wasn’t sleeping on the couch, dragging his sock out of the bedroom with her. Turned out Ellie was a thief, Bond smirked realizing he and Ellie had even more in common. Bond didn’t know Q was a runner, but knowing his lean lithe form intimately Bond wasn’t surprised. Q was strong and sinewy. Bond indulged himself in a few memories that brought that lithe form to mind. 

Penelope stretched and curled herself around Q’s feet and legs for about an hour and Bond had a view of Q’s ankles while Penelope napped. Bond sat for the longest time just letting himself admit that even this made him content, knowing that Q was there, even if Bond hadn’t yet figured out where there actually was yet. Eventually Q got fidgety and as his toes started to bounce Penelope protested stretching her front legs to grab the rug with her claws and pull herself forward. Q stood and disappeared from the room, Penelope quickly following him now to the kitchen where she jumped up on the table to rub against his elbow. Q reached out and snagged her, cradling her in his arm, her head facing back over his shoulder as he moved around the kitchen, apparently making a cup of tea. Bond watched as Penelope looked around, turning her head to brush her chin against Q’s ear and Bond got the loveliest view of Q’s neck at exactly the spot where he had left a bruise so many weeks ago now. Bond felt his groin tighten at the memory as he rubbed his hand over his own neck and collarbones, the marks so long ago now faded. 

Q carried his cup of tea and Penelope back to the work room then Penelope lept from his arms intent to make a perimeter check before eventually coming back and settling in again, this time jumping into Q’s lap insisting on space to nap on his legs. Q pulled up one leg, tucking his ankle under his thigh as he made a v shaped space for the cat, who now curled herself up, her chin perched on his leg as she wrapped her tail around her body. His view obscured, Bond snickered and smiled realizing he was technically looking at the inside of Q’s thigh if only Penelope’s camera had better light. He checked Eleanor and she hadn’t moved in two hours and thinking he probably had a little time before anything new would happen Bond climbed from his couch and went in search of food from his own kitchen grabbing his phone to check in with Riley and Eve. 

Bond continued to watch through the afternoon and early evening, a book in his lap where he entertained himself with British military history while things went quiet. He wished he had someway to communicate and give direction to his little furry four legged spies. He wanted Penelope to perch herself where Bond could see what Q was working on, on his computer, and he desperately wished there were microphones because whenever Penelope looked up at Q he could see that Q was speaking to her and Bond would have done just about anything to hear what he was saying, just to hear his voice, the velvety dulcet tones that set a spark in Bond’s blood. 

As the evening grew later Q finally moved away from the work room, eating almost nothing for dinner before he headed for his bedroom both cats now following him. But it wasn’t with the intention to go to bed, Q was instead headed for the shower. Bond suddenly felt the intense need to tell Riley to stop the feed at MI6, because Bond realized the cats were about to give him a view he didn’t want anyone else to see. Q pulled his t-shirt off over his head, the shirt emblazoned with yet another rockband Bond had never heard of and dropped it as he walked, Eleanor stopping to sit on it. Then his shorts and his pants followed, Penelope still following and as he stopped, reaching in to turn on the shower water, Bond smiled at the perfect view Penelope offered him of Q’s perfect back side. Bond felt himself flush. Thus he was surprisingly grateful when Penelope jumped onto the vanity as Q turned on the sink to quickly brush his teeth before climbing in the shower and Penelope turned her attention to the running water, leaning in to drink it from the faucet. 

Bond sat back on his couch and just watched as Penelope stayed close. He watched as the young man he desperately wanted to be with right now, the body he wanted to touch, the skin he wanted to taste stepped out of the shower, a towel quickly sliding over limbs before being wrapped around hips as Q headed back to the bedroom. And then Bond just about dropped his chicken curry in his lap. Q had just pulled on pyjama bottoms, and not just any pyjama bottoms. They were Bond’s pyjama bottoms. The pyjama bottoms, Bond thought he had misplaced so many weeks ago. “Jesus Q, just kill me now,” Bond said out loud and then Q very nearly did. 

Because Q climbed into bed wearing nothing else, both Eleanor and Penelope climbing into the nest of pillows and blankets with him as Q flipped on the flat screen monitor on the wall casting a blue glow that meant the cat’s cameras still picked up enough light to see what Q was doing. From Eleanor’s camera as she sat perched on the end of the bed waiting for Q to settle, Bond could see Q sit himself up, pillows behind him as he accessed the screen remotely with his laptop, and from Penelope’s camera, as she sat near Q’s shoulder, queenly on the pillow beside him Bond could see what Q had pulled up on screen. They were files about Bond, pictures from the cat files, images from MI6, video clips of Bond with Ellie, and in the corner Bond’s tracking data. Bond could see the red ping and he knew that if Q tapped into a CCTV camera right now, he’d see Bond watching Q watching Bond. Thankfully that didn’t seem to be Q’s intention, although Bond was ready to make his screen go dark in an instant if it looked like Q was pulling anything live up. And then he watched as Q flipped through files, pausing on pictures, reaching out to scratch Eleanor now that she had climbed further up the bed to settle in next to his hip. 

Bond grabbed his phone, wanting to text Q, to tell him that he knew how Q felt and that he felt that way too. But Bond had already texted Q numerous times since his departure and Q never answered and he knew if Q got a text from Bond now it would seem like odd timing at best and Q would be onto him immediately at worst, so Bond stayed quiet. As a result it was nearly torture as Bond watched Q flip through memories, Penelope curious about the rapidly changing colors on the screen keeping her attention where Bond could see. It wasn’t until Eleanor shifted and Bond could see from her perspective but only in the very peripheral edge that Q had slid his hand into his pyjama bottoms and Bond shut his eyes feeling his heart pang realizing what Q was doing to images and memories of Bond. And then Bond couldn’t help himself, it was at least something that Bond could do with him even if Q couldn’t know about it. But Bond stopped when he realized Q had finished and then Penelope’s camera shifted, Q had turned off the screen on the wall, just the light from the computer screen beside the bed casting a glow as Q slid down on the mattress, turning onto his side, pillows tucked all around him, pulling up the covers as the cats competed for new positions next to the body that now shifted. Finally settled Penelope stretched along the line of his back, Eleanor now shifted higher to settle on the empty pillow beside him. Q’s hand came up to stroke her fur, scratch her ears, and as Eleanor leaned in to sniff at Q Bond felt his own chest heave with emotion as he saw Q sniff hard, and with the back of his hands wipe at his eyes, slicking tears into the temples of his still drying wispy hair, before he reached over and shut off his laptop, the blue glow disappearing and no more light for the cat collars, everyone was suddenly in darkness. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: I miss him. 

~~~


	9. Traitorous girlfriend

Chapter 9: Traitorous girlfriend

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Quartermaster files closed and password secured. 

~~~

James slept on his couch the flat screen still showing video feed and when he woke he was startled to realize it was light outside and that Q was no where to be found. Eleanor was back on her purple couch cushion and Penelope was doing her perimeter patrol. Several times in the night James had awoken to see from the moonlight that now flooded Q’s bedroom that Q slept with his hand on Eleanor and Eleanor’s camera gave James a silvery view of Q’s face as he slept. James had a memory very much like this, but Q had been in James’ bed and it had been a very satisfied and weary sleep indeed after they had thoroughly worn each other out, but Q had worn the same peaceful look, his face losing all the stress and tightness James would sometimes see when Q was worried, which it appeared when it came to James was most of the time. 

James quickly scrolled back through the video feeds to see when Q had woken and where he might currently be. Running apparently, based on the video feed from an hour ago that showed Q walking through the house, music earbuds in his ears, his trainers in his hand, James snickered when he realized he was probably searching for his missing sock. “Ellie put it under a cushion in the living room.” James said aloud to the screen. 

James spent the next hour scrolling rapidly through morning footage while Q was away hoping he would find more clues. Penelope was definitely his best hope as she was up and down and in and out of everything. At one point the camera went black and James worried he’d lost the feed to suddenly discover her camera coming back on line as her head flung in every direction, a shoe suddenly dislodged which had been stuck on her head momentarily. James also discovered Penelope’s secret hiding places, the view under the couch filled with paperclips, bread bag ties and pencils, amused he watched her gray paw swing under the couch in front of the camera trying to get back the very pencil she had just shoved underneath. She was as big a thief as Eleanor. But his favorite was the tour he got of Q’s sock drawer. Having left it open when he couldn’t find his other running sock Penelope made herself comfortable burrowing deep into the pile of multicolored mayhem. Stripes, polka dots, reindeer, argyle there was every variation, which made James wonder why he had a drawer of socks when the rest of his clothes seemed to still be in his suitcase. Eventually Penelope moved on from her sock nest and went back to patrolling. James took screen shots of every outside view as she passed windows. Shots of counter tops where he could see paper work hoping he could enlarge it to find an address. But nothing conclusive, and talking with both Riley and Eve they all agreed that while this was one way to try to find him that both Riley and Eve should use any other resources they had to track him down. Mallory and Tanner were barely tolerating Q’s unexpected departure and Eve knew every day he was gone he’d have more to answer to when and if he eventually came back. And poor Riley was working nearly twenty four hour days trying to keep the other 00’s in order while also helping Bond. It wouldn’t be long before M would make a more radical decision. Eve just hoped that Q was actually getting the texts she was sending him, even though he wasn’t replying, as she suspected M was only a few days away from forcing his hand. 

James felt like his hands had been tied and as the day grew on with no Q returning to the house and James started to get desperate, fear that Q may have left. But he knew that couldn’t be true, Q wouldn’t leave Eleanor and Penelope behind. He called Eve trying to consider other possibilities, “Eve, you have clearance for Q’s full file don’t you?”

“I do, yes.”

“I’m not asking you to tell me anything you can’t because of security clearance, but if you haven’t looked there yet, I want you to look to see if maybe there isn’t a family home or address. This place where Q is holed up looks like he’s owned it for a good long while, he must have shared the address somewhere in his background check.”

“I’ve already looked once James, but I’ll look again.” 

“Thanks Eve.” 

James was starting to feel seriously restless and Q wasn’t making this any easier. Whatever he’d been doing this morning he hadn’t come back to the house until mid afternoon and then he’d essentially repeated everything from the day before. Watching Q move around his house with Penelope as a parrot on his shoulder gave James a view that Q was clearly not eating enough, and that he was constantly rubbing his tired eyes over and over before sitting back down to work yet again, but on what James couldn’t make out. It made James edgy that he couldn’t figure out where Q was and that he couldn’t break this cycle that was clearly wearing Q down. Another night as Q flipped through pictures and files of James and James was yelling at the television screen, “Damn it Q, where the bloody hell are you? You don’t have to do this by yourself!” 

When the pieces finally came together the following day James literally jumped off his couch. In the end it had been Eleanor who came to his rescue. He was going to seriously give that cat a kiss when he finally got to Q. It was Ellie’s thieving tendencies that gave James what he needed. Q had come in with mail dropping it on the kitchen table and Eleanor had stolen an envelope. James got an address. 

He texted Riley and Eve, “Found him, I’m going up now to get him. R, do me a favor turn off the cat feeds when I get there, I don’t want a record of what I imagine could be a difficult conversation.” 

Eve replied, “And just how many days before we need to come to retrieve you both?” 

James smirked, “Give me at least three before you send in back up. If he doesn’t throw me out immediately I’m hoping we might spend a little time fixing whatever this is that got so broken so quickly.” 

“Good luck sir,” R replied. 

~~~

Bond drove the Aston as quickly as he could, determined to get to Q before night fall, debating all the way about the best way to handle the inevitable confrontation that he knew would happen between them. Ultimately he decided he’d use his skills to read the situation in the moment, just like he always did when he was going into hostile territory and there was no denying that James expected Q to be hostile when he discovered James had tracked him down. Bond had not however expected to get to the address and have Q NOT be there. He pulled up the cat’s collar feeds. They were both still in the house, but Q was clearly not. So James did what he always did. He broke in and waited. 

Forty five minutes later, Q returned home, and walked into his living room to discover Bond sitting on his couch with Eleanor draped across his lap. “James?” Q said, his voice astonished. 

“Q” James answered with a lilt in his voice as if to say, “of course it’s me you idiot, who else would it be.” Then James reacted taking advantage of Q’s momentary emotional stupor. He stood, lifting Eleanor from his lap, and turned to set her down before striding to meet Q in the center of the room. His hands reached for Q’s shoulders, pulling him close, before one hand slid to the nape of Q’s neck bringing Q’s lips to his own, not even hesitating to press a warm steady kiss to Q’s mouth, not retreating as he felt Q go stiff against him, waiting until Q either pushed away or gave in going soft in his arms. And for the briefest moment Q did, he relaxed, sliding his hands around James’ waist, giving in to the desire he couldn’t deny, his mouth parting to give way to James’ tongue, but it didn’t last, Q’s synapses were too quick and he went stiff again almost immediately, pushing hard against him. 

“NO, no no… What the bloody hell are you doing here?” Q was shaking his head, his hands up to block Bond as he walked backward, James matching each step. 

“I’m here because you disappeared and I know it’s because you blamed yourself for what happened to me in Croatia.”

“Of course I blame myself, I should have…” Q was shaking his head, his hands still blocking James’ efforts to get close.

“No, No, NO!” James wouldn’t let him continue. “NO!!!” He said it loudly to make Q stop. 

“YES!” Q yelled back and shoved hard at Bond’s shoulders as the blond tried to press himself closer to Q, making Bond grimace, his still healing dislocated shoulder tender and the stitches in his bicep pulled tight. “How the hell did you find me?”

James hesitated. He had thought about this. He knew he couldn’t lie to Q. He’d ruin any chance they had if he lied. When he had spotted the envelope address he ran it by Eve asking her to confirm if it was in his file. It was not. Q had never told anyone about this place. 

“HOW?!?” Q snapped, his anger now welling up as he got his senses back. 

James sighed deeply, ran his hand up over the back of his skull, scruffing his hair as he looked up at Q from a lowered wrinkled brow. “Your cats.”

“What?” Q asked, stymied at Bond’s answer. “What do you mean my cats?”

“The cats. The cameras in their collars.” James said and let Q figure it out. 

It took him less than thirty seconds. “BLOODY HELL! You had my cat’s cameras hacked. Hacked by whom? Who hacked this for you, because I know you can’t do it. Was it Riley? I’m going to fire her. Oh my god, I had my own tech used against me and I didn’t know it.” Q reached up pulling at his own hair and spinning around in frustration. “Christ, I deserve for M to fire me.” Q stormed towards the couch and reached out to pull Eleanor’s collar off her neck, looking next for Penelope, but she darted away from him towards the bedroom sensing his anger. “God damn it!” Q fumed. “Damn it.” He was angry and humiliated, tears now fighting to spill from his eyes.

“Q” James said calmly, quietly. 

“No, no no.” Q was running his hands through his hair again, pulling at the long locks in anger. “NO!” He wheeled to face Bond. “Go! Get out! I don’t want you here.” 

James just stood there facing him. “I’m not going.” 

“This is my house. Go!” Q was pointing at the door. 

“No.” James said calmly. He was pretty sure Q wasn’t physically capable of making him go and he wasn’t going to leave until they talked, and that meant without screaming at one another. 

“NO?” Q laughed. “No? You won’t leave my fucking house?” The second sentence came out in an angry spit. 

“No,” James said quietly, the most earnest expression on his face trying to stay calm as Q verbally railed. 

Q stopped and looked at the man who stood across from him. He took a very big deep breath and let it out slowly trying to get control of his racing heart, then he darted to the right out of Bond’s reach, “fine, then I’ll leave.” 

Bond’s eyes went wide as Q tried to make an escape, caught by total surprise. He turned and lunged for the wiry man who now was double stepping towards the door as he reached for his keys on the table. But Bond was an expert on catching people and Q wasn’t quite quick enough to evade the man, finding himself suddenly on his back, Bond straddling his hips, his arms pressed to the floor. “God damn it Q, don’t make me tie you up to keep you here. I’m still healing and I can’t be wrestling with you like this.” Bond grimaced through the pain of trying to hold Q down while his own injuries spiked everywhere, especially his sore ribs. 

Q just glared at him. 

“I mean it Q,” James huffed in exasperation. 

Q just continued to glare at him. 

James glared back. 

Then Eleanor slowly wandered over to see what was going on and sniffed Q’s nose before looking up at Bond. Bond was desperately trying to ignore the cat and keep a hold of the wiry man he could feel vibrating below him. Then Eleanor stepped over Q’s shoulder, climbed onto Q’s chest and sat down on his sternum so she could be closer to her boyfriend James. 

“Eleanor!” Q barked, “Get the bloody hell off me!” 

Bond couldn’t help but laugh as Ellie now stood up on her back legs and put her paws on Bond’s shoulders as he leaned over Q, rubbing her fluffy gray striped face against Bond’s face, her tail brushing Q’s nose. 

“Christ, this is humiliating!” Q tried to twist out of Bond’s grip. “Eleanor you fucking traitor!” 

The cat jumped away as Q squirmed making James lean in further putting his weight onto his hands to hold Q’s wrists firm. “Q, you will STOP, and you will listen to me. I swear I really will tie you to a chair!” 

Q raised his eyebrows in challenge, “I bloody well dare you to try!” 

“Fine!” Bond pulled one of Q’s arms over so he could get both wrists in one hand, and then he heaved himself up making Q come with him, surprising the young man who suddenly found himself nearly airborne. Bond tightened his mouth to not cry out at the pull on his damaged ribs, using brute muscle strength to force them both to a stand. Q stumbled behind Bond who wouldn’t let him go as he headed for Q’s office in the second bedroom. Bond quickly reached for some flexible computer cable then turned to haul Q back to the living room.

“What the hell? How the bloody hell did you know where to find…” then Q stopped talking. He knew how Bond knew. “How long did you watch me in this house before you figured out where I was?”

“Two days.” James answered in a clipped tone hiding his own pain, “I saw whatever the cats saw.” Then he turned and used his own hips to push Q down into the blue wingbacked chair, quickly wrapping computer cabling around his narrow chest and the back of the chair, and then across his lap and under the chair. Q’s armed were trapped at his side and he couldn’t move. “Ellie stole a piece of mail and I saw the address when she dropped it.” 

Q didn’t respond. 

Bond came and sat on the edge of the coffee table, just in front of Q and looked at the young man intently. Q just looked at him, his face expressionless, before saying, “you look like hell.” This was really the first time Q had gotten a good look at Bond and the yellowing bruises under his eyes and his still swollen nose made him look like he’d been in a boxing ring.

“So do you,” James answered. “I know you haven’t been eating, and from the look of the circles under your eyes you aren’t sleeping much.” 

Q didn’t respond. 

“Are you going to talk to me?” Bond asked. 

Q didn’t respond.

“What? Nothing more to say?”

Q didn’t respond. 

“Fine, I’ll talk then, I have no problem filling the space. You can just listen. It’s probably better that way anyway. I’m not in the mood for your snark. You’ve pulled the stitches in my arm and my leg and hurt my ribs again, I have a good thought to leave you here and go find some fucking pain killers, or maybe a bottle of vodka.”

That almost baited a response from Q but he just took a breath and shut his eyes momentarily before turning his face away from Bond in resignation, totally humiliated. His mind had been quickly retracing all he’d done in the past two days and trying to remember if the cats had been around, and now to be tied to his own fucking chair, he was beyond angry. 

Bond reached out to grab Q’s chin and turn his face to look at him. “I did not get caught in Croatia because of you, because of what you did or because of what you didn’t do. It was just bad luck Q and you are not to blame. You are the best quartermaster I have ever had, and I have been safer and more efficient, and honestly sometimes a little bored, because you are so incredibly good at your job.”

Q looked at him briefly then turned his face hard, wrenching his chin loose looking away again. 

“I need you Q.” James paused, his voice growing more quiet. “I need you as my quartermaster, but more importantly I need you in my life.” James waited and got no reply. “I want you in my life Q, you can’t just disappear.” 

Q didn’t respond. He wanted James in his life too, but not at the price he’d have to pay. He was trying to hold on to his anger. “Bond untie me.” Q said calmly.

“Are you going to try to leave again?” Bond asked.

Q just looked at him. 

“Then no,” Bond answered him. 

“I’m your superior Bond, I’m your quartermaster. I’m ordering you to untie me.” Q tried to sound authoritative, but he knew he was at a distinct disadvantage in this circumstance.

“Actually, you are on indefinite leave, if I remember what Moneypenny told me correctly, which means R is actually my acting quartermaster.” Bond smirked.

Q glared at him. “Then I’ll bloody well press charges. This is kidnapping!”

“You’ll admit to MI6 that I tied you to your own chair? I don’t think so Q.” Bond’s smirk only increased and he had the audacity to add a wink. 

Q glared at him again. “I really really hate you right now!” Penelope jumped up onto his lap and settled in for a nap, tail curled around her little gray body. Q glared at her too and couldn’t even get her to move.

Bond laughed out loud, “You’ve said that to me before.” Then when Q’s expression didn’t change Bond’s voice grew plaintive, “I’m just asking you to give us a chance Q, that’s all.” 

Q didn’t respond, because honestly he couldn’t. 

Bond stood up in frustration. “God damn it Q, what do you need to hear from me? That I’ll never get hurt again?” 

Q looked at him, “You can’t promise that.” 

Bond turned to look at him, the first reasonable words Q had actually offered. He sat down again across from Q, “No, I can’t promise that.” 

Q dropped his chin and looked at his lap. “I can’t stop hearing what they did to you.”

Bond frowned and reached out to put his hands on Q’s knees. “I’m sorry.”

“For what? You can’t apologize for what they did.” Q said calmly meeting James’ eyes.

Bond just sighed. “I know, but Q,.. I’m okay.” 

“You don’t look okay.” Q frowned. 

“I’ve had much worse.” Bond tried to smile and offer some consolation.

“That doesn’t make me feel better. I thought I was listening to you die, I can’t go through that again.” Q’s voice wavered and against all his efforts the emotion finally got the best of him and a tear slid down his face. He couldn’t wipe it away since Bond had him tied to the fucking chair. 

“Q, I’m so sorry.” James reached out to wipe it from his cheek and Q turned his face away not wanting James to touch him. 

“Please just untie me.” Q asked again.

Bond nodded and pulled out a pocket knife. 

“No, don’t cut all my cable! Untie it.” Q protested. 

Bond snickered with a half smile, “fine.” And stood to move behind Q to untie the cable around the back, releasing Q’s arms. Q quickly untied the cable tied above his legs and stood putting distance between the two of them. “Don’t leave,” James said as he watched Q move across the room. 

Q stopped and turned to look at him, holding his gaze for a long moment before answering slowly. “I’m not.” 

“Q…” James suddenly looked tired and beaten. 

“I have percoset, I’m going to get you one for the pain.” 

“I’d rather have vodka,” James laughed.

“I don’t think you getting drunk is going to help either of us right now.” 

In the end Bond opted for nothing, not trusting his mental capacity when drugged, refusing the pills when Q returned, Penelope tucked under one arm, her collar now gone. Q had taken it off. There would be no more hacked cat feeds to watch. 

Q looked weary and he was clearly nervous. “I don’t want to talk anymore tonight 007. It’s late.”

James sighed, not a good sign if Q was calling him by his title, but he nodded in understanding.

“Since you’ve seen every part of my home, you know there is a guest room. You can sleep there tonight if you want.” 

Bond nodded, “Thanks Q.” 

“We’ll talk tomorrow.” Q said before turning to go, taking Penelope with him. He looked at the other cat. “Eleanor, you can sleep with 007. Traitor.” Eleanor just slow blinked at Q and then trotted over to her boyfriend James. 

James actually gave him a quirky half smile, which Q couldn’t help but return. “Goodnight Q” 

“Goodnight James.”   
~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: He found me. I honestly don’t know what I should feel. Anger? (Yep) Betrayal? (a little, mostly by Eve and Riley) Surprised? (not really, this is Bond after all) Embarrassed? (absolutely. He tied me to my own fucking chair.) Impressed? (have to admit yes- but I’ll never tell him that. He doesn’t need me to feed his ego.) Excited? (… maybe) Frustrated? (Definitely) Skeptical? (Of course) Happy? (I don’t know yet.)

~~~


	10. Flaming cats

Chapter 10: Flaming cats 

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Quartermaster files closed and password secured. 

~~~

James understood that Q didn’t want to talk anymore, but that didn’t mean that either of them actually got any sleep. James may have closed his eyes, but he had an ear always on alert. He did actually bring Ellie into the bedroom with him, as insurance that Q wasn’t likely to leave her behind if he decided to disappear in the night. And when he first came out to the kitchen in the morning he thought that was exactly what Q had done, because he was no where to be found. Then he saw the note on the counter, “007, I’ve gone running. There isn’t much food, good luck finding something to eat. Be back later, Q” 

“Running,” Bond grumbled. This was clearly a regular routine up here. He pulled out his phone to text Eve. “Update. I’m here, Q is here, both safe. I’m going to need some time, we have a long way to go.” 

Eve replied quickly, “He’s already told me you were there. Broke his silence and texted me last night. Threatened to wipe out my retirement account for the role that I played in helping you. Glad to know you found him and he didn’t shoot you.”

Bond snickered, “Q with a gun? Ha.” 

“Don’t under estimate him.” Eve replied, making James wonder what else he didn’t know about his quartermaster. 

James spent the morning poking through Q’s house getting a chance to explore with his own eyes and not through the eyes of Penelope and Eleanor. He was in Q’s office looking at a scrap of paper with six names that seemed familiar, each one crossed off in heavy pen when Q surprised him in the doorway. 

“Bond?” Q asked, “are you snooping?” 

James turned in surprise and dropped the list back on the table and then widened his eyes at the view in front of him. Q was wearing running shorts and a singlet, his long lean legs, broad shoulders and arms bare. Q ran his hands through his damp sweaty hair, before leaning over to untie his trainers and toe them off, hopping one foot to another as he took off his socks. He was possibly more attractive than ever and James snapped his mouth shut realizing he probably looked a fool, then shook his head and answered, “of course I was snooping. I’m a spy.” Then he picked up the piece of paper with the names and waved it at Q, “What’s this? These names seem familiar.”

“They should,” Q answered before turning to head back into the hall. “They are the six men from Croatia who beat and tortured you.”

Bond quickly followed Q into the hall, “What? How did you…? Why are their names crossed out?” Bond realized that was the more important question and adjusted his question mid sentence. 

“Because they are now dead.” Q answered in a flat response. “I’m taking a shower.” And with that he disappeared into his bedroom and shut the door behind him leaving James standing gobsmacked in the hallway. 

James heard the water start in the shower, and knew thanks to Penelope’s earlier cat cam what he’d likely find if he opened the door and he was willing to bet that Q hadn’t locked it. But given the news that Q had apparently assassinated all the Croatian thugs Bond decided he best wait to get his questions answered, memories of Q’s first comments to him a long time ago ringing in his ears. “I'll hazard I can do more damage on my laptop sitting in my pyjamas before my first cup of Earl Grey than you can do in a year in the field.” Bond was afraid Q may have just proved that correct and now he knew what Q had been likely working on as Penelope slept on his feet.

James was sitting in the living room, Ellie curled in his lap when Q finally emerged, towel drying his hair, a clean pair of trousers and an old Fleet Foxes t-shirt the only things he wore. “How did you kill them?”

“Is that really what you want to know? Not why?” Q asked. 

“I know why,” James answered, “you killed them because they hurt me.” 

Q stood quietly looking at Bond before he bit down on his back teeth flexing his jaw and answering. “I created false e-mails that exposed them to outside rival gangs in Croatia, claiming that the men who had you were robbing and undermining the rival thugs. Then I destroyed their financial records and cleaned out their accounts so they couldn’t escape and had nowhere to hide. It took less than 36 hours to have them all assassinated by the rival gang.” Q said without changing his facial expression, before sitting down in the blue chair across from Bond. 

“Jesus, you really are deadly.” Bond shook his head. “And no one at MI6 knows about this?”

“It wasn’t part of a mission. It was personal. They don’t need to know.” 

James gave Q a small half smile, one eyebrow going up in approval. “Thank you Q.”

“You’re welcome 007,” Q nodded. 

“And remind me to never piss you off.” 

“Too late for that I’m afraid.” Q quipped before standing and heading for the kitchen to find some sustenance. 

“What?” James jumped up to follow dislodging the cat. “Q, if this is about hacking the cat collars.”

“Don’t worry Bond, I don’t have plans to have you killed. I know you did it because I didn’t communicate and didn’t say goodbye.” 

“Goodbye? Q that isn’t something I’m going to let you say.” James was determined to break through this aloofness that Q had adopted. 

Q ignored him, making tea and looking in cupboards for biscuits. “Then I won’t say it,” he said off handedly in reply.

James reached into the cupboard where he had seen biscuits earlier and shut the other cupboard door in front of Q, leaning in to hand him the tin. “And not saying it, means not doing it either.” 

Q looked over his shoulder darting his eyes briefly at James, responding physically to the close proximity that James had just imposed, before turning his head away. James leaned in even closer, brushing his nose over the juncture of Q’s neck and shoulder, still damp from his shower and still smelling a bit like citrusy soap. James was struggling to keep his affection for Q in check, having to admit that the idea that Q had killed for him was a significant turn on. He drifted his nose up along Q’s neck to nuzzle just below his ear in exactly the spot where James had marked Q after their gloriously lustful morning shared in James’ bed. He ghosted his lips over the spot, so tempted to graze Q’s skin with his teeth.

“James, I can’t…” Q leaned his forehead against the cupboard door in front of him, his hands braced on the countertop as he tried to stiffen his back, holding James at bay as the bigger man pressed closer to his body. James’ hands now bracketing Q’s, his thumbs brushing over the outside of Q’s hands softly. “Please,” Q whispered in frustration. 

James knew Q’s “please” was a request to back off, not a request to continue and he stepped back taking a breath himself to get hold of his own emotions. “Sorry,” James offered. 

Q took advantage of the open space between them to slide sideways, not looking at James and then disappearing from the kitchen leaving James standing there on his own. Now James was the one leaning with his forehead against the cupboard door. 

Q’s hands were shaking as he sat down at the dining room table having to set his mug down as the tea splashed too much when he tried to lift it to his mouth. He told himself it was low blood sugar and too few calories from having run this morning but he knew what it really was. Since the moment he spotted Bond in his living room Q felt like a live wire. The fact that James had actually managed to find him when Q had thought this place was completely off the radar was one thing, it was the fact that James had even tried in the first place that had Q vibrating. He never expected James to actually be this invested, no one was really ever this invested in Q and he had built lots of high walls to protect himself from the loneliness he often felt but never let anyone see, and now Bond was making them crumble. 

It took a few minutes, but Q knew eventually James would come to find him and all of this emotional negotiation would have to continue. He raised his head only briefly to acknowledge Bond as he came through the kitchen door. 

James came to stand on the opposite side of the table, his hands gripping the back of the dining room chair before he pulled it out and sat down quickly across from Q. No more dancing, James bluntly asked, “Q why would you kill the people who hurt me if you don’t want to be with me?”

Q looked up at him in surprise, “what makes you think I don’t want to be with you?”

James actually laughed out loud, “the fact that you disappeared from MI6, tried to leave last night when I arrived, are doing everything you can to keep your distance from me.” James waited for a reply and when none came he added, “you won’t even make eye contact with me.” 

Q looked up at that comment and let James catch his eyes directly. He hadn’t worn his tech glasses since he left MI6, not needing them, and his green eyes glittered as he took a breath, starting to speak before thinking about it twice, and then taking another breath. Finally he answered him, “I do want…” he paused, “I want to be with you James, I really do, I just can’t.”

“Why not?” James refused to lose eye contact, he sat still, his face calm as he questioned him. 

“Because it hurts too much.” Q shook his head and looked away.

“So apparently one of us is going to hurt no matter what.” 

Q looked at him confused. 

“You’ll be hurt if you are with me, I’ll be hurt if you are not. And since you seem to prioritize not letting anyone hurt me, at risk of personal injury or death to those who try, it seems if I’m being selfish,” Bond let a small grin start to creep onto his face as he kept going, “and we both know that I’m ALWAYS selfish, that if your goal is to not let anyone hurt me, then you’ll need to give in and agree to be with me, or I’ll have to fear for your safety. I’d hate for you to have to kill yourself.” 

Q sat there blinking like an owl. 

James just sat there, leaning back against Q’s dining room chair, a smug smile on his face. 

Q scowled and shook his head before turning back to face Bond, his chin jutting out defiantly. “Bloody hell, that’s the most fucked up thing I’ve ever heard.” 

James laughed, “but you can’t deny it’s reasonable logic.” 

Q just shook his head, “no no no.”

“Seriously Q,” he continued. “Unless you actually do plan to quit MI6, then you’re going to have to come back as Quartermaster sooner than later. And unless you plan to dump me on R all the time, which you know how well that works out, then you’re really going to tell me you can just shut off the emotions and pretend we don’t have a thing,” Bond waved his hand back and forth gesturing between them the way Q had done weeks ago in his office. 

“And just what would you have me do?” Q glared up at him, his green eyes narrowing in frustration. 

“Trust me.” James said as he leaned forward to take Q’s hands in his. 

“You’re a spy and an assassin. It’s in your nature to lie to get what you want 007, I’m not sure it’s reasonable to expect me to trust you,” Q pulled his hands back and folded them into his lap looking down at the table.

He could hear Bond sigh and looked up to see him rubbing both of his big hands up and down over his scruffy unshaved face, then gently pinch the still bruised bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger in frustration. “Well I trust YOU. If I didn’t I couldn’t do my job.” James looked up to see Q studying him. “And while you may be right, I’ve been trained to get information from people…”

“By charming them, and seducing them, until they don’t even realize they are giving up things they shouldn’t.” Q blurted out. 

“Is that what you think I’m doing to you?” James asked sitting up in surprise.

Q just looked back down at his lap. 

Bond leaned back in his chair, wincing as he stretched, setting his hands on his ribs. “Maybe I am,” he acknowledged, “maybe I can’t separate the training from my own personality anymore.” Q looked up from under his fringe, his bottom lip shifting back and forth as he contemplated his own thoughts. Then James sat forward, arms reaching out on the table as he dropped his head to his forearms. “But this isn’t a game this time Q. This isn’t a mission for MI6. You aren’t a mark.” 

Q sighed, “I never should have let Moneypenny convince me that I could have a bedpost.” 

James frowned not understanding Q’s comment. “What bedpost?”

Q snickered, “it means I never should have slept with you.” 

“Well I obviously disagree with that assessment. And I plan to change your mind.” 

“Unlikely 007,” Q frowned. “But now that you’ve found me, I suspect M will want me back in the office.”

“M doesn’t know I’ve found you. I’m on leave as well, and R and Eve haven’t told anyone. I asked Eve to give me some time.”

“Time for what?” Q asked incredulously.

“Time for you and I to work things out.” Bond answered coolly, leveling a pale blue stare at Q. 

“Again I say unlikely 007,” Q answered calmly, stuffing his emotions down deep and adopting the aloof countenance he had perfected. “Now if you’ll excuse me I do have a few things to finish up.” 

“More Croatians to kill?” Bond baited him.

“No,” Q answered, “I’m pretty sure I got them all. Feel free to peruse my DVD collection if you are bored and looking for something to do. Or feel free to head back to London whenever you are ready.” And with that Q stood and excused himself from the dining room leaving James to stare after him as he walked away. 

Q managed to get the door closed to his home office before he reacted to all that James had just said. He didn’t want James to hear him, so he quickly hit play on the first iTunes playlist his finger hit, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds now blasting in his room, audible in the living room. His hands were shaking and his eyes welled up with tears as he sat down in his desk chair, then quickly stood, walking to the spare bed in the corner of the room to lay down, turning his face into the pillow in an effort to stop the tears before his nose started to run all over everything. He hated that when he cried he got snotty, it was always a mess. But he was determined not to give into these feelings. He just couldn’t let James see the impact. Ten minutes of wallowing in his grief and frustration and then he pulled himself together and went to his computer, but it didn’t take him long to realize that he couldn’t concentrate on anything. So he hit shuffle on his music playlists, a loud rotation of Radiohead and David Bowie keeping him company as he played online solitaire and then words with friends and finally joined an online World of Warcraft and shot people for a few hours to make himself feel better. At one point he realized that his job at MI6 and spending so much time with assassins had probably warped his sense of what should make him feel better, but then he grabbed a virtual flame thrower and took out a group of bad guys and thought “fuck it” this is fun. He’d just stay in here and avoid the man who he was pretty sure was camped out in his living room. 

Bond had debated about following Q but knew it wouldn’t help if he did, especially when he heard the loud bombastic music suddenly coming from Q’s work room. That was a clear “don’t fucking bother me” if he had ever heard one. Instead he came up with a plan, and mentally made a list of all the things he thought he could do to woo his quartermaster, and it started with a trip to the grocery to get more than tea and biscuits or they were both going to starve. Thus when Q finally emerged from his self imposed exile in his office he was hit with the delicious smell of something very garlicky. 

“Bond?” Q asked tentatively as he stepped into the doorway of the kitchen.

“Oh good, are you done? I was going to knock soon. Dinner is just about ready. Pour the wine would you?” James was determined to act like this was completely normal. 

“Where did you find wine?” Q stood with his hands on his slim hips taking in the chaos that had engulfed his kitchen. “I didn’t even know I had all of these pots and pans.”

“You didn’t. I went shopping.” James was knifing butter onto French bread as he spoke.

“Shopping?”

“Yes shopping. If we are going to be holed up here for a while I decided we needed better food.”

Q furrowed his brow but he didn’t say anything else to Bond’s comment, he just pulled out the bottle opener and opened the rather expensive looking bottle of red wine James had left on the counter. He poured two glasses and quickly drank most of one. 

“You should let that breathe…” James started to say as he watched Q rapidly drink a glass of $100 wine. “…never mind.” He’d have to slow him down, his goal was not to get Q drunk tonight, last time that happened hadn’t ended quite like James had hoped. 

“Right,” Q said, finishing the last sip before pouring another glass. “What are we having for dinner?” 

“Cesar salad, lasagna and garlic bread.”

“Anchovies in the salad dressing?” Q asked and James nodded affirmatively with a smile. “Salty fish, and lots of garlic, you don’t have high hopes for taking me to bed tonight do you?” Q laughed and took another big sip of wine, turning away from James with a blush as he realized he said that out loud. 

James snorted in surprised laughter truly not expecting Q to make any sort of comment on their lack of relationship status, “No, I didn’t expect I’d get very far with that, so I added extra garlic to the lasagna.” He’d take teasing and humor over aloof any day. 

“And for dessert?” Q asked. “I’m not sure I know of any garlicky options.”

“Crème brulee.” Bond offered. 

“Is that why I smell propane and burnt sugar? I thought maybe you were trying to burn the house down.” Q had stepped further into the kitchen, his nose now raised. 

James smirked, “I had a challenge getting the torch lit to caramelize the sugar.”

“Do I also smell burnt hair?” Q wrinkled his nose.

Bond flattened his mouth and raised his hands in apology, “Eleanor may have singed her tail a bit.”

“What?!? How did that happen? Bloody hell James, did you let her PLAY with the torch?” Q was horrified, his head twisting around looking for her and then bending down to look under the breakfast nook. 

“Well, I may have been the one to do the singeing. She got too close.” James saw the look of panic on Q’s face and added quickly, “But she’s okay, no burn, just the tip of her tail lit on fire.”

“JAMES!” Q headed for the living room to look for his toasted cat. 

“Really, she’s fine!” James followed him into the living room.

“You lit my cat on FIRE?” Q spotted her on the purple couch and rushed to investigate. The tip of her tail was a bit crunchy but it didn’t appear that the flame had done more than singe her hair. 

“I told you she was fine.” James said again. “Now come help me with dinner or I really will burn the house down, I can smell the bread in the oven.” 

“I hope you are normally better than this in the kitchen.” Q shook his head. “Because if this was all supposed to impress me…”

“Shut up Q,” Bond rolled his eyes and walked back into the kitchen. “You should be grateful we aren’t eating toast for dinner. Looks like that’s all you’ve been eating for days.” 

Q stood to follow him, letting Eleanor curl herself back up on the couch cushion, “Maybe I have fond memories of black currant jam,” he said quietly, thinking James wouldn’t hear him. But James kept the little satisfied smile to himself when he caught the near whisper. 

All night Q waited for James to say something to bait him, to flirt, to make an overture, to challenge him again, but James never did. They drank the wine, they ate the salad and lasagna and bread and then enjoyed the crème brulee and never once did James do anything other then tell stories and ask Q for stories of his own. 

“How did you end up with this house?” James asked opening a second bottle of wine. 

“Family,” Q answered.

James raised one eyebrow and a half smirk, “you’re lying.”

“How do you know I’m lying?” 

“Because Eve checked your files, since I don’t have clearance. There is no record of this house in your family.” 

Q rolled his eyes, “Christ, between you and Eve, and bloody Riley…”

“You’re deflecting,” Bond took a sip of wine and held Q’s gaze. “Where did you get the house?”

“None of your business,” Q answered, grabbing his own wine glass. 

Bond twisted his mouth in a thoughtful way as he studied Q, “you have a lot of secrets, don’t you Q?” 

Q didn’t answer him. “Anymore crème brulee?” he said, clearly deflecting again as he stood to go to the kitchen and coming back with another dish. 

Conversation continued and the evening grew late but it wasn’t until Penelope jumped on Q’s lap that Q noticed the time. James knew what was coming before Q could say anything and he spoke up first. “Think I’ll grab Ellie and head to bed,” James offered. “Are you running again tomorrow morning?” 

Q raised his eyebrows in surprise then slowly nodded, “probably.” Then he stood, Penelope under his arm, “it helps me clear my head.” 

“Right, then I won’t plan on you for breakfast.” And with that James disappeared. 

Q stood in the living room still holding Penelope amazed to suddenly find he was alone. He absolutely expected James to try something at the end of the evening and he had prepared himself to rebuff the advance. But James had just gotten up, walked away and gone to bed. 

“He thinks he’s being smart about this,” Q said talking to Penelope as he headed for his room. “But I know what he’s up too. I’m not falling for it.” 

“Falling for what Q?” James asked coming out of the guest bathroom with his toothbrush still in his mouth, wearing only his trousers, having lost his shirt surprisingly quickly. 

Q jumped and Penelope launched from his arms in surprise. “Shit, James!” Q looked down at his forearm the cat scratches already welling little pricks of blood. “You scared both of us. ” 

“Sorry,” James smirked, “Do you need a plaster for the injury?” He reached out to take Q’s arm in his hand to look more closely.

“No!” Q pulled his arm back, twisting away like a child.

“I could kiss it, make it better.” James offered with a wink, he saw how Q glanced up and down taking in Bond’s bare skin. 

“No thank you, I’m fine.” Q mumbled, then turned sideways to sneak past Bond who stood in the center of the hall like an overly large boulder. “You look like you still need plasters yourself.”

“I’m fine,” Bond answered, looking quickly at his bicep, the black threads from his stitches still hanging loose from the unplanned wrestling match with Q the night before, and really, the bruises from his cracked ribs were almost gone. “Goodnight Q,” James smiled, chewing on his toothbrush as he pulled on a stitch thinking he’d just take them out himself. 

Q didn’t answer him. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: Must not give into this, this, whatever this is that James is doing. Seduction? Manipulation more like it. 

Do have to admit he’s a good cook. But then again, he did set my cat on fire. On FIRE! Damn bloody man. 

I don’t know how he thinks this could possibly work. He may be the most god damn sexy man I’ve ever met, and while it’s endearing that he’s trying so hard, I can’t give my heart to him. I just can’t. I will never forget the sound of James being beaten, the sound of his ribs cracking, his scream when they… it does me no good to relive this, other then reconfirm that I can’t get closer to him. It’s for both of us, and someday he’ll realize I’m right. But I won’t be driven out of my own house. I can play this game as long as he can.

Best part and also the worst part of today- the feeling of his lips on the nape of my neck, his teeth behind my ear, and then the chill on my skin when I had to walk away. Bugger it all to hell. 

~~~


	11. Running in Circles

Chapter 11: Running in Circles

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Quartermaster files closed and password secured. 

~~~

James kept reminding himself that patience is a virtue, then he would frown and consider that he had never been virtuous and he hated virtue, but then he’d think about what he needed to do to wait out Q and he’d be right back at patience is a virtue. The question was really how long James could keep this up. Once again the day began with Q disappearing for a long run and James waking up with a cat just about sleeping on his face, blowing cat hair out of his nose as he moved Ellie further down the bed. James laid there a long time, one arm hung over his face blocking the light and the reality of the day from his eyes, the other arm draped over Ellie who was content to stay by his hip as long as he kept petting her. “Patience, patience”, he keep saying to himself, finally heaving himself from the bed to go find food and snoop around Q’s house some more. Because if Q was willing to leave James unsupervised then James was going to take advantage of the opportunity. 

When Q finally came back from his long run he found James in the living room, this time eating a curried chicken salad sandwich, which smelled delicious. Bond was trying to keep Eleanor at bay who was trying to eat it from between his fingers while he surfed the TV channels with the remote. “Hungry?” James asked looking up nonchalantly, like this happened all the time. “There is more in the kitchen.” 

“Maybe after I shower,” Q replied, unwrapping the tangled earbuds that hung from his shoulder and headed for his bedroom shaking his head at the strange domestic scene playing out in his living room. This whole thing was surreal and Q was starting to wonder how long Bond thought he could wait this out, this was absolutely not the way James Bond, 007 would handle anything. 

When Q finally joined James in the living room, post shower, he found a cup of tea and a plate of lunch waiting for him. Bond had settled on watching whatever was on BBC, which appeared to be a rerun of QI with Stephen Fry. “So how far do you run everyday?”

“Depends,” Q answered reaching for the sandwich, he was hungrier then he thought and the curried chicken salad was fantastic. 

“Depends on what?”

“My mood,” Q took another big bite, lifting his arm to block Eleanor’s approach. James grabbed the cat and hauled her back to his lap. 

“So how far did you run today?” he asked knowing Q would see right through his questions. 

“About twenty five kilometers.” 

Bond tried to keep his reaction in check. “Really? And do you run further when your mood is good or bad?”

“It’s not about good or bad, usually. It’s about whatever problem I’m thinking about and how long I need to solve it.” Q answered, picking pieces of chicken off his plate that had fallen out of his sandwich, then he looked up with a smile, “is there more of this? It’s very good.” 

“Yeah, I’ll get you some more,” Bond stood taking the cat with him, her back legs dangling behind his elbow as he carried her over his forearm. “So was today a shorter than average or longer than average run?” 

“Longer,” Q answered honestly.

Bond turned to look at him briefly, “lots to think about?” 

Q snorted as he laughed, “yes, something like that.” 

Bond reappeared with another sandwich on a napkin. “And what were you thinking about?” he asked continuing the conversation like there had been no lag. 

“None of your business,” Q answered, “thank you for the sandwich.” He stood taking the napkin, set it on his plate and headed for his office. “I shall assume you can keep yourself entertained, I’m off to work.” 

Bond sighed and nodded grabbing the TV remote. “Any requests for dinner?”

“Garlic is always good,” Q quipped, knowing that comment sent a message. 

Bond just smiled serenely, “good to know.” And as Q walked down the hall James rolled his eyes in frustration, Q was absolutely testing his patience. But he’d play along, looking up the recipe for forty garlic chicken which he knew would turn fluorescent green if cooked correctly. 

~~~

James held dinner off as long as he could, determined to not interrupt Q in his office. But the chicken was going to go dry and the garlic was going to go bitter if they didn’t eat soon, so James finally decided he needed to knock. No answer. He knocked again, no answer, on the third knock he tried the doorknob concerned something had happened. “Q?” he asked as he slowly opened the door and peeked inside. James found him asleep, earbuds in his ears, music still playing as he lay curled up on the twin bed that was shoved into the corner of the room. A pillow pulled close to his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around it Q slept soundly, his face relaxed and at peace. Penelope was curled into the vee at the back of his knees and looked up sleepily for just a moment before wrapping her tail more tightly around her little circular form. James debated waking him, saying his name quietly but not reaching out to touch him. Then he saw Q’s face tighten, his mouth dropping into a frown as he pulled the pillow even tighter, his legs coming up as he bent his knees towards his stomach, a pained sound erupting from Q’s throat and then James heard his name come from Q’s mouth. 

He couldn’t help it, he reached out for Q’s shoulder, turning to sit beside him on the bed as he gently pulled the earbuds from Q’s ears, “Q, wake up!” 

Q sat up with a start, Penelope startled and scurrying off the bed. Q’s eyes were unfocused but he reached instinctively for the man who sat beside him, pulling him close as he wrapped his arms around him. “James.”

“Yeah, it’s me,” James tried to console him, feeling him shake in his arms, and then unexpectedly Q turned his face towards James and kissed him. James returned it eagerly for only a few seconds before he pulled back, “Q?” He wasn’t even sure if Q was actually awake and this wasn’t right. 

Q’s eyes sharpened and he realized what he’d done, letting go of James and edging away further up the bed, “Sorry, I apologize, I…”

“Don’t apologize, it’s what I want, but you woke up from a nightmare… you said my name…are you okay?” Bond had to clench his fists to keep from reaching out for him. 

Q had pulled his knees up to his chest, his arms wrapped around his legs as he put as much distance between James and himself as he could on the small bed. “I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, absolutely. I didn’t expect…” 

“I know,” James interrupted, “I’m sorry, but dinner is more than ready and you hadn’t come out and I knocked but…”

“I haven’t been sleeping well... I didn’t mean to sleep that long,” Q interrupted James. “I should have set an alarm, let’s go eat, smells delicious,” Q was rambling as he shoved himself towards the end of the bed to climb off and get out of the room ahead of James. 

James watched him go and sighed, brushing his knuckles over his mouth still able to taste the kiss Q had pressed to his lips and he suddenly wasn’t hungry for forty clove garlic chicken. He was slow to follow Q, pausing in the doorway watching Q dart around the kitchen pulling plates and flatware, dishing food up without noticing Bond. 

“Why don’t I open the wine tonight?” James said to alert Q that he was there. Q was frenetic and James could tell he was trying to cover for what had happened in the bedroom. Slow and steady James thought, Q was like a skittish animal and James had to be patient. 

Dinner was quiet, James trying to wait out the silence but Q wouldn’t even make eye contact, just pouring himself more wine and focusing on his plate. James finally had to say something, “Q, do you have that dream a lot?”

Q looked up in surprise, he had been waiting for James to confront him about the kiss, his mouth opened and closed as he had to think about what to say, his planned reply not appropriate. “I…” 

James reached for the wine, they were on their second bottle for the night, but didn’t interrupt Q this time.

“I… don’t want to talk about it.” Q finally said, running his hands through his hair. 

“Okay,” James said quietly. “What should we talk about then?” 

Q looked up at him briefly, before looking back at his plate. “The chicken is very good.” 

“Thanks,” James said, leaning back in his chair and folding his napkin to lie on the table beside his plate. “It’s got plenty of garlic. So I’m glad that kiss happened before dinner and not after.” 

Q wiped his mouth with his napkin trying to hide the little smile that caught him by surprise. 

“Although I’ve always heard that as long as both people have indulged then it’s really not a problem.” James winked at Q when he caught his eye, desperate to find a way to make Q lighten up. “Dessert?”

“Depends on what it is,” Q answered, happy James didn’t seem to require a response to his comment about the kiss. 

Bond gave Q a closed lip smile that lit up the corners of his eyes, “ice cream. No blow torches involved and no, I didn’t inadvertently freeze any cats this time.” 

“Lovely. Maybe coffee to go with it?” Q answered, standing to clear the plates, “I’ve had more then enough wine tonight.” His head was swimming a bit when he stood and he regretted that he’d let himself drink so much. 

James nodded, “sure.” They didn’t linger at the table tonight the way they had last night. Q was still edgy. 

“Decaf?” Bond asked, “since you’ve already slept this afternoon will you be able to sleep tonight.”

Q really wanted to say, “Well I can think of other things to do then sleep,” but he didn’t, because he refused to give James hope, even if it was what he was really thinking. Instead he said, “it’s not a problem, I’ll just stay up to work.” 

James followed Q into the kitchen pulling the ice cream from the freezer as Q pulled out the French press to make coffee. “We could watch a movie instead of you working,” he offered.

Q’s hands slowed as he filled the kettle to heat water when he heard James’ suggestion, then he quickly turned the water off. “Sure,” he answered with a nod. “Whatever you want.” 

James had already studied Q’s collection of movies and had one picked out, “The Lobster”. It was supposed to be a black romantic comedy, and it looked like it had potential. 

Q finished the coffee and handing one mug to James he grabbed a bowl of ice cream and headed for the living room climbing onto the couch, folding his legs underneath him as he waited for Bond. 

James followed him, eyeing the couch and debating about whether Q really wanted him to sit beside him. Bond grabbed the DVD, popping it in to hit play before grabbing Eleanor, “Come here Ellie, you can keep me company in this chair.” He wasn’t going to assume Q was offering him an invitation. Q briefly met his eyes before scooping up another spoon of ice cream and looking back at his bowl and James actually wondered if he didn’t spot a moment of disappointment. 

Q finally figured out the movie James had picked when the credits started, “Seriously?” He looked at James, “I would have picked you for an action movie man.”

“What?” James smiled, “I can’t have a soft side? I like that actress in this one, Rachel… what’s her name…” 

Q just shook his head, “whatever. But I’m picking the next one.” 

“How late are we staying up?” James asked. 

Q just shrugged his shoulders, “don’t know. Until I get tired I guess.” He took another bite of ice cream. “But you can go to bed whenever you want.” 

James ignored that comment. “Q…I’m curious…why do you have DVDs?”

“What do you mean why do I have DVDs?”

“You are a tech genius. You live your life online. I can’t believe you aren’t a Netflix, hulu guy.”

“Netflix and chill?” Q asked raising his eyebrows at James. “Don’t get your hopes up.”

“I don’t have any hopes for tonight, don’t worry. So why the DVDs?”

“I do stream lots of things, movies, music… I read news online… but there are some things I still like to hold in my hands. Sometimes it’s DVDs, CDs…. I like to read liner notes. ”

“You’re a vinyl collector.” James said. 

Q narrowed his eyes at James, “you’ve been snooping again.” 

“Of course I have. You left the house for three hours and I was unsupervised.” James chuckled.

“Then you know I do.” Q debated asking James what other things he had discovered snooping through his house this morning, then decided he didn’t actually want to know. “Now are we going to watch the movie or not?” Q reached for the remote. 

“Sure,” James nodded, sitting back in his chair, interesting conversation over apparently. 

~~~

About half way through the film Bond got antsy, turned out Q was right and it really wasn’t his kind of movie. He stood up to head for the kitchen. 

“Where are you going?” Q looked up distracted, this was actually one of his favorites, which is why he bought the DVD. 

“Popcorn,” he answered. “Be right back.”

“Do you want me to pause it?” Q reached for the remote control.

“No, no, it’s okay.” Bond shook his head as he headed for the kitchen, “you can let it play. I’m sure I can get caught up.”

Q snickered. He knew James wouldn’t like this movie. 

When James returned he decided to take a chance, “want some?” 

Q nodded, “sure,” without really looking up from the TV screen. 

“I only brought one bowl,” he sat down beside Q, “I guess we’ll have to share.” When Q didn’t bolt James smiled, ‘baby steps’ he thought, and then realized ten minutes later that sharing with Q meant most of the popcorn disappeared in large handfuls almost instantly. 

Even with the coffee and afternoon nap, the fact that Q clearly wasn’t sleeping well meant Q started drifting now that he was full of calories and warm on wine, and every now and then he had to fight back a yawn. As Q fell asleep he slowly and inadvertently leaned towards James, resting his head against his shoulder and James smiled, easing himself a little lower to let Q settle in. James would sit up on the couch all night if it meant he could have Q close, and he had no plans to wake him, even if it meant he had to watch the end of this movie by himself. 

The movie now long over, James had turned off the TV, Eleanor climbing onto his lap for a cuddle. Q slowly woke to find James looking down at him and he smiled, leaning up to give him a soft kiss, his hand coming to James’ cheek. This time James indulged, leaning into the kiss, softening his mouth against Q’s, gently sucking Q’s bottom lip between his own. They slowly explored each other, until once again Q finally came to his senses, his arms suddenly flailing as he launched himself from the couch, clubbing James in the chest with his elbow. “James!” 

James clutched his chest with his hand, “Ow, Jesus Q!” 

“I didn’t want…” Q was backing away from the couch, crashing backwards into the coffee table where he was forced to now accidentally sit or he’d fall over it. 

“Didn’t want what? To wake up in my arms and find me willing?” James was rubbing at his sternum. “Because I think you do want that actually, you just won’t admit it.”

“No!” Q leaned down to rest his elbows on his thighs, letting his head drop. 

James sighed, his frustration mounting, “you didn’t wake up from a nightmare this time, I thought you knew what you were doing.” 

Q rubbed his hands over his face, “I didn’t know…I’m sorry, I always wake up hazy.”

“Well I knew what I was doing, and that was the best thing to happen to me in the past month.” James knew he should stop, but given just thirty seconds of Q’s talented mouth he wanted more. “Why can’t we…”

“Because!” Q interrupted standing up in frustration. “Because this isn’t real. You being here, being all Mr. Domestic, cooking, doting on me, picking romantic comedies. Yes, I want to be with you, but going back to London is going back to reality, and this isn’t reality!” 

“Q…” James leaned forward on the couch, his forearms on his thighs as looked up at Q earnestly. 

“No James.” And with that Q turned and went to his bedroom, leaving James alone in the living room. 

James dropped his head to his hands in frustration and then stood up quickly intending to follow his quartermaster and force the conversation they really needed to have. But then he stopped when he got to the closed door, pausing he leaned his forehead against it briefly knowing he’d go backwards if he knocked now. He turned and went to the guest room. Tomorrow they’d finally have it out, but not tonight. 

Bond texted Eve as he climbed into bed, “give us more time. I’m not ready to come back to London yet. Can you clear it with M?” Then he added a “please, and thank you” 

Eve replied, “Sure. Everything okay? Q isn’t responding to any of my texts anymore.” 

“Hard to say. Three steps forward, two steps back. He’s stubborn.” 

“You both are.” Eve replied. 

Bond smiled, she was right, they were both very stubborn, but James was determined to win this one.

~~~  
Q opened the door to Bond’s room at 6:30 in the morning. “Bond wake up!” 

James’ eye shot open and he instinctively reached for the gun he normally kept on the nightstand. Thankfully it wasn’t actually within reach, but he sat up instantaneously anyway.

Q didn’t even respond to the chaos he had just created. “Do you have running trainers with you?”

“What?” James was rubbing his eyes, “Q, what the hell?”

“Do you have running shoes with you?” Q asked again impatiently.

“Yes,” James answered, “but why are you in my room? What time is it?” He grabbed his phone to look at the time, “bloody hell Q, the sun isn’t even up yet.”

“Yes it is. Come on, you are coming running with me this morning.”

“What?” At this point James was wide awake, his feet hanging over the side of the bed, his hand sleepily rubbing across his bare chest. “Why?”

“Because we have a problem to solve.” Q said before turning and walking out of the room. “I’m leaving in fifteen minutes. It would be five, but I’m willing to give you a few extra to get dressed.” 

Bond looked at the empty doorway as Q disappeared. “We have a problem to solve?” He stood feeling his ribs ache, still sore from Croatia and his quick response to Q appearing in his room hadn’t helped. “I don’t have a problem Q. You have the problem.” 

“I heard that,” Q said as he walked by the door to retrieve his sweatshirt. 

~~~

They were five kilometers in and Bond was doing his best to not show that he was struggling to keep his breath while Q just darted along in front of him. “Q, how far are we going?” 

Q slowed down to let Bond catch up, “I’m not sure yet, remember I solve problems while I run.”

“Yes, but how are we going to solve this TOGETHER while running?” James had slowed down even further with the hope that he could get Q to shorten his stride. 

“We are going to talk it through together,” Q commented. “Now come on, any slower and we’ll be walking.” He picked up the pace again.

Bond came to a complete stop, “Q!” 

Q jogged back and then ran in circles around Bond while Bond leaned over, his hands on his thighs as he panted. “Out of shape Bond? I thought you passed all those physical tests when you came back after your vacation with Dr. Swann.” 

Bond shot Q a look that could kill but it didn’t phase Q in the slightest. 

James stood up, and slowly started to jog forward again. “Talking through a problem means we are talking. We haven’t talked at all in these first five kilometers.” James protested.

“I was getting warmed up,” Q turned to run backwards as James jogged forward. 

“Don’t make me trip you,” Bond threatened, so far unpleased with how this day was going. Q snorted as he laughed and turned back around to run at James’ pace beside him. Bond and Q ran quietly down the country lane that edged the town Q’s house was closest to until Bond finally prompted Q again. “So what problem are we solving Q.”

“Us,” Q answered. “The problem of us.”

“We are not a problem,” James answered. 

Q snorted again, “really James?”

“Yes. A problem is something that is preventing something else from happening, or is in the way. A problem is something that is destructive or dangerous. You and I are none of those things. The problem is you are getting in the way of what we could be sharing.”

“And the problem is that you are destructive and dangerous, “ Q turned Bond’s words.

“And so are you Q,” Bond answered immediately. 

Q didn’t reply to that but added. “I don’t want to argue the semantics of what defines a problem. Here is what I’m thinking. You and I are attracted to one another.”

“That’s… not… a… problem… Q” Bond replied in between breaths.

“Just listen,” Q shushed him. “Clearly I’m in better shape than you and can actually talk while we run. So just try to keep up.” 

Bond huffed and rolled his eyes, thinking that just because Q could run long distance didn’t make him in better shape. He was pretty sure he could snap him in two if need be.

“You and I are attracted to one another. But I’m struggling to provide support and do my job as your quartermaster because of the emotions I’ve attached to you.” He paused straightening his back feeling like the next thing he would say was risky. “And I honestly have no idea what emotions you think you may feel for me.” He looked at James out of his peripheral vision but got no response. “So I think one answer is that we give in to the attraction.” Once again he looked at James in his peripheral vision but got no response. “And we sleep together.” No response. Just the slow plodding as they jogged forward. “We have sex.” Q added to clarify. He kept thinking something he would say would get a response but James was a rock wall. Q finally turned his head completely to look at the man beside him. “Did you hear me?”

James nodded, “Yes, but I don’t think you are done. You told me to listen. I’m listening.” James could hear the gap in Q’s statements, there was more, he knew it. 

“Right,” Q sighed and turned forward to keep running. 

James prompted him, “you said we should have sex.” 

“Yes,” Q began again. “But that’s all. No other emotional investment. Just… sex.” Q paused to see what James would say. 

“Is that it?” James asked. 

“Yes.”

“You want to be fuck buddies?” James stated.

“Well that sounds rather vulgar,” Q protested. 

“But that’s what you said. We can fuck, but I shouldn’t expect anything else.” 

“Well…” Q started. 

“No.” James said firmly before Q could finish his thought. 

“No?” Q actually stopped running. He pulled up short and James ran two or three steps ahead before he pulled up as well, turning back to face Q.

“No.” James said again. Then he turned to keep running. “Come on, we haven’t yet solved our problem.” They had reached the outskirts of town and James turned to head down the main road. 

“But we are good at sex. We both liked the sex. Or at least I did. I thought you did too.” Q was now jogging half a step behind James, surprised at his response. 

“Oh don’t get me wrong,” James answered. “I definitely want to have sex with you,” he called back over his shoulder just as a little old lady came out onto the sidewalk to collect the newspaper. 

She looked up and smiled, “well come on in, sweetie. I just put on water for a cuppa.” 

Q went beat red in an instant blush as he and James jogged by. James slowed to smile at her and pointed to Q, “actually I meant him. But thanks for the offer.”

“I can’t believe you said that so loud,” Q laughed. 

James just smiled at him, “Sex isn’t the issue here Q. Unless you are going to recant and say you don’t want it. It’s the friends with benefits part.” 

“But…” Q stuttered. 

James slowed, reaching for Q as they came side by side, stopping him on the sidewalk. “Q, I’m not in this for the sex.” 

“You’re not?” 

“No.” He saw the confusion on Q’s face. “Don’t get me wrong. The sex we had was fucking fantastic. And I want that again. Like right now. Right here, if you are interested, I bet that nice lady would let us borrow a bedroom. But that’s not enough.” 

“But… I can’t do more than that,” Q frowned, pulling his hands from James’. Q turned and started running back the way they had come. 

James rolled his eyes and turned to follow. “Why not?” 

“Because…” Q started. “Because I can’t…” and then Q stopped talking and starting running faster. 

James followed. And then Q started to run even faster, outpacing him until James stopped trying to keep up and let Q distance himself. Because that was clearly what Q wanted. He wanted distance. He wanted to protect his heart. Bond understood that, he’d been doing it for years and every time he stopped, every time he let someone in he got his heart broken. But for some reason James trusted Q with his heart. He just had to get Q to trust him back. 

Q looked over his shoulder as he approached the house and couldn’t see James behind him. He kept running, knowing that Bond wouldn’t follow at this point. Q was tired, more emotionally then even physically. He hadn’t slept well after what had happened with James on the couch and he had been up half the night trying to figure out what to do. He thought his compromise would be the perfect answer and they’d both be happy, he hadn’t anticipated James refusal. When he finally finished the running loop that led him back to his home he was beyond weary, but he couldn’t bring himself to go inside. 

James saw Q coming down the street and sat pensively waiting for him to come in the house. But after another twenty minutes with no Q, James finally went to the front door and opened it to find Q sitting on the front steps. “Ever planning to come inside?” he asked as he leaned against the doorframe. 

“Eventually,” Q replied quietly. “But only because it’s surprisingly chilly out here.”

“That’s because you have had nothing to eat, you have zero body fat and you are wet from running, let me guess, something like forty kilometers today?”

Q nodded, “yes, something like that.”

“And did running a marathon mean you found an answer to your problem?” James asked. 

Q shook his head no. 

“Come in and eat something.” Bond turned from the door and headed inside leaving it open. 

Things were quiet between the two of them for a long time. Q ate left over chicken salad, drank a litre of water and then went to shower. He emerged in blue jeans, and a Bon Iver sweat shirt, hair still dripping as he toweled it dry. 

“I’m going to run a few errands this afternoon,” Bond finally said as he reached for his jacket with the car keys in the pocket. “I’ll bring back something for dinner, yeah?” 

Q just nodded, looking soggy and forlorn as he perched his bare feet on the coffee table, Penelope leaping up to climb into his lap. 

James watched him for a long moment and finally, jacket and keys in his hand, walked over to Q. Leaning over the back of the couch James reached for Q’s chin with his free hand tipping Q’s head back towards him, and then James kissed him. He kissed him thoroughly, his tongue sliding inside Q’s mouth as Q gasped in surprise, taking a deep and prolonged kiss from the young man who leaned back, not fighting, but accepting James’ advance. James finally relented, brushing his nose along Q’s neck and under his ear, so badly wanting to nip at his skin in just that spot. He felt Q swallow, his adam’s apple bobbing as his head was still tipped, and then a final peck to his warm wet lips James stood up, smiling at the rather destroyed look on Q’s face. “When I get back, we are going to figure this out Q. Because I won’t go back to London without you, and while your offer this morning to share my bed is tempting, I’m not just going to shag you.” And with that James turned on his heel and left not waiting for Q’s reply. 

Q sat there not moving, until Penelope bumped her head forcefully against his hand and he absentmindedly started to pet her, James’ words streaming through his head over and over. He finally sighed, “Well, you may not be willing to just shag me, but apparently you don’t have a problem with just snogging me.” Then he looked down at Penelope and aggressively scratched behind both of her ears as she looked up at him with wide amber eyes, “and that was a damn good snog Penelope.” He leaned his head back against the couch again and closed his eyes. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: I offered to let him shag me, no relationship commitment expected, or even wanted. He turned me down. HE FUCKING TURNED ME DOWN! I really thought it might be a reasonable compromise, because even though he just about snogged me into a heart attack, I don’t know how to make this work. Bugger, why can’t he just agree to bugger me and leave it at that. Seriously… this is James, “I’ll shag anything that walks”, Bond. But noooo… not me… Goddamn agent.   
~~~


	12. Star gazing

Chapter 12: Star Gazing

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Quartermaster files closed and password secured. 

~~~  
Unlike Q, Bond didn’t solve problems while running, running made him turn his mind off and give into the endorphins. Bond solved problems by driving. It made his brain sharp and made him pay attention, and thus now he drove, fast and far as he debated his own answers. 

He grabbed his mobile to call Eve, one thing he had immediately realized as he sped down the road was that his passive patience wasn’t going to be the answer. Q had hinted more than once about his insecurities regarding relationships, and Bond was starting to suss out that this whole thing was bigger then just Q’s concern about him. Bond was a spy for fuck’s sake, and spies collected information, he needed more on Q. 

Eve answered the phone on the second ring, “Bond?”

“Hello Moneypenny, how are you today my lovely?” 

“What do you want James? Are you with Q?” Immediately suspect her voice carried a clip of irritation. 

“I’m not currently with Q, no, I’m out driving. Listen Eve I need your help.”

“What now? Helping you always gets me into trouble.”

Bond chose to ignore that comment, “Listen, I know you can’t divulge confidential information from Q’s file, but you are also his friend Eve, and you know him better than probably anyone else, I need you to share what you know about Q’s relationships.” 

“Why?”

“Because he’s got bigger barriers up then most people, and I think something has happened to him in the past. What do you know?” 

“James…”

“Please Eve, this is important.” 

He could hear her sigh heavily on the other end of the line, “I really think you should just talk to HIM about this. If he wants you to know then he’ll tell you.” 

“So you do know.” James replied with a smirk. The trick to getting information was hearing as much about what wasn’t said, as what was said.

“I don’t know very much.” Eve replied, frustrated with James already.

“Then this will be a short conversation.” James said sarcastically.

Silence on the other end as Eve hesitated. James waited her out. “I know he hasn’t had very many relationships,” she finally offered.

“Well, since he’s only like 19 years old that’s not surprising.” Bond laughed. 

“James, DO you even know how old he ACTUALLY is?” Eve replied, her voice tinged with frustration. 

“He’s 36 and his birthday is in October.” Bond answered. 

Eve sounded surprised, “how do you know that?”

“I’m a spy Eve.” James answered flippantly. “So how many is not many relationships?”

“I’m not sure, I’ve only ever heard him talk about three.” 

“Long term?” Bond clarified.

“Yes,” Eve replied, “when he gets involved, he plans to stay involved. James, I shouldn’t be telling you this.”

“Why did they end?” Bond ignored her protest. 

Eve didn’t say anything. 

“Eve, why did they end? Did Q end them? Did his boyfriends end them?”

Eve hesitated. “As far as I know, Q has never been the one to call it off. He says he’s always the one to get his heart broken.” 

Bond frowned, “which is why he’s hesitant and slow to commit. Why did they end?”

“I don’t know.” Eve answered quickly.

“I don’t believe you.”

“I really don’t James. I know one of them ended because Q’s partner left him for someone else.” 

“Idiot.” Bond quipped making Eve laugh. “What else?”

“James, you have to ask Q.” She really was trying to get herself to stop talking, she knew she had already said too much.

“I will, I just need to know what questions to ask, you know me Eve, I just need the background, this is intelligence gathering.”

“He’s going to be pissed at me,” Eve protested “He’s going to know where you got the information from.”

“But if it helps him feel better about getting involved with me, and he’s happy, then isn’t it worth it?”

Silence.

“Eve?”

Silence.

“Unless you think he won’t be happy with me.” Bond replied, pursing his lips into a tight line. 

“I didn’t say that.” Eve replied.

“You didn’t have to,” Bond retorted. “Why have you helped me find him, if you don’t think he and I are good together?”

“I do think you two could be good together. God, he’s been in love with you for forever.” Eve said and then quickly tried to pull it back, “forget I said that.”

“What do you mean he’s been in love with me?” Bond wasn’t letting her take it back. 

“Well, not in love necessarily,” she tried to redirect. “But the crush has been enormous.” 

Bond smiled, “I already knew that.” 

“Oh….” Eve laughed, “I don’t think you really do.” 

Bond went quiet for a moment letting that sink in before he replied to Eve. “Are you worried that I’ll hurt him?” 

“Yes.” She answered quickly and honestly. “And if you do, I will shoot you again.” 

Bond smirked. “Well then I will do my best not to, next time you might actually hit something important.” He changed the subject, intending to come back around to it. “What do you know about Q’s money?” 

“What about it?” Eve wasn’t going to be suckered into an answer that would give away more then she intended this time. 

“He seems to have a lot of it. The house, it’s not a family home. The personal tech, the telescope he had there. Where did Q get all the money? What did he do before he came to MI6?” 

“Classified.” Eve replied with a single word. 

Bond smirked, even that answer told him a lot; that he was right about Q having done something before MI6 that made him wealthy. “What about his education? Is he a self-taught computer geek who learned to hack and code in his bedroom? Or did he go to school for it?” 

“Why do you think I can tell you any of that?” Eve replied. “Not like we talk about his degrees over drinks.” 

“Degrees? Plural? Does he have a Ph.D.?” Bond smirked, “Seriously, should I be calling him Professor Q?”

“I didn’t say that.” Eve scrunched her nose as she closed her eyes tight, silently cursing herself. She really did suck at this espionage stuff when it came to Bond. 

“Fine, you didn’t say that.” Bond smiled. “Back to the boyfriends, because I’m sure you won’t tell me about his family.” 

Eve shook her head, “no, no, no. I’m done talking to you James. You need to talk to Q.” 

“I’ve been trying Eve.” James could tell she was about to hang up on him. “He won’t tell me anything.” 

“Maybe there is a reason. Maybe you should trust him to tell you when he’s ready.” 

“Alright, alright. One last question, then I’ll let you go.”

“What?” she huffed. 

James was careful in how he asked this, “do you know if any of his boyfriends died?” Eve was very quiet for far too long. James had his answer. “It’s okay Eve, don’t answer that. I can honestly tell him you didn’t tell me.” 

“James, Q is one of the most important people to me in the whole world.” Eve said quickly, “I want him to be happy.” 

“So do I Eve.” James sighed. “Thanks for the help.” 

James drove for a good two hours out into the country, contemplating what to do before finally turning back, believing he had an answer. He was nearly back to Q’s before he realized he had forgotten food and turned back around to find something quick for them both in town. 

Q on the other hand, had given into his melancholy after Bond left, curling up on the couch, a blanket wrapped around him, both cats sleeping on either side of him. He was on his fourth hour of Orphan Black reruns, thinking that if he could just clone Bond then he could have a version of James that he wouldn’t have to worry about. He heard the front door and closed his eyes, he wasn’t sure he was ready to deal with this again, then he smelled the melted cheese and oregano, “did you bring pizza?” His head lifted as he nosed at the scent in the air.

“Yes,” Bond answered. “The only other fast food place in this little town looked like it hadn’t been power washed in ten years. So I hope the pizza place is okay.”

Q smiled, “best pizza in town.” He moved the cats as he tossed off his blanket and climbed off the couch following Bond into the kitchen. 

“Only pizza in town,” Bond lamented. “Now come eat while it’s still warm. And I bought beer tonight not wine. I think pizza is better with beer.” 

Q paused, a flashback to the only other time they had shared “still warm” pizza and sighed at the memory, wondering if James was thinking about it too. 

~~~

“So what’s your answer to the problem James?” Q asked once they had settled back in the living room pizza and beer in hand. There was no point in pretending this wasn’t the conversation they needed to have.

Bond had been thinking about all afternoon. “I’ll give up being a double 0 agent.” 

“What?” Q dropped his pizza slice and just about spit out his beer.

“I’m close to retirement Q, I’m older then all the other agents, and honestly after Le Chiffre tortured me, Eve shot me, my own step-brother drilled into my brain, and then I got beaten to a pulp in Croatia, I’m thinking I’m ready to be done with this.”

“NO!” Q shook his head.

“No?” Bond laughed, “I don’t think you get to say no to this Q. This is my decision. I have plenty of money. And I’m sure there are other things MI6 would let me do.” 

“No,” Q shook his head again. “I won’t let you do this because of me.”

“Why not? You said you can’t let yourself be emotionally attached to me because you’re afraid I’ll get hurt again.”

“Or worse.” Q said quietly.

“Or worse,” Bond added. “This solves the problem.”

“No.” Q shook his head.

“Q.” Bond replied calmly.

“No James.” Q shook his head again.

“Q.”

“That’s too much. That’s too much pressure.”

“Pressure? On who?” Bond set his food down and leaned forward towards Q. 

“On me.” Q looked directly at James. 

“What?”

“You retiring from MI6 for me. You can’t do that. What if things between us don’t work? What if we hate each other in six months? Then I’ll have guilt that you quit your career for me. No.” Q just kept shaking his head back and forth slowly. 

Bond sighed. “Q” 

“No. You left with Madeleine because you thought you were done. And that didn’t work out either did it.”

“Q, I left Madeline to come back to YOU. Remember?” 

Q sighed. “Yes, I remember. I remember you finding me shooting condom covered rods of maple across the lab because I hadn’t been shagged in… too damn long. And then all of this happened,” Q waved his hands back and forth between the two of them, Q’s ongoing visual code for their relationship. “… so fast…” 

Bond looked at Q and nodded. “I see.”

“See what?” Q asked quickly.

“This isn’t about whether I know what I want. This is about whether you know what you want. And now you’re not sure.” James sat back in the chair, running his hands over his face in exasperation.

“NO!” Q stood up and climbed over the coffee table sitting on it and leaning in as he came face to face with James, who for the first time in days looked unsure himself. “No it’s not. I do know what I want. I want you, but I want you as you. Not you as someone who’s given up their career for me. When the time is right, then yes, for the right reasons, and maybe that time is sooner then later.”

“Are you calling me old again?” James chuckled.

“James, you can’t deny that even young agents are often done before their sell by date. This is a tough job.”

“My sell by date?” James groaned.

“I’m just saying, give me some time to figure this out. I didn’t solve this on my run this morning, but I did decide that you are right.”

“I’m right? About what?” James sighed. 

“That we can’t just be friends with benefits.”

“Fuck buddies,” James clarified. 

Q rolled his eyes, “Whatever… I may not know how to do this yet. But I don’t just want that, and as much as I might want to, as much as I think it would be BETTER for BOTH of us… I can’t just walk away from you.” Q surprised himself as he said it out loud for the first time realizing it was true.

They both stopped talking and just sat there looking at each other for a very long time. 

Bond finally smiled. “So…”

“So we’ll figure it out.” Q grinned in reply, a bit shyly. 

Bond sat there, a shit eating grin on his face, looking at Q who was now blushing. “Does this mean I can kiss you now, for real?”

“Yes,” Q sighed, “please do,” a look of needy desire on his face, which made James laugh. 

But this time instead of surprising Q with an immediate heavy snog, James cupped Q’s face in his hands and very slowly brought his lips to Q’s, gently pressing against the soft bottom lip that he could feel move against his own. Pulling back he smiled when Q darted his eyes at his but then looked away his cheeks pink and warm, Q’s hands coming up to pull James’ hands away from his face. 

“That felt different,” Q said quietly before sitting back.

“Different?” 

Q nodded.

“Good different or bad different?” Bond asked, a small smile, before leaning forward to deliver another quick kiss to Q’s lips. 

“Just different different.” Q said again. “It’s different when there is meaning behind it.”

Bond nodded, he knew what Q meant, “and now it means something?” 

Q sighed and offered a shy smile, “yes.” 

“Do you want to go to bed and figure out how different the rest of it feels?” Bond teased him. 

Q blushed beat red, “I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.” 

“That’s fine,” James smiled confidently, “we have all the time you need, and plenty of pizza.” James winked at him. 

“Right,” Q nodded, pulling his usual confidence back into place. Feeling vulnerable made him shaky. “Time.” He looked down with an absent minded frown then raised his head, his smile firmly back in place. “And lots of pizza. And I think I definitely need another beer.”

Bond laughed, “me too.” 

Q came back with two more and handed one to James, “so does this mean we are going back to London tomorrow? I know you are on official leave because of your injuries, but Eve has been hinting that my leave is becoming rather problematic.” 

“Yes, from what Eve told me, you told M if he didn’t like the fact that you were taking leave that M could shoot you.” 

Q wrinkled his nose, “Indeed. I do believe I said something like that, yes.” 

“I don’t think you should worry too much Q. I think both you and Eve have more power then you realize. If you want more time, pretty sure your job will still be there.”

“And what do you want?” Q asked hesitantly, “How long do you want to stay?” 

“A few more days,” Bond answered, “I would love a few more days of just you and I.” 

Q nodded, although he looked unsure.

“But how about we take it a day at a time and see how we feel tomorrow? We don’t have to figure it all out here.” James conceded reading Q’s body language. 

“Right,” Q nodded again, running his hands through his unbrushed wispy hair. 

Bond could feel the waves of nervousness coming off of Q, “and since we have lots of time, how about we pick another movie, make some more popcorn and just let the time pass tonight.”

“Netflix and chill?” Q laughed shaking his head.

James laughed, “Tempting yes, but no pressure.” 

Q nodded. “Right. Good. No pressure.” He felt unfocused and vulnerable. But then he snapped back looking at Bond with emerald eyes, “you know, it’s a going to be a clear night tonight, we could pull out my telescope…unless you don’t like star gazing,” he hesitated at the end. 

“I’ve never done it.” 

“You’ve never looked at the stars?” Q looked at him in surprise. 

“Not through a telescope. I learned to use a sextant in the navy, we all had to know how to use one. But I’ve never just looked at the stars, to look at them.” 

“Well, the stars actually aren’t particularly interesting, unless you can spot a nebula, and my telescope isn’t that strong, but the planets are worth looking at. And the moon.” 

“Then lets pull out your telescope.” James nodded. 

“Really?” Q asked not quite believing James was really interested. 

“Really.” James nodded, then leaned in to kiss Q quickly, “show me the stars Q.” 

Q beamed, “right, good…I’ll get it set up. Give me a few minutes.” 

James listened to Q bang around in the spare room for a bit and then jumped from the couch when Q came out, his arms full, a blanket draped over his elbow nearly tripping him. “Where are we going?” He grabbed the blanket, helping Q stay on his feet. 

“Outside, view is better from the back garden. No tree branches in the way, which block part of the view from the bedroom window.” Q heaved the telescope up over his shoulder now that he had a free hand. “Get the door would you?” 

“Sure,” James said a bit reluctantly, not realizing this was going to be a field trip. 

~~~

“Look, right there,” Q adjusted the focus and stepped back from the telescope, “those are Saturn’s rings.” 

James smiled, Q’s enthusiasm was adorable. So far James had seen Mars deserts, the blue hue of Venus and Jupiter’s red eye. He had to admit it was pretty impressive, although he was enjoying the view of Q’s pert behind every time he traded places to adjust the telescope, just as much as the view of the planets, as Q had to bend over to line it up and focus it. This took a surprising amount of time, for which James was immensely grateful. And if James accidentally hit the side knob causing the telescope to drift making Q bend over again to correct it, perhaps more than once, well, it was worth letting Q think he was clumsy so he could continue to enjoy the view. 

Eventually James took up residence on the blanket beside Q, leaning back on his elbows to look up at the milky way. Q continued to fiddle with the telescope, droning on about the moon and the sea of tranquility, asking James if he wanted to see it. When James didn’t answer him, Q turned to look and couldn’t help but smile at the sight of James laid out beside him, eyes turned skyward. “Woah, did you see that?” he pointed to the north. 

“What?”

“Shooting star,” James looked over at Q with a grin. 

Q stepped away from the telescope, looking down at James, “have you ever searched for satellites?” 

“You can see satellites?” James looked at him in surprise. 

“Mmm, they look like fast moving stars that follow a zenith from horizon to horizon.” Q knelt down and put a hand on James’ chest, pushing him back to lay flat, then stretched out one of James’ arms to lay down beside him, resting his head on James’ bicep. Looking up at the sky, Q started searching for them, but he knew from his peripheral vision that James was looking at him, not the sky. Q smirked, and said without turning his head, “you’ll never spot any if you aren’t looking up.” 

“Maybe I prefer this view,” James smiled, rolling to his side to lean over Q, a warm kiss slowly pressed to his lips, turning into a long indulgent snog, stealing Q’s breath as he pressed him to the blanket. James suggestion earlier that they watch another movie had been completely motivated by the hope that he’d get the opportunity to snog his boyfriend on the sofa, but out here under the stars was even better. James let his hand drift down Q’s arm, his brain on autopilot with intent and as his hand wandered to Q’s hip, his fingers drifting over the buckle of Q’s belt intending to slide it open he suddenly felt Q tense, Q’s hands quickly pressing hard on James’ shoulders to back him up. 

James rolled to his side, his head hung low in apology, “sorry, that was too fast.”

“No,” Q tried to absolve him, “no, I just…” 

“No, I said no pressure.” James sighed and rolled back to lie beside Q again. Q’s head still perched on his arm. 

Q reached up with his outside arm to slip his fingers into James’ hand, which was stretched beyond Q’s shoulder. “It’s okay.” 

“Find me some satellites,” James said, his eyes now trained to the sky trying to get himself back under control, finding Q too damn tempting to ignore. 

Q glanced sideways briefly, seeing James tense his jaw, knowing he was trying to slow things down again, and with a sigh Q turned his head again to the sky above them, searching. It didn’t take long, “there,” Q said, reaching up now with his arm that had been tucked besides James to point to the dot of light streaking overhead. “See it?”

James smiled, “I do.” 

And for the next hour they lay there together counting satellites, Q finding twenty, James only eight. 

It was getting late, the air cooling around them, and Q’s thin sweatshirt was doing little to provide warmth. When Q reached up with his hand to once again link his fingers with James, James responded immediately. “Christ Q, your freezing!” he protested wrapping his arm more tightly around Q and pulling him closer. 

“Am I?” 

“Yes, you are, can’t you feel it?” 

“I didn’t want to go in. I like this… being out here with you.” Q turned to face James, pressing himself along James warmer body. 

“Mmm, well me too, but unless we want to go get warmer clothes I think it might be time to go in.” James sat up pulling Q with him, feeling him shiver beside him, James quickly rubbing his hands up and down Q’s arms trying to warm him up. “Come on, let’s get you inside.” 

Q climbed to a stand feeling his legs wobble with cold ache. “My telescope. I can’t leave it out here all night, the lens will go foggy with the dewpoint.” 

“I’ll bring it in,” James reached down grabbing the damp blanket, let’s just get you inside first. Q nodded, having to acknowledge that he was colder then he realized. “You need something warm to drink.”

“Teeeeaaaa,” Q said as his teeth now starting to chatter, walking with stiff cold legs towards the door.

James snickered, “I was thinking a shot of whiskey to warm you up quickly, but tea works too.” 

“Yooouuu, can haaave the whiskskskey, I wannnt the teaaa.” Q chattered again, making James laugh. 

Q immediately grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch when he got through the door, irritating Eleanor as he did so. Wrapping it around himself he headed to the kitchen to heat up the kettle, while James heading back out for the telescope. 

When James came in, he found Q curled up in the corner of the couch like a human pretzel, blanket wrapped around his shoulders, tea mug in his hand. “Warmer?” 

“Mmm,” Q nodded, taking another sip.

James came to sit down beside him, thinking this was a perfect excuse to snog his boyfriend again, but before he could even get settled, Eleanor had lept up beside him and was climbing into his lap, no way she was letting her boyfriend sit on the couch without her. “Really?” James looked at the cat, and then at Q. 

Q just shrugged his shoulders and took another sip of tea. “She has a crush on you.” 

James rolled his eyes and sighed, “well this wasn’t quite what I had in mind.” Then reaching down he scruffed Ellie aggressively making her stretch and roll in his lap. James could tell Q was tired and edgy, all night they had been dancing around boundaries, and while honestly the only thing James really wanted to do was stretch Q out below him on the couch and slowly wreck him, James knew he couldn’t. They’d pushed the boundaries far enough tonight already. 

Finishing his tea, Q leaned forward to set the mug on the table, uncurling himself from the corner of the couch. He was exhausted and it had been a very long day of emotional negotiation. “Do you want to run with me tomorrow?” Q asked as he climbed from the couch, he needed to bring this to a close.

Bond looked at him in surprise, his hands still buried in Ellie’s fluffy tummy fur, “why? Do we have more problems to solve?”

“No, just an invitation,” Q smiled. 

“Mmm, I think I’ll pass, but thank you for the invitation. Time to say good night then?” James said making it barely a question but a question none the less. He knew he had to give Q the out, as much as he didn’t want to offer it. 

“Mmmmm,” Q nodded hesitantly, “yes, I guess it is goodnight then.” He turned and took a step towards the hall before turning back debating about saying something more, opening his mouth, then closing it, hesitantly turning away again. 

“Q?” James had shifted Ellie, standing quickly behind him, reaching for his hand. 

He turned, his fingers immediately sliding into James’ palm. “Yes?” 

James didn’t say anything more, he just pulled his arm back tugging Q to him, until he could wrap his arms around him, one hand sliding up Q’s back until his fingers found the nape of his neck and drew him in, his mouth finding Q’s one more time. The feel of Q’s breath against his lips in a nervous exhale, made James press even closer, the gentle swipe of his tongue against the pillow of Q’s bottom lip, the suck of his mouth pulling Q’s bottom lip between his own, the tip of his tongue now sliding across the top to press between Q’s teeth, opening his mouth to James warm assault. He felt Q give way, his body relaxing in his arms, his mouth pliant and easy as James kissed him, his tongue tapping lightly against the roof of Q’s mouth making Q softly suck back, a low rumbled moan vibrating in his throat. 

James once again fought the urge to escalate this. He could tell that Q would follow his lead this time if he pushed him, from the way Q was responding. But he really really didn’t want Q to regret this and with great effort James slowed the kiss, pulling back, retreating to a smaller, gentler kiss, before closing his mouth, a last easy press of his lips to Q’s now very warm blood red lips. 

“Sorry,” James heaved, resting his head immediately on Q’s shoulder feeling Q’s chest pant with desire against his own. “But I couldn’t resist one last goodnight kiss.” Q didn’t reply, his hands loose on James’ waist he dropped his head to James’ shoulder as they both stood there, holding onto one another. And then suddenly James stood upright, his hands on Q’s shoulders as he pushed him back a step and turned him around towards the hall. “Goodnight Q,” James said with some effort, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Q nodded somewhat dumbly and turned to go. “Goodnight…” he hummed to himself and made his feet head towards his own bedroom. “Tomorrow.” 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: Bloody hell. I cannot believe I said goodnight and walked away after that kiss. I’m an absolute idiot. 

~~~


	13. Hesitation

Chapter 13: Hesitation

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Quartermaster files closed and password secured. 

~~~

Q appeared in the doorway to the guest room where James was pulling back the duvet on the bed twenty minutes later. “James, I know we already said goodnight… but my bed is more comfortable,” Q paused a bit awkwardly and then quickly added before turning around to walk out, “if you wanted to join me instead of sleeping in here.” 

Bond watched Q’s bare back disappear down the hall, wearing only Bond’s pyjamas slung low over hips, the dimples on his lower back flexing as he walked, the mole on Q’s hip that James was very fond of just peaking above the waist band. 

James paused replaying Q’s words, clearly an invitation, but an invitation to what exactly? Things still felt very fragile between them and James worried that the goodnight kiss he had pulled Q into may have been too much. Joining Q in his bedroom might be a very bad idea given their conversation about taking things slowly this afternoon and evening. But something seemed to have changed Q’s mind and Bond was certainly curious. 

Q climbed back into his bed quickly, his heart beating rapidly in his chest as he tried to stay calm. Climbing into bed the first time, after that goodnight kiss in the living room, Q had lain there thinking of nothing but James and how badly he wanted to be in the same space. His impetuous decision to go down the hall was now making Q feel nauseous especially when he hadn’t heard James follow him and he actually had to consider that maybe James would turn him down. After all James had been the one in the living room to turn Q around and say, “tomorrow.” Q reached, turning off the light before his head hit the pillow. If James didn’t come, Q wanted darkness to hide his disappointment. 

It took several minutes before Q could sense James was in the room and he swallowed hard when he felt the other side of the mattress sink under James’ weight, both cats suddenly on the move to find new spots to sleep. Q didn’t turn to face him. The last and only time Q had shared a bed with James he had taken control, an absolutely false sense of bravado driving him to act, but now he felt nothing but absolutely vulnerable. He could feel James behind him but James made no move to get closer, eventually only his voice broke the distance between them. 

“Q?... Are you still awake?” James said quietly.

“Yes,” Q squeezed his eyes shut in frustration at how small his voice sounded.

James chuckled. “Okay, well I’m just going to lie quietly on my side of the bed and pretend to go to sleep, unless you had other plans.” He desperately wanted this to be easy between them, but suddenly nothing was feeling easy. 

“I hadn’t really thought it through when I came down the hall,” Q answered honestly with a sigh. “I just didn’t like the idea of you down there, and me down here, not after the way you kissed me goodnight. Not now that we…” Twisting his shoulder he looked briefly back at James who was propped up on one elbow on his side looking at Q’s side of the bed, his eyes silver blue in the moonlight, before Q turned back on his side away from James again, suddenly very shy, not finishing his sentence. 

James smiled as he watched the younger man try to find his courage. While the quartermaster of MI6 was the master of his domain in London; confident, cocky, calm and always in control this wasn’t MI6, and this wasn’t London and this wasn’t at all the same. 

This was new for them, this time, like this. This wasn’t about the false courage of one lust fueled night, or even the quick passionate intensity of that goodnight kiss. This was about discovering each other, about being honest and trusting each other with their bodies and with their emotions. And maybe, James decided, they just needed to start with a touch. Q had pulled the duvet up over his shoulders, curled in on himself, so Bond reached below the covers and lightly put his hand against Q’s back, his fingers trailing softly along Q’s ribs. He felt Q tense briefly in surprise, then grow soft, his shoulder blade gently relaxing into James’ palm. 

“Q…Can we start over?” James caressed Q’s shoulder gently. He felt Q take a deep breath, but he didn’t answer. “Q?” James tried again.

Q quickly nodded when James prompted him the second time, but still didn’t turn to James. Instead he reached back with one hand searching for James’ arm to squeeze uneasily as he nearly whispered, James barely able to hear him, “But I don’t know how to do this James. It’s been a long time…” 

“Could we start with you just rolling my direction?” James suggested quietly. The waves of vulnerability were rolling off of Q and even if all it meant was Q slept beside him, James wanted him close, feeling a surge of protectiveness for the man who still lay quietly facing the wall. 

Slowly Q responded, feeling James’ hand stay on his skin as he rolled onto his back, James’ hand stopping on his chest, over his heart, which now thumped quickly. Q peered from the darkness up to James’ face, which was still in the moonlight, his own face deep in shadow as he saw James try to read his expression. He reached up and covered James’ hand with his own, stroking his fingers slowly, seeking reassurance. 

James licked his lower lip in anticipation and slowly brought his mouth to Q’s kissing him softly this time, dropping lower, his hand now sliding all the way around Q’s chest as he leaned in gently to hold their mouths together, gently pulling Q’s lower lip between his own but this time not pushing for entrance. Q’s hands nervously slid up James’ shoulders to hold him as he responded to James. 

“Is this okay?” James breathed against Q’s ear as he kissed his way along his jawline. “Are you okay?... Tell me you are okay.” 

Q nodded, “I’m okay,” he murmured, feeling James’ cheek brush against his own before finding his mouth again. 

James let Q respond as he leaned over him, keeping the pace between them slow and easy, gentle kisses to corners of mouths, cheeks, temples, small licks across bottom lips, noses brushing softly, hands cautiously caressing, not wandering far as they learned each other again very slowly in a very different way. Hovering quietly over Q’s mouth, James’ let their breath mingle together as they shared the air between them, feeling Q relax below him.

But then Q tilted his chin up, lifting to kiss the man above him a bit more desperately, before falling again to the bed waiting for James to follow him down. 

And James did. He met him as his head sunk into the pillow with a deeper kiss. Their tongues now dancing as Q gave way, letting James take the lead again, Q encouraging him, a quiet low moan of desire rumbling in Q’s throat that shot adrenaline through James, increasing the intensity between them yet again. Their chests pressed together, Q exhaled feeling himself sink even deeper into the mattress, James’ weight pressing him down. Q was falling as the heady kiss sucked even more air from his chest and he grew dizzy and went quiet as James grew more eager. “Tell me what you want,” James said, pulling back as he nipped at Q’s earlobe with his teeth, feeling Q take a deep breath refilling his lungs as James retreated.

Q sighed, “I want everything.” Laughing a little nervously in response. 

Bond smiled, happy to hear Q laugh to hopefully release a bit of the nervous tension he could still feel in Q’s body. “Mmm,” James leaned down to nibble on the muscles in Q’s neck, “Everything hmm? Not sure we can do all of that tonight.” He looked down intently at Q’s face wishing he could see him more clearly in the dark of the room. Pushing to his elbows, James forced himself to pause, “we can truly take this slowly Q, I was serious when I told you I want to be in this for the long term, not just for tonight, or tomorrow, or the next day.” 

Q answered quietly, “I know, I know… slow is good I think… slow is better.” But then he rather boldly slid one hand down the length of James’ bare back and grabbed his arse through his pyjama bottoms. “But please not too slow, I’ve been fantasizing about this for fucking weeks.” 

Bond laughed deeply, there was a hint of his more confident quartermaster. As James rolled closer, Q shifted his legs to let James ease between them, settling between Q’s thighs as he lay over him, propped on his elbows, now nose to nose. “Whatever you want Q. Really.” 

“I want you to convince me that this is all going to be okay,” Q said quietly, leaning up to kiss James. “I want to feel connected. I don’t want to feel…” he paused.

“You don’t want to feel what?” James asked as he felt Q wrap his arms around his back pulling himself up against him, chest to chest. 

“I don’t want to feel alone anymore,” Q murmured. He let his back fall to the bed again, his mouth still soft against James’ neck, as he pulled him down with him. 

But James pushed up with his arms to break Q’s caress, the words Q said sending a pang through James’ heart at the idea of Q ever feeling alone. Straightening his elbows, James arched his back to look down even more intently, letting the sea of tranquility moonlight filter between their bodies so he could see Q’s face. 

The result however also caused James’ hips to settle lower, brushing his groin against Q’s making Q catch his breath in a rush, which made James smile as he saw the look on Q’s face change, desire lighting up his eyes. “I don’t think one night of sex is going to accomplish all of those things,” he offered light heartedly, even if he really wanted to have a very different conversation, given the insights he had about Q’s past relationships from Eve earlier in the day. 

Q sighed and then laughed quietly again, “but don’t you think a night of really fantastic sex could go a long way to getting started?” 

James smiled, “I’m all for the sex… really…” he could see Q’s eyes grow wary, questioning.

“But…” Q added trying to prompt him to continue. 

James studied him staying quiet for a very long moment and then he frowned. 

“James?” Q looked up confused, “What is it? Why are you frowning?” 

James shifted his shoulders up and down, closing his eyes. “Bloody felines,” he murmured. 

Q started to laugh, “did Eleanor just climb on your back?” 

“Yes, and Penelope is now sitting on my arse.” 

Bond shifted suddenly to the side to dislodge both cats from his back making them scatter quickly from the bed. “Oh no, you both come back here. No hiding under the wardrobe.” James was quickly on his knees reaching underneath grabbing for paws that were now armed and dangerous. He got his hands around Eleanor and hauled her out, while Penelope darted between his legs heading for the door. “Good, keep going!” he shouted at her before standing with an irascible gray tabby in outstretched arms who was trying to get her back feet hooked over his elbows. “You too,” he strode to the door, tossing her into the hall before quickly closing it behind him. He turned to see Q perched on one elbow watching him, a grin on his face, his hair already spinning wildly on top of his head. “Now where were we?” Bond smiled with a sexy grin. 

“You were hesitating,” Q answered honestly, his grin fading away. 

“No, it wasn’t hesitation.” Bond shook his head as he walked back towards the bed, “I was just taking a moment to let this sink in, and to remember this feeling, because once we move forward this moment will be gone. It’s rare for me to see you vulnerable like this.” 

Q frowned, “no one likes to feel vulnerable.” 

James reached the side of the bed and knelt beside it, even with Q’s chest. “But you have to be vulnerable to let someone else in.” He looked at Q, the moonlight streaming over the bed, and Q no longer in shadow. James ran his hand through the long locks that lay over Q’s forehead brushing them back so he could see all of Q’s face. Q looked at him, the frown still there before James leaned down to kiss the corner of his downturned mouth. “I like you like this.”

“Unsure and insecure? I don’t.” Q huffed. “I hate this feeling.” 

“Being vulnerable doesn’t have to feel insecure if you know there is someone there to support you, who won’t hurt you. You wanted me to convince you that this was all going to be okay, like we are connected,” James kissed him again, his hands drifting over Q’s skin, down his arms, linking their fingers briefly together before letting go and sliding to his ribs, down the hollow of his stomach, sliding into the waistband of his pyjamas to finally stop, his palm on the flat of Q’s hipbone, his fingers sliding around his hip to caress the soft skin just near the small of his back as he felt Q respond, turning into his hand, an inhale making his chest rise. “I can make you feel that way without sex Q.” 

Q squirmed, his hand finding James’ forearm, wrapping his fingers around it. “But you just put your hand down my pants James. How is that not a precursor to sex?”

James laughed, tightening his grip on Q’s hip, “Oh I didn’t say I wasn’t considering sex.” He leaned down to kiss Q again, “I’m just saying we don’t need sex to feel connected.” 

“So… we are shagging tonight?” Q let go of James’ arm and reached out, the flat of his palm landing against Bond’s chest, fingertips brushing across his skin. “Just to clarify?”

“If that is what you want.” James smiled, his fingers sliding back around Q’s hip to quickly stroke Q’s cock making him tense, a huff of air escaping his mouth in suprise. James just as quickly let him go, his hand sliding back up Q’s stomach and around to the bed between his ribs and arm as James eased himself back onto the mattress, straddling Q’s hips trapped now under the blankets. “Is that really what you want?” 

Q went quiet for a long moment his brain offline thanks to James’ quick grope and release. He tried to actually think about it, “I…”

“You?” Bond laughed. 

“I think…”

“You think?” Bond smiled, encouraging him. 

“… we…”

“…we…?” 

“Will you stop doing that please,” Q rolled his eyes, the base of his palms pressing against Bond’s shoulders as Bond hovered over him. 

“What?”

“Stop trying to anticipate my next word.” Q scowled at him.

“Sorry, finish your thought.” James tried to school his face, rolling onto his side and off of Q, giving him more space and freedom to move. 

Q rolled quickly onto his hip to face James, his head propped onto his folded arm, “I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but I think we should wait.” 

“So do I.” James answered before Q even finished.

“You do?” Q lifted his head off his arm in surprise. 

“Your too conflicted.” Bond ran his hand over Q’s shoulder and down his arm to take his free hand in his. “But don’t think I don’t want you, because I do. I’ll shag you right now if you really want me too, not sure my cock can actually get much harder. But this isn’t about lust this time Q.” 

Q smiled, his eyes narrowing as the smile reached his cheeks. He started to laugh. 

“You think that’s funny?” Bond raised his eyebrows. 

Q quieted his laughter to a closed mouth giggle, “no, not funny.” He let go of James’ hand and rolled onto his back, looking up at the ceiling before glancing back over at James, “just unexpected.”

James smiled, “why unexpected? I’m the one who’s been saying we should take it slow.” 

“Yes, but you are James, “I shag every pretty thing that looks my way”, Bond. I’ve rarely seen you pass up the opportunity for sex.” Q snickered. 

“Mission sex doesn’t count. That’s only about the moment and the rush of endorphins that come with an orgasm, and like I said, I’m about as hard as I can get, so if you really want it, I’m happy to oblige.” 

“I’ve had enough endorphins today,” Q said quietly.

Bond raised his eyebrows, “really? Have you been wanking without me?” 

“NO!” Q blushed. “Running. The endorphins I get from running.” 

“Ah. Well I’ve been wanking without you, just so you are aware.” Bond snickered. 

“I hope you’ve been thinking about me while you are doing it,” Q turned his head sideways to look at Bond, his hands resting on his chest.

James smiled, “I don’t think I really have to answer that do I?”

“No,” Q smiled, “you don’t.” 

“Come here.” James opened his arms and stretched one out encouraging Q to slide over and into them. Q moved over, his face buried in James’ neck as he settled closer, his arm sliding around James’ waist. “This is enough for now.” 

“ButIdoookinndaalikeitwhennyoouuputyourhannddownmypantss.” Q murmured into James’ neck and shoulder. 

“What?” Bond asked.

“Nothing,” Q said raising his head briefly. 

Silence, then five seconds later, “did you say ‘you do kind of like it when I put my hand down your pants’?” Bond laughed figuring it out. 

Q slid his hand down the back of James’ pyjamas and squeezed a cheek making Bond flex his arse. “I’m not saying it again.” 

James snickered, “well you can certainly keep yours down mine if you like.” 

“I just might,” Q squeezed again, then added, “James?”

“Hmm?” he nuzzled into the soft dark hair that brushed his chin. 

“What happened to the stitches in your arm?” Q hadn’t said anything earlier, he hated that he could still see evidence on James’ body of what had happened in Croatia. 

“I took them out?” he answered quickly.

“YOU took them out?” Q asked incredulously. 

“Yes, after I tore them wrestling with you the other night there was no reason to leave them in.”

“How did you take them out?” Q was always a bit squeamish about blood.

“Cuticle scissors and a tweezers.” Bond was gently stroking his knuckles over Q’s bare shoulder, enjoying the fact that Q still had his hand on his arse while they were having this conversation, apparently he really was going to leave his hand down James’ pants. 

“And the ones on your thigh?” 

“How did you know about those? You haven’t seen me out of my trousers since I got here, unless you’ve been spying on me.” Bond laughed. 

“I saw your medical report.” Q said calmly. 

“Ah,” Bond stopped laughing. He could only imagine what it had said and how Q had initially responded to it. 

“Are you really okay?” Q raised his head up to look at James. 

“I’m really okay.” Bond promised him, leaning down to place a kiss to his lips. 

“Your ribs?” Q put his head back on James’ shoulder. “This doesn’t hurt to have me close like this?” 

“Not a bit,” James answered truthfully. 

“Sex wouldn’t be a problem?” Q asked quietly. 

James smiled as he looked up to the ceiling, squeezing Q’s shoulder, “Are you reconsidering whether you want to shag tonight Q?” 

Q didn’t actually answer the question when he replied, “I just wanted to make sure.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine, and since you still have your hand down the back of my pants, I just wanted to clarify that tomorrow I’m taking yours off. I think I can only go so slow.” James smiled, kissing Q’s temple.

In the quiet that now settled between them Q could hear the scuffling in the hallway outside the bedroom door, and then they both heard the mews and meows start. 

“Should we let them back in?” Bond asked. 

Q squeezed Bond’s ass one more time and then rolled out of his arms, “yes, or they’ll just keep meowing.” Climbing from the bed he opened the door to let them both in, Penelope darting in quickly. Eleanor was more cautious until she spotted her boyfriend and then leapt for the bed, immediately curling herself around his neck. “And once again, she takes my spot.” Q lamented. 

“Oh no she didn’t,” Bond grabbed Ellie and lifted her over his shoulder to set her behind him. She can sleep on this side of me, the front is for you if you want it. 

“I do,” Q smiled as he climbed in and turned backwards to tuck his back to James’ chest, more careful about James’ ribs then he needed to be. James brought his legs in closer behind Q, wrapping one arm around Q’s ribs, his hand slipping just inside the top of Q’s pyjama bottoms, which were actually Bond’s, making Bond think he had every right to rest his hand there. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: Please don’t break my heart James. I’ve lost it to you, against my best efforts to protect it, and now it’s yours. 

~~~


	14. Don't stop... STOP!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter this time... time to go back to London.

Chapter 14: Don’t stop…STOP!

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Quartermaster files reopened. Entry forthcoming when size of problem determined and evaluated. 

~~~  
Q woke early to the feel of James’ lips on the nape of his neck, his teeth grazing his skin, and his hand sliding over his bare hip, fingers trailing into the fine thatch of hair that thickened around Q’s cock. “Mmm, please tell me I’m not just dreaming this again,” Q hummed.

A warm chuckle and then the gentle graze of teeth behind his ear. “Not a dream,” James whispered, “but I like knowing you’ve apparently had this dream before.” He flexed his fingers around Q’s rapidly rising erection, “tell me this is okay.” 

“Mmm yes, it’s more than okay.” Q smiled, pressing his hips forward into James’ hand, and his neck backwards into James’ lips as he arched his body. 

“Good… are we still claiming we are taking things slowly? Last night I did suggest we shouldn’t rush this.” he heard James say before he felt him bite down on his earlobe, brushing his stubbled cheek against Q’s slender neck, as his hands suddenly worked with much more purpose, making Q groan with delight. “Because I think I take back what I said last night, I really don’t want to go slow this morning.” James pressed closer behind him. “But please really be awake Q, don’t let this be a hazy start.”

“I’m awake, I swear I’m completely awake,” Q moaned, “screw going slow, that was a stupid idea. Don’t you dare stop.” Then Q’s mobile went off with a load series of staccato buzzes and his eyes flew open. “Oh shit! Stop, stop, STOP!” Suddenly he was pulling to get out of Bond’s embrace, reaching for James wrist to pull his hand back out of his pants. 

“Q!” James let him go in frustration falling to his back on the mattress, his hands coming to cover his face, he could smell Q on his skin. “Fuck!”

Q scrambled for his phone checking the message mumbling “bugger, bugger, shit!” and then rapidly calling Eve. “I’m here, what’s happened.”

Eve didn’t have time for much other then to say, “I’m really sorry Q, I hope you and Bond have kissed and made up, I need you back in London. We’ve just intercepted a verified message of an expected massive computer terrorism attack on the security files. We need you.”

“This better be serious,” Bond huffed, unable to hear Eve as he rolled to his side reaching for Q’s hip as he sat back down on the side of the bed. 

Q swatted his hand at James and stood up again, balancing his phone on his shoulder as he pulled off Bond’s pyjama bottoms, quickly reaching for his trousers to shimmy back into them, pointing at the door. “James, get your stuff,” Q loudly whispered. 

“Well shit,” James groaned, “I guess it’s serious.” He climbed from his side of the bed and headed for the spare bedroom to grab his things. 

Eve paused, “Q, it’s 5:30 in the morning, did you just tell James to get his stuff? Are you two in bed together?”

Q huffed, “we WERE, but we are NOT anymore. Thanks Eve.”

“Sorry sweetie, hope it was good last night to make up for the chaos I just started in your life.”

“We didn’t, we were just about to… oh bugger that, never mind. I’ll be back to London in three hours.” Q hit end on the call and started throwing things into his suitcases. Grateful that James was here with the Aston, at least he wouldn’t be delayed by the train schedules. 

Cat supplies tossed into a duffle bag, refrigerator contents thrown into a garbage bag and taken outside it was less then fifteen minutes and Q was just about ready to go. “Help me catch Eleanor,” he called for Bond. Normally Eleanor was the easy one, sedate, slow and affectionate, but when people moved too fast she went into hiding and as James came into the living room he rolled his eyes at the sight. Q, bent over on his hands and knees, arse in the air was trying to retrieve Eleanor from under the DVD bookcase. “Damn it Eleanor, get out here.” 

Bond sighed, knelt down next to Q, running his hand regretfully over Q’s haunches and down his hip as he settled next to him, making Q jump in response. “Here let me,” he said. Then he leaned over and clicked his fingers, making little noises with his mouth, and saying quietly, “come here Ellie, come here girl.” And out she came, because James was her boyfriend and she would do anything for him. 

James scooped her up and handed her to Q who stuffed her in her cat carrier. “Damn cat, I’m just going to let her live with you from now on.” Q rolled his eyes at James as he headed for the car to deposit the carrier with Penelope. Then one last check to turn off the fuse box and shut off the water, as Bond waited for him by the car. “Okay let’s go.”

“Wait,” James paused reaching for Q’s shoulder. 

Q shrugged him off, “we don’t have time to wait.”

“Two minutes more won’t make a difference Q, please.” 

“What is it?” Q had put his tech modified glasses back on to wear in the car, his laptop already virtually connected so he could multi task while they drove. 

James turned him to lean against the car door, taking his glasses back off, then wrapped his arms around Q as he stepped close, pressed length to length, and eased in for a lengthy, toe curling, hair messing, breath taking kiss. “Promise me that you and I will come back here to finish what we started,” James pressed his mouth to Q’s ear, his voice harsh and barely contained. 

“I promise,” Q heaved, his emotions now right at the surface. 

“I expect when we get back, I’m not going to see you for a while, I wish we had more time.” James lamented. 

“We’ll figure it out, remember, you were going to convince me that this is all okay,” Q smiled. “And you promised you could make us feel connected, even without the sex. This will be your first chance to prove that.”

James sighed and chewed on his bottom lip, “Yes, but I was really looking forward to the sex.” Q laughed and blushed making Bond smirk. “One more kiss,” he said, “it will have to tide me over.” Then James pulled him close again, snogging Q’s breath away, and when he finally let him up for air James leaned in and snapped a bite to the skin below Q’s ear. 

“OW!” Q startled, his hand immediately coming to his neck, “Bloody hell! You didn’t!”

Bond stepped back, a half smile and then a wink before tossing the keys in the air and stepping to his side of the car. “I did.” 

“But I didn’t…” Q was stammering.

“I know, I did it for Eve.” Bond interrupted him. “Wanted her to have proof.” 

“But we didn’t…” Q was still stammering.

“Get in the car Q.” James climbed in and started the engine, looking back at the amber eyes that were peering at him through the cat carrier doors, “time to go back to London ladies.” 

“Damn it 007!” Q climbed in, adjusting his glasses with one hand, his other hand still on his neck. “I swear, I’m biting you back as soon as I get the opportunity.” 

“Promises, promises,” James smiled, “I look forward to it Q.”  
~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: Eve has the absolute worst timing. Bloody hell. 

~~~


	15. Very long day...and night...and day.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has also had working titles that include:
> 
> How to feed your quartermaster  
> Sleep is for slackers, now leave me alone  
> Dopamine is overrated
> 
> (You can pick your favorite)

Chapter 15: Very long day... and night... and day 

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: MI6 secure files under cyber attack. Appears to have been launched from Belarus. Expect prolonged effort to determine how this was instigated and what files they were targeting. Seem to have been focused on files related to double 0 agents and personnel files of Q branch. As follow up, reevaluate internal safety protocols and vetting to make sure no one in Q branch involved, although appears to be unique Russian code structure that I’ve encountered before. 

~~~

Q worked without speaking to Bond all the way back to London. It wasn’t that Q was silent, Q spoke, but it was only to himself and every other word was profanity, a constant murmur of “bugger, bugger, bloody hell, how did they… shit, buggering, fuck.” Bond knew better then to interrupt, driving as quickly as he could, but couldn’t help the half smirk and private laugh as he listened to Q and watched him out of his peripheral vision. About to turn right to head to Q’s flat, Q’s head quickly came up to look and then whipped sideways to Bond, “No, go straight to MI6.”

Bond was surprised. He didn’t think Q had been paying any attention to where they were. “But the cats? Shouldn’t we drop them off?”

“No. They can be in the lab. I have extra supplies for them there.”

Bond did a quick u-turn and headed straight to downtown. It was clear Q didn’t anticipate going home anytime soon as he turned his attention back to the laptop balanced on his knees. He was intensely serious, his jaw set, mouth a tight line of focus, as he leaned even closer to his computer screen studying the code that was whipping past on the screen. 

~~~

Twenty hours later and Q hadn’t moved from his computer workstation, his staff whom he had sent home last night now coming back into work as the clock struck 8 a.m. He had Riley working just as quickly right beside him, and several other members of his team working on different angles as they reinforced firewalls, searched code for viruses, chased down breaches and then circled back around to start again. The cyber attack was a Trojan horse, and after what had happened with Silva, Q was determined to never again let his computer systems fail. 

Eve stood with Bond watching from the doorway, seeing Q rub his eyes and shake his head, his hair more floppy then normal as he brushed it from his forehead with the palm of his hand, barely breaking the speed of his coding. Eve also noticed the occasional brush of Q’s fingers over the bite mark on his neck when he got frustrated at a problem and needed a quick diversion. She smirked at Bond, looking at him sideways but Bond just raised his eyebrows and smiled in return. A few more minutes and Q was rubbing his eyes yet again. “He needs a break,” Eve murmured to Bond, 

“Yes…” Bond nodded, sliding one hand into the pocket of his trousers as he leaned his shoulder against the doorframe, “he does.”

“But he’s not going to get one is he?” Eve sighed. 

“I’m trying to figure out how to get some food into him without him realizing it. I keep replacing the tea at his elbow whenever he actually drinks it. But he hasn’t eaten since yesterday morning,” Bond twisted his mouth sideways. 

“Awe,” Eve hummed, “you’re feeding him up, just like a good boyfriend.”

“I’m what?” Bond looked at her with a sideways glance and a critical eye.

“Feeding him up.” Eve smiled. 

Bond smirked, he thought back over the last several days, feeding him up, had definitely been a significant part of what he’d done. “Mmm, well someone has to, or he’d never eat anything but toast.” He turned to look at Eve, “you don’t, by any chance, have any black currant jam in your office break room do you?” 

“Maybe, I’ll go look.” 

~~~

Bond came up behind Q. 

“Not now Bond.” Q clipped before he could even say a word.

“I knew those tech glasses let you see who’s behind you.” Bond smirked.

Q continued, “regardless, not now.”

Bond stepped closer and leaned in over Q’s shoulder to whisper in his ear, still observing a modicum of professional distance, Q’s eyes not moving from the digital screen projecting in front of him. “Everyone else has taken a break, including R, and she reassures me that the worst is done and that now it’s clean up. You haven’t eaten in nearly twenty” he paused to look at his watch “one hours, you are running on caffeine and in case you haven’t noticed, it’s breakfast time, again. So you need to take a break too.”

“Not yet.”

“Yes, yet. If you don’t, I’m going to keep moving closer to you, until I can reach around and put my hands in your front pockets, and suck on your neck in front of everyone to leave another mark.” 

Q turned his chin just a bit to look sideways at Bond, a frown on his face. 

“Don’t dare me to do it. Because you know I will,” Bond answered. 

“Fine,” Q spat. His fingers clicking loudly against the keyboard to finish his code, banging the last few hard just to make a point. He turned and walked away from his computer station towards his private office, his hand coming up to brush the bruise he could feel with his fingers. Bond pivoted on his heel, his hands in his pockets and a smug look on his face as he followed him, winking at Eve who smiled in return. 

Q sat down with a flumph at his desk, his head in his hands. He was exhausted. Bond shut the door behind him and locked it before he walked over to stand in front of Q’s chair. “Stand up!”

Q didn’t even look up. “Why the bloody hell would I stand up? You just told me I had to take a break.” 

“Yes, but I want you to stand up.” Bond said again as he took off his suit coat and tossed it on Q’s desk.

“No.” Q was beyond tired and that made him stroppy.

“Q.”

Q stood up, stomping his feet. But before he could get up enough gumption to make a verbal complaint he found himself wrapped in James’ arms, his mouth suddenly plundered. He fought it for about one second but then gave in completely, going almost limp against James. 

Bond slid his hands down Q’s back, over his arse to the back of his thighs, never breaking the kiss, and then lifted, spreading Q’s thighs as he brought Q’s waist to his own, Q wrapping his thighs around Bond’s hips easily. Two steps forward and Bond set Q on the edge of the desk, keeping him close as he broke the kiss, smiling at the sound of Q’s whimper before bending Q’s neck with his chin to get at his skin, kissing and nipping along the long line from his ear to his collarbone. 

“If I had known this was what happened during a break, I’d have taken one a long time ago,” Q groaned. 

“I know you aren’t done reinforcing the security systems yet, but you need an endorphin hit, and some food. I made you toast with black currant jam.” Bond was reaching for Q’s belt buckle, and the button on his trousers. 

Q was suddenly trying to get his hands in Bond’s way, “no, no, no.” He twisted his hips to get Bond to stop. “Not here.”

“Why not?” Bond looked up at him, he had dropped to one knee, intent to wrap his lips around Q’s cock.

“Because, orgasms make me sleepy, not energized. I need adrenaline, not dopamine. You and I don’t even have enough experience yet for you to know that about me, which is the second reason. I don’t want our first encounter to be you fellating me in my office James.” 

“Most people call it a blow job Q. And it’s not our first encounter. It’s actually our fourth?”

“Fourth?”

“Yes fourth, are you so tired you’ve either forgotten or can no longer count?” James teased him. “We fucked twice the night you showed up with pizza and then I sucked you off the next morning, so this would be the fourth. And given I’ve been trying to get back in your pants for the past month and with very specific intent for the past four days we are overdue.”

Q just looked at him, blinking, his mouth slightly open, before he sighed, closed his eyes in a long blink and said. “Those don’t count.”

“Why not?” James asked.

“Because…” but Q didn’t have a good reason that didn’t sound sappy and lovesick, so he didn’t say anything else. 

“Because?” James laughed. “I don’t think I imagined those Q.” 

“What happened to take it slow?” Q deflected. 

“Well yesterday, which feels like it was a damn week ago at this point, we seemed to be ready to finally speed things up. But fine,” James climbed back to a stand. “Slow it is. But at my age you can’t expect me to get on my knees that regularly, you better take advantage of it while I can still do it.” 

“I didn’t mean that slow,” Q smiled. “Come here and kiss me again, and where is the black currant jam?” 

Bond smiled and grabbed the plate of toast and jam sitting on top of the file cabinet. “Breakfast. Calories I know you’ll eat.” 

“When have I ever turned down anything you’ve offered me? I’m just lazy and toast is easy.” Q rolled his eyes and grabbed the jam jar, twisting off the lid. He stuck his finger directly into the jam and curling in came out with a big blob on his fingertip. “Come here.” 

Bond raised his eyebrows but did as he was told. 

“Stick out your tongue.” When he did, Q deposited the jam on the flat of James’ tongue and then leaned in to kiss him, sucking the jam from his tongue into his mouth. 

James pulled back, taking the jam jar from Q and scooping another finger full to slip deeper into his mouth. Q smiled, then leaned in to retrieve it, the snog growing deep quickly and for a prolonged amount of time. 

“You sure you don’t want an orgasm?” Bond whispered against his ear when they finally separated, “you’ve got me harder then a steel pipe.” He pushed his hips closer to Q, brushing against Q’s groin where he could feel Q’s erection tight in his trousers against his own. 

Q leaned back to catch his breath, “I do actually. I really do. But I have to finish this code first James. I won’t get it done if we do this now. I don’t need that much longer.” 

Bond stepped back and let out a slow deep breath, reaching down to adjust himself. “Right. Okay.” He looked at Q and knew Q would see the same look of lust in his eyes that he was seeing in the hazel ones that stared back at him. “We’ll wait.” 

Q grabbed the toast and took a big bite, calories were important and the jam alone wasn’t going to do it. Several more bites and he put down the crust, leaving it on the plate, brushing the crumbs off his trousers before reaching up to try to comb his fingers through his hair. “Do I look like you just snogged the life out of me?” 

He absolutely did, but Bond said “no.” Then reached up, after licking his thumb to collect a bit of jam that still sat on the corner of Q’s mouth. “You look fine.” 

“I need to go finish this. You really don’t have to wait James. I can call you when I’m done.”

“I’ll wait,” James said with a smile. “I don’t mind.” Then his smile grew even bigger when he saw the tips of Q’s ears go red with a blush. 

“Right.” Q stood up as James stepped back, and adjusted his shirt and trousers. Straightening his jumper as he always did. “Well then, I’ll just get back to work.” 

As Q opened the door he saw Eve peek around the corner, a curious smile stretching across her face. Q just closed his eyes and shook his head, he could tell from the look on her face that she probably knew exactly what had just happened in there, or at least what she thought had just happened in there. He turned back around and stepped back into his office catching Bond by surprise. 

“Q?” 

Q closed the door and marched back to James. He quickly ran his hand around James’ neck, and with the other pulled back the collar of his shirt undoing the top button before he leaned forward and put his mouth against the juncture of James’ neck and shoulder, a soft caress with his lips and tongue which made James go momentarily weak in the knees, his eyes rolling up, then Q opened wider, and bit him, sucking hard to draw blood to the surface of his skin before letting him go. He felt James flinch but he didn’t pull away, as a matter of fact James stepped into him, bringing himself closer, his hands settled onto Q’s lower back until Q finally let go and then gently licked over the small wound he had just left on James’ skin. 

“There, now we are even, Eve is outside, that’s for her.” Q murmured, lifting his head. 

He saw James swallow hard as he held his gaze, Q realizing James was actually bleeding as he glanced back down. “Apologies, you may need a plaster for that one. You may need to pop up to medical.” 

Q smirked as James started to laugh. “I’ll consider that. Now you really do have to go back to work or I’m going to lock the door again.” James said quietly and took his hands away from Q’s body, placing them on Q’s shoulders to turn him and push him towards the door. Once Q was gone, James finally reached up to feel the throbbing skin where Q had just marked him, smiling broadly as he pressed down against it. 

It would actually be another ten hours before Q felt like it was safe to call things to a close, which meant he’d been at this for almost exactly a full day and a half and his brain was about to shut down if he didn’t shut down the computer. Everyone else had already gone home again, but there was James, his head on his arms, propped on a desk as he slept, just out of the corner of Q’s eye. Q smiled, his heart panging at the realization that Bond had stayed the entire time, it meant a lot to Q, more then he really understood. 

When Q finally moved, James head came up, clear that he hadn’t been sleeping very deeply. “Done?” he asked, his voice rough and dry.

Q just nodded. 

James stood up and headed for Q, “come on, lets get you home before you fall down. I’ll get the cats.” 

Q just nodded. 

“Are you hungry? You haven’t eaten and it’s technically dinner time.” James asked him as he put the cat carriers in the car.

Q just shook his head no. 

“Right. Sleep first, food later,” James acknowledged.

Bond got everyone back to Q’s flat, the cat’s and Q all softly snoring in the car as they drove. Q stumbled to bed just as the sun was going down on the second day that he’d been awake, climbing in wearing all his clothes. James debated about undressing him, memories of peeling off Q’s black skinny jeans after he brought him home from the bar. But Q was already breathing heavily and James didn’t want to potentially wake him so he reached under the covers to at least take off his shoes. 

James stood in the doorway to Q’s bedroom, watching him sleep before going to let the girls out of their cages. He desperately wanted to climb into bed with his disheveled quartermaster, but standing there he realized they had never spent the night together here in Q’s flat. This felt like a step James couldn’t just take without Q’s consent. He turned back to the hallway, finding a throw blanket and a pillow as he considered the couch. He had snuck in more sleep then Q over the past two days and he wasn’t quite ready to close his eyes. Eleanor stood there looking at him expectantly. “All right, all right, it’s you and me on the couch tonight Ellie, but first lets find some food. Come on.” 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: Too exhausted to write coherently. Heading home with James, Eleanor and Penelope. 

~~~


	16. Human Resources

Chapter 16: Human Resources

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Efforts to complete all work related tasks have been hampered by required meeting with human resources and by constant distraction of double 0 agents, or at least one in particular. I am working with Riley to prioritize ongoing workflow given the amount of paperwork that has accumulated during my absence. Suggest to Tanner alternative electronic record keeping strategies. As head of Q branch and in charge of all electronic security, we still do way too much on paper. 

~~~

Q woke up to the early morning sun hitting him in the face. It was nearly seven a.m. and if Q could think back with any clarity he was pretty sure that meant he’d slept nearly twelve hours. He then realized he was alone and sat up in bed, his wrinkled clothes twisted around him looking for James. Climbing out of bed he headed for the kitchen, running his hands through his wild hair. That was when he spotted James sound asleep on the couch, Ellie asleep behind his knees. An open take away Chinese box on the coffee table and a bottle of whiskey it was clear that James had spent plenty of time last night alone in Q’s living room. Q’s heart panged again, realizing that once again James had stayed to look out for him. He stood watching James sleep for several minutes, having to admit that James had managed to work his way into his heart and while it worried him he tried to let go of his fears, willing himself to believe that being with James was the right choice. 

His first inclination was to wake James up, and Q took two steps towards the sleeping hulk of a man, but then he ran his tongue over his teeth realizing he felt like they were all wearing little fuzzy socks and he scrunched up his nose. A toothbrush and a quick shower were both imperatives before he did anything else. 

Standing in the shower, the hot water beating on his shoulders Q thought back over the last several days, and the role James had played in them. James had patiently waited while Q worked through his insecurities before they came back to London, he’d put up with his all his stroppy behaviour, he’d been a calm presence through all of Q’s long hours, and Q couldn’t help but smile and shake his head as he considered that James had also been a constant source of ongoing sexual energy that Q was now very eager to indulge. 

By the time he reemerged from the bathroom, with a towel wrapped around his hips James was awake and sitting up on the couch, his hand rubbing at the bite on his neck from Q. He was also on the phone. “Yes Tanner, I understand. We’ll both be in as soon as possible. Yes, I understand you’d like that to be an hour ago, but you do realize it’s not even 8:00 a.m. yet and Q was up nearly forty hours straight, protecting MI6’s security right?” 

Q stood in the doorway about to turn to go back to the bedroom to find clothes when James caught sight of him out of the corner of his eye. He stood quickly, walking towards Q as he continued to talk to Tanner. “Yes, well M can wait a bit longer…” 

Q assumed Bond wanted to get past him, but when Q turned to give way, James reached out with his arm and pressed it to the wall on one side of Q’s shoulder, then crowded him to the doorframe with his own body, smiling at him, even as he rolled his eyes, “Yes I understand. H.R. will be there too. We’ll be ready. Goodbye Tanner.” And then James hit “end call” and tossed his phone on the chair beside him, his other hand now trapping Q completely. “Good morning,” James smiled just before leaning in to kiss the nearly naked man in front of him. 

Q reached down with one hand to keep his towel on, the other coming to lay flat against Bond’s chest, keeping Bond only slightly at bay. “Good morning,” Q smiled when Bond ended the kiss, Q’s lips already warm and rosy red from Bond’s affections. “I was going to come surprise you, but it sounds like Tanner is insisting we go straight to work this morning.” 

“If the surprise was you wearing nothing but a towel, and then hopefully you wearing nothing at all,” James snickered as he reached down to tug on the cotton that Q was holding up, “then by all means, surprise me.” 

“We can’t, not now. We have to go.” Q shook his head reluctantly.

“Q…” James leaned in to nip at Q’s bottom lip before pressing a quick deep kiss to his mouth, “they can wait.” 

“But…”

“You just saved their entire security system…again. They can wait.” James tucked in closer to Q, wrapping one arm around Q’s naked lower back, pulling their hips close. 

“But, I owe M an explanation, I vanished and put them at risk, I…”

“They can wait.” James whispered one more time against Q’s ear before taking Q’s hand and tugging him along to the bedroom. “Bedroom okay?” he asked, “or did you plan to surprise me on the couch?”

Q smiled, “bedroom is better.” 

“I agree,” James smiled, “why don’t you lose that towel and climb back under that duvet. I’m going to take a shower as well and then…” he grinned wickedly when he saw Q’s entire chest flush just at his words, leaning in to kiss him again. “I’ll be quick, I promise.”

But when James came out of the bathroom, a quick dry with a towel, which he discarded, striding naked into the bedroom he was frustrated to find an empty bed. “Q?!!” he yelled out. 

“I’m in the kitchen,” Q yelled back.

“Are you NAKED in the kitchen?” James yelled in reply, and then got no reply in return. Instead he heard Q’s quiet stride coming down the hall. “I swear Q, you better NOT have clothes on.” 

“I don’t want quick,” Q said as he came in the door, dressed in a pale yellow shirt to match the pinstripe in his blue trousers. He was still barefoot. The sight of the naked man standing in his bedroom did however make him pause and turn away, a quick swallow to keep control of his voice. “I want long.” 

“What?” James stood there, his hands on his hips, full erection on display. He refused to hide from Q at this point. 

“I know we both want this, I do too…” Q said reading the frustrated look on Bond’s face. “I do! Really!! But we can’t spend all morning in bed James, I know you said they could wait, but they can’t wait that long. Not as long as I want to take. I don’t want this to be a quick tumble,” he finished keeping his eyes clearly above waist level or he knew he’d lose his resolve.

“A quick tumble?” James just closed his eyes and shook his head. “Who even says that?” 

“You know what I mean,” Q pursed his lips. “I want us to take our time, when we finally…” he paused, “you know.” He was surprisingly shy about this. He cleared his throat and ran his hands through his hair then smoothed down the front of his button down shirt before meeting Bond’s eyes with a calm look, ignoring the rest of the naked man still standing in front of him. “Now get dressed. I made…”

“You better say something more then toast.” James interrupted him, turning to reach for his pants and trousers. 

“… toast.” Q said quietly. Then answered with exasperation when James looked at him in disdain. “What? It’s all I had in the house, and even then there may have been a bit of penicillin growing on the bread.” 

“We will grab breakfast on the way.” James was angrily shoving one foot and then the other into his trousers. “I can’t believe we have to go have a conversation with Tanner and M about our sex life, when so far we don’t even have one.” 

“Tanner and M want to talk about our sex life?” Q was grabbing purple socks out of his bag and looking for his blue leather tie shoes. 

“Yes. Pretty sure that’s why they requested both of us. Sure would have been more fun if I was standing there next to you, knowing I had actually just fucked you.” James was angrily buttoning his shirt and searching his bag for a tie. Only reason he even had clean clothes was because they had gone straight to MI6 from Q’s country house and they both still had luggage in the car that Bond had brought in after Q fell asleep last night. 

Q ran his hand through his still damp hair, looking up at Bond from under his fringe apologetically. Bond stopped his tirade seeing Q looking more and more contrite. He didn’t want to make Q feel badly about this, he was just venting his own frustration. “Q…” he reached for his hand as Q turned away from him. “Q… it’s okay.”

“No, I apologize James. I haven’t made this easy for you this past week, and I completely understand why…” Q was nodding his head, looking at the floor, his voice had gone a bit gravely. 

“No, no! No apologies. I just…” 

Q looked up at him briefly. 

James reached for Q’s chin to lift his face, “I just want you so damn badly.” 

Q couldn’t help the shy smile that lit up his eyes, “I want you too.” 

James smiled as he sighed, holding Q’s gaze. Then he stood up straight, let out a loud huff of air and said, “we’ll find the right time. You are right. When we finally fall into bed, I don’t think I’ll want to get back out for a while.” He leaned forward to give Q a quick peck on the lips. Then as he turned to find his own shoes, he added, “all though I will remind you that the first time we fucked, we didn’t even let the pizza get cold. I know quick works for you, you know.” 

Q just giggled as he leaned over to tie his shoes. 

~~~

Eve looked up from her desk and had to stifle an outright laugh at the look on Q and 007s’ faces as they walked out of their meeting with Tanner and M. Q couldn’t have been more red, and Bond couldn’t have looked more nonchalantly irritated, shrugging off Tanner’s comment that followed them out of the room. “Q, I’ll see you later yeah?” He asked as he looked over Q’s shoulder and winked at Moneypenny.

Q just nodded, he was taking quick small steps, his arms held stiff at his sides as he tried to get out of Eve’s office as fast as he possibly could. He refused to make eye contact with Eve and it wasn’t until he was back in his office that he allowed himself to really take a breath. 

Eve pinged him on video chat nearly immediately, “you okay sweetie?” 

Q looked at the camera then leaned down and put his head on the desk. “That was the most humiliating thing I’ve ever had to do.”

“Why?” 

Q looked up, resting his head on his hands as he continued to lean forward on his desk, “I’m being written up with an official warning to go in my file because of my AWOL status. Bond and I had to sign official documents acknowledging that we are in a relationship, when I’m not even sure we really are, yet. I had to guarantee that I could still do my job and have oversight for Bond’s tech, equipment and safety and that I wouldn’t be compromised.” 

“None of that is a surprise Q,” Eve smiled. “It’s good that it’s official.”

“I don’t know Eve.” 

“You’ll be fine. I’m glad for both of you. Now when can we go have drinks? I want to hear about your days away and this mysterious house you own in the country.” 

Q smiled, “soon. But I don’t know when. I sort of promised James…”

“Next week. I’ll give you a few days to settle in.” Eve interrupted him to prevent a Q deflection. 

“Right. Next week.” Q said with a smile sitting up in his desk chair, straightening his tie and smoothing his jacket. “Thanks Eve…” he paused, “for everything.” 

Eve just smiled. She knew what he was talking about. “Anything for you my darling.” And then she clicked disconnect, Tanner standing at the front of her desk waiting for her. 

“Is he okay?” Tanner asked Eve as she looked up. 

“Maybe I should ask you that?” Eve said, “sounds like that was a difficult meeting.”

“Not really,” Tanner smirked. “You know. Bond being Bond. Q being Q. But it was endearing to hear Bond try to cover for Q until Q snapped at him and told him he could speak for himself. Q might be the only person I’ve ever met who might actually be able to keep 007 in line, and Bond is clearly smitten.” 

“Indeed,” Eve smiled knowingly. 

Tanner looked at her and raised an eyebrow, “Eve?”

“Yes sir,” she was looking down at her desk again shuffling paperwork for the next meeting. 

“Did you know Bond was bisexual?” 

Eve looked up at him innocently. 

“It wasn’t in his file,” Tanner added. 

“No sir, I didn’t.” She said with a straight face. 

“So you don’t know if he’s had other male relationships?” Tanner added. 

“Why? Are you interested?” Eve teased him. 

Tanner smirked, “my wife would hope I’d say no that question.” 

“That wasn’t a no,” Eve smirked back. 

Tanner just smiled and turned to go back to his office, leaving Eve to raise her eyebrows and shake her head. 

~~~

Bond stood in the doorway to Q’s office at 9 p.m., music he once again didn’t recognize playing loudly from Q’s computer. “Are you ever going to be done today?” He asked loudly to get Q’s attention. He was quickly drawing the conclusion that being in a relationship with Q was going to be a limitless test of his patience.

Q looked up. He had lost track of the time and when he glanced at the clock he grimaced, quickly turning down the music. “I had a lot to catch up on, and remember, I told you coming back to London was going to be a reality check.”

“Well let me see…” Bond fussed, “no sex while we were in the country, and no sex now that we are in London. I’m not seeing much difference actually.”

Q just scrunched his nose and shook his head at Bond, “funny,” he said sarcastically. “I’m really almost done. And I told you, you didn’t have to wait for me.” 

“I’m still on leave, and spent half my day in medical being tested and evaluated and they still say I’m not yet ready for the field by the way. So what else would I do but wait for you?”

Inwardly Q was enchanted knowing Bond would choose to stay close, even when he didn’t have to, but Q wasn’t about to let that show. He said sarcastically, “Oh I don’t know. All the things you used to do before you and I were shagging.” 

“Which we have failed spectacularly at actually doing,” Bond lamented. 

Q frowned having to acknowledge that James was right. He hit a few more key strokes to finish the email he was sending, closed the twelve windows of open projects that still needed review, did a cursory check on the 00 status of the other agents in the field and shut his computer, all in less then a minute. Then he shut his laptop, looked up at Bond and said serenely, “you are right. Let’s go to my place and correct that, shall we?” 

Bond’s eyes went wide, “really?” 

“Yes really.” Q stood up, pushing in his chair and smoothing the front of his jacket. “Take me home and shag me silly.” 

James beamed at him, then nodded and turned to make way for Q to pass through the door. “I swear the only thing I’m letting interrupt this evening is an attempt on the life of the queen herself.” 

Q just smiled, it was nice to know where he ranked in priority. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: I never ever want to have another meeting with human resources where I have to discuss my sex life. Still contemplating a recommendation to Tanner that we turn all files into electronic records. It makes deleting my human resources file much more difficult when it’s on actual paper, which does make me wonder if that is why they actually write things down. Bugger.

Speaking of my sex life. I’m going to go have one now. A sex life that is… sex. I’m going to go have sex… with James. Now. 

~~~


	17. Worth the Wait?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Real life got in the way the last few days and this chapter felt too important to rush. It's always been titled "worth the wait," and now I hope it's true for all of you as well. Hope it turns out that it was worth the wait as it's taken me a few extra days to get it polished. 
> 
> Enjoy  
> ~Lily

Chapter 17: Worth the Wait?

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Schedule meeting with Riley to discuss further delegation of high priority projects. May need to designate an “S” to follow behind “R” to guarantee all agents have proper coverage. Suspect my typical 80 hour work week is no longer feasible given new priorities in my schedule. 

~~~

Q thought he knew what really good sex was. He’d had several relationships, and he’d slept with a number of men. He wasn’t inexperienced. He even thought he knew what really good sex with James was, after all he had already experienced the tender side of James the morning after Q had taken charge and demanded sex be nothing but physical pleasure. But he was unprepared for what it would really mean to be the center of James Bond’s attention when it was clear that this time the emotional pleasure was going to be just as important as the physical. 

As soon as they left Q’s office James was a man on a mission, in constant contact with Q. His hand on the small of Q’s back as they headed for the parking garage, his fingers sliding over his shoulder as he opened the car door, leaning in for a kiss before Q bent to slide into the car seat, whispered affections pressed to his ear.

As they drove, Bond’s hand always on Q’s knee and then further up his thigh, moving only to shift the gears in the Aston, before finding his way back to Q’s leg, his fingers flexing one by one in a rhythm that sent tingles of electricity through Q making him swallow hard to still the rising sense of what was going to happen between them. Q finally brought his own hand to rest on top of Bond’s, stilling him, making James turn to look at him, a warm cocky smile on his face, his eyebrows going up knowingly as he beamed at Q, squeezing his thigh firmly before letting him go to once again shift the gears as they turned a corner. Q’s entire body was already warm with growing anticipation and James couldn’t help the chuckle that slipped out as he watched Q shift in his seat, loosening his tie and the top button of his shirt before opening the window an inch to get some cooler fresh air in the car. “Am I making you warm Q?” 

Q just shook his head, and rolled his eyes. “You don’t need me to feed your ego James.” Which made James laugh out loud and that made Q laugh in return. Bond’s big laughs always made Q laugh in response, the big hearted sound was infectious. 

Pulling into Q’s street James quickly parked and turned to Q, reaching over to unsnap his seat belt, “we are here.” He leaned over, his hand finding Q’s nape to pull him close, a warm kiss to his mouth, his tongue tracing Q’s bottom lip before pulling back, his eyes quickly finding Q’s to read his response. 

Q kissed him back, his eyes soft as James retreated. “Yes, we seem to have arrived,” he said quietly in response. They both could feel the energy, for James it was emboldening and he beamed at Q in anticipation, for Q however it was a bit unsettling and his eyes shifted nervously to his lap, a moment of nerves in response. 

James saw it, and quickly reached for his own seatbelt buckle, leaning over now to cup Q’s face in his hands, brushing another brief kiss to Q’s mouth, “you okay?” He asked, this was too important to not check as he watched Q work through his emotions. 

Q nodded, “I am.” Then he reached for James’ hands pulling them away as he turned in his seat to open the car door. “Come along James,” he said turning back quickly as he started to climb to a stand finding his confidence, “I believe you are supposed to shag me silly now.” 

James smiled, quickly climbing out of his side of the car and shutting the door meeting Q on the pavement, a boyish grin on his face as he reached for Q’s hand. And it was that little moment that actually brought the warmest smile to Q’s face as James slid his fingers so easily into Q’s and took a step to walk down the pavement to the front door. But Q didn’t immediately follow. Instead he paused as he looked down at their entwined hands and stared for just a moment, his feet glued to the pavement, recognizing this as a moment of true happiness, from nothing more then the ease with which James had reached for his hand. 

“Q?” James looked at Q when he tried to take a step forward and Q didn’t move. “Why are we stopping?” 

Q looked up, a sweet smile stretching across his face and just shook his head, “no reason.” Then leaned in and kissed James quickly before squeezing his fingers in their shared grip, stepping forward. “Come on,” he nodded. 

James smiled, he knew why Q had stopped and he felt a flood of warmth run through him in response, knowing that he made Q happy. 

Stopping on the front steps Q had to let go of James hand to deactivate the security system, his palm held to the scanner. James took the opportunity to step even closer, now invading Q’s physical space, his body nearly encircling him as Q opened the door to them both. The intensity only increasing as Q stepped through the door, James right behind him kicking it closed and pulling back on Q’s shoulders to bring his back flush with James’ front before Q could turn, his mouth immediately on Q’s neck, his breath in his ear. James hands slipped under Q’s arms and then down his lapels to undo the button that held his jacket closed, sliding it off his arms, before spinning Q to face him, his mouth pressed to Q’s in a kiss that James’ didn’t plan to end. James was done being patient and the easy warm flicker of flirtation in the car was now a flame and James intended to fan the fire.

Q was doing all he could to keep up as James propelled them towards the bedroom, trying to undress James as quickly as James was trying to undress him. Any hesitation or insecurity Q might have felt was gone, replaced with eager desire. Toeing off shoes along the way, the cats were under feet, two felines irritated that they didn’t get a proper hello. “Jmmmss” Q mumbled against James’ mouth trying to get him to stop. 

“Hmm?” James broke the kiss, only because he had further loosened Q’s necktie and instead of untying it all the way he pulled it up over Q’s head and tossed it on the floor where Penelope pounced on it. 

“Oi, that’s a silk tie, cat claws will ruin it.”

“I’ll buy you another one,” James was undoing the buttons on Q’s shirt as he continued to move them, Q walking awkwardly backwards, James’ once again chasing Q’s mouth with his own, sliding his hands into the open sides of Q’s shirt and tugging to untuck them from his trousers as he ran his hands around his ribs and across his bare back. Q stumbled, distracted by James’ touch so James reached down to lift him, his hands beneath his thighs as he wrapped Q’s legs around his waist. 

“Wait, wait, wait… we’ll be less likely to be disturbed if we feed the cats first.” Q reached out, his hand dragging on the wall to slow James down.

James stopped and rolled his eyes, sighing loudly, “Q.” 

“And I’ll last longer if I eat something too.” Q added. 

“I swear if you end up stalling this again,” Bond huffed.

“No, no,” Q leaned in, his arms wrapped around James’ neck, threading his fingers through his short blond hair, then tightening his thighs around James’ hips he eased himself up into a lusty kiss, his tongue slipping into James’ mouth to play for a moment before sliding back, “just trying to make sure we don’t have to leave the bedroom again.” His voice deep and thick with wanton desire. “I swear.” 

James studied Q’s face for a moment, the deep honeyed voice Q had just used had made James pause, a jolt of lust at the sound of it. Then he let out a slow breath and nodded declaratively. “Right. Definitely kitchen first…”making Q laugh in response.

James turned and carried Q into the other room, setting him on the counter. “You don’t move.” James let go of him, still standing between Q’s legs keeping him pinned in place and reached into the cupboard for the cat treats, dumping half the container on the floor as both cats came running.

“JAMES!” 

“Hush, they’ll be fine.” Then he reached into the same cupboard and grabbed the tin of tea biscuits, a bag of marshmallows, and a container of peanut butter, which was everything on the shelf. He handed them to Q. “Here, carry these.” Then he reached around Q and hauled him close again.

“Is this what we are having for dinner? Biscuits, marshmallows and peanut butter?” Q had one arm around James’ neck, the other cradling the odd assortment of food as he tightened his legs around James’ waist. 

“It is calories, and it will get you through for a while.” Then James paused at the liquor cabinet in the dining room. He set Q on the top of that cabinet as well and leaned down to open the lower level grabbing the vodka, and two bottles of seltzer. “Here,” he added them to the pile in Q’s arms. “Liquids.” 

Q just rolled his eyes. “You are kidding.” 

“We’ll order food later. Play along Q. My goal here is to get you to the bedroom and get your clothes off of you.” 

Q smiled, “that’s a good goal.” 

James reached around to pick up Q one more time his destination now the bedroom, but Q’s arms were full and he nearly dropped the vodka. 

“Right. Just stop!” Q rolled his eyes, “this is ridiculous, I’m capable of walking.” Q dropped his feet to the floor. “Here you carry the vodka.” 

“Walk fast,” James laughed, reaching out to pinch Q’s arse making him jump as he kept close behind Q all the way down the hall. 

James quickly shut the door behind them before the cats followed them, reaching for everything in Q’s arms to drop on the floor, spinning Q and pushing him to sit on the still unmade bed from this morning. He quickly knelt on the floor between Q’s legs immediately reaching for Q’s trouser button and zip, until he heard Q’s stomach growl. “Really?” he looked up at Q.

“Sorry,” Q grumbled, “I warned you I was hungry. Just ignore it.” But a second gurgle came quickly. 

“Did you eat anything today?” James asked looking up again at Q’s embarrassed face. 

“Umm…” Q didn’t think James would like the answer, which was “not since the breakfast we bought at Pret on our way into MI6 this morning.” 

James reached for the biscuits and peanut butter, unscrewing the lid. He then dipped a biscuit in the peanut butter and handed it up to Q. “Eat this.” 

Q did. It was surprisingly good. “Cnn I have sommme more peeenut butter?” he asked, his mouth still full of it from the biscuit. 

James snickered. “Sure.” Then he climbed off his knees, grabbing the jar as he shed his own shirt, leaving them both in only their trousers. James dipped his finger into the jar and with a lascivious glint in his eye he presented his finger to Q. “Guess we might as well make this foreplay.” 

Q rolled his eyes, “And you expect me to do what exactly?”

James gave him a wicked half smile. “Well black currant jam on my tongue seemed to work for you yesterday, I think food turns you on. So let’s try this… lick this off my finger.” 

“I don’t have a food fetish James. I’m just hungry. But fine… “ Q gave him a wicked smile in return as he reached for James’ wrist, “but I really think you meant to say suck,” and then slowly he licked the tip of James’ index finger before circling it with his tongue and sliding his whole finger deep into his mouth. Q apparently had no gag reflex and James felt his cock jerk at the discovery, his eyes going wide. Q kept his gorgeous green eyes on James as he slowly slid James’ finger in and out of his mouth, his tongue gliding along his skin as he cleaned all the peanut butter off the offered digit. 

“More?” James asked, his voice a wit wobbly. Q nodded. And James stuck another finger into the jar offering Q a new finger to suck. “Christ, Q you are a menace,” James murmured, as he set the jar of peanut butter down on the night stand so he could slide his other hand through Q’s hair. 

After four fingers Q declared, “enough.” Letting James’ pinky pop out of his mouth with a loud slurp. “I want a marshmallow.” He grabbed the bag ripping them open, dipping one in the peanut butter to coat, before sliding his tongue around it and softly sucking it between his lips. 

“Right, that’s enough of that, trousers off,” James declared, the marshmallow was more pornographic then he could handle.

Q laughed as James reached for his shoulders pushing him down on his back as Q pushed the marshmallow into his mouth to chew. James’ fingers made quick work of Q’s trousers and pants and they disappeared together leaving Q in only his purple and yellow striped socks. 

“No, no,” he reached down as James was trying to climb across him, “no sex with socks on. I hate that. And you have to take your pants off too, and your socks.” Q clarified. 

“No problem,” James said and suddenly they were both completely naked with the lights on, jar of peanut butter on the nightstand, open bag of marshmallows beside Q on the bed spilling everywhere with James looking down at Q as he finished eating the sugary pillow in his mouth. 

“Hi,” Q said. 

“Hi,” James smiled back. “Do you think we can shag now?” 

Q nodded quickly, “yes please.” 

But James didn’t just shag Q, he made love to him, taking him apart piece by piece and then putting him back together again. Slowly and with exquisite care, he touched, pressed, and molded all of Q’s body with his hands, kissing every freckle and mole he found on Q’s skin, learning every centimeter of his beautiful boyfriend until he could have found every smooth plane, every angular muscle by touch and taste alone. 

Rolling together across the mattress, limbs entwined they kissed, sucked and nibbled each other until their skin was damp, nerves all alight, breath stolen again and again as they panted into each other’s mouths in delight. 

James purposely kept Q on edge, determined to make sure the younger man got the extended version of what James was capable of as he eased himself up and down Q’s lithe form yet again, tasting every bit of skin along the way, whispering endearments, brushing his lips across Q’s body. 

“James… please…” Q whimpered. His entire body was vibrating, his mind muddled with desire and want. 

“Please?” Bond parroted as a question. “Please what?” he paused to look up, the tip of his tongue in Q’s navel, seeing Q’s chest, flushed pink, heaving with desire as his hands now clutched at the sheets on either side of them. Q threw his head back on the pillow seeing the innocent look in James’ eyes as he teased him those baby blues sparkling with playful desire. 

James has been largely avoiding Q’s cock, wanting to wait until he thought they were ready to move forward which he was in no rush to do. While he may have been anxious to actually get them into bed, he had absolutely no interest in bringing this to an end anytime soon. But he could feel Q’s erection against his stomach muscles, his abdomen streaking with Q’s pre-cum each time he moved up and down Q’s body, and now lifting his body from between Q’s splayed legs where he had him pinned, James mouth watered at the sight. “Right, perhaps it’s time we do something about that, shall we?” he grinned looking up at Q again, feeling Q’s abdominals flex under his hands as Q looked down at him, a rather desperate look on his face. Sliding further down, James came even with Q’s groin, his large fingers circling Q’s erection, a firm slide of his hand making Q hum, his thighs going taut on either side of James’ shoulders as he planted his heels into the mattress, and then James took him into his mouth and Q absolutely groaned in pleasure. 

James made a meal of him, sucking, licking, grazing him with his teeth, sliding off of him to nose lower, taking his balls gently into his mouth to suck lightly letting them pop from his lips, his hands molded to Q’s hips holding him still, his fingers sliding lower, to press against his perineum, fingertips dancing then sliding around the fluttering skin of Q’s arse, James’ mouth providing plenty of lubrication as he wetly sucked and licked, his saliva making everything slippery. 

“Mmmm,” Q was humming, one hand in James’ hair, grounding himself, his legs now lax, ankles on James’ shoulders, knees splayed open as he did everything he could to relax and enjoy all that James was doing for him. But his other hand was shoved into his own hair, twisting and pulling at his curls as he felt the growing electricity in his body, his legs starting to tingle, his toes starting to curl. “James, I can’t… you have to… if you don’t… I’m going to…”

James knew Q couldn’t hold it off, he could feel it in Q’s muscles, his legs were starting to quiver, his balls drawing up tight. “Come on,” he murmured, his hand pumping Q’s erection, sliding his middle finger inside Q’s arse, finding his prostate again and again as he slid over it, massaging him with the tip of his finger. “Let go Q.” James breathed against Q’s hip, then immediately felt the younger man convulse, both of Q’s hands slamming to the mattress, pulling at the sheets as he came, his back arching, neck tight, breath caught in his chest, hips twisting in the gorgeous agony of his release. James’ caught his ejaculate in the palm of his hand, easing him through it, holding his hip, nuzzling his lower abdomen with his nose until he felt Q go lax again, a shiver or two still making Q tremble as he came down slowly from his orgasm. 

James reached with one hand to slide Q’s leg off of his shoulder so he could climb up the bed beside his panting brunette lover, his other hand still covered in Q’s cum. He held it up to show Q, and then with a dangerous raise of his eyebrows he ran his tongue across his palm, tasting what Q had left behind. 

Q shook his head, still trying to catch his breath, “really?” 

James took another lick, then turned to find something within reach to finish cleaning off his hand. “Not your favorite Q?” he teased, as he then reached down to pull the duvet up over their legs and hips, damp skin growing cold quickly.

“No,” Q sighed, as he felt the endorphins flood his system making his entire body feel heavy and warm. “too bitter and salty.” 

“Yours isn’t.” James replied, rolling closer to Q, his hand sliding over his lover’s chest to pull him close, “you’re musky, but a little sweet.” 

“I am?” Q smiled. “Really?”

James smiled, “mmhmm, you are. I think it’s all the black currant jam and ice cream.” He teased him, leaning in to kiss him deeply, Q’s taste still in his mouth. 

“Mmm, well that’s okay then.” Q smiled when James finally pulled back, he was still in a deep post-orgasmic haze. 

It took Q more then a few more minutes for his brain to truly come back online, as he lay flat on his back, James propped on his elbow beside him waiting, his fingers drifting lazily over Q’s still flushed chest, nosing his bare skin, mouthing softly at the long column of his neck. Then he felt Q’s jaw tense, and James pulled back as he literally watched Q come back to his senses as something seemed to suddenly hit his thoughts. Q’s mouth grew tighter, a frown forming, his eyes quickly focused and sharp, his forehead furrowed in worry.

“What’s wrong Q?” James asked. 

“James…please tell me you didn’t…” Q’s voice had a near panic whine to it.

“What?” James suddenly looked concerned.

Q sat up quickly, pushing James back and reached for the duvet that covered their legs, “I just remembered the last time you did that to me, you brought yourself…” When he pulled up the duvet and looked beneath he smiled, “oh thank god.” 

“Find something you like?” James snickered. 

“Mmmm, indeed. We should pay attention to that,” Q smiled, reaching over, his hand circling James’ cock, a slow glide of his palm up and back down. 

“No rush,” James answered, Q’s hand having to let go as James pressed Q back to the mattress, intent to snog him back into breathlessness, and re arouse him until James could finally get his opportunity. 

~~~

Q knew he had never been so thoroughly ravished, and he did everything he could to enthusiastically return James’ affection. Hands easing along limbs, mouths sliding, over and over kissing, tasting, not biting, not this time. 

James pulled Q’s leg up as they lay side by side, Q’s knee even with James’ waist, opening his hips as James rolled into him, groin to groin, frotting against one another languidly at first as Q recovered but then the long minutes started to feel like hours to James, and as their pace began to quicken, hands became more frantic. Q’s fingers repeatedly grabbing and pressing into the hard muscles of James’ arse trying to bring him closer. 

“Q,” James mouth brushed hard against Q’s jaw, his teeth on his earlobe, “I’m really getting rather desperate.” James was starting to feel jumpy, his hands grabbing harder and harder he worried he would leave bruises on Q’s skin. His hips stuttered at each brush of Q’s body against his own. 

“Finally!” Q exclaimed, “I was starting to think you were never going to fuck me.” Q was more than ready, his breath humid against James’ neck as he licked his way to his jaw.

James laughed. “You could have said something.” 

“You already got me off once, I was trying to be patient until you were ready,” Q quipped as he reached between them, his hand circling James’ cock to encourage him. 

“Your younger then me, I’m probably only good for one tonight. I was trying to make this last, but I don’t think I can wait any longer.” James teased him. “Condoms?” James rolled to his side to reach for the nightstand, reluctantly dislodging Q from his neck.

Q rolled onto his back and suddenly went still, and then put his hands over his face. “Fuck…” he moaned quietly.

James hand was in the drawer beside the bed and it was very empty. “No condoms?” 

“That was where the expired ones were.” Q mumbled behind his hands. 

“Right,” James sat there for a second, trying to think, most of the blood not actually directed towards his brain at the moment. “Hold on,” he threw back the duvet and climbed from the bed, “I may…” 

“James… wait…” Q was sitting up trying to warn him as James opened the door and both cats darted into the room. “The cats.” Q said, his voice dying off as it was too late. 

“Catch them while I search my bag!” He called over his shoulder, striding naked into the living room. He was positive he must have a condom or two in his suitcase. He kept it packed and ready to go for all emergencies. “Aha!” he declared in victory and immediately headed back to the bedroom. He stopped and started to laugh at the site in front of him. Q was naked on his knees, arse in the air trying to pull Penelope out from under the bed. 

“Not funny!” Q replied, “Help me, or they won’t leave us alone.” 

James smirked, “sorry, just appreciating the view.” 

Q dropped his hips, realizing what James was talking about, turning his head to talk over his shoulder, “well if that is how you want me, fine, but not until we get Penelope out from under the bed.” 

James turned and walked back out of the bedroom. “James!” he heard Q call after him, but he ignored it, he had a plan. Back in thirty seconds he shook the treat container and both cats came running, Penelope from under the bed and Eleanor from the closet. He turned over the treat container and dumped the rest of it on the floor outside the door.

“You’ll make them sick,” Q said, not able to completely hide the giggle and smile at James’ ingenious method. 

“One night won’t hurt them.” James said, then held up the condoms with a wink, took two steps into the bedroom and used the heel of his foot to shut the door, Eleanor barely looking up as she scavenged the treats on the floor. “Now where were we?” 

Q was still sitting on the floor, “I was on my knees with my arse in the air?” 

“Mmm, yes you were,” James smiled, “a lovely view, but that’s not what I want tonight.”

“No?” Q smiled. 

“No.” James winked. He reached down for Q’s hand, helping him to a stand before wrapping his arms around his willowy body and pulling him close. “On your back,” he whispered in Q’s ear as he brushed his stubbled chin along Q’s neck. “I want to be between your legs, where we can see each other this time.” 

Q blushed and turned his eyes away. 

“Un uh, you don’t get to be shy now.” James reached for Q’s chin and turned his face back to his. “This is you and me.” 

Q’s green eyes darted back and forth as he searched James’ blue ones, finding strength and calm in them, and a tremendous amount of desire which made Q’s blood spark. “You and me,” he murmured back and leaned in to kiss James softly, before reaching around to pull James’ hands from his body as he smiled, easing himself back to the bed. Q lay back on the pillows, spreading his legs for James, a deep rise and fall of his chest. “Like this?” 

James grinned, feeling a surge of lust, his cock going even harder. “Just like that.” He ripped open a wrapper, still standing at the end of the bed, rolling the condom over his erection, and then grabbing the bottle of oil from the nightstand he climbed onto the bed like a large predatory cat, and Q was his intended prey. 

James quickly slid between Q’s legs, using his thighs to spread Q’s legs wider and higher, James’ hands around Q’s knees as he pulled him closer, Q’s head slipping down the pillow as his hips arched up. “No more waiting?” Q laughed. 

“Oh, I plan to take my time,” James smiled, leaning down to kiss Q, his arms slipping under Q’s shoulders. He brought his body down to rub along Q’s, their cocks sliding together as James rolled his hips over and over driving both of them to a near pant as they rocked together, eager kisses spurring each other on. 

Q squirmed below him, his hands pulling at James’ arse as he tried to get them closer. “This feels so damn good,” Q hummed as James made his way along his neck and jaw.

“Mmmm,” James nodded, “but please tell me you are ready. I need this… I need you.” 

“Yes,” Q whispered against James’ ear, taking the lobe between his teeth. “I need you too. Please…” Q ran his hands up James’ back pulling his body even closer. 

James swallowed hard, forcing himself to edge off, sitting back on his calves as Q lay before him. The click of the oil bottle and then hands on Q’s hips, between his legs, oil coating his skin, James’ fingertips running circles around Q’s slippery hole, sliding inside. More oil, James’ hands on Q’s cock, cradling his balls, and then finally Q felt James move up beneath him as he came up on his legs, pressing Q’s legs up, “Yes?” James asked one more time. “Yes,” Q nodded, reaching to brace his hands on James’ arms, feeling the pressure, slow and steady, the breach and fullness as James pressed into him. 

Q closed his eyes, giving into the feeling, taking a breath to steady himself, feeling the stretch, the flutter as his body adjusted. He hummed, his hands clenched on James’ forearms, now pulling wanting James body against him. But when James didn’t slide higher Q opened his eyes. “James?” 

The look of desperate want on James face was overwhelming, he was holding himself completely still, his hands on the bed on either side of Q’s hips, his back arched high as he pressed as deeply as he could into Q’s body. James was looking down at where they were joined, and when he heard Q call his name he looked up, the bare grip of his control obvious in his expression. “Q,” he said quietly, acknowledging what was happening between them as his voice hitched.

Q smiled, his heart thumping with affection. Then he raised his hips a bit more to encourage him. “Move James.” 

James let out an unsteady breath then leaned forward and moved. And then moved again, and again, a slow deep roll of his hips. A gentle rhythm between them as Q wrapped his legs higher, his ankles on James’ lower back, his arms wrapped around his shoulders holding him close. Their mouths pressed together, tongues tangled as they kissed each other deeply, connected in everyway they could be. A deeper push as Q’s hips came off the bed and Q gasped, James’ burying his face into Q’s neck as he held him. James murmured into his skin, feeling Q arch beneath him. “I can’t get you close enough.” 

Q wrapped his arms tighter around James neck, pressing as much skin to skin as he could, dropping his knees wider to let James even closer. Both groaning as James suddenly slid that much deeper. 

James rolled slowly into Q over and over until Q could feel his toes start to curl as he grew even more desperate and needy. “Faster,” Q gasped, “please faster.” 

James, ever willing to follow Q’s directions went faster, pushing up onto his forearms now to give him more control, leaning down to take Q’s mouth again. Q arching his hips over and over meeting James thrust for thrust, feet now planted, his hands sliding slowly down along James’ spine to his hips to feel the contractions of James’ muscles beneath his fingers as he frotted against James. 

Q knew James was close, he could hear it in his shortened breath, the rise of his moans, the stutter of his hips as he twisted hard with each thrust. Q was on edge too and when James finally threw his head back, his neck taut as he hissed his release, Q stuttered hard below him, using the friction of James’ abdominal muscles to drive himself over the edge as well. 

James immediately dropped his arms to gather Q close, his head dropping into the crook of Q’s neck and shoulder as he huffed hard, his body shaking. 

“I’ve got you,” Q whispered, equally breathless, kissing James’ neck, his hands rubbing gently over his back as James’ hips continued to stutter, finally easing to quiet. Then he felt James’ chest shudder and he pulled him closer. Q could feel the wetness on his neck and couldn’t help the smile that slid onto his face. “Wow,” he hummed in surprised delight. 

He could feel James now smile against his skin, then one big wet sniffle and heard him laugh weakly, his breath warm and humid against his neck. 

Q sighed, and reached down to pinch James’ butt, making James flex his arse, his cock shifting inside Q making both of them groan, both so completely over stimulated at this point it nearly hurt. James finally lifted his head to look down at Q, Q smiling as he reached up to brush the tears from James’ cheeks. 

“You didn’t tear up when I bit you, but you do when we have sex like this?” Q said softly, his hazel eyes warm and deep. 

“It’s not normally this intense,” James smiled a bit weakly, his eyes still glossy. “And you biting me just got me more hard, it didn’t make me want to cry. Christ, I’ve waited so bloody long for this.” 

“Was it worth the wait?” Q asked, thinking his heart might explode with the affection he felt for the man who was propped on top of him. 

James looked down at Q intently, leaning down to kiss the tip of his nose, and then his mouth before quietly whispering, “absolutely,” making Q blush warm beneath him.

They were both beyond exhausted and it was all James could do to eventually heave himself sideways to keep from crushing Q below him, the only thing he wanted to do at this point was to let his muscles go limp. They lay there side by side, letting their bodies recover as Q became aware of the cooling gel of his own ejaculate on his stomach. He reached down and drug a finger through it bringing it to his tongue making James chuckle as he watched him. Q shrugged and looked over at James, “you are right, not so bad. What does your taste like?” 

James’ eyes lit up with smile lines as he laughed more loudly, “you can find out next time.” Then he reached down to grab the corner of the sheet, using it to wipe the rest off Q’s stomach, then dealt with the condom as well. 

Q was starting to fade, the post sex endorphins he had now been swamped with twice kicking in making him sleepy. “I don’t even know how you are able to move right now,” he whimpered at James who had someone managed to move to a seated position on the mattress.

“I know, I’m exhausted too, but I’m thirsty,” James had grabbed a bottle of the seltzer and was rehydrating. “Want some?” 

Q reached out a hand to take the bottle, levering himself up onto one elbow so he wouldn’t drown while trying to drink lying down. “Ugh, warm seltzer is not refreshing,” Q complained. 

“Do you want the vodka?” James chuckled. 

Q just glared at him and handed him back the seltzer, letting his muscles go limp and fall back to the bed again. He could hear James drinking and really hoped it wasn’t the vodka this time. And then James was back beside him, his muscled body pressed close to his. 

Q looked at the clock, it was nearly 1:00 a.m. He was truly exhausted, his body clock still off after the marathon security breach from two days ago. Just this morning he and Bond had stood in M’s office signing documents agreeing to follow company policies that their relationship could theoretically compromise. Now he lay in bed, his body high on sexual endorphins, then he felt James reach across him and heard James hum. He opened his eyes. James was eating a marshmallow. “What are you doing?” Q laughed, his stomach muscles aching from over use.

“We spilled them on the bed, I’m hungry.” James gave him a boyish smile. “Want one?” He held another one up. 

“No,” Q rolled his eyes, “absolutely not,” then closed his eyes again, he wasn’t going to be able to stay awake much longer. He could feel James still reaching across him, knowing that he was eating all the marshmallows that he was finding smashed against the comforter, the bag now nowhere to be found. “I’m too tired to move.” Q complained. 

“Then don’t,” James offered somewhat unhelpfully, always a pragmatist.

“I want to brush my teeth. I can’t do that unless I move.” Q was a bit obsessive about brushing his teeth every night before bed.

“True, or I suppose I could get your toothbrush and you could just do it here.” James held up the bottle of seltzer. 

Q just glared at him shaking his head as James found yet another marshmallow under the pillow. “I can’t believe after what we just did you have any energy left at all.” Q eventually forced himself to sit up and then to stand as he headed for the bathroom. “I think I’m just going to have to throw these sheets away tomorrow,” he mumbled. “I don’t even know why I had marshmallows in the cupboard, I don’t particularly like them.” 

James smiled, a big white sugary blob filling his mouth. “Me neither, but I like them now,” he said after swallowing, and then winking at Q. “I’ll never look at a marshmallow the same way again after the way you sucked peanut butter off of one.” 

Q blushed, shutting the door to the bathroom behind him, brushing his teeth vigorously, then stood looking in the mirror studying his face, processing what had just happened. He ran his hands down his chest feeling his aching muscles. Memories of looking down to watch James tease his way up and down his body making his skin tingle. Q reached down to touch his now flaccid penis, his balls empty and tender, everything still oily and soft. He needed a shower, but he had no energy to even turn on the water, it would all just have to wait. One more look in the mirror at his insanely wild bed head, his hair going a million directions and he grimaced, reaching back to try to pull white goo out of his hair. The marshmallow he found there particularly sticky. He finally pulled out the scissors from his medicine cabinet and cut the blob out, grateful that his thick hair hid the now slightly shorter section he had left behind. He wasn’t just going to throw the sheets out, he was going to burn them.” 

Wandering back out to the bedroom, his feet heavy and slow he was surprised to see the bedroom door open, both cats now snuggled into bed with James. “Please tell me you didn’t feed them marshmallows.” 

“No, I’m pretty sure I ate them all before I let them in.” James smiled at him, tossing back a corner of the duvet to invite Q back to bed.

“Did you know there was a marshmallow stuck in my hair?” Q asked as he climbed back into bed besides James, moving Penelope to the other side of his shoulder. 

“Yes.” Bond answered honestly.

“Were you going to tell me?” Q asked incredulously, as he scooted closer to the warm naked man who had Ellie on his pillow, having draped her furry body over his head.

“No,” Bond answered honestly again. “I knew you’d find it eventually.” He reached out to pull Q closer, one hand wrapped around Q’s waist, the other hand above his head scratching Ellie affectionately.

Q just shook his head in disbelief. “You know you don’t have to wear her like a cat hat. You can move her. She’s just used to sleeping on that pillow, since I haven’t had anyone sleep in this bed with me since…” Q stopped.

“Since?” James asked, thinking he might have a way into a conversation with Q about his past. 

“Never mind. It was a long time ago.” Q’s voice had a tinge of melancholy.

James wasn’t going to press it, not now, not after what they had already shared tonight. He knew he didn’t have the mental where with all left to know how to even ask a question. He was beyond satisfied, sated with memories of Q and what they had just done together, believing it might very well be the best sex he’d ever had and he smiled in bliss. “I’m okay with Ellie here for now. I imagine she’ll eventually move. Just as long as you don’t.” James sighed sleepily, his hand brushing Q’s hip softly as he tucked the younger man more closely into his side. 

Q looked up at James, “are you really not going to brush your teeth? After all those marshmallows you’re going to have cavities by morning.” 

James didn’t open his eyes, “Q, given the various things I’ve had in my mouth tonight, I can’t believe you are worried about the marshmallows. And I thought you told me sex made you sleepy? I think you lied, sex makes you chatty. Now go to sleep.” 

“Fine. But I’m not kissing you in the morning with stale marshmallow breath.” Q warned him. 

“Morning is at least,” James opened one eye to look at the clock, “four and a half hours from now. I’ll deal with it then.” 

Q was about to say something else, but James swung his arm up and covered Q’s mouth with his hand. “Shush Q.” James whispered. 

Q shushed, finally giving in to the exhaustion, falling asleep against James’ shoulder, Ellie still draped over James’ head like a hat, Penelope snuggled into the back of Q’s neck like a scarf. 

When James woke up at five a.m. and decided he wanted to shag Q again, both cats fled the bedroom, and Q didn’t complain about marshmallow breath even once. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: I think I had an out of body experience. Have never felt so relaxed and utterly spent. I don’t think I have any endorphins left in my body. Bugger but my boyfriend is good at this. Boyfriend. James Bond is my boyfriend. JAMES BOND IS MY BOYFRIEND! Although he’s not exactly a boy. Neither am I for that matter. Manfriend. James Bond is my manfriend. That sounds like he wears military leather with chains and has a big moustache. Partner? No. Too soon to use that word. Boyfriend. I like that actually. I like the idea of James Bond as my boyfriend. He is like a boy sometimes. I can see it in his eyes when he smiles, the round tip of his nose, the round circles on the tops of his cheeks when he really grins and laughs. And when he’s sleeping beside me, his face relaxed, his chin soft, his ears. His ears are my favorite. They stand out just a bit too much, definitely boyish. I love to run my fingers around the backs of them when I kiss him. He hums when I do that and he doesn’t even realize it. James Bond is my boyfriend.

Note- need to add more peanut butter to the grocery list, turns out peanut butter makes everything taste better. Biscuits, marshmallows, fingers, cocks. Good thing I don’t have a peanut allergy. 

~~~


	18. Discoveries

Chapter 18: Discoveries

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Have provided Tanner and M with list of new inventions now cleared for field implementation. Has been a very productive two weeks in the armory thanks to 007. Riley suggests we request regular assignment of off duty double 0’s when not in the field in order to continue expedited testing of new weapons and field equipment. Certainly a better idea then when we used the interns and they nearly set the armory on fire last year. However, knowing the various personalities of some double 0’s, I’ve created a priority list of who should be allowed to test which sorts of field equipment. 002 is cleared for all tests, she’s responsible and follows directions well. 003 should only be allowed to test communication devices, under no circumstances should he be allowed to test the new machine guns. We don’t have enough bullets allowed for in the budget. 005 can test modified transportation including cars, motorbikes and small suvs. Everyone in Q branch knows to ignore his suggestion that he be allowed to test new tanks. I don’t even know why he thinks we have tanks. We don’t have room for tanks. 008 is cleared for all tests, and now that I think about it, all the female agents are cleared for all tests. They are the only ones I trust to be responsible at all times. As for 007, he’s on a case by case basis with all approval to be cleared with me. 

~~~

In hindsight both James and Q would look back on the next two weeks as their honeymoon period. For the first time they were on the same page, eager to be together, to share space, to share bodies, to share emotions, to share everything. 

Eve couldn’t stop smiling because every time she saw either of them they beamed with energy, a happiness that literally made Q nearly skip and certainly made James saunter. Even Tanner had to admit the two of them brought a certain energy to MI6 that was infectious. 

Nights were spent in each other’s arms. Meals always in each other’s company. Q had never eaten so regularly, as James would appear every day with food and they would disappear looking for a place they could sit together for lunch. James would have spent all his time with Q if he could, as medical still insisted his shoulder needed more time to heal, that his ribs weren’t yet strong enough to take on a mission, and for the first time James was happy to continue to be sidelined. He’d take all the time he could get. But he also knew Q needed time and James was respectful of Q’s desire to maintain a semblance of responsibility at work. 

Q felt he had a lot to make up for with M after he had disappeared when James was hurt, and Q didn’t want anything to make M second guess his commitment to his work and MI6. So James would drive him to work, seeing no reason for Q to take the Tube when James was around with the car, but then make himself scarce until lunchtime to let Q be quartermaster, uninterrupted. If James tended to hang around after lunch, offering to help test guns in the armory, or perhaps run paperwork for Riley it was always with a lovely smile from Q and a wink back from James as they tried to not be too overt about their affection at work, even if everyone knew and everyone was quietly cheering them on.

It honestly never even occurred to Bond that Q might expect him at some point to go to his own flat, it was just natural to go home every night with Q and Q always seemed eager, even as they discovered what it really meant to cohabitate when that included sharing a bed and a bathroom and a living room and a kitchen. As the days passed they both learned that they would need to adjust to one another’s habits, both good and bad. 

For example:

Exhibit A: Bond learned that Q needs routines-  
~  
The third morning Q got up early to go running, as had been his regular routine before he started sleeping with James every night. But since coming back to London he’d found no opportunity for anything other than what revolved around James’ orbit, and so far that had meant late nights of the best sex he’d ever had, and if James had his way a repeat in the morning before work. But Q needed to run, he needed to clear his head. 

He had climbed out of bed quietly, managing to shift out from under James’ arm that had tried to pull Q back, until he lifted James’ fingers and shifted them lower encouraging him to rotate and roll onto his side. But as he came back through the bedroom one more time looking for his trainers James had heard him and opened his eyes. 

“Come back to bed Q,” he mumbled. 

“Go back to sleep,” Q whispered.

“No, I’m awake now, come back to bed.” James sat up, reaching for Q as he walked past with his shoes in his hand. “Wait, are you going running?” 

Q nodded, brushing his hair out of his eyes before pulling a beanie cap down over his bedhead. “Yes. Believe it or not, I used to do this most every day before you started distracting me every morning. Some of us don’t get the opportunity during the day to exercise in the MI6 gym the way you do.” 

“Sex is exercise, you are getting lots of exercise,” James managed to snag Q’s hip as Q turned to tie his shoe and James pulled him back to the mattress. “Are you wearing another band t-shirt this morning? Which one is this one?”

“Kate Bush, 2014 tour.” Q answered, trying to avoid James mouth, which was headed for his, “now let me up. Sex is not enough exercise.” 

“Then maybe we aren’t doing it right,” James laughed, rolling over to pin Q to the bed. 

Q gave up fighting, he’d never win a contest with James by brute strength, and lay quietly below him for a minute as James pressed a morning kiss to his mouth.”

“I’m pretty sure we are doing it right,” Q smiled against James mouth, pushing on his shoulders to back him up. “And we need to start keeping mints in the nightstand if you are going to kiss me every morning before you brush your teeth.” 

James just snickered and kissed him again. 

“James let me up,” Q pushed on his shoulders again. 

“Stay,” James nuzzled Q’s neck, pulling at the neckline of his t-shirt. 

Q huffed and rolled his eyes letting his arms drop to the bed. “James, please.” 

James stopped and looked up, reading the expression on Q’s face, which was pretty much pure exasperation. James sighed. “Really?”

“Really. I just need to clear my head.” 

“You okay?” James rolled over onto his hip giving Q some space. 

“I’m fine.” Q saw James quirk his mouth sideways, clearly not believing him. “Really, I’m fine.” Q sat up. “This is all just a lot. YOU’RE a lot.” Q laughed. 

Bond was glad Q laughed because it didn’t sound like something you’d laugh about. He dropped to his back looking at the ceiling. 

Q leaned over him, kissing his shoulder, “that’s not a bad thing James. But this is all still new, and we’ve both had our lives completely turned upside down.” James sighed and Q quickly added. “And that’s not a bad thing either, but I just need a little bit of my routine, that’s all. Plus, James, you need to know, I am really not a morning person.” 

“What are you talking about? You are totally a morning person. You get up at…” he rolled to look at the clock, “5:30 in the bloody morning to go run.”

“Yeah, quietly, without talking to anyone. I’m not good in the morning. I’m grumpy in the mornings. I need time to wake up first. Running makes me a much more pleasant breakfast partner.” 

“Hazy starts…” James chuckled.

“Yes, hazy starts.” Q smiled. 

James sighed, “So morning sex…”

“IS GOOD!” Q interrupted. “Seriously. How much talking do we do in the morning when you wake me up?” 

James chuckled. “Well, that is true.” 

“But today, I’d like to run.” Q climbed off the bed. “Okay?”

“Sure,” James sighed, flopping one arm over his eyes. 

“I’ve hurt your feelings,” Q frowned, “I’m sorry.” 

“No, it’s okay, I get it.” James said from under his elbow. “I’m a lot.” 

“James,” Q said, then paused. “Tell you what, if you are still in bed when I get back, I’ll let you join me in the shower.” 

James elbow came up immediately as he peeked below it, “really?” 

Q laughed, “yes really.” Then he knelt on the bed quickly to place a kiss to James tummy, the sheets slipping to his waist. “I’ll make it worth your while.” 

“Deal.” James smiled. “Go run,” he said, then added, “fast.” 

Q just laughed and turned to open the bedroom door finding the cats outside. He picked up Eleanor and tossed her on the bed with James. “Here, she can keep you company while I’m gone.” 

~  
Exhibit B: Q learned that James tends to break things, which really he already knew given Bond’s track record with field equipment, but apparently it carries over into daily life as well-  
~

Two evenings later, James rolled his eyes and scooted over on the couch to make room for Q who had walked in to the living room with a plate of spaghetti and had turned right forgetting there was no longer a dining room table in the dining room. “The new one is coming next week.” James reminded him. 

“Right,” Q sighed. It was habit to turn to the table and he had forgotten it wasn’t there. He came to sit down and reached for the parmesan that Bond had already carried out and set on the coffee table. Q started to chuckle to himself. 

“What’s so funny,” James said looking at him sideways.

Q schooled his face and glanced at James before laughing again. “My poor Gran. She loved that table.”

“Q, I’ve already apologized, I didn’t know it had a weak leg. And I don’t know why you are laughing.” 

Q stopped laughing and cleared his throat, “Well it’s not really your fault James. I shouldn’t have teased you by telling you to- put your back into it.” 

James snickered, “how’s your hip?”

“Still sore, but not as bad as my elbow which hit the table top coming down when you landed on top of me.” He held it up for James to inspect. 

James leaned over to kiss it, “sorry.” 

Then Q started to giggle again. “Really, what is so funny?” James asked yet again.

Q just laughed harder, “I was just thinking, my gran was a pretty liberal woman, and I bet the legs were wobbly because she would have been just as likely to have sex on that table as we were. I think she’d be happy to know it went out with a bang.” 

“A bang?” James laughed. 

“Well, we were…” Q snickered.

James looked at him sideways, “you should know I ordered a replacement that has reinforced industrial legs.” Then James whacked Q on the back to stop him from choking on his spaghetti as he winked at him.

~  
Exhibit C: Bond figures out why Q always smell like peppermint… and lavender-  
~

The next evening James sat down next to Q on the couch intending to grab the remote control for the TV until he saw Q give him a “really? You are turning on the TV now?” look as Q was busy typing on his laptop. Bond put the remote back down and grabbed a book instead content to sit beside Q while he worked. 

Ellie, of course, found James’ lap immediately and curled up in his lap. 

A few minutes later Bond leaned down and smelled the cat. 

Q stopped typing and looked over at him from his peripheral vision. When Bond didn’t say anything and just shrugged before going back to his book Q went back to typing.

A few minutes later Bond leaned over and smelled the cat again. 

“James why are you sniffing the cat?”

James looked up at Q not realizing he’d been noticed. “I’m smelling peppermint from somewhere and I swear it’s on Ellie. I can smell a little bit but it’s not strong enough.”

Q went back to typing, “that’s because I was petting her earlier.” 

Bond didn’t put two and two together right away. A few minutes later he looked over at Q. “Wait… what?”

Q stopped typing and once again looked at James. 

“Are you the one that smells like peppermint?” Bond finally asked. 

Q said, “yes,” and went back to typing. 

Bond eventually leaned over and sniffed at Q’s neck, making Q pause and stretch his neck to the right to give James more skin to sniff. But that wasn’t where the peppermint smell was coming from. “Not cologne?” James asked.

“Who wears peppermint cologne?” Q asked him giving him a, “that was a stupid thing to say” look. 

James just looked at him, until Q finally raised his hand, palm up and offered it to James to sniff, which James did, reaching for the other one to sniff as well. 

“Q why do your hands smell like peppermint?” Bond paused and raised Q’s hands to his nose again, turning them over to smell the backs, “And lavender??” 

Q smiled, “you have a good nose, when you finally figure out where it’s coming from.” Then he pulled his hands from James and ran one across James cheek, happy when James hummed and leaned into it. 

“You didn’t answer the question.” James raised his eyebrows, standing to follow Q who now climbed off the couch and was walking towards the kitchen. “I thought you spent all day in the armory working on new guns today.”

“I did.” Q answered. 

Bond chuckled, “you don’t like the smell of gun oil do you.” He didn’t say it as a question. Then he smelled his own hands. He always smelled of gun oil and he frowned when he confirmed it. 

Q saw him do it, “I like the smell on you.” He reassured James, reaching for one hand to raise it to his nose, “I think it’s part of your DNA.” Then Q grabbed a biscuit from the open tin on the counter and popped it in his mouth to munch. “I just don’t like it on me.” 

“So what? You add peppermint and lavender to the gun oil you use?” 

“No. The gun oil is too petroleum based.”

“So???” James was really curious about this.

Q rolled his eyes, “after I’m done I use a solvent to get the petroleum smell off of my hands. But the solvent dries out my skin, so then I have to put some sort of oil back on. I use oil with peppermint and lavender.”

James smiled and quirked an eyebrow.

“And yes, I already know your next question. Why peppermint and lavender.” Q huffed. “And I would say why not?”

James leaned against the counter and folded his arms over his chest raising his eyebrows even further. Q was getting stroppy over this and it made him laugh. “Q you always have a reason for everything. But you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want too.” 

Q turned back towards the counter to stir milk into his tea, and grab another biscuit, a frown on his face, “you are teasing me.” He grumbled. 

“No, really I’m not.” James snickered, “Just curious. And I’ll just make up a story if you don’t tell me. I like to make up stories about you. I make up lots of stories. You have lots of secrets.” He winked making Q roll his eyes and purse his lips with a huff of indignation. 

“It’s not that interesting James.” Q said, digging in the cupboard for the sugar. “Really…”

“Fine,” James said, leaning across Q to snag a biscuit, “don’t tell me.” 

Q rolled his eyes again, lifting his chin to the ceiling as if asking for divine help, or perhaps patience. “I also use the oil as a balm for headaches, peppermint is a stimulant, lavender is soothing. My mother used to use it on me, I used to get a lot of headaches as a teenager.” 

James stood there in surprise. Q had never ever mentioned anything about his childhood or his parents. James honestly thought Q was likely an orphan, like so many at MI6 were, which made committing to Queen and country easier. “I see,” he answered quietly, wanting to find a way to keep Q talking before he would shutter the conversation. “What else did your mum teach you?”

Q looked at Bond warily, “nice try. I’m not talking about my mother with you.” 

Bond sighed, foiled again. “okay. But Q, do you still get headaches?” 

“Only related to you.” Q snickered and picked up his tea to head for the living room again.

Bond mock laughed, “Oh ha ha Q. You know, I know other ways to cure headaches. They have to do with endorphin release. Orgasms are great headache relievers.” 

“I don’t have a headache,” Q looked up at Bond as he opened his laptop again sitting cross legged on the couch, his tea balanced on the arm lean, Penelope debating about jumping up, Q reaching for his mug just in time, spotting the cat in his peripheral vision. “this whole conversation started because you smelled it on my hands, gun oil remember?”

“Doesn’t mean an orgasm isn’t a good idea.” James really thought Q was thick in the head sometimes. 

Q looked up slowly. “James? Are you offering to take me to bed?” 

Once again James rolled his eyes, “I’m always offering to take you to bed Q. It’s just a question of how often you say yes.” 

Q smiled and closed his laptop. “Yes.”

~  
Exhibit D: Q learned that Bond is a messy flatmate-  
~

Q first starting paying attention to the wet towels on day seven. Q and James were in the habit now of sharing a morning shower together after Q returned from his morning run. Bond had dried off quickly then picked up a still wet Q over his shoulder and hauled him back to bed. As a result Q had to take another shower when Bond was done with him. Q hung up both of their towels after his second shower of the morning, figuring Bond had left the towel on the floor in his lust fueled interest in Q. 

But then on day eight, Bond’s towel was on the floor again, and then again on day nine. Q picked it up and went to find his boyfriend. James was in the kitchen making French press coffee. Turns out he actually preferred that over tea in the morning, much to Q’s surprise, which he had learned earlier the previous week. Q dropped the towel at Bond’s feet, “I know you are used to spending most of your time in hotels where towels on the floor get replenished every day, and you might even have a housekeeper in your own flat, but you don’t here.” Then he turned and walked away. 

James watched him go and smirked. “Right,” he said quietly to himself picking the towel up that was sitting wet on his feet. Apparently Q was quick to speak up when his limits got tested. James smirked again thinking about that realization, knowing that was absolutely true. It was true at work, it was true at home and it was also true in bed and that made Bond smile and chuckle. He had learned a lot about Q’s limits this week already, and in reality Q didn’t have very many when it came to sex. 

He took his cup of fresh brewed coffee in one hand, his wet towel in the other and headed for the bathroom, counting the mugs along the way. When he reached the bedroom where Q was still standing in front of the closet debating which garish pair of pants he’d wear with his Modest Mouse concert t-shirt Bond said loudly from the door making Q jump, “I’ll hang up my towel, but just so you know there are nine tea mugs scattered around this flat. Perhaps you could put them all in the sink.” Then he winked at him and went to hang up his towel. 

~  
Exhibit E: Bond learned that Q likes to sing... loudly… when he thinks no one is listening-  
~

It shouldn’t have been surprising given that Bond had already discovered that nearly every t-shirt Q owned was of a rock band or from some concert tour. Every day, beneath his button downs and cardigans Q would be hiding some faded band t-shirt that James had never heard of before. So far he’d made a list that included Kate Bush, PJ Harvey (several different tours), Years and Years, Clean Bandit, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, David Bowie, Garbage, Depeche Mode, U2, Peter Gabriel, Elbow, Ani Di Franco, The UnThankfuls, Radiohead (several), Iggy Pop, Something for Kate, The Jam, Paul Weller, The Stone Roses, Panic at the Disco and some Icelandic band called Sigur Ros. 

But it was walking into the lab during their first week, Q’s back turned to the door that James learned that Q liked to sing. Q had earbuds stuck in his ears and clearly thought he was alone as he belted out “Creep” by Radiohead. James thought it was absolutely adorable but also knew he’d embarrass Q if he was discovered so James slowly turned and walked out the door unnoticed making sure it was closed behind him. 

The next day, he caught Q humming while he was working on his computer, one ear bud in his ear, before noticing that James had arrived with lunch. And then he’d notice it nearly every time he paid attention. After a week of this, he finally asked Q’s second in command, “R, does Q always hum while he works?” 

Riley paused for a second to think. “No, not always, but sometimes.” She smiled and kept walking. “Sometimes he sings really loud when he thinks he’s alone,” Riley added over her shoulder before turning the corner, a big smile on her face. 

James smiled, he knew Q could dance having witnessed it on the dance floor at the club, but with Q’s penchant for concert t-shirts and singing when he thought no one could hear him, James was starting to realize that Q might actually want to be a rockstar. 

The next morning in the shower sealed it, Q thought James had already left for work, another check up with medical scheduled to evaluate James’ shoulder. But James had forgotten his cell phone and when he came back in the flat he could hear Q from down the hall singing along to “Bad Boyfriend” with Shirley Manson and Garbage at the top of his lungs, the music blasting from the stereo in the bedroom to accompany him. The cats had scattered under the couches and James couldn’t help the smile that climbed his cheeks as he headed down the hall, listening to the words of the song-

“I've got a fever  
Come check it and see  
There's something burning and rolling in me  
We may not last but we'll have fun till it ends  
C'mon baby be my bad boyfriend”

When he reached the bedroom he could see that Q had left the bathroom door open, steam rolling out along the floor in clouds, Q’s opaque silhouette obvious in the hazy glass door of the shower stall. Q was singing with abandon, his feet stomping on the tile floor making the puddles splash as he danced, his hair flinging water spray back and forth as he channeled his inner rock star. 

“I wanna hear you call out my name  
I wanna see you burn up in flames  
Keep you on ice so I can show all my friends  
C'mon baby be my bad boyfriend”

 

James debated about letting Q know he was in the flat, but then he couldn’t help himself. He reached over and turned down the music, Q continuing to sing several more lines of the song before he realized he had lost his backup band. Suddenly the bathroom went quiet and all James could hear was a quiet echoed “bugger,” as Q realized he’d been caught. 

James laughed and then applauded Q’s concert. “Bravo!” he cheered. 

Q turned off the water and grabbed a towel as he came out of the shower looking more peeved then embarrassed. “I thought I was alone,” he glared at Bond, his wet hair hanging heavy on his forehead making his face dark. 

“Clearly,” James teased him. “I forgot my phone and had to come back. Do you do concerts regularly?” 

“I used too,” Q shook his head scattering water droplets everywhere. 

James frowned, “Don’t let me stop you Q. You have a good voice. I had no idea you really wanted to be a rockstar. Good song by the way. Any idea where you can find a bad boyfriend?” 

Q just sighed, puffing out his cheeks, “funny. You are very funny.” Then headed for his closet to pick out clothes. 

James sat on the edge of the bed, realizing maybe he had actually embarrassed Q and now felt badly about it. He decided at this point medical could just wait for him. He would drive Q into work once he was ready to go. “Did you know I play the drums?” James offered as an apology.

Q whirled around and looked at him wide eyed. “NO! I did not know that! How did I not know that?” 

“I do,” James smiled and made a little drum run pretending to hold drum sticks in his hands. “Maybe we could start a band.” 

Q giggled, “we’ll have to think of a good name.”

“The secret agents?” James offered making Q smirk. 

“Too obvious,” Q replied, “I’ll have to think about it.” 

James looked at Q more seriously, “I never knew you were this big of a music fan Q.” 

Q caught his gaze, seeing the curiosity in James’ eyes and then turned away, “Yes, well, music has always been a constant.”

James read meaning into that and once again wished Q would open up about his past. There was more in that statement then James even could begin to understand. But now wasn’t the time to push, so James took the light hearted way out. “Would you make a play list for me? I’d like to hear what you listen to all the time.” James was sincerely curious.

Q smiled, “like a mix tape?” 

James laughed, “I didn’t think you were even old enough to know what one of those was.” He smiled, “yes, like a mix tape.” 

“Sure,” Q nodded. “Time to update your musical taste. But this means from now on I get to pick what we listen to in the car.”

“What’s wrong with what I listen to?” James protested as Q finally finished getting dressed, pulling out lime green striped socks to go with his burgundy trouser pants. 

“Don’t get me started,” Q rolled his eyes. 

“Q, if you are going to complain about my musical choices, then I’m going to complain about your sock choices, and your suits. They aren’t even suits. You need better suits.” 

“When did this become a conversation about my clothes?” Q protested sliding on his brown oxfords. “I like my clothes.” 

“I know you like your clothes, and this became a conversation about your clothes when I realized you wear band concert t-shirts under all of your shirts.” 

Q paused and raised his eyebrows at Bond. “There is nothing wrong with the t-shirts I wear.” 

“Which one are you wearing today?” Bond asked. 

“Garbage Bleed Like Me tour 2005” Q said with a straight face. “As a matter of fact, I think we’ll listen to Garbage on the way into MI6 today, since you heard me singing with Shirley in the shower.” Then Q stood up and headed for the kitchen to make sure the cats had food, leaving Bond sitting on the bed scratching the back of his head wondering how he had somehow lost control of this conversation. 

~  
Exhibit F: Q learned that James is tired of toast but not black currant jam-  
~

James found Q in his office and grabbing his overcoat which he now regularly hung on the back of Q’s door James leaned over Q’s desk, checking first of course to make sure no one was looking and kissed his boyfriend quickly before saying goodbye. 

Q was more than surprised at James’ public display of affection, although he shouldn’t have been. In reality James would be much more public if he could, he held back because of Q. Regardless Q suddenly found himself rosy cheeked in a blush and stammering. “James, what, what do you think you are doing?” 

“Kissing my boyfriend goodbye. I have some errands to run his afternoon, so I’ll see you at home later? If you don’t want to take the Tube just text me when you are ready and I’ll come back in to get you.” He winked at him, realizing Q was still struggling to string words together after Bond’s surprise kiss. He held up his phone, whispering “text me” as he pretending to push the buttons. 

That got a scowl from Q and a shake of his head. “The tube is fine. I’ll see you at my place later.” 

“This is not an excuse for you to work late Q,” James warned him. “If you aren’t home at a reasonable time I’ll come back and wait for you.”

“Yes, yes,” Q waved him off already looking back at his computer. “I’ll be home.” 

Q was of course a bit later than he had planned, but when he opened his door he was hit with the best aroma he thought he’d ever smelled in his own flat. “James?”

“Perfect. I figured you’d be about an hour later then you thought, I timed it just right. Dinner is ready in ten minutes.” He met him in the kitchen doorway with a glass of red wine and a kiss, both cats circling James’ ankles as he walked carefully to avoid stepping on them. They clearly thought dinner smelled delicious as well. 

Q took the wine and stood there stymied. “You cooked?”

“Yeah,” James nodded, then turned to look at Q who was now standing in his own kitchen a bit confused, “what?”

“I just…”

“Don’t ever cook,” James finished the sentence. 

“That’s not what I was going to say,” Q quipped. “It’s not that I can’t.”

James laughed, “well, you don’t. But I do and it shouldn’t be such a surprise given I cooked for you in the country. Moneypenny says I’m being a good boyfriend by feeding you up. And really Q, the state of your pantry was appalling. I couldn’t take another night of take away food.” 

Q suddenly realized when James said he was going to run errands that he probably meant grocery shopping. Q opened the cupboards peering inside. He smiled seeing cupboards full of food, from pastas and soups to sauces and canned vegetables. And on the shelf they had emptied a few nights before he found a variety of assorted tea biscuits, three jars of peanut butter, two bags of marshmallows and six jars of black currant jam. When he turned he saw James watching him and when James winked at him all he could do was smile in return. “You went grocery shopping,” Q said. 

“I did. We were out of a variety of important staples.” James replied with all sincerity. 

“Marshmallows?” Q raised his eyebrows. 

“I’ve grown very fond of marshmallows.” James answered honestly.

Q smiled, not sure what to say knowing it wasn’t the marshmallows that James had grown fond of as he looked down at his shoes with a blush. He saw James turn back towards the oven in his peripheral vision and looked up again knowing James was willing to let the conversation change. “And what is that divine aroma?” Q sniffed at the air again as he sipped his wine. 

“Lamb vindaloo with saffron rice.” James stirred the pot.

“From scratch?” Q was used to buying the kind of vindaloo that came on a plastic plate with plastic wrap from the freezer section that you could microwave after poking holes in it with a fork. 

James just looked at him and raised an eyebrow. 

It was after their dinner of vindaloo, as James was wiping off the table while Q loaded the dishwasher that Q then came up behind him, reached around his waist and fondled his boyfriend through this trousers offering a thank you for dinner which resulted in Q with his pants around his ankles and a test of the reinforced industrial legs on the new dining room table. 

~  
Exhibit G: Bond learned about Q’s scar-  
~

The next evening Q was in a quiet mood, he’d had a difficult day at work and one of his agents, 009 had gotten hurt in the field. 009 would be okay, but James knew Q felt responsible, even if he wasn’t actually the one on the comms when it happened. James took Q to bed early, wanting to distract him with a slow languid exploration beneath the sheets, and now Q lay with his back to James’ chest letting his whole body go post sex limp like he always did. Q’s head was propped on James bicep as James let his other hand drift slowly up and down the length of Q’s lean arm. James had noticed the scar on Q’s shoulder before but had never thought to ask about it and now as his fingers brushed over it he traced it’s strangely deep linear shape. It was still fading from pink and James realized it had to be fairly new. “Q, where did you get this scar?”

Q looked briefly at his shoulder. “That was from the night you brought Spectre and Blofeld down and I had to hack Denbigh’s nine eyes program. When you and M were sideswiped and you were taken by Blofeld’s men, they spotted us and came after us. As Eve and Tanner and I tried to get away they shot at us.” 

“What?” James sat up to look more closely at the scar, bouncing Q’s head off his bicep. “That’s from a bullet? You got shot?” 

Q nodded, rolling over onto his back. “It came through the window.”

James looked down at Q, “How did I not know this happened?”

“You walked away that night with Madeleine. You left.” Q couldn’t deny that was the reason and he said it matter of factly.

James went silent, then leaned down and placed a soft kiss to the scar, “Q, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

“It’s not your fault James. You weren’t the one who shot me.”

“But you were injured, you were SHOT and I didn’t even know it. God I thought I was doing the right thing when I left.” James rolled to his back, his hands coming up to cover his face in frustration.

“James.” Q rolled to face him, propping up on his elbow. 

“And then when I came and took the car and you were there, your shoulder was bandaged then wasn’t it?” James was furious with himself. 

“You didn’t know. It’s okay. It’s just a shoulder. I’m fine.” Q shrugged in response. He had never blamed James for any of what happened with Denbigh. 

“It could have been something else, something more serious. And…”

“But it wasn’t, and if it was I wouldn’t have been there the morning you came for the car and you would have found out what happened.”

“Wait a second, I read the report on how you hacked Denbigh’s system. There was nothing in the report about it. You said you got shot before you went to his office?”

“Yes,” Q said.

“Why wasn’t it in the report?” James was confused.

“I didn’t tell anybody until after Blofeld was arrested.”

“Jesus Q, You were shot!! That was deep!” Bond traced his finger over the scar again feeling the divet and deep edges. “You must have lost a lot of blood. You really didn’t tell anyone and then you went to C’s office with M, with a bleeding injured shoulder and hacked C’s system?” 

“Yes,” Q said. “I had to get into the system before midnight. Time was of the essence.”

“Well I appreciate your dedication but how did no one notice?” James was stymied.

“I don’t know. I had on my anorak. I pulled up the damaged sleeve when it happened, and I guess the down lining stopped anyone from seeing the blood.” Q said matter of factly. 

James rolled his eyes and dropped to his back again. “Christ Q, I was such a shit to you. I knew how you felt about me and still I showed up and took the car and walked away from you, and you were hurt on top of it.” James rolled towards Q and buried his face in his neck.

“Yes you were a shit to me. But I’ve forgiven you for it. And in all fairness I never actually told you how I felt James. ” Q sighed, and ran his hand across Bond’s short blond hair. 

“Why?” James voice was muffled against Q’s skin.

“Why didn’t I tell you? Well number one, I didn’t know you were bisexual…” Q rolled back to get James to look at him.

“No, why did you forgive me?” 

Q looked at him and raised his eyebrows and then quirked his mouth sideways, “well, if you recall I didn’t at first. I ordered you to leave my office, and then after that night we spent together I tried for months to push you away again. I couldn’t believe you would stay with me. But you wore me down.” Q said with a bit of an exasperated laugh, “You found me, even when I didn’t want to be found. You convinced me you actually cared for me, and that you’d be there for me, and that I could trust you.” 

“You can.” James kissed his shoulder, brushing his lips across the long linear scar. “I have so much to make up to you.” 

Q smiled. “Well why don’t you come here and make it up to me some more.” 

“Whatever you want Q” James laughed and inwardly James promised himself he’d never hurt Q like that again. 

~  
Exhibit H: Bond learned that Q occasionally likes to misbehave at work- and they almost get caught.  
~  
For nearly two weeks Bond had flirted with Q at work and Q had always ignored him, or even more explicitly given him a dismissive frown and a chastising shake of the head, which is why it was more than a surprise when Q reached out and grabbed his cock through his trousers while they were testing new guns in the armory. Q understood gun safety and waited until after Bond had finished the round and set the gun down before he made his move, but he still startled Bond.

“Bloody hell! Q! What are you doing?” James stepped away but Q followed him, his palm still cupping Bond’s groin. 

“James do you have any idea how sexy you are when you are focused so intently on something.” Q said with a grin on his face. 

“Q? You’ve got to stop.” James looked over both shoulders worried someone was going to walk in to on them as Q’s nimble fingers were trying to undo his trouser button. “I thought you didn’t want to do this at work.”

Q stood nose to nose with James, a reminder that their height was almost equal, but always surprising James given how lean Q’s body build was compared to his. Q’s eyes were narrowed into a challenging glint as he backed James up against the wall, successfully getting James’ trousers undone enough to slide them down and reach inside making James’ startle again. 

“Seriously Q, you’ve got to stop. You didn’t even want me to kiss you in your office,” James nearly stuttered as Q leaned in for a dirty kiss, pressing his tongue into James’ mouth to make him stop talking. 

“I locked the door.” Q hummed, biting James’ neck hard. 

“OW!” James felt a jolt of adrenaline, his cock now hard in Q’s hands, “so that’s how it’s going to be is it?” He leaned into Q’s neck in response and bit down. 

“Ahh, fuck!” Q hissed, twisting his chin to force James to let him go. 

“Too hard?” James asked with a chuckle, reaching now for Q’s trousers as well. 

“No, just hard enough,” Q kissed James again before pushing back with his hands and quickly dropping to his knees taking James’ cock into his mouth. 

“Q! Oh god,” James groaned, threading his hands into Q’s thick dark locks to guide him. Q made fast work of this blow job, bringing James off quickly, stroking his own cock to completion as well, then stood leaving James standing weak against the wall. 

Q stood, retucked his own shirt, redid his trousers before reaching up to tousle his hair with his hands and then used the tip of his index finger to wipe the corner of his mouth, a drop of James’ ejaculate still on his lip. “By the way, I just saw Tanner head for the door, he’s got one of the few keycards that can override mine, so you might want to make yourself presentable.”

“Bloody hell” James was lost in a haze of post orgasm hormones. “I don’t think I care actually…” 

Q rolled his eyes and stepped closer to James to gently zip his trousers back up and redo his button and belt. “There, at least your penis isn’t hanging out now.” Q laughed. 

James smiled lazily. “Thanks.” 

Then they heard the door click open and Q turned quickly, his hand coming up to run through his hair as he met Tanner with a smile. “Tanner, hi, I was just leaving.” 

James chuckled quietly, “smooth Q.” Getting a quick stern look from Q over his shoulder. 

Tanner had a confused look on his face, “I was actually looking for 007, but the door was locked, is he here?”

“Really? The door was locked?” Q wasn’t very good at pretending he was innocent. 

James stepped forward, finishing a retuck of his shirt as he turned the corner. “I’m here. Q was just helping me with a new gun site he modified.” 

“Right,” Tanner nodded, then looked back and forth between the two of them, a knowing smirk rising only on the left side of his face. “I’d say Eve owes me a tenner.” 

Q blushed and James laughed. “What was the bet?” James asked. 

“Which one of us would find you two in a state of undress first,” Tanner smiled. “I’d say I won.” 

“We are both completely dressed!” Q huffed.

“Right,” Tanner nodded knowingly. 

“Q, don’t you have something to do in Q branch?” James was offering him an out, there was no way for this conversation to end without more embarrassment for Q. James could care less and was rather proud that they got caught and he made a show of retucking his shirt yet again in front of Tanner. 

Q just shook his head and rolled his eyes. “I’ll see you later James. Bring the ballastic reports with you when you come up.” 

“Yes sir,” James replied with a smile. 

After Q left Tanner turned to Bond. “Things are good?”

James raised his eyebrows and then smiled, “Between Q and me?”

Tanner nodded. 

“Yeah, things are good.” James beamed, but then fixed his gaze on Tanner, “but you didn’t come here to ask me about my status with Q did you?”

“No,” Tanner shook his head, “no, although it’s not irrelevant. You got cleared by medical today.” 

“I see,” Bond nodded. “And you have a mission for me.”

“Yes.” Tanner said, “is Q going to be okay with you back in the field?”

Bond just nodded, “of course he is.” Then he took the file from Tanner, “we’ll both be okay.” Bond said it with certainty, making sure he could believe it too. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: Every morning I wake up before James and have a moment of thinking I’ve been dreaming. But then I hear him breath, I feel his hand on my skin, I smell the mingled scent of sex in the sheets (I’ve never done so much laundry), and then I open my eyes and see him beside me and remind myself that this is real as my heart speeds up and threatens to burst with all the emotions that overwhelm me every single day. 

~~~


	19. Crossword puzzles

Chapter 19: Bond really hates Crossword Puzzles

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Have started using tablet technology with all double 0’s to provide real time security updates while on missions. Like our new gun grip technology, each tablet is coded to palm print recognition. Have recently marked each one with a double scan required check to be used in Q branch to make sure appropriate tablets are given out to correct agent when it came to my attention that one of the interns had mistakenly given 009 the tablet intended for 007. Even with the palm recognition technology, it’s particularly important that agents are not given the wrong tablets, as top secret, “for their eyes only” information is at stake. 

~~~  
It was exactly two weeks and that would be it for the pseudo honeymoon, because fourteen days after Q and James returned to London, Bond was cleared for his first mission since Croatia. Q saw the e-mail from Tanner with the details when he got back to his office and he felt his stomach drop. That was why Tanner was looking for James. 

Bond appeared in his office shortly after to find Q. “You saw?”

“I did.” Q had already processed his initial panic and had internalized it. He could do this. They both knew this was inevitable. “I’ll have everything ready by your flight this evening.” 

“I wish it could be tomorrow morning,” James said wistfully. Q didn’t bother to answer, they both knew he would agree. 

Q was absolutely professional about everything necessary to get James ready. Right up to the last minute. Passport, airline tickets, gun, earwig, and a new iPad tablet that Q had programmed with a palm scan that had key information for Bond that he’d need once he arrived. “You’ll find photos, maps and other documents on the tablet 007. I also included a few surprises including the beginning of your new musical education and a few games to keep you occupied when you are bored.” Q’s face never changed as he kept his expression calm.

“Did you?” James smiled. “I look forward to figuring it all out.” 

After the briefing they both knew it was time, or Bond would miss his flight. “Thank you Q.”

“Of course 007. Anything to help.” Then there was a long pause. “I’ll see you when you get back. Please try to bring everything back in one piece.” Q smiled. 

James quirked his eyebrow at Q’s comment, he never said bring back “everything” he always said bring back his “equipment”. He wasn’t talking about the equipment this time. 

“Q.” James looked at him, trying to break through the mask. 

Q looked up and saw the look in James’ eyes and had to look away, “please don’t.” 

“Q, look at me.” James reached out. Q sighed and slowly turned to him, holding his gaze, his eyes going soft. “I’m going to be fine, and I’ll see you in three days.” 

Q nodded. “I know you will.” 

“Kiss me goodbye.” James said quickly. 

“I can’t.” Q’s lip quivered. 

“Yes you can,” James smiled. “Just a quick kiss. We both need it.” 

Q took a deep breath, and let it out slowly then nodded quickly. 

James leaned forward, his hand sliding around the nape of Q’s neck to bring him closer. Q lifted his chin and gently placed his mouth against James’ letting his lips go soft as they slid together, slowly deepening, until James finally pulled away, twisting his mouth and turning his head. “I’ll be back in three days.” And then he was gone, not looking at Q as he walked out the door. 

And he was. The mission went with off without a hitch, because Q made sure of it, and Bond came home without a scratch. Both tried to pretend that it was just another day when James arrived back in London and wandered into Q branch, but the look on Q’s face when he saw James was obvious that he was beyond relieved. And the enthusiasm they showed in the bedroom that night made the cats hide under the couch. 

At the end of it, Q was a sweaty mess, his face turned sideways on the pillow as he panted, flat on his stomach, James still pressed on top of him. “I see you must have finished the crossword puzzle,” he huffed in delight.

James still had a hold of Q’s hips, trying to pull him back to his knees but Q had let his muscles go limp like he always did at the end of an energetic round of sex. “What? What crossword puzzle?”

“The crossword puzzle I left for you, how else would you know…” Q was waving his limp wrist mildly in James’ direction.

“Q what are you talking about? Did I finally completely undo your genius brain?” James gave up, and flopped down beside Q on the bed. 

“On the tablet, the crossword I loaded, you did it.”

James furrowed his brow as he looked at Q, lying beside him, Bond on his back, Q still on his stomach. “What are you on about? The tablet you sent with me? The crossword puzzles on it? Why would I do the crossword puzzles Q? Seriously, when you told me you loaded it with a few surprises, I was really hoping they were, oh I don’t know, maybe artfully posed nude pictures of YOU, imagine my disappointment when all I found were crossword puzzles.” 

Q turned and buried his face, nose down in the pillow as he shook his head, a mock groan of frustration. 

“What?” James was too tired for this, he still had a condom to deal with. 

Q lifted his head and took a big breath, turning his face to James as he laid it back down on the pillow, “you burk. You really didn’t do them?”

“No, I didn’t do them.”

“Then how did you know?” Q truly seemed flabbergasted.

“Know what?” James was quickly matching him on the flabbergasted scale.

“That I wanted you to do that to me when you got back?” Q asked.

“Q…” James leaned over and kissed his shoulder, “let’s start at the beginning. I didn’t do the crosswords. I hate crosswords. Give me a good word find, maybe even an anagram game and I’ll play along, but I hate crosswords. So why did you think I did the crossword?” 

Q rolled onto his hip, his head balanced on his arm, his hair wildly disheveled making James smile. “I made up those crossword puzzles for you James. I’ve seen you do crosswords on stakeouts. I thought you liked crossword puzzles.”

James laughed. “Zoom in next time Q. I always just make up words to fit in the spaces. It makes it look like I’m busy, when I’m really paying attention to something else.”

Q closed his eyes and sighed. “Right. Good to know.”

“That still doesn’t explain why, after I finished banging you into the mattress you seemed particularly enthusiastic about why you thought I had done the crosswords on the tablet.” 

“Because if you had actually done them, I had a surprise locked behind each one that would open when you finished the puzzle. One of them was a list of things I most wanted you to do to me when you got back. This was number one. I can’t believe you did this totally by accident.”

James laughed. “Seriously?” He sat up, “where’s the little tablet thing? Now I want to see the list.”

Q yawned and waved his hand towards the living room, “I think it’s still in your bag,” the endorphins kicking in, he was going to fall asleep soon. 

James jumped off the bed, leaving his exhausted boyfriend behind, striding back in the bedroom with a cat under his arm and the tablet in his hand. Q was very nearly snoring. As James climbed back into bed he leaned over to kiss his quartermaster one more time before he fell asleep whispering in his ear, “and by the way, it wasn’t so hard to guess that you wanted me to fuck you on your knees. It’s one of my favorite things to do to you Q.” Q just let out a satisfied snore and mumbled something incoherent, making James chuckle as he opened the first crossword puzzle. 

~~~

Q woke up to find James sitting in the living room, a dictionary in one hand, his tablet in the other, the crossword puzzle open on the screen in front of him. His little short blond fringe was standing straight up, clear that he had run his hands up his face multiple times. 

“James?” Q asked. His legs still heavy with sleep as he plodded towards him. “What are you doing?”

James turned with the crossword on the tablet in hand, thrusting it at Q, “Bloody hell Q, could you have made them easier? I can’t figure these out!!” 

Q looked at him, he was having a particularly hazy start to his morning after last nights vigorous mattress workout. “What? How long have you been working on these?”

“Too long. I thought they’d be easy so I tried all four while you fell asleep and then gave up around 2 a.m.” 

Q looked at the clock, “it’s 6:30. When did you get up?”

“At 5:30, I couldn’t stop thinking about what you had hidden behind these damn things. SOLVE THEM!” He thrust it once again in Q’s direction, and Q reached out a hand. 

He looked groggily at the screens, finger swiping from one to another, rubbing his tired eyes, and then scruffing his hair. He handed it back to James with a yawn. “Keep trying. I know you can get them.” 

“Q!!!” James dropped his head to the table in defeat. 

~~~

Two days later James was assigned another mission. He dropped the tablet on Q’s desk. “I still can’t solve the bloody things, so either put something else on there before I go, or keep it, it’s driving me crazy.” 

Q looked up at him calmly, his hazel eyes widening as he raised his eyebrows, “Of course 007. I’ll add it to the list of important things to do before you fly to Austria,” and then gave him a smug smile. 

“It’s important to me Q!” Bond had been trying to solve the damn puzzles for days. 

Bond had even asked Eve for help, sending her questions via text, “What’s a five letter word for pachyderm relative?” 

Her response, “Q said you have to figure these out by yourself.” Bond had nearly thrown the tablet out the window in frustration. 

The second mission was easier on Q then the first, this was a quick retrieval mission, no guns were even drawn. It wasn’t quite as easy on Bond however, who now faced a series of logic puzzles Q had loaded on his tablet and he hated logic puzzles even more then he hated crossword puzzles. “Q, Are you getting these from the Mensa test? I could care less that Ann can only be in the house if Brian is not, but Carl is, and only on Wednesdays but only on Wednesday’s when Alice is out, which only happens when Brian is working at the grocery. Who cares. If Ann likes Carl she should just go find him and not wait for a Wednesday,” he snarked into the comm. 

“Make a chart James, you have to use deductive reasoning and process of elimination.”

“Q, whatever is behind these things better be worth it,” James sighed.

“You’ll only know if you solve it James.” Q let out a deep giggle, which made James smile on the other end, he knew just what face Q would make when that sound came from him. 

Q knew when James got one of them figured out because he got a text at 2 a.m., “when I get home we are so doing number four.” 

And they did, and then they did numbers two, six and seven as well. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: When I made the list I didn’t expect James to try to do them all in one night. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to walk tomorrow, but wow was that fun. As for number three, I’m chalking our failure to complete it successfully due to his weak shoulder, which is still healing, and not because I’ve gained ten pounds. Although I do have to admit that I’ve noticed my trousers are a bit tighter. Eve says that James’ feeding me up on a regular basis is making me get a bubble butt and she thinks it’s cute. Pretty sure Eve should not be commenting on whether my arse is cute or not, that’s for James’ only. 

~~~


	20. Estradiols

Chapter 20: Estradiols

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Have been contemplating new poison technology that could be used on condoms. Initial tests show that it’s soluble with lubricant and does not cause degradation of latex. Skin absorption tests show fast response rate. Tanner however has banned me from having any agents test it, reminding me that when agents sleep with marks it’s generally not with the intention of killing them. I think I disagree, but he ranks higher then I do. For now, condom poison has been shelved.

~~~

Each mission was easier on both of them as they were building confidence again. Tanner was very aware of what was happening, and was watching from afar to see how both Q and Bond were handling the stress of having James back in the field and the first several missions were relatively straight forward by design. 

The fourth one however was going to test both of them and Tanner didn’t even predict it. James was the one who made the call. He needed information and he knew the best way to get it. He had been avoiding this, a similar situation had presented itself in the third mission and James had forced an alternative taking a different risk to avoid this situation, but this time he really couldn’t. 

“Q, I want you to turn off the comms.” Bond said quietly as soon as he got back to his room. 

“Why?

“I don’t want you to hear this. And no security cameras.” He added quickly, “ I don’t know how you manage to get satellite images from inside hotel rooms, but promise you won’t.”

Q huffed. “Fine, no cameras. But I don’t know what the big deal is Bond. I’ve heard you have sex with women before. I’d rather be aware of what’s going on in case something goes wrong.”

“You haven’t listened to me have sex with any women, since you and I started sleeping together Q. And I can tell you what’s going to go wrong if you are listening. I’m not going to be able to do it.” 

“Why ever not?” Q nearly giggled. 

Sternly the voice in his ear said his name. “Q”

“I’m serious Bond, it doesn’t bother me,” Q offered. The statement wasn’t remotely true but Q knew he had to pretend other wise. “I know it doesn’t mean anything to you. And I’m guessing she doesn’t look anything like me.” 

“Q” James huffed in frustration.

“What?”

“If I know you are in my ear, I’m going to think of nothing but you.”

“Well, isn’t that a good thing, a helpful thing?” Q actually honestly asked.

“No, because thinking of you is going to confuse me when I’m dealing with breasts and curvy hips.”

“And no penis?”

“Right, a distinct lack of penis.” James rolled his eyes, not believing he was having this conversation.

“I see.”

“So turn off the comms so I can focus.”

“But maybe I can help. Maybe I can whisper things in your ear. Words of encouragement. Groan a little every now and then to help keep you in the mood.” 

“Q!!!” 

“Not helpful?” Q quipped.

“No, not helpful. Don’t you get a ping in your ear, or on your computer when comms get turned back on?” 

“Yes”

“Then turn off the comms and wait for the fucking ping Q!” Bond was frustrated and honestly feeling a little anxious.

“Fine. But just so you know, I’m going to be at home, in bed, wanking off to thoughts of you.”

“You are really not helping.” James sighed.

“No?” Q smiled. 

“No.” 

“I apologize 007. I know you need to concentrate. Enjoy your pixie cut brunette with green eyes, who actually has remarkably small breasts and narrow hips. She’s headed your way.” Q had just spotted her on the hallway CCTV.

“Fuck me.” Bond hissed.

“Sorry, can’t. I’m not the one there. Sure you don’t want me to stay on comms?” Q teased him.

“Goodnight Q” James huffed as he rolled his eyes and put the champagne on ice. 

“Goodnight James.” Q snickered, then sighed when he had actually signed off. He didn’t like this at all, but he didn’t know how to handle it other then to make light of it. He hated the idea of James with anyone else. But this wasn’t James. This was 007, and Q kept telling himself there was a difference. 

~~~

The next morning James showered three times until he was convinced that he had removed all traces, all scents, all possibility that she could have been detected on his skin. He nearly scoured his skin red in the process. And when he got home to London, he went to medical immediately to go through his standard physical and tests, and then he showered again in the men’s locker room before going to see Q. 

Q knew he was in the building and was waiting, he had already told Riley he’d be leaving early, expecting James would be restless. But he hadn’t expected James to breeze by R, grab him by his cardigan as Q stood in his office doorway, propelling him backward to shut the door and then kiss him like he hadn’t seen him in a year. 

Q’s lips were swollen when James finally shifted from his mouth as he pushed Q’s chin up with his jaw, his unshaven face brushing stubble hard along Q’s neck once again using his teeth to refresh the bite that seemed to now always decorate Q’s neck in roughly the same spot. Usually James made sure the mark was left there bright and obvious before he left for a mission, but now he felt the need to heighten the bruise again. “I need to fuck you,” James hissed into his ear.

Q swallowed hard and tried to straighten his glasses, which were sitting very crooked on his nose thanks to James. “Yes, well, I did assume that would be on the agenda for this evening.” 

James was still rubbing his chin along Q’s neck, his hands on his bare back, having pulled Q’s shirt loose from his trousers. Q was trying to untangle himself from the octopus arms that wouldn’t let him go. “James,” Q cooed quietly, feeling his body start to flush from James’ attention. “James.” He tried again, but now James had his hand down the back of Q’s trousers and pants, his fingertips heading for a place that Q wasn’t ready to have explored in his office. “JAMES!” his voice squeaked as James skimmed his fingers even lower. 

“Please Q,” James was apparently planning on having this happen right now in Q’s office. 

“Take me home,” Q got his arms between them and pushed back as he cupped James’ chin in his hand. “I told Riley I’d be leaving early. Take me home.” Then he leaned in and kissed James gently on the mouth. 

James sighed, his eyes lust filled and hazy. “Home?”

“Yes,” Q smiled, “and maybe you should let me drive. I’ve never seen you like this.” 

“You? Drive?” James chuckled, getting a bit of his senses back, but not completely distancing himself from the sinewy body still in his arms. 

Q rolled his eyes and pushed James back. “Why do you think I wouldn’t drive? I design and modify cars and motorbikes and everything else with an engine. You really don’t give me much credit James.” 

James debated for a second then smiled. “Fine,” he pulled the keys from his trouser pockets and tossed them to Q, “you drive.” 

~~~

Q should have known James was up to something when he agreed so quickly to give Q the keys. They weren’t even out of the parking garage and James was taking advantage of the fact that he wasn’t the one with his hands on the wheel, in order to do something else with his hands. Q’s trouser buttons suddenly undone as James leaned over his seat. “OI!” Q slapped at his hand after throwing the Aston into third as they hit the stretch near Vauxhall bridge. “You’ll cause an accident.” 

James snickered, “part of driving is dealing with distractions.” His fingers back on Q’s buttons. 

Q looked at James sideways out of the corner of his glasses and raised his eyebrows. “Right,” he said. And then touched the top corner of his glasses, his eyes darting to look across the glass. Two could play this game. 

Q was able to access London traffic lights using the microcomputer he had built into the frames of his glasses and with a dart of his eyes, and an occasional blink he could control what was happening on the road ahead of them, sliding the Aston from third to fourth as he picked up speed, and then downshifting to take a corner, causing Bond to lurch sideways, his fingers were no longer trying to slip down the front of Q’s trousers. 

“Christ Q!” James sat up and rebuckled his seat belt as Q wickedly grinned, sliding around another corner before hitting the corner for the A3 deciding perhaps James needed a quick lesson in how well Q could actually drive. James didn’t say a word, just pursed his lips and leaned back, looking at Q from his peripheral vision. He was still trying to act like he wasn’t impressed, “Q, apparently you can’t read a map. This isn’t the way to your flat.” 

“It’s the scenic route,” Q said deadpan, then looked over at James and smiled. 

Ten minutes of Q careening past cars, sliding on and off the expressway, dodging lorries and James was feeling his adrenaline surge. But it was when James actually reached forward to put his hands on the dashboard, his foot hard on the floorboard trying to hit an imaginary brake that Q snickered. He had proved his point and without even looking at James, he signaled to take the exit ramp, the scenic route had served it’s purpose and he maneuvered them quickly back to his flat, all the lights on the road green along the way. 

Pulling in James waited for Q to put it in park, before he reached over and pulled Q to his mouth for a snog. “You are the best boyfriend I’ve ever had,” he grinned, “I think you are even more dangerous then I am.”

Q opened his mouth to reply, but then found James tongue in it. He reached down to put his hand on the crotch of James’ trousers. Q sighed as James ended the kiss. “All I managed to do was give you an erection.” 

James grinned, “I already had one Q, but you definitely made it harder.” Then James reached over and undid Q’s seatbelt buckle before undoing his own. “Come on, my goal was to fuck you stupid and now you’ll be lucky if we make it to the bedroom.” 

They didn’t. 

It was much later, as Q was climbing off the floor onto the couch, leaving James to deal with the mess they made that James asked another question that had been on his mind ever since Q had both impressed and scared him senseless with his driving skills. His hand reaching for Q’s ankle as Q leaned up and away, he held him briefly, “are you as good with guns as you are with cars?” 

Q looked back over his shoulder at the naked man lying blissed out on the floor who had hold of him. “What?” 

James tugged his ankle wanting him to come back to the floor, “something Eve said. When I first got to your country house and told her I’d found you, she said she was glad you hadn’t shot me. I laughed and she told me I shouldn’t underestimate you.”

Q grabbed a blanket from the couch cushion, which had been his goal all along and then eased himself back down beside James. “I don’t know what you are talking about. I’m much better with computers, you are the one to pull the triggers remember.” 

James raised his chin to look at Q who had his head perched on James’ chest. He saw the grin on Q’s face and just smiled letting his head drop back to the floor. “Oh, I think you know exactly what I’m talking about.” James folded an arm behind his head, wishing Q had also grabbed a pillow. “It’s classified isn’t it.” He didn’t ask it as a question and Q knew he didn’t have to answer. 

“You know, we should really shower, we’re both going to be sticky from this,” Q lamented. 

Bond raised his arm to his face and sniffed, then smiled. 

“What was that about?” Q asked, he sniffed his own arm and couldn’t smell anything. 

“I smell like you again,” James smiled. “No showers… not yet.” 

Q lay there quietly for a minute, then said, “is that why you were rubbing yourself all over me in my office?” 

“Yep,” James said with a wink. “I’ve gotten used to being able to smell you on my skin. But after…” He stopped and didn’t want his mind to go there. 

“I get it,” Q smiled and then climbed on top of James to rub all over him like a cat. “Eleanor and Penelope always need to remark me when I’ve been away.” 

“I’m not a cat,” James rolled his eyes, although he was thoroughly enjoying Q’s efforts to mark him up by rolling all over him. 

Q just laughed and then settled in again by James’ side, “next time we’ll send along one of my old rock concert t-shirts after I’ve worn it. You can rub it all over yourself before you get on the plane.” 

James just huffed, but internally he thought that was actually a very very good idea. 

~~~

James actually modified the idea and thought it was brilliant, although Q wasn’t so sure. Before James left for his next mission he handed Q one of his button downs and asked him to wear it. 

“What?” Q looked at him blankly, “why would I wear your shirt?”

“Because I want the smell of you on it,” James said honestly. 

Q smirked, “I was kidding about the t-shirt you know,” but James just looked at him intently making him sigh, “this is kind of strange James.” He tried it on and then tucked it into his trousers. He swam in it. “I can’t wear this to work, it looks ridiculous.” 

“Wear it tomorrow morning when you get up and run.” 

“I’m not running on the streets of London in your dress shirt James.” Q was indignant. 

“Use the treadmill tomorrow.” James suggested. 

When Q didn’t have time in the morning to run the streets in London, he still ran the treadmill nearly every day to keep in shape, sometimes at MI6, sometimes at home. 

“You want it sweaty?” Q laughed.

“A bit yeah.” James smiled, “I just want the reminder of you.” 

“Fine, who am I to argue?” Q just shook his head and took the button down shirt to wear while he ran. 

James didn’t actually need it on the next mission, no honey pots ended up in his bed, but he wore it home on the last day regardless. He missed Q badly and as his own heat warmed the shirt he smiled when he could tell Q had worn it before him.

But then Q came up with an even better suggestion as they headed to the bedroom one night and James was unbuttoning his shirt about to toss it on the floor. “Wait, let me wear it.” 

“Now?” James asked raising his eyebrows as he reached for Q’s trouser zip, sliding his fingers down the front to fondle his boyfriend. “While we have sex?”

“Yes,” Q squeaked with a jump at the feel of James’ hand, “believe me, you’ll like this reminder even more.”

And Q was right, sliding on the shirt on his way home from Spain on his next mission, Bond could smell everything about Q. 

He sent Q a personal text on the way, “Why is sex sweat different then exercise sweat?”

“You are wearing the shirt,” Q replied immediately.

“I am, and the scent is different. Why?”

“Sex sweat also includes estradiols.”

“In English please Q.” 

“They are in the family of love hormones, testosterone, estrogen, oxytocin.” Q sent, “secreted in higher concentration during sex.” 

“Well, I like the smell of your estradiols,” James texted. “Have to turn off phone, about to take off from airport. See you in a few hours, let’s secrete some more together when I get back.”

“James, that is… weirdly romantic.” Q had to laugh as he hit send.

“Have to go. Love you,” James replied and hit send before he realized what he had just typed. It was too late to take it back, and now that the plane had taken off he couldn’t send anything else. “Shit,” he mumbled to himself.

For the entire two hour flight James debated about what to say to Q in the wake of the text. Finally deciding he needed to see him before he said anything more. His big worry was that he would scare Q off. He hadn’t been able to get Q to tell him anything about his past relationships and this was a bigger step then James wanted to take right now, even if he knew it was true. 

Q sat looking at the last text James sent for ten minutes, his ears burning, his entire body warming into a flush. “Love you.” Q read over and over. He felt the smile creep onto his face and couldn’t stop it. “He loves me,” Q actually said out loud and then felt his entire body tingle. But he also knew James had probably sent that without thinking and it was entirely too soon for such proclamations, and Q was most definitely not ready to say it back yet. He sent a text for James to find when he got to London.

James turned on his phone with a sense of foreboding. Three new texts, one from Tanner telling him to report first thing in the morning, one from Eve reminding him that she wanted both Bond and Q to come to her house for dinner next week and the third one from Q. He opened it, squinting, reading it with only one eye. Q had solved the problem for him and he breathed a sigh of relief, even if he felt a little disappointed at the same time. “Those are just the estradiols talking. See you when you get to London.” 

James sighed saying quietly as he laughed a little forlornly. “Pretty sure it’s not just the estradiols Q.” 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: He loves me… that scares me. Why does that scare me? It should excite me. It does excite me. But it also scares me. I think it scares me because I think I love him too. Honestly, that scares me even more. 

~~~


	21. Sexting

Chapter 21: Sexting

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Given the rapid evolution of communication through technology which often outpaces both security measures and quite honestly, basic common sense when used by double 0 agents, have implemented new security measures to filter messages before they are sent to the wrong people. 

~~~

Bond tried to be careful after accidentally telling Q he loved him by text message, but Bond was in San Francisco and with the time difference it was too late to call and he was desperately missing his boyfriend.

“I miss the arch in the small of your back.” James hit send and started typing again. 

“I miss holding your hips with my hands and watching the supine curve of your spine below me.” James hit send again, wishing it wasn’t the middle of the night in London and that Q was awake to get his texts, but it made him feel better to know Q would likely blush when he woke up and found all these texts in the morning.

“I miss the sounds that escape your mouth, the whimpers and the huff of your breath.” Send.

Then much to his surprise his mobile pinged and he smiled, Q was awake after all. “James stop texting right now!” Read the message on his screen. He frowned. But before he could reply he got another one from Q. “This is a group text.” 

James tightened his jaw and closed his eyes, dropping his mobile on the bed, too afraid to look. Then he heard another ping and picked it up. It was from Eve. “No, please continue. I’m thoroughly enjoying this.”

Then one from Tanner arrived, “I’m not. These are things I don’t need to know.” 

“Fuck.” James hissed, cursing himself for having made such a stupid mistake. He was never going to text again.

Q then texted him privately, a different chime on James’ phone ringing, the reminder to James that Q had set up different tones for different people. He read Q’s text. “I miss you too.” He smiled, relieved that Q didn’t seem angry.

But that was followed by another message. “And I’m getting us completely different mobile phones to use for private messages. Because while I find it very endearing that you send me sexy messages in the middle of the night, I don’t know how I’ll face Tanner on Monday, and Eve has already messaged me that our relationship is now her life goal.” 

Then one more message, Q was clearly typing very quickly. “And I may get fired. Mallory was also on that text list, but apparently unlike the rest of us who are up in the middle of the night, he must actually sleep. I just hacked his mobile and deleted all the messages you sent. I’m pretty sure that might be treason to erase the messages of the head of MI6. But I really don’t want Mallory knowing how much you appreciate the view of my spine while you fuck me from behind.” 

Bond sighed and slowly typed “sorry” before hitting send. 

Q chuckled as he read James’ text while sitting on the couch, back at their flat in London. “It’s okay.” He hit send. 

Then followed it up with, “you can make it up to me when you get back from San Francisco.” Send. 

“Because I too miss the feel of your hands holding my hips, the way your thumbs slide in to caress and press against my lower back. I miss the brush of your thighs, hard behind mine, the heat and sweat of your body when you curl over me, the wetness of your tongue on my skin, the sting of your bite on my neck, holding on, the huff of your breath hissing between your clenched teeth as you spill inside of me. I miss all of it, I miss all of you.” Q hit send, closed his eyes and rolled his neck back, his head landing on the back of the couch, brushing against Eleanor who was in her usual indent spot on the cushion. He reached up to feel the raised ridge of skin, the outline of James’ dentition, the near constant bruise that he almost always had on his neck and he pushed on it to make it hurt, and to remind him of the man who was so many thousands of miles away right now. 

James read Q’s text ten times, his body heating, his breath deepening. He wasn’t sure how to reply. And in the end that is what he sent, “I don’t how to reply to this without missing you more.” 

Q smiled, texting quickly. “You’ll be home soon. Just a few more days I hope. Does it help to know that I’ve kicked the cats out of the bedroom, taken off all my clothes and that I’m lying here thinking about you?” 

James smiled, reaching up to loosen his tie, toeing off his shoes as he stood, turning towards the bed, dropping his shirt on the floor along the way. “Does thinking about me include touching?”

“Maybe,” Q laughed as he texted and hit send, then slid his hand down his slim torso, his fingers slipping through the dark trail of hair that started just below his navel until he could take himself in hand, the other hand still holding his phone. “I’ve had a lot of practice, years actually, of touching myself while I think about you. But this is hard to do while texting.” Q hit send again after typing his text with just one hand.

James felt his groin immediately stiffen as he read Q’s confession, letting out a huff of breath, his skin heating with desire. He pushed the audio button, “Call Q”, then hit speaker and dropped the phone onto the bed as he quickly shed the rest of his clothes. 

“James…” Q’s voice was thin and breathy when he answered the phone making James close his eyes and reach for his own cock. 

“Christ Q, just the sound of your voice,” James groaned as his head fell back against the pillow. “This isn’t going to take long.” 

Q groaned, “no, it’s really not.” His body arching as he responded to the sound of James saying his name. 

“I wish I was there with you,” James’ voice was deep, “I’d slow you down. I’d flip you over and pull your hips up towards me. Turn over Q.” James could hear the sound of the rustling sheets and knew Q was following his directions. Q’s thready moan now muffled by the sound of the pillow, where his cheek lay, his shoulders down, one arm still thrust below. 

“I want your weight above me,” Q complained, “I want to feel you behind me.” 

“Imagine me there,” James offered in a deep whisper. “Imagine me behind you.” 

“Tell me you are on your knees,” Q said through clenched teeth. 

James rolled over and pushed himself to his knees, shoving the pillows from the bed below him to frot against. “I am,” he heaved. 

Q’s breath increased, “Ohh James,” he whimpered.

“Fuck, wait for me,” James hissed, his hand moving quickly, he knew Q was close just from the sound of his rapid breathing. 

Q closed his eyes, arching his head back as he clenched his jaw, the tendons in his neck taut as he strained, now holding his breath, overtaken by his orgasm. He could hear James on the other end of the phone, his own breath ragged and quickly following Q until he heard James gasp, the tell tale sign that James was finished. He always gasped, almost like he was caught by surprise, and it always made Q smile and laugh to know he could make James make that sound, because no one ever caught James Bond 007 by surprise. 

Q flopped onto his stomach, his cheeks puffing out a contented sigh as he reached for his phone on the pillow beside him. He pushed the video call button as he now slowly rolled to his back, holding the phone up as he looked at the screen. 

Bond heard the phone beep as he too now laid still, his face buried in the pillow below him as he let his limbs go loose. Finding the phone without turning his head he quickly heaved himself to his elbows, the phone now held below him as he looked for the call answer button. And then there was Q, his beautiful disheveled Q looking back at him, beads of sweat still on his temple, his cheeks flushed with post orgasm heat. Bond smiled, the warm eager smile he only shared with Q. “Hi.” He said quietly to the screen that smiled back at him. 

“Hi,” Q said quietly back. “I suppose it’s too late to suggest we could have used the video chat feature all along.” 

James laughed, flopping sideways onto the bed, the phone clutched in his hand as he stretched his hand out onto the pillow beside him so he could still see the screen. “Next time.” 

“Next time… I hope next time we are actually together.” Q lamented with a sigh. 

Bond took a deep breath before he answered, “me too.” He could already see Q growing sleepy on the other end of the line. The post sex endorphins were kicking in and Q wouldn’t last much longer. “Q.” James said quietly.

Q’s eyes perked open again at the sound of his name, “Yes James?” 

“I’ll see you in a few days.” James hesitated, that wasn’t what he originally planned to say. 

“Mmmm,” Q nodded from afar as his eyes drifted closed again. “A few days. Goodnight James.” 

“Goodnight Q.” James smiled as he watched Q’s lanky finger try to swipe across the face of the screen looking for the disconnect button. Q was probably already asleep. 

James sighed, still holding the phone, “I love you,” he said to the dark screen, wishing he would hear those words from Q. 

~~~  
From Q’s personal notebook: Eve has been teasing me mercilessly about the text that James sent, but thankfully Tanner just snickered and shook his head when I saw him on Monday. Then he mumbled something about me being a “lucky bastard” and walked into M’s office. When I asked Eve what Tanner meant, thinking maybe he knew I had deleted the texts from Mallory’s phone and I was a “lucky bastard” to not get fired, Eve laughed and whispered, “no, I think he’s jealous.” Not sure what to think about that. Jealous of who? Me? James? Tanner’s married. I ran all of this by Eve when we went for drinks at the pub and she just smiled like a Cheshire cat. Good grief, does everyone at MI6 have a crush on Bond? 

~~~


	22. Lollies

Chapter 22: Lollies... are pornographic

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Opportunity this week to collaborate with several agents from our United States counterpart in the CIA. Outcome mixed. Unlikely we’ll be collaborating with this particular team again. 

~~~

By the time Bond actually returned to England he had been away for nearly ten days, and while he enjoyed San Francisco, reality was that assignments in the U.S. were always complicated and he was very much looking forward to getting back to London and more importantly he was looking forward to getting back to Q. 

He was jet lagged as hell, but headed straight to Q branch instead of medical, intent on checking in with his cheeky boyfriend. “R where’s Q”, he snuck up behind Riley and leaned over her shoulder making her jump, papers scattering, which always made Bond chuckle, which is why he always did it. 

Riley didn’t even chastise him anymore because it never made any difference, “Agent 007,” R turned around in her chair, “welcome back.”

“Thank you, any sign of my quartermaster?” Bond winked.

Riley pointed to the lab, “he’s in there, working with that American engineer from the team that’s been here for the past week.” Riley had a weird concerned look on her face as she said it.

“Right,” Bond nodded, he had no idea there was an American team currently visiting MI6. “Thanks.”

Bond walked into the lab and stopped dead in his tracks. Two pairs of eyes raising to meet his, one pair, the pair he was looking for, beautiful hazel green, hidden behind black rimmed spectacles lit up with enthusiasm at the sight of James. But it wasn’t Q’s eyes that got James’ attention and brought him to a stop. It was the hollowed cheek bones tapering to the perfectly round lips that were currently wrapped around a rather luscious looking lolly, the stick dangling until Q reached up and wrapped his fingers around it and then loudly popped the lolly he had been sucking out of his mouth, chasing it quickly with his tongue to lick it dry. 

“007! You are back,” Q lit up. “I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow.” Then he stuck the lolly back in his mouth with a smile, sucking hard, hollowing his cheeks again as he spun the stick in his fingers. 

Bond got a near instant erection. “Q,” Bond nodded, standing straighter, “who’s your friend?”

Q pulled the lolly back out of his mouth again with a loud slurp and James had to close his eyes, “This is Edward, he’s with the American team here to help with Tanner’s project. He’s a field agent, but I’ve discovered he’s also an extraordinary engineer and he’s helping me modify the gun barrels…” 

James wasn’t listening to what Q was saying. He was studying Edward, who kept looking sideways at Q, especially every time Q sucked on the lollipop. James interrupted Q as he strode forward, “Edward is it? Good to meet you, I’m James. Q could I see you for a second?” He said as he firmly gripped his hand, never taking his eyes off of Edward.

Q could tell something was bothering Bond, the way he held his chin slightly raised, the angle of his eye. Q’s eyes darted back and forth between James and Edward, the lollipop stick hanging from his lips before he pulled it back out, “of course. Edward, I’ll be right back.” 

Q followed Bond out of the lab, his feet scuffling behind James as James picked up the pace as soon as they hit the hallway trying doors to find an empty room. “James? What is it?” Q was being clueless.

Bond found a supply closet and stepped in, reaching behind him to grab Q’s wrist and haul him inside, shutting the door as he flicked the light switch on. Pressing Q quickly to the shelves inside, startling him, James reached up and very gently pulled the lollipop from Q’s mouth until Q let it go with a loud pop. “You shouldn’t suck on these at work.” Bond said with a lusty glint. 

Q smiled and licked his lips. “Why not?” 

James raised one side of his mouth in a sardonic smile, “because it’s downright pornographic Q,” but before Q could answer Bond pressed his mouth to the younger man’s, his tongue slipping inside to taste the sugary chocolate flavor that coated Q’s mouth. He backed off, “I think I’d like to see that mouth shaped into a perfect O wrapped around something other then this lollipop.” 

Q couldn’t deny that Bond’s invitation was enticing, he had missed James terribly while he had been away, but he leaned forward, a small peck to James’ lips, reaching for his lollipop to take it back from James. “I would love to, really, but you’re going to have to wait until tonight. If I had known you were catching an earlier flight,” Q raised his eyebrow at James to chastise him, “but I have to finish this project and seriously James, you’ve just pulled me away from Edward to proposition me in a cupboard?” Q shook his head. “Besides, if you haven’t been to medical yet, and I’m sure you have not, I’m not touching your cock, I don’t know where it’s been the last ten days.” Q winked at him as he popped the lollipop back into his mouth and reached for the doorknob. Then he pulled it back out of his mouth one more time, an overly loud luscious slurp for effect. “And really, how can you tell me not to suck on these at work, you’re the one who sent them to me, I think this is exactly what you wanted to find.” And then Q was gone. 

James stood in the cupboard as Q walked away, stupefied. “Wait a minute Q,” he stepped out and looked down the hall to call Q back. “I did not send you any lollipops.” But Q was gone and James ran his hands through his short hair in frustration. Someone else had sent his boyfriend pornographic lollipops and he didn’t know who it was, although he already had a suspect. “Q, you are really clueless sometimes,” James said out loud as he headed for Eve’s office. 

~~~

“Eve?” James strolled in.

“No no no,” Eve stood up quickly, “medical is looking for you. I’m not talking to you until you’ve gone to see them first.”

“Why do you all think medical is always the most important place for me to go? I’m not dripping any blood. I didn’t go to a developing country and get exposed to a weird jungle virus and no one drilled into my head or did anything else to me that would raise eyebrows. So really… Eve, I just want to know who gave Q the lollipops.”

“What?” Eve’s eyebrows went up. “You did.”

“No…” James paused, “actually I didn’t. How long has he been walking around sucking on those things?”

“About three days.” Eve laughed. “We all assumed they were from you. The brand is from San Francisco. It had to be you.” 

“Right,” James nodded, “well, not me.” He stood there for a minute before he raised his head to ask her one last question. “When did the American team arrive?” 

“Five days ago,” Eve answered and then got a look on her face, “James, you don’t think…”

“Oh yes I really do. Pretty sure he’s got an admirer, and I think I already know who it is.” James huffed and rolled his eyes. 

“James…” Eve came around her desk to grab for his arm as he turned to go, “don’t start an international incident!” 

He turned and winked, “I wouldn’t think of it Ms. Moneypenny.” Then left Eve’s office to go to medical and get the damn physical checked off the list, leaving Eve behind looking very worried. 

~~~

James was going to nip this in the bud, he just had to wait for the right moment and by luck it came that same afternoon as James was down in the locker room changing after his physical. Edward came in with his gym bag. “Edward… right?”

“Most people just call me Ed,” he smiled and reached out his hand to shake James’ again. 

“Here for a workout?” James asked with a grin.

“Yeah, too many scones the last few days,” Ed leaned back and patted his abdomen, which didn’t look like it had been too affected by eating scones. “I’m not a fan of all that tea you all drink, but hanging out with that cute quartermaster, he’s a Q-T, get it? Cutie? Hey do you know his real name?” Ed asked, a bit of an annoying southern drawl accenting his question. 

“Sorry,” James shook his head, “classified”, leaning back against the lockers, “do you want a workout partner? After that long flight across the Atlantic, I could use some exercise, trying to stave off the jet lag, you know.” He nodded and smiled in a friendly way. 

“Sure,” Ed nodded. “That would be great.”

“You don’t like to box do you?” James asked with a grin. 

“You box?” Ed smirked, “I didn’t think that was a British past time.” 

“Oh, I’m a bit of a pugilist. I’ve been known to go a few rounds,” James smiled.

~~~

When Q got home later that evening James was already on the couch, remote in hand, surfing channels, a bag of ice across the back of his knuckles on his right hand. Q slammed the door and stormed over to him. “Really? REALLY!?” Q said loudly.

“Really what?” James looked up, completely relaxed, somewhat beatific actually. 

“You gave him a black eye, and possibly broke his nose.” Q had his hands on his hips as he squared off with James. “Why?” 

James raised his eyebrows at Q and popped a lollipop into his mouth before sucking and then pulling it out with a loud pop, “I didn’t send you these lollipops Q.” 

Q furrowed his brow in confusion. “What?” James just looked at him, waiting for him to put the pieces together. “But they were from San Francisco. The brand…” 

James nodded. “But not from me.” 

“Then from who?” Q frowned. Then his eyebrows went up and he raised his head to look at James. “Oh.” 

“Yes…oh.” James smirked, a knowing look on his face. 

“I didn’t… I never…” Q was blushing. 

“You apparently never told him I was your boyfriend,” James said. 

“I didn’t think, he never said, I didn’t know he was…” Q was on a variation of repeat. 

“Well he is.” 

“Are you sure?” Q asked.

“Oh yes, I’m sure.” James clarified. 

“Were you sure before or after you punched him in the face?” Q asked with a huff, “did you really have to punch him?” 

“I really had to punch him Q,” James nodded, then patted the couch cushion next to him after depositing Ellie on the floor. “Come here, I’ve missed you.” Q sat down rather crossly, reaching over to take James’ bruised right hand rather aggressively making James flinch.

“Careful, that hurts,” he complained. James gently took his hand back and set the ice back on his knuckles. 

Q was in a strop, “you know you could have just come to find me. You could have told me and I’d deal with it. I don’t need you… I don’t WANT you beating people up over me.” 

James looked at him, “you think I overstepped.” 

“YES!” Q looked at him sternly. 

“You think you could have handled him,” James pursed his lips and nodded. 

“YES!” Q said again. 

James leaned back on the couch, putting a bit of distance between Q and himself, “I hadn’t planned to leave a mark on him Q.” When Q was about to speak James reached up with his left hand to cover his mouth, “Let me finish, yeah?”

“Fffnne,” Q huffed behind James’ hand, reaching up with his hand to pull on James’ arm. 

“I wasn’t 100% sure it was him, but the way he looked at you in the lab I was pretty sure, I ran into him in the gym and offered to spar with him, thought I’d see what I could learn, and if I was right, set him straight.” Q glared at him and was about to speak when James leaned forward and added, “with words Q. I was going to warn him off using words.” 

“So why did you punch him? Because clearly you punched him with your bare fist, not with a boxing glove.” 

“Because the guy was asking for it. Took almost no time at all for him to start making comments about you. He had no idea you and I are together. Asked me right off the bat if I knew for sure if you were gay.”

Q just raised his eyebrows. “You could have said right then that you were my boyfriend.” 

Bond huffed and quirked his mouth, “yes, you are right, I could have, but the look on the guy’s face, I could tell what he was thinking about… about you. And then he kept talking.” 

Q frowned. “What did he say?”

“That you were the sweetest piece of arse he’d seen in a long time, and that he was sure that under that proper British jumper, actually he said sweater, American idiot,” Bond added with a huff, “that he was certain he’d find a good fuck.”

Q sat back in a huff. 

“And then I told him that you had a boyfriend.” James looked sideways at Q with a smirk. 

“And?” Q had a feeling this wasn’t going to go well. 

“And he said that he heard the boyfriend was out of town, and that he’d be leaving in a day or two himself and was sure he could get you to show him a good time before your boyfriend got back. That based on the way you had been sucking on those suckers, not lollies mind you, but suckers, bloody American, that he was sure you’d give a fantastic blowjob.” 

Q sighed, looking at his lap, his hands playing with the zipper on his cardigan. He looked up at James, twisting his mouth a bit, “you should have punched him twice.” 

James laughed and then reached out with his left arm to wrap around Q’s shoulders and pull him close. “I did actually.” He kissed Q on the temple as Q turned to look up at him, “that’s why he has a black eye AND probably a broken nose.” 

Q smiled, “I guess he figured out that you are my boyfriend?” 

“Yeah,” James smiled, “he figured it out, after I punched him the first time I may have led the second punch with, ‘oh you should know his boyfriend just got back into town.’” 

Q lifted his chin to James to kiss him gently. “I’m glad your home,” Q smiled.

“Me too,” James replied and then still holding the lollipop in his hand he offered it to Q, who obediently opened his mouth for it. “And you can suck these at home as much as you want.” James winked. 

~~~  
From Q’s personal notebook: I’ve now done three replicates of the experiment and it works every time. I can give James an erection from just the sound of me unwrapping a lolly in another room. It’s a clear Pavlovian response. I suppose it would be unfair for me to exploit this too often, or to try to condition him to other responses. He’s always telling me how dangerous I could be if I turned my work to evil purposes. I keep telling him it depends on how you define evil.  
~~~


	23. Exploding Pens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feeling fluffy at the end of this long week. I've adjusted the total chapter count to 48 because this rather spontaneously wrote itself today to be inserted between Lollipops and the next chapter to come which I've been editing. This was supposed to be a brief intro to that next chapter but it grew so it's getting it's own short chapter instead. Needed some happy.

Chapter 23: Exploding pens

~~~  
From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: I will never make an exploding pen. 007 really doesn’t seem to understand the inherent risks associated with creating an explosive device that could cause serious bodily harm if accidentally activated in a shirt pocket. Pen ink on a dress shirt is a big enough problem without adding extensive blood stains. And besides he loses every pen I give him, why does he think I’d trust him to not leave that behind on a restaurant table and then I’d be responsible for a perceived random terrorist attack. He can keep asking. Not going to happen. Should probably rewrite this entry to detail the engineering challenges and risk analysis with this particular gadget. My official log shouldn’t really include my lament of Bond’s constant badgering for an exploding writing device, but everyone knows it’s ongoing, he’s asked Riley for one seven times. She keeps saying she’ll refer his request to me. Yeah, like I’m going to change my mind. 

~~~

It had been more than three months since James and Q had agreed that shagging was much more fun then Q trying to keep James at a distance. Missions were more successful than ever, as Q and James became even more in sync. Q was ever better on comms at predicting next steps for James to keep him out of harms way, and James was ever better at bringing missions to a close without blowing shit up that Q would inevitably have to create a cover for to keep James out of trouble. James avoided sleeping with women as often as possible, because James knew even if Q said it didn’t bother him that it did. Of course it did. But they both did all they could to follow the guidelines they had agreed to, continuing to prove that their relationship did not put missions in jeopardy, indeed it proved the opposite. Their relationship made them both better operatives for MI6 and everyone knew it. 

In fact, their relationship made them both better men, and they both felt it, even if they didn’t understand it. 

Maybe it was because Q was content, and for the first time in a very long time he felt whole. He was happy. It led to an acuity that made him not just sharper in his support and decisions related to all the 00 missions, but in his creativity in the engineering lab. Better equipment, smarter technology, gadgets galore. And each mission James went on included some new trinket to keep him occupied, in addition to the games and music Q included on his tech tablet. 

Always eager to discover what Q had invented James was like a kid at Christmas, tie tacks that became infrared cameras, language translation technology built into his ear wig, a card that looked like a credit card but had an electronic signature that could open any card swipe lock which proved to be very helpful when sneaking into hotel rooms. And his favorite, his own special tech glasses that he suspected didn’t do quite as much as Q’s could do, but still let him see anyone coming up behind him. And if he synced it to his tablet, let him access the files on it with a tap of his finger to the top left corner of the frame. Blinking turned the pages. On his first mission with his new frames James had been practicing with them in his hotel room and made himself dizzy trying to rapidly blink to see how quickly he could turn the pages, and when he had to lay down on the bed, closing his eyes to get his equilibrium back he heard Q start to chuckle in his ear, because of course Q had been watching him try to do it. “Q?” 

“Yes James?” Q laughed.

“Are you by any chance watching me through my glasses? Did you build tech into these for you too?” 

“Of course I did.” Q chuckled. “Let’s me keep an eye on your eyes, which I adore.” 

“And I bet it lets you scan my eye dilation and do all sorts of medical evaluations too doesn’t it?” James speculated.

“Actually no, but that’s a good idea. Maybe the next pair. I just really like to see the color of your eyes. They change with your mood.” 

“Do they?” James still lay there with his eyes closed, the dizziness finally subsiding. He opened them. “What color are they now?” 

Q smiled, “the color of a shallow sea with a white sand bottom on a clear day.” 

James smiled making his eyes crinkle and narrow, “that is very specific.” 

“I have lots of descriptions for the colors of your eyes, someday I’ll tell you what they all are.” Q grinned watching James’ pupils dilate, clearly responding with emotion to what Q was saying. He sighed, he needed to stop this or James would never get down to the lobby bar for the meeting scheduled with the Mumbai banker they suspected was actually embezzling from the Bank of England. 

“Can you make my glasses also show me your eyes? Seems only fair I should be able to see you too.” James had a catalog of the colors of green that shifted in Q’s eyes, sometimes flecks of yellow, sometimes rings of the darkest moss green he could imagine. He would love to know the color they were right now. He imagined given the laughter in Q’s voice that they were probably a lovely shade of jade, which was a happy color. 

“Sorry, afraid you don’t need that distraction,” Q said. “I need you looking at the person across the table from you, not at me.” 

“Fine, then how about that exploding pen I keep asking for?” James sat up, taking off the glasses as he headed for the bathroom to wash his face and get ready for his meeting. 

“Never going to happen James.” Q said glibly. At this point it was a matter of principle. 

“Someday I’m actually going to need one and then what,” James protested. 

“Oh, you never seem to be at a loss to figure out how to blow stuff up James, I’m sure you’ll manage. Now hurry, or you’ll be late for your meeting.” 

“Yes dear, I’m going.” James replied with a chuckle. “If this goes well I’ll be home end of day tomorrow I suspect. Any requests from Mumbai?” 

“Surprise me,” Q smiled. Because while Q was making it a habit to send along a new gadget for each mission, James had made it a goal to bring Q a token from each place he visited, no longer courting the cats, but instead actually courting his boyfriend. Which didn’t mean Eleanor and Penelope were forgotten, plenty of cat treats found their way back to London, but there was always something for Q. A new silk tie from China, matcha green tea powder from Japan, which Q had discovered was particularly good when mixed with the honey James had brought back from Serbia. More peppermint oil from Istanbul, which made Q realize James had noticed he had run out. Q gave him a particularly enthusiastic thank you for that one, which back fired after he realized the oil was rather concentrated and having put it on his hands to try it, later made James rather tingly when Q touched sensitive body parts that shouldn’t be touched by peppermint oil. It required a shower and significant amounts of citrus soap, a gift James had brought back from Seville Spain, to ease the burning on James’ scrotum, and new rules that Q was never to touch him there again after applying the damn peppermint oil. 

“I hear they have a rather good tea selection in Mumbai,” Q hinted. 

James snickered, “I’ll see what I can do.” And with that he was off to his dinner meeting and then successfully home the next day with a selection of chai spices that made Q beam with happiness. 

“Don’t forget to look in the bottom of the box,” James reminded him as Q sniffed the cinnamon scent in the bag. 

“Another one?” Q raised his eyebrows. 

“What do you think?” James said. 

Q opened the drawer on his desk and tipped the box over to let the hotel pen drop into the container that held all the other ones James had stolen and brought back for Q, always with the note, “can you make this explode?” Q just rolled his eyes and shut the drawer. “No,” he said firmly, then went back to sniffing the chai spices. “But I bet I can make you explode. Let’s go home and find out shall we?” Q winked. 

James beamed, “I’ll get my coat.” 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: I’m debating about making James an exploding pen for Christmas. Maybe one that writes in multiple colors… ohh… and explodes in multiple colors too. Like fireworks. Excellent idea! 

Edited entry- Just reread what I wrote last night. That is the worst idea I’ve ever had. What the bloody hell was in that chai tea spice that James brought back from Mumbai? Although must admit, I did see multi colored fireworks go off in my head when James made me come last night. That MUST be where that idea originated. Excellent orgasm, but that chai tea spice is bloody dangerous. Not taking that to work, or who knows what the hell I’ll create in the lab. That’s for at home use only. 

~~~


	24. Daniel

Chapter 24: Daniel

~~~  
From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: I’ve been digging through old engineering files from earlier quartermasters. M mentioned there had been schematics for exploding pens in the archives and given 007’s obsession with them I decided to go look. It’s amazing what you can learn from history. History provides context and lays the foundation for the layers of decisions, both good and bad, moving forward. And it explains why we still have some of the strange procedures in MI6 thanks to over eager double 0’s from days gone by, who actually make 007 look like a well behaved adult. I could never understand why we had a ban on using jet fuel as an energy source, but now I get it, and now I can make a case for lifting the ban. After all, the double 0 who accidentally used it as a fuel in the motorbike engine and as a result launched himself into the Thames retired years ago. 

I think I may set R to a project to review all the old files, and to scan and digitize them. I suspect there is much more to learn from the past. 

~~~

Q and James were both happy, of that there was no doubt, but while Q was creatively thriving, James was growing introspective. 

Maybe it was the difference in their ages, James more aware of the passing of time but he was starting to feel the need for more and he was growing impatient, because the more James learned about Q the more curious he became about Q’s background. Q might actually be the most mysterious person James had ever actually met, and that was saying a lot considering Bond’s line of work. Frustratingly for Bond, Q was a master at keeping secrets. James however was determined to eventually fill in the gaps in Q’s story and he’d been holding the information that Eve had shared about Q’s relationships to himself until the time was right, and now James was finally ready to start pushing. 

“Q how many relationships have you had?” James asked. He knew he had to time his question correctly or Q would clam up on him. So having Q pinned below him, half naked and distracted while they made out on the couch seemed like the perfect time. 

“What?” Q was busy trying to undo the buttons on Bond’s shirt and wasn’t paying attention. 

“How many relationships have you had before you and I started this one?” Bond said again, slowly. 

Q’s hands paused, fingers still on James’ shirt buttons. “Why are you asking me this right now?”

“Because it seemed like the right time.” James said matter of factly.

Q let go of Bond’s shirt and let his muscles go limp, lying flat on his back on the couch below James, putting both hands over his face. “You have got to be kidding me. How is this the right time?” 

“I don’t know. I was thinking about how lucky I am to be with you, and it made me wonder how many other men you’ve been with. That’s all.” Bond smiled down at him, not moving, even if he actually hated the idea of Q having ever been with anyone else. 

Q shifted his lower jaw sideways and raised his eyebrows at Bond, not buying James’ line at all. “Right. You want to know my sexual history…now… like right now? After all this time, now?” 

“Yes.” James said. Then when Q raised his eyebrows even higher he added. “We are three months into this relationship Q, and we’ve never talked about our past relationships. We are actually past due for this conversation. Did you think we’d never talk about it?” 

“Considering we both have confidential files and we have gone three months without bringing it up, yes, I thought we might skip over it.” Q huffed. 

“Well I want to talk about it,” James said quietly, leaning down to kiss Q warmly. “How many men have you slept with Q?”

Q sighed and puffed out his cheeks. “Well how many men I’ve slept with and how many relationships I’ve had are two different conversations James. Which do you really want to know?” 

James smiled and leaned down to kiss the tip of Q’s nose. “Are you telling me you’ve been promiscuous? I thought you hadn’t been shagged in forever, you know, those expired condoms and all.” 

Q just closed his eyes and shook his head slowly back and forth before letting out another heavy sigh. “I had a life before MI6 Bond.” 

Bond sat up, this sounded promising, “Tell me about it. I want to know what life was like for you before MI6.”

Q still lay on the couch, one knee bent as his foot was pressed to the back of the couch by Bond’s back, who was now sitting up between Q’s open legs, Q’s other foot on the floor. “That’s classified.” 

“You and I are in a relationship Q, you have to tell me something.”

“You tell me about your life before MI6.” Q didn’t even try to sit up. 

Bond just shook his head, “you have higher security clearance then I do, I know you’ve already seen my file.” 

Now Q did sit up, straightening his leg on the couch to shove himself up and into the corner, “Oh no, I know there is stuff that isn’t in your file.”

“Everything is in my file Q. Even all my psychological tests, which seems very unfair that I can’t see yours.”

Q actually laughed out loud. “Right. You do know that psych has created a check box just for you on the psych exams right?”

Bond blustered, “I don’t have any idea what you are talking about.” He really didn’t. He never got to see his own psych exams. 

“They totally know you are lying to them and making shit up. They’ve created the Bond box. If you are unaffected enough by a mission that you are capable of lying to them to pass the test, then you are in effect, unaffected by the mission and you are given a pass. They check the Bond box.” Q gave him a half smile.

“Seriously?” James smirked.

“Yes, seriously.”

“Does anyone else have their own box?”

“Nope, just you.” Q smiled. “Now where were we?” He shifted to his knees and crawled across Bond’s lap to straddle him, reaching again for his shirt buttons to undress him. 

Bond caught his hands in his as he looked up at Q, his eyes a warm blue. “We were discussing your promiscuous past.” 

Q rolled his eyes at Bond’s prompt, “like you should talk. You are a lothario.”

“Actually I’m not.” 

Q sat back on Bond’s legs, planting his hands on Bond’s thighs that were bracketed between his own. “Really?” he said incredulously.

“Really. But we are not talking about me, and you are a master at deflection. We are talking about you.” Bond leaned forward to peck a kiss to Q’s pursed lips. 

“No, YOU were talking about me. I wasn’t.” Q climbed off Bond’s lap to sit in the corner of the couch again, this time his legs pulled up in front of him. 

“Well, I want YOU to talk about you. I’m the spy, but I swear Q, you have more secrets and are more reserved then I am.” 

Q looked at him, his green eyes holding James’ blue as he contemplated. “Fine. I’ve had three significant relationships. I’ve slept with more than three men.” And with that he was up and off the couch heading for the kitchen.

“Where are you going? Q come back here.” James stood up to follow him, trailing him to the kitchen. “How many is more than three?” Q was pulling ice cream out of the freezer. “And don’t give me an estimate. I know full well that given who you are, you know the exact number.”

Q stopped to glare at him before closing the freezer door. “Of course I know the exact number, but just because I do, doesn’t mean you have to know.” 

Bond smiled, “is it less than ten?” 

No response.

“It’s more?” he snickered. 

“My lack of response to your first question is not a yes or a no to anything you’ve said. And it’s not important, you know as well as I do that MI6 medical makes sure there are no STIs floating around in the staff.” 

“I wasn’t worried about an STI. I just wanted to understand your past considering that I hope I’m your future.” James was usually very good with come on lines but even he couldn’t quite believe he had just said that one.

Q looked at James, his eyes going wide, then wrinkling with lines as he broke into a genuine smile, “that is very sweet, even if it’s completely corny,” but then his eyebrows went up as he smirked, “but I’m still not telling you how many men I’ve slept with.” 

Bond rolled his eyes, “How about quid pro quo, I tell you how many men I’ve slept with and then you tell me your number.” 

“No.” Q replied. 

“Can we talk about the three relationships you’ve had? I don’t know anything about them.” 

“Have you ever had a long term relationship with a man?” Q looked at Bond quizzically. “Because if you have, that’s not in your file.” 

“Quid pro quo?” Bond said again.

“Fine. Quid pro quo.” Q sighed, taking the pint of ice cream and a spoon with him to the living room. 

Bond smiled, this was exactly what he had wanted all along. Q’s casual encounters weren’t really what Bond was curious about, besides he already knew that number, Q had spilled that when Bond had first taken Q back to his flat after the disastrous night at the gay dance club all those months ago. 

“You first,” Q said when Bond followed him into the living room, as he shoveled a spoon of ice cream into his mouth. 

James sat in the chair across from Q, knowing he wasn’t going to get any of that ice cream. Q never shared ice cream. “Fine. Two.”

“Two?” Q repeated, “Two relationships with men?” 

“Yes, but like you, I’ve slept with more, but I’m not telling you my number, unless you give up yours.” James winked at him. 

“How long was each one,” Q prodded. 

“More than a year.” Bond answered quickly. 

“Who were they?” 

“When do you start telling me about yours?” James quipped. 

“I already told you three. Two of mine were around two years. The last one was nearly three. So who were yours?”

“Neither were public. One was while I was in the Navy. At the time, they couldn’t be, or we would have been discharged.” James said flatly, although acknowledging it out loud made his heart pang unexpectedly. 

“I’m sorry. That always makes it harder. Is that why they only lasted a year?” Q asked.

“I said more than a year, I didn’t actually say how long.” Bond replied, flexing his hands on the arms of the chair. 

“Are we playing semantic games where we only give partial information?” Q called him on it. He wasn’t in the mood for this to become a game. 

“Not intentionally,” James replied quickly realizing he needed to be more forthcoming or Q was going to go quiet on him, “my first with Brian was about fifteen months, when he was restationed, not because of our relationship mind you, it came to an end. The distance made it unrealistic.” 

“And the second?” 

James pursed his lips and sighed, “the second was more complicated. His name was Alec and it lasted on and off for about six years.” 

“Why was it more complicated?” 

“Because we were both at MI6 and we couldn’t tell anybody because I didn’t want MI6 to know about him so I pushed the relationship deep to hide it.”

Q waited for James to continue.

“He felt like I had abandoned him, and really, I had. I hurt him deeply, and I didn’t mean to, but it happened.”

“Where is he now?”

Bond shuttered his expression at that question, “quid pro quo, I want to hear about your relationships before I tell you any more about mine.” 

Q knew Bond’s evasion of that question was important, there was something big James wouldn’t tell him. But he didn’t push, at least not yet. 

“Fine,” Q rolled his eyes. “Daniel, Peter and Samuel.” Then he stopped talking. 

Bond finally prompted him after several seconds. “And?”

Q knew that wouldn’t be enough, but he tried. “Fine… Daniel was my first. I was in my early twenties. He was older. It lasted a little more than two years. He ended it. Then there was Pete. I thought he would be a rebound to Daniel, because I jumped in quickly to heal my broken heart. Peter was my age, actually a little younger. He was impetuous and a risk taker. He was the opposite of Daniel. He broke my heart as well. Then there was Samuel. Sam and I met through work, he was insanely smart, a computer graphics designer, an engineer and an artist. “

Bond didn’t let his eyes move, but he now knew that much of the art on Q’s walls had to have been made by Sam. 

Q continued. He was looking down at his ice cream, holding the pint in his hand, stirring it with his spoon. It was melting and Q wasn’t eating it. “He was lovely. I loved him. I believe that he loved me as well. Then he broke my heart. That is it. Daniel, Peter and Samuel… Dan, Pete and Sam.” Q trailed off quietly. Slowly he looked up, his eyes a bit glossy and he gave James a weak smile. “And now you, you are my fourth, James.” 

“Q…” James didn’t know what to say. 

Q shook his head and squared his shoulders, lifting a dripping melted spoon of ice cream to his mouth. “You know I think I’d rather we just tell each other the number of men we casually slept with actually.”

Bond chuckled. “I don’t know the exact number, but you have to remember I was in the navy. Man in every port sort of thing until I became a lieutenant commander, then I had to worry about the men who reported to me discovering my proclivities. And after Alec…well…I haven’t had any long term male relationships, everything has been quick, a way to scratch an itch, so to speak.”

“So how many then? Roughly? I’m guessing maybe forty?” Q smiled. His legs bent in front of him, his toes flexing and rolling on the edge of the couch cushion. 

James guffawed, “god I hope not that many.” He leaned forward to look more intently at Q, “I know everyone thinks I crave sex Q, I know I have that reputation as 007. But really, I’m not as insatiable as everyone believes. Sex is just an easy way to get information when you are a spy.” 

“Well bugger…” Q grumbled, twisting his mouth sideways. “I was rather hoping for an insatiable boyfriend.” 

James laughed loudly, “Oh no worries there,” standing he reached for Q’s melted ice cream container, taking his spoon and licking it off himself. Setting both down on the coffee table, he reached for Q’s ankles and pulled, stretching Q out on the couch as he quickly climbed on top, sliding between Q’s legs to press himself to the younger man who yelped as he found himself unexpectedly repositioned. “When it comes to you, I don’t expect I’ll ever get enough,” James murmured aggressively against Q’s ear as he took his earlobe between his teeth, rolling it back and forth before letting go and claiming Q’s mouth. 

Later, sheets tangled around them in the quiet of the postlust filled haze that exhausted them both James pulled Q close, their skin warm and damp from sweat to murmur into Q’s ear, “I want to know more about these other men who held your heart Q, tell me, please…” 

“Why?” Q stiffened at first, but then relaxed, his head resting on James’ shoulder, running his hand over James’ stomach, and further south to his hips, his fingers brushing over James’ now flaccid cock. 

James just sighed, ignoring Q’s wandering fingers, “because they helped shape you into who you are now.” 

“But you can’t change any of what shaped me, now I just am,” Q said quietly. 

James understood what Q meant, and he knew he was being a hypocrite in asking, he didn’t like to dwell on his past any more than Q did, but he knew if Q would share it might help him.

“Mmm, true, but I think understanding your past will help me avoid mistakes I may make in our future. I suspect there are things from your past relationships that have made you cautious with me. I just want to understand.” 

“But I’m not cautious anymore,” Q answered, his hands still wandering over all the bare skin he could reach. 

James reached down and caught Q’s hand lifting it to his lips. “I didn’t just mean physically Q. Please?” 

Q sighed, “since when did you become someone who wants to unpack emotional issues? This isn’t like you.” 

James didn’t answer him. Q wasn’t wrong, this wasn’t typical for him, at least not for him to actually acknowledge. But just because he had a cold exterior as 007, didn’t mean he didn’t feel deeply. As a matter of fact he often wondered if his cold exterior wasn’t overly built because he felt more deeply then he should. 

Q tried to read his expression, watching James try to respond to his question, and when he saw James furrow his brow in frustration Q acquiesced. “Fine. What do you want to know?” 

“You choose.” 

“I would choose silence, you better choose,” Q bent his fingers as he slid them more securely into James’ clasp. 

“Okay, then start with Daniel. The first one. He didn’t take your virginity did he?” 

Q chuckled, “virginity. What a strange social construct, especially for a gay man. And no, he didn’t. That moment happened years earlier with someone else.”

“Who?” James asked. 

“Do you want that story or the story of Daniel? You only get one tonight.” 

“Daniel,” James answered quickly. 

“Fine,” Q rolled onto his back, his head still on James bicep as he looked up at the ceiling. “But I don’t really understand why you are so curious about this.” 

“Indulge me,” Bond smiled as he rolled to his side, tucking himself into the bare skin of Q’s ribs and hip, propping his chin on Q’s lean arm. 

Q just rolled his eyes, then shut them as he started talking to the ceiling. “I met Daniel when I was in graduate school, he was a professor who worked down the hall from my advisor.”

“Am I allowed to ask questions?” James asked, “or will you short circuit this story if I do?”

“What question could you possibly already have?” Q looked sideways at him with a huff.

“What degree were you getting?”

Q pursed his lips and sighed, “you know that is technically confidential. You aren’t supposed to know my background James.” 

“I’m not supposed to read your file. That doesn’t mean you can’t choose to tell me.” 

Q was quiet, debating about what he wanted to say, “I was in school studying for a Ph.D. in applied mathematics. Happy now?”

“I was right, I should be calling you doctor Q” 

“No, you really should not.” Q said dismissively.

“You didn’t finish it?” James sounded surprised.

“Of course I finished it, I always finish what I start.” Q grumbled. “Really.”

“Okay, okay, back to Daniel. Your professor and lover.”

“He wasn’t my professor. I never slept with anyone who taught me, he was a professor in the department who I got to know…”

“Intimately.” Bond chuckled.

“James!” Q chastised him. “Do you want to hear this or not?”

“Yes, yes, sorry.” James shut up. 

“I looked up to Daniel. I thought I might want to be a professor some day and he was smart and funny and well respected. And he took an interest in me. It was my first department holiday party and he brought me a drink while I stood awkwardly with two other new graduate students and he introduced himself to all of us. I was too socially awkward to realize he was focusing his attention on me, but my friends figured it out and made excuses to leave us alone. I went home with him that night. I let him do whatever he wanted.”

“Did he hurt you?” James stiffened, his voice tight.

“What?” Q looked at Bond and saw his expression. “No, no, he never hurt me, I just meant that I was not that knowledgeable then, he was sixteen years older than I was. God he was the age I am now.” Q chuckled ironically, “I thought he was so worldly then.”

“Wait, you were in graduate school at twenty? Jesus, how old were you when you graduated from college?” James asked.

Q shot him a withering look. 

“Never mind, go on,” James prompted him. “You weren’t as knowledgeable then.”

“Right, knowledgeable about myself… about sex, about what I liked and didn’t like. Daniel helped me explore. He was patient with me.” 

“So what happened?” James persisted. He had to admit he was finding himself weirdly jealous of the idea of some man other than him teaching Q about sex, of knowing Q’s body at such a tender age.

“So we were together until I graduated.” Q said.

“You said you were only together for two years.” 

“Yeah,” Q nodded, “that’s right.”

“You finished a Ph.D. in two years?” James’ chin bounced on Q’s bicep as he spoke. “You can’t be serious.”

Q nodded, “I did. My first one anyway.” 

“You have more than one?”

“I have two, well three degrees, no, I guess technically four.”

“What?”

Q turned his head to look at James. “I have a Ph.D. in applied mathematics, that was the first one I earned here in England.”

“While you were with Daniel.”

“Yes.” Q nodded.

“And the others? You said you have four?” James’ voice dropped at the end, he was suddenly feeling very stupid. 

“Well, one is my undergraduate degree in maths. And then I earned the first Ph.D. and then I did a Ph.D. in computer science, while I also earned a masters degree in mechanical engineering in Germany.” Q said like it was no big deal. 

“Really? So you also speak German?” Bond closed his eyes and shook his head, making Q’s arm shift. 

“Yes really. The Germans have the best engineering programs. How else do you think I learned the skills to design the stuff I send you out in the field with? ” Q raised his head, looking incredulously at James for a moment. 

“Oh, I don’t know. In your basement? Taking apart microwaves?” James offered. 

“Really James, I would think it would make you feel better knowing your quartermaster is well educated.” 

“It does Q, really it does.” James said quickly, “I mean I always knew you were smart, a genius even, but, well…”

“What?” Q prompted him.

“Nothing, never mind, back to the two years you were with Daniel.” 

“I was writing my thesis, getting ready to defend it, when I found out Daniel had no plans to continue our relationship once I graduated.” Q said, his voice flat. A sure sign Bond had learned to read that Q was covering his emotions. 

“Why not?” James asked gently.

Q was quiet, lost in his own thoughts for a moment, “What?” 

“Why did he end it?”

Q swallowed hard and looked at the ceiling, “I don’t actually know. I found out through a friend that Daniel had been seen with another young man, a new graduate student.” 

“He liked to be the teacher,” James offered. 

“I suppose so,” Q said, “that’s a nice way of putting it.” Q wiped at the corner of his eye, he had always struggled to keep his emotions under check, and it’s why he didn’t often talk about his personal life. “Things between us had gotten more strained the further I got into my degree. He tried to dismiss my research and when I published my first set of papers, which would become my thesis he didn’t acknowledge them.” 

“He was jealous is my guess. You outgrew him and he felt insecure.” James offered. He certainly wasn’t trying to let this guy off the hook for breaking Q’s heart and being a bastard. He was more trying to help Q think about how he was the bigger person in this. 

“Probably.” Q sighed. “I have that effect on people more then I would like. I’ve never understood it. I don’t judge people for what they do, for who they are, and yet I’ve always felt judged.” 

“Is that why you told me you feel alone?” 

Q grew stiff, twisting away to turn onto his side, bouncing James’ chin off his arm as he rolled, his back now to Bond. “So I think that is probably enough about Daniel.” Q deflected James’ statement. 

James frowned at Q’s dismissal but he understood. Q was feeling vulnerable and James had just reminded him of something larger then Daniel and he felt bad about it. He leaned in to kiss Q on the shoulder, running his hand down Q’s side to caress his hip, then smooth over his arse, cupping one soft cheek. “Thank you for telling me,” James whispered as he continued to pepper Q’s shoulder and back with kisses as Q rolled even further away. “Any chance you are still discovering all the things you like?” He slid a finger into the top of the cleft of Q’s arse, sliding it lower to circle and play around the soft giving skin he found that was still slippery from their earlier explorations. 

“James,” Q whispered his name. 

James slipped the tip of his finger inside, “do you want me to stop?” He could feel his own cock waking up, suddenly interested again. 

Q rolled further onto his stomach, spreading his legs slightly, allowing James deeper. James smiled, he would take that as an invitation to continue. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: I told James about Daniel. I’m honestly not sure why. I guess I thought he deserved to know given how long we’ve now been sleeping together, given how long we’ve been in this relationship, because I guess I have to admit we really are in one. 

Only Eve knows the details of my past, well, and I guess Tanner and Mallory since they rank above me and the barest of information about my past relationships is in my file. But it’s only been Eve who I’ve talked to about them. But telling James is different. Eve is my confidant, my co-conspirator in heartbreak over greasy chips and bad ale. Telling James was like opening my heart and risking that I wouldn’t bleed all over. I didn’t. But I felt like I might. This is hard for me. But if we have a future, he deserves to know. Hard to imagine a future, I don’t know what a future with James Bond looks like honestly. But I do know that I’m going searching for details on Brian and Alec, because now I’m curious. 

~~~


	25. Peter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the half way point. 
> 
> The last chapter about Q's first boyfriend Daniel was the first one to start to transition to more serious plot after enjoying so much time with them establishing the fun in their relationship. 
> 
> Not sure how well it was received, lots of people seemed to be reading, but not much feedback. I do hope everyone is still enjoying it. Lots to unpack and discover with them in the next parts of the story.

Chapter 25: Peter

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Official log for 007 field equipment-Walther hand guns:  
Requisitioned: 83  
Returned:26  
Returned in one piece and actually working: 11 

Unfortunately have had to reset the sign for 007 in my office that says : "_(number) ___ of missions without losing equipment" from eleven back to zero again. 

 

~~~

“Q, tell me about Peter.” James went for the direct approach. It had been more than two weeks since James had managed to get Q to open up about Daniel and James was more curious then ever about Q’s past. 

Q looked up from the menu in front of him and frowned at James looking over the top of his glasses. “Why would you suddenly ask me that now? We haven’t even ordered yet.” Then dismissed James and went back to looking at his menu.

“Because our waiter is named Peter and I want to know about him.” James smiled impishly, teasing Q. 

“You want to know about our waiter? Ask him.” Q quipped, his eyebrows going up as he tilted his head sideways still reading the menu and not looking up at James. 

“No, I want to know about your Peter, smart arse.” James rolled his eyes.

“The waiter was not my boyfriend.” Q looked up calmly at the said named waiter as he returned to the table and overheard Q. 

Peter the waiter smiled at Q and said, “no, but I’d be happy to be.” James shot Peter a stern look, which made Peter wilt and poor Peter was now afraid to make eye contact with either James or Q. 

“Ignore him,” Q looked up at the waiter with a sweet smile, “he is an idiot.” He then ordered a glass of chianti wine, the bruschetta appetizer to share and the chicken piccata for his meal before handing his menu to Peter and then looking to James to let him order next, a serene smile on his face. 

James ordered without ever looking at the waiter, his eyes focused on Q, who met his stare without a blink. Handing his menu up, he watched Peter the waiter disappear from his peripheral vision. “Now will you tell me?”

Q held his gaze a moment longer, before looking down to grab his napkin, unfolding it and laying it across his lap and then looking up and saying calmly, “no.” 

“Why not?” James refused to let Q’s nonchalance about this fluster him. 

Q rolled his eyes and waved his hands in the air in response. “Why would I James? Here we are having a nice meal after you’ve been gone for five days, and I’ll remind you the reason we are having this nice meal is because you are apologizing to me for losing my tech in the Seine, and you want to ruin it by making me talk about my past relationships?”

“Not relationships, just one. Peter.” James smiled and winked at his boyfriend, settling his own napkin in his lap with a snap of his wrist, then leaned forward pensively to wait for Q to start.

Q sighed deeply and shook his head, “you know, you should really take a few lessons from Moneypenny. Eve knows not to ask me to talk about things I don’t want to talk about until I’m on at least my third drink.” 

Bond smirked and when Peter the waiter brought Q his glass of chianti and James his bourbon on the rocks, James went ahead and ordered a bottle of the chianti for the table. Q just rolled his eyes and sighed. But by the time the chianti was half gone Q had finally acquiesced. 

“You really want to know about Peter?” He asked, reaching across the table to stab a tortellini off James’ plate, his dinner looking more appetizing then Q’s own. 

“Yes.” James said, pushing his plate closer to Q, happy to share since he knew whenever he was gone Q never really ate very much. James had started doubling anything he cooked while he was in London so Q would have leftovers to eat while James was away. But even with reminders from James, Q pretty much ignored them, which led to James cleaning out the fridge when he got back, having to instead restock the toast and black currant jam supply. 

“Fine. But you are not going to like this story, and I anticipate that you’ll be angry when I’m done. Are you sure you want me to tell you this here?” Q looked at James with a serious expression. 

Bond wasn’t quite sure how to answer that but he also knew if he didn’t get Q to tell him now the likelihood of it happening later was remote. “Yes, tell me.” 

“Right.” Q nodded, pursing his lips and taking a deep sigh before subconsciously running his hands down the front of his cardigan as he sat. “After Daniel broke my heart, I swore off relationships. I had just finished my degree and was planning to focus on my career.”

“And just what career options are there for people with a Ph.D. in applied mathematics?” James asked with only a bit of sarcasm in his voice. 

Q ignored the sarcasm, nodding his head, “Exactly! I quickly discovering that a Ph.D. in applied mathematics wasn’t going to get me very far unless all I wanted to do was teach applied mathematics. Another colleague in grad school suggested I get an engineering degree and I’d get a job for sure. Really applied mathematics is just one step from engineering.” 

“Of course it is,” James said with a smile making Q roll his eyes and shake his head. 

“But I wanted to get far away from Daniel, so I applied for a masters program in Germany.” 

“Where you met Peter.” James prompted.

“Yes, where I met Peter. I wasn’t planning on looking for a new relationship, but after I left England I couldn’t get over the loneliness, and I didn’t want to think about Daniel anymore. So I went to a gay bar to find someone to distract me.”

“Well that sounds familiar” Bond smirked. 

“Shut up.” Q said, raising his eyebrows at Bond. “Tease me and I won’t tell you any more of this.”

“Sorry.” James said contritely, “please continue.”

“I met Peter on the dance floor. He was exquisite. Red hair that he wore long in the front and short on the sides. Tattoos up and down his arms, and along his ribs and other…”

“I get it, he was heavily inked,” Bond stopped him from further elaboration. 

“And piercings. He had this tongue piercing…” Q had reached up with his finger to stick out his own tongue to show James where it was. 

“Really? You are into piercings?” Bond bit down on his back teeth. 

Q paused, eyebrows up looking at James more closely, “You asked to hear about this you know.” 

“I know,” James nodded, lifting a hand to encourage him to continue.

“And no, I’m not necessarily into piercings. I don’t go looking for people who have them, he just happened to, and remember he was supposed to be my anti-Daniel.” Q continued.

James just nodded. 

“I just wanted someone to help me forget, and Peter certainly did. I didn’t expect to develop any feelings for him, and I’m pretty sure he never felt for me what I did for him based on how he treated me.” Q poured himself another glass of chianti. “In the end I left him after he left me tied to a bed and went on a cocaine binge and forgot about me for nearly a full day. I couldn’t get him to break his addiction.” Q sat back and took another sip of his wine. 

James just stared at him waiting for him to continue. When Q did not continue, James prompted rather loudly, “come on Q, you can’t just tell me that much. You can’t stop THERE!” 

“Oh yes I can.” Q answered sipping his wine, a small telling grin on his lips. 

“Oh no you can’t.” James leaned forward his hands waving in small circles. “You left out a whole lot there in the middle. He left you tied to a bed?” Then Bond sat back, a confused look on his face. “Wait…are you into bondage Q?”

“No, Peter was. And I was into Peter.” Q said it, like it was nothing.

“He tied you to the bed. What else did he do to you? Did he hurt you?” 

“Not intentionally.” Q took another sip of wine.

“Q!” Bond was becoming enraged.

“I told you, you wouldn’t like this story.” Q said with a neutral face.

“But Eve said you were never the one to break it off.” James put both hands on the edge of the table.

“Bloody hell! I knew you had talked to Eve!” Q sat forward shaking his head pulling out his phone to text her. He shot off a quick message, “Eve, you and I need to have a talk tomorrow. How many of my secrets have you told Bond?”

James ignored Q’s comment as he texted Eve. “But you said you didn’t think he felt the same way about you that you felt for him because of how he treated you. What the hell did he do to you? You can’t leave all of that out.” 

“Oh yes I can.” Q said defiantly. “Do you want dessert tonight? I feel like ice cream,” time for Q to start to deflect.

“Q!” James leaned forward. “You said he broke your heart, but if he wasn’t treating you well, how could you be in love with him?” 

“The heart doesn’t always follow the mind and common sense James.” Q said flatly, “you should know that as much as anyone.”

“So he did hurt you,” James spoke through closed teeth.

Q took a breath and looked at James reading the emotions on his boyfriend’s, his deadly, he reminded himself, boyfriend’s face. “Everything I did was consensual,” Q clarified as he held James’ eyes with his own. 

“You’re parsing your choice of words Q.” James mind was running in too many directions. His memory of intercepting Q before the man at the bar could take him home, suggestions of wanting to tie Q up and shag him at the front of his mind. 

“I didn’t leave him because of his sexual proclivities James,” Q answered, now not meeting his eyes. “I left him because he was spiraling into drug addiction and he wouldn’t go to rehab. I loved him, and he wouldn’t try, he was willing to let me walk away in order to keep using.” 

“I see.” James said quietly sitting back, he knew he wasn’t going to get much more from Q at this point. “And where is he now?”

“I don’t know. Remember, I was living abroad when I met Peter, he and I were together about two years, I was just finishing my masters degree and I was well into the Ph.D. research in computer science which I could finish from anywhere. You know, the perks of the internet and all that,” Q waved his hands in the air in dismissal before continuing, “so I made a clean break when I left to come back to England.” 

Bond sat quietly, pondering what he had just learned. “I think I’m ready to go home, shall we get the bill?” He was looking at his lap and didn’t raise his head to look at Q as he spoke. 

“Sure,” Q nodded slowly. He knew James wasn’t going to respond well to his history with Peter and he felt his stomach flutter with nerves as he could feel the tension rolling off James. Q raised his arm to get Peter the waiter’s attention. Peter had been smart enough to read that there was a difficult conversation happening at the table and had left them alone. 

The bill paid, Q was putting on his jacket when he couldn’t stand the quiet anymore. James hadn’t really said anything since Q had finished telling him about Peter and Q realized now that he didn’t know what James meant when he said he was ready to go home. “James?”

“Hmmm?” he was shrugging on his own jacket, his back to Q. 

“When you said you were ready to go home, what did you mean? Your flat? Are we going separate ways tonight? Did what I tell you about my sexual history with Peter change what you think about me?” Q had to know. He wasn’t used to feeling uncertain about James’ intentions and it was making him feel nauseous. 

“No, of course it hasn’t changed with I think about you Q. Why would you think that?” James raised his eyes and looked intently at Q. 

“Because of what I let Peter do to me…” Q said quietly.

“That was between you and Peter,” James said quickly. “And I meant your flat when I said I wanted to go home. We spend much more time there then at mine.” James reached for Q’s muffler to tuck it into his jacket, the weather outside was blustery. “Unless you don’t want me to come back to your place.” Neither of them was feeling very confident at the moment.

“I want you,” Q said looking straight into James’ icy blue eyes and let James interpret that anyway he wanted. 

~~~

Post-coital James couldn’t help but broach the subject again with Q, even though he had been very careful when they had ended up in bed together after dinner to not do anything to make Q nervous or to second guess his intentions given Q’s revelations about Peter. “Q?”

“Hmmm?” Q was nearly asleep, he always went sleepy after sex, even morning or afternoon dalliances resulted in Q needing a nap. Sexual endorphins always made Q completely relax. James wished it worked that way for him, but usually he felt wired after sex and it took him a while to wind down again. But James had learned that if he was careful about what he asked he could get Q to open up and share a bit more before succumbing completely to the heavy weight of his sated body.

“Did you like it when Peter tied you down?” James asked cautiously.

Q opened his eyes more fully, suddenly alert, turning his head to try to read James’ expression. “Why are you asking me?” 

“Can you ever just answer a question?” James laughed as he looked down at Q, propped on his elbow beside him.

“Why? Do you want to tie me down?” Q suddenly sat up next to James, the sheet pooling in his lap. 

“I didn’t say that,” James answered quickly, rolling onto his back and looking up at the ceiling realizing that this was perhaps a bad idea to ask about this.

“Besides, you’ve already tied me to a chair,” Q quipped rolling his eyes, his hands flexing in the edge of the sheet that lay across his hips.

“That was different, and you know it.” Bond laughed, his hand coming out to brush across the small of Q’s back. 

Q took a breath as he turned more deliberately and looked at Bond, studying his face, his eyes trailing down his shoulders and arms, over his chest, his body scarred from injuries and more than one gunshot. “I just wouldn’t think, given what you’ve been through when you’ve been restrained…”

“I didn’t say I wanted to restrain you Q!” James interrupted him quickly, covered his face with his hands. “Never mind. Forget I asked.” 

Q sat quietly for a few moments, then he turned away not looking at him as he answered James. “It wasn’t about being restrained in particular. It was about Peter’s ability to get me out of my own head. I was really struggling. After Daniel had hurt me, and really even before Daniel I had always felt…” Q was looking for the right word, he settled on “lost… and not connected, my father…”

“Your father?” James was now looking intently at Q’s back as Q spoke, wanting to reach out to touch him but holding his hands back.

Q shook his head “Oh, my father is a conversation for another day…” Q sighed. “Suffice to say I was lost, and confused. Peter helped me focus. When he would…”

James didn’t say anything when Q paused, letting the silence sit as Q continued to consider what he wanted to say. 

He started again, briefly looking at James then turning away again. “When he would push me out of my comfort zone, when he would make me respond. I could let go and be free. I could let him decide for me…” Q paused again before saying more strongly, “I could clear my head.” 

James understood. He also knew that Q had found a substitute for this, Q always used the phrase ‘clear my head’ when he talked about the need to run.

“It wasn’t that I wanted him to hurt me. He didn’t. Not really. I just wanted to let go.” Q looked over his shoulder at James, seeking affirmation. James gave him a small nod, but Q sighed as he turned away again, “but when he used, he became more aggressive. He stopped listening. Sometimes we’d be together and Peter would be clean, but then he’d tie me down, and he’d go get high and I never knew what would happen when he came back.”

James reached out and put a hand on Q’s thigh beneath the duvet. “You don’t have to say anymore Q.” 

Q turned to James and wiped his eyes with the back of his hands, the tears threatening to spill down his cheeks, “I wanted to help him.” 

Bond just nodded. Then Q melted, curling down to put his head on James’ chest, going quiet. James was internally seething, knowing that there was possibly a person out there who had done that to Q. His only hope was that Peter was dead already, but Q didn’t seem to know, and Eve had insinuated that one of Q’s boyfriends had died which meant that it had to have been Sam. The only relationship Q hadn’t been willing to talk about, yet. 

Q raised his head after a while, clearly he had been thinking and he had something more he wanted to say. “James,” he struggled to put a smile on his face, pushing himself up more onto his elbows. “I want you to know, just to be clear. I’m willing to do anything you want to do.” Q paused, sliding a hand under James’ shoulder before putting his head back down on James’ chest. “I trust you.” 

James felt his heart pang and took a breath. “I trust you too Q.” 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: I said too much tonight. I think we’re okay, but I don’t think I should have told James about what Peter did to me. The expression on his face, I could see him get angry, and then like I’ve seen a hundred times as I’ve watched him on cameras I saw him hide his reactions. James has this way of shuttering what’s happening, his eyes go sharp but there is no emotion in them. But I was too far in to pull back and the only way through was to finish the story, and it doesn’t help that I had too much wine, and my caution was too far gone. For the first time I felt like I had done something that made him pull away from me, and I really thought he might not come home with me tonight. Sex tonight was cautious, I’m not sure either of us knew if it was the right thing to do, but we’re good at it together, and it was easy to fall into bed and pretend that the difficult conversation earlier hadn’t happened. It’s why I was so surprised when James brought it up again later. I don’t know why he asked. I don’t know what he wanted me to say. All I could be was honest. There is a reason one’s past should stay in the past. But I know he’s not going to let this go now. And I really don’t want to talk about Sam. 

~~~


	26. Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *edited to explain how in the world James and Q have come to enjoy pancakes for breakfast... (Sorry, you'll just have to reread the chapter to learn the backstory.)

Chapter 26: Sam

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: I’m going to set up a remote electric shock that I can use to make Bond stop talking whenever he starts to say something on public communication that he shouldn’t say. He’s bloody relentless. 

~~~

“Q?”

“Yes 007?” Q was busy reading scanned building blueprints on his computer screen and was only partially listening to Bond on the ear piece. El Salvador didn’t have the best records available for their city buildings where Bond was currently on a stake out waiting for the foreign diplomat he had been sent to either retrieve, or assassinate, depending on the side he turned out to be on, which was still unclear.

“Are we ever going to talk about Sam?” James had tried three different times to broach the subject and Q shut him down immediately each time. 

Q’s eyes went wide and he immediately hit the kill switch on the comms as he activated the private line with a harsh set of keystrokes. “You do know that wasn’t the private line don’t you?” 

“Should I never say his name in public?” James was willing to push this at this point. It had been three weeks since they had talked about Peter and James was frustrated.

Q pinched the bridge of his nose, “of course his name can be said in public James. But I have no intention of talking to you about him on the internal comms that are recorded.”

“Then talk to me on the private comms. Why won’t you talk about Sam?” 

“007,” Q sighed, the frustration evident in his voice.

“Really, you are going to call me 007 on the private comm?” James huffed.

“You are on a mission, you are functioning as 007 and I’m your quartermaster. We are not talking about Sam while you are in El Salvador.” Q tried to level out his voice, to calm the frustration that James had incited.

“Fine. Then we’ll talk about him when I get back.” James said with a tone that was non negotiable. “Gotta go, I think I just spotted him.” 

Q pulled up the infrared sensor and could see the outline of three men in addition to James. “Be careful James, he’s not alone.”

“Thanks Q. Good to know.” 

And with that James went to work and Q took a deep breath needing to clear his head to help James, pushing the quick surge of memories about Sam from his mind.

~~~

“Q?”

“Yes James?”

“Please tell me about Sam.” James tried to be nonchalant about it as he leaned against the counter with a cup of fresh French pressed coffee in his hand, one bare foot crossed over the other, his blue and yellow striped pyjama bottoms hanging loose on his hips, the only thing he had pulled on when they had climbed from the tangled sheets earlier. They were both standing in the kitchen making breakfast, well Q was making breakfast, James was just drinking coffee. It was now two days since James had returned from his mission. 

Q was on the other side of the kitchen and paused, he was ready this time, actually surprised James had managed to wait this long. He put down the spatula he was using to turn pancakes. Q may not make time to cook very often, but he was actually pretty good in the kitchen and this, he had recently discovered was James' favorite breakfast, or at least his favorite post-mission.

James had discovered the American breakfast delicacy years ago on one of his earliest missions to the states, thanks to his friend Felix from the CIA who had taken him to IHOP, the International House of Pancakes restaurant. “They have a whole restaurant dedicated to pancakes?” James had been flabbergasted, then added, “but leave it to you Americans to call it the International house. Pancakes are not an International food Felix.” Felix had just smiled and handed James the menu. 

James hadn’t made them in a very long time, but after his most recent trip to San Francisco he had rediscovered them, and while James had not been the one to send Q lollies from San Francisco he HAD brought him back real maple syrup as a gift. Because in reality, it wasn’t really the pancakes that James liked so much, it was the syrup and lately it had been a bonus when it often ended up all over Q as a sticky sweet outcome. James, therefore, was now more then bemused that pancakes had become one of Q’s favorites and encouraged them for breakfast whenever he could. 

Q didn’t actually care for the syrup as much as James did, but he indulged him, because he certainly wasn’t going to dissuade James’ interest in licking it off of his fingers. He did however try to keep James’ sticky hands out of his hair. It was a nightmare to get out of his long waves and Eve didn’t believe him when he told her it was syrup the day she had tried to tame a particularly wild curl standing up above his ear and it had turned out to be crunchy. 

No, Q loved pancakes for breakfast because he had discovered he could use an empty squirt bottle to make designs before flipping them in the pan. He was particularly good at creating cat faces with whiskers, advanced pancake making included tabby stripes. James just liked to make pancakes in the shapes of guns, although Q had to admit his technique was pretty good, it was possible to tell the difference between a Walther and a Beretta. 

Q had just flipped his most recent creation, a pancake in the shape of England, which included a delineation of Hadrian’s wall across the north when James asked about Sam. He turned down the heat on the stove and walked over to stand in front of James, surprising him as Q looked him directly in the eye. 

Q paused, pursing his lips quickly. “James, this is all I’m going to say about Sam. He was the love of my life. I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. As a matter of fact he had asked me to marry him and I had said yes. Like me, Sam was an engineer and he tinkered with things. Sam’s hobby was building and modifying small airplanes. He was a certified pilot with thousands of hours of air time. He went for a short trip in a new plane he had just finished and it crashed.” 

“Q…” James could see the tears starting in Q’s eyes. 

“Let me finish,” Q wiped the back of his hands over his eyes and leaned in even closer to James. “The morning he took out the new plane he and I had fought. It was a stupid fight, it was about nothing but we said horrible things to each other. He left angry with me and went to the airfield. He shouldn’t have flown the plane yet. He hadn’t finished all the checks on it, but he was in a rush.” Q paused to swallow hard, his adam’s apple bobbing roughly in his long slender neck. “I never said goodbye to him. He died thinking I wasn’t in love with him.” 

“Q” James reached to pull the young man to him, his arms circling his back. 

But Q reached up between them to push back and James let him go. “No, no” Q took two awkward steps back, shaking his head as he looked at the ground, his arms straightened out in front of him towards James, his hands waving back and forth between them. “I don’t want your sympathy. It’s okay.” Q took a big breath and got control of his emotions, before he looked up at James again. “But when you all tease me about being afraid to fly, it isn’t a fear of airplanes James.”

James just nodded slowly. 

“And when you leave on missions and I’m insistent that we always say goodbye...” Q paused, his lip quivering, and he rolled his eyes in frustration as his emotions got the best of him again.

James interrupted the pause, desperate to give Q an out from this difficult conversation. “I understand.” 

“Do you?” Q sniffled, his eyes still turned to the ceiling, his voice wavering higher then normal. Then he dropped his eyes to look at James, wiping his nose quickly with the back of his hand, his voice now strong and deeper as he reigned in his feelings. “I hope you do. Because I won’t… I can’t talk about this again.” 

James just nodded. Then Q turned and went back to turn up the heat to finish the pancakes. James was pretty sure Q didn’t see him wipe the tears from his own eyes at what Q had just revealed.

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: I have no more to say. I’m relieved. But I also feel hollow. Sharing my memories of Sam make me feel like I’ve lost something precious, something only for me, something gone once it’s out in the world. I never thought I’d love again after Sam died. I didn’t think I could, my heart was broken so badly. I’m still not sure I can. 

So who do I pick for a boyfriend? A secret agent who is constantly in harms way. I’m an idiot. Why couldn’t I pick a boyfriend with a safe job? Like a florist? Then I’d have flowers in the flat all the time. But my luck, he’d have an unknown bee allergy and end up dying from anaphylactic shock from a bee sting. Coffee barista? I’d have to start drinking coffee, I suppose. Untimely death from exploding steamed milk machine. Librarian? Infected paper cut turns into MRSA staph infection and sepsis. Maybe trying to love an assassin isn’t any worse. Who the bloody hell am I trying to kid? He’s going to break my heart. 

~~~


	27. Brian

Chapter 27: Brian 

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: As quartermaster I take my job very seriously and it’s my responsibility to keep every agent safe. I failed an agent today. Medical assures me she’ll be fine, but it’s still a reminder that when I’m not functioning at the top of my game lives are in jeopardy. 

~~~

James was cautious with Q after finally getting him to open up about his past relationships. Q was trying to act like everything was the same between them, but James knew in hindsight he had pushed too hard. James was kicking himself, but it’s hard, even in your personal life, to stop being a spy when your job is always to search for information. He should have known better and waited for Q to offer when he was ready, but he suspected Q may have never shared anything if he hadn’t asked and he just wanted to understand.

Talking about Daniel hadn’t seemed to affect Q at all, but for weeks after Q had told James about his history with Peter James could tell that Q was overcompensating. Q was almost too responsive, too much effort to down play caution, clearly wanting to reassure James that nothing Peter had done to him affected him now. James hadn’t said anything. He didn’t want Q to become hyperaware of it, so he played along, refusing to treat Q any differently. And really, he wasn’t going to complain when Q propositioned him for sex pretty much everywhere in the flat, because that just seemed like a bonus.

But after Q had finally told him about Sam, James knew he needed to respect Q’s boundaries. For days after that brief conversation Q was withdrawn, sadness creeping into his eyes when he thought James wasn’t looking, the memories of losing Sam brought back to the forefront of Q’s thoughts. 

At MI6 Q always kept a calm countenance, an excellent poker face that served him well when stress was high and Q had to keep his team focused and in control. But in reality, when he let his guard down Q had an incredibly expressive face. His broad mouth was capable of lighting up the room with a beaming smile, but that beautiful mouth was also capable of the deepest frown. The drop in the corners of his mouth created a deep arc that not only inverted his smile, but pulled his eyes down, and then his chin would drop as well, his whole body seeming to curve down towards the ground. James felt a tangible ache of sadness every time he spotted it on Q’s face. And James hated knowing he was the one who had dredged up those memories for Q. So if James tried just a little harder to brighten Q’s day, tea appearing at his elbow unrequested, never a wet towel left on the floor, the flat suddenly tidier as James old naval training of how to spit shine kicked in, it was all in an effort to gently remind Q how much James cared for him. 

But Q was wearing down, the weight of his memories and the pressures at work were exhausting him and after four days of quiet mourning Q had disappeared to the bedroom right after dinner. James thought he had gone to retrieve a book, but when he didn’t come back to the living room James went searching for him and found him curled up on the bed, asleep having already slipped on pyjama bottoms and an old Fleet Foxes t-shirt. 

James suspected Q hadn’t actually intended to go to bed yet, no evidence that he had brushed his teeth which was always the tell-tale sign. But James knew Q had a particularly difficult day, problems with two double 0 missions, 008 having to be medically evacuated and although she would recover Q always took it personally when an agent got hurt. Added to that was the fact that James knew Q was still struggling with his memories of Sam, and it was clear that Q was mentally worn out. He stood in the doorway watching him sleep for a few minutes, studying him quietly before pulling a blanket over him, deciding a nap might be a good thing for him and then James went back out to spend some time with his girlfriend Ellie and find some ridiculous reality TV show to watch that he knew Q would likely tease him about if he caught him. 

When James finally climbed into bed with Q a few hours later, both cats following him from the living room he turned off the light and sighed with emotion when Q intuitively turned to him in his sleep, climbing into his arms before Ellie could even fight him for the spot. James immediately wrapped his arms around him and hugged him closer, he could feel the weight of weariness in Q’s heavy limbs, and leaned down to kiss the top of Q’s mop of hair. He was surprised when just a minute later he heard Q’s voice, “would you tell me about Brian?” 

James closed his eyes briefly, bringing one hand up to card through Q’s waves, brushing his hair back behind his ear, Q’s cheek resting on his chest. “What do you want to know?” 

“Anything you want to tell me.” Q said quietly. 

James sighed again, he hadn’t thought about Brian in a long time. “Hmm, let me see. He was from Manchester.”

“Mancunian accent?” Q asked.

“Yep,” James laughed, “missed half the syllables in the middle of words and dropped the endings off the rest.”

“Boond, James Boond,” Q said quietly making James guffaw. Q giggled and James beamed, he hadn’t heard that sound come from Q in days. 

“What else?” Q asked. 

“We were both young, about the same age. He was taller then I was, a ginger with freckles all over. I had joined the Royal Navy Reserves a year before he did, he was a diver.” The memories were coming back. “He looked really good in a wet suit.” 

“Did he now?” Q chuckled. 

“Mmm, that’s how I met him. Climbing on board a ship after a training mission. He had a cute arse.” 

Q lifted his head and propped his chin on James’ chest pressing down on his pectoral muscle as he spoke, “Really? You are going to tell me about your first boyfriends arse?” 

James flinched, Q purposely pushing hard on his chest muscle. “Yes really. I have a thing for arses. That’s what I first noticed about you too you know.” 

Q rolled his eyes. “My arse?” 

“Mmm,” James smiled down at him, seeing Q’s eyes warm as he looked up at him. Then he saw him scowl.

“That can’t possibly be true,” Q rolled his eyes. “Our first meeting was at the national gallery and I was wearing an anorak that covered my arse. And you looked at me with disdain when I first sat down beside you.” 

James laughed, “I didn’t know who you were. I thought you were trying to pick me up.” 

“Well, in a way I was,” Q laughed.

James smirked, “Mmm, well once you had my attention I guess I have to admit first thing I noticed were those gorgeous eyes, and this mop of hair,” James reached up to run his hands through his curls again, “and that red pouty bottom lip that smiled at me after we sparred about Turner’s painting. But when you walked away from me I totally looked at your arse.” 

Q’s cheeks went pink in a blush making James smile. “Yes, well I never knew that did I. Took you long enough to actually admit it.” 

“I know,” James sighed, tugging Q up to him to kiss him. “I’m sorry.” 

Q kissed him back, then edged back down to lie on James’ shoulder again, “now tell me more about Brian, besides the fact that his arse looked good in a wetsuit.” 

James sighed, trying to figure out what stories to tell Q, understanding that Q was asking because he was slowly rebuilding and wanted to fill in empty spaces. 

So for an hour James regaled Q with stories from the navy, of the trouble he and Brian would get into together, clearly bad influences on each other and many a late night drinking at the pub in various ports. They had developed a rhythm together, and since their relationship couldn’t be public, homosexuality in the royal navy was not recognized until the late 90s, they both learned to flirt with women when they would be out with other officers, even as their thighs brushed and hands drifted below the table top. 

Q interrupting his story, “wait, is that how you became so good at flirting with women for missions?” 

“Maybe, I certainly had a lot of practice.” James snickered. 

Eventually James brought the stories to a close. “In the end, I got promoted as did Brian. He was restationed to lead a training program for new diving recruits. We knew we weren’t going to be able to see each other regularly anymore and for a few weeks we contemplated trying to make things work long distance, but in reality our relationship was one of convenience. We liked being together, and the sex was great.” James could feel Q shake his head in dismay across his shoulder at that comment. “But that wasn’t enough to keep us together. So we parted as friends.” 

Q lifted his head to look at James. “Did you ever see him again?” 

“Only once, we crossed paths at an official naval ceremony a year later.”

“Did his arse still look good?” Q teased him. 

“I don’t know, he wasn’t wearing a wetsuit.” James laughed. 

“Well apparently you spotted mine through an anorak. I’ve seen those military uniforms, good arses are easy to spot.” 

James smirked, “I guess I must not have looked.” James shifted position, bouncing Q on his shoulder, making him roll closer, his arm wrapping around James’ waist. “We said hello. Small talk. Then another man came up to stand beside him, and because I knew the cues Brian and I had used, I could tell he was clearly with this other man.” 

Q looked up, “were you hurt by that?”

“No, I was happy for him actually. I don’t know if they stayed together. It would still be years before they could have gone public. I had left the RNR for MI6 long before that.” 

“And that was where you met Alec.” Q said. 

“Yes, but let’s not talk about Alec tonight.” James sighed. “That is a very different story.” 

He felt Q brush his lips against his skin as he turned his head, “thank you for telling me.” 

James brought his hand up to run his fingers along Q’s arm, brushing his nails over his bare skin. “Your welcome,” James said quietly. “I don’t want to have secrets from you Q.”

“I don’t want that either,” Q said. 

But they both knew they both had whole caches of secrets the other didn’t know, and maybe never could. Both independently trying to make sense of how much could be enough. They lay quietly together, both content for the moment until James asked, “so…are we going to sleep now?” 

Q chuckled, “we probably should. It’s getting late, I’ve kept you up telling me stories, I’m sorry. I think my early nap has thrown me off.”

“Not sleepy?” James asked. 

“Mmm, maybe I’ll go find something to read, I can let you go to sleep.” Q misread the intent of James’ question and tried to push up with his arm to move away but James grabbed his wrist with his hand. 

“No, no, don’t go. I know a sure fire way to make you sleepy.” James smiled. 

“Oh?” Q snickered, “you do?” 

“Mmm, I do indeed,” then James tugged him down, rolling to cover him with his own body, a lusty kiss pressed to his mouth, “have I ever told you how cute your arse is, in that long anorak you wear?” 

Q laughed, “I’ve heard that recently, yes. I think I’d like to see yours in your officer’s uniform.” 

“I think I can arrange that,” James said, smiling against Q’s mouth before sliding his tongue inside to stop the conversation and distract Q for a while.

As a result Q slept particularly well that night, so well in fact that he missed his alarm in the morning, much to James’ delight who was used to waking up alone when Q would leave to go running. Instead James used the opportunity to gently coax Q awake, a long slow snog to arouse him before once again taking the opportunity to remind him how much he was loved, even if James was still careful not to say it, worried he’d scare Q off given all he had learned in the past month. 

After that night, James was relieved to realize that slowly Q was coming back to himself, memories seemed to be fading, weight lifting from his shoulders, frowns less frequent. 

At least that was true until James had to leave for the next mission four days later. This was the first time they had to say goodbye to one another since Q’s revelation and standing there facing Q in his office Bond finally understood the look in Q’s eyes that had been there every single damn time James left and James had always dismissed it as endearing affection. But that wasn’t what it was, it was Q unable to hide his fear of loss, his fear that James might not actually come back. 

James saw it this time and understood it, turning immediately to close Q’s office door and then marching back to pull Q close, kissing his temple roughly as he brushed his mouth against Q’s ear whispering, “I will always come back to you.” 

He felt Q nod, his forehead resting on James’ shoulder for only a second before standing taller and breaking James’ embrace. His eyes were glassy, but Q was working hard to calm his expression. He reached up to cup James’ face in his hands, bringing James’ mouth to his for a kiss, before replying, “I know you will always try.” Then he sighed, an uneven smile not matching the down turn of his eyes. “Now go.” 

James nodded, his eyes flickering over Q’s face one more time before he sighed and reached down to Q’s desk to grab his passport and then turned to leave. Q followed behind him, his pace two steps back from James to reach the door as James passed through it, closing it behind him to give Q a few minutes before he had to face anyone else. Deep breaths as he pressed his forehead to the back of the door, his hand still on the knob, he finally stood, his composure back in place before settling back at his desk. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: It’s time to let go of Sam. I was angry with James for forcing me to talk about him, all the memories flooding back again, but maybe it’s what I needed. I don’t think I ever really mourned him, I’ve felt such guilt for what happened. But now, having James by my side I think I can finally say goodbye to Sam. I know James wants to be with me, I know he loves me, maybe I’m finally ready to say it back now. 

~~


	28. Q-uriousity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should be including quirky chapter summaries because they provide a box to do so. But I almost never write anything here. Most of the time I hope the writing stands on it's own and doesn't need an explanation. I guess I trust you all to tell me if it doesn't make sense or you need a summary to figure it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I do wonder however if I'm swamping everyone with updates coming as quickly as I'm offering them. I've been lucky to have enough time to edit about a chapter a day. Too much too quickly??)
> 
> Oh! Oh! Oh! Edited to add that I just realized this chapter pushes this long winded, meandering, complicated love affair of a story over 100,000 words. (And we still have twenty+ chapters to go) Maybe I could learn to be more concise... but they are too much fun to write about.

Chapter 28: Q-uriousity

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Have fallen behind on a number of projects and even with delegation to R and now S and T, have been faced with staying late to finish files or having to work off site. Have set up reinforced server security and put in place two additional password layers, which allows me personal access from home, but did not consider risk of file deletion due to felines stepping on keyboard. Need to set up automatic save on all files every twenty seconds to prevent losing important data. 

~~~

James had made a list of the missing pieces of the puzzle he still hoped to fill in to the shape of the lithe, broad shouldered, square jawed, hazel eyed, wavy haired, snarky mouthed, occasionally stroppy genius called Q. 

Q’s parents were still a mystery, Q had hinted about problems with his father in his past, and then there was still the question of Q’s money and how Q could afford the house he owned in the midlands. 

James already knew Q could speak German, but he suspected Q might actually be a polyglot. He was pretty sure Q spoke at least a smattering of Portuguese, and apparently also Croatian, James reminded himself, having seen the paperwork in Q’s office when Q had arranged for the execution of his captors. But his favorite were the hints of French that snuck out when Q wasn’t paying attention, particularly when he was out of his mind with pleasure. 

The French words Q knew made James chuckle, a sexy quirky smile sliding up one side of his mouth as he thought about it. Q wasn’t particularly loquacious during sex, communication more often through panted breaths and moans of encouragement, the occasional English word if Q really wanted to get James attention or change something. But James tended to hear a lot of French when he would pin Q to a wall and sink to his knees in front of him, which he did surprisingly frequently when he thought back over the last few months. He really did love catching Q by surprise, and James and Q had both learned that when Q was stressed and needed to reset his troubled mind that a blow job was always an efficient way to take Q’s brain off line for a minute and reboot the computer in his head. Because unlike nearly every other kind of sexual encounter for Q, blow jobs didn’t seem to make him as sleepy, much to Q’s surprise and to both of their delight, when he finally figured that out. 

Q hypothesized it was because it was so focused. Apparently when James only stimulated particular nerve endings Q could keep himself from sliding down the dopamine and oxytocin crash that always led to naptime. But when James over stimulated all of him, from his toes to his tossled hair, which when pulled on lightly made him absolutely hum with pleasure Q became an absolute garbled mess. Who knew how many languages were coming out of his mouth when that happened, and it always left him a limp limbed puddle that needed sleep to reset. Q was actually more well rested now then he had ever been in his life and James was quite proud of that fact. 

In reality the list of questions James still had about his boffin was always growing, but the one at the very top continued to be James’ curiousity about Q’s name. He had no problem calling him Q, it’s who he was, but after Q had told him about Daniel, Peter and Sam, James had spent his free time between missions trying to piece together Q’s background. James hadn’t yet been able to find an applied mathematics professor named Daniel in any of the British Universities, hoping if he could find Daniel and the right school, then he could find a list of graduates from the years Q would have been there and start to narrow it down. But he just keep hitting road block after road block and only recently started picking up on clues based more on what was missing then what was actually present. Gaps in the records James could find were beginning to look like Q’s history had been erased, records scrubbed clean and it was driving James crazy. 

So even though he really had learned his lesson about pushing Q on his secrets, he couldn’t help but try again. 

“Q what happened in your past that has made your name such a secret?” 

He had been watching Q get ready for bed for the last fifteen minutes as Q wandered around the bedroom half undressed with his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth, continually checking the progress on a file download on his laptop. James hated it when Q brought the laptop in the bedroom, it always meant he planned to work, which James thought was a breach in the agreement about what bedrooms should be used for, which was sleeping and sex, but not necessarily in that order. 

“Nothing. I don’t know what you are talking about. Lots of people have confidential names at MI6,” Q deflected the questions, then remembered his toothbrush and reaching up to scrub a bit more before heading back to the bathroom to rinse and spit. 

“Not true,” James protested, watching Q’s bare back disappear momentarily, he raised his voice to make sure Q could hear him. “M’s name is Mallory, Tanner isn’t a secret, Moneypenny isn’t a secret, even my name isn’t a secret, even if I have a code name 007. And the former Q actually had a name, Geoffrey Boothroyd. Your name isn’t Geoffrey is it?”

“No, my name is not Geoffrey, and I know M and every one else would really prefer if you didn’t always lead with announcing YOUR real name to everyone. We provide covers for a reason you know. And do you really think Moneypenny is Eve’s real name? You realize the secretary for M has been called Moneypenny for years.” Q yelled from the bathroom in reply.

“It’s Administrative Assistant, not secretary and you are deflecting.” Then Bond processed what Q said, “Wait, are you serious, her name isn’t really Moneypenny?”

“I’m always serious Bond.” Q fixed a hard stare on James hoping he’d drop the subject as he walked back into the bedroom. 

“No you are not, you’re just always serious at work. So why is your real name so damn confidential.” James rolled and propped himself up on his elbow to finish watching Q get ready for bed. 

“James…” Q sighed in exasperation, turning his back to the man lying in his bed as he dropped his trousers and quickly shimmied into his pyjama bottoms, which really were James’ pyjama bottoms but Q had stolen them as his own long ago. 

“Did you do something horrible before they hired you that they are keeping hidden and they had to give you a new identity?” 

“Like a witness protection program?” Q snickered, picking up his clothes to toss in the hamper to be washed.

“Yes,” James smirked. “What did you do?”

“Nothing. I’m not in a witness protection program.” Q rolled his eyes. 

“Not like you could tell me if you were,” James huffed, flopping onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. 

“Exactly! So stop asking James.” Q finally climbed up and over James with his laptop in hand, kicking at the duvet on his side of the bed in order to sit down in front of the pillows. 

James rolled his eyes at the ceiling in exasperation and then rolled over to nudge Q with his elbows, pushing at Q’s laptop to move it off his lap so James could prop his chin on Q’s thigh. He’d climb into Q’s lap if he could, more than one night Q accused James of being more like a giant lap dog then a boyfriend. “Tell me,” James whined. 

Q closed his eyes in frustration and twisted his waist as he set the laptop on the pillow beside him, ignoring James as he went back to working on the file. “No.” 

James didn’t move his chin. He knew Q wasn’t in a comfortable position and that this wouldn’t last long. He opted for casual distraction, his hand slinking around the back of Q’s hips to tug at the waist band of his pyjamas, his other hand sliding over Q’s knee, to stroke along the inside of his leg. 

“Knock it off James. I have to finish this. I’ll go work on the couch if you can’t keep your hands to yourself.” Q was behind on several projects because of James’ extended missions, which had kept Q on comms and out of the lab. 

James debated about whether Q was serious about that threat and decided he really wasn’t. “Not witness protection,” James muttered to himself, knowing Q was listening. James’ fingers continued to drift over Q’s lower back just inside his waist band, Q didn’t leave the bed, James smiled knowing he had read Q correctly. “Then you must have done something to help uncover state secrets. Some other government is interested in you is my guess.” He saw Q’s fingers pause on the keyboard briefly, James smiled, he was on the right track. “Is that how they test you to see if you are qualified to be Quartermaster these days? See if you can hack another governments’ tech?” James watched Q for any tells. “Which country…” He saw Q pause again as he was typing, “or is it countries plural, are out to get you Q?” 

Q schooled himself, he wouldn’t give any hints to James and he kept typing like he hadn’t heard anything James had said. Honestly what James was doing with his fingers was more distracting than what James was making conjectures about. The project could wait until tomorrow. He was much more interested in climbing on top of his boyfriend and reacquainting himself with all of James’ freckles and moles. Q was slowly cataloging all of them into his memory. Q closed the laptop, leaned over his side of the bed to set it on the floor and then turned to his boyfriend, “I think it’s time we find something else for your mouth to do rather than talk. Stop asking questions.” 

James beamed, he was totally on to the fact that Q used sexual positive reinforcement to distract Bond’s behaviour when Q thought he was being annoying. “What did you have in mind?” James raised one side of his mouth in a sexy grin. 

“Take my pyjamas off and we’ll see if you can figure it out.” Q murmured against James’ ear with a deep chuckle. 

It didn’t take James long. He was always a quick study. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: It’s a good thing James Bond my boyfriend is easily distracted because James Bond the spy is becoming much too curious about my background. I did ask Eve to see if Mallory would approve letting James see my file. I personally don’t think there is anything that James couldn’t be trusted with knowing. He trusts me with his life every time he leaves for a mission, and I want to trust him with mine. But Eve said Mallory refused. Apparently too much risk if James were to be put in a compromising situation if he knew too much about me.

~~~


	29. Alec

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of you may recognize the name of James' MI6 boyfriend, some may not. If you haven't heard of him within the canon of Bond, pretty sure this all makes sense without any additional back story. Let me know if it doesn't. 
> 
> This was a difficult one for me. (And for Q and for James)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the reassurance about the regular posting from my note on the previous chapter. I've written this behemoth of a story over the past year, and waited to start posting until I had it complete, which is the only reason why I can post such long chapters so regularly. It's all just polishing (and the occasional new scene when I realize I've left a gap). Just didn't want to overwhelm anyone.

Chapter 29: Alec

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: The job of the Quartermaster is to provide support to field agents through research, intelligence gathering, communications, technology and equipment support. MI6 and the needs of the country come above the needs of the individual. At times intelligence information will come to light that is of a compromising nature and all efforts must be made to move the mission forward on behalf of queen and country.

~~~

James shouldn’t have been surprised when Q figured it out. Q was the smartest person James had ever met, and given James had been opening up a lot of Q’s closets to find the skeletons inside, he knew it would be inevitable that Q would do the same to him. He just didn’t expect it to happen quite the way it did. 

Bond was in St. Petersburg, on a mission that was expected to last three weeks, the longest he’d taken since he’d come back to MI6. Q had filled his tablet with all sorts of games to help keep him distracted and because it was Q none of them were easy. The one he was working on was a “word” find but it wasn’t words it was numbers and Q was making him solve algebraic equations to find the numbers that he then could remove from the screen. He had discovered after getting the first few that when the numbers disappeared that there was a picture below and he’d gotten far enough to know that it was very likely a picture of Q, not wearing very much, but of course the hardest equations were covering up the most interesting bits. “Bloody hell Q!” He huffed in exasperation. 

Q was busy reviewing files on the operatives 007 was trying to infiltrate looking for information that Bond could use to get access to some of the key people in this Russian organization when he ran across a file that caught his attention. 

James felt his phone vibrate in his left jacket pocket, a text from Q. “I think I found a way for you to get in with the organization. There was an MI6 agent who was Russian who turned out to be a double agent a number of years ago but who died on a mission. I think he had connections to this group.”

James took a deep breath and sent a reply. “Alec Trevelyan.”

Q replied quickly, “was that his name? I’m only seeing his 006 code.”

James didn’t reply. Q was smart, and James estimated it would take Q about one minute to put it together.

It took only ten seconds. “James, never mind. I’m sure there is another way,” read the text.

“You figured it out.” James replied. 

“I’m sorry. Forget I said anything. I’ll find another way.” Q was already wishing he had never opened the file.

James hit speed dial and Q heard the ring tone. He hesitated to pick it up but knew he had to. “James…”

“Just tell me what you know about Alec and his connection.” James was trying to keep his anger at Alec from flaring immediately. 

“James…”

“Just tell me Q.” 

“Alec was connected to this group. I think if you mention him to Boris, the guy you met at the bar the other night, they might believe you are connected as well and would let you in.”

James was silent on the other end of the phone. 

Q tried to wait him out, leaning forward to rest his forehead on his hand, knowing now that this was going to be hard for James. Q finally broke the silence. “James, I’ll keep looking. I’ll find another way…” Q was already shuffling files on his desk again, there had to be another way.

“No,” James said, a little louder then he intended, catching himself and softening his voice. “No, I can do this.” 

“Are you sure?” Q could hear the hurt in his voice. 

“I’m sure, just send me the electronic versions of the files to my tablet so I understand all the connections.” James was rubbing his forehead with his fingers. This was going to suck. 

“James…” 

“It’s okay Q. It was a long time ago.” James pursed his lips. “I can do this.” 

“Okay.” Q said trying to sound affirming. “What do you need besides the files?” 

James smirked, “I need you to send me the answers to these bloody algebra problems. I’d like to be looking at a picture of my current boyfriend, when I have to use intelligence on my former boyfriend to infiltrate the Russian mob.” 

Q smiled fighting the blush creeping up his neck and accessed Bond’s tablet remotely, removing all the numbers so Bond could see the picture. “Anything else you want James?”

James smiled and rolled his eyes. “I’m not sure I’d trust Penny to sit on my naked lap, tell me you weren’t injured in the making of this photo.”

Q laughed, “No injuries incurred. But you should see the outtakes.” 

“Will you send them to me?” James laughed imagining Q’s face trying to get Penelope to sit still, various unfocused body parts as he scrambled to get her to come back. 

“Yes, if you want.” Q rolled his eyes. 

“I do,” James said softly. 

“They are on the computer at home, I’ll send them later.” 

“Q,” James paused, “We’ll talk about Alec when I get back.”

“Only if you want to,” Q added. 

“I do.” James nodded from afar, wishing Q was there with him right now. 

Q hit send on the electronic files, “The rest of the files are on your tablet. I’ll give you some time to review and let me know if you need anything else.” 

~~~

This time when James got back from his mission the psychiatrist couldn’t mark the Bond box. James wasn’t capable of lying his way through his evaluation, as uncovering the details of Alec’s double life in St. Petersburg had rattled James’ psyche and he was going to need some time. 

Tanner had lauded Q’s discovery that Trevelyan’s double cross of MI6 could finally be used to MI6’s advantage, but no one but Q knew that James and Alec had been in a relationship and it was all Q could do to not to scream at Tanner when Tanner wanted psych to reconsider 007’s evaluation, anxious to get James back out in the field, several additional threads appearing as the main group now splintered. 

Q finally went to Eve and asked her for her help. “Moneypenny, I need you to get Tanner off Bond’s back.” 

Eve looked at her friend curiously, “Q, what is going on?” 

“I just need you to do this for me. James is going to need some time now that this mission is over. Can you divert Tanner for me?” 

“Q, I know 007 and 006 were friends, but…” then she got this look in her eye as she put the pieces together. “Q?”

He took a deep breath and gave a look of affirmation, not even a nod. He knew better than anyone that microphones and cameras could catch anything. 

Eve schooled her face, her eyes going sad. “Right. I’ll see what I can do.” She pulled up the mission logs to see what Tanner and M were watching for and where she could subtly move agents around. As Q turned to go she said quietly, “take care of him.” 

~~~

Q came home to find an empty flat. No James, the cats meowing incessantly, having been left alone far too long today. 

James had flown back to London early that morning and had immediately debriefed with M and Tanner given the connection to Alec and MI6, and Q knew psych and medical had evaluated him and then released him around noon, flagging him for down time and follow up. But the biggest worry was that James had not come to see Q, texting him instead to tell him he was headed home and needed some time. Q had assumed home meant Q’s flat. He and James hadn’t spent a night apart since coming back to London, unless James was on a mission, and this was always where they came. Q was actually just waiting for one of them to be brave enough to broach whether James even needed to keep his own place anymore. But apparently when James told Q he was going home, he was going to his home. Not the home Q had come to think of as theirs. 

Q fed the cats and then sank down forlornly onto his couch, Bond’s Navy sweatshirt still balanced on the arm lean from weeks ago. Penelope came to find him first, curling up by his hip and then Eleanor climbed into his lap, bumping her head into his chin. Q looked down at her and scratched her face. “He’s not here tonight Ellie.” Eleanor meowed at him. “I know. I’m worried about him too.” 

Q had been monitoring all of the comms on the mission and he knew that James had to do and say some things that had to have been incredibly difficult and had learned things about Alec that had hurt him deeply. 

Q sat quietly for about five minutes debating, then decided he’d do for James, what James had done for him. “Come on girls, I think he needs all of us.” 

Arriving at James’ flat he tried the bell not expecting James to answer it, but wanted to at least give him some warning that he was there. Then he used the key. James had given him one a few weeks ago and this seemed like a good reason to use it. 

James was sitting on the couch watching Japanese relay race game shows on cable with a bottle of whiskey in his hand. 

“James?” Q asked, wanting to make sure James knew he was in the house, on the off chance he also had a gun in his lap. Given his state, Q didn’t want to surprise him.

“Q,” James said flatly, his voice slightly slurred. 

Q dropped his bag on the table by the door and set down the cat carriers. “How long have you been watching Majide Japanese game shows?” He came over and sat down on the couch next to James. 

“What time is it?” James asked not turning his head as he watched a woman transfer dead fish with her mouth until she filled a bucket making it heavy enough to drop down, pulling a rope that opened a cage and released a flock of ducks that her team mates then had to herd into a tunnel.

“About 9:30.”

“About nine hours.” James answered. 

“Right,” Q nodded. “Are they any good?” He turned to watch one for a few minutes, wondering what would happen when the ducks made it out to the other side.

“I’m not sure,” James answered. “Whiskey makes them better. Want some?” He handed the bottle to Q. 

“Sure,” Q actually thought it couldn’t hurt given how this night was probably going to go, and took a swig catching James watching him out of the corner of his eye. 

James snickered and smiled. “Never seen you actually do that.” 

Q grimaced as the burn chased down his throat, “well, there are still lots of things about me you don’t know.” 

James nodded, “indeed… lots of things about lots of people I didn’t know.” 

“James,” Q closed his eyes, it hadn’t been his intention for James to draw the comparison to Alec. 

“It’s okay Q.” James sat back against the couch cushions, “I’m okay… or at least I will be.” 

Q turned to look at his boyfriend. “Good.” He wasn’t going to push. Then he stood up. “I brought the cats. Figured you hadn’t seen your girlfriend for a while and Eleanor was looking for you.” He went to open the cages to let them out, surprised at how quiet they were when he brought them in the house. But cats had a way of knowing when things were tense, and now they both very cautiously nosed their way out of their cages into the new surroundings. They had never been here before. 

James looked over and smiled, “Ellie, come here.” And with that the gray tabby bounded for her boyfriend and Q let out a sigh, his cheeks puffing out in relief, glad that he had made at least one correct decision. 

Q was carrying a tremendous amount of guilt for having put the Alec information in front of James. He really didn’t know what else to do after James demanded to see the files, and in the end it made the mission successful, even if now he debated at what price. Q had resolved that he would make sure James came through this and that they would be okay. 

He looked over and shook his head as now both James and Eleanor sat on the couch watching Japanese game shows together. Penelope still sat at Q’s feet wondering what the hell was going on. “I know Penelope, it’s weird isn’t it?” He picked her up and headed back to the living room. “James, do you even speak Japanese?” Q asked as James chuckled at the TV and took another hit of the whiskey.

“Nope.” James said without looking at Q. 

“Right,” Q sighed quietly, “no point in pursuing that conversation apparently.” He changed tactics. “I’m going to order food. Do you have a preference?” Q perched on the side of the couch. 

“Not really hungry,” James answered. 

Q suspected it was because James had drunk most of the bottle of whiskey, and the only reason he wasn’t falling down drunk was because of his alcohol tolerance. “Right. Pizza it is then.” 

“Not pizza.” James looked quickly at Q. 

“No?” Q raised his eyebrows at him. “Okay then. How about curry?”

“Whatever,” James turned back to the TV. 

Q didn’t actually want curry, but apparently pizza was out. He opted instead for Nando’s chicken. There was one just down the block and Q told Bond he’d be back in twenty minutes, not sure if Bond even heard him. Nando’s didn’t deliver.

Q put food in front of Bond and somewhat surprisingly Bond ate. 

Q took the nearly empty whiskey bottle away and somewhat surprisingly Bond didn’t complain. 

Q put paracetamol and water in front of Bond and somewhat surprisingly Bond took them. 

Q debated about what else to put in front of Bond to see what he would do, his inquisitive scientist side emerging, but then realized he really shouldn’t experiment on his boyfriend, especially under the circumstances, so with a sigh he sat down next to him and instead he took the remote control. Q was tired of watching people wrapped in bubble wrap try to slide through jello while catching raw eggs in a basket and screaming in Japanese, and he even understood Japanese, which put him a big step ahead of James. He looked over at James, who seemed to be rather glazed and then Q flipped the channel. No response. He flipped it again. No response. Q decided he’d find something he wanted to watch and see if James stayed on the couch with him, or eventually moved, suggesting he was actually in there and capable of forming an opinion. So Q turned it to the science channel and found a rerun of “How It’s Made,” watching a show on the industrial process for making tootsie rolls. Bond seemed fine with the choice. Q just sighed and leaned his head against James’ shoulder, not sure what to do to get his boyfriend out of his funk, or if maybe this is what James actually needed. 

It was nearing midnight and Q had now watched how to make car seat covers, the process for extracting palm oil and the mechanics of how toilet paper is rolled on the paper rolls, in addition to the tootsie roll show. 

“Q?”

“Yes James?” Q replied, looking up from his shoulder. 

“I liked the Japanese game shows better, this is boring.” 

Q laughed, “I don’t think it’s boring.” 

“No but you are an engineer. The rest of us are not that curious about toilet paper assembly lines.” 

“Do you want to watch something else?” Q sat up and turned to look at James. “Or do you want something more to eat? We could go to bed, are you tired?” 

James didn’t answer right away. “I don’t know,” he finally said slowly. “I feel numb. Like this isn’t real. Like I’m not really here.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Q asked quietly. 

James shook his head no. 

“You are really here,” Q said, wanting to offer something reassuring to say, “and Alec isn’t here,” Q felt the need to say it out loud. 

“No,” James paused, “he isn’t here.” 

“But I am.” Q said quietly. He couldn’t stand the sound of the hurt in James’ voice. 

James turned, sharp eyed to look at Q. “I know.” 

“Do you?” Q asked honestly. “Because neither of us can live in the past, and I really want to live here in the present.” Q decided James needed a clear reminder that the past wasn’t here, and that the present very much wanted him. He slid to the floor, kneeling between James’ knees reaching for his belt buckle. 

James looked down and shook his head, his hands reaching to cover Q’s and stop him. “You don’t have to…”

“I’d really like to,” Q looked up trying to read James’ face. He could see James struggling with what he wanted. “But I won’t, if you don’t want me too.” 

Q held his gaze seeing the emotions run through James’ eyes finally settling on Q, watery blue and icy clear. “I do...” James sighed. 

Q didn’t ask twice, he undid James belt, then his button and zip, tugging just a bit to get James to slide his hips closer to the edge of the couch so Q could pull his trousers open enough. Gently he slid James’ cock from his pants, Q’s nimble fingers sliding across his skin.

“I’m soft, I’m sorry,” James put his head back on the couch. 

“It’s okay,” Q whispered leaning down to kiss James’ skin, easing his lips softly across his head, his foreskin still loose. “This doesn’t have to be anything but this.” He felt James sigh deeply, his hands going limp on the couch, on either side of Q. Q was gentle, and slow and sweetly persistent, and eventually he felt James begin to fill his mouth, a firmness that grew and lengthened, the salty flavor of James’ starting to flavor Q’s tongue. 

“Q…” 

Q heard his name quietly come from James’ lips. He reached to the side, taking James’ hand, encouraging him to slip his fingers into his hair, then the other, James becoming more aware, more an active participant in what was happening between them. James fingers stroked through Q’s thick brown locks, not directing him, just touching. Q hummed with encouragement as James’ hips moved slowly. He could feel the heat of James’ skin starting to rise, his breath starting to quicken. Q took advantage of his lack of a gag reflex to slide James deep into his throat, holding him there as James’ gasped at the feeling. Repeating this for him over and over until he felt James’ legs start to tremble, edging off to hold just the head of his cock in his mouth as James spasmed. Q softened his cheeks to accept it all until he could swallow, then gently sucked and licked James’ softening cock until he let him slip from his lips. 

Finally rocking back to his haunches, Q wiped the back of his hand across his mouth before looking up at James catching his gaze, his mouth softly open as he panted to catch his breath. He looked relaxed, the hurt no longer in his eyes, as he smiled somewhat weakly at Q. “Come here,” he said quietly. 

Q smiled, gently tucking James back into his pants, considering it bad form to just leave a man in such a state and then he eased himself up to sit beside James on the couch. James immediately pulled him close to kiss him, the first time all night that Q really believed James was fully aware that Q was here and with him. 

“I’m tired, come to bed with me,” James murmured into his ear. 

Q nodding, “of course.” 

~~~

Both too tired to do anything but sleep once the ritual of getting ready for bed complete, teeth brushed, and tonight more paracetamol and water for both of them to chase off the inevitable hangover from all the whiskey. James finally pulled Q close as they climbed into bed together, tucking his back into his chest as he wrapped his arms tightly around Q’s waist and shoulders. 

Q tried to take a deep breath, but his ribs were constricted under the band of James’ forearm as he tried to inhale. James didn’t loosen his embrace, if anything he pulled him tighter when Q exhaled another inch of open space between them. 

Q was about to reach for James’ arm, to ask him to relax but then he felt the wetness on the back of his neck and he went still. At first James didn’t move, he didn’t make a sound, but Q knew what was happening. Then he heard a quiet sniffle, James brushed his face against the back of Q’s neck, then another, and then he felt James’ arms start to shake, just a little. Q lay still, giving James the privacy to mourn Alec as James quietly cried, Q held tight in his arms. 

When James finally went still, no more tears left to spend, Q quickly brushed his own cheeks dry, his heart aching for his love who had sobbed quietly behind him. Then he reached for James’ hand to loosen it from his waist and rolled in his arms to face him. In the dim pale light that just edged off the darkness, Q ran his hands over James’ cheeks, drying his face with his fingers, and then with his lips as he kissed away the wetness. Neither of them said anything, but they both knew that James was done grieving. He had needed the time to let the numbness wear off, and then the space to let the emotions out and now he was spent, emotionally worn out. Q raised himself up on his arms to lean over James who now lay quietly on his back, his entire body exhausted. Q’s eyes a deep green, warm and affectionate as he looked into the clear gray blue that looked back. Slowly Q leaned down to place a soft, gentle kiss to the mouth that met his now with no reluctance, before Q finally dropped himself to tuck in alongside James’ chest, Q’s cheek on James’ shoulder, his arm reaching across James’ ribs to slide his fingers into James’ hand that rested on his own chest. 

“I love you Q,” James whispered quietly. 

Q closed his eyes tightly, hearing James’ words. Then he once again lifted himself to look at the broken man beside him. “You have my heart James. You always have.” 

James eyes filled once again with tears, as he smiled weakly, “I’ll try not to break it.” 

“Hearts heal,” Q said quietly, placing his hand over James chest feeling his heart beat thump below his palm, “yours is healing right now, tell me you love me again tomorrow.” 

James nodded, then tucked Q back into this shoulder, their hands now intertwined over his chest, both letting the silence settle over them until finally James could fall asleep. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: My heart hurts for him. I wish I knew what more I could do. Why does love hurt so much? And why can’t I say the words? I can’t say them. He needed to hear them. And I can’t say them. I love you James. I love you, I love you, I love you. Please already know it, even if I can’t say it. I’m sorry. 

~~~


	30. Anger Management

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just an FYI for trigger warnings. A bit of violence in this one. No violence against our main characters, but it's James Bond in the field, so you know... James Bond type violence, only ratcheted up a notch. You'll understand when you read it. Just wanted you to be aware.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry everyone. Here I asked about frequency of updates and then I missed a day. Life got in the way unfortunately.

Chapter 30: Anger Management 

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: The partnership between an agent and a quartermaster requires complete trust and quick thinking on both sides. Lately I’ve found myself as quartermaster making decisions to purposely slow and divert an agent who has begun to push boundaries too far too fast and the only way I can best serve the mission is to function as an important check and balance. Worried that my choices would be perceived as counter to the success of the mission I’ve alerted M to my decisions with a rationale for why and have been given permission to continue. So far the checks and balances seem to have gone undetected as intrusive, I don’t expect that to last much longer.

~~~

Tanner ended up approving James for a week long leave after returning from Russia per the recommendation of medical and psych, but mostly because of the note Eve slipped him walking out of MI6 at the end of the day with the caveat that he destroy it after reading it. She had even included a box of matches in the envelope. 

Eve was ten steps ahead of him after he had pulled the paper from the envelope and read it when she heard Tanner say, “seriously? Those two? Who else has he had a relationship with that I don’t know about?” 

Eve turned with a smile on her face, “jealous Bill?” 

Tanner just shook his head and rolled his eyes, “have YOU slept with him too?” He looked at Moneypenny catching up to her on the sidewalk, pulling out the matches to strike one and light the paper on fire, no evidence it ever existed. 

Eve raised her eyebrows and gave him a wicked grin. 

“You have! When you went to Macau, is that when?” Bill shook his head in dismay.

Eve laughed out loud, “actually no, I didn’t, and I haven’t, but I think I’m putting both of us in the category of ‘wish we had’ based on your responses.” 

Tanner just huffed at her and handed her back the rest of the matches. “I’m not saying a thing Eve. But tell Q, James should take the time he needs, but I’d like him reevaluated after a week if possible. I’m worried the splinter groups will start to go underground if we wait too long, and even if James isn’t the one to go after them, we may need him internally to help with information gathering.” 

“Will do sir.” Eve nodded, pulling out her phone to text Q the news. 

“And Eve,” Tanner slowed down on the sidewalk, reaching for her elbow.

“Yes Bill?” Eve turned to him, she could hear the caution in his voice. 

“I know Q probably doesn’t want me to know about any of this, but if you hear that either of them needs anything else, let me know, yeah? I’ll clear it with M.” 

Eve smiled and reached her arm up to loop around Tanner in a quick hug, “Thanks Bill.” 

~~~

But Bond didn’t want to wait a week. After returning to London and the first night back with Q where he was too worn out to keep up his defenses he quickly turned it back around and reinforced them with steel rods determined to track down every single member of the Russian mob that Alec had helped lead all those years ago, right under his nose. 

Waking the next morning alone, Q discovered James was already up, the smell of strong coffee tempting him as it wafted into the bedroom. He found James at the kitchen table, coffee at his elbow, pad of paper and pen in front of him. Q watched him from the doorway, James’ expression one of intense concentration before he grabbed the pen writing something quickly on the pad, dark scratch marks obvious where he had written and scratched out earlier notes. 

“James?” Q stepped into the kitchen. 

James looked up surprised to find Q in front of him. He hadn’t heard him approach, only briefly making eye contact before turning back to the paper in front of him, writing something else down. 

“What are you doing?” Q took a tentative step towards him. The man sitting at the table was giving off waves of tension and was not the same person he had shared a bed with last night. 

“Trying to remember any of the people Alec had mentioned when we were together. There must be information I can use that I have forgotten.” 

Q nodded, now standing beside him, he placed his hand on James’ shoulder and felt him tense, Q quickly pulling his hand away in surprise. James equally surprised at his unanticipated response immediately looked up, turning to reach for Q realizing what he had just done. He grabbed both of Q’s hands and shifting in his chair, tugged Q to come stand between his legs, wrapping his arms around Q’s midsection, his arms surrounding him in a full embrace. His chin on Q’s chest he looked up at him, his eyes slowly softening as he studied the handsome man in his arms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to respond like that. I just have a lot on my mind.” 

Q nodded, wrapping his arms around James’ shoulders, folding over to rest his cheek on top of James’ head. “It’s okay. We both know I get tetchy when I’m concentrating on something and get interrupted. So I can’t blame you.” 

James laughed, “tetchy is one word for it,” he squeezed Q’s waist more tightly, “downright hostile would be another.” 

Q chuckled. “Mmm, well I think I can be excused when lives are on the line.” Then he stood up, unwrapping himself from James’ arms to give them both some space. “I just didn’t expect to find you hard at it right away this morning. After last night…”

A flicker of embarrassment crossed James’ face at Q’s words before quickly shuttering his expression and looking away making Q furrow his brow, taking an awkward step back from him. Q nodded briefly in resignation, not finishing the sentence, instead turning towards the cupboards to find a tea mug and turn on the kettle, understanding quickly that James didn’t want to talk about last night. It was clearly a sensitive subject for James and Q felt a pang of sadness that James would be embarrassed by it. 

“Have you eaten?” He turned back to James, changing the subject, his own defenses coming up a bit. 

“Mmm, I had some wheetabix, I’m fine.” James didn’t look up from the table.

Q wrinkled his nose. “That’s not even real food, I think that’s sawdust.” He grabbed the milk carton from the fridge and opened it wafting it under his nose as he checked the expiration date, ‘”and there is no way this milk is drinkable after all this time. Good thing you have an iron stomach,” he said but got no response from James. Q watched him work until his toast popped and the kettle boiled, and then reluctantly he left James to his notes as he took his breakfast and headed for the living room. 

Grabbing his phone, Penelope in his lap as soon as he sat down, he found Eve’s text about James being granted a week’s leave. He texted her back, “he’s already making a list of people he thinks are still connected from his memory. I don’t think he’s planning to take a week.” 

Eve responded almost immediately, “you have to make him take some time Q.” 

Q shook his head, “no one can make him do something he doesn’t want to do.” 

“You can,” Eve replied. 

“I don’t know Eve, I’m not sure about that this time.” Then saying goodbye, Q dropped the phone on the couch with a sigh as he sat trying to make sense of James’ responses. From tears and declarations of love last night to tense and focused this morning Q just shook his head in frustration. James may be fine sharing emotions when he is happy, he certainly was enthusiastic in sharing his affection, and he clearly had no problem sharing his emotions when he is angry, he could be confrontational in a heartbeat, but it was clear that James’ wasn’t nearly as comfortable sharing his emotions when he was sad because Q knew James hated to show signs of weakness. James refused to ever stay in medical one second longer then necessary when he was physically hurt, willing his body to heal faster then it really could, so why should he be any different when he was emotionally hurt. And just like that Q understood James’ response. He was trying to turn his weakness into a strength, he’d turn his sadness into anger and he’d focus on harnessing it to get past what he was feeling. The question now was what role Q should play in this. 

Q had felt regret last night after James had fallen asleep that he hadn’t told him he loved him in that moment, but now he was relieved. He didn’t want the first time he said those words to James to be tied to a memory like this. He couldn’t tell him how he felt when one or both of them were under duress. It could wait. It had to wait. 

After 72 hours James was already back in the field, but really only because it fell over a weekend and Tanner used that as an excuse to keep his arse in London for a few more days or it would have been sooner. Now three weeks later and three missions completed Q noticed the differences in James behaviour weren’t smoothing out and actually seemed to be getting even more extreme. James had always been intense in every thing he did, but now it was heightened in every way, both for the good and bad and Q was doing all he could to be consistent as James boomeranged between the two extremes. 

In the field Bond was more cold and deadly then ever. Efficiently brutal, Q found he had to fight to keep his eyes on the CCTV screen as he watched 007 eliminate the marks he was sent to kill. James had seemingly lost all empathy for people he considered a threat. Not that he ever had that much empathy for people who held guns to his head to begin with, but now he was quick to snap and end the people who got in his way. 

More than once Q had tried to slow him down, “007 Stop!” 

The sound of Q’s voice always had an immediate impact, although not always the one Q wanted. “Why?” James growled as he pursued the mark through the building, quickly gaining on him.

“Because he has more information, you can’t kill him yet.” Q tried to keep his voice neutral even though every time Bond did this Q felt his adrenaline spike from hundreds of kilometers away. 

“What information?” Bond snarked as he heaved himself through a window now chasing the mark through the parking lot. 

“He was married to the daughter of the second in command. He’ll know names of other people. If you kill him we’ll lose that knowledge.” 

“Fine, then I’ll make sure I get the information first.” Bond hissed as he caught up with the man, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt. 

Q would later regret that Bond hadn’t just killed him outright. The methods 007 used to get the names of the other Russian operatives were extreme and Q felt green hearing the screams of the man as James tortured him. 

“Have everything you need now?” Bond had asked Q through his earwig. 

Q’s voice was shaky, “I believe so yes.”

“Can I kill him now?” James was seeing red with anger. 

“Yes,” Q whispered feeling a sense of relief that at least this would be over and James would be coming home again but these days even that brought challenges.

007 had clearly reinforced his emotional walls in order to do his job after what had happened related to Alec but when he came home to Q those walls came tumbling down every time. With Q, James was intensely passionate, sometimes verging on angrily passionate, his emotions raw and needy and just as out of control. Q worried that if James didn’t find some balance that Q wouldn’t be able to continue this way indefinitely. Because on more than one occasion Q found himself at the center of James emotional turmoil, doing whatever he could to help James make sense of what had happened in the field. And now whenever a mission went sideways and James either got hurt and was once again reminded of his own mortality, or someone else ended up unintentionally killed, James would come home and rather irrationally claim Q. Whether it was to remind himself that Q wasn’t the one dead, or that James wasn’t the one dead, it wasn’t always clear. Later James would process it emotionally, but it always started physically. The first time this had happened Q had tried to get James to stop, to slow down and explain but that had just made it harder for James. He had gotten so frustrated that he had gotten up and walked out of the bedroom. Q found him later drunk on vodka in the living room both of them frustrated and James unwilling to talk about it. 

Tonight was going to be one of those difficult nights as Q heard the buzzer while he brushed his teeth, getting ready for bed. Bond’s voice quickly followed on the intercom, “Q, open the door!” 

He spluttered toothpaste on the mirror in surprise and then quickly spit into the sink, a quick brush of water through his mouth as he hurried to finish. His toothbrush still in his hand he pushed the buzzer for the outer door and then rushed to the front door and pushed the door lock to open. Bond was through and rushing up the stairs before Q could get to the doorknob. Just as he turned it, Bond pushed on the frame swinging it open making Q step back quickly. “James?” he was suddenly worried that someone must still be chasing him and he looked over James’ shoulder to see if someone else was coming up the stairs. 

But Bond’s foot hit the door as it started to swing closed and he kicked it, shutting it hard, his arms wrapping around Q’s waist pulling him close, catching Q off balance and making him fall forward. Bond’s mouth was suddenly hard against Q’s, his tongue pushing inside immediately. “You taste like toothpaste,” he grumbled against Q’s lips when he finally broke the kiss letting Q come up for air. 

“What are you doing here? You weren’t supposed to be back until tomorrow.” Q was trying to extract himself from the bands of muscled arms that refused to let him go. “You had told me you were hurt, have you been to medical?” 

Q didn’t do well with blood. The one time earlier in their relationship that Bond had been hurt and had shown up expecting Q to patch him up had been a disaster. Q had gone green and nearly vomited at the sight of Bond’s ragged torn skin. Q was fine when he was the one inflicting the damage, injecting all sorts of things into Bond when they were in the lab, but Bond had quickly learned that Q wasn’t really good for more than a band-aid when it actually came to first-aid. 

Penelope and Eleanor had scattered when James came through the door like a tornado, but now they reemerged from the kitchen, Eleanor nearly tripping Q as he tried to walk backwards, Bond’s legs bracketing Q’s knees. 

“I came back early, I needed to be with you.” Bond answered, finally sliding his arms down beneath Q’s arse and lifting him up, preventing him from his continued backward dance. 

Q dropped his toothbrush, Penelope immediately chasing it under the couch, as he grabbed at Bond’s shoulders. “James!” His legs wrapping instinctively around Bond like a koala. “I swear to god if you are actually hurt and bleed all over my bed…”

“There’s no blood,” Bond was already striding quickly towards Q’s bedroom, Eleanor trotting along behind. She was determined to get her boyfriend James to pay attention to her. But Bond caught the door with his foot as he carried Q inside and closed it before Eleanor could follow him, the cat sitting dejectedly outside contemplating how to get inside.

As Bond approached the bed he reached behind with one hand to ease Q’s ankles off his lower back and then slid his hands to Q’s ribs and pushed, thrusting him down to land on his back, immediately crawling over the top of him to pin him down and ravage his mouth. 

Q stopped trying to slow him down him. It now clicked what had happened and he realized that he knew why James was back early. He was emotionally reeling again and Q knew that while James may be a bit banged up, his comment that there’s no blood meant he was reeling because someone else important had died and that was always even harder for James to handle. Q had been on comms with James for the whole mission and he quickly mentally sorted through the people he knew had died trying to figure out which death had rattled James enough to make him act this way. But his brain was instantly pulled back to the here and now when he felt a jolt of pain, James teeth sinking into his neck below his ear, refreshing the constant bruise Q wore because of the troubled man who now nipped his way down Q’s neck to his collar bones.

Q couldn’t tell yet if James needed him to be passive, or if he needed him to actively push back. Q would do whatever James needed when he got like this but what he needed varied, and Q had to figure it out because James couldn’t always articulate it when he was this distraught. Ultimately, Q knew James would stop immediately if Q told him to stop. This was never about James forcing himself on Q, this was about James desperately needing Q and Q consenting to let it happen, even if this type of sex was mostly non verbal when James was reeling and trying to ground himself again. 

Q reached between them to push on Bond’s shoulder, testing him and the reaction was immediate. Bond reached up and caught Q’s wrist with his fingers shoving Q’s hand to the pillow beside his head as he held him down, growling into Q’s mouth as he licked his way across his teeth. “Right, passive it is”, Q thought, relaxing below his lover. He was fine with passive, he had no problem giving himself to James if James wanted to be in charge.

Q had only been a few minutes from going to bed, wearing only his Garbage 2002 concert t-shirt and James’ new pair of pyjama bottoms, which James now noticed. “When the bloody hell did you steal this pair?” Followed quickly by, “do you always wear my pyjamas when I’m gone?” He honestly didn’t wait for the answer, and Q didn’t offer one, the only sound coming from Q’s mouth was a huff of air as James shoved his large hands into the waist band on either side of Q’s hips and wrenched the pyjama bottoms down as he curled his fingers into the elastic band. Q closed his eyes, bracing himself to be taken quick and hard as James stripped Q’s legs bare quickly, then reached for his own zip. Q knew he’d probably be sore from this, but couldn’t deny that he loved it when James occasionally went primal as it always felt intensely good, the harsh firing of his nerves leaving him deeply sated when James was done. 

When instead James suddenly slowed, his head bowed on Q’s thighs, his hands softly drifting up Q’s flanks to caress his hips, Q opened his eyes and looked down, his hands reaching to brush the back of James’ hair, finger tips soothing around the shell of James’ ears. 

“James?” he said quietly and Q felt his heart surge when the hard edged man looked up at him with tears in his eyes. 

“He reminded me of you,” James started, his voice catching, making the last word garbled and hard. And then his face twisted as the tears came uncontrolled, the sobs making his shoulders wrack. “He could have been you.” 

Q quickly sat up reaching down as he scooted lower to bring himself to James. “Shhh,” he hushed him, “it wasn’t me.” And just like that the mood changed. Q eased James up, helping him undress until they could lay side by side, skin to skin, more comfort then lust as hands wandered, Q regularly leaning in to place soft kisses to James’ mouth. “Do you want to tell me about him? Would that help?”

James went still, a long quiet between them, Q waited knowing he had to let James do this in his own time. “He was the communications expert for Aurick, the German spy I was working with on this trip, his name was Jasper. He looked like you, tall and thin, his hair more blond then yours, he was…” James paused, his breath hitching, Q bringing his hand to James’ face, caressing his cheek, leaning in to press a kiss to his mouth, he could feel James swallow hard, regaining control. “He was searching the satellite files for an exit when a sniper…” he stopped again. 

This time Q pressed a deep kiss to James’ mouth, interrupting him, purposely overwhelming him to distract his mind, pulling back, “I’m right here. I’m safe. I’m yours.” He felt James’ fingers dig hard into his hip, a tangible test to make sure Q was real. Q brushed his mouth over James’ ear as he whispered, “tell me what you need.” 

The initial swell of sadness now purged from James, he ran both hands down Q’s back until he could slide the tops of his fingers into the curve at the top of Q’s arse. “I want you below me, I want to be inside of you.” 

Q rolled to his back, reaching to the small table beside the bed for the lubricant, spreading his legs as he encouraged James between them. Now they only used condoms when James was waiting on post honey pot mission health checks. Q knew James hadn’t been with anyone on this mission. James eased himself to his knees, sitting back on his heels as he spread Q’s legs wider, reaching then for Q’s hips to pull him closer, running his oiled fingers over Q’s thighs, his prick, his perineum, pressing with his thumb making Q hiss, before circling the ring of muscle with this index finger, sliding it smoothly inside to tease Q before sliding back out making Q arch and chase him with his hips. James’ hips came up quickly to align with Q, pushing his cock inside in a steady breach of Q’s body until their hips were flush together. Both needing the connection, both stilling to enjoy the sensation, Q trying to relax, to ease the pressure letting the first hit of endorphins rush through him, James staying still to enjoy the view of the gorgeous man that lay across his lap, Q’s lean length stretched out before him. Q’s very alive, very vibrant heaving body that arched back over James’ knees, his hands reaching back over his head to find purchase on the bars of the headboard. 

James went slowly, easing in and out of Q, rolling his hips gently as Q closed his eyes, biting at his lower lip, turning his face into his elbow as he rocked back against James. The slow momentum between them was beginning to make Q’s toes curl in anticipation, the drag and pull of James’ cock on his prostate sending sparks through his hips, making his thighs judder around James’ hips. James’ fist curled around Q slowly stroking him in time with each thrust of his hips making Q hum. Bond smiled, realizing how lost Q was to the pleasure coursing through him, making James shift forward, Q’s back flattening to the bed as James now leaned into Q’s body, his hips still rolling, as he continued the slow even rhythm between them. 

James slid his hands beneath Q’s shoulders, cupping him from below as he covered Q, his mouth finding Q’s neck, pressing kisses along the column following the long muscle that ran from his suprasternal notch to the back of his jaw, finding the still warm wound where James had marked him again earlier Q nearly oblivious as he lay below James, his own hips rolling to match his lovers, his head pushed back in pure pleasure. 

The pressure of James’ abdominable muscles now brushing against Q’s erection made Q rut with intention. His hips stuttering as he tried to move faster, wanting the pressure and release he could feel building in his legs, his balls starting to tighten. “Soon,” he begged, “please James, soon.” James understood and increased the speed and depth of their fucking, reaching between them again to wrap one hand around Q, then pressing his stomach down to Q’s, giving him the friction that he wanted. 

James felt his orgasm climb and his thrusts became harder, skittering Q’s body up the bed as Q now clung to his back with his arms. Q arched his back, straining hard against James his voice a high keen as he finally let go, his finger tips digging hard into James’ skin. James could feel Q clench around him as he came, pushing James over the edge, pulsing heavily inside before they both collapsed back to the bed, Q’s chest holding James’ weight as they panted and gasped for oxygen, the last minutes of their love making a ferocious intensity. 

Finally Q started to chuckle, a warm, exhausted rumble that made Bond lift his head to look up at his flushed, red-cheeked quartermaster. “What did I do that made you laugh?” 

“Nothing,” Q answered, his arms wrapping across Bond’s shoulders and around his neck, one hand sliding up to brush through James’ short cropped hair, “that was just so very satisfying. Bugger, that felt sooooo damn good.” 

James smiled with relief and slowly propped himself up on his elbows as he looked down at Q, who wore nothing but a warm smile below him. “I’m glad.” He leaned down to kiss him, his lips sliding easily across Q’s who kissed him back eagerly, with what little energy he had left. “I always want it to be like this for you.” Then he swallowed hard in embarrassment, “I’m sorry about how this started tonight, I know I was rough…” his voice drifted off.

Q frowned, his hand coming up to cup James’ cheek turning his face back to Q’s, “don’t apologize. I can’t begin to know what it’s really like for you out in the field, the things you have to do…” Then Q leaned up, a gentle kiss placed to the pouting bottom lip on the face that still looked concerned, “I know you’d stop if I told you too, and I know you won’t hurt me.” Q reassured him.

“Would you really stop me?” James questioned him. “Promise you will. I never want to hurt you, and sometimes I’m lost… when I need…” James wasn’t sure what to say. James didn’t voice it, but thoughts of what Peter had done to Q were always in his subconscious. 

“I promise.” Q interrupted him, watching James struggle to explain. “And really James,” Q sighed, “it’s always very satisfying. You are so very good at this.” 

Bond smirked the mood lightened between them, “thank you.” Then grimaced as he moved and felt his stomach brush through the stickiness between them. “Shall I clean us up?” 

Q nodded, “I’ll help.”

“No,” Bond kissed him and pushed his shoulders flat to the bed, “you stay put.” 

“But…”

Bond climbed from between Q’s legs, reaching down to slide a finger through the slick he had left there, slipping it back inside Q’s body making the young man groan softly in surprise. “No buts… I like going to get towels and coming back to find you sated and debauched on the bed.”

Q blushed but didn’t move, he just smiled and then arched his back, his hands coming up to run through his wildly messy hair. “Well, if you insist,” he hummed. 

“I do,” James winked at him, his mouth quirked into a sultry smile, “and besides, I don’t think I’m done with you yet tonight.” 

Q melted back into the mattress as he watched James disappear into the bathroom, he knew he was going to need a lot more than earl grey tomorrow to stay awake at work, he was already bloody exhausted. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: This is unsustainable. I love him and I’ll do anything for him, but he’s verging on out of control in the field. I’ve talked to Eve. She knows how concerned I am, and she’s doing what she can from a field assignment perspective with Tanner. But I’m so very very afraid he’s going to take a risk out of anger and end up hurt, or worse and yet somehow his anger manages to drive him right through the danger, even when it leaves me a wreck back at MI6 as I have to listen to it all. Bloody hell, I’m a fucking mess because of this. It’s untenable. And when he comes home to me, it’s all I can do to hold on and figure out how to redirect him, his intensity with me is sometimes just as scary as it is in the field. I know he won’t hurt me, not intentionally anyway, and honestly the sex is fucking amazing, but he’s exhausting me physically and emotionally. I have got to figure out how to get him to find some balance, for both our sakes. 

~~~


	31. Too far...

Chapter 31: Too far…

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: I am repeating this entry into my official notes to serve as a reminder again… and again… and again. The job of the Quartermaster is to provide support to field agents through research, intelligence gathering, communications, technology and equipment support. MI6 and the needs of the country come above the needs of the individual. At times intelligence information will come to light that is of a compromising nature and all efforts must be made to move the mission forward on behalf of queen and country. (Regardless of how much it will hurt the people who actually have to do it) 

~~~

Eve always worried about James, but she actually worried just as much about Q. She knew Q felt responsible for James since he was the one that connected Alec to the Russian mob, and she watched her young friend work himself beyond all reasonable limits to support Bond. So it honestly shouldn’t have surprised her when she got the call from Bond in the middle of the night. She answered her cell phone on the second ring, her eyes not even open as she knew the location on the touch screen by heart and pressed her thumb to it. “Hello?”

“Eve, its Bond. Do you know where Q is?” James didn’t even bother with hello. 

Eve opened her eyes fast as she processed James question. “What do you mean do I know where Q is, he’s either at the office or he’s at home. He’s never anywhere else. How do you not know where he is? Aren’t you still in the field?”

“Yes, which is why I’m calling. I can’t reach him.” 

Eve climbed out of bed. “But he’s always on your comms when you are in the field.”

“Yes, Eve, I know.” James was getting frustrated. “And he’s gone silent on me, which is why I CALLED you!” 

Eve was already putting on her shoes. “I’ll go back to the office and see if I can find him. I can be there in fifteen minutes.” She was already grabbing her car keys. 

“Thanks Eve.” James hit end call and ran his hands through his hair in worry. 

~~~

Eve snapped a picture of what she found and quickly sent it to Bond before she went over to gently shake the sleeping quartermaster. “Q,” she whispered trying not to startle him.

At first he didn’t move at all, but Eve’s second touch triggered his brain and he sat bolt upright in an instant, glasses askew, hair going in every possible direction. “I’m awake, I’m awake,” he said crisply, even as he reached up with his long fingers to wipe the drool from the corner of his mouth. 

Q was absolutely exhausted. He had too many days and nights in the office helping Bond on missions, and then when James was home, too many late nights as James burned off his energy and frustration. 

Eve couldn’t help but smile with affection at the sight of the bedraggled young man. “Oh Q,” she hummed, reaching her hand up to stroke through his wild hair, trying to tame it into curls. 

“Eve?” Q reached up to straighten his glasses, all of his senses coming back on line. Then he stood quickly, his chair tipping behind him, “shit, James, I fell asleep and James…”

“Is fine,” Eve answered. “He called me to come check on you when you didn’t answer the comm.” 

“He did?” Q said with surprise. 

“Yes, I did.” James said, his voice coming over the computer speakers now that Q had reactivated it. 

“James?” Q was still clearly discombobulated. 

“Yes Q, how was your nap?” James said with a chuckle in his voice.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Q was shaking his head. 

Eve still standing in front of his desk now interrupted their conversation. “Q, when did you last have a day off?” 

James answered for him, “he hasn’t taken a day in forever.” 

“Oh, you should talk,” Q complained. 

“I’ve had days off between missions Q, and where do I spend them?” James protested.

Q pursed his lips, but didn’t answer.

“Where do I spend them Q?” James prodded him again.

“In Q branch,” Q said quietly.

“Sorry, didn’t hear that.” James teased him. “Say it louder.”

“In Q BRANCH!” Q said louder. “Because I’m always behind on work, because of YOU!” Q added in a snit. 

Eve pursed her lips and shook her head as she laughed, “you need a day off.” 

“I’m fine.” Q protested. 

“You need a day off, actually you probably need a week off,” she said again.

“Not while James is still in the field.” Q said firmly. 

“Then when he gets back.” Eve nodded. 

“Can you help arrange that Eve?” James asked over the speaker.

Q shook his head and pursed his lips. “You are both impossible.” 

“We’ll both take some time off, how about that?” James offered. “It will be fun.” 

“Then I’ll be just as tired as I am now. I’m not just exhausted because of work you git. I’m also exhausted because when you are back in London, you keep me up half the night.” 

“And I think that is more then I need to know,” Eve murmured sarcastically. 

“We’ll take naps,” James teased. “But not now, because now I think I need to deal with the bad guy.” 

Q quickly turned on the map with the trackers, his brain shifting back to full function immediately. “Right, let’s get you to safety shall we?” 

And then everything went to shit and James got shot and Q had a nervous breakdown. 

~~~

By the time James got back to London, taken immediately for medical attention thanks to the bullet, Q had had enough and barged into the exam room immediately laying into him. “You will stop this reckless behaviour James!” 

Q’s hair was standing up all over his head, clear he’d be pulling on it aggressively, pretty much since the moment James had groaned in pain and said, “I’ve been shot,” and Q had immediately blanched pale white at the words. Thank god Eve was there to help. 

“Happy to see you too Q.” James said rolling his eyes at the welcome he just received from his boyfriend. 

“I’m serious James!” Q shook his head, “You’ve got to stop this!” 

“I don’t know what you are talking about Q? This wasn’t my fault. Neither of us knew that guy was in that building waiting as a back up.” 

“That’s not the point! I CANNOT keep doing this with you!” Q’s voice was rising and he was getting more attention then he wanted from the staff in medical in MI6. 

One of the doctors, who had been checking on Bond, and was a friend of Q’s quickly shooed everyone out and shut the door offering them some privacy. 

“What the hell does that mean Q?” James asked, his voice going up as well. “You can’t keep doing what with me?” 

“All of this!!” Q waved his hands grandly in the air. “Ever since you broke up the mob with that information about Alec…”

“I don’t want to talk about Alec.” James glared at Q.

Q interrupted him. “I don’t really give a fuck what you want to talk about James. At the moment I could not honestly give one flying fuck about Alec and your history with him. I’m talking about how you have behaved since you came back.”

“I’ve done my job.” James said back loudly.

“And you’ve just about KILLED me in the process.” Q shouted as he stomped his foot.

That shut James up and he looked at Q with a furrowed brow. “What do you mean?” Because while James may not care enough about his own health and well being, he certainly cared about Q’s. It might actually be the only thing James cared about at all. 

“You are out of control. You are going to self-destruct. And because I can’t just let you DO that, you are apparently going to take ME down with you.”

“Q…” James tried to soften his tone. 

“No, you will shut up and listen to me. I’ve HAD it. If I have to listen to you snap one more neck without thinking about it for at least half a second, or dodge one more bullet because you run full steam ahead into the line of fire because it’s the shortest distance to the mark I am going to have a fucking heart attack James. And if you keep coming home and manhandling me like the world is ending every single time…”

Now James looked especially alarmed. “What? You told me you’d stop me…”

Both men stopped talking and looked at one another. 

“Have I hurt you and you didn’t stop me?” James asked. When he didn’t get a reply his voice went up. “Q!?!?” 

“No, no…” Q now sat down in the chair besides James’ bed, dropping his head to his hands, his elbows pressed to his knees. “No, you haven’t hurt me.” Then he looked up at James, “But I am exhausted. I am emotionally exhausted James.”

James’ face settled into resignation. He understood what Q was saying. 

“I need this to slow down. I need you to take a look in the mirror and do a little self reflection James. You are going to burn us both out this way.” 

James nodded. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. 

“Really?” Q said. 

“Really.” James answered. 

Q sighed and stood, pushing James hip over with both hands making James grimace, “Ow, that hurts Q, I got shot remember?” 

“Not in the hip. It only grazed you on the forearm you big baby. Now move over.” Q climbed up and into the bed with him, sliding his hand under James’ neck as he lay beside him, propping James’ head on his arm, his other hand coming up to slide across James’ cheek, feeling the three day stubble against his palm before finally leaning down to kiss James softly. “You can’t do this to me anymore James.” 

“I know.” James sighed, “I’m sorry.”

“I can’t lose you.” Q said, a choked sound catching in his throat. James looked up to see the tears spill across Q’s cheek. 

“I can’t lose you either,” James whispered, sliding his bandaged arm around Q’s waist to pull him closer. 

They lay quietly together, just listening to each other breath, holding on to one another, until finally James said, “does this mean we can actually take a few days off together? Eve did promise that when I got back you know.” 

“I hope so. I need about a three day nap.” Q said wistfully making James laugh. 

~~~

But they didn’t get their days off, James immediately called up for another mission when medical quickly cleared him, the gun shot not even ranking a 2 on a scale of Bond injuries worth worrying about. 

Eve looked at Q when Tanner handed Bond the file folder. “Not Russia this time James. I know Eve promised you a few days off, but you’ve dealt with this group before and M thinks it will be quick. We promise you both a few days as soon as you get back.” 

Q just rolled his eyes and looked at Eve who could do nothing but shrug her shoulders and shake her head. “Sorry,” she mouthed quietly.

However the second day of this mission would push them both over the edge. Q pinged James on the earlink. “007? Are you there?”

“Yes Q,” James said, a half smile on his face. He always loved the sound of Q’s voice in his ear. 

“Right. Good.” Q cleared his throat and paused. 

James took a breath, Q’s preface meant he wasn’t happy about what he was about to say. “What is it Q?” 

Q rolled his bottom lip in and bit down briefly, then squared his shoulders and began, “I’m to relay information to you, that given the importance of this mission, you are to do whatever is necessary to get the information from Richard Carlyle.” 

James sat up straighter, “I see.”

Q didn’t reply.

“Are both M and Tanner with you now?” James questioned. Q’s silence was telling. 

Q looked out of the corner of his eye spotting them in his peripheral vision but not turning his head. “Yes.” He said with a bite at the end of the word. 

“I see.” James said again as he pursed his lips. “I’m assuming it’s been confirmed then, that Carlyle is gay.” 

“Yes, all evidence suggests that is accurate.” Q said, his voice flat, no inflection. 

“And you are the one telling me this because…” James prodded, knowing now that Tanner and M were clearly listening. 

“Because, I’m offering my reassurance that you and I understand that our current arrangement does not interfere with either of our ability to work for MI6.” Q clipped, still not turning to acknowledge the two men standing at his shoulder. This was killing him, but he wouldn’t admit it. 

“Yes, well you are not the one being asked to fuck another man.” James said out loud and immediately regretted it. Q wasn’t the one he wanted to lash out at and he quickly added, “M, the addendum?” At this Q turned his head quickly to look at Mallory. 

Mallory shook his head slowly at Tanner and Q, then he leaned down to press the speaker button leaning into the microphone near Q’s chin. “Overridden, 007.” 

“What addendum?” Q asked, confusion in his voice.

James answered, his voice harsh. “Doesn’t matter. Orders received M.” 

Q took a deep breath, loud enough for James to audibly here it, and James closed his eyes in frustration, clenching both fists. Tanner and Mallory both turned to go now that the information had been shared. Q didn’t acknowledge either of them.  
~~~

James slid the note with the room number in Carlye’s coat pocket, as he reached over to grab his martini, then leaned in closely, his most endearing flirtatious smile sliding up to his eyes, “my apologies if I’ve misread, but I don’t think I have. Check your pocket.” James popped the olive off the toothpick with his teeth, rounding his lips seductively at the man before winking and turning to go. He put an extra sway in his step not turning back, he already knew he had him. The dilation of Carlyle’s eyes was a dead give away. James snickered, it had been easy, then he huffed out his cheeks, knowing that he now faced the more difficult part of this evening. 

He had worried he wouldn’t be able to get Q to turn off the comms, but Q had been the one to suggest the back up. “Don’t ask James,” Q had interrupted. “I’ll turn them off. If there’s an emergency, press hard on your hipbone, that will activate the emergency communication system in the new tracker.” Then Q paused. “And I guess you best take care not to let him get a grip on your hips, he could set it off by accident. I didn’t think about the placement when we…”

“Don’t worry Q,” James interrupted him. “I don’t intend to let him get hold of anything.” 

“But…”

“Trust me Q.” James said quietly as he slid open the hotel suite and put the champagne on ice. There was a knock on the door less then a minute later. “Christ, he’s eager.” James murmured, not intending to say it for Q to hear, but he did.

“Yes, well, you have that affect on people.” Q teased him, “or at least you certainly do on me.” 

“Q.” James protested, “Please.”

“Go, ignore me. I’m signing off. Goodnight James.” Q said quickly watching James' tracker on the screen approach the door. He didn’t want to hear him say hello to the man on the other side. As soon as he ended the communication link Q leaned back in his chair, running his hands through his hair in frustration he continued talking now to no one, “and please, if you care for me at all, don’t enjoy it.” 

Eve stood in the doorway and heard him, “he won’t. You know he won’t.” 

Q whirled to face her, surprised to hear her voice. “Moneypenny!” 

“I came to keep you company.” She raised a bottle of bourbon. “Thought maybe you could use some of this.” 

“You know what is happening?” Q sighed, reaching for the bottle. 

Eve pressed her lips tight and nodded. “I overheard Tanner.” She pulled two low ball tumblers out of her coat pockets. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s part of his job.” Q tried to make light of it. 

Eve just nodded. “Pour the bourbon.” 

 

~~~

James was trying, and failing. He was trying to focus on the body that now lay beneath him, to pay attention, to show proper responses, even if every single one of them was faked. Because the body that lay below him was too large, too heavy set, too hirsute, too musky. The fingers were too thick, not nimble and quick. James prayed that the drugs he had mixed into the champagne to incapacitate the man below him would work even faster because the feel of lips against his that weren’t Q’s was impossible to endure. 

 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: This is the worst night I have faced since James drove away with Madeleine and I thought he was gone forever. The idea of him with someone else, not just someone else, but with another man, by order of M is destroying me. I could swallow the idea of him with a woman, it was different, there was no comparison, it was part of the job. But this… this goes beyond the pale. Thank god for Eve and the bourbon or I don’t know what I would have done. 

~~~


	32. Necessary Break

Chapter 32: Necessary break

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: No official entry offered. Quartermaster files temporarily closed and password secured. 

~~~

James tossed the file of information on Tanner’s desk. “Here.” 

“007”, Tanner called out to him. 

“Don’t,” Bond turned and raised a finger at him, “just don’t.” He turned and took several more steps towards the door. “You have what you need,” he said turning one more time. “Next time I’m forced into that I’m leaving, and while you may not miss me, I know you’ll miss Q, and I can guarantee I’ll do whatever I can to take him with me.” 

“Bond,” Tanner’s voice softened. But James had already walked out the door leaving Tanner to hang his head in regret. 

~~~

“Thank you Moneypenny,” James said as he walked past Eve’s desk. 

“Your welcome,” she said, “what are you thanking me for?”

“For getting him drunk and for keeping him company.” 

~~~

James arrived in Q branch near midday after getting clearance from medical, striding through the office to find Q. Identifying his location by the sound of Q’s directives ringing out over the office as people scuttled quickly to do his biding. James wasn’t sure how Q would react when they would finally see one another after what had happened. He found R and asked her to tell Q that he would be waiting in his office. 

It took no time at all for Q to swing open the door. “James,” he heaved as he launched himself at the man who stood in front of him. 

James gathered him into his arms, both of them clinging to the other, James hands bunched tight in the back of Q’s horribly colored aubergine cardigan as he held him close. “I’m sorry,” James whispered. 

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Q said quietly, holding James tightly as they both stood there silently. 

Finally James brought his mouth to Q’s ear, “you need to know I didn’t do it.” He brushed his lips over Q’s ear lobe. “I couldn’t.” 

Q nodded, “I know.” 

“Tanner and Mallory need to believe that I did,” James kept his voice quiet, he always assumed what was said could be heard by others when they were in MI6. Most of the time he couldn’t care less, but this time it mattered.” Then he pulled back to look at Q processing what Q had just said, “What do you mean you know? How do you know? I thought you turned off…” He held the younger man by the shoulders as he looked at him sternly, “you promised you wouldn’t…”

“I didn’t listen, I promise,” Q smiled, “I know because this morning I saw your credit card statement and I know you went to a sex shop and I know what you bought. I wish I had known that last night, I wouldn’t have drunk nearly as much bourbon with Eve.” 

James smiled and raised his eyebrows, “he never knew the difference.” 

Q sighed, “but what about next time?”

“I won’t let there be a next time, not like that anyway.” James desperately wanted to get Q out of the office, MI6 had too many eyes on everything. “Bloody hell, what I wouldn’t do for some time off, with you, alone, today.” 

Q looked at James intensely, then quirked one eyebrow up, one half of his smile following, “I think I can arrange that.” He leaned in and placed a quick peck on James’ lips, then frowned as he pulled back. “I found the addendum to the paperwork we signed for human resources. I had no idea you had made them agree to a stipulation that you wouldn’t be required to be with another man on a mission.” 

James just nodded and sighed. 

“So I agree, we could both do with that time off we’ve been talking about. I’d say they owe us both at least that much.” Q leaned up and whispered against his ear, “I think it’s time you learn about my other bolt hole. Meet me in the lowest level of the parking garage in four hours.” 

James raised an eyebrow studying Q’s face before smiling and slowly nodding.

~~~

James found him in the parking garage leaning against a jaguar he had never seen before. “Q? Is this your car?”

“Indeed it is,” Q couldn’t help the cocky grin that slid onto his face. “Get in. We are going away for a few days.” Q nodded towards the car as he pulled out car keys from his pocket that he clicked making the lock beep open. “The cats are waiting.” 

Bond climbed in and buckled his seatbelt not saying a word. After the last time Bond let Q drive the Aston he knew he would need to hold on and probably close his eyes. Q was a highly skilled, yet maniacly scary driver. 

As they headed east away from MI6, in the direction of Greenwich, Q was fiddling with the satellite radio trying to find the alt-rock station he listened to, waiting. He knew it was only a matter of time before James started asking questions.

“Q?”

“Yes James.” Q smirked. 

“Does anyone else know about this car?”

“No.”

“So there are no trackers in it?”

“Correct.” Q continued to fiddle with the radio, trying to find a station he liked. 

“And you turned them off in our phones too didn’t you.”

“Of course I did.”

“And all the trackers that regularly ping my location that I’m sure make me look like a Christmas tree on the computer screen?” Bond asked with a chuckle in his voice. 

“Off.” Then Q turned and looked at him and gave him a quizzical look. “Christmas tree?”

“Well, that nano blood is still active isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Q nodded. “It is.” 

“And all the other things you’ve injected into me? How many are you sporting?”

“One.”

“Only one?” Bond looked at him and sighed. “That hardly seems fair.” 

“I don’t traipse around the world. I’m easier to keep track of.” Q answered.

“Until you turn them all off, turn off the phone GPS signals, pull your trackerless car out of where ever you store it, and then head off to some location no one knows about.”

Q just winked and smiled. “I don’t want anyone to know where we are going.” 

“Wait, didn’t Mallory make you undo that hack after what happened in the midlands?” James adjusted his seat belt and reclined his seat so he could visit the cats in the backseat. “Hi Ellie,” he smiled as he stuck his fingers through the door of her cage to let her sniff them. 

“Yes, but he didn’t tell me I couldn’t create a new one.” Q answered, smiling as he watched James flirt with the felines. 

“You are too good at parsing directions. Remind me to always be really precise when I tell you something.” James leaned up to look at Q as he spoke. 

Q just raised his eyebrows and smiled mischieviously at James, before shifting the car into fifth gear and accelerating. Still fiddling with the radio Q gave up and turned it off when he couldn’t find anything he liked, skirting right past the 80s rock station that seemed to make James perk up. “No,” he said with a groan, “I don’t listen to Def Leppard.” 

“Music snob,” James teased him, opening the door to Eleanor’s cage to pull her out and let her sit on his lap while they drove. 

Q just smiled and then let the silence settle as they both listened to the sound of the road and the hum of the engine. James studied the roadside as they drove trying to figure out where they were going, definitely east past Greenwich this time. 

“Q?”

“Yes James?” Q snickered, another round of questions starting. 

“How many bolt holes do you have?” James asked as he slid his fingers around Ellie’s ears making her purr and turn her chin up. 

“I’m not telling you.” 

“That seems like you don’t trust me Q,” James chuckled ironically and raised his eyebrows in challenge at his boyfriend. 

“I do. But I’m not telling you.” Q never took his eyes off the road. 

James sat back in the seat further, “Insurance?”

At that statement Q turned his head briefly and offered James a knowing smile, “Yes, something like that.” 

James let the silence settle between them again as he contemplated Q’s response, then, “Q?”

“Yes James?”

“You are independently wealthy aren’t you?”

“Yes.” Again his eyes didn’t waver from the road. 

“Family?”

“No.”

“Hacking?”

“No.”

Bond went quiet for a moment as he thought. 

“Patents and inventions?”

“Yes.” Q smiled turning briefly towards James, beaming. 

Bond just smirked. 

~~~

Q felt his phone vibrate in his jacket pocket and pulled it out quickly. He had turned off all alerts other then Eve. 

“Where are you Q?” Eve texted angrily, “And is Bond with you?”

“Not telling and yes he’s with me. We are both fine. Be back in a few days.” Q texted with one hand as he turned the corner and slowed the car, nearly to the building.

“Q, you can’t disappear like this. M is going to fire you.” 

“M owes us this one. Remember when I covered for 007 and told M that Bond was in Chelsea? Help me out Eve.” 

“Are you actually in Chelsea?”

“No.”

“Are you even in London?”

“Eve, please…” 

Eve pursed her lips in frustration. “Fine,” she pressed send on the text through closed lips. “But you check in with me by text twice a day, do you understand? If you don’t I’m sending out the RAF to look for you.” 

“Thanks Eve.” Q smiled. 

~~~

Q pulled up to what appeared to be an empty warehouse, then one of the bay doors started to open and James saw Q slip the transmitter for the door back into his pocket. Q slowly eased the car in until they were inside and he could shut the bay door behind them. 

What appeared to be an empty warehouse was really a façade for a sleek industrial space that had Q written all over it. Benches of computer equipment, neat piles of metal prototypes for things that made James open his eyes wide in awe. 

“Q, is this your secret lab?” James quickly put Ellie back in her carrier as Q turned off the car. 

Q smirked and let out a chuckle, “I’ve never called it that, but I guess it is, yes.” Then Q reached for the cat carriers, handing one to James before adding, “come along James, I’ll show you the rest of the space. Carry Eleanor for me. I’ll get Penelope.” 

The entire ground floor was a combination of parking garage and lab space for all of Q’s inventions. James looked longingly at the sports cars still in states of refurbishment, a vintage emerald green Triumph Spitfire, a black Austin Healey and an old MG, that one more parts then car based on the piles around the chassis. Looking sideways at Q who just kept walking forward with a knowing smirk on his face. “Yes, these all belong to me,” he said as he reached the freight elevator that would take them upstairs. “And no, you can’t drive any of them.” 

“I didn’t ask if I could,” James protested, following Q into the elevator and swinging the metal gate closed behind them. “Q, why do you take the tube to work when you own so many cars?” 

“Driving in London is a pain. The tube is easier,” the only answer Q offered. 

When the door to the elevator opened on the floor above James laughed, while the space was still industrial, it also was classic Q, overstuffed couch in navy blue, oversized computer flat screen connected to the entertainment system Q could access from any space in the warehouse all in a great room that included the kitchen with a large island and breakfast nook along one wall. The only room separation was a privacy screen that broke the space in one corner where Q had a large king size bed. 

“How often do you come here, this space is fantastic?” James put down Eleanor’s cat carrier and opened the door to let her run free. 

“I haven’t been here since you and I started sleeping together. When would I have had the chance?” Q bent over to let Penelope out.

James turned and opened the refrigerator, “then how is the fridge stocked? I didn’t think anyone knew about this place.”

“No one knows I’m the one who owns it. I have a service I use to keep an eye on it, pick up deliveries and such.” Q reached around James to grab a drink from the door. 

“And just what are we actually doing here? You know when I suggested we take some time off, I was thinking about a beach, and room service.” James grabbed a cold beer and closed the door, turning to lean against the counter as he admired the view of his boyfriend who was bent over and searching the lower cupboard for a bag of crisps. 

“Aha,” he declared and then stood to face James, pulling the bag open and offering it to him. “You know I don’t like to fly. So when you said you wanted some time alone, I thought this would be just as relaxing because we can do whatever we want. We can do nothing, or everything. We can stay up late to watch movies, and make out on the couch. We can sleep as long as we want.”

“Can we then?” James reached out to tug Q’s wrist towards him, pulling him close. 

Q went willingly. He wanted these next few days to be pure indulgence after all they had been through these past months. He was feeling possessive. The emotions that had swamped him when James had been forced into sex with the man in Montenegro had surprised and overwhelmed him. He hadn’t realized how deeply he felt until he had to face the idea of James with someone else. And while those feelings included love and longing, they also brought up insecurity, regret and a surprising amount of jealousy. And now he was determined to drive those insecurities away. His mouth met James’ as their lips brushed, a warm wet collision, necks curving in towards each other as Q turned his face even closer, his body arching around James, curling into him like a sinuous cat. 

Finally pulling back Q ended the kiss with a loud suck on James’ bottom lip before letting him go, “and we don’t need room service because I’m going to show you that I do know how to cook. I’m good at it when I make the time.” 

“So it’s not just about the sex then?” James teased him. 

“Mmm, well we have to keep our strength up, sustenance is important.” Q answered with a smile. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: I may very well get fired for going AWOL again, but I honestly don’t care. After learning that James had negotiated that addendum to our H.R. paperwork and that M had so easily overridden it, M can fuck off for all I care at the moment. I want James to know how much that meant to me, how much HE means to me, and I’m determined to tell him how I feel. I just need to find the right moment. 

~~~


	33. Role Reversal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I posted this and then quickly took it down again realizing I had left myself a rather large reminder in the middle of a paragraph that I had to fix. Apologies if anyone got a notice and came to look for it and couldn't find the new chapter. It's here now!

Chapter 33: Role reversals

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Quartermaster files temporarily closed and password secured. 

~~~

For three days they blissfully did exactly as Q promised. They slept late, they watched bad action film that James liked, and classic science fiction films that Q liked. They tinkered with Q’s cars. They napped and lounged in bed, the cats slumbering around them. They had fantastic sex, checking all the things off the list they hadn’t done yet, that Q had made so many months ago to put on James tablet during missions. And Q cooked elaborate dinners. 

“I still don’t know why you are so surprised I can cook? I’m good at following directions, and you know I can invent things.” Q said with a glib refrain as James lauded Q’s skills in the kitchen after another extraordinary dinner.

“Toast and black currant jam,” is all James said as he shook his head. 

“I’ve told you before, my choices are about time and convenience. Not about ability and interest.” Q said with a sigh, reaching for his coffee. “It’s cook elaborate meals, or design new technology to keep you safe. One or the other… I don’t have time for both.”

“Well then I look forward to the day when we leave MI6 and you have more time, because you certainly do have the ability.” James gave him an impish grin and leaned over to steal a bite of dessert from Q’s plate. “But if we eat like this all the time, I’m going to have start going on those morning runs with you.” James pushed back from the table grabbing both plates to head for the kitchen, leaning down quickly for a kiss. “I’ll clean up, only fair since you did the cooking.” He left Q at the table, not noticing the surprised look on his boyfriend’s face. 

Q was playing James’ comment over and over in his head, “I look forward to the day when we leave MI6, when we leave MI6, when we, when we…” Q knew exactly how long he and Bond had been together, although whether he considered the first time they shagged as the start of this relationship, or the point two months later when Q actually committed after James tracked him down in the midlands was open to interpretation. But Q tried hard not to think about the future. It made his heart hurt to consider all the ways this could end, and he hadn’t really considered the possibility that they might simply choose to leave MI6 together. 

“Q?” James was standing across the table, trying to get his attention. 

He brought his mind quickly back to the present, looking up with a sigh and a gentle smile that gave away none of his thoughts. “Yes?”

James chuckled, “what were you thinking about?” He reached for the last of the dishes on the table. “I said your name twice and you didn’t respond.” 

Q sighed then pushed back to stand, “nothing, sorry, just daydreaming. Here, I’ll help.” 

~~~

Q woke up early the next day, James’ comment still in his head. First thing he did was text Eve as he promised. “Still here, and still fine. Probably going to spend another day or two. Let me know if that will be a problem. I’m sure Riley can handle things unless something has come up that I don’t know about.” Quietly Q stole his way out of bed, gathering clothes before heading downstairs to the shop where he had a second tea kettle not wanting to wake up James, skipping his morning run to instead tinker on one of his sportcars. 

Eve texted back while Q busied himself with the broken door mechanism on the Spitfire, cup of tea at his elbow. He reached for his phone in his back pocket. “Q, there is always something coming up at MI6, and since you aren’t here and we don’t know where the hell you are, you obviously don’t know about it… but it’s nothing serious and yes, Riley can handle a few more days. Honestly the only reason M hasn’t fired you is because both he and Tanner realized they overstepped with Bond in Montenegro and they are giving you both a reprieve. But don’t push this too far.” 

Q huffed in consternation. “Overstepped,” he said out loud, “that’s an understatement.” Q had actually planned for today to be the day to return to London, but James’ off handed comment the night before about leaving MI6 was seriously stuck in Q’s head. Q knew Bond had a tremendous pension already set aside from his time in the Royal Navy, and he was certain that Bond made more money than he could spend as an agent. And regardless, even if James didn’t have a penny to his name, Q had more then he’d ever need, but he suspected James’ ego wouldn’t so easily accept his support.

Q had come to love his job as quartermaster. He had never planned to work for MI6, happy with Sam as an engineer and tech designer but after Sam died he was lost and needed something to focus all his attention on and MI6 was really the only place he could go. 

MI6 had tried to recruit him years earlier, as had the security agencies for several other countries after his work on developing safeguard firewalls and omega site encryption that had been part of his thesis for his computer science degree was published. He had turned them all down, not interested in espionage, especially when MI6 originally intended to make him a tech field agent. 

But after Sam died Q was approached by a terrorist organization, trying to lure him to help them create encryption so they could communicate across international boundaries. When he turned them down they threatened his life and he had no choice but to go to MI6 for protection. They were thrilled to have him, and given his skills immediately made him quartermaster. Now Q couldn’t really imagine doing anything else, certainly never anything as important as what he did for MI6. But that was before James. Before Q fell head over heels in love with the dangerous man who now slept upstairs in his bed. 

Months ago when James told Q he’d leave MI6 for him, after what had happened in Croatia, Q had told him not to, that he didn’t want James to give up his career for him. But now Q wasn’t so sure. After everything that had happened in Russia, after watching James mourn Alec, after the exhaustion of having to support James through the difficult missions since, and now after Montenegro and that gut wrenching moment when M stood over Q’s shoulder making Q be the one to tell James he would need to sleep with Carlyle, now Q definitely wasn’t so sure. He just wasn’t sure if James was serious last night and Q wanted more time to figure it out. 

Once again lost in his own thoughts, he was surprised to suddenly feel a presence behind him, hands finding his hips as he bent over in the backseat of the Triumph, an accusatory voice leaning in to whisper in his ear. “You disappeared and I woke up alone.” 

Q smiled turning to look over his shoulder, warm blue eyes meeting his, “you weren’t alone. You always have Eleanor.” 

James smiled, “mmm, true, but cat fur was not what I wanted to find when my hands wandered across the sheets this morning.” James leaned in further to place a kiss to the nape of Q’s neck. 

“Mmm,” Q hummed, his knees hitting the backseat as James loomed over him. He finally just bent his legs and climbed into the car, reaching for James’ hand to haul him into the backseat with him. 

James laughed as Q enthusiastically climbed across James’ lap to kiss him good morning and then leaned in to suck on James’ neck. James’ voice breathy, “are we going to make out in the back of your sports car this morning?” 

“Isn’t this what you wanted?” Q leaned back briefly, his hands wrapped around James’ neck before bringing his mouth back to James, intending to slowly snog his boyfriend. 

James didn’t bother to answer. He simply slipped his hands down the backside of Q’s trousers in order to squeeze his arse and then slid his tongue into Q’s mouth when Q yelped in surprise. But navigating the tiny backseat of a sports car turned out to be more difficult than anticipated. James ended up having to open the car door to stretch out their legs, and just as he laid back to encourage Q to climb on top he felt a spring in the seat slip and stab him in the back. “Ow!” 

“What?” Q stopped, “I didn’t do anything.” 

“No, it’s the seat, the springs are shot, I’m going to end up bruised and not in good ways.” James complained. 

Q laughed. “We could try the Healey? Or maybe the MG?” 

“How about we acknowledge we aren’t teenagers and not try to fuck in the back of a sports car?” James growled as he sat up, Q now in his lap laughing. 

“Then where shall we go?” 

“Back to the wonderfully comfortable bed upstairs which is where I wanted to find you to begin with,” James suggested. 

“Fine,” Q rolled his eyes as he tried to climb off James’ lap, his knee sliding off the seat and canting him sideways, now stuck between the seat and the floor. 

James swore as he tried to sit up, another spring stabbing him in the hip as he tried to grab Q’s flailing arm and haul him back up. “I hate this car.” 

Q was trying to back his way out of the backseat now, one foot on the ground, but he couldn’t twist his hips with James blocking his other foot. “Move your foot James.”

“Oh bloody hell,” James protested. 

It still took additional maneuvering of limbs to untangle and climb out of the car, but in the end they were both extremely grateful to find themselves with pillows and under blankets and with more then enough room to spread out, even if they once again ended up with tangled limbs when they finally flopped to the mattress in satisfaction. 

Completely worn out, they both now lay quietly. Q had ended up upside down and parallel to James after their rather vigorous morning romp. James lay staring at the ceiling, one arm folded over his chest, his hand on his heart, the other wrapped around Q’s ankle, which softly stroked the skin along the gentle curve from his Achilles tendon to his calf muscle. He could feel every sinewy ridge as Q occasionally flexed his foot. 

Q’s mind was full of all sorts of things he wanted to say and things he wanted to ask James about, trying to find a way to bring up the possibility of actually leaving MI6. But James voice broke through the silence derailing Q’s plans. “When do we need to be back at MI6?” 

“I told Eve I was hoping for another day or two, when I checked in with her this morning. Why?” he asked. 

“Tanner mentioned there was another lead on the Russian splinter groups just before we left.”

“Ah,” Q closed his eyes, “and you are determined to finish that job, aren’t you.” 

“I am,” James acknowledged. “But I’m not in a hurry. I’d love a few more days, just you and I.” 

Q nodded and swallowed hard. Apparently now was not the time to ask James about leaving MI6. But then Q’s mind went another direction instead, given what the two had just done and he was too curious not to ask. “Can I ask a question about Carlyle?” He felt James tense beside him just at the mention of his name. 

“What?” James tentatively prompted. 

Q didn’t look at Bond, putting the question out into the empty air between them. “What would you have done if he had wanted to fuck you, instead of letting you fuck him?” 

“I would have done my best to convince him otherwise,” James said rather pointedly. Q was quiet after James’ answer and eventually James prompted him again. “Why do you ask Q?” 

Q suddenly sat up and spun around, his legs bending beneath him as he climbed up the bed to lay beside James now shoulder to shoulder. “Have you ever been the bottom?” Q finally asked. He didn’t turn to look at James, once again asking the question to the air, but he could feel James tense beside him and slowly he let his eyes drift to the left to see if he could see James’ face. 

Eventually James rolled to his side, propping himself on his elbow to look down at Q, his eyebrows raised as he answered the question with a question. “Are you telling me you want to top me?” 

“I didn’t tell you anything. I asked a question.” Q huffed. James was teasing him, and Q knew James well enough to know that James often deflected things he didn’t want to answer by teasing. 

James sighed, as he looked down at Q, growing serious. “No, I’ve never been the bottom.” He tried to read Q’s reaction, thinking Q couldn’t be surprised by that answer, then he asked, “have you ever been the top?” 

“Yes.” Q answered simply. 

“With Sam?” James asked, thinking it unlikely that Daniel or Peter would have encouraged him to play that role. 

Q turned to look more directly at James, not immediately answering. “Actually no.” 

“No?” James was surprised. 

“It was with a guy I only saw a few times. I’ve never…” Q hesitated, “I’ve never been the dominant one in a longer term relationship.”

James laughed loudly, “Oh yes you have. You dominate me all the time. Just because I’m the one sliding my cock into you and not the other way around doesn’t mean you aren’t dominant. I think you might be, what do they call it?” James smiled as he leaned down to kiss his boyfriend, “… a power bottom.” 

Q smirked then giggled, “maybe that’s true.” Then he reached up to put his hand on James’ cheek, running his palm against the three day scruff that had grown on James’ chin. The insides of Q’s thighs were still tingling a bit because of that scruff.

James smiled, turning his cheek into Q’s hand before leaning down to kiss him gently, then turning and flopping once again onto his back. “But you still think you want to top me, don’t you?” James returned the conversation back where it began. 

“I want to know what it feels like to be inside of you.” Q affirmed. “I want you to know what it feels like to have me inside of you.” 

After a prolonged moment of silence between them as Q’s comment hung in the air, he heard James let out a long slow breath before he replied. “Okay.” 

Q turned his head quickly to look at James, “what did you say?”

James rolled his eyes, “I said okay.”

Q was surprised, “really?” 

James nodded, then closed his eyes, “I’m not good at saying no to you, so yes, okay.” Q sat up quickly making James reach out for his arm, “but jesus, not right now!” When Q paused James added, “you have to let me get used to this idea first.” 

Q smirked and leaned over to kiss his nervous boyfriend, “don’t worry James, I let you do it to me all the time, you’ve got nothing to worry about.” Then he turned to climb off the bed, “and really, I wasn’t planning to just flip you over and fuck you right now. I was just going in search of something to drink. We’ll work you up to it slowly.” And with that Q stood, flexing his back as he stretched, wandering naked across the floor of the warehouse heading for the kitchen. 

James took another deep breath, “don’t worry James, you’ve got nothing to worry about.” He mimicked Q with just a hint of sarcasm in his voice. 

~~~

“I can’t believe I said yes to this,” James murmured to himself feeling a twinge and uncomfortable stretch as he twisted his hips trying to climb out of the wingback chair, leaning down to grab Ellie. Because while Q had been delightfully giddy all late morning, his little closed mouth smile and giggle punctuating nearly everything he said to James, James was feeling more and more nervous and reluctant, not convinced this was ever going to feel good. 

Q however at this point was starting to second guess whether propositioning James had been a good idea. He had been truly surprised that James had said yes. Just the idea that James would make himself that vulnerable to Q had made Q overwhelmingly happy, but as he watched James responses more closely as the afternoon gave way to dusk, he could tell James was getting more and more tense. More than once as James passed him in the warehouse where Q had gone back down to finish tinkering on the Triumph he saw James unconsciously clench his jaw which made the muscle in his cheek flex in relief and when a brush of Q’s hand over James shoulder made James startle, his shoulders rising unintentionally Q began to wonder what was going on. Q’s enthusiasm was now all but gone seeing James become so tense. He had no intention of doing anything that clearly made James uncomfortable, and James was clearly uncomfortable. 

James slowly climbed the stairs from the lower level now spotting Q in the kitchen area, the smell of something savory roasting in the oven had drawn him upstairs. Q was sitting at the counter, cutting vegetables for a salad, his brow furrowed, his lower lip petulant as he pushed the knife down through the cucumber, the harsh snap of the knife against the cutting board harder then necessary. Then James saw the resigned look on Q’s face, the breath of a sigh as his chest rose and fell. “Q?” James finally interrupted him. Q’s face lifted to look at James, his eyebrows raised, surprised to hear his name, then he shuttered his expression, looking back down at the counter, gathering the cut vegetables to lift into the salad bowl. “You okay?” James asked. 

Q paused then lifted his chin and smiled, a closed lip smile that sat somewhat uncomfortably on his face. “Yes, of course.” Q answered. Then reached for the potholders to turn quickly towards the oven, pulling open the door to check the fish before starting on the sauce that would finish the dish. 

“It smells glorious in here.” James inhaled the aroma wafting from the open oven door. “You really should cook more often. I think I like it when we change roles.” James turned on an obvious flirtation, sensing Q’s mood was now dark for some reason. 

Q let out a quick huff of breath and nodded curtly. “Right, about that.” He didn’t look at James, as he reached to pull plates from the cupboard before turning to hand them to him, “what I suggested this morning, let’s just forget about that, no need to change roles in all that we do.” He had pulled open the drawer to retrieve flatware, stacking it now on the plates. “Set the table would you?” Q added, ending the conversation as he now turned back to the refrigerator pulling out the milk to make the roux for the lemon sauce for the fish. 

James pursed his lips, nodding at Q’s back. His own expression now confused. “Sure, I’ll set the table.” 

Q looked back over his shoulder briefly, “and pick a bottle of wine. Maybe a dry white to go with the fish?” 

James nodded, “white it is. Although I may make a martini.” 

Q snickered. “I guess vodka goes with fish as well as wine. Make one for me too.” 

Things were quiet between them as they both sat for dinner, both men drinking their martinis faster then necessary, an odd confused energy in the room. “Would you make me another?” Q asked, pushing his glass forward with the tips of his fingers. 

James nodded, “of course,” as Q now served the fish and asparagus onto both of their plates. 

James watched as Q took a large sip of the second martini. “Drink that too fast and you won’t be able to take me to bed tonight. You don’t hold your liquor as well as I do remember.” 

Q quickly finished the second martini, he was in the mood to go numb, before he answered. “I already let you off the hook for that, remember? And I’m sure you can fuck me even if I’m drunk, doesn’t take much muscle control to lay on my back.” 

James felt a rush of confused anger and pushed back from the table, leaning back in his chair. “Q what has gotten into you? I never said I wanted to change my mind about letting you fuck me.” 

Q took a bite of fish, “you didn’t have to, you have been edgy and tense about it all day. So let’s just forget about it.”

James suddenly laughed out loud. He had figured it out. 

“Why are you laughing?” Q fumed, “I don’t think this is funny.”

The stroppy look on Q’s face made him laugh even harder, then he felt a jolt as he shifted in his chair and suddenly stopped, making Q look at him funny. James shook his head, “oh my darling Q…”

“Darling?” Q interrupted, his ire piqued. “James…”

James interrupted him, “I’ve been tense all day because I’ve had a damn butt plug up my arse trying to get ready for you.” James shifted his hips trying to get the tingle he could feel to subside. 

“What?” Q said, his eyebrows going up, his anger draining in surprise.

“When you went back down to work on the car this morning, after you asked if you could top me, I thought I better do something to make it a bit easier, so when I found the box of sex toys and…”

“Wait…” Q stopped him, “you’ve been wearing a butt plug all day?” Q chuckled, he had dropped his head into his hands but now looked up at James. 

“Yes…” James said with a sudden hesitancy. “I wanted it to be easier…” He stopped talking when Q started to laugh. 

“Oh James,” Q shook his head, his giggle subsiding. “How big is it?” 

James now frowned in consternation, “big enough…”

But Q didn’t let him finish as he mentally tried to catalog what was in the box James was talking about, he hadn’t even remembered having anything in the flat, but it definitely confirmed that James was always a spy and had clearly been snooping into everything he could find. Then Q remembered and raised his eyes in alarm, “go take it out.”

“What?” 

“Go take it out.” Q rolled his eyes. “If you’ve been wearing what I think you are wearing, no wonder you have been so tense. That’s not for long term use James, there are smaller…” but then he started to giggle again as he saw the look on James face start to blush in embarrassment. “Oh James,” Q quickly stood to reach for James arm as James gingerly stood up from the table. 

“Don’t,” James turned away. 

But Q was determined not to let James be embarrassed by this, he actually found it rather adorable that James had made such an effort. He reached again for James’ arm, this time grabbing his shoulder as he stepped up behind him as James turned to leave the room, wrapping his arms around James’ waist, his hands sliding up to his chest as he leaned into him, his chin now on James’ shoulder. “You know I could help you with this…” Q leaned in and kissed James’ neck, gently swiveling his hips to brush against James’ backside. 

James canted his hips forward to put some distance between his arse and Q, the surge of endorphins that arced through him at the feel of Q’s groin against him, making the plug shift inside made him squeak in surprise. 

Q smiled at the sound, burying his face in James’ neck in delight. “I could help you take it out,” he whispered against his ear. 

But James had already reached for Q’s hands, pulling them from his chest and stepping forward out of Q’s embrace. “No,” he huffed. “I’ll do it.” 

Q gave him a pouty smile, and a nod of encouragement. “Okay,” he nodded as he stepped back, turning back to the table. He tried very hard not to giggle as he watched James gingerly take several steps towards the bathroom. “Probably better to give you a bit of time to recover before I’m the one inside your arse.” 

This actually made James laugh and he quickly turned to look at Q, “Mmm, well I hope it feels better then this does.” 

“I promise it will,” Q smiled, then turned to sit back down at the table. 

When James came back to the dining room table Q kept his eyes on his plate in order to not giggle. “Everything okay?”

“Just fine thank you.” James gave him a pained grin, while trying to sit without flinching. 

Q already knew there was no way they were having sex tonight, or at least not sex where Q was the one fucking James. James was going to be sensitive for days. 

Later, as they climbed into bed, Q tucking himself into James’ shoulder, his hand sliding around to rest on the bone of James’ hip, he kissed the soft skin he found beneath his lips. “James?”

“Q, I’m too sore.” James immediately interrupted him. 

Q laughed, “I wasn’t going to suggest…” then paused and restarted, “Actually, I was wondering…” 

“You know I have a new found appreciation for how trusting you have to be to let me…” James interrupted again.

“Really?” Q pushed back and up onto his elbows looking down at James. “Are we really still talking about the plug?” Q talked over the top of him. He had actually been trying to broach the idea of leaving MI6, but clearly James had a one track mind at the moment. He turned and rolled over onto his back, looking at the ceiling. 

“Yes,” James lifted his head and turned to look at Q as he rolled to his side, his head propped on his own bicep, “I mean I know I’ve used things like that on other people.”

“Yeah, on me,” Q snickered. 

“Yes…on you,” James laughed. “And a few other men, and I’ve slept with countless women.”

“Thanks for that reminder,” Q huffed. “And you’re suggesting you’ve used plugs on women?”

“A few… yes,” James chuckled, “the point is I’m not a beginner, I should have known better, I don’t know why I thought…”

“Because it was new to you and you weren’t feeling confident,” Q reached out to run his hand along James’ cheek, offering comfort. “It seemed like a way to face something that clearly made you uncomfortable.” 

“Well that thing certainly was,” James sighed trying to make light of things. He turned his face to kiss Q’s palm gently, his eyes still locked on Q’s as they tried to read each other’s thoughts. “Q, I’m not uncomfortable with the idea of yielding myself to you. I do it all the time.”

Q smiled back warmly, “well there is no hurry, and if it never happens that’s okay James. I’m more than happy to be the one…” 

“Just give me a few days to recover,” James interrupted before leaning in to snog Q, because Q was starting to ramble and the best way to stop him was to distract him, and Q was pretty easy to distract when James put his mind to it. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: So many things in my head. We head back to London today. I’m still angry with M, although Eve assures me that both M and Tanner are completely aware that they can never ask that of James again. Apparently James threatened to quit and take me with him when he left the information with Bill. Which leads me to once again consider if James was serious when he off handedly suggested that someday WE would leave MI6 together. Question is when. Soon? I know it can’t happen until after James is done with the Russian missions. I keep thinking it will only be one more and I’m worried that I’ll just keep thinking that for another and another and another mission. I have to get out ahead of him on this, there must be a way for me to get more intelligence and do some of this from afar. I’m putting that at the top of the list for when we return. Riley can keep being quartermaster for all I care, and I’ll work behind the scenes on the Russian intelligence. 

I’m not ready to go back. These days here in Greenwich have been perfect. I think we get better at sex every single time, especially now that he’s no longer trying to burn off his anger at the world every time he climbs into bed with me. Yesterday when we went back to bed, after escaping the backseat of the Spitfire was the slowest and most intense sex I think we’ve ever had. I can still feel that slow drag of his fingers all along my spine as I sat in his lap, the deepest fullest feeling with him buried inside of me as we rocked. The look on his face, I’ll never get over the way he looks at me when he makes love to me, it’s like he can see everything in my head, every emotion. That was the moment I should have told him I loved him. But I was struck dumb, I couldn’t do anything but breath. Certainly he saw it in my eyes, he must have. His look was so intense I had to look away, arch into him, wrap my arms tighter around him. I can feel the wet heat of his breath on my neck. Fuck I want him again. And honestly the fact that James is even willing to consider letting me be the one to top him is beyond what I would have even imagined. I’m not even sure I can think about what that would be like right now. I think I’ll go find him and see if he wants to climb back into bed with me one more time before we go back to MI6, I intend to stall as long as I possibly can. 

~~~


	34. Birthdays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay- full disclosure. I wrote this for fun as a side story a while ago because I needed a pick me up and never found a place to include it in the larger story, but it's one of my favorite moments with these two. It doesn't move the plot forward one iota. And I decided to shoe horn it in here NOW, because I can't possibly get it to work with the plot line coming after the next few chapters. So we are taking a small diversion. Still works in the timeline, but it's nothing but fun. And fun is important (especially with what's coming...) 
> 
> (And this means I've adjusted the total chapter count to 50. 50 seems like a good number.)

Chapter 34: Birthdays

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Files reopened. Riley did an outstanding job in my absence even if she just about threw herself at me to hug me when I walked through the door and then immediately handed me my laptop with a summary of all the open missions. Apparently a couple of the double 0’s were a bit challenging in my absence but I hear she dressed one down for being a sexist and questioning her authority, which received thunderous applause from the rest of Q branch, and the other tried to ask her out. She was appalled. I asked her if it was 005, and by any chance had he suggested they have dinner together in the tank stored in the shop. She looked surprised that I would know that. I told her 005 asked me that just about every week, even though he knows I’m dating 007. (I haven’t told 007 this.) I reassured Riley that 005 just really wants to drive the tank. I’m still not sure how that tank even showed up in the shop. We really don’t have room. Needless to say, it’s actually nice to be back. (For now.) 

~~~

Two weeks had now passed since they returned to London. M hadn’t even dared to admonish Q for once again vanishing, he just welcomed them both back and asked Q to update him on the most recent missions once he had debriefed with Riley. When James asked about reinstating the addendum, Q had given M a look that would have been deadly had it been possible. M nodding quickly and then shifted his eyes away from both of them. The head of MI6 never apologized for a decision but both Q and James knew that M had essentially just done that very thing. And for as much as Q had wanted to relinquish leadership to R, when he had suggested it to James on the car ride back to central London James had convinced him not to do it. Mostly because James wanted Q in the decision making role and a guarantee that Q would still be the one on comms with James moving forward. Q agreed with a big sigh, still wishing he could limit his role, but he knew that while James may be his priority, he was, at least for now, still very much committed to MI6 and his responsibilities to Queen and country. However, that didn’t mean Q didn’t keep trying to find a way to broach the subject of leaving MI6 with James, which if Tanner and Mallory got wind of would have surely struck terror in the highest ranks of administration. It was clear that James’ threat to leave and take Q with him had rattled Tanner and both Tanner and Mallory were being lenient given what they had asked Bond to do. 

James had already had one mission back to Russia, which thankfully went well, but of course it wouldn’t be the last one. Q was beginning to believe there would never be a last one.

And now as Q sat in his office looking at the calendar, he sincerely wished that he and James were no longer under the strangling veil of secrecy that MI6 required with classified files, because the date on the calendar that stared back at him was a distinct reminder that there was much about him that James still didn’t know and under M’s orders couldn’t know. He knew he had probably gone too far when he told James about his past relationships, and even more so when he told him about the degrees that he held, but it was too late to take all of that back and he wouldn’t even if he could. And besides, James had stopped pushing for more. Ever since James’ had to face his own past and deal with the fallout from Alec, he had not turned his attention back to the mysteries of Q’s own history. 

Q had a list of all of the things he would tell James if he could and certainly his real name was the very first thing. But when MI6 had insisted that he scrub his history after the threat to his life from the terrorists who essentially drove him to MI6 for protection, he not only scrubbed his name from records but also scrubbed the history of his family, and all other identifying information, which included his birthday. Which was today. And James was on a mission and Q would be spending it alone, because James didn’t know. James couldn’t know. There were very few times that Q felt the weight of the secrets he carried, but on occasions when he wanted to share with James, occasions like his birthday, he felt the weight especially heavy. It didn’t help that James had taken a mission that had him outside of London and Q would be alone. But then again, better to let the day pass quietly, where James couldn’t see him mope then to raise suspicion. 

Eve would remember of course, as would Tanner, but it’s not like they could throw him a party. Q had already resolved to start the day early in the armory and work late, intending to lose himself in one of his pet projects, he’d distract himself and let the hours pass without notice. 

Which is why he was grumbling incessantly about having to now go home to figure out what had set off the cat alarm. If he still had their collar cameras functioning he could check in visually, but after James had used Q’s cat tech to track him down Q had never upgraded the software and reinstalled the cameras. Therefore when Eleanor’s alarm was triggered and sent an alert to Q’s phone, Q had no choice but to head home to investigate what had happened. But as he stomped up the stairs, mumbling and cursing under his breath, “bloody cat, what did you get into this time?” he paused when he sensed something else wasn’t right. There was a light on, a hint of it coming under the door and Q knew for a fact he hadn’t left any lights on in the flat when he left. Slowing his pace he crept silently towards the door, pressing his ear to the panel trying to discern sound. Nothing obvious to hear he slowly opened the door. “Eleanor? Penelope?” He called out and smiled when Penelope came running towards him, her gray tail swishing and twirling as she rubbed along his legs. 

Looking up he saw the balloons. And the sign, “Happy Birthday Q.” And Eleanor sitting on the back of the couch cushion with a party hat tied around her head, undoubtedly the reason her collar alarm had gone off. She didn’t seem to mind, she just opened one sleepy eye at him as he walked over to pet her. 

“Eve?” Q called out, knowing it had to be her. Eve was one of the few people who had access to his file and every year she remembered his birthday, even if it was in a small way. He hadn’t expected her to decorate his flat, she had already come by to say happy birthday and brought him a present at work today, but he knew she knew that he was gloomy about not being able to celebrate with James and he smiled in appreciation that she would make such an effort. “Eve?” He called out again, spotting a cake on the dining room table and presents wrapped nearby. He could smell something in the kitchen and headed through the door believing she must be in there. “Moneypenny?” He peaked his head in the door, no Eve, although the aroma of whatever was cooking in the oven was delicious. It smelled like the vindaloo James had made when they were in the countryside, Q frowned trying to make sense of the memory, no way that he had told Eve that story, and no way she would even know how to cook it. Eve didn’t cook anymore then he did. “Eve, where are you?” he turned back to the living room, Penelope still figure eighting around his legs. “Penelope, where’s Eve?” he reached to pick her up to prevent himself from tripping over her but she turned and headed for the bedroom looking back at him when he didn’t follow right away, an insistent meow beckoning him to come along. “Penelope, what has gotten into you?” When he opened the door to the bedroom he stopped cold in his tracks, shock on his face. 

“Happy Birthday Q,” James smiled, propped up with pillows as he leaned back against the headboard, his arms folded behind his head. The sheet that lay across his waist dipped low on one side, making it very clear that James didn’t have on a stitch of clothing. 

“James!” Q huffed, his voice breathy and surprised. “What? How?”

“You didn’t think I’d let your birthday go by without celebrating did you?” James smiled. Then pulled one hand from behind his head to pat the mattress beside him. 

But Q continued to stand in the doorway, gobsmacked with surprise. “I don’t understand. How did you know it was my birthday?”

James rolled his eyes, “Really? That is the most important thing on your mind at the moment?”

Q smiled and laughed a bit, his senses realigning as the surprise wore off, he finally took a step into the bedroom. “Oh please understand, I’m very happy to find you in our bed. This is a wonderful surprise…” Q dropped his satchel on the floor, shedding his coat right beside it. 

James smiled, “that’s more like it.” He sat up further in bed encouraging Q to continue. “because me just lying here in the bed isn’t really the present, it’s what I plan to do to you once you join me that…” but then he paused because he saw Q turn his head, the sound coming from the closet grabbing his attention, Penelope pawing at the door insistently. 

Q had his shirt half unbuttoned, his shoes toed off, his tie already on the floor, leaving a trail of clothes as he walked toward the bed, when he head the tiny sound. “James?” He looked at him curiously. “Why is Penelope at the closet door? What was that sound?” 

James rolled his eyes, then shook his head and threw back the sheet as he climbed from the far side of the bed. “That was supposed to be a surprise for later. He’s been asleep for hours and I thought he’d stay quiet, but I think he can hear Penny.” 

“He?” Q now walked more quickly towards the closet, ignoring the very naked man who now stood at his side as he shooed Penelope away from the door and reached down to open it. The soft mewl grew louder. Penelope was running in circles around Q’s feet as Q reached in for the small cat carrier. This was the reason Penelope had led Q to the bedroom. “James? Did you get me a kitten?” 

“Well that, plus a bunch of other presents, including me, naked in your bed, which I thought would lead to great birthday sex.” 

“You got me a kitten!” Q cried out gleefully, ignoring everything else James said as he set the carrier on the bed and opened the door to reach inside, the tiny thing now crying for attention. 

James rolled his eyes and sighed as he nodded, turning to sit beside him on the bed, reaching for his pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt as the chill in the room was now making his bare skin a bit too cold. “Yes, I got you a kitten.” Clearly sex wasn’t happening any time soon. 

Q carefully cupped the small animal, curling his fingers around it and then sliding his other hand beneath it as he pulled it from the carrier. The tiny brown puff of kitten curled into his hand immediately and Q couldn’t help but bring it to his cheek to nuzzle affectionately. “It’s beautiful,” Q closed his eyes and smiled as the kitten brushed against his nose. Silvery Penelope now stood beside him on the bed, reaching up to sniff at the small squirming creature. 

James sat beside him smiling, the look of adoration on Q’s face made him beam with happiness. The kitten had been a very good idea. 

Q then opened his eyes and looked quickly at James, “does it have a name?”

James laughed and reached out to wrap his hand around the nape of Q’s neck, pulling him closer, kitten and all, to kiss him gently, “that is up to you.” 

Q beamed. Holding the little thing up to look at him. “He has beautiful green eyes, and I’ve never seen a cat this color of brown, where did you find him?” 

“At the shelter, he just became adoptable. He reminded me of someone I know.” James leaned into Q, running his nose into the fur of the kitten as Q nestled it up against his own neck. 

“Who?” Q asked, somewhat stupidly. 

James snickered, then stood to open the door hearing Ellie on the other side meowing to be let in. “Oh, I think you’ll eventually figure it out.” 

Q looked at the kitten again, reaching out with his other hand to pet Penelope who was brushing hard against his elbow trying to get a chance to get close to the kitten. Then he saw Eleanor sidle slowly into the room, her party hat drooping low over one eye, she still had it on her head. Q laughed, “James, help her with her hat.” 

James scooped up the large gray tabby and plopped her hat back on her head properly. “I tried to get Penny to wear one of these, but she refused.” 

“Yes, well Eleanor loves you, she’ll do anything for you.” Q quipped, all his attention on the kitten. “They both love you really.”

James was about to reply with, “and what about you?” but Q interrupted, “James did you purposely set off Eleanor’s alarm to get me back to the flat, or was that dumb luck when you put the hat on her?” 

“It was on purpose,” James answered, the opportunity for love declarations slipping away yet again. “Are you hungry? I can finish up dinner and we can eat if you are.” Q didn’t hear the quiet added mumble, “since apparently pre-dinner sex isn’t happening.” 

“The vindaloo!” Q looked up, puzzle pieces sliding into place. “I should have known it was you when I smelled it in the kitchen. No way Eve…”

“You thought Eve did all of this?” James leaned into Q one more time, Ellie hanging over his shoulder her party hat now sliding over her face and down over her nose, to kiss him on the cheek before standing to head towards the kitchen, reaching up to take Ellie’s hat off completely. 

“She’s the only one I thought knew…” Q stood up, kitten cuddled to his chest, Penelope quickly following behind. Then Q spotted the backside of James pyjama bottoms. “James?” Q laughed. 

“What?” 

“Your pyjamas…” Q started, stepping forward to follow James. 

“What about them?” James smiled. 

“Your arse says, ‘property of Q’.” 

James just raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders. “Yep,” he kept walking, pausing only to shake his arse slightly in acknowledgement. 

“Shouldn’t it be the arse of my pyjamas that say ‘property of James’?” Q laughed, now following James into the kitchen, the brown kitten cuddled up into his neck as Q supported it with one hand. 

“I’d like to think it’s a mutual arrangement,” James smiled and winked, “and you do have a pair that say that, they are on the bed.” James grabbed potholders to pull the vindaloo out of the oven where he had been keeping it warm on low heat. 

“Another birthday present?” Q asked. 

“Mmm,” James nodded. “Although I did have a goal to make sure that you didn’t have any opportunity to wear them tonight.” He raised a cheeky half smile and winked at his boyfriend, “but I think the little neck warmer may get all your attention.” 

Q felt his blush warm his cheeks. “Oh, I think I have enough attention for both.” 

James saw Q blush and couldn’t help the full smile that now crept onto his face, his eyes lighting up with delight. He loved that he had that effect on his sharp witted, sassy quartermaster. No one ever saw this side of him except for James, and every time he caught the sensitive, vulnerable side of Q he reminded himself how lucky he was that Q picked him to share his life. “Grab the wine gorgeous.” James winked at him as he strode past with two plates served and ready to eat, laughing when he saw Q blush even more deeply. 

Q smiled, dropping his gaze and shaking his head as he grabbed the wine glasses with one hand, kitten still cuddled in the other before following James to the table. Quickly sitting while James opened the wine, Q settled the kitten into his lap, the small thing curling up to sleep immediately, letting Q tuck into the table. 

“Really?” James asked, glancing at Q’s lap. 

“What?” Q smiled, “no reason to put him down yet. I can eat like this.” The bigger challenge was Penelope continuing to circle, her interest in the kitten still on high alert. Eleanor, however was back on the couch, she could care less. 

It didn’t take long before Q asked the question James knew he must be trying to figure out. “James how did you know today was my birthday? All of my personal information is classified.” 

James smirked, lifting his wine glass to his lips for another sip, “wasn’t hard.” He set the glass down and reached for the bottle to refill both of their glasses leaning closer to Q. “I got it from Tanner, Eve and Mallory.” 

“How? They weren’t supposed to tell you.” Q took another bite of dinner.

“They didn’t.” James winked. 

“But… you just said…” Q frowned. 

James interrupted him with his reply. “It was easy really. I told Eve that I knew she couldn’t tell me your actual birthday, but if she would just tell me the month then I would do something small everyday. She thought it was very romantic.” 

Q snickered, “she fell for that?” 

“What? I am romantic!” James protested. 

Q sighed and smiled, “yes, I suppose that is true. You are a little bit romantic.” Q reached for his wine glass taking another sip, his other hand in his lap gently stroking the soft brown fur of his new kitten. “And let me guess, then you asked Tanner for the date, but not the month.” 

James smiled and raised his eyebrows in pleased acknowledgement. “Told him I would celebrate the same day every month instead.” 

“And Mallory? Did he give you the year?” Q chuckled. 

“You’d make a good spy Q. Happy 36th Birthday.”

“Thank you. Sounds like Eve, Tanner and Mallory could use a refresher on triangulating questions. I thought you were out of London today.”

“Mmm, well it’s hard to get anything past you, but I did work hard to make this a surprise.”

Q shook his head, “you had Riley in on this. The mission was a decoy.”

“How did you know it was Riley?” James asked, impressed at how quick Q was at figuring it all out.

“Because she’s the only other person in Q branch smart enough to create the false file, and you wouldn’t have asked Eve, Tanner or Mallory because they aren’t supposed to know you figured this out.” 

“Yes, well Riley and I have become quite good friends thanks to you.” 

Q took another bite of dinner, “well I sincerely appreciate the effort.” 

James let out a laugh as a small brown whiskered face suddenly appeared over the edge of the table, having awoken and curious about the smells from above. “He’s awake.” 

“Yes,” Q smiled, reaching down to scoop him up, Penelope again immediately by his chair having noticed the movement. 

“Penny and he are quite close already. You can put him down if you want.” James nodded. 

“Really?” Q looked concerned, but trusted James and gently leaned down to set the kitten on the ground. He tottered a few steps forward and then tipped sideways, Penelope already beside him, nudging him to a stand. And then she looked up at Q knowingly, reached over gently and picked the kitten up by the scruff of his neck in her mouth and trotted away. “Penelope!” Q was quickly standing.

“Q, don’t worry.” James laughed. “She’s been carrying him around all afternoon. He’s probably had more baths today then he’s had in his first eight weeks of life thanks to her.” 

Q sat back down with a sigh, looking over James’ shoulder where Penelope had disappeared with the kitten. Eleanor continued to snooze on the couch unperturbed. 

“Ready for cake?” James asked, standing to clear the plates. Amused at the way Q kept craning his neck trying to find his tottering four legged birthday present. 

“Cake?” Q quickly snapped his attention back to James. “What kind of cake?” Q loved cake. 

James smiled and raised his eyebrows, “chocolate mocha pound cake.” 

Q’s mouth literally dropped open, then he snapped it shut, a sudden surge of overwhelming emotion surprising him. “James…How did you know?” Q felt his lower lip start to quiver, his eyes suddenly going watery making him look away. 

But James reached over to catch his chin with his fingertips as he leaned over to kiss his once again surprised boyfriend on the mouth. “I found the recipe in the little card box in your cupboard. It’s got the most spilled stuff on it, and has the most wrinkles, I figured that must mean it was your favorite.” He felt Q’s chest fill with a breath as he heard James’ explanation. “Happy birthday Q.” 

Q pushed his chair back making James stand, and then Q was on his feet, reaching for James to pull him close, “I can’t believe you… no one has ever…” Q couldn’t help the tear that slipped from the corner of his eye. 

“Q?” James could hear the quiver in Q’s voice. He pulled back to look at Q’s face. 

Q smiled, a garbled laugh erupting from his chest as he tried to turn his face away again. “It’s nothing, I’m okay. I’m just being silly about this.” He let go of James and pushed back a step. He needed a little space. 

James felt his heart pang and his body flood with warmth at the clear emotion Q was fighting as he pulled him back in, holding him close. “You didn’t think anyone would remember your birthday today did you?”

Q sniffled and cleared his throat, standing taller, but not trying to unwrap himself from Bond’s embrace again. “Eve did actually. It was nice, she brought me a cupcake. I just didn’t expect that you…I mean, first the kitten, and now my favorite cake…” ” and then his voice broke again and he took a hitching breath. 

“Happy Birthday Q,” James said again quietly, and then his hand which was now curled around the nape of Q’s neck slid forward, his thumb running along Q’s jawline turning to lift his chin, his lips finding Q’s as his mouth tilted up. A gentle kiss, another whispered “happy birthday,” then another kiss this one deeper, a smile tightening his mouth for just a moment as he felt Q finally melt into him. Pulling back he brushed his mouth along Q’s stubbled cheek, “happy birthday.” 

Q hummed, “thank you James.” 

“You’re welcome,” James smiled, another kiss to Q’s mouth, heat starting to build between them as each kiss grew deeper and longer. “But we are nowhere near done celebrating,” James slid his hand off of Q’s back and down his lovely curvaceous bum, squeezing lightly as he pulled Q even closer. Q hummed at the feel of James roving hand, leaning in to nuzzle into James’ neck, feeling the steady beat of James’ pulse beneath his cheek. Then he felt as much as heard James rumbled voice. “Bedroom.” 

But Q tipped his head back to avoid the next kiss James was intent to press upon him. “Wait… what about the cake?” 

James paused, then relaxed his grip on Q’s body, settling back on his heels, a sigh escaping as he closed his eyes, “really?”

“You made me chocolate mocha pound cake James. You figured out it’s my favorite cake in the world, or course I want cake.” 

“Fine,” James let him go with a resigned sigh, “we’ll have cake.” 

“And the rest of my presents…” Q was like a child, over eager and excited. 

“And the rest of your presents.” James laughed. “I’ll get the cake, you go find the fluff ball. I know you want too.” 

Q came back out to the dining room with a very slicked looking brown cat. Penelope had once again washed him from the top of his head to the tip of his tail and as James put a piece of cake in front of Q he laughed as he watched Q gently run his fingers through his fur trying to fluff him back up. Penelope was sitting on the table watching this with a look of frustration on her face. “I think she had just gotten him the way she wanted him,” James chuckled. “You are messing him up. Look at Penny, she’s giving you shade.” 

Q looked up and smirked at Penelope, reaching out to scruff his favorite silver cat. “It’s okay Pen, you can have him back in a bit.” 

Two pieces of cake inhaled, Q headed for the couch, kitten still in hand as James brought over presents. “James, this is way too much. I don’t need anything else.”

“Birthdays are not about needing things Q,” James snickered, “they are about indulgence.”

“But..”

“Just open your presents.” James leaned over to kiss him on the forehead and steal the kitten. 

“Hey!” Q reached out for him. 

“You need two hands to open gifts,” James said off handedly, ignoring Q’s grabby fingers. “And besides, I want to snuggle with him too.” 

Q harrumphed but acquiesced, turning his attention to the gifts in front of him. “Which one should I open first?”

“Doesn’t matter.” James quipped. “Just pick one.” 

Twenty minutes later, wrapping paper accumulated on the floor, all three cats now playing hide and seek in the crinkly pile and Q was once again overwhelmed. 

Tins of exotic tea that James had collected from around the world, “James, how long have you been collecting these?” 

“Since we started seeing each other, just been waiting for the moment to give them all to you. And there is another tin of that chai that makes you go so loopy in there too.” 

A pile of new cat toys, “I would have gotten them all new collars, but I knew whatever tech you planned to do, including for the new kitten probably meant you should pick them out yourself,” James had added. 

Several new cardigan jumpers in bright colors, “But you hate my jumpers, you always complain about them.” 

James just winked at him. “I do, and there is a new bespoke suit hanging in your closet, I couldn’t wrap that up. But at least when you wear these I’ll know I’m the one who picked them out.” 

New music CDs. “The Garbage collector? You got me the complete back catalog of Garbage?” Q was beside himself with glee. 

“Look inside,” James was preening, leaning forward wanting Q to hurry. 

“It’s signed by Shirley Manson!!” Q looked up in awe. James was beaming. “With all the music you’ve introduced me too, they are my favorite, and you don’t have this collection.” 

Q sighed and pushed all his new gifts forward onto the coffee table, then leaned over and pushed James backward onto the couch climbing over the top of him, straddling his hips and snogging him until James had to push him back so he could catch his breath. “I take it you like all your gifts.” James was actually blushing. 

“Just having you know today was the day, and being here tonight would have been enough,” Q leaned down and kissed him again, “just you making me dinner and my favorite cake would have been enough.” Q rolled his hips down against James making James gasp. “Just the new kitten…” Q rolled his hips and leaned down to press his mouth to James again. “But all of this, ALL OF THIS!” Q sat up and swung his arms wide, “all of this,” he leaned down and said it more quietly against James mouth, “all of this is beyond amazing. This is the best birthday I’ve ever had James.” 

“We haven’t even had birthday sex yet,” James laughed. “We are going to have birthday sex right?” 

Q’s face lit up with a huge grin and then a giggle, “oh yes. We are most definitely going to have birthday sex.” 

“Now?” James was hopeful. 

“Now,” Q nodded and then climbed off the couch, reaching for James’ hand. “Think the cats are okay together out here without supervision for a while?”

“Oh yes,” James nodded vigorously. He already had pulled his t-shirt off over his head and was dragging Q down the hall. 

“Shall I put on my “property of James” pyjamas?” Q laughed watching James’ “property of Q” arse leading the way ahead of him. 

“No, there will be no putting on of additional clothes, there will only be taking off of clothes.” James chided him. “As a matter of fact, you could be starting that process now you know.” 

“We haven’t even reached the bedroom.” Q laughed, but then felt himself yanked through the doorway and yelped as James swung him around and tossed him on the bed. 

“We are now,” James laughed. “I’ve been thinking about this all day.” 

Q giggled, “right, well do I get to make requests for my birthday?” He had peeled off his button down and was now half way out of his Tom Waits concert t-shirt. His hair going in all directions once he had pulled it over his head. 

“Whatever you want,” James smiled as he crawled up Q’s lanky frame, peppering kisses and nipping love bites along the way making Q tremble under his mouth. 

Q pushed on his shoulder, “roll over.” 

James did, lying beside him on his back, then sitting up and reaching for Q as Q climbed off the bed, “wait a second, where are you going?”

“I’ll be right back,” Q disappeared out the door but returned in less than a minute, a big black Sharpie marker in his hand. “I think we need a different property sign.” 

“What are you doing?” James eyes went wide as Q climbed on the bed, pulling the cap off with his teeth, straddling James’ hips as he climbed over him. 

“This is more accurate,” Q hummed, his voice muffled by the cap in his mouth. “Lay back,” one hand pressed to James abdominal muscles, leaning him back against the pillows, the other holding the marker. He leaned in to draw on James’ skin. 

“Q!?” James laughed, trying to read what Q was writing from above. 

“Stop laughing, you are flexing your stomach and making it hard to write,” Q chastised him. 

“Sorry,” James snickered and tried to still himself. Q finished quickly and slid lower down the bed to admire his work. James could now read it clearly. “Property of Q” with a big black arrow pointing down towards his cock written on his stomach. 

“Really?” James laughed. 

“Mmm,” Q nodded. “Yes.” And then he promptly leaned forward and took as much of James’ cock into his mouth as he could sucking hard. Coming up with a slurp, he raised his eyebrows at James and said, “happy birthday to me.” 

James smiled and reached down to thread his fingers through Q’s floppy locks, “happy birthday to both of us I’d say,” then he hissed and dropped his head back to the pillows when Q leaned forward and popped the head of James’ cock back between his lips. 

By the time they were done Q had written all over James with the Sharpie, claiming all parts of James’ body as his personal property, from the hard muscles of his thighs, to the expanse of his back, he had Qs marked everywhere. Q had paid special attention to mark each scar, covering them one at a time with his name. 

Not that Q looked any different. The insides of his thighs now sported upward pointing arrows and big JB initials. And his butt cheeks had been circled with zeroes on each one, with a seven written on his lower back. Q had looked back over his shoulder trying to figure out what James was writing for that one. “Really? You put 007 on my arse?” James had just winked at him and then leaned down to kiss each cheek making Q drop his head to the pillow in surprised delight when James’ tongue slid a bit lower. 

They had both been smart enough to avoid marking each other’s face and neck with permanent marker, but as always James had sucked a bruise just below Q’s left ear, his constant reminder when they made love. 

Only when they had worn each other out, panting and sweat covered, sheets on the floor, pillows wrinkled and marked from clenched hands, did James grab the marker for one last property mark. 

Q just groaned, “no more, I’m covered already. Who’s dumb idea was it to use a permanent marker?”

“Yours,” James smiled, “and I’m glad it’s permanent, because I’m marking this last one on myself.” And then James drew a heart over his own heart and put a Q in the center. 

Q sighed, his face going soft, “you have mine as well you know.” He reached for the marker to replicate James’ mark on his own chest. 

James looked down at him, his grey blue eyes warm and tired. “Happy Birthday Q.” 

Q leaned up and kissed him gently. “Thank you… for everything.” 

“Your welcome.” Then he raised his head, the sound of mewling in the hallway. 

Q propped himself up on his elbows and looked at the door. “We should let them in.” 

James nodded, and heaved himself off the bed to open the door as Q quickly straightened the sheets and pillows, pulling the duvet back up on the bed. In trotted Eleanor, immediately climbing onto James’ side to claim his pillow, and then much to Q’s delight in came Penelope, carrying the kitten with her, little legs dangling as he calmly put up with Penelope’s maternal instincts. Penelope jumped up on the bed and brought the brown ball of fur to Q, before curling around it herself. 

James climbed back into the bed, pulling the covers up over both of them as he curled up next to Q. “Have you thought of a name yet?” James asked, reaching over Q’s chest to scritch the brown fluff ball under the chin now that they had all settled in for the night. 

“No, not yet. But I figured out who the kitten reminds you of though.” Q looked down at the kitten, curled into the corner of his elbow. 

“You have?” James smiled. 

“Mmm, green eyes, brown hair,” Q hummed. “You think this kitten is me.” 

“So what shall we name him?” James asked again. 

Q so badly wanted to say his own birth name at that moment, but he couldn’t. Instead he deflected, “well, whatever it is I know you’ll shorten it to have an “ee ” sound on the end. Eleanor became Ellie and Penelope is Penny, so I’m trying to take that into consideration.” 

James nodded, brushing his nose up and down Q’s bare shoulder, his arm still stretched across Q, but now relaxed along his hip, his thumb drawing circles on Q’s hip bone, which was sporting a JB signature. “Mmm,” he hummed in reply, he was starting to drift asleep, “well whatever you pick is fine with me…” James closed his eyes, his lips coming one more time to Q’s skin, “happy birthday love.” 

Q sighed as he listened to James’ breath even out, the kitten softly purring on the other side, Penelope now tucked in beside it, Eleanor on the other side of James. “Thank you love,” he whispered quietly, at peace as his little family all settled in around him. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: 

I have never felt more loved, and I don’t think I have ever been happier. 

But I have no idea what I should name the kitten, who Penelope has stolen as her own. I’m starting a list of possible names. Eleanor and Penelope were named for my grandmothers. But I’ve never had a boy cat, and I didn’t like either of my grandfathers, and I certainly don’t have any fondness for my father. I’m tempted to just call him “C” for cat, given I work for MI6 and we all have code names. But I have bad memories of that initial after James nicknamed Denbigh “C”. Maybe Alan. Alan Turing invented the computer and was a gay man, I feel a certain connection to him. But James can’t make that a name with an e. Alan-ee? Alee? Hmm… that doesn’t work. 

I’m thinking maybe Benjamin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like to see the new kitten. 
> 
> http://www.catbreedslist.com/all-cat-breeds/Havana-Brown.html#.WNRCCbGZP_Q


	35. Monster

Chapter 35: Monster

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Bond keeps saying, “only one more mission to Russia.” But I’ve come to believe that it will never be just one more mission. 

Also worth noting are the pros and cons of bringing a kitten to work. It makes you the center of attention whether you want it or not. But who would have thought 005 would be so enamored with a tiny kitten that he’d completely forget to ask me about driving the tank this week. I may have to reconsider the possibility of using kittens as weapons of distraction. Maybe we could open a foster center for kittens here in Q branch to distract surly double 0 agents. 

~~~

The bliss of celebrating Q’s birthday was short lived. Two days later James was off on another mission, this time to Slovenia. He met Q in the lab to pick up his tech, finding Q with the new kitten sitting on his shoulder. “I thought I got you a cat, not a parrot.”

Q smirked, “he likes to climb. It was easier to just let him sit up here instead of feeling him scratch his way up my back every ten minutes.” 

“I don’t know, I think you like it when I scratch my way up your back,” James winked at him. 

Q’s cheeks went pink, “that’s different.” 

“What’s his name today?” James asked, reaching out to pluck him from Q’s shoulder and hold him up to study him. His little paws reaching out for purchase he ducked his head down into James’ hand, his beautiful green eyes peering between James’ fingers. Q smiled, as he watched James’ bring the fur ball down to place a kiss to his head. 

“K”

“K?” James looked up at Q with a smirk.

“For kitten.” Q exhaled with a sigh. “I can’t decide.” 

James’ shook his head. “No, he needs a proper name, not just an initial.”

“What’s wrong with an initial? My name is an initial!”

“That’s different, there is only one quartermaster. There are a million kittens, your initial is unique.” 

Q just rolled his eyes, “fine, I’ll pick a name.” Then Q came around the bench, holding the lock box with James’ refurbished Walther. “Here, for your mission.” He held it out to James, reaching to take the cat back from James, setting him on the floor to let him explore. Penelope complained every morning that Q took the kitten with him, leaving her behind, but he wanted the new cat to get lots of human attention and to learn his way around the lab as well as the flat. The new cat was Q’s constant companion since James’ gave him to him. 

“And here is the tablet, new intelligence files loaded.” Q was being very professional today, an unease that has niggling at him about this particular trip, he didn’t want to make James concerned. 

“Anything fun on here for me this time?” James gave him a sexy half smile. 

Q nodded, “you’ll figure it out. It’s a surprise,” not raising his eyes to look at James. 

“Hey?” James reached for Q and lifted his chin with his fingers. “You okay?” 

Q nodded, his eyes tilting down as the frown briefly slid onto his face before he forced it back to neutral turning away from James. “I’m fine. Let’s just make sure you have everything you need.” A grimace coming over his expression as the kitten now used his trouser leg as a climbing tree and started up the back of his thigh. Q reached back to grab him, lifting him back to his shoulder. 

“Sure,” James nodded, he could tell Q was off today and he was about to press the issue as Q turned to hand him the rest of his paperwork, about to speak but then stopped when the door to the lab opened and Eve walked in. 

“Let me see him!” Eve had been out of the office the past few days on a diplomatic mission with M and had only seen the pictures of the kitten that Q had sent her by text. Immediately at Q’s side she was reaching to pluck the tiny ball of fur from his shoulder, easing his little pin prick claws from the fabric of Q’s cardigan. She cooed in delight, “he’s beautiful!!!” 

The kitten stretched to sniff at Eve’s fingers, a new smell for him to learn. Eve turned with an appreciative smile at James. “Well done,” she beamed at him. “You are a right proper boyfriend I’d say.” 

“Who’d have thought you’d ever say those words,” James snickered. 

“Not me,” said Q, almost too quickly, making James laugh. But then Q added, “James you have to get going, or you’ll miss your flight.” 

“Right,” James nodded. “I’ll let you know when I land.” And then James and Q found themselves in the awkward situation of having to say goodbye to each other in front of Eve. James spotting the same look of concern he saw in Q’s eyes every time he left, feeling frustrated he couldn’t address it. He turned to Eve, “could you give us a minute Moneypenny?” 

She looked at both of them briefly seeing the expression on both of their faces. “Absolutely. I’ll just take him to your office, yeah Q?” she snuggled the kitten closer and headed out the door. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get him back,” Q lamented watching Eve disappear. 

“You will.” James smiled, “and you’ll get me back too.” And with that he pulled Q close to hug him, tugging his shirttails from his trousers to run his finger nails up Q’s lower back briefly, “and then I’ll be the one to scratch my way up your back, yeah?”

Q smiled, “as long as you don’t use me like a climbing tree.” 

James laughed, “promise.” Then he leaned in and kissed him warmly. “I’ll be back in a few days.” 

“Promise?” Q said. 

“Promise,” James said confidently. “Now go get back your cat from Eve before she sneaks him into her hand bag. And make it a goal to have a name picked by the time I get back, yeah?” 

Q nodded, placed one more kiss to James’ lips and then turned him to send him on his way, immediately following to find Eve and his kitten. 

~~~

Q found Eve sitting on the floor of his office, her stiletto heels kicked off, the kitten running all over her lap. “He’s adorable,” Eve said looking up at Q as he came in the office. 

“Mmm,” he nodded, the melancholy of saying goodbye to James still on his face. “James says he reminds him of me.” 

Eve grabbed the kitten and held him up looking at him and then looked at Q. “I can see that, those green eyes especially.” 

“Mmm, ironically I always thought of James as more of a dog person then a cat person.” 

Eve laughed, “oh, he’s definitely the dopey yellow Labrador when it comes to you.” 

Q couldn’t help but smile at that description but the melancholy came back quickly. 

“You okay sweetie?” Eve asked, scooping up the kitten to hand back to Q. 

He just nodded, it was easier to just nod then to say anything more, the kitten immediately tucked into his elbow, his fingers scruffing his neck and belly as it leaned back into this arm. 

“You are worried about James aren’t you,” Eve said. 

“Of course I am. I’m always worried about him. From the moment he leaves until the moment he gets back I worry.” Q said with a sigh. 

Eve slipped her stilettos back on and reached up to pull him close, “I know, but he’s got you looking out for him. There is no way to keep him safer then that.” She felt her phone buzz against her hip and looked down. “I’ve got to go, late for a meeting. But we’ll catch up soon yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Q nodded. “Come for dinner, you can spend the evening with the kitten and Eleanor and Penelope. But you’ll have to fight Pen for time with him, she’s gotten rather maternal about this little ball of fluff. 

“I’d love to,” she smiled, “now I’ve got to go.” Then as she reached the door she turned back, “and I know he got you that kitten for your birthday. I’m glad he figured it out. You deserve to be happy Q.” 

“Thanks Eve,” Q smiled, then sat down at his desk with a sigh, the kitten tottering over his keyboard and deleting the last two hours worth of work. “Bugger,” Q sighed. “Guess I need to install those automatic save features here too.” 

~~~

Q was now counting the hours to the end of the current mission, missing James badly. It had been another difficult mission and Q was anxious for James to get home so he could make sure James was really okay. 

“James?” Q called out relieved when he finally heard the door open. 

“It’s me,” he answered. James was just as relieved to hear Q’s voice. It had been a hellish couple of days and all he wanted was to spend the evening with a drink in his hand and Q next to him, and maybe a cat as well. 

Q met him in the living room, all three cats circling, he bent down to pick up the smallest one who was stumbling over his feet, “are you okay?” 

James nodded, “I’m fine,” as he dropped his suit bag on the arm of the couch and his duffel bag on the floor. 

“You look tired,” Q frowned, reaching up to run his hand along James’ cheek, handing James the kitten. 

“I’m fine,” James said again, although the weariness in his voice was obvious, he nuzzled the kitten quickly “does it have a name yet?” Then he set him on the couch, reaching instead to pull Q to him. 

Q nodded, “Benjamin, but most of the time I just call him the little monster. He may remind you of me, but he’s got your daredevil personality. I’ve had to retrieve him from the top of the bedroom window blinds twice already and Penelope has hauled him out of every dark corner he can find.” Then he reached for James’ hands to step back and study James’ face, still not convinced he was really fine. 

James knew Q could see right through him but he tried to cover and leaned in quickly to kiss his boyfriend. “I think I take umbrage at that. I have never climbed the bedroom blinds. Am I too late for dinner?”

“No, I’ll find something for both of us,” Q said warmly, stepping back with James’ hands still in his, “what about a shower for you first?” 

James sighed, “honestly a bath sounds better.” 

Q smiled, “perfect, you take a bath, I’ll find something for us to eat.” 

James still had Q’s fingers in his and he tugged gently, “join me.” 

“In the bath?” Q smiled. 

“Yes,” James said, “please?” 

Q nodded, “okay.” His cheeks tingeing pink, “you run the water, I’ll find something cold to snack on.” They didn’t do this very often, James didn’t often lounge in the tub.

By the time Q joined James in the bathroom, a tray of cheese, crackers, olives, dates, and almonds the room was steamy and warm. James’ back was to the door as he reclined in the tub. His head lay back on the tub ledge, bare shoulders just above the water level. “Still awake in here?” Q asked quietly approaching the tub. 

James opened his eyes and looked up warmly at Q, reaching up with his hand. “Relaxed, but very much awake. Climb in with me.” 

Q pulled a small cedar table closer to the tub to perch the tray. “Here, you eat while I undress,” Q handed James a glass of wine. Then reached up to tug his jumper up over his head, and unbutton his shirt. 

James watched as Q slowly shed his clothes, sipping his wine as he nodded at Q, separating his knees to make room for the lithe body that now stepped into the steamy water and sat down across from him, Q angling his calves along the inside of James’ knees as he settled into the water, his own knees, rounded and knobby straight up in front of him as he leaned forward to grab the plate of food, balancing it on his kneecaps with one hand while reaching forward to offer James an olive. 

“Mmm,” James took it from Q, the tip of his tongue sliding over Q’s fingertip before popping the olive between his lips. “Would be better with vodka.” James smiled as he chewed. 

“I’m not making martinis for the bath,” Q grinned and shook his head. “Here,” he leaned forward again offering James a cracker with cheese and a date balanced on top. 

James took it willingly, leaning back in the bath tub, his wine in one hand, watching as Q popped crackers and cheese into his own mouth, then an olive and almonds, before reaching for his own wine, his other hand still balancing the tray of food on his knees. James leaned in to retrieve more food, both of them snacking and sipping wine quietly, the steam rolling up around them from the dimly lit room as they studied each other. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Q asked him as he watched James’ face slip into a haunted grimace, emotions just below the surface. This had been another trip to track down another group connected to the Russian mob. Q knew there had been additional revelations about Alec. 

“No,” James said honestly, a deep sigh making his chest rise momentarily before he tilted the wine glass to his lips and swallowed the last big sip in the glass. “But I’d like some more of this.” 

Q handed James the tray of food briefly so he could lean over the side of the tub to retrieve the wine bottle, James quickly opting to set the tray on the table beside them, grabbing another hand full of olives and nuts to pop in his mouth before handing Q his glass for a refill. 

James smiled as he reclined back into the tub, reaching for Q’s ankle to lift his leg, bringing it along side his own hip to run his hands along the curve of Q’s muscle to his knee. He closed his eyes and leaned back, his fingers trailing Q’s skin over and over as he brought the glass of wine to his mouth for another sip. “It’s good to be home,” he said quietly, his fingers wrapping around Q’s ankle and tugging slightly to pull Q closer, the water sloshing softly between them. 

Q smiled, his heart rushing at James’ words, he lifted his other foot to slide it over James’ thigh and down along his other hip before pushing forward with his hands on the side of the tub, his feet sliding behind James as he wrapped his legs around his boyfriend and pulled himself closer, now nearly in his lap. “I’m happy your home too,” Q murmured before leaning in to wrap his arms around James’ neck and offering a kiss to James’ welcome mouth. 

James’ arms immediately came around Q’s back pulling him closer, now chest to chest, the water swirling around them as James bent his legs bringing them both to the center of the tub, enough room for Q to curl his legs around James’ hips this way. 

Q quietly explored as James led the kiss, his hands slipping through James’ hair and down across his shoulders. He accidentally discovered the new long bruise that ran along James’ back as his hands drifted lower, making James’ flinch. James’ turning his mouth away from Q’s kiss as he hissed, “a little tender there.” He arched in pressing closer to Q trying to move away from his fingers. 

Q sighed and sat back, his hands moving back to James’ shoulders, sitting cross legged wrapped around James. He studied his face and with a frustrated sigh he leaned down and wrapped his arms around him, resting his chin on James’ shoulder. Q’s elbows akimbo as he caressed the back of James’ neck with his fingers, “I hate that you come home so battered. There must be another way James. Please let someone else take on some of these missions.” Q was becoming more and more desperate to talk to James about permanently leaving MI6, the conversation from their time in Q’s Greenwich warehouse flat still very much in his mind, but he knew James wouldn’t consider it until after these missions were done, so he kept quiet, still waiting for the right time to suggest it. “I’ll even let 005 drive the tank if you let him go in your place.”

James wrapped his arms completely around Q as he held him close, his chin also perched on Q’s shoulder as he turned to press a kiss to the long column of Q’s neck. “You know I can’t do that. This is my responsibility,” he murmured. 

“Then why won’t you let me do more from a far. You don’t have to do all of this face to face.” Q was no where near believing, like Denbigh had believed, that technology could do everything, but he knew there were ways to limit James’ exposure if only he would agree. 

“Later,” James whispered, “let’s talk about this later.” His hands moved over Q’s bare back, sliding down into the water to trail across his hips and arse, and then along the outside of his thighs, making Q relax under James’ fingers his hips falling further open and letting him slide even closer to James. Both men let out an electricly charged sigh at the feel of their cocks sliding together. 

And then Q pulled back noticed the light from the door as it was slowly pushed open, a tiny brown head appearing and with an uncoordinated leap the little monster was suddenly on the little cedar table right beside the bathtub. 

“Has Benji ended up in the bathtub yet? Stop him or we’ll have a wet monster.” James said with a chuckle. 

“Benji? I should have known that’s what you would call him.” Q put his hand up to block him from getting his front feet on the edge of the tub just as Penelope arrived, stood up on her back legs, grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and hauled him back out of the bathroom. “Thanks Penelope,” Q smiled. “Now if she could just figure out how to shut the door.”

James quickly pulled Q back to his lap making the water slosh over the side of the tub, biting at Q’s neck, nipping under his ear at his favorite spot. “I’m ready to get out of the tub, the water is getting cold, let’s go to bed before the monster comes back.” He arched his hips, rolling up under Q to get his attention.

“Yes,” Q sighed, his head rolling back onto his shoulders as his body arched into James’, grinding down in response. “God yes.” 

~~~

Wet towels on the floor beside the bed they rolled together skin to skin, mouths and hands exploring. James sucked hard on the pebbled brown disc on Q’s chest making Q reach for him, threading his hands into James’ short hair and tugging him up. “Enough, that’s enough.” 

“It’s never enough,” James murmured into Q’s neck intent to taste every inch of him. 

Q strained, pinned beneath James to reach into the nightstand for lubricant.

“Here, give it to me,” James said. 

Q did, but then looked at him in surprise as James squeezed it into his hand and then reached for Q’s hips pulling him close before sliding his hand over Q’s cock, slicking him up. 

“James?” Q looked at him in surprise. “I…” 

“You,” James looked at him earnestly, “this time.” 

“Are you sure?” Q reached for his hands, following him down to the bed as James lay back on the pillows. 

“Yes,” James nodded. 

Q swallowed hard to calm his nerves, nodding in return as he moved up between James’ legs. “You have to talk to me and tell me to slow down or stop,” he leaned over to kiss James. “This absolutely shouldn’t hurt.” Q reached for the oil on the night stand, his fingers now slippery as he encouraged James, “you’ve got to relax.” 

James sighed, closing his eyes at the feel of Q’s fingers, “relax,” he murmured, trying not to flinch at the first foreign feel of Q’s finger in a place it had never been before.

~~~

“Bloody hell,” James whimpered, his chest heaving. 

Q flopped down beside him, sweaty and winded from exertion. “Okay?” 

James laughed, “Okay? Christ Q, if I had known it felt that good we would have switched a long time ago. I had no idea.” 

Q smiled an impish smile, rolling over to rest his chin on James’ arm, beaming with delight. “Then I guess I did it right.” 

A loud guffaw as James laughed, reaching over to run his hand through Q’s wild mop of hair. “Oh yes. You most definitely did it right. And we’ll definitely be doing that again.” 

Q beamed. 

James continued, “…and again… and again.” 

Q eventually rolled his eyes and then rolled away onto his back, exhausted, his arms flopped over his head. “I’ve created a monster.” 

“You already said I was one, now I’ve just confirmed it. Benji and I can climb the bedroom shades together tomorrow.” James laughed. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: He’s home. Weary and sore but whole. It’s all I ever hope for. And tonight James asked me to make love to him. I will never ever forget the look on his face when I pressed into him that very first time; the way his jaw flexed, his nose flared as he sucked in a breath, his eyes rolling up, then the warmest huff of air pushed from his lungs as he held tight to my arms with his fingers, one hand moving to clench my shoulder, his thighs flexing hard as he pushed up to meet me. I could feel the vibration through all of his body as he clenched around me, bringing me deeper, the heat from the inside of his body firing through me. I’ve never felt so close to him before. James made himself absolutely vulnerable and all I could feel was the need to care for and protect him. I don’t know that I could love him any more then I do. 

~~~


	36. Tattoo

Chapter 36: Tattoo

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: All agent responsibilities for tech and comm. support have been reviewed and assigned to R, S and T as appropriate. My focus will turn to equipment research and development for the interim time until reassessment by M.

~~~

Q knew he would live the rest of his life with regret. He kept hoping one more mission would wrap up the loose ends that followed Alec through Russia. But it didn’t seem to end. James however was feeling more confident that he was close. Q was busy prepping the tech and information for what he really hoped was Bond’s last trip, this time to Belarus. Bond joined him in the lab for an update to his gun palm print. “Come home safely,” Q offered quietly as he handed James the equipment box. 

“I will, I promise. I think this might be it. Maybe my next mission can be someplace warm and tropical.” He smiled. 

Q opened his mouth to say something but stopped, shaking his head. 

“What?” James asked seeing Q’s response. 

“Nothing,” Q shook his head again, “It’s nothing, it can wait.” He offered James a small closed mouth smile, making his eyes narrow behind his tech glasses. 

James nodded, and looked at his watch. “I’ve got to go.” He leaned in quickly to kiss Q goodbye. “I’ll be back as quick as I can.”

Q kissed him back, then tugged James’ hand one more time as he stepped away, pulling him back for one more kiss. This would be the moment that Q would replay in his head over and over and over. He should have told him right then, he should have said the words. But he didn’t and his memory would be James stepping closer with a smile and a shake of his head, “I’ve got to go,” before one more quick press of his lips then turning away, “I’ll see you in a few days.” 

Q watched him walk away. Two days later Q would feel immense regret for not saying everything he had wanted to say when he had the chance. 

~~~

“Q, you need to come upstairs right now.” Eve sent multiple messages in every format; text, voice, email simultaneously. 

But Eve was too late, because of course Q already knew. He had known immediately. He was the one that always supported Bond on missions. And even though it had been the middle of the night when it happened, Q still knew immediately, because he had coded Bond’s trackers to ping his phone, which he kept by his bed, if anything happened to them. And they had all already pinged, and then they had all gone silent. Q had already been in the office working for four hours trying to figure out what had happened, and trying to reach James via some sort of communication. But James had disappeared. 

Q replied to Eve. “Of course. I’ll be up in two minutes.” And he was good to his word. Two minutes later he stood in front of Eve’s desk. “Assuming M wants to see me.” He said in his normal clipped, quiet tone. 

Eve looked up and Q could see the panic in her eyes. “Q…” She couldn’t understand the calm she saw on Q’s face. 

Q took a breath, visibly pursing his lips ever so briefly as he flattened his palms against his hips, flexing his fingers. He would remain calm. “Eve… does M want to see me?” 

“Yes,” she nodded, tears immediately coming to her eyes, she turned away from Q and pressed the buzzer on the intercom. 

Q didn’t wait for the reply, when he heard the beep he headed for the door and opened it. Unsurprised to find both Tanner and M in the office. 

Tanner looked sympathetically at Q, but Q looked away, only Mallory had the same calm expression he always wore when he addressed the quartermaster. “Q, I know you are aware that 007 has gone missing.”

“Yes sir,” Q nodded. 

“What information do you have that we need to know about?” M followed up as Tanner added, “what was his last exact location? Who did he last interact with? When did he last check in? We are trying to formulate a plan to find him.”

“And you want to know where to start?” Q nodded looking down, flexing his fingers. He chewed his bottom lip as he lifted his face to both men, running his hand through his hair to brush it from his eyes. “I’ve just sent both of you this information electronically, right before I came up. About 4 a.m., I got an alert that Bond’s trackers were going silent. As you know he’s been in Belarus for the past week following one of the leads from the Trevalyn mission in St. Petersburg. I immediately checked his location. He was taken from his hotel and the trackers suggested, and I confirmed by satellite images that he was moved by truck about one hundred miles to a military site. It was there that the trackers went silent.”

“All of them? Even the smart blood? Aren’t we still using smart blood to track the 00’s?” Tanner asked looking first at M and then at Q.

“Not all the 00s. Not after Denbigh, but since Bond had already been injected, yes. And yes, even the smart blood has gone quiet.” Q answered without a single change in his voice. 

“But that would mean…” Tanner started and then stopped himself before he finished the sentence. 

Q finished it for him. “… that would mean that Bond is dead.” 

“Q” Mallory grimaced and quickly amended, “we won’t draw that conclusion until we send in agents to find him. And I want to do that immediately. Tanner and Moneypenny have reconfigured assignments for all the available 00 agents. We want all of them sent to the last locations where Bond was seen, the hotel, the military compound, and the surrounding areas. They will need information, and they’ll need tech and support.” 

Q nodded. “Yes sir.” 

“Q?” Mallory said slowly, for the first time lowering his head to look up at Q with concern, and with obvious sympathy, “can you do this?” 

“Of course sir.” Q nodded. “I’ve already started pulling the information, and the tech, I expected you’d be sending reconnaissance.” 

“Q?” Tanner stepped closer to him, almost reaching for his arm, but when Q stood more upright, his back straight, Tanner retreated. 

“Will that be all?” Q asked. 

“For now,” M nodded.   
~~~

There was no trace of Bond. The agents they sent to find him had found nothing. His suitcase and clothes were still in his hotel room and they arranged to have them sent back to London. There was no sign of forced entry, there was no sign of struggle. The military compound where Q had last record of Bond’s trackers was clean, except for the faint trail of blood on the floor they had found when they tested it with U.V. light. Eve had made sure Q had never seen that picture. Or at least she thought she had. 

Mallory however refused to declare Bond deceased. “No body, no proof and it’s only been a week,” he had said loudly to Tanner, when Bill had pushed for M to change tactics. Q had been standing in Eve’s office when M had yelled it and Eve had looked at Q. But Q hadn’t responded at all, he just waited for Tanner to open the door so Q could join the meeting. It was only when Q was leaving the office that Eve spotted Q reach up to touch the bruise on his neck, the vibrant mark Q always wore thanks to Bond. 

Eve didn’t know what to do for her friend. Her inquires into how he was or what he might need went unanswered. When she would stop down to see him, he was always working diligently, never wavering. It was like nothing had ever happened. It was like James had never existed. Except Q didn’t smile anymore. 

Eve grabbed Riley as she came around the corner. “Riley, is Q okay?”

Riley looked at Eve and paused, her eyes darting to Q’s closed office door before pursing her mouth tightly and shaking her head. “I don’t really know Ms. Moneypenny. He’s certainly doing his job like he’s okay. He’s more organized and efficient then ever actually.”

“How is he to talk too?”

“Fine. He’s professional.”

“He’s not lashing out at anyone?”

“No, never. If anything he’s more calm. I’ve never seen him so focused. He’s just more quiet.”

“Is he sad?”

“I don’t know.” Riley leaned in more closely. “I mean he has to be doesn’t he?” She shook her head, “but he’s not showing it, that’s for sure. He’s neutral.”

“Neutral.”

“Yeah, neutral. Robotic.” 

Eve sighed, seeing Q through the window of his office busy typing on his computer. His hand came up quickly to brush through his hair, pushing his fringe out of his eyes. His fingers trailed over his neck and then immediately back to his keyboard. “Thanks Riley.”

“Sure.” She nodded. Then she reached out to touch Eve on the elbow. “Ms. Moneypenny, I’m worried about him.”

“Me too.” She nodded. “Let me know if you anything changes.” 

But nothing did. And after a month M was required to declare Bond deceased. And Q never even blinked, but Eve wasn’t buying it. Now she stood in his office, blocking his exit as he slid his laptop into his shoulder bag. “I’m not letting you go home alone Q.” 

Q looked at her, his mouth perturbed into a scowl. “Moneypenny, it’s late and I’m tired. Of course I’m going home alone.”

“Q” Eve put her hands on her hips. “Talk to me.”

Q looked at her incredulously. “About what Eve?”

“About the fact that I know you know what M had to do today.” 

“Yes, it’s protocol Moneypenny. What else would he do?”

“Q!!” she stomped her foot, frustrated. “You have to talk about this.”

“Why?” he asked calmly. 

“Why?” Eve shrilled, much less calmly. 

“Yes, why?” Q looked at her with a sincere look of confusion. 

“Because he was your partner. You loved him. He loved you. You have to be feeling this Q. You have to talk to someone. If you won’t talk to me, then talk to someone else,” she stammered, her own emotions getting the best of her.

“Eve, I’m fine.” Q answered coolly. 

“No you are not.”

“Am I not getting my work done? Am I not functioning as head of Q branch effectively?” Q’s voice didn’t waver, but got just a bit louder as he fought his frustration at Eve’s insistent pestering.

“No, of course you are. Q that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“Then what is it Eve?” 

“Q” her voice dropped, sounding desperate. 

“Eve. I’m fine.” He said it yet again. 

It was then that Eve spotted the bruise on his neck. Black and blue and vibrant. “Q?” 

Q saw where her eyes landed and he pulled up his jumper collar. “Eve, don’t.” 

But it was too late. She stepped forward and reached for him as he tried to turn away, grabbing his shoulder, and running her hand over his neck. “Q?”

He just closed his eyes, and turned his head away, his hand coming up to push hers away as he covered the mark on his neck with his hand. 

“When did you have that done?” Eve asked him, her eyes going wide.

“It doesn’t matter Eve, just leave it.” Q grabbed his shoulder bag and tried to move around her but she blocked him. 

“No, it does matter. You’ve made that mark permanent Q. That’s a tattoo. When did you have that done?” Eve’s voice was starting to go hysterical.

“Why does it matter?” Q wheeled on her, anger in his voice. 

Eve stepped back, her voice trembling as she spoke. “Because you did that when you decided he was never coming back. And it’s why M’s declaration doesn’t matter to you today. You had already decided he was gone.”

“Dead Eve. The word is dead and you have to be able to say it.” 

“When did you get that tattoo Q?” Eve’s tone lowered. 

“Before it faded.” And with that he pushed his way past her, “you are a horrible spy Eve, it took you four weeks to realize it.” He left her standing in his office as he stormed out, the door slamming behind him. Eve let out a sob as she realized he had done it nearly immediately. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: I don’t think my heart is beating anymore. Work is all that I have now, without it I’m nothing.

~~~


	37. Ping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter was too much to leave hanging for very long, although I'm not entirely sure this chapter makes things all that much better. But for the sake of those of you suffering through the unknown, perhaps this will help. 
> 
> And I guess I should offer a trigger warning for violence. And maybe another for heartbreak and really sad quartermasters. 
> 
> Lily

Chapter 37: Ping

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: All infrastructure files related to cybersecurity have been cross checked and reinforced. All back log of requisition forms and other budget paperwork have been completed and submitted. Personnel reviews are up to date. Armory safety files have been reviewed. Approval for new research and development completed. Update on tracker files still ongoing. 

~~~

Q took the tube home, sitting with his eyes closed as he did every day. He mentally counted the stops as the doors opened and closed and when his stop arrived he got up and walked out. Q did everything he could to avoid eye contact, or even a passing glance with anyone he crossed paths with. He worked hard to stomp down the moments of hope that he would spot him in the crowd, that he’d appear on the sidewalk, and as long as he didn’t meet anyone’s gaze he could ignore the little nervous butterfly that always expected to see ice blue eyes and a pouty bottom lip smiling sardonically at him when he raised his head to look. 

The hardest part of everyday was the first moment he walked in the door to his flat. Because every single night he would open the door and his heart would skip with the hope that James would be sitting on the couch. But then he’d hear Eleanor and Penelope and little Benjamin meow and head for him and he knew if James was in the flat, the cats wouldn’t be seeking him out. 

Pushing it down, pushing it away, denying the emotions was the only way Q could function. When Q had watched the smart blood trackers fade and then disappear from the computer screen he knew the only way that could happen would be for James to have literally lost all of his blood. And that wasn’t something you could survive. And when the other intramuscular and transdermal trackers also went silent, he knew that when the other agents were sent to find him, that they wouldn’t, because if there was anything to find the trackers would still be pinging, they just wouldn’t be moving, because they would have been pinging from his dead body. So Q wasn’t surprised when they didn’t find James. There was nothing of James to find. 

Every night Q went through the motions. He fed the cats. He ate toast, but no longer with black currant jam. He drank several shots of whiskey to dull his mind so he could sleep and then he went to bed. But even with the whiskey, Q would dream of James. He would bolt upright in bed either in hope or in despair, depending on the dream, and the cats would scatter at his sudden motion, before finding their way back to him, curling up beside him again as Q would climb back deep under the duvet and refuse to give into the tears. Because this was the only way Q could get through the long days and the long nights since James died. 

~~~

Two weeks after Mallory was forced to declare 007 officially deceased, Tanner came to see Q. 

“He left everything to you.” Tanner said standing in Q’s office as Q looked up at him blankly from the other side of his desk. “Everything. His belongings, his money, his pension. The lawyers reviewed his will yesterday, as MI6 needs to deal with his flat.”

“MI6 owns the flat correct?” Q said with a neutral expression on his face. 

Tanner studied Q quietly for just a moment. Everyone was worried about him. “Yes, MI6 owns the flat.”

“So you are telling me this, because I’ll need to deal with his belongings?” Q said flatly. 

“It’s not about that Q… I mean, of course, yes, they are all your belongings now, and we should talk about what you’d like us to do, but it’s about the fact that I’m here telling you that you were clearly the most important person to him. The official memorial service is next week, won’t you please reconsider giving remarks?” 

“There is nothing I have to say,” Q looked at him with a bothered look. “Certainly nothing I want to say publicly.” Q returned to typing on his laptop computer, looking up at Tanner above the edge of his glasses. “I’ll arrange to have his stuff removed from the flat, so MI6 can reassign it, or sell it, or whatever it is you do.” 

“Q” Tanner sighed, his shoulders slumping.

“Is that all?” Q asked, cutting him off.

Tanner huffed a sigh, his jaw shifting sideways as he shook his head. “Yes, that’s all.”

“Good. Thank you for stopping by to tell me.” 

~~~

Eve showed up at Q’s flat the next week, on the evening of the memorial service, when Q hadn’t shown up. “Q open the door.” 

“Hello Moneypenny,” Q said as he opened the door and then turned to return to couch, retrieving the book he’d been reading. He knew she’d follow him, so he didn’t bother to invite her in, Eleanor on the cushion behind him, Penelope on the blanket beside him. Benjamin had been playing with the tassles on the edge of the blanket but now ran for Eve hoping for attention. 

“Q,” Eve started as she closed the door behind her, “you weren’t at the service.” She reached down to scoop up the young sable colored cat, cradling him in her arms before he turned wanting to climb up and rub his face along hers. 

“Yes, I’m aware,” He said as he reached for his tea and then in a moment of normalcy realized he should offer her some. “Tea?” He held up his cup. 

“No,” she shook her head. “Q.” Eve sat quickly down in the chair across from him in the living room, putting Benjamin back on the floor. 

Q looked up at her. 

“Why didn’t you come?”

“Because it wouldn’t have been meaningful for me.” Q said calmly. 

“But Q, others wanted to…”

He interrupted her, “To watch me to see if I’d have an emotional response? Eve, going to the service would have made me a spectacle. I’m not interested in that.” 

“To offer their condolences. Q, you have to mourn him.” 

“I already have.” Q said, his eyes hard and dismissive. 

Eve just sat and looked at him, her eyes welling with tears. “Q, why won’t you let anyone help you?”

Q sighed and set down his teacup, then his book. He slowly folded his hands into his lap before looking up at her and saying, “there is nothing anyone can do Eve.” 

“You should talk to someone! Talk to me!” Eve was a broken record, knowing she had pleaded this same thing with him before, but it was still relevant. “If you won’t talk to me then go see someone in medical, let someone hear what you are feeling so you don’t have to do this alone.”

Q nodded slowly, then with a loud sigh, he dropped his head to his hands, scruffing his long fingers through his overgrown locks, before finally looking up at her. “Eve, remember all those many many months ago when I was trying to keep him at a distance and you asked me why I wouldn’t just give in and be with him?” 

She nodded and closed her eyes. 

“You told me then it would be better to be with him for the time that I could, rather then keep him at arms length just because I might lose him.” Q sat up and tossed his arms in the air, “well, I’ve lost him. And I can’t get him back. And I’m doing my best to move on. We reap what we sow.” 

“Q…” Eve reached out to put her hand on his knee. 

Q stood up quickly, his hands raised not wanting Eve, not wanting anyone to touch him. “Really Eve… I’m fine. I’ve mourned him. I’m fine.” 

“You are not fine.” Eve said as she stood to face him, “but I won’t push you…” Her cheeks were tear stained and her mascara had run down her face. She wiped her nose on the back of her hand and looked down to see smeared mascara on her fingers. “Shit. Sorry Q. I’m a mess…”

“You know where the bathroom is, there are tissues in there.” Q waved his hand towards the hall. 

“Thanks,” she said quietly then turned to walk away. 

Q sat on the couch with Penelope in his lap waiting for her to return. He saw out of his peripheral vision as Eve came back down the hall that she paused at the guest bedroom door. Eve had spent any number of nights in that room over the last few years, often after they had shared a late night at the pub when she was in the throws of breaking up with her most recent boyfriend at the time. Eve knew that door was always open, and now the door was shut. She reached for the doorknob and slowly opened the door. The room was packed floor to ceiling with boxes all labeled from Bond’s flat. All of his belongings were here. 

“I haven’t had time to rent a storage unit yet,” Q said from the couch making Eve flinch as she realized Q had seen her open the door. “It was easier to just have them deliver it all here.” 

Eve closed the door and came to sit down again across from Q, but this time she didn’t try to touch him. “Do you want help going through his things?” She offered.

“No. I don’t plan to go through any of it. I’ll store it until I have time to get rid of it all.” 

“Q!” Eve’s eyes went wide, “you can’t get rid of all of it. Those are his memories, his…” 

“Not memories I want Eve,” Q said coldly. 

Eve clenched her jaw. Q was shutting everything out and she didn’t know how to get through to him. All she could do right now was give him time. “Right,” she said. “Well I hope you just leave everything as it is for now. I’ll help you with whatever you want to do when you are ready.”

“Thanks Eve,” Q said, dismissively. He knew she was being sincere, but he couldn’t open himself up to that. 

~~~

It would be another two months before Q was absent mindedly reviewing old tracker files on his laptop when he discovered the code for the deep tracker in Bond he had never turned back on. The weekend they had gone away, when Q needed them to be able to disappear he had turned off all signals, but he had apparently not reactivated this one. It was one of the oldest and Q had forgotten about it. He felt his blood run cold at the recognition, knowing if he turned it back on, there would be nothing to ping. He couldn’t do it, and for two days he tried to ignore it, he didn’t need the final reminder that Bond was never coming back. But then Q, in a whiskey induced haze, finally reversed the code, convinced that he needed this finality. 

Then he saw the ping. 

He sat and looked at the screen, unbelieving. There was no way, there was no way in the world the tracker could still exist, that the tracker would work. And yet it pinged, and it pinged and it pinged. That piece of equipment was still working. Q sat and stared at the screen as his mind raced to figure out how this could be happening. The tracker had dislodged somehow and stayed active? Maybe it was under a file cabinet in the military barracks where Bond had last sent a signal out into the world. He looked up the GPS location. That wasn’t where the ping was coming from. The ping was coming from Gomel in Belarus near the Ukranian border, nowhere Bond had ever been before. 

“What the fuck?” Q said out loud. “What the bloody fuck!!” He stood up and pushed back from the table, adrenaline making him back away from the screen. He needed distance from this thing that had just imprinted in his brain. There was no way. The tracker must have been removed and someone else had it. “The people who took him.” Q whispered. “It has to be them. That’s the only possibility.” 

Q texted Eve before he looked at the time, then grimaced when she actually called him back immediately. It was 2:00 a.m. and if Eve heard that text from him it meant she had him on alert. He answered the phone, “Eve, one of Bond’s old trackers is pinging from Belarus.”

“What?” Eve’s voice started sleepy but in one syllable she became alert. “When?”

“I just found it.” Q said quietly, his hands were shaking and he set the phone down hitting speaker, before he dropped it completely. 

“But…”

“I know.” Q interrupted. “I know it’s not possible. The only thing I can figure is that it’s the people who killed him. That they have it in their possession.”

“Q…”

“Eve, I know it seems impossible. But remember when Bond and I went off the radar about six months ago. When I turned off all the trackers. I never turned this one back on. I forgot. I just realized it.” Q was trying to explain.

“Doesn’t that mean he’s alive?” Eve said, “the trackers are activated by body heat, it wouldn’t be working if it wasn’t still inside him. Q?” 

“He can’t be alive Eve. There is no way. I don’t know why it’s still active, but they have it. And we could find the people who killed him Eve.”

Eve was silent on the other end of the phone. 

“Eve?” Q said more insistently. 

“M closed the file. It’s going to take an inquiry based on the new data to reopen it Q.” 

“Fuck that.” Q swore into the phone. He ran his hands through his hair and pulled hard. “How can we wait?” 

“We can’t. I think you and I should go first thing.” Her voice went harsh. “I’m assuming your expectation is that we kill them. Can you do that?” 

“You know I can.” Q said gruffly. “I’ll arrange the plane tickets.”

“We are flying?” Eve said in surprise. 

Q dismissed her accidental flippancy, “of course we are, it is the fastest way to get there.” 

~~~

They found him in a cellar. He wasn’t conscious but he was alive, although he barely looked it. The scars on his body where they had dug out the trackers were still red and scabbed after all the months of captivity and when Eve reached his side and he jolted upright his hand flew to the scab on his side and they both immediately knew why they hadn’t healed as James scratched at it making it bleed again. 

Q left the basement in a rage, Eve signaled Tanner immediately by remote access with the distress code for a medical evacuation team. She didn’t leave James’ side even though she heard gunfire above her head, because she knew full well Q was the one pulling the trigger. 

~~~

Eve watched both men all the way back to London. Q never left James’ side as the medical team arrived and they stabilized Bond’s injuries. When they loaded James on the transport plane and tried to get Q to move to the front seats for takeoff Eve had to intervene on Q’s behalf because Q wouldn’t move. His hand on James’ ankle as he stood by the foot of the gurney Q refused to let go, and Eve finally ordered the triage team to rotate James’ bed to allow Q to sit and strap into the seat nearest the end of the bed so Q could stay beside him. Q’s calm façade never cracked. He was doing this for James, a quiet presence, a vigilant force that would see him safely all the way back home. James never opened his eyes and Eve felt her heart break for both of them. 

It isn’t until they were back at MI6 and James was being taken to surgery that Q finally nodded to the doctors and let him go. Eve was at Q’s side. “You need some sleep,” she said to him quietly, “I don’t think you’ve closed your eyes since Monday.” 

“What day is it?” Q asked, time had been lost for him since he discovered the active tracker Tuesday night. Eve was right, he hadn’t slept since the night before. 

“Wednesday, going on Thursday.” Eve looked at her watch. She knew Bond would be in surgery for hours. “Let’s find you a room to lie down for a bit, yeah?” 

Q sighed, his mouth firm, the stress around his tired eyes made him look older. “I’ll go home. I need to check on the cats, and I can get clean clothes.”

“Do you want me to drive you?” Eve asked. 

Q just shook his head and ran his hands quickly through his shaggy hair. “No, I’ll be fine.” He honestly didn’t want the company and having to talk to Eve right now was more then he could handle. He turned to give her a weak smile. “Thank you Eve.” 

“For what Q?” she gave a half hearted laugh. 

“For believing me when I called you on Tuesday in the middle of the night. For getting on the plane with me to find him. For… everything really.”

“Of course sweetheart. I’d do anything for you.” Eve felt tears well up as she said the words and she reached out to pull him into a hug. 

But Q went stiff and stepped back, his hands up to block her. “I’ve got to go.” 

Eve nodded. “I’ll stay here. If there is any news I’ll call immediately. Go get some rest.” 

Q nodded and turned away. His hands were starting to shake. He knew he needed to get away. He made it all the way home before he lost control, parking the car he borrowed from the MI6 parking garage outside his flat. The tears now threatening to spill before he could get to his front door made him stumble in frustration. He felt his body flooding with emotion, overwhelming cold and nausea running through his system, his hands were shaking so badly the palm reader couldn’t register it was him the first time he tried. He yelled in frustration, now using his left hand to push firmly on top of his right as he held it to the scanner, “open the fucking door.” The façade now gone, the anguish overflowed and Q had to force his legs up the stairs, nearly buckling halfway wanting to give in to the sadness, but he could hear the cats on the other side of the door at the top and kept going. 

Eight hours later he sent a text reply to Eve who’s texts and now phone calls were growing more urgent and more frequent. “Don’t come here Eve. I’m okay. I just need some time.” He hit send. He let his hand go limp, the metal of the phone nearly slipping from his fingers to the floor, before he sighed and lifted it to send another message. “I’m glad he came through surgery all right.” And then he really did let the phone slide to the floor, the wracking sobs overwhelming him again, although at this point he had no tears left and it was nothing but his body contorting in pain as he lay curled on his bed finally truly mourning for the man he had lost all those months ago. Because he now realized the grief he was feeling was all the love he had held inside and had never shared and the guilt of knowing what James had gone through was overwhelming. 

 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: I failed him. 

~~~


	38. Coward

Chapter 38: Coward…

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: I’ve used the MI6 databases to analyze and cross reference all names associated with the Belarussian force. While 007’s captors may have been eliminated any residual connections still need to be dealt with. Report to be sent to Tanner and M as soon as completed. Final entry.

~~~

Tanner stood on the other side of Eve’s desk, his head down as he spoke quietly. “Has he been to see him even once since we brought him back? I know Bond’s injuries are serious and we are limiting who can see him, but if Q and James are still together, then he has visitation rights. Does he know that?” 

Eve shook her head no. “Q feels responsible.”

“Why? He’s the one who found him? M is trying to get a medal of commendation approved, only there is red tape since technically Q isn’t a field agent, and as quartermaster he wasn’t approved for that mission.” 

Eve just nodded. “I know. But the one time I managed to get Q to even acknowledge it, his comment was that he had left James there for four months, and if he had remembered to turn on the tracker sooner then…”

“Isn’t it more important that James is alive? I mean when that smart blood went silent…” Tanner interrupted.

“Blood transfusion,” Q said flatly standing behind Tanner. Q had come for his daily debrief with M. Both Eve and Tanner flinched in surprise realizing Q was there. “That’s why the smart blood went silent. They gave him a blood transfusion. I’ve been trying to figure out who the connector is between Denbigh’s group, which is the only one who knew about the smart blood and Trevalyn’s connections in Russia, who is clearly the main group behind Bond’s abduction. I’m cross referencing all the names and hope to have an answer before the end of the day.”

“Q…” Eve said, her voice filled with emotion. “Go see him.” 

Tanner added, “You should. It might help if he could hear your voice.” 

“No,” Q shook his head, “I think it’s better that I don’t.” Then M opened his door and Q just nodded and went inside with Tanner on his heels. 

~~~

They kept Bond sedated for two weeks in order to give his body time to heal. The swelling around his brain had decreased significantly, but the seriousness of his injuries made pain management a challenge and the doctors decided it was more humane to minimize his consciousness as he healed. 

When he finally is allowed to wake up the first person he sees is Eve, but the first word he says is “Q”. His eyes are still blurry, but he sees Eve frown. His voice is dry and hoarse but he tries again. “Where’s Q?” 

Eve reaches for the water glass and lifts it to James mouth to help him wet his throat. He’s hydrated through an IV drip, but that doesn’t mean his mouth isn’t dry. She doesn’t say anything, just waits for him to slowly sip the water before setting the cup back down on the bedstand. 

“It’s nice to see you awake. You gave us all quite a scare.” She said with affection in her voice. “How do you feel?” 

James actually paused, taking the question seriously, paying attention to his body as he became aware of where he was, the memories of what he’d been through now coming back quickly. He closed his eyes and grimaced hard. 

Eve saw and heard the heart rate monitor now pick up speed as James physically responded to the memories, pain and anger making his heart start to race. 

“Let me get the nurse,” Eve stood to reach for the call button, but James’ hand reached for hers as he took a deep breath trying to get control of his emotions. 

“No, please.” James said quietly. “I’m okay. Don’t…”

Eve nodded and sat back down beside him, looking up to watch his heart rate now slow as James concentrated on getting his anxiety back under control, closing his eyes again.

Finally he opened them and looked at her. “You asked how I feel? I feel like I’ve been hit by a train. Where’s Q?” 

Eve pursed his lips and sighed. “Not here right now.” 

“Go get him.” James replied. 

Eve didn’t move. She was fighting to not let the tears well up in her eyes. 

James looked at her, his brows furrowing, trying to read through Eve’s silence, through her reactions. “Eve…Is Q okay?” James asked, his heart monitor once again picking up speed. 

“I think so…” she started then paused. “I don’t know actually. Q doesn’t work for MI6 anymore.” 

James tried to sit up, tubes and monitor cables yanking as he did. “M fired him!?” James said loudly, his voice cracking from misuse. “Why?”

“No,” Eve sat forward, her hand on James’ shoulder pushing him back to the bed to stop him from yanking everything from the monitors. “No. Mallory didn’t fire him.” 

“Then…” James was struggling to process information. He was still groggy. The nurses’ station had finally noticed the activity on the monitors and two nurses and a doctor now quickly entered the room. 

“Mr. Bond, you are awake, that’s good,” said the doctor. “Let’s see how you are doing.” 

The death stare James leveled at the doctor who now reached for his arm made the doctor stop cold. “Don’t touch me,” James said in a voice that scared everyone in the room. “Eve, where is he?” He turned his attention to her again. 

“He quit.” Eve said as calmly as she could. 

“You are fucking kidding me!” James erupted. “He can’t quit.” 

“Well he did. He’s debriefed with M and Tanner, he turned every thing over to Riley. He’s turned in his badge and equipment. He’s gone.” 

“Wait…How long have I been out?” James now asked, realizing he didn’t know what day it was. 

“Two weeks.” The Doctor now answered, firmly reaching for James wrist, insisting that she be allowed to examine him. 

James lay back on the pillow, his eyes closing in frustration. “Eve, I’m going to need to talk to M as soon as possible.” 

~~~

M left Bond’s hospital room with a grim look on his face. 

“Sir?” Eve asked, picking up her pace to keep stride with him as he marched down the hall. 

“They were after information on Q.” Gareth told Eve as they turned the corner. 

“What?” 

“Bond’s abductors, they wanted information on Q. It was him they wanted and they were trying to use Bond to get to him.” 

Now in the elevator and not alone Eve couldn’t reply, but the two shared a concerned line of sight standing across from one another looking over the shoulders of the people in the elevator with them. Once back in the office and behind closed doors M snapped at Tanner. “Get R in here, we need to have her pull Q’s latest tracking and verify where he is. Q could be in trouble.”

“M?” Eve was still trying to sort the pieces, “If they were after Q why did they make it look like Bond had died? Why not draw Q in with the trackers?” 

Mallory sighed, “I’m guessing they didn’t know the trackers went silent once removed, I suspect they planned to use Bond’s trackers to lure Q somewhere where Bond was not. I don’t think they actually wanted Q, or any of us really, to think Bond was dead. But once that was the case, all they had left was him, and they did everything they could to get the information on Q’s history and his name directly from Bond.” 

R arrived and knocked on the door. “Sir,” Riley interrupted, “you wanted an update on Q’s monitoring?” 

“Yes,” Mallory nodded. “Where is he?” 

“Still at his home in the midlands.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes sir,” R nodded. 

“I want you to check his status at least twice a day and if you see anything out of the ordinary you report it immediately.” Mallory then dismissed her with a nod and turned back to Eve and Tanner. “Are we certain all the men who abducted James are dead now?” 

Eve nodded. “No one in that house was left alive sir.” 

“Right,” M stood up and straightened his suit coat. “Bond’s not so convinced.”

“With all due respect sir, 007 was in no condition to be aware of anything or anyone who was in that house when we found him. Q didn’t...” she paused and rephrased. “We didn’t leave anyone alive.” 

“Regardless, until Bond is well enough to report on what happened to him, I want more monitoring of our former Quartermaster.” Gareth reached up and ran his hand through his thinning hair adding, “I have half a mind to haul his arse back into MI6 just to keep tabs on him.” 

Eve just nodded, wishing that was actually possible, but she knew if they pushed Q would disappear completely. This was the only compromise he would agree to follow.

It would take another three weeks before medical would finally release James. Broken bones, punctured lung, infected wounds, both hands had required more than one surgery to straighten his fingers and his leg would be in a cast for another two weeks before he really could walk with full mobility. James had been through multiple psychological evaluations to try to understand what the abductors had done to him, what information they had tried to get from him but he refused to talk about it. 

Eve however came to see Bond everyday, slowly bringing him things as he asked for them. 

“Q?” Bond asked every time.

Eve could only say, “no change.” 

James would just nod. 

On the day of his discharge Eve came to help him with his belongings. James sat upright in the chair in his room dressed in joggers and a sweatshirt waiting. “Ready?” Eve smiled. 

“Where am I supposed to go Eve?” James looked at her more forlornly then she had ever remembered. 

“What do you mean where? I have the keys for your flat.” 

“Which flat? The one I kept things in but never bothered to go to regularly, or the one I shared with Q? Because I thought it was MI6 policy to sell the flats of deceased agents, even if I wasn’t actually deceased. That’s what happened last time… after you shot me and I disappeared to the Caribbean to recover. I came back and M told me my flat had been sold.”

Moneypenny paused. “We did sell it. And based on your will, all of your things were taken to Q’s flat.” Eve had made the conscious decision to be honest with James about anything he asked. He deserved at least that much after all he’d been through.

“So I’m going to Q’s?” 

Eve shook her head sadly, “Alas, no.” 

“Then where?” 

“Your old flat is yours again. All of your things are moved back in.” She didn’t tell him how that had actually come to be, she didn’t want to make things worse. 

“And if I wanted to go to Q’s?” 

“It’s not available.” Eve said with regret. “Someone else is living there now.” 

“Eve… I just don’t get it. Why?” James looked absolutely befuddled.

“Why did he sell his flat?” 

“No. Why did he leave? It doesn’t make any sense.” James sighed. He had asked this question of Eve numerous times, the answer from Eve was always the same. But this time James offered a different reply to her answer, “I never took him for a coward.” 

Eve pursed her lips, this was the first time James had ever called Q a coward, and she knew it wasn’t true. “I don’t know James. He’s not, I know he’s not, after he and I came to find you, after he…” Eve paused. “He’s not a coward.” She said confidently, “But I don’t think he could face you with the guilt that he felt. He felt responsible. He felt like he let you down, and I honestly think he thought you wouldn’t want to see HIM again. That you would blame him.” Eve stopped, kneeling down beside James, reaching out to put her hand on his, squeezing his fingers gently, waiting for him to reply. 

After a prolonged silence James finally sighed and said quietly, “right, then let’s go shall we?” He stood slowly, his weight on the cane he needed for balance, unable to put weight on the leg still in a cast. 

~~~

Eve went up the stairs quickly ahead of him, unlocking the door and dropping the bags of his belongings in the foyer. She had arranged for grocery delivery and knew he’d have everything he needed for at least a few days. Besides, he understood his release was based on agreement to come in daily for physical therapy and Eve had appointed herself as his personal assistant and cab driver, so she could check on him everyday. 

He looked tired by the time he got to the top of the stairs and sat uneasily on the couch as Eve flitted about getting things settled for him. Eventually he called out to her, he had enough. “Eve, stop. Please.” 

She paused looking at him in surprise. 

“Really, thank you. But you’ve done enough for now. I’m good. I’m here. And I’d really like to be alone.” 

“You sure?” Eve asked hesitantly. 

“Yes, I’m sure.” James nodded. “Thank you.” 

Eve sighed and stepped closer, leaning down to place a kiss to his forehead. “You are welcome.” Then she stood and reached for her coat. “You call me if you need anything. I’ll come right away.” 

James just nodded again. 

After Eve left James didn’t move, sitting still on the couch for hours, absorbing the reality that this was all he had now. And remembering that the last time he had sat on this couch was the night Q had come to find him with Ellie and Penny. The night he had mourned the loss of Alec. And now as the tears came unbidden, he couldn’t help but mourn for the loss of Q. 

James slept on the couch that night, only hobbling once to the loo before giving in to the emotional exhaustion he felt. He couldn’t bring himself to sleep in the bedroom. And the next day when he finally went into the bedroom he immediately stripped the duvet and sheets. Last time he’d slept in that bed, beneath that duvet had been with his quartermaster and those memories were now painful. What he missed in his flurry to fling the duvet from the bed however, was the letter that Q had left on top by the pillows for James to find. Q’s looping scrawl that had written “James” on the front now lay on the floor under the heap of the duvet that James had discarded. 

Coffee and toast for breakfast, James immediately threw away the black currant jam Eve had left for him in the fridge. That wasn’t a memory he could indulge either. 

The following day James finally reached out to Riley. He had been arguing with medical to be released weeks ago because he knew he couldn’t do this until he was out. But even then he couldn’t do it right away, he had wanted to, but the pain knowing Q had left him was still too raw and he was too hurt so he gave himself one day to deal with the hurt and then he focused. “I understand Q agreed to be monitored. Would you send me his tracker logs?” He sent in an e-mail. 

Riley hesitated when she first saw the request. Q had negotiated with M that he would allow his whereabouts to be tracked as long as the information was strictly confidential at the highest level. But Riley had been the one to watch Q during the four months that James had been gone, and she knew what Q had gone through. It took her less than two minutes to decide to override the security clearance and send James the link for the tracker files. 

And it took James two hours to figure out that they were faked. Q had let M and Tanner believe that he had gone to his home in the midlands. But as James scrolled back through the maps of Q’s movements over the past month there was a distinct absence of running routes. The log put Q in the house most of every day with regular car trips to surrounding towns. There was no evidence that Q was running and James knew there was no way Q wasn’t burning off his emotions by putting miles on his trainers. 

He called Eve immediately. “Q isn’t at his house in the midlands.” 

“Bond?” Eve hesitated. “What do you mean Q isn’t in the midlands? How did you even know he was in the midlands?”

“Don’t fire R.” James answered her question with an insistent statement. 

James could hear her sigh on the other end of the phone. What he couldn’t see was her close her eyes and lean forward, her forehead now cradled in her hand. “How do you know he’s not there?” 

“The tracker log is a fake.” 

“What?” Eve sat up straight.

“It’s a fake. He faked it.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because Q runs every morning, and there is no evidence of that in the log.” 

“Bond,” Eve started, paused and started again, “James. Maybe he’s just not running. Don’t you think if Q was going to fake the logs he’s make sure to make it look like his regular routine? Q is …” 

“Moneypenny.” James interrupted. “I know these logs are faked.”

“Well then where is he?” Eve asked, frustration in her voice. 

“Good question.” James sighed. “He’s probably not at his house out past Greenwich.”

“Is that where you two disappeared to months ago?”

“Yes,” James replied, “I’m positive he wouldn’t have gone anyplace we already know about.”

“How many places are there? How many places does he OWN?” 

“I don’t know, but at least one more. When we went to Greenwich I asked him how many bolt holes he had and he wouldn’t tell me. Told me it was his insurance.” 

“We have to find him.” Eve said quickly, already trusting that James was probably right. 

“Yes, we really do.” James affirmed. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: I failed him, and it’s my responsibility to fix it. I can’t look him in the eye again until I know it’s done. 

~~~


	39. Berlin

Chapter 39: Berlin

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 “acting” Quartermaster: 

Summary: I got reprimanded by M for giving 007 Q’s tracker logs, but I have no regrets.  
1\. I had a hunch there was something up and I knew 007 would spot it if it was true.   
2\. After watching Q try to function with out 007 all those months, there was no way I wasn’t helping 007 find him. Those two are meant to be together and if Eve and I have to pair up to knock them back together then sign me up.  
3\. I really really don’t want this job. Being Quartermaster sucks, so if this means 007 can find him quicker, then all the better.  
4\. I’m going to lock 005 in the damn tank in the armory next time he bugs me about it.  
– R (acting quartermaster) You better come back quick Q. 

~~~

Bond was on paid leave for as long as he wanted in compensation for his mental and physical duress, and two days after he was settled back into his flat he made the decision to head for the warehouse beyond Greenwich. Because while Q may have moved out of the London flat associated with MI6, he still owned the house in the midlands, and the flat beyond Greenwich and James wanted to be in a place that reminded him of Q. It took him half a day, hobbling around on his cast, to figure out how to override Q’s security system, cursing a blue streak after he nearly electrocuted himself because of Q’s secondary system that activated when James disconnected the first one. The doorknobs and window frames all became electrified when the first system was disabled and James was pretty sure his hair was standing on end after grabbing the knob and feeling the jolt from his toes to his head. “Damn booby traps!! Goddamnit Q!!” 

Finally inside James refused to immediately give into the emotional flood that surged in response to the memories that now filled his senses. He took the elevator to the second floor, and had to check himself as he nearly called out for Ellie, expecting to see the gray tabby run towards him. He dropped his suitcases in the great room, and then went back down to the car to retrieve the boxes of groceries and dry goods he needed to stock the kitchen. He found the fuse box and pulled the fuses for the electrical system wired to the doors, determined to not accidentally electrocute himself again, and then he found the main for the water, turning on the faucet and reestablishing the flat as a livable space. It would be several hours before he finally let himself climb onto the king size bed behind the partition, lying back on the pillows, closing his eyes and letting himself feel everything swirling inside as the memories of what he and Q shared in this space seeped from the corners of his mind to fill his thoughts. He wouldn’t get up again until the next morning. 

Setting up a technology center on the dining room table, James now dedicated all of his time to figuring out where Q had gone. In daily contact with Riley and Eve who were once again helping him, James went to sleep each night frustrated that he couldn’t find him, but always sending hope out into the world that Q was safe. In the end it would take nearly a month and it was James who figured it out, not Riley, not Tanner nor Eve because Q had done nearly everything he could to make himself untraceable. He had cut his own tracker out before faking the logs in the midlands, as back up that if he was discovered they couldn’t reverse the electronic hack that he used to silence the tracker before he pulled it. He closed all his credit cards and moved most of his money into unmarked accounts in the bank of Switzerland and then opened new cards with a new passport under an alias. Q had been determined to become invisible and it had absolutely nothing to do with avoiding James. 

But in the end OF COURSE it was James who would find him, because while Q might have made his current and future self invisible, he had a history and Bond had already figured it out. He had learned enough about Q when they talked about Daniel and Peter and roughly when Q had earned his degrees and in what fields and in what schools that Bond had cross referenced it all and then reviewed all he could find, doing it the old school spy way, with actual paper, given Q had erased all of his electronic history when he first started at MI6. The hard part was figuring out where he would have now gone and it took him nearly four weeks to piece together enough leads to convince him that Q had gone back to Germany and James was nearly 100% sure he had narrowed down Q’s location to one of two addresses in Berlin. 

He’d already scouted the first one and no one matching Q’s description had been there, so he was convinced this one had to be the right place. The second address made perfect sense once James arrived, a warehouse, not unlike the space Q had owned in London near Greenwich. Big industrial doors on one end, James sat and watched for most of the afternoon, fairly certain there was no one actually inside, he waited. 

Locals walked along the sidewalk and James did quick perusals on all of them. Women pushing baby carriages, teenagers with low slung jeans and untied high tops shoving each other along the way. A number of men in dark work factory jumpsuits, lunches in hand, others in heavy boots and jumpers clodding along the pavement. Plaid seemed to be the fashion of choice for many, and James had cataloged the various shades of reds and blues he had seen walk by, several in shades of gray that matched the weather that hung low were nearly nondescript. And then one gray plaid shirt with dark jeans and heavy boots paused for just a moment, short cropped dark hair, a heavy bushy beard, James nearly let his eyes drift over and away, until he saw him pull keys from his pocket and quickly slip inside the warehouse. “Q?” James said out loud, disbelieving what he had just seen. James jumped from the car and headed across the street banging on the door that had closed just moments before. But he got no answer. 

Five minutes later he picked the lock and slowly slid the door open. As he stepped through the open door he walked slowly into the large empty space ahead of him, the only light was dusty shafts hitting the floor through two skylights, and cracks in the ceiling. His footsteps clicked, and echoed hollowly, and then he heard the click of the gun. “Not another step,” came the voice from the dark ahead of him. 

“Q.” James said, his voice a mix of relief and frustration. He’d know Q’s voice anywhere and that was definitely the voice hiding in the shadow. 

“Bloody hell,” Q replied with irritation in his voice, reengaging the safety on the gun in his hand and stepping to the wall to turn on the light. Q felt his system flood with confusion, his hands starting to shake as he suddenly realized he had just pointed a gun at James. “James, what the bloody hell are you doing here?” 

As the light came on, James blinked several times quickly trying to focus on the man who stood in front of him. Q was nearly unrecognizable, his mop of hair now shorn short and spiky, his cheeks and chin covered in heavy dark hair, no glasses sitting on his nose. But as soon as James caught his eyes he knew it was him, those beautiful green eyes were looking back at him. And suddenly James was flooded with anger. “You ARSE!” James hissed through clenched teeth. And before Q could reply James pulled his fist back and with all his weight and momentum he let it fly forward cuffing Q on the chin and cheek and making the young man fly back onto his arse on the floor. James hissed and bent over, shaking out his fist, his knuckles immediately starting to sting, his fingers still healing from the multiple surgeries. James was startled by what he had just done. “Fuck,” he shook his hand again, feeling it start to throb, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“Yes you did,” Q interrupted him sitting up on the floor, James’ punch knocking the adrenaline out of his body, what passed for clarity now eased into Q’s mind. “Of course you did.” His palm cupping his chin, fingers feeling his cheek for blood, Q poked the inside of mouth, feeling his teeth with his tongue. “I deserved it.” Q said resolutely and with a deadly calm in his voice.

James sighed, “No.” He took a step toward Q intending to help him up off the floor.

“Yes, I did.” Q now leaned forward, spitting the blood pooling in his mouth onto the floor before pushing to stand back up, ignoring James’ outstretched hand offering to him. “I left you there four months, while they tortured you, never realizing I had forgotten to turn back on the last tracker.” Q now stood in front of James again, blood staining his bottom lip making it even more red then normal. “I deserve much worse.” 

James vehemently shook his head, “NO, I punched you because you left, not because you forgot to turn back on the tracker you little shit.” James gritted through clenched teeth. The anger was welling up again and James flexed his sore hand fighting the urge to throw another punch, surprised by his own reactions. 

“So are you here to haul me back to London? Because I’m not done yet.” Q wiped his lip on the cuff of his flannel shirt, a streak of blood left on the fabric. Q was purposely cold and dismissive, trying desperately to tamp down the confusing emotions that threatened to spill up and over if he let down his guard. He was unprepared for this. He was unprepared to be standing in front of James. He was unprepared to see those ice blue eyes and that pouty bottom lip looking back at him. It was too soon. 

James took a breath, “I’m not hauling you anywhere you arse. You fucking quit MI6. I don’t think Mallory would even consider taking you back after you lied and faked the logs about your whereabouts. There is rumor you might even be a double agent… like Alec was…” 

“I’m not…” Q quickly started, his eyes suddenly frantic as he immediately tried to correct James. 

“I know you are not.” James didn’t let him finish, waving away his interruption. “I’d fucking kill you myself if you were, by the way.” James held his hand up to the light flexing his fingers, his mouth dropping into a hard frown as he studied them and then glared at Q as he placed blame. He was pretty sure he rebroke at least one finger when he cold cocked Q, and at least two fingers were starting to swell. 

“Then what are you doing here?” Q watched him closely, wiping his lip again on his shirt, blood still pooling in his mouth. He was starting to lose the battle at keeping his emotions under control as he felt his hands start to shake. His chin was throbbing from James’ punch, not helping as it distracted his focus. 

“Honestly, I thought I knew…” James snorted dismissively as he paused, “but at the moment, I don’t have a good answer to that.” He shook his head in dismay. James used his left hand to grab and pull the fingers on his right, hoping he might be able to pull the knuckles back into place. “But I bloody well expect you to invite me in at this point. I’m going to need ice for the hand I just reinjured because of you.” 

Q nodded and turned to walk towards the door that opened into his living space trying to put some distance between them as he walked quickly. All three cats came running and Ellie literally leapt at James with affection when he followed in behind Q. 

“Well, at least someone is happy to fucking see me.” James chided Q, cradling the cat up onto his shoulder as she nuzzled his neck and face. Then he spotted Benjamin, the gorgeous, lithe, sable brown teenager, all legs and long tail, tall pointed ears on that beautiful triangular face, huge green eyes looking at him cautiously, peeking from behind the couch. James hadn’t seen him in nearly six months and it was a shock to see how much he had grown. “Benji,” James said in surprise, “come here you beautiful boy,” James bent down slowly, his leg only out of the cast three weeks ago, still sore. Penelope sidled up beside Benjamin, brushing against him with her hips as she headed for James, encouraging the young cat to come say hello as well. 

Q didn’t slow to respond to anything happening behind him, heading directly for the kitchen pulling two bags of ice from the freezer. Handing one to James he lifted the other to his own chin, darting his eyes away, not wanting James to catch his gaze as Q felt more and more confused. “How did you find me?” 

James flinched as the cold bag hit his reinjured hand, then he sighed in frustration and turned to take a seat at the table where he could lay his hand flat while he let the ice numb it, Ellie immediately at his elbow wanting to stay close. He didn’t look at Q as he started, “because I know who you are.” 

“What do you mean you know who I am?” Q looked at him with alarm. 

“I know this warehouse is where you and Peter lived. I know Peter is dead, because you adopted his national identification number when you moved here. A bit more nostalgic then I would expect from you honestly. You could have picked any national id number, but you picked his. He meant more to you then I thought. More than I did apparently.” James added spitefully.

“But…” Q honestly looked surprised.

“How did I track down Peter?” James cut him off, raising his eyebrows in challenge. 

Q nodded, going silent, he felt his entire body flush as James spoke, an unconscious response realizing he was actually sitting across from James, confused about why James was here, confused about how James had found him, confused about James’ response. 

“Because I know your real name Q.” James said, his voice deadly calm.

Q took a surprised breath, raising his head to look at James, but he stayed quiet as James kept talking.

“I knew enough about the timeframe you were in graduate school to track down where you went and cross referenced it with Professors named Daniel in applied mathematics.”

“But I scrubbed all those files when I started at MI6, those records don’t exist.” 

“The electronic ones don’t. I went looking for hard copies. I searched old yearbooks and files at London Universities that had applied mathematics programs until I found all the possible Daniels and then cross referenced the names of the graduates from those schools in the appropriate years with names of graduates from the mechanical engineering programs here in Berlin in the following few years. Didn’t take much to then also find a connection to Peter, and ultimately to Sam as well. I figured you had probably left the country and I started working out where else you might also own property, Europe seemed like a reasonable place to start since you don’t like to fly. You had connections here. But it wasn’t easy, took me nearly a month. Oh and I found your thesis in the stacks of the library. I don’t think I understood a word of it.”

“You know who I am?” Q’s voice quaked, he was still reeling from this admission, he wasn’t even processing what else James was saying.

“I do.” James said slowly, holding Q’s gaze and daring him to look away.

“I’m glad you didn’t know any of this while the Bellarussians had you.” Q said with terror in his voice, his words rushed and cracking as he spoke.

“Q,” James paused, still not breaking his gaze, then said slowly, “what makes you bloody think I’ve JUST figured it all out?” James stared at him with all seriousness. 

“But, they were torturing you for information about me. I found the audio and video files of you, of your…” Q was now rapid fire talking as the panic took hold of him.

“Wait!” James sat up straighter. “What do you mean you found the audio and video files? You watched them? You saw…” James looked at Q in alarm. He could only imagine what Q had seen. 

Q swallowed hard and nodded as he looked down at the table, the images seared in his mind he couldn’t look at James. 

“How did you get them?” James said coolly, forcing his own emotions back under control.

“After Eve rescued you.” Q started.

“You mean after you rescued me.” James corrected him but Q didn’t acknowledge it.

“I took the hard drive from the computer in the house.” Q looked up only briefly before looking back down at his lap again.

“Does anyone else know?” James felt his body suddenly flush in pain at the memory. 

“No.” Q said quietly shaking his head. 

“So you know what they wanted to know. That they wanted information on you.” James prodded.

“Yes…” Q nodded.

“That they knew you and I were lovers. That it was YOU they wanted, not me. That they didn’t know the trackers would stop working when they cut them from me. That they planned to trap you with them.” James felt his emotions start to slip. 

“Yes, which is why I’m glad you didn’t know my real name then…” Q looked up quickly hearing the anxiety in James’ voice, his sentence trickling off unfinished when he saw the look on James’ face.

James shook his head slightly before answering slowly. “Q, I’ve known who you are since you told me about Daniel and Peter.” 

“What?” Q’s eyes opened as wide as they could in surprise. 

“I’ve known who you are since you told me about Daniel and Peter.” James said again even more slowly. 

“But… you didn’t tell them.” Q said dumbfounded. 

“No, of course I didn’t tell them.” James said calmly.

“But they tortured you.” Q said in disbelief.

“Yes.” James said, taking a deep breath before continuing, “But I wasn’t EVER going to give you to them Q. You were the most important thing in the world to me.” James now said quietly, realizing as he said it how resolute he felt. 

“You knew…” Q was reeling from the information.

“I knew.” James paused, “And I protected you.” James pursed his mouth into a hard line and shook his head, “and then you left… Again.” James said, the anger clearly just below the surface. 

“James.” Q felt waves of panic begin to roll through his body. “Didn’t you get…”

“You don’t deserve me.” James said quietly interrupting, pushing the anger down hard with a deadly calm. 

“What?” Q stopped talking not sure he heard James correctly. 

“I came here to find you and bring you home. But now…” James looked up at Q across the table from him, his eyes intense and fierce “but now that I’ve told you, now that you know that I knew who you were, that whole time they tortured me, and I didn’t break,” James paused his voice quaking slightly with the memory. James took a deep breath, and then pushed back from the table to stand, “I’ve realized you don’t fucking deserve me.” 

Q quickly stood on the other side. He couldn’t argue the point because he agreed, he knew he didn’t deserve him, not after he had let him down. The guilt of having abandoned James there for four months is what drove Q to now do what he was doing, but something was off, James should have known why Q left. “James…”

“Save it Q,” James shushed him holding up his hand. Then with a shattered look in his eyes, James said, “I loved you.” 

Q’s mouth dropped open, wanting to speak, his heart racing, knowing that James was about to walk out on him. 

James’ eyes went cold and he spit out harshly, “but I don’t think you ever loved me back. You certainly never told me that you did,” before he turned away from Q and headed for the door.

“James.” Q followed him trying to reach for him, but James twisted his shoulder away from him. 

“I’ll inform M of your location, I’m sure they’ll insist on a new tracker for long term monitoring. Goodbye Q.” James said as he slipped out the door, pulling it closed behind him and quickly walking away, feeling his body wrack in pain and his heart break all over again but he didn’t stop walking. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: FUCKING HELL!!! How did this all go so wrong? He doesn’t know why I left London. He didn’t find the letter. He thinks I never loved him. Fuck, fuck fuck!! And all this time, all that time, for months before they even took him he’s known who I am, and I fucking failed him yet again. He’s right. I don’t fucking deserve him. And now he’s gone. And I never told him. I have to fix this. I have to finish this, and then I have to fix this. How? I don’t know how. 

~~~


	40. Q-iller

Chapter 40: Q-iller 

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Acting Quartermaster: 

Summary: Q has GOT to come back! I swear I will personally make Bond an exploding pen if he can find him and bring him back because if I have to deal with one more double 0 ego I’m going to go all Eve Moneypenny on their arses and shoot them all myself. I’m tempted to give them the poison condoms I found on the back of Q’s research shelf and tell them to go fuck each other.   
– R (acting quartermaster) You better come back quick Q. 

~~~

The three men who had been trailing Bond caught sight of him again just as he left the warehouse. They had been watching Bond for weeks, knowing he was on the trail of the former quartermaster. Surprised to see him leave alone, they agreed to split up. Two continuing to follow the agent, one sent to investigate the warehouse and see what James had been doing. 

Q heard the noise in the warehouse outside the door where James had just left, sniffling back hard the snot that now threatened to run all over his beard as he fought against the tears that had surfaced when James had walked out on him, desperate to follow but knowing he couldn’t, at least not yet. His heart suddenly jumped with hope that maybe James was coming back so that Q could explain, even if Bond was angry, even if they fought. But when he heard the clatter, someone knocking over boxes further down the wall he quickly knew it had to be someone else, someone who didn’t know how to navigate the space. 

Flipping off the light in the flat, he waited, his heart racing knowing whoever was out there was quickly going to find the door and Q didn’t have time to move towards it and lock it. The cats instinctively knew to go quiet and they all retreated under the couch as Q went still, both of his small handguns now locked and aimed at the door as he forced himself to calm, steadying his breath. 

Quietly the door slipped open and in the dim light Q saw a tattooed hand on the frame edging it open, most definitely not Bond’s. He clicked one gun and aimed as the stranger now entered unaware that Q sat there in the shadow. Q heard the unknown man swear quietly to himself in Russian and immediately Q knew that James had been followed. Q hit the remote sensor for the side-lights that now blinded the man in the doorway allowing Q time to spot and take aim. He hit the hand that held the Glock, hearing it clatter to the floor. The surprised man shrieked in pain and then the swearing suddenly got much louder. 

Q stood ordering the man to the floor. “The only reason you aren’t already dead is because I want to know who you are, and if there are more of you.” Q snarled. He stepped closer, the heel of his foot coming down on the man’s mangled hand bringing another howl of pain. 

The man looked fiercely at Q and swore at him again, spewing in Russian that his two partners would be coming soon, and Q wouldn’t escape regardless of whether Q killed him or not. 

Q answered in perfect Russian. “Two more? Good to know.” Then he shot the man in the forehead with no remorse, the look of surprise at hearing Q answer him in his native tongue caught forever on his face. 

If there were still two, it undoubtedly meant they had followed Bond and Q had to find him. Q was immediately focused and purposeful as he pulled out his laptop and hacked into the tracker feed that he knew still existed for Bond. The one last tracker Q had finally turned back on, that led Q to him after all those fateful months. The ping lit up the screen and Q knew where he was. He grabbed Eleanor and Penelope tossing them into the bedroom, then quickly climbed on a chair to pull Benjamin off the top of the kitchen cupboards, damn cat was always climbing and tossed him in with the girls closing the door. He didn’t have time to deal with the dead body on the floor, which was creating a pool of blood and he certainly didn’t want the cats leaving bloody pawprints all over the flat while he was gone. He grabbed extra ammunition for the handguns, tucked them into the under arm holsters he nearly always wore, expecting that this day might eventually come. Pulling up the tracker link on his phone he left the warehouse stepping over the dead body that lay in his doorway. 

He was twenty minutes by foot behind James as he watched the signal on the map, but he could catch him in five if he took his motorbike. Zipping up his leather jacket, helmet pulled on quickly he surged from the warehouse heading for James and the two men he was positive were following him, but Q knew that he was the real target. Q cut over a block and sped up to pass the area he knew James was walking through, parking his bike and heading back towards him to cut him off. 

“James,” Q barked as he came into sight. 

James stopped on the sidewalk, surprised to see Q standing in front of him, searching his face quickly to figure out what was going on. Q’s eyes caught his and James felt a surge of adrenaline, but then James saw there was no joy in them. As a matter of fact Q’s eyes hardened, and then both arms crossed across his own chest, reaching into his jacket and as he pulled them back he raised small hand guns in each one, safeties clicking back, pointed in his direction. 

“Q, what the bloody hell?” James frowned, his hands turning out to show he was unarmed. 

“Don’t move.” Q said it quietly, his voice deep and gravely. 

James took a breath and pursed his lips into a hard line of anger as he looked down the barrels of both guns. “Q, put down the guns.” 

“Alas, no,” Q answered, taking several steps closer to James, guns still held steady. 

“I’m not aiming a fucking gun at YOU, now am I?!” James protested, feeling his heart rate start to speed up, an immediate realization that maybe Q really was a double agent and now that James had found him Q had come to end it. 

“Well you may not be, but they are,” Q said and then before James could move Q lifted both guns up and away, angled over James’ shoulders shooting quickly, no gunfire coming in return, but two anguished moans from the street corner behind James ringing out in the air. 

James whirled around, caught by surprise as Q now strode past him, one gun still raised as he headed for the men another round of gunfire making the moans grow quiet. 

Q sighed and shook his head in dismay as he looked down, the toe of his boot pushing against one of the dead bodies, before he leaned down to quickly search the pockets of the man who lay in a spreading pool of blood. “Check the other body.” He said gruffly to James, looking around to see if there was anyone else on the street who had witnessed what had just happened, thankfully noting that they were very alone. 

“Who the bloody hell are they?” James huffed as he followed Q, kicking the gun away from the motionless form, and then quickly searching the body, grabbing his wallet and identification. 

“The people who followed you here. The people you led to me.” Q huffed. 

“No one followed me,” James declared, insistent and angry. 

Q gave him a hard stare and then raised both eyebrows and nodded his head slowly towards each body, his fingers pointing to them. “Really?” Q shook his head, “they just happened to show up within twenty minutes of you finding me. There is another one laying dead in my living room who followed you into the warehouse. You really think they didn’t tail you to get here?” 

“Who are they?” James asked again, his voice tinged with frustration, fighting the embarrassment that he had been caught unaware. 

At this point Q had stood and was facing James. “I’m hoping the last of the Belarussians that I’ve been tracking down for the past two months, but I don’t know that for sure.” 

The two men stood there staring at one another as James struggled to make sense of what Q had just said. Q watched James’ expression change, a confused frown settling, his forehead furrowed. 

Q’s eyes now caught James and softened, he had been deadly calm as he pulled those triggers, but now his heart started to race. “Would you consider come back to the flat? I know that you said goodbye and I can’t blame you if you don’t want to see me again James, but I think we need to make sure there is no one else after you, and…”

James nodded, roughly, his jaw flexing, “and after you too.” James was putting the puzzle pieces together as they stood there.

Q nodded and turned back where he left his motorbike, the two men walking quietly, until finally James broke the silence. “Q…” he paused then added, “where did you learn to shoot like that?”

Q looked at him and said with a straight face, “I don’t know why you always think I don’t know how to use the weapons I design and test.” Then he couldn’t help the small smile that edged up on the corner of his mouth. 

James smirked, “And the guns? I’ve never seen guns like those before.”

Q raised his eyebrows in dismay, “really?” He said somewhat sarcastically.

“Right,” James murmured realizing after he asked, that Q had clearly custom made the guns for himself. “What else can you do that I don’t know about Q?” James asked, his expression earnest. 

“Drive a motorbike?” Q quirked his head towards the bike as he handed the spare helmet to James. “Willing to ride with me?” Q noticed James pause and he frowned. “But it’s okay, I understand if you don’t think you can trust me.” 

James took the helmet. “Well you did just save my life… again.” He nodded towards the dead men behind him then looked at the motorbike before looking up at Q. “And I’ve always trusted you Q.” Then he put the helmet on. 

Q climbed on the bike scooting forward to give James space to climb on behind him, but just before James did he looked intently at the bearded man looking back at him, as he slipped another piece into the puzzle. “Q, are you the one who killed all the men in Belarus?” 

Q didn’t answer, not proud of how brutal he had been in that moment, and in many moments since then as well, but he had been driven by blind rage when they had found James. 

“I thought it was Eve.” James said quietly. 

“It wasn’t Eve,” Q answered. 

James just nodded, looking back one more time at the two bodies Q had left on the corner, blood dripping into the gutter beside them. James realizing for the first time how deadly Q really was. James knew Q was capable of it indirectly, after he set up the Croatians that had beat James so many months ago but this was the first time James had seen Q actually pull a trigger to end a life, and now to know Q had been the one to liberate him from captivity. James didn’t know how to feel realizing his accusation that Q was a coward for leaving was the farthest thing from the truth. All he could do was hold on to Q as Q started the bike and pulled them onto the road accelerating back towards the flat. 

 

~~~

Arriving back at Q’s warehouse flat they parked the motorbike without speaking and back in the flat James helped Q move the body from the front entryway to a dumpster behind the warehouse wrapping him in the carpet from Q’s living room, already bloodstained and not worth keeping now. A bucket and mop, the floor cleaned before Q released the cats and finally the two of them found the silence they had fostered in the last hour needed to be broken. 

“Any leads on how we figure out if there are more coming?” James asked. 

Q hummed and ran his hands through his short cropped hair, then scratched at his bushy beard. Bond found it incredibly distracting. The man standing in front of him was not his same quartermaster. 

“Maybe,” Q finally answered. “I had hoped that there weren’t anymore after we rescued you. But after I scanned the hard drive and hacked their e-mail accounts I knew there was still a cell that needed to be eliminated and that’s why I’ve been using Germany as home base.”

“Wait…” James literally turned and raised his hands to Q. “Just wait a minute. You’ve seriously been hunting Belarussian operatives all this time? That’s why you left London?”

“James…” Q pursed his mouth afraid of the answer he was going to get. “Why did you think I left? You did find my letter didn’t you?”

“What letter?” James shook his head. 

Q sat down suddenly on the couch feeling his limbs go heavy. “Buggering hell,” he heaved, dropping his head into his hands. 

“Q, what letter?!” James said more loudly stepping closer to Q. 

Q looked up at James, tears welling in his eyes in despair and frustration. “The letter I left for you on the bed in your flat. The letter I wrote that explained why I was leaving London for a while. Why I had to go. Why I reestablished your flat for you.”

“What?” James’ brows furrowed in frustration. “What do you mean reestablished my flat?”

Q sighed heavily looking up at the ceiling. He honestly didn’t know what to say. 

“Q…” James started then paused. “Did you buy back my flat for me?” 

“Yes! Of course I did! I sold mine, so I could buy yours.” Q huffed. “James don’t you understand? I had to finish this, after everything that happened. After I figured out why they did what they did to you, after I SAW what they did to you and that it was all about me.”

“You feel guilty.” James shook his head in frustration. “Christ Q, you saved my life! I should be thanking you.” 

Q looked away and then down, “no…please don’t say that.” 

“Q, you…” Bond sat down beside him on the couch.

Q interrupted him, “Don’t. Don’t say I’m the one who saved you. I’m not. I’m the one who failed you.” 

Bond sat still beside him, beyond frustrated to hear Q blaming himself. “How can you say that?”

“Because it’s true,” Q looked at him, his eyes wild.

“Q, I’m alive because of you.” 

“Four months,” Q huffed, running his hands through his short hair, scruffing his bearded chin in irritation, “four months.” 

“I’m alive because of you.” James said again. 

“They tortured you for four months, because I forgot to turn that tracker back on James.” Q finally whirled, twisting to face him, his face contorted in despair. “I never, ever should have turned them off.”

James nodded, relieved that Q was at least talking about it. “Q.” He said quietly. “I’m alive because of you.” 

“Stop saying that.” Q yelled, his voice getting louder. 

“I’m going to say it, until you believe it.” James answered calmly.

Q turned his back to James, wiping the snot that now ran from his nose on the back of his sleeve, the tears now coming uncontrolled. 

“Q think about what they did. They knew about the smart blood. They knew about the subcutaneous and the intramuscular trackers. Their goal was to get them all, with the hopes that no one could find me, that they could use them to set a false trail for you. But when they figured out they stopped working then their goal was to hold me until I gave them what they wanted.” 

“Yes, because what they wanted was ME. And they were idiots, did they seriously think they could take the trackers and lure me somewhere, because it clearly didn’t occur to them that I would have used satellite imagery to verify where you were and then would have known it wasn’t actually YOU!” Q sniffled again as he tried to stop the tears. 

James couldn’t help the quick little grin on his face at Q’s comment, “the bad guys are usually idiots, yes.” 

Q looked up at him briefly hearing the humor in James’ voice and actually chuckled. “And really, they didn’t think M would just send other agents after you, or the fake you as the case might be. M would never have let me go after you directly.” 

James nodded but then raised his eyebrows, “I don’t know Q, look where we are. They seem to have managed to lure you into the field after all. Maybe they weren’t such idiots.” 

Q just shook his head and looked again at the floor. 

James debated about what to say next and then continued wanting Q to hear the whole explanation so they could move beyond this. “They had an electromagnetic scanner. After they took the smart blood, they used the scanner to find the other trackers.” 

“And they cut them from your body.” Q closed his eyes, the images still bold regardless. 

“They cut the active ones. The scanner could only find the active ones Q.” This was the important point James needed Q to understand.

Q looked at Bond, his face contorted as he thought about what Bond was saying. 

“I’m alive, because I still had one tracker left, and it was silent. I’m alive because you had turned it off, and then later you turned it back on.”

“Four months.” Q said again.

“Much sooner and they would have found it Q. They used that scanner on me regularly, they kept rechecking. They couldn’t understand why I wasn’t begging them to just kill me, why I endured what they did to me. They kept saying there was no way anyone would ever find me, that I should tell them and they’d end it.” 

“Why didn’t you just fucking tell them? I didn’t even know you actually KNEW. You should have just told them.” Q said angrily. 

“But I knew they had missed one.” James refused to respond. “I knew where you had put all the trackers, I knew the one you had implanted in my gluteus maximus.”

“Your arse,” Q chuckled through his snotty tears. 

Bond smiled, “yes, the one time you were actually a pain in MY arse.” 

Q looked up at him and saw the twinkle in James’ eye and Q couldn’t help but smirk, sniffling back the snot running from his nose. Bond then added, “because we both know most of the time I’m the one who’s the pain in yours.” 

Q actually smiled, but then the smile quickly faded and Q shook his head, “four months.” 

“Q, it’s okay, four days, four months, it could have been four years, in the end you figured it out. I knew you would. As long as it took, I knew you’d remember, and I knew you’d find me.” Bond leaned forward trying to catch Q’s eye. “I knew you’d find me.” Q looked up briefly but then away again. 

“You give me too much credit.” Q huffed. “I wasn’t looking for you James. I believed you were dead. I had given up.” Q’s voice broke on the last phrase and tears welled up yet again, his hand subconsciously going to the tattooed bruise on his neck. “I only found the code because I was planning to delete the files. It was an accident. I could have never found it. I could have NEVER found YOU.” Q gritted out in anger.

“But you did.” James said again quietly. “I’m alive because you turned that tracker off, and then turned it back on.” 

“Maybe they should implant silent trackers in all the agents,” Q huffed in exasperation. 

“You should,” Bond chuckled. “When you hacked the code that made it possible to deactivate and activate them, you created a back up. Everyone should have a silent tracker deep in their arse.” 

“I don’t work for MI6 anymore though, remember,” Q sighed briefly looking up at James before once again scruffing his chin with his fingers. Unconsciously obsessing about the beard that covered his face. 

“So let me get this straight, you quit because you knew they wouldn’t let you go after the Belarussians if you were still the quartermaster. And you were determined to do this yourself because you felt responsible for what happened to me.” James said it out loud to confirm it.

“Yes. I was responsible. I AM responsible.” Q lifted his chin quickly to look at James again. 

James didn’t bother to argue the point, he knew it was going to take time to get Q to let go of the guilt. “And when you got them all, you were going to come back to London.” 

“Yes,” Q nodded his head aggressively. “YES, that’s what was in the letter. I hand wrote it and left it for you, I didn’t want to leave an electronic trace, explaining everything, apologizing, promising to come back.” 

“If they didn’t capture you, or kill you.” James felt his frustration rising again. “Christ Q, how could you go off and do this alone and not tell anyone. Not tell me where you were. No one could help you. You had no backup. You broke every rule that YOU put in place to keep agents safe.” 

“I had too.” 

“No you didn’t!!” James nearly shouted in frustration making Q turn away. James took a breath trying to calm down, he wasn’t going to get anywhere shouting at Q. He started again, “you are not responsible Q. You should have no guilt. You saved me.” James said slowly and deliberately.

“Stop saying that,” Q pleaded. 

“You did it again today.” James continued. 

“No,” Q shook his head violently back and forth. 

“Yes,” James said quietly. 

Both men went silent. Q dropped his head, his hand now rubbing his neck over and over, the tattoo below his ear that was under his fingers textured from the original ridges from James’ bite. James watched him quietly, his heart panging as he saw Q trace the oval over and over, unaware of what he was doing. Eve had told James what Q had done, about the now permanent mark on his neck. 

It had been six months since they had been in each other’s presence like this, six months of distance, six months of loss, six months of mourning. The time had opened a chasm between them, and James was unsure if Q would actually let him close again. But as James watched Q worry the spot on his neck over and over, blaming himself for what happened to him he couldn’t stand it any longer, and before Q could protest, James reached for Q’s hand to pull it from his neck, leaning in, pressing his lips to the spot now inked blue and black. 

“Thank you,” he whispered against Q’s skin. Q shuddered, his shoulder dropping in surprise trying to turn away, but James didn’t let him go, his arm wrapped around Q’s back, James kept his mouth pressed to Q’s neck, his breath warm against his skin. He whispered it again, his lips now brushing Q’s ear, “you saved me Q, I’m alive because of you.” James paused, his arm pulling Q closer as he turned into Q’s space before he said quietly, “now let me save you too.” 

Q shuddered, his resolve breaking when he heard those unexpected words, heaving a breath. He turned, his arms sliding around James’ neck, burying his face in James’ shoulder the sobs over taking him. “I’m sorry,” Q cried, “I’m so sorry.” 

James held him close, letting him cry. 

“I thought I’d lost you forever.” Q’s voice broke as he cried. 

James straightened his neck leaning back to break Q’s hold on him so he could look at him, reaching to cradle Q’s face in his hands forcing him to meet his gaze when Q tried to look away. “You didn’t lose me.” James said insistently. “But this vendetta you’ve been on means I could have lost you. And I fought too fucking hard to stay alive for you to disappear. You cannot do this alone.” 

Q closed his eyes and reached for James hands with his own to pull them from his face, leaning in again to rest his cheek against James’ neck. “I know, I’m sorry,” he said quietly, wrapping his arms under James’ to pull him close. 

“So we finish it together,” James said with a sigh. He felt Q nod against his neck and murmur, “yes.” 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: I’ve killed three more people. Is this who I am now? I was so focused I didn’t even realize that I was lost until James found me… I don’t think I know who I am any more. But at least I’m not alone, at least he’s with me. 

~~~


	41. Close Shave

Chapter 41: Close Shave

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Damn it Q, where do you keep the files on the secret engineering projects. T insists you have an alien space ship hidden in a warehouse and I can’t find the files to prove him wrong.  
– R (acting quartermaster) 

~~~

The two sat together quietly now that they had breached the emotional impasse between them and started the conversation they would need for their reconciliation. Q’s face was still pressed to James’ neck as he tried to get his emotions under control feeling wrung out from the adrenaline and now the weight of the conversation, he murmured apologies against James’ skin until James pulled back. 

“Enough apologies,” he sighed, “I will eventually forgive you, but first,” James reached for Q’s shoulders to tug him back further to look at him once again, “first you kiss me until I forgive you for being a bloody stupid arse.”

Q laughed, wiping the last of his tears from his wet cheeks with the back of his hands, a nervous smile slipping on and off his face as he tried to get his emotions back in check before quickly leaning forward to press a chaste closed mouth kiss to James lips, darting back again, as he hummed, “I’m not sure there are enough hours for all the kisses it would take.” 

“Try,” James challenged him, looking at him fiercely, his ice blue eyes insistent. 

Q rolled his lower lip into his mouth to press them together briefly, then licked his bottom lip with his tongue to wet it before leaning in again, his arms sliding around James as he offered his mouth, pressing into him, pushing him back against the arm of the couch as he tried to pour his apology into their embrace, a surge of need and want and nervous worry that James may change his mind and reject him. Q was doing his damnedest to ignore the pain in his cut lip, and his sore cheek. He could feel that his cheekbone and jaw were bruised from James’ knuckles. 

James yielded, letting Q control the kiss as he relaxed into the couch cushions, feeling an irritated Eleanor leap from the overstuffed arm when her space was invaded. He still didn’t have all his strength back and it would be a long time before he didn’t feel the repercussions of his injuries, but he could still summon enough muscle to wrap his arms around his lanky quartermaster and haul them both down onto the couch, Q now mostly below him. James wanted the control now and he pressed an overwhelming kiss to Q’s mouth as he felt his emotions well up with need, and loss and no small amount of unresolved frustration. But kissing Q through the long facial hair that surrounded his mouth and covered his face slowed James down, the sensations different from his memories of snogging Q in the past and then he felt Q flinch and James pulled back. “Shit, your lip, I’m sorry,” James apologized sitting up and pulling Q up next to him. 

“What?” Q’s head was swimming with the intoxication of James’ kiss, then he reached up touching his fingers to his lip, scowling when he looked at them and saw blood on his fingertips, the cut in his mouth reopened. He wiped his sleeve across his bottom lip again, trying to hide it from James. 

“You missed a bit,” James reached over and touched the corner of Q’s lower lip with his finger. 

Q huffed and slipped his tongue out to lick at the spot, reaching out to run his thumb along James’ lower lip as well. “You’ve got my blood on your lip as well you know.” 

“Do I?” James licked his bottom lip, tasting the hint of iron. “Hmm, while I don’t mind the taste of your blood, but maybe you should go shower and change, pretty sure the blood on your clothes and the spots still on your arms isn’t actually all yours.”

Q turned his hands over to look at his forearms, streaks of red on his wrists that he had missed when he had washed after they hauled the Russian out of his flat and his gray flannel shirt had taken on a bit of a red hue in spots. 

“Yes, perhaps I should, I don’t know how I missed that.” Q nodded with a sigh, feeling a wave of exhaustion run through him. 

“And then can we please shave off this ridiculous beard?” James asked, rubbing his thumb along Q’s bristly jaw line. 

“I like the beard, I’ve gotten used to it,” Q laughed as he pushed James’ hand away from his chin, licking his lip again, worried he was still bleeding. 

“I hate it.” James protested. 

“Well it’s a good thing it’s not on YOUR face then,” Q quipped. 

“Mmm, but if you ever want me to kiss you again, it’s got to go.” James teased him. 

Q went quiet for a moment in thought before looking up at James, “right, I’ll just go shave it now, shall I?” Then he stood quickly and headed for the bathroom.

“Wait!” James laughed at Q’s response, then quickly stood behind him. “Let me help. I want to shave it off. Eve shaved my face once, I want to shave yours.”

“Did you really need to remind me about your dalliance with Eve?” Q rolled his eyes as he reached in to turn on the water in the shower, both now standing in the bathroom, James having followed him. 

“We didn’t actually sleep together.” James clarified, reaching to cup Q’s cheek in his hand, feeling the long wiry hair, so different then the soft waves at the nape of his neck. 

“She would have you know,” Q told him. “She wanted too.” Q reached to pull James’ hand from his face. 

“Really?” James smirked. “Did she tell you that?” He leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest, looking again at his swollen right knuckles. 

“Yes,” Q sighed in exasperation. “She reminds me regularly that she had failed to get into your bed.” 

“Hmm…” James played it over in his head, “well I have rules about not sleeping with people I work with.” 

Q turned to look at James with his eyebrows raised, “really,” Q chided him, “and yet you slept with me.” Q reached up to unbutton his shirt.

“You are the exception to every rule for me.” James smiled admiring the view of skin as Q’s fingers continued to move lower. 

Q just nodded with a sigh, “yes well, sometimes rules are actually good to stick to.” But before James could question the meaning of that statement Q added, “now out of the bathroom. I’ll let you help me shave this beard off when I’m done in the shower.” 

James nodded and turned away, “of course.” He pulled the door closed behind him, wondering how he should interpret Q’s comment about sticking to rules. 

~~~

Standing in the shower, alone for the first time in hours, Q felt it actually sink in that James was here in Berlin. That realization made him spontaneously smile and flush in the hot water as he replayed the kiss James had pressed upon him, but then Q also continued to process that he had shot and killed three people today with no remorse, which made him feel nauseated as he leaned forward to rest his head on the wall of the shower. 

The nausea happened every time he pulled a trigger. He had no problem designing weapons, the physics behind trajectory and projectiles was fascinating, and the engineering of the mechanisms, the barrels, the bullets, it was beautiful. But actually pulling a trigger and killing a person was nothing like pulling a trigger in the armory. 

Bond never knew it, because he had never seen Q’s file, but M had actually considered Q for active field duty, debating about training a new group of agents who were tech savvy, capable of slipping in quietly; young, agile hackers who could steal information with no one knowing, but still deadly when necessary. Q had been one of those potential recruits, his ballistic scores were higher then anyone else, his lithe body able to run miles, his small frame an advantage because everyone under estimated him, although he was fully capable of defending himself. But when M realized Q’s potential in the lab she quickly grounded him, not wanting to risk Q’s life when his truly exceptional engineering and coding skills had become apparent, plus there was the downside that Q threw up at the sight of blood. 

Q’s rampage in Gomel when they had rescued Bond had been fueled by pure adrenaline and rage. Finding James and realizing what had happened to him had made Q’s mind go cold and intensely focused. He had no problem pulling the trigger to end the lives of the people who had tortured James. He never even saw the blood at the time. It had been much later, back in England, after Q had gone home while James was in surgery that what he had done had finally starting to sink in, and as the images came back to his mind that was when Q had wretched. 

Since then, each time Q had pulled a trigger, his list of people to find growing shorter with each kill, he had experienced the same cold intense focus, then the pain and wretching later, but it was slower to come each time, and this time while he felt the nausea the physical response never actually came at all. What had he become and when was this going to end? He wondered, swallowing hard to clear his head. 

He stood in the water for a long time letting it wash over his skin, his forehead resting on the wall tiles trying to make sense of what had happened today, and how he should feel about the fact that James had once again tracked him down. All that they had said to each other today, some of it difficult, and some of it contradictory left Q feeling uncertain and he wasn’t at all sure what to expect next. He reminded himself that he had done all of this for James, because of James, and yet now Q didn’t know how to feel. In many ways it was like no time had passed at all and seeing James made his heart race with happiness, and yet the time and distance had clearly taken a toll. He took a very deep breath as he reached forward to turn off the water, still standing with his forehead against the wall, he tried to focus himself, the air cooling around him and then the knock on the door. 

“Q?” James called through the door. “Are you coming out?”

He slowly lifted his head, running his hands over his short cropped hair, and then down over his beard slicking the water away, reaching out of the shower quickly to grab his towel. “Yes, one minute.” Q called to James. 

When he opened the door he found James on the other side, scissors in his hand, “just making sure you hadn’t changed your mind.” He snipped the scissors in the air in front of Q’s nose. “Can we get rid of that beard now?” 

Q nodded, turning to invite James into the bathroom with him, “shall we do it in here where there is a sink for water?” 

“Sure,” James smiled seeing Q in nothing but his towel. He had missed that view, there were many images James drew upon while he was being held in order to hold on to his inner strength and seeing Q like this was one of them, although it was obvious that two months in the field had changed Q’s body. The trim, fit, distance running, desk working boffin had hardened. Q’s arms were more defined, his stomach more muscled, even if he was still as lithe as ever, the boniness and lanky limbs were gone. Q was more nimble, graceful in his economy of motion and as he tucked his towel tighter around his waist James couldn’t dismiss the quick surge in his libido at the thought of tugging that towel right off of Q to discover what else had become more muscular on Q’s form, suspecting Q’s pert arse probably looked better then ever. But he quickly pushed that thought from his mind, it was too soon to even consider it, his own issues still very real.

“Hop up on the counter?” James fingers tapped the granite as he winked at Q, “let’s get this bushy thing off your face.” 

Thus Q now sat on the counter next to the sink in the bathroom, his short hair towel dried but still damp, the towel around his waist nearly coming loose as James pressed his knees open to step between his legs, holding the steaming flannel to Q’s face to soften the hair on his chin. Q sat completely still, his eyes closed, letting James do as he wanted, still processing with disbelief that James was actually here. He could feel James studying his face but he was emotionally unable to open his eyes to meet his gaze, trying to stay calm as his feelings continued to careen in confusion. He held tight to the counter on either side of his legs, knowing if he let go his hands would likely be shaking. 

Slowly, James used the scissor to trim the long hair until it was cropped close enough to shave the rest smooth. The warm thick soapy lather turned his chin and cheeks white until James lifted the razor for the first swipe on his left cheek. “Careful,” Q gently protested as James reached for his chin, “that’s the tender side from your right fist knocking me on my arse earlier today.” 

James sighed and nodded, “again, sorry,” he murmured and then he really apologized when Q’s skin was actually revealed, a dark blue bruise outlining his cheek bone and running down along the back corner of his jaw. James ran his finger gently over the line, before bringing his thumb up to slide over the mole on Q’s left cheek finally revealed again from beneath the dark whiskers. It was James’ favorite and he couldn’t help the half smile that slid onto his face when he saw it again.

Q turned to the mirror to look at his face, reaching up to feel the bruise along his jaw and cheek. He actually smiled. “That’s a good one.” 

“I shouldn’t have hit you,” James apologized shaking his head. “I never wanted to hurt you.” 

“Oh, we’ve both been hurt by the other James, just not always physically. At least this one is visible and it will heal and go away.” Q turned back to face James, running his hands along his cheeks, feeling smooth skin for the first time in many weeks.

James narrowed his eyes as he studied Q’s face, interpreting what Q had just said. “We are both human Q, you have to know I’d never intentionally hurt you.” James hands rested on Q’s knees, his thumbs rubbing back and forth along Q’s skin.

Q nodded, “and I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry I didn’t include you in this from the beginning, but you were in no shape at the time to help me James.” 

James shook his head, his hands clenching down on Q’s legs in frustration, “then you should have confided in Eve, or you should have waited.” 

“I couldn’t wait.” Q pushed firmly on James’ shoulders to make him back up from the counter where Q was still perched, he was suddenly feeling underdressed wearing only his towel. 

James backed up and watched Q ease himself off the counter and turn to head for the bedroom to find clothes. “Q…” James followed him. 

Q pulled a Daf punk concert t-shirt over his head, towel still held in place, then turned to find pants, tugging them on under the towel before dropping it and pulling on pyjamas, the closest thing at hand. Q finally turned to face James, “after I watched even the first few minutes of that video James. I knew I couldn’t wait.”

James nodded, he didn’t really want to even think about what Q had seen. “Fine, I get that. But you should have gone to Tanner and M.” 

“Well I didn’t now, did I?! I knew what the Russians wanted, who they wanted, and I used that to my advantage. I didn’t want to be sidelined by M James. He wouldn’t have allowed it.”

“Damn right! Because you are too important Q,” James protested. 

“Too important to MI6,” Q huffed angrily, “THIS was more important!” Q’s voice raised in frustration. 

James clenched his fists together and bit down on his back teeth, then stormed over to where Q stood. He saw the look that quickly crossed Q’s face, expecting James might actually be getting ready to hit him again, but Q stood his ground, chin raised. Instead James surprised him as he grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him backwards against the wall, pressing a hard kiss to Q’s sore mouth in frustration. “Don’t you fucking get it Q? YOU are more important. You could have been fucking killed. You are more important… to ME. Fuck MI6,” James hissed. “If you had been caught…” James voice suddenly dropped off, his head falling to Q’s shoulder as he stepped even closer wrapping his arms around Q, pulling their bodies together, his emotions surging to the surface again. 

“James,” Q said quietly. 

James stepped back, turning away from Q, wiping his eyes, avoiding Q as he took a breath, swallowing hard. “It’s done.” James said brusquely. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over now.” 

Q watched James step away, letting him go, his hands dropping to his sides. “If it’s not, then we’ll do it together. I promise.” He saw James raise his head and nod, still not turning back to face him. And then James left the room, needing some space.  
~~

Inwardly they both knew things couldn’t truly be the same between them, at least not right away. That the events of the past six months would take time to understand and process before they could truly make their way back to one another, but it didn’t mean they didn’t both hope that the other would know how to fix it and that they could be okay again. 

When Q finally followed James to the living room he found him pouring himself a large scotch with one hand and texting on his phone with the other. Setting down the whiskey, James reached up to squeeze the nape of his own neck, still looking down at his phone as he finished the text. He turned when he heard Q behind him. “You should know that I just texted Eve to tell her I found you and that you are okay.” 

“Did you tell her where we are?” 

“She knows I was headed for Berlin, but no, I didn’t tell her exactly where. Don’t worry, no one is coming to get you.” 

Q just nodded but said, “that wasn’t really why I was asking.” There was much left to be said between Q and James. The tension between them was back, the short lived reconciliation had come too soon. 

James downed the whiskey in one swallow before turning back to pour himself another. 

“Have you eaten anything? The day has gotten away, I could pull something together,” Q offered worried if James kept swallowing shots of whiskey things were going to go south quickly. 

“I haven’t eaten, no,” James acknowledged. “But don’t make anything. I’ll just eat whatever is quick.” 

“Are you sure?” Q lamented, having something to do right now seemed like a very good idea. 

“I’m sure,” James looked at Q and sighed. “You know you look fifteen years younger without that beard.” 

“Yes,” Q reached up to run his hand over his now smooth face, “that was sort of the point in growing it. My goal was not to be recognizable.” 

“It worked,” James nodded. 

Q gave him a small smile, then awkwardly turned to the kitchen, pulling cold cuts and bread from the fridge, plates from the cupboard. “Here,” he offered it to James. Then he turned and grabbed a pint of ice cream out of the freezer and grabbed a spoon, intending to eat the whole damn pint himself, the cold felt good on the inside of his bruised cheek. 

James snickered, “glad to see some things haven’t changed. You’re not sharing that with me are you?” 

“No I’m not,” Q said before eating another spoon. “But there is more in the freezer if you want your own.” He took another bite. “Maybe you can pour scotch on it like a topping, or make a shake.” 

James put down the whiskey bottle, he got Q’s point. He’d had enough. 

Q sat on the couch, Eleanor joining him quickly to see what he was eating, but he quickly shooed her towards James. Benjamin just looked up from the cushion beside him, his big green eyes opening briefly from his nap as he stretched out his long legs to press them against Q’s hip. 

“Tomorrow…” James started.

But Q interrupted him, “Yes, tomorrow, I think we’ll know much more tomorrow. I’ve already started running the names and other information we got off the Russians today to see how they match and line up to the other men I’ve discovered these past few months. We should know tomorrow if this opens a new line or if maybe, just maybe, hopefully this was the last of them.”

James just nodded. 

Awkward silence hung between them. 

“That wasn’t what you were going to ask me about was it?” Q finally said, sucking on the end of his ice cream spoon. 

“No… but I’m glad to know that, and tomorrow I’d appreciate you showing me all you’ve been doing. Maybe I can fill in some of the gaps.” 

Q nodded and went quiet before he took another bite of ice cream and finally couldn’t help himself, “what were you going to say?... before… when I interrupted.” 

James finished his sandwich, “Nothing, doesn’t matter.” 

“Right,” Q sighed, frustrated with James’ deflection. Q took the last bite of his ice cream then stood to throw away the container. “It’s getting late, I’m tired.” 

“I do have a hotel room, it’s where I was headed when you cut me off this afternoon. I can go there tonight.” James offered, not looking forward to leaving, but the signals from Q were hard to read and all of this felt awkward.

“No, you can stay here if you want,” Q offered quickly. “I didn’t mean to suggest that you had to leave. Besides, we don’t know who else might know you are here, given the men who followed you today.” 

“Thanks.” James pursed his lips and looked at the sofa. “I’ll sleep out here,” he said clearly to prevent any miscommunication about expectations. Neither were ready to consider anything else.

Q nodded, then turned to go find blankets and pillows. Bringing them back he couldn’t help himself, “James?” 

James looked at him, encouraging him to continue as he raised his eyebrows. 

Q took a deep breath. “Are we okay?” It was a brave thing to ask and James could see the uncertainty in Q’s eyes as he said it. 

The desperate look on Q’s face made James stand, taking the pillows from Q to toss onto the couch before pulling him close. “We will be,” he whispered against Q’s ear. “I know we will be… eventually.” Q wrapped his arms around James and stood still, wanting so badly to believe him. James finally stepped back using one hand to lift Q’s bruised chin to look at him. “I think we just need some time. We’ve both been through a lot.” 

Q nodded weakly, pulling back from James’ hand. “Yes, I suppose that’s true.” 

James pursed his mouth in frustration seeing Q so unsure, stepping closer again, this time both hands cradling Q’s face and brought his mouth to his for a gentle kiss, his thumb once again brushing the mole on Q’s left cheek. He felt Q’s breath stutter against his mouth as he pulled away, his fingers still caressing the nape of Q’s neck as he didn’t move his hands. “Do you really want to know what I was going to say earlier, when I said tomorrow, but then you cut me off?” He looked into Q’s eyes, reading the uncertainly and concern. Q didn’t need to nod, James could see the affirmation in his eyes. “I was going to say, tomorrow, let’s talk. Let’s unpack all of this together, let’s figure this out. Let’s talk about us. Because Q, I really do want us to be okay.” He saw Q’s eyes grow warm, his hands coming up to hold onto both of James’ wrists. “But then you suggested we do spy things. Like review files and track down killers.” James rolled his eyes, dropping his hands from Q’s face as he raised them in an angsty flail, waving them sarcastically. 

Q actually laughed. “Let’s do both. I think we need to do both.” 

James smiled and nodded, reaching for Q’s hands to squeeze, his own hand still sore, but at this point he was pretty sure just swollen, not rebroken after punching Q in the face, the very face that now looked back at him in somewhat bruised glee. “But now bed, you are right, it’s late. And you killed people today.” 

Q sighed, opening his eyes wide in apparent disbelief, “yes, yes I did.”

“You are a badass Q.” James laughed. 

“Oh, I’ve always been a badass James. I’ve just hidden it behind tweed and pinstripes.” Q smiled. 

James smirked, and pulled him close for another kiss, still cautious knowing Q’s lip was injured, “that might be why I’ve always been drawn to you.” 

Q pulled back from the kiss, wrinkling his nose, “well, I’m not the quartermaster anymore. You’re going to have to come up with a new name for me. You know my real name, you could call me that I suppose.” 

“No,” James shook his head, “Q is who you are, and I suspect it’s who you’ll be again.” 

“I don’t think M would consider that James.” 

“You underestimate yourself as always,” James said. 

Q sighed, hesitating. 

“What?” James asked, he could see the uncertainty in Q’s body language. 

Q raised his head to look at James, “we can talk more about this tomorrow, but James, I’m not sure I want to be quartermaster again.” James was about to open his mouth to reply but Q kept talking. “The day you left for that final mission, when you suggested your next mission could be someplace warm and tropical and I almost said something then didn’t…” 

James nodded. 

Q continued, “I should have said then what I was thinking, and I’ve regretted it ever since.” 

“What did you want to say?” James asked. 

“When we were in Greenwich, you made a comment about when the day came that we left MI6 together,” Q paused reading James’ face. “Do you remember that?” 

James nodded, “I remember.”

“For weeks I tried to bring that up, to ask you if you were serious,” Q said, everything now coming out in a fast rolling wave. “But I couldn’t, you were so insistent about tracking down the men connected to Alec. I kept waiting for the right time. And then you left on that last mission, and…” Q took a breath. 

James pursed his mouth, he knew what Q was going to say. “… and I didn’t come back.” James finished his sentence. 

Q nodded, fighting back a wave of emotion. “No, no you didn’t and I thought it was too late.” 

“But now?” James prompted him. 

“Now I don’t want to miss that opportunity again. Even if M would take me back James, I don’t think I want to be quartermaster anymore and I don’t want you to go back to being an agent.”

James smiled and chuckled. “You are right, we have a lot to talk about tomorrow.” 

Q laughed, “tomorrow.” 

“Tomorrow.” James smiled and nodded. 

“I never thought I was going to get another tomorrow with you.” Q sighed. 

“All of my tomorrows are yours Q,” James said quietly making Q smile. 

And with that Q took a deep cleansing breath. “Right,” he said on the exhale, “let’s talk about this more tomorrow.” He let go of James’ hands and turned towards the hall, “I’m going to bed now.” 

“Goodnight Q,” James smiled. 

“Goodnight James,” Q said with real happiness in his voice. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: Tomorrow… maybe tomorrow we can finally turn the page on all of this. Maybe tomorrow we can start somewhere new together. Maybe tomorrow I’ll stop being Q and he’ll stop being 007. 

~~~


	42. Q-idnapped

Chapter 42: Q-idnapped

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: I’ve discovered Q’s secret stash of Earl Grey tea, that he keeps hidden in the lowest drawer of his work bench, it had a note from Bond in it. I didn’t read it. I saw the first line and realized it was private and folded it back up and put it back. I really didn’t expect to discover that 007 was such a romantic. It makes my heart hurt even more to realize what Q must have gone through when he thought James was dead. 

I heard a rumor that Bond may have found Q in Berlin. I hope it’s true. I miss them both.   
– R (acting quartermaster) 

~~~

Q woke up before Bond, Benjamin stepping on his face to get his attention. Quietly walking through the living room he spotted James asleep with Eleanor curled up by his shoulder. Q was carrying Benjamin under one arm and Penelope under the other and looked down at her, “see how quiet your sister can be, why do you BOTH have to wake up so early?” He glanced over at the green eyed monster looking up at him innocently, his long tail swishing over Q’s elbow as Q carried him. Looking in the refrigerator Q realized a quick trip to the grocery was in order and quickly pulling on his jeans and his converse tennis shoes he wrote a note for James and slipped out of the warehouse in the early morning sunrise. 

James woke up around 8:00, Ellie would have slept all day if James hadn’t moved. Shifting the heavy ball of fur that had his shoulder pinned, James climbed from the couch surprised at how late it was. Peeking in the bedroom he wasn’t surprised to find Q gone, quickly assuming he likely had gone for his morning run. He made coffee, and a pot of tea to have ready for Q’s return and settled in to check e-mails and read the morning news on Q’s eReader. When 9:00 came and went Bond began to get restless, he purposely hadn’t eaten breakfast assuming Q would be hungry when he got back, but he needed something to tide him over. It was then that he saw Q’s note. 

“6:15 a.m. Gone to grocery for supplies. Out of black currant jam. Be back soon, probably before you even wake up. Q ” 

Bond looked at the clock, it was now going on 9:30. Three hours didn’t make any sense for a trip to the grocery and then Bond realized what had happened. “Fuck!” He roared in anger. Grabbing his phone he hit speed dial for Eve. “I think they’ve got Q,” saying it out loud made it real and his voice broke when he said his name. 

“What??” Eve’s voice was loud enough that it carried to M’s office. “When?”

“This morning. He went for groceries three hours ago, and he didn’t come back.” James could feel the adrenaline starting to swamp him already, panic starting to rise in his throat.

“You don’t think he disappeared on purpose again do you?” Eve had to ask.

“No, I’m positive he didn’t.” James closed his eyes, willing himself to stay calm, pressing his forehead to the cabinet in front of him as he leaned against them. 

“Shit,” Eve swore loudly, Tanner now standing at her desk was looking at her with concern. She covered the mouth piece of her phone and said quickly, “Bond says Q has gone missing. He thinks he’s been kidnapped.” 

Tanner closed his eyes in dismay and rubbed his forehead. “Jesus…” then he looked at Eve, “Q doesn’t work for us anymore Eve. I don’t know what we can do.” 

Eve hardened her stare at Tanner, raising her eyebrows, not blinking. Waiting. 

Tanner took a breath, then pursed his lips and rolled his eyes. “Fine… see who we can send to join Bond. Christ, Bond is not even on active duty yet.” 

Eve nodded. “James…”

“I heard,” he said. “Thank you.” As soon as James disconnected the call he roared in rage, clearing the table with his arm, dishes flying, shattering against the wall, scaring all three cats as they scrambled for the living room. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” James murmured quietly over and over again, sitting down hard in the chair, his head in his hands. “FUCK!!” His head raised and he yelled it at the top of his lungs. The memories of what he had gone through came surging through his system and he was desperate to not let that happen to Q. Emotions were coming fast and uncontrolled and James fought them off, knowing for Q’s sake that he had to stay calm. He blinked hard, forcing the tears away, refusing to wipe his eyes as he channeled everything into focus. He’d break their necks with his bare hands when he found them and he was determined to find them quickly. No one should ever go through what James endured and he couldn’t even consider it happening to Q. 

James closed his eyes hard one more time and clenched his jaw, his hands tightening into fists. He took a deep breath, seeing red behind his eyelids as the fury replaced the panic and when he opened his eyes they were sharp and cold and 007 was absolutely clear about his mission. 

~~~

The moment Q woke up he knew he had screwed up when he left the flat, not like it would have mattered if he had his handguns, he could already tell they had stripped his pockets clean, his phone was also missing. “Fuck,” he said through a cloth gag, his hands tied behind his back, as he sat, legs anchored to chair legs. 

“Ah… you are awake. Good.” A large man with a bad haircut and a lumpy acne scarred complexion said coming to stand in front of him. “Do you know where you are?” He asked as he removed Q’s gag. 

Q flexed his jaw, licking his lips quickly, the gag had irritated the cut in his lip and he knew it was bleeding again. He was in no mood for this. “If I said yes, my guess is you would move me to a new location since I suspect you’d rather I not know where I am, so I’ll just say no.” Q said, then regretted it as the man back handed him across the cheek that wasn’t yet bruised but now would be. 

Q spit blood onto the floor. “At least now my cheekbones will match,” he grumbled. He was immediately determined to stay angry, which he knew made him mouthy and sarcastic. Not a great thing to be when trying to keep from getting punished, but he knew he needed the anger to stay focused. 

Thankfully the man hadn’t seemed to hear him, instead leaving the room, Q guessed to go get someone with some authority. 

A tall broad shouldered woman, blonde hair pulled back severely strode into the room. Her black suede ankle boots clicked on the floor and Q suddenly had this image of the boots looking like hooves and he smirked imagining her like some over groomed Russian pony. He looked up, meeting her stern expression, keeping his own face as neutral as possible as he tried to figure her out. 

“Quartermaster of MI6, the brains behind the brawn of the double 0 agents,” she said, in a thick Russian accent.

Q just smiled, “not anymore.” 

“Doesn’t matter,” she said dismissively. “We know you have the information and the skill to give us access to the MI6 computers regardless of whether you have clearance to do so. You invented the security, you can break it.” 

“That’s what you want?” Q looked at the woman, a little surprised. That actually seemed rather mundane. “You tortured my boyfriend for four months trying to get information about me, when really all you wanted was to hack MI6?” 

“We know you broke through our security, our most classified information sent directly to MI6 based on the tracers on our files. You’ll now do the same for us. And then you’ll help us with another project, one that you turned down several years ago, if you recall.” 

“And if I don’t?” Q thought it necessary to at least ask the question going cold as he realizing what she was asking. “Killing me would sort of end your kidnapping in failure.” 

“We can make life very unpleasant, while keeping you alive quartermaster. I know you were the one to rescue James Bond. You know what my husband did to him.” 

Q stifled the shudder threatening at the base of his spine. Indeed he did know what these people had done to Bond, and he didn’t for a second think they wouldn’t do it to him too. Q frowned. He had to figure out how to play this. He couldn’t give in too easily or they would be on to him, but reality was he wasn’t very good with blood, his or anyone else’s, especially when his head hurt and he couldn’t focus, which was the situation he currently found himself in thanks to the blow to the head he had received when they abducted him. “But if I do what you ask, then you’ll have no reason to keep me alive at all, so refusing, but not being dead, that seems like the better option.” 

“You may find death is preferable to the pain quartermaster,” the woman threatened. 

“Why don’t we compromise?” Q attempted a negotiation. 

She raised her eyebrows at him. “You don’t have any bargaining power here.”

“I have the ability to give you what you want, which means I have all the power actually,” Q said raising his chin in defiance. 

The woman looked sideways at the burly man standing behind Q and nodded. Q felt his kidney light with electricity as the blow landed on his back. Q huffed out a swallowed scream but refused to buckle. 

“Still think you have all the power?” she asked.

“Unnecessary to prove you can injure me, I already know you can do that. You haven’t even heard my suggestion.” Q tried to keep his voice steady as the pain rolled through him in waves. 

“Tell me quartermaster, what is your suggestion?” 

“I give you partial access, to show you I’m willing to provide information, but not everything. That gives me reason to work with you, knowing my life isn’t forfeit.” 

“Eventually you’ll give us everything.” 

“Or possibly I give you nothing and I break from the pain I suspect you’ll continue to inflict, but my mind will be muddled and filled with cortisol, I will not be as useful to you if I’m addled.” Q watched her contemplate his suggestion. “Bring me a computer, and I’ll give you something now. A goodwill gesture. And if you wouldn’t mind I could also use an icepack and paracetamol to ward off the pain I’m going to start feeling from that unnecessary kidney punch, plus the rather unpleasant headache I currently have thanks to the blow to the head I received earlier today. Thank you for that by the way.” Q had decided mental agility was his best way out, given he had no firearms.

She stared at him, trying to figure out if he was playing her. Then she nodded at the burly man, “go, get him a laptop.” 

Q let out a very small sigh of relief. 

His hands untied, but legs still anchored to the chair Q was placed in front of a small table with a laptop. He flexed his fingers, looking up at the woman and giving her a reassuring smile. “You realize I’ll need to first gain access to a mainframe with storage and routing capabilities. A laptop like this won’t get me very far.” 

“I understand this machine is but the conduit for you to access all the other things you need. We will be watching what you do on the monitor, if you attempt to contact or message anyone we will immediately cut the connection, and then we will cut you. Do you understand?” 

Q nodded. “I understand completely.” Q opened the internet connection and then accessed his mainframe remotely. Using code they couldn’t detect he activated the GPS signal in the computer sitting in front of him and then sent a message to Bond that would be decrypted upon receipt. They’d never know he sent it. 

~~~

Q had been missing for eight hours and James was focused and completely irascible as he barked angry orders. 009 and 004 had both arrived with Eve two hours ago and everyone was pouring over Q’s computer files trying to find a lead for where Q might be and who might have him. Then James’ phone pinged with an unfamiliar ping. James reached for it, his eyes going wide at the message he just received. 

“Bond, or whomever gets this message, I’ve activated the GPS signal in this ancient and useless computer, please come and get me. Q” 

James felt his heart immediately start to race as he read the messages that were now flying onto the screen of his phone in rapid fire sequence.

“The idiots holding me captive believe I am hacking MI6’s mainframe for them, but they don’t know I’m using an encrypted code to send you this message.”

“They are smiling at me as I type this, believing they have convinced me to help them.”

“Please bring paracetamol with you when you come to get me. They knocked me out which has given me a horrible headache and punched me in the kidney and it hurts.”

“Oh, and there are at least three of them, maybe more, one has a bad haircut and acne scars, the other looks like he broke his nose recently. And the woman in charge, Oleyesa, looks like a blonde Russian show pony. There may be more.” 

“And bring my handguns too. I forgot them in the bedroom this morning.”

“Not that they would have done me any good. I never saw them coming this morning.”

“See what happens when I shave off my beard? I was recognizable again.”

“Never should have listened to you Bond. I liked the whiskers.”

The texts just kept coming. Q was clearly leading his captors to believe he was working at breaking code for them. 

James chuckled and then took a very deep breath as he smirked, his head shaking in disbelief an immediate wave of relief washing over him realizing Q had outsmarted them. Because of course he had, he was Q. 

James pulled up the GPS map. They were still here in Berlin. “I’ve got him. Eve be a dear and get Q’s tiny revolvers from the bedroom? He seems to have left them behind. Let’s go get him.” 

“What do you mean you’ve got him?” Eve stammered looking at him in complete bewilderment. 

“He’s hacked their computer and he’s sending me coded texts with GPS locations.” James held up his phone and showed them the texts.

“Seriously?” Eve raised her eyebrows as her jaw dropped. 

“Seriously,” James nodded. “Now let’s go!” He was quickly reaching for Benji who was half way up the curtains, as he tried to corral the cats into a bedroom. James hadn’t cleaned up all the broken dishes after he trashed the kitchen in anger and he didn’t want to have to explain to Q how the felines had ended up with shards of crockery in their paws. 

“Hope you are getting closer.” Q’s texts continued to come in. 

“Although I have managed to interrogate Oleyesa while pretending to hack MI6. Given what’s she’s told me, I’m pretty sure this is the last of this sleeper cell.”

“Bugger, apparently I killed her husband. She’s pretty pissed at me.” 

Bond smiled and shook his head as he read Q’s incoming messages. Leave it to Q to cross interrogate his captors and they don’t even know he’s doing it. 

“I’ve just hacked the secondary system filled with fake files that I created as a back up server for MI6, which I use to test the interns to see if they have any hacking skills at all.”

“This lot is bloody thrilled. They think they have secret MI6 documents now. They’ve brought me a sandwich and a cup of coffee as a reward.”

“My request for Earl Gray was ignored.” 

Then Q heard the first gunfire and he paused, looking up. The man with the bad acne scars stepped closer to Q. “What was that?” he asked, his Russian accent thick and heavy. 

“Don’t know. Why don’t you go investigate?” Q suggested. 

The man did. Q snickered and shook his head. “Idiot.” 

Less then one minute later Oleyesa came through the door, gun drawn and pointed at Q. “You told them where you were.” 

James came running in behind her, guns drawn. “Q!” 

The woman stopped behind Q’s chair, bending over, stretching her arm around Q’s chest to lean into him, holding the gun at his temple. “Another step and I’ll kill him.” 

“Maybe don’t take another step James.” Q calmly suggested feeling the metal pressed to his skin. 

James dropped his gun and held up his hands. He wouldn’t watch Q get shot right in front of him. “Don’t shoot him.” 

Two other men Q didn’t recognize came in behind James, both grabbing him by an arm. Q saw James grimace, his injured shoulders couldn’t take those angles. 

“Q don’t tell them anything.” James looked at him directly, and then got kidney punched much like Q had, which made James’ eyes roll up and back. 

“Right, well that’s about enough,” Q huffed. 

The woman with the gun smiled and leaned in to kiss Q on his bruised cheek. “Quartermaster, not comfortable with violence? I do believe we won’t need to make much of a scene to get what we want from you after all will we? We just needed to put your boyfriend in front of you.” 

“No, that’s enough because I made a vow to James to keep him safe, and I mean to keep it.” Then pushing his head back into the collarbone of the woman behind him Q unbalanced her and as she lifted her arms he reached up and took her gun. Then as she fell backwards Q brought the gun forwards shooting both men on either side of Bond and then turned over his shoulder to shoot her too. 

James just stood there. He looked at Q wide eyed, his mouth gaping like a fish. “Really?”

“What? You saw me do this yesterday, shouldn’t be a surprise today,” Q said with a straight face before the corner of his mouth edged up into a smile. “You could come untie my ankles, which are still attached to this bloody chair.” 

Bond smiling from ear to ear stepped over the two dead bodies to stride towards Q, wrapping his arms around the younger man before kissing him soundly. “You really are bloody amazing. When did you load that encrypted code messenger system on my phone? And that move where you knocked her backwards… I really want to know what other secrets you have?” he stood, now that Q was untied, leaning over his shoulder and whispered into the hollow below his ear before brushing the tattooed oval with his lips, then his teeth. 

“If I told you all my secrets, then I’d have to kill you,” Q laughed as he bent his neck trying to dislodge Bond’s teeth from his skin. He wasn’t actually kidding. 

Just then Eve burst through the door, gun drawn, but quickly standing down when she saw Bond and Q on the other side of the room. “Guess you didn’t need these then?” She held up Q’s holsters with his small sidearms. 

Q smirked, “I improvised. Someone needed to save Bond.” 

007 rounded on Eve, “So you knew he could do this all along?”

Eve smiled, “I’ve seen his whole file, remember Bond?” 

“What else can he do?” James asked narrowing his eyes at Eve.

“Classified,” Q whispered, leaning in to kiss James on the cheek. 

“Classified, my arse,” James complained. 

“Your arse isn’t classified.” Q smirked. Then trying to stand, he suddenly wobbled on his feet, realized now that the adrenaline that had been sustaining him was wearing off that the crack he had taken to the head earlier in the day was making him dizzy, especially with the spattered blood now all over the room around them. 

James caught him as his knees started to buckle. “Q?” 

“I’m okay…” Q grimaced, lifting his hand to the back of his head. Both cheekbones now bruised, bruises around his wrists from the ties they had used on him at the beginning he was looking a bit worse for wear. 

Eve stepped up to reach through James arms which held Q from behind insisting on a hug, “Q, I’ve missed you terribly. You horribly reckless genius.” 

Q leaned his chin forward onto Eve’s shoulder and reached around to hug her back, then quickly reached back to hold James’ arms in place as James tried to step back from Eve and Q. “I’ve missed you too,” he smiled, then let her go and turned his head to look back at Bond who’s hands were still on his hips, “take me home,” he said quietly to James as Eve now stepped back. 

“Right, you should know we’ve made a bit of a mess in the warehouse as we were trying to search through everything…” James thought he should warn him. 

“Not Berlin.” Q clarified, “London. I want to go back to London.” 

James smiled in relief, turning Q in his arms to hold him close. Q let himself go lax against the broad chest of the man in front of him feeling James squeeze him tight. “Let’s get the cats,” James whispered into his ear before turning his chin down to Q’s, a soft kiss against Q’s injured mouth. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: Getting kidnapped is rather unpleasant. Good thing the bad guys really are usually idiots. 

I’ve never felt more relieved to see 007 run through a door holding guns in his hands. And I’ve never felt happier to be going home then I am right now, but I know when this adrenaline finally wears off I’m probably going to be a mess about this. I can already feel it starting. I could see the fear in James’ face just behind the anger as he came in after me and I don’t ever want to see that look in his eyes again. Enough. It’s finally done. 

~~~


	43. London Calling

Chapter 43: London Calling 

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: Q is on his way back to London!!!! I’ve heard the news from S who overheard it from Tanner in the elevator. Thank god! I really don’t want to do this job anymore.  
– R (acting quartermaster) 

~~~

Q was beyond exhausted, and likely had a concussion after his short stint as a kidnap victim, even if he had actually managed to make everyone else the victim by the time James had arrived, but he was insistent on getting back to London as quickly as possible, ready to put all that had happened in Berlin behind him. “You’ll have to drive,” he handed James the keys to the DB10 that Q had parked in the warehouse. 

James mouth dropped open at the sight of the car that Q had hidden under a tarp, “Q, where did you…” Then he stopped, it wasn’t worth the question, Q would just give him that sarcastic look so James just took the keys and opened the door for Q. 

The cats were loaded in the back, and Eve was going to make sure everything else got cleaned out or packed up and shipped home, helping James and Q make a quick exit. 

“Thanks Eve,” James kissed her on the cheek. 

“Take care of him,” she winked at James. 

“Of course I will, that’s what I do,” Q answered from the front seat thinking Eve was talking to him. 

“He’s not wrong,” Eve said to James as he shook his head and rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, but it’s definitely my turn this time.” James said quietly, then climbed in to the driver’s seat starting up the DB10, smiling as the engine purred to life. 

Q slept much of the car ride back, his right cheek turned and pressed to the seat, his face relaxed, his mouth slightly open as he faced James. His hand had slid over to James’ lap early in the trip, his fingers curled around James’ thigh and James spent most of the trip with his hand covering Q’s as he drove. Occasionally he squeezing Q’s fingers to remind himself that Q was actually there beside him, reassured each time Q curved his fingers in response. And if James wiped a few tears from his eyes, giving in to the emotions as he processed what had happened in the past few days and the reality that he had nearly lost Q today, well no one would ever know because Q never opened his eyes to catch him, and for that James was grateful. 

As they approached the south of London James squeezed Q’s hand a bit more firmly trying to rouse him from his sleep. “Q, we are almost to London. Where do you want to go?” 

“Home,” Q murmured still mostly asleep. 

“MY home?” James asked. “Or the Greenwich warehouse? Because we can’t go to your old flat.” 

Q opened his eyes just a bit more processing James’ comment in his still half asleep state. “Oh that’s right.” He leaned closer to James, his hand coming up from James’ thigh to wrap across his waist, his head pressed to his shoulder. He’d climb into James’ lap if he wasn’t seat belted in. “Then your place.” Q was always especially cuddly when he was sleepy. 

James just nodded. Pulling into the underground garage, he quickly unbuckled Q’s seat belt and got him out of the car and up to the main floor. “Come on Q, let’s put you to bed.” 

“Come to bed with me,” Q said out of habit, he pulled on James’ hand as James led him to the bedroom, his eyes still half closed. The duvet still on the floor from the many weeks before, Q reached down to pull it up and over himself as he climbed onto the bed groggily. 

“I will, but I have to get the cats. I’ll leave everything else until morning.” James said with an endearing chuckle. Then he spotted the envelope on the floor, the letter he had missed all those week before. He reached down to retrieve it. 

“Mmmm, ‘kay,” Q hummed. Then let himself go limp against the pillows, only thing he had managed to take off was his shoes. 

James held the letter in his hand, looking at the scrawled “James” on the front of the envelope in Q’s handwriting. He tucked it into his back pocket determined to actually read it. 

~~~

When Q woke up, the sun was beating in through the window and he was under the big white duvet, his head hurt and he scrunched his nose making his forehead tighten trying to relieve the pain, feeling like he had a massive hangover. Then he realized he was only wearing his pants and suddenly had a flash back to the very same moment over a year ago, waking up in this bed, under this very duvet mostly undressed, with an actual hangover. But this time he realized he wasn’t alone, as he felt the weight of the body next to him, and felt the breath against the back of his neck. Q curled his back tucking himself in tighter, feeling James’ arm tighten around him. In their sleep everything between them was just as it always was and it gave Q hope. 

With the Russian cell now eliminated he and James were both finally free but Q didn’t know what that would mean yet. There were still so many things unsaid between them, and so much time had passed, that right now he just wanted to live in this moment, to feel James close. But as Q slowly tested his aching muscles pressing gently back against the warm firm form behind him it struck Q that while he may have been in only his pants, with no memory of actually taking off his clothes, James was dressed, t-shirt and pyjama bottoms covering all of him. Q slowly turned in James arms wanting to press himself closer, wanted the smell of James’ skin in his nose and as James felt him snuggle closer he subconsciously wrapped both of his arms around him, tucking Q’s face into his neck intent to hold him tight. Q sighed, content to stay like this for as long as James would hold him, he’d rather postpone any conversations they needed to have as long as possible and the warm musky smell of James’ neck, the stubble of his jaw, the weight of his arms, and the breadth of his chest all pulled Q into a little cocoon and for the first time in a very long time Q felt safe, and at home. 

It was James who would wake next, Benji sniffing at his ear as he purred, wanting someone to get up to feed him. James didn’t realize it was a cat until he felt the whiskers, opening his eyes in surprise to see Benji’s green eyes looking at him intently. “Shoo,” James said quietly making Benji meow at him and getting both Penny and Ellie’s attention as they woke up from spots at the bottom of the bed. James raised his head just enough to look down the length of the duvet and then shook his head at the sight, not quite sure how this had become his life as six feline eyes all stared at him. “Later,” he said to all of them as Benji high stepped down James’ shoulder heading down to see what Penny was doing, pushing his head against her as she used her front paw to pull him down beside her, intent to bathe him. 

James felt Q hum in his sleep and paused, realizing how the two of them now lay entwined, finding each other in the quiet and he let himself enjoy it for a very long moment before finally waking Q up. He nuzzled his chin down into Q’s short hair, kissing the top of his head as he squeezed him even closer before easing back, his arms going slack and his shoulders moving back so he could look down at the man who now wrapped his arms tightly around his waist and seemed intent to cling like a koala, Q’s leg slipping up and over James’ knee to wrap around him. Q hadn’t yet opened his eyes. He really didn’t want to. 

“Q?” James whispered his name, leaning forward to brush his lips against Q’s hairline. “Are you awake?” 

“Can I say no?” Q said, his voice a bit rough. 

“If you want to,” James replied, “but you’ve sort of already given yourself away.” 

Q opened his eyes slowly, looking up as he tilted his chin towards James, searching for the ice blue eyes that he hoped would reflect back what he was feeling. For a long moment, they simply held each other’s gaze, so much said with just the look they shared. Q finally broke the silence between them, desperate to lean up and kiss the mouth that was so close to his, but he didn’t have the courage for that yet. “Good morning,” he offered instead. 

“Good morning,” James replied with a chuckle, his eyes crinkling with laugh lines as he smiled. 

Q didn’t honestly know what to say next. So he didn’t say anything. Instead he ducked his head, resting it momentarily against James’ collarbone before pulling his leg back, and reluctantly giving up his koala tree hold on the man who had let his hands fall away, gently signaling that Q should perhaps back up a bit. Q eased himself back, until he could lie beside him, nervously swallowing hard before once again raising his chin to let his gaze find James’. 

“I read the letter,” James said. His eyes were suddenly cloudy, his face agitated. 

“Right, apparently we are going to start right in” Q murmured as he processed what James said and his eyes immediately went wide with concern. “When? I thought you said you didn’t have it.” 

“I found it on the floor last night after you pulled up the duvet. I wish I had found it sooner.” 

Q nodded, “because then you would have understood.”

“No,” James interrupted, “because then I would have had a clue where to start looking for you.” 

“But…” Q stammered. 

James took a big breath, he had rolled onto his back, his hands crossed over his sternum and he looked now from the ceiling back at Q. “I get it Q. I understand why you did what you did. But I’m still mad as hell that you took the risk.” 

“I know,” Q concurred, ducking his head. “I just didn’t know what else to do.” 

James rolled onto his side, reaching over with one hand to reach for Q’s, lacing their fingers together. “Well, I could make you a list of other things you could have done. But the only reason it would be useful to dredge up what happened would be to make sure you learn from it and know to never do it again. But I’m sincerely hoping that isn’t something we ever need to talk about.” 

Q felt his ire peak a bit at James’ pedantry. He wanted to offer his typical snarky response about the fact that there wasn’t much that Q needed to “learn” from anyone. But he bit his tongue. If James was actually willing to put this behind them, then Q could keep his mouth shut, because Q was in this for the long game and he knew well enough to leave it alone. “No, that isn’t something we need to talk about.” Q repeated. 

James squeezed Q’s hand before letting it go, rolling again to his back, his eyes returning to the ceiling, both men quiet, neither knew how to do this. And then James turned to him again, his eyes glassy. “I honestly didn’t ever think I was going to wake up and find you beside me again.” 

Q reached for James’ arm pulling it up, immediately climbing back into James’ space. “I didn’t either,” he sighed. 

“Look at me,” James leaned up, looking down at Q. Q once again turned his face up. James reached over, his fingers tracing the bruises on both of Q’s cheeks, one bruise James had caused, the other from the people who very nearly took him from him permanently. “Your beautiful face,” James lamented. 

Q turned his mouth to catch James’ fingers, kissing them gently, “it’s nothing, I’ll heal.” Then Q smiled, “you normally come home looking much worse then this.” 

James chuckled, “still not okay.” 

Q didn’t know when or if they would eventually pick at all the details of what had happened in the last months, but he was feeling slightly bolder. The kiss he had placed on James’ fingertips had made James smile, and easing himself up on his elbows Q slowly brought his mouth to James’ giving him plenty of opportunity to turn away or to stop him. But he didn’t. And ever so gently Q initiated a kiss, an offering, a request, deepening it warmly when James relaxed below him, his hands coming up to hold the back of Q’s arms, encouraging him. 

Sex had been something they were always good at, it was an easy form of communication between them, and Q suddenly felt emboldened, wanting the connection, wanting the reassurance. He’d offer himself to James, he’d show James how much he meant to him. He’d encourage James, and as they kissed, Q shifted himself up, straddling James’ hips with his legs. “I want you,” he whispered against his ear lobe as he broke the kiss to catch his breath, rubbing his body down over the body below him. “Please tell me you still want me too.” 

“Q,” James’ hissed, his hands sliding to Q’s hips to stop him. “Stop.” 

Q went still. His seduction rejected. “Right,” he caught James’ eyes only for a second before ducking his head, his eyes flitting away, “sorry,” he quickly climbed off, putting distance between them. “Right…” he said again as he shook his head trying to clear it as he sat up uneasily, pulling his knees up, drawing the duvet up over his legs, his boldness immediately sapped, realizing he shouldn’t assume James would forgive him so quickly. “I shouldn’t have…” he waved his hand to dismiss what had happened, not able to look at James out of embarrassment. “I’m sorry.” Benjamin now quickly at Q’s knee, Q reached out to grab the cat pulling him close, burying his face in his fur avoiding James’ eyes.

“No,” James sat up beside him, “that’s not it.” 

“That’s not it what?” Q asked lifting his forehead, barely looking up, his nose still buried in Benji’s neck. 

“I can’t.” James laid back, his hand coming over his eyes in despair. 

“You can’t? What do you mean you can’t?” Q asked confused, feeling tension returning between them as the cat pushed away and Q quickly hugged his knees closer. 

“There is no way you watched all the hours of what they did to me Q.” James said without lifting his hand from his eyes. 

“No, I didn’t… I couldn’t.” Q felt his chest tighten. “I created a program that made a transcript so I’d be able to read all they asked and what you said…” Q looked over and saw James’ chest rise and fall heavily “But I watched a lot…” Before he finally asked, “James, what…did they… do?” Q asked very slowly. 

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” he said quickly, then when Q stayed quiet James dropped his hand from face looking at him, “… at least not yet,” he added seeing the concern on Q’s face. “The doctors think I’ll be okay, that eventually…” James heaved a sigh as he stopped talking again, sitting up scrubbing his hands over his face. 

“Okay,” Q said quietly, “whenever you want to tell me.” He nodded trying to offer James reassurance for exactly what he didn’t know but immediately worried him. Q quickly sorted things in his mind when one piece fell into place, “James, is that why I’m undressed and you are not?” Q asked quietly. “Did you undress me? I don’t remember doing it.” 

James dropped his hands from his face and looked at Q. “Yes,” he nodded just slightly. “I wanted you close to me.” Then he looked away again, “it was selfish of me, I shouldn’t have, but I wanted to be able to touch you, to remember...”

“It’s okay,” Q tried to reassure him, he wanted to reach out and touch him but now felt like he couldn’t. 

“But it’s going to take some time, the scars I have…” James started, looking over at Q briefly, “I didn’t want you to wake up to them.” 

Q nodded, looking at his knees again, balancing his forehead there for a moment, then when he looked up and saw the expression on James’ face, the insecurity, the clear fear of rejection, Q unbent himself and immediately came up on his knees to lean into James’ taking his face in his hands. “I…” but then he stopped. He didn’t actually know what to say. “I will do whatever you need, and we’ll take as long as it takes.” Q offered, hoping it didn’t sound as hollow as it felt. It wasn’t what he wanted to really say, but he didn’t know how to say anything else. 

James nodded. “I think we just need time.” 

Q nodded, then lay down beside James again who still sat beside him. Neither really knowing what to say and yet neither wanting to get up and face the day yet. Q replayed James’ comments over again in his head, landing on James’ admitting he had undressed Q because he was feeling selfish. And once again Q became very aware that he was lying there in nothing but his pants. “James, can I ask you a question.”

“That sincerely depends on the question,” he answered with a huff. 

“What happened the night you brought me back to your flat after the bar?”

James slowly turned his head to look at Q in surprise, “after everything we’ve been through in these past months you ask me about THAT? Why?”

“Because I’m laying here with a headache in nothing but my pants, and that very much reminds me of waking up here the first time after you rescued me from the bar. You undressed me that night too, but that time I woke up alone.”

“What do you remember?” James asked, curious to hear what Q thought had happened. 

“I only have a couple of hazy memories from that night, and if they are true I suspect I embarrassed myself.” Q shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose, his head really did still hurt. 

“It really wasn’t a big deal, I don’t remember anymore.” James tried to dismiss it. If Q really didn’t remember then it was probably better to leave it in the past. 

Q turned to look at James, “I don’t believe that for one moment. You have a mind like a steel trap. Which means it must have been really embarrassing if you are pretending you don’t remember.”

“Q…” James could see the look of consternation on Q’s face. He paused, “what hazy memories do you have?” he finally asked.

“I remember dancing in your living room with a toothbrush in my mouth, did that happen?”

“Yes,” James nodded, trying not to smile when he saw the look of horror on Q’s face when he confirmed it. “It was adorable.” 

Q just closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Did I tell you I had slept with six different men, and that since you were 007, that I wanted you to be the seventh?” 

James smirked. “Yes.” 

“Right.” Q pursed his lips and shook his head in dismay, covering his eyes with his hand in embarrassment. 

“Is that true?” 

“Is what true?” Q asked.

“Am I the seventh?” 

Q looked at James debating about what to say. “Yes.” He answered honestly. “What else did I say?” Q asked, uncertainty in his voice. 

“Q…” James shook his head. “Drunk conversations are always worth a grain of salt.” Ellie had now wandered up the bed and was trying to climb into James’ lap. Now that everyone was awake she felt the need to check in with her boyfriend.

“But I said enough to give you reason to come to my office and tell me you were bisexual and wanted to shag me on that following Monday.” 

“You know I was really disappointed when you left Saturday morning without a word and then wouldn’t reply to my texts and calls.” 

Q sighed. “I was mortified. I couldn’t face you. And I was horribly hungover. And you just deflected my comment about what else I said.” 

“No, I just gave you a vague answer.” James smirked, his hands scruffing up Ellie’s fur as she walked across his lap. “You said enough on Friday night, that I was hopeful on Saturday that when you sobered up we might have a chance at something. Then you disappeared. Bloody hell it was frustrating. You are much less reserved about your feelings when you are drunk, but I NEVER take advantage of someone when they can’t consent.” 

“Oh dear lord, did I by any chance offer to let you bugger me?” Q looked at him horrified.

James didn’t answer. 

“Oh bloody hell, I did didn’t I.” Q shook his head. 

James laughed. “Q, you really were so fucking adorable that night.”

“Tell me what happened.” 

“Do you really want to know?” 

“Yes,” Q insisted. 

James ran his hands over his short hair and then leaned back against the headboard, “well, let me see if I can remember the highlights.” 

Q sat up in bed the sheet and duvet pulled up around him. One knee up as he tucked his foot beside his hip, wrapping his arms around his leg as he perched his chin on his knee, folding the other leg around him, a flexible human pretzel. 

“Getting you out of the cab was a treat. I had to tip the driver an extra 50 quid to cover the cleaning.” 

Q dropped his forehead to his knee, looking down. “Apologies.” 

James just laughed. “No apologies necessary. I didn’t really like those shoes anyway.” James kept talking before Q could interrupt. “I had my arm wrapped around you as I helped you up the walk and as you realized where we were you said something like, ‘are we having a sleepover at your flat James?’” 

“I’ve always wanted to have a sleepover at your flat,” Q added, the memory slipping into place. 

James nodded. “Yes, you tend to ramble when you’re drunk. I just smiled and let you chatter away.” 

“Did I kiss you? I remember trying to kiss you on the sidewalk.” 

“You tried, but it landed on my cheek.” James grinned.

“Bad aim when I’m sauced.” Q lamented. 

“Better you missed actually, you had vomit breath. Didn’t want that to be our first kiss,” James teased him. 

“Oh god,” Q closed his eyes. “I’m so sorry.” 

“I managed to get us through the door and you were insistent that you wanted to take me to bed.” 

“But I didn’t know where your bedroom was did I.” Q didn’t ask any of this as questions. He was just stating what he was now remembering. 

“You kept reaching for my shirt buttons, as you went on about how much you’d always wanted me.”

Q just sighed and shook his head in shame. 

“But I already knew you had feelings for me, so drunk blathering didn’t matter.” James tried to console him.

“So how did I end up in only my pants in your bed alone?” 

James just looked at him and sighed. This one wasn’t so easy to answer. 

Q bypassed it moving forward, “I remember waking up and being relieved that my mouth didn’t taste like vomit. How did I end up brushing my teeth and dancing in your living room?”

James laughed. “I gave you an extra toothbrush, but then you heard the ring tone on my phone and you grabbed it and made me find the song to play.”

“Was it Donna Summer?” 

“Yep,” James grinned. 

“That’s the default ring tone Riley sets for all the agents to see if you know how to change it on your own. You never changed it did you?”

James dismissed Q’s dig at his tech skills. “regardless, after that you wandered around my flat brushing your teeth and flinging toothpaste everywhere. That should have been my first clue that you are diligent about dental hygiene. I can’t count how many times I’ve watched you walk around the flat with a tooth brush in your mouth since then.” 

“I’m so very sorry.” Q ran both hands though his hair as he dropped his head again in shame. 

“I actually thought you were starting to sober up, you sounded less slurry,” James chuckled. “But then you tried to brush my teeth with the same toothbrush after you tripped and fell back into my arms, mumbling something about fresh breath for both of us so we could snog, and I could tell by the look in your eyes that you still weren’t in control of what you were doing.” 

“You should have just put me straight to bed,” Q pursed his lips. “At least I would have stopped talking.” 

“I was trying too,” James smiled. “I eventually got you into my bedroom and you were starting to fall asleep at this point.”

“Thank god,” Q rolled his eyes. “At least I stopped talking.” 

James sighed, “You sat down on the bed trying to take off your own shoes but when you brought your head down below your knees and then sat up too quickly you got dizzy. You opted instead to fling your arms over your head and fall onto your back on the bed inviting me to be the one to take your clothes off.”

“You are being polite,” Q sighed, “my memory says I ordered you to disrobe me and then I suggested you suck my cock.” 

James guffawed, “well yes, you did say that.” James looked at Q intently for a second, “Is all of this just coming back to you now or have you been holding these memories for a while?”

“I’ve had pieces which I hoped weren’t true, but now it’s all coming back.” 

“You started snoring after you asked me suck your cock, so needless to say that didn’t happen.” 

Q laughed, “what a missed opportunity for me.” 

But then James got a more serious look on his face, “I should have just lifted your legs and tucked you in with your clothes on at that point. You wouldn’t have been the first person to wake up hungover in wrinkled trousers.” 

Q looked at James, “so why did you undress me?”

James shook his head and answered with a sigh, “I couldn’t help myself, I desperately wanted to touch you. I wanted a glimpse of your beautiful body. So I took your clothes off.” 

“You feel guilty about that…” Q could see it in James’ face. “Just like you feel guilty about undressing me last night. You said you thought you were being selfish.” 

James looked over and nodded. “Yes, I do. But I had imagined so many times about what you’d look like under those horrible cardigans and pinstriped trousers, and then that night you were wearing those painted on black jeans and that tight burgundy button down shirt. You caught me by surprise.” 

Q felt himself blush. “And…”

“And what?” James looked over again not understanding Q’s prodding. 

“And did you like what you found when you undressed me?” Q was smirking. 

James sighed, “God yes, you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.” 

Q smiled and shook his head in dismissal, “I find that hard to believe.”

“It’s true.” James grinned. 

Q blushed and looked away, “well, I’m glad this time I didn’t wake up alone.” 

James nodded. “Me too. I don’t ever want to wake up alone again.” 

Q leaned over and gently kissed James, “neither do I.” He rested his forehead briefly against James’. “But now we need to feed the felines before Benjamin starts to get into mischief. And I need some paracetamol. I do feel like I’m hungover.”

“And food, we both need food,” James added, “and then, I suppose we need to actually discuss all that has happened these past few months. MI6 is going to want the details and they aren’t going to wait forever.” 

~~~  
From Q’s personal notebook: For the first time in six months I woke up with James beside me and I would have done just about anything to just stay there, in that quiet warmth all morning. I haven’t felt that sense of peace in such a very long time. 

But bloody hell, we have so far to go. I was too bold, I should have known better and when he rejected me I felt a chasm open between us and I wished it would just swallow me whole. He says it’s because he can’t, and I don’t know what that means. He won’t tell me what happened to him, although I think I can speculate and I feel so very guilty. They fucking wanted me, not him and James paid the price. I don’t know what to do to help him. I would do anything. 

And then the memories of the first night I slept in this bed. After the bar. I suppose it could have been worse but I don’t think he told me everything. I have a memory of saying something to him that night that I haven’t said since. Maybe he doesn’t remember, or maybe I didn’t really say it, or maybe he’s saving me embarrassment by not reminding me. Someday I’ll say it again and he’ll understand how much I mean it. Things just feel so very fragile between us right now.  
~~~


	44. Repercussions

Chapter 44: Repercussions

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: 007’s tracker is pinging here in London, which must mean Q is back with him. Goal for today, clean up the office, update all mission files, put in for vacation. I’m going somewhere far away, where it is warm and sunny and there are no ego maniacal double 0 agents to pluck every last nerve I have. 

-R (acting quartermaster) 

~~~

Tanner honestly waited as long as he could, giving them four days before he called. “Q, we really need you to come in.” 

“Tanner, I don’t work for MI6 anymore.” Q shook his head as he ran his hand through his hair, tugging on the ends, missing the shaggier length, his habit to run his hands through his hair when he was stressed driving him crazy now that it was short. But it was already becoming unruly as Q had decided to let it grow, and he suspected it wouldn’t be long before James was teasing him for the crazy tufts that would undoubtedly begin to fall around his ears and across his forehead. 

James sat in the wing back chair in the living room watching Q pace the floor, listening to Q’s side of the conversation with a smirk on his face, he knew MI6 wouldn’t just let Q walk away, he was just surprised they gave them four days before pulling on the rope. 

“No, James and I aren’t pursuing any other operatives. There aren’t any other operatives left.” 

James raised his eyebrows at Q as he caught his eye, tilting his head sideways with a grin. 

“I’ll send my electronic files. You’ll have all the names and affiliations…” Q spun on his heel, heading for the kitchen. He needed a tea biscuit. “Tanner, you know I don’t do well with threats.” 

James’ ears pricked up at that one and he looked up at Benji who was sitting like a parrot on the back of the chair by his shoulder. Benji looked down at him, his ears were always pricked, hyper alert whenever Q was on the move. “Shall we go find him?” James said to Benji with a quirk of his mouth. Benji just slow blinked his big green eyes at him and then effortlessly jumped off the chair to pad his way to the kitchen, long tail held erect, the tip swishing like a question mark. 

“Eve can come collect the information, you don’t need me in the building to deliver it.” 

Then James heard the inevitable sigh and agreement. “Fine…but not until tomorrow.” Q put the phone down on the counter and hung his head, shaking it in frustration, one hand coming to the nape of his neck. 

James came up behind Q, leaning in to kiss him on the neck, stilling the fingers that were rubbing unconsciously on the tattooed bruise below his ear. “I’ll go with you.” James offered. 

Q whirled around, his hands immediately on James’ chest. “NO!” Then he lowered his head, resting his forehead against James’ sternum briefly before looking up, his green eyes earnest. “I don’t want you anywhere near MI6. Last thing they need is the opportunity to pull us both back in.” 

James just nodded, a little smile on his mouth as he leaned in to kiss Q gently, feeling Q’s breath against his lips as he pulled back. “Anymore tea biscuits?” he asked as he reached around Q, keeping him pinned between himself and the counter. 

Q sighed and wrapped his arms around James’ waist, letting his forehead fall to James’ shoulder as they stood there, James eating a hobnob, crumbs falling to Q’s shoulder then to the floor where Benji sat below them. “Fine… I know we said we’d do all of this together. You can come.” 

This had become their code since returning to London. Doing routine simple things as a reminder that simple things could be enough and to prevent the outside world from distracting them from each other. 

It had started three days ago as Q had been railing out loud about MI6 and their asinine policies while he stood in the bathroom brushing his teeth after breakfast, talking through his frothy toothbrush. James had come up behind him, reaching around him for the toothpaste, one arm on either side of Q as he looked over Q’s shoulder, putting paste on his own toothbrush. “James’ what the hell? Can you wait just a minute?” Q had spluttered. But James just pressed closer. Q’s hips pressed to the counter as James crowded him, so he could reach in to turn on the water in the sink and wet it before wrapping one hand around Q to hold him in place, the other now coming up to brush his teeth as they both watched this unfold in the bathroom mirror. Q finally chuckling as he shook his head, reaching up to finish brushing his own teeth, scrubbing briskly before saying, “fine, I’ll stop complaining,” having to quickly lean forward out of James’ grasp to catch the drool that now threatened to spill from his mouth making James’ laugh. 

The next day as James sat with the eReader in his hand, swiping aggressively through the various news headlines from The Guardian, ranting about terrorist attacks in Turkey, Q had rolled his eyes and with socks in his hand had gone over and plopped himself down sideways in James’ lap. One bare foot propped on the arm of the chair as he raised the other to slip his sock on over his toes. “Q?” James huffed, the eReader displaced to the floor when it slipped from James’ hand. But Q didn’t respond, he just placed his socked foot on the arm of the chair and raised his other foot, his knee just about cuffing James’ in the chin as he reached down to put on the other sock. James chuckled, “fine, no more newspapers today.” Q smiled and leaned down to place a kiss to James’ pouty bottom lip. 

It wasn’t that they didn’t talk. They did, they actively and purposefully talked about all sorts of things. They had spent most of their first full day back in London going through all of Q’s files, the two of them verifying who Q had tracked down and where, who had been connected to whom. Both asking questions and answering others as they filled in blank spaces for one another late into the evening, both finally smiling and nodding their heads, each convinced that indeed all the threads had been broken. They had climbed into bed together late that night, a hard earned sense of peace settling around them, as they finally gave in to the mental exhaustion of having to relive the names and faces of the people that had hoped to tear them apart. 

And then the next day, when James woke Q with the smell of a full English breakfast coming from the kitchen, they spent time talking about the personal side of things that had happened in the past six months. James still hadn’t let Q see his body, and Q didn’t push. He had clear memories of what James had looked like when they found him, his body battered and bleeding, and he knew James was still healing. Q had noticed more then once the pained look on James’ face when he turned too quickly, clear that his back and ribs were still bothering him, and when James didn’t think about it, he limped, his left knee and ankle still weak, his right hip still sore.

They had agreed they would share what they could about the details of what had happened, that James would talk and Q would listen, and then vice versa and that they both understood that when either of them went quiet, they had reached an impass that neither of them was ready yet to breach. 

But when it came to letting the outside world into their new found space it had been James who had first signaled the need for calm, for regular routine when anger and frustration threatened to flare. Mentally they both needed it, but especially James. He had been the one to default to making tea, to calmly brushing teeth, to plopping cats, depending on who was in arm’s reach, in Q’s lap and encouraging him to scratch fluffy tummies as they stretched and curled around eager fingers when Q started to rant about MI6, because they had agreed to block that out for now, to focus on each other for a while, to not let things outside of their control get in the way of the work they needed to do together, which was to heal, to talk, to listen, and eventually to touch, and that last part wasn’t really happening yet. 

The affection was there, they had no problem being in each other’s personal space. Hands touched passing in the kitchen, fingers entwined together on the couch. Mouths caressed available bare skin on wrists, and napes. Lips brushed cheeks, especially James’ lips over Q’s, regularly caressing one bruised cheekbone and then the other. Q had caught on and couldn’t help but whisper, “kisses won’t make the bruises heal faster you know.” 

“Maybe they will,” James had said with a quiet breath as he brushed his lips again over Q’s green hued lower jaw as they stood together in the kitchen, cleaning up after dinner. “But I’ll stop if it bothers you,” then James pulled back and looked at Q more directly, “or if it hurts. Does it hurt?” 

“No, it doesn’t hurt, and it doesn’t bother me, and I don’t want you to stop.” Q said earnestly, reaching up for James’ hand, which rested on his shoulder, linking their fingers together, bringing James’ knuckles to his own lips for a kiss. “And if you think kisses can make bruises heal, then tell me where I can kiss you to help you heal too.”

James face went dark and he pulled back and stood taller, backing away from Q. 

Q saw it immediately and reached for him, “I’m sorry. I’m not pushing.” 

James swallowed hard and closed his eyes, “I know,” he answered, then opened his eyes to look at Q, his face still shuttered. “But my bruises have long ago faded. A kiss can’t fix what still needs to heal.” 

Q just nodded and let James step back, his retreat becoming a habit whenever the possibility of real intimacy snuck into the space between them. He could feel the emptiness and longed to pull James close again, convince him that everything was going to be all right, but he wasn’t even sure he knew what that meant at this point. Because while neither hesitated to show easy affection during the day, each night sleeping together was an ongoing negotiation. 

After that first morning when Q had woken with James beside him but then had been rebuffed, Q wasn’t at all sure where the boundaries were. Q had hesitated at the end of their long day reviewing files, eyeing the couch with expectation but James had seen Q’s glance and quickly he leaned in to kiss him then took his hand. Q was too tired to question and honestly followed James to bed out of pure exhaustion, all three cats climbing into bed with them looking for places to claim. James had quickly pulled him close, tucking Q’s back to his chest and they had slept soundly, but there had been no effort to undress the other beyond stripping to t-shirts and both finding pyjama bottoms. 

The next night however was more difficult. The day had been fraught with challenging conversation, James trying to help Q understand how he had managed to hold on all those months and what he had gone through, Q trying once again to make James understand why he had left. It had been an emotionally difficult day, neither man known for being particularly forthcoming with their feelings, but both feeling a sense of obligation to try. That evening after dinner when James had pulled back from Q in the kitchen, Q’s comment about kissing bruises making James retreat, Q now once again found himself hesitating when the evening grew late and choices had to be made. And once again James took his hand and led him to the bedroom. “Sleep here with me,” James said, stepping through the doorway, letting Q’s hand go as he entered the room. 

Q voiced his hesitancy. “Are you sure?” 

“Absolutely,” James turned to sit on the bed. “I know I’m sending mixed signals. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Q interrupted.

“I do want you.” James said ignoring Q’s interruption. 

Q’s eyes went wide as James now paused, “you do?” 

James sighed, “of course I do.” Then he eased himself back on to the bed, until he lay flat on his back. “I’d love it, as a matter of fact, if you would come to bed wearing nothing. If you’d let me touch you, if you’d let me have you, even if I can’t let you do the same.” Then he eased himself up onto his elbows to look at the young man who stood just a few feet away.

Q pursed his mouth briefly, shaking his head slowly, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

“Please…” James said quietly. 

Q furrowed his brow in concern, reading the expression on James’ face, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth but holding James’ gaze with his own as he reached across his waist and tugged his shirt up over his head baring his chest. Then quickly unbuttoned his jeans as he took a step closer to James, pushing them down his hips. He shimmied the rest of the way out of his jeans, standing now in only his bright red pants. “But if it’s what you want…”

“It is what I want,” James sighed with true affection before Q noticed the deeper hints of desire in his voice as James reached for him. “Good color by the way… are you leaving these on?” He sat up in front of Q, his hands coming to Q’s waist as he pulled him to stand between his own opened legs leaning in to place a kiss to Q’s muscled stomach. He felt Q’s body react, a shiver racing through him that made him quiver beneath James’ hands and lips and he leaned in again, holding him close. 

Q’s voice was half an octave higher then normal, his heart starting to race. “I think I’ll leave them on for now, and perhaps you can decide if they come off once we climb into bed.” 

“Mmm,” James hummed his response, brushing his nose over Q’s tummy again as he ran his hands down Q’s flanks and back up before gripping his hips to push him back a step. “Why don’t you climb in and I’ll join you in a minute.” James turned off the light as he stepped into the bathroom and when he came out and quickly climbed into bed Q knew James was dressed in pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt, and he realized he really would be the only one baring any skin again tonight. 

However before Q could protest, James immediately found Q’s mouth with his own, a deep kiss as he pressed Q back to the bed. Q’s hands reached for James’ shoulders as James quickly ran his hands over Q’s bare limbs. Q tried to relax, focusing on the feel of James weight pressing into him, his hands, his mouth that had already found it’s way to Q’s neck, shoulders, collarbones, chest. But Q didn’t know how to respond, he didn’t feel like he could touch him in return and his hands felt useless. Q raised his arms, threading his fingers into his own hair to give them purchase, closing his eyes, letting James make all the decisions. 

James lost himself in the sense memories of Q’s body. The feel of his skin under his hands and mouth, the lines of muscle, the knobs of bony joints, the divets and scars that James knew by heart. The clean citrusy smell of Q’s body, from his favorite soap, that gave way to a warmer muskier scent as James brushed his nose under Q’s arms, the taste of his flesh beneath his tongue and lips. He could feel Q’s heart beat race under his hand as he pressed it to Q’s chest, James’ mouth gliding lower finding the trail of dark hair below Q’s navel, brushing his nose along the line as his mouth drug over the fabric that still separated the two of them. James’ fingers found Q’s waistband, slipping inside to tug but when he felt Q take a quaking breath above him, he looked up and saw one of Q’s hands tugging tightly in his own hair, the other covering his face as he heaved another breath and James stopped. He lay between Q’s legs, his own ribs bracketed by Q’s knees which he noticed shook slightly now that James paused, his elbows holding him up on either side of Q’s narrow hips. “Q?” 

“What?” Q answered not moving his hands. He was doing what he could to stay still. 

“Are you okay?” James pulled himself forward and higher until they were nearly chest to chest. 

Q dropped his hands and threw his head back to the pillow, “I’m trying.” 

“Trying to what? This isn’t working for you?” James could feel Q go suddenly loose below him, his legs dropping open, knees falling to the bed as Q sighed in frustration. 

“Oh it’s working. You can’t feel that it’s working?” Q lifted his hips to brush his obvious erection against James. 

James smiled and chuckled, Q was going stroppy and it was always rather fun when Q went stroppy. “But?” 

Q raised his knees and then used his heels to push himself higher on the bed, up and away from James so he could push up onto his elbows to look at the man who still lay half sprawled on top of him. “But I don’t know what to do.” 

“What do you mean? You don’t have to do anything. You are just supposed to be enjoying this.” James found Q’s belly button just below his chin and leaned down to kiss it, keeping his eyes on Q. 

“I can’t.” Q squirmed his way out from under James, pulling his legs up in front of him as he now sat beside him, as James dropped his head to the bed in frustration. 

“Why not?” James asked. His voice muffled in the mattress. 

“Because I don’t want this to be only about me. Sex should never be about just one person. Unless maybe one of us was a prostitute and if there is money exchanged I guess.” 

James turned his head to look at Q, his cheek still on the mattress. “What?”

“But we are not, you are not,” Q was flustered his hands waving, “never mind, not the point. The point is I don’t want this to be just about me.” 

“It’s not.” James said quietly.

“IT IS!” Q protested. “You getting me off, me nearly naked, you still dressed. This is all about me, and I don’t want it like that.” 

“It’s not,” James said again.

“JAMES!” Q was frustrated. 

James levered himself up onto his elbows, his head hanging loose between his shoulders for a moment before he raised it to look at Q. “I need this too.” 

“I don’t understand,” Q started, “two mornings ago you said you couldn’t do this. And now this is happening, but your still dressed and I don’t feel like I can even touch you. So help me understand what is going on.”

James sighed and then nodded rolling to his back, opening his arm to encourage Q to come closer. “Come here.” 

Q unfolded himself and eased his body down beside James. “Tell me,” he said quietly.

James turned his face upward, talking to the ceiling would be easier. He didn’t think he wanted to see Q’s face as he explained. “The Russians were rather brutal.” James said and then stopped as he tried to figure out where to start. “They knew we were lovers, and when I wouldn’t tell them anything they decided to try to get information by threatening to make sure you and I could never be lovers again.” 

Q stayed quiet, his blood running cold. 

“After what happened years ago, when Vesper and I were taken…” James paused again. “Let’s just say this time they crushed rather then flogged.” James felt Q’s hand tighten in the fabric of his t-shirt. “I probably should have started this by telling you that the doctor’s say everything is actually okay. I’m still whole…” James risked a glance at Q and saw the look on Q’s face. He offered a small smile, “you know… just to ease your mind. All parts are intact, I’m not a eunuch.” He swallowed and turned his head back to the ceiling, he didn’t want to see the guilt in Q’s eyes. “It took a surgery, but according to the urologist everything works. Everything SHOULD work.” James clarified. 

Q waited but James didn’t say anything else. “But it’s not,” Q finally said quietly.

James squeezed Q’s shoulder, flexing his arm around Q in false bravado, “oh you know, urologist says give it time. Psychologist says it’s all in my head now.” 

Q rolled in towards James, leaning up on his elbow. “So you hoped seducing me and getting me to react would get you to react? That’s why you said you need this too?” 

“Yes,” James said, not looking at Q. 

“Did it work?” Q cautiously asked. 

James actually chuckled, turning to look at Q, balancing his head on his own bent arm, “well we didn’t get far enough for me to find out. But I was definitely enjoying it.” 

“Sorry,” Q huffed, rolling onto his back and covering his face with his hands, “Sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize.”

“If I had known,” Q sighed, “if you had told me.” 

“Mmm,” James nodded, “yes, well it’s not an easy thing to admit.” 

Both men lay quietly side by side. Q finally saying, “thank you.”

“For what?” James huffed. 

“For telling me.” 

James didn’t reply. 

Q finally sat up besides James, his mind going a million miles an hour as he processed everything. “I told you I would do whatever you need, if you want to try again...” 

James chuckled, “not tonight.” 

“Right,” Q sighed, then curled down next to James as he opened his arms again, inviting Q close. “Maybe tomorrow.” 

“Maybe tomorrow,” James said quietly, leaning over to kiss the top of Q’s head gently, instead finding Q’s mouth raised quickly to meet his, a sweet lingering kiss offered. 

Q settled in beside James, but his mind was very awake now and he was fidgety. 

“Stop thinking Q,” James admonished him. 

“Sorry,” Q whispered. He was suddenly feeling rather obvious lying there nearly completely undressed. “Let me up for a minute. I want to find pyjamas.” 

“Absolutely not.” James curled his arm around Q, his hand brushing up and down his bare skin. “Please…” 

Q rolled his eyes. “Please doesn’t always work you know.” 

“I know, I’ve said it to you a hundred times when I’ve wanted equipment, it’s actually never worked.”

“But it bloody well seems to work now,” Q sighed, pulling the duvet up higher, his bare back feeling the chill in the room. 

“I’ll use it sparingly,” James promised, then rolled Q closer to kiss him again, “but please, don’t put on any more clothes tonight.” 

~~~

James woke up before Q, feeling the chill on his feet when he realized that sometime in the night Q had rolled away and taken all of the duvet with him. Q was wrapped in it like a burrito, no sign of his green-eyed boyfriend to be spotted. All three cats were curled around Q taking advantage of the warmth leaving James to his own cold side of the bed. 

He looked at Ellie and raised his eyebrows at her as she raised her head to slow blink at him. “Even you? You could have at least kept my head warm.” Ellie just yawned and put her head back down, curled behind Q’s neck, or at least that’s what part James thought it was based on the shape of the lump inside the duvet. 

Climbing from the bed James headed for the bathroom, starting water for the shower, then tugging off his t-shirt and pyjama bottoms, studying himself in the mirror first. The scars along his ribs where already faded to silver, the stitch marks from the surgeries he had when Q had brought him home were no longer angry red dots and lines, but pink, no longer as obvious. The deeper injuries, where the trackers had been removed, that James kept opening while he was being held were still the worst. The scars were lumpy and still sore. The surgeon had offered, once James was feeling up to it, to do a minor procedure to smooth them out, but James wasn’t sure he’d ever have that done. He had always considered his scars as important reminders of what had happened to him in his life, and this was a very important reminder. 

He ran his hands down his chest and over his sides aware of every pain and weakness, frowning at his reflection in the mirror. Gently he ran his hands down between his legs, rolling his balls in his fingers, sighing and shaking his head. Every day he woke up hoping to find what most men found generally to be an annoyance, a morning erection, and yet so far nothing. 

He looked again at the door to the bedroom knowing Q was still asleep on the other side of it, and frowned again. Three nights now he had Q back in his bed, last night he even had him under his hands and while his mind desperately desired him, his body wasn’t yet ready to respond and James was more frustrated then ever. James had thought his lack of response these past two months had been for lack for stimulus, his worry about Q, the absence of Q from his life. But now he had the most potent stimulus he could imagine sharing his bed again and it wasn’t working. Not knowing how much time this would take and what it would mean for the two of them if James never fully recovered was something he couldn’t even begin to contemplate. The idea of losing Q again scared him to death. James knew many defined him by his sexuality, by his prowess, or at least perceived prowess in the bedroom, and now he wondered what would happen if he lost that part of his identity. He wanted to believe that Q would stay because the idea of Q with anyone else made him murderous. “Time,” he mumbled to himself, repeating the mantra the psychologist had said over and over. “Fucking time.” Then he turned in frustration away from the mirror climbing into the shower, mumbling to himself, “but when was the last time I’ve ever taken anything a psychologist has said seriously. God damn it.” 

~~~

Two hours later Q emerged in the living room, rumpled with the duvet still wrapped around him, three cats trailing behind him, spotting James freshly shaved and dressed. 

“Morning,” James said with an effort at a smile, he didn’t honestly feel like smiling. 

“It is indeed morning, that is true.” Q grumped his way to the kitchen to find food and tea, but not necessarily in that order. He didn’t emerge again until he had drunk two cups of earl gray and could face the day. The duvet now draped around him like a toga. “Do you think we could turn up the heat in here? I’m a bit cold.” Q headed for the thermostat. 

James just nodded, continuing to sort mail on the coffee table. It took him a few minutes until he finally caught sight of Q out of the corner of his eye. He had dropped the duvet on the floor and was heading back to the kitchen to collect his breakfast, hearing the toaster pop up, wearing only his red pants. James looked twice, then snickered and shook his head before going back to the mail. He knew exactly what Q was doing and decided he’d see how long this would last. Because if Q wanted to walk around in his pants James wasn’t going to complain, maybe it would actually help. 

Q came back in with his plate in one hand and a cup of tea in the other, sitting down besides James on the couch, propping his bare feet on the table near the mail James had sorted for recycling. James let his eyes wander up Q’s ankles, along his sinewy strong calves and beyond his rounded knees to his lean thighs before he finally shifted his eyes more quickly up to Q’s face unsure what expression he’d find and trying to keep his own expression neutral. 

Q just smiled and thrust out his plate in James direction, “toast? I made extra. Although there is no black currant jam.” 

“I’ll pick some up at the store later,” James said, “and no thank you, I already ate.” He turned his attention back to the mail, Q’s obvious efforts to arouse him making him edgy. He watched Q cross his ankles, and then his feet shift back and forth as he flexed his toes, clearly trying to get James’ attention. He looked up again at Q and raised his eyebrows. 

“Am I in your way?” Q asked, a piece of toast half way to his mouth. “I can move.” 

“No, no,” James answered, reaching out to place his hand on Q’s ankle, caressing the tendon on the back of his foot. “Please stay, I’m enjoying the view.” He saw Q blush nearly immediately and snickered. His cock might not be functional, but James Bond was still capable of winning a game of seduction and he was determined to play the game until Q acknowledged what he was trying to do and given how much conflict James now found himself in, he was more then willing to taunt Q a bit. Finished with the mail James stood to clear the table, offering to take Q’s plate to the kitchen. “More toast? Or more tea?” James asked with a smile. 

“No, I’m good thank you,” Q smiled. Then sighed as he watched James walk into the kitchen. His hopes that James would find him irresistible this morning weren’t playing out as he planned. He wasn’t feeling confident enough to be even more overt, and now he felt a bit silly and a bit stuck.

The two sat on either end of the couch for the next hour, Q reading the latest issue of digital coders magazine on his eReader, James sorting emails on his laptop. Eleanor asleep on the back of the cushion, Penelope and Benjamin chasing each other from one end of the flat to the other, both men ignoring the sounds of calamity in this awkward stand off they had established. James could see Q regularly look over to check on James, but he didn’t make eye contact. 

The flat was starting to get quite warm and James was starting to feel overdressed, but unlike Q, he was less inclined to wander the flat in his pants. So when Q wasn’t looking James turned the thermostat back down, wondering how long it would take Q to notice. After about thirty minutes as the flat started to cool, James saw Q slide further down on the couch, curling in a bit, his knees now bent in front of him as he turned sideways, his feet towards James end of the couch, clearly trying to minimize surface area and stay warm, pulling Eleanor off the back of the couch to use her as a hand warmer. But Q didn’t complain, and James didn’t say anything. He really was truly enjoying the view of Q sitting there on display for him, even if it wasn’t having a damn bit of effect on his cock which was frustrated him to no end. When he saw Q rub his hand over his other arm, clearly trying to warm up a bit James couldn’t help himself, “would you like a blanket Q? You look a bit cold. Or I could fetch the other cats to pile on top. I think they’ve finally settled in for a nap somewhere, I don’t hear Benji banging around in the bedroom anymore.” 

“No, no, I’m fine,” Q smiled, stretching his legs towards James, edging his toes under the side of James’ leg. “Is this okay?” 

“Of course,” James smiled, his hand coming down to stroke over Q’s feet before returning to the e-mail he was writing. He would do this for as long as Q would let him.

James gave him another twenty minutes before he upped the challenge. “We need groceries, I’m making a list. Do you want to come with me to Tesco’s?”

Q looked at him and opened his mouth to answer, then shut it again without saying a word, looking down at himself then looking up at James in consternation. 

“I know you’re not really dressed to go out today, I’m okay running the errands alone if you’d rather not put on trousers.” 

Q sighed and reached over for the duvet James had now perched on the back of the couch having rescued it from the floor on his last trip to the kitchen. “No, of course I can put on trousers. As well as a shirt, jacket, socks and shoes. I’m fully capable of dressing. I’ll come along.” He answered, climbing from the couch, wrapping the duvet physically around himself, a clearly disappointed pout on his face as he tried to figuratively wrap himself in his pretend nonchalance. He was halfway to the bedroom when he paused and turned back, “James?” 

“Yes?” James answered then was met with silence so he prompted him, “what is it?” 

“Nothing,” Q said a bit despondently before turning back towards the bedroom. 

James rolled his eyes, this was getting ridiculous, just yesterday they had agreed they’d work on communicating more clearly with one another and already this was happening. “Q,” James stood, following him into the bedroom.

“What?” Q turned in surprise, finding himself pulled tight into James’ arms a kiss pressed to his mouth. 

Finally pulling back James said with a chuckle as he ran his hands down Q’s bare back. “I just want you to know I really do appreciate the effort, you can feel free to wander the flat in your pants whenever you like.” 

“But…” Q now blushed, “you never even…”

“You really think it didn’t affect me?” James shook his head, “of course it affected me Q. You never walk around in a state of undress like this. But I also know full well why you are doing it.” 

“You do?”

“Mmm, hoping visual stimulation might override the psychological block holding back my recovery. If you tempt me enough maybe you can fix me?” 

“No…” Q shook his head trying to deny it as his cheeks tinged pink.

“Really?” James raised his eyebrows. “You just decided to spend the day in your pants for something new? You started this habit in Germany perhaps?” 

“I…” Q started then stopped, the look on James’ face making him feel silly. “I just thought maybe it would help.” 

James nodded, “well, it certainly didn’t hurt.” He pulled Q close again, another kiss to his mouth. “But you do know there is a certain desensitization over time to stimuli like this don’t you?” 

“What do you mean?”

“The thrill wears off over time, it becomes the expected norm.”

Q pushed back on James shoulder and turned away grabbing his trousers, irritated. “The thrill wears off, “ he repeated in a huff. “Sorry I can’t offer more of a….”

“That’s not what I said,” James interrupted him. “I’m more than thrilled that you decided to treat me to such a view all morning. I’m just warning you that if you keep this up, you’re going to have to up your game if you want to keep getting my attention because I’ll get used to seeing you walk around in your pants. Full nudity comes next, and then what will you do? Maybe lingerie?” 

“I…” Q started again, he was blushing a deep shade of pink all down his neck and chest and didn’t know what to say.

James sat on the bed watching Q now pull on an Elbow concert t-shirt. “But, if you did this to try to elicit a response, which I know was your hope, I really wish you would have just suggested we head to the bedroom together and be intentional about it. I’d rather we not treat my erectile dysfunction like a science experiment.” 

“I…” Q sighed and stopped. “I didn’t mean to treat you like an experiment.” 

James sighed and nodded, “I know.” 

“I’m dressed now, shall we go to Tesco’s?” Q wanted to change the subject. 

“Sure,” James stood, “then when we come back, you can strip back to your pants and we can make out on the couch like teenagers. That seems like a much better experiment to me.” 

“Really?” Q said surprised.

“Yes, really.” James said, standing and heading for the kitchen. “I’m all for intentional effort now that you know what I’m dealing with, just don’t be disappointed if nothing happens.” 

Q grabbed his blue striped socks and his black tie shoes to follow James, “are you kidding? I wish you had said something sooner, making out on the couch sound rather marvelous actually.” 

But they never managed to get Q’s clothes off again that afternoon, although they did end up briefly on the couch together. Unfortunately that was quickly interrupted by the phone call from Tanner and the rest of the evening became conversations about MI6 and expectations. Both of them reviewing their files and stories to make sure they were in alignment. 

That night as they lay in bed together, Q tucked into James’ shoulder, his hand settled against James’ t-shirt covered chest, they talked about their necessary visit to MI6 the next day. “In and out, yes? You support me on that?” Q asked, trying to make his voice sound firm. 

James chuckled, his arm bouncing beneath Q’s cheek. “Sure, I support you on that. Doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.” 

Q rolled to his side coming up on his elbows beside James to look down at him in the pale light coming through the window. “Why not?”

James sighed, his eyes on the ceiling. “Because they are going to want more then just your files Q. They are going to want to debrief you, they’ll put you, and me probably, again, through a battery of psychological evaluations to determine your state of mind, the reliability of your answers, what other information they think you might be able to give them. You know that’s why we had to review everything again tonight, they’ll be looking to make sure our information lines up, that there aren’t inconsistencies.” He looked over at Q briefly, “you’ve seen my files of what happens when I would come back from a mission. You know this is protocol.” 

“But I don’t work for them. I’m not an agent. I wasn’t on assignment.” 

James just smirked, “won’t matter. You and I are still very much a part of the MI6 architecture Q. Neither of us can just walk away.” 

Q sighed and nestled closer, he wasn’t looking forward to this. “Well, if they had to create a Bond box for you on the psych forms, they can just make a Q box as well.” 

James chuckled, “I look forward to that. Now we should both try to get some sleep.” 

“Right,” Q huffed, “like that’s going to happen.” Then he sat up again and smiled looking down at James, “You could take off my clothes and we could…” 

“No,” James interrupted. Then he saw the look on Q’s face. “It’s not that I don’t want to, I just don’t think I can focus on that tonight.” 

Q nodded and pulled back a bit. “Right.”

“I don’t want to disappoint you,” James added, reaching for Q’s arm as he pulled back even further. 

“No, of course, I understand. We’ve got a lot to focus on right now.” Q slunk himself down beneath the duvet, pulling them up as he lay beside James. 

James rolled his eyes in frustration then reached over to wrap his arm around Q hauling him backwards, until Q’s back was pressed against James’ chest. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you close.” 

Q relaxed into James’ embrace, his hand brushing over James’ forearm, then linking their fingers together. They were both quiet and only when Q thought James was asleep did he say quietly, “you could never disappoint me.” But James was awake and heard what he said, closing his eyes tightly behind Q, hoping that could possibly be true. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: I feel like a fool. Walking around in my pants hoping to give my boyfriend an erection. What am I, 16? Idiot is what I am. I was just hoping it would be easy. I was wrong, I should have known, given what he went through, because of me. Bollocks, this is all my fault, all of this happened to him because of me. And now we have to go to MI6. I’m not going back. After everything we’ve been through, I don’t think I can do it again. In and out. I’ll give them the files. Say goodbye to Eve and march out. That’s my plan. 

~~~


	45. Rifts

Chapter 45: Rifts

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Acting Quartermaster: 

Summary: Q and 007 came into MI6 today. It didn’t go well. 

I’m still quartermaster so that’s bloody frustrating. But James Bond hugged me, which was unexpected, but surprisingly lovely. Except now I guess I have to eat the “welcome back Q” cupcakes all by myself. Or maybe I’ll share them with 005. I actually had a really good time on our lunch “date” in the armory. I’m still not letting him drive the tank though. 

-R (STILL acting quartermaster- damn it. )

~~~

Q and Bond arrived at MI6 headquarters several hours before their meeting scheduled with M, meeting first with Tanner and Riley, who had indeed reluctantly taken over as quartermaster when Q resigned, but everyone still just called her R, because she kept insisting that Q was the real Q. When she saw him her face lit up in a smile and she pulled him close for a hug, relieved to have him back, and while he squeezed her tight in return, seeming genuinely happy to see his second in command the look on his face told her all she needed to know. This wasn’t his homecoming. He wasn’t taking over again and immediately she was deflated. 

“Q?” she said, the question in her voice was obvious. 

“No, I’m just here for a meeting.” He acknowledged then seeing the look on her face added, “I hear you are doing an amazing job Riley.” 

Riley pursed her lips and nodded. “Thank you Sir.” Then added, “I’m glad to see you are okay.” She glanced at 007 who gave her a sympathetic nod and an encouraging smile. “007” she said with a nod in return. 

“R,” he nodded, then seeing her take a breath, clearly trying to hold it together as she faced Q for the first time in months, he reached out with his hand and tugged her close, circling her in a bear hug, and pressing a quick kiss to the top of her head, before quickly brushing his mouth over her ear “thank you for everything Riley.” 

007 had never hugged Riley before, and while she stood there in his quick embrace she felt her heart speed up in surprise, her hands not knowing where to land as she was squished against his muscled chest, his arms like bands around her. Hugging Bond was a totally different experience then hugging Q. He pulled back still holding her shoulders as he looked her in the eye, “you can do this. You are amazing.” 

Riley nodded, then quickly looked around to see who else had seen this remarkable thing happen but everyone seemed to be busy at their work, except for Q who gave her a beaming smile when she caught his eye. So Riley, encouraged by both Q and 007, pulled her shoulders back, took a breath and with a nod did what she needed to do, which meant debriefing Q on the tech and intelligence. 

Q had handed over copies of all his files on a thumb drive with a summary file that explained the hierarchy and detail of information provided. Both Bond and Q sat through the review and explanation, Tanner listening and watching the two of them interact as Riley did most of the questioning. James and Q could finish each other’s sentences, and often did which made Tanner smile, but it was the subtle way they positioned themselves together that really caught Tanner’s attention. James’ hand never touched Q, but it was always only a breadth away, on the table besides Q’s hand as Q shuffled papers, on the edge of his chair near his shoulder as Q leaned back using his hands to gesticulate a point. And Q, Tanner noticed sat just slightly angled, not fully facing the table where they sat, his shoulders turned just a bit towards James’ chair, his knees shifted just a bit to the left in James’ direction. Tanner watched closely, taking it all in, and then sent a note to psych, they would needed to be evaluated separately, but then they should be evaluated together because Tanner was positive having them in the room together would change their response and he guessed it would be for the better. They were feeding off of each other, and Tanner was pretty sure neither of them even realized it. 

Q hated going through the psych evaluation and in the end the evaluator did indeed make a note at the bottom clearing Q but unable to mark the standard boxes on the form. Q had been quiet and calm, never showing he was phased by any of the questions, his eyes steady, his face placid. But all of his answers to questions had been delivered in layers of nuance and irregularities, veering off into philosophical epistemology on the value of life and then the tensions of reliance on technology and the impact on human connection and emotion. What that had to do with how Q had tracked down the Russians so efficiently and then his methodical analysis of how many he had killed baffled the psychologist, but Q was clear headed and did not show any signs of psychosis or neurosis. The only time he had nearly flinched was when they showed him photos of James’ from the rescue in Gomel. But the downturn of his mouth and the constriction in his throat were only momentary and he was able to calmly raise his gaze to the psychologist and confirm his role in James’ rescue. 

James’ however was always a wild card with the psych evaluators and this one was new which made him fresh meat for James’ and his ability to confuse and control the questioning. His eyes were always sharp, like a predator and the young man, while trained in evaluation with a Ph.D. in psychology hadn’t dealt with someone like James before. He quickly found himself unable to hold his gaze, his hands shaking and his voice halting as he continued to move through the standard questions and then details he had been given to document and assess. And James, once he realized he had him, sat back in his chair with an overly pleased smile and a mutinous smirk. James loved the feeling of power knowing his history as 007 had such an impact, being respected as double 0 agent was always a boost to his ego and he reveled in it.

M’s schedule meant they were called in for their meeting before their joint evaluation could happen, Tanner was disappointed, expecting it could have been very revealing to watch the two of them together. Although between Q’s philosophical diversions and James’ predatory intimidation it may have resulted in the evaluator needing a psychological therapy session himself just to recover. 

M didn’t mince any words, the briefest of nods as both men entered with room with Tanner coming in behind them to close the door. “Welcome back gentlemen.” 

Q and James looked at each other briefly both raising their eyebrows in expectation. “Thank you M,” James answered first, seeing the consternation on Q’s face in the set line of his mouth. 

M nodded then looked directly at Q, saying, “Q, the only way we can provide you cover for the people you killed is if you are back on MI6 payroll. We can create a back story that you were undercover, that you never resigned. If not, the authorities will be after you for murder.” 

Q took a breath and raised his hand to stop James from speaking, seeing James lean in, his spine going straight ready to speak. James rocked back and pursed his mouth tightly closed immediately. 

“Right,” Q said, his hands smoothing the front of his blue pin striped suit coat. “So as long as a government sanctions it, then it’s not murder?” Q said calmly, although everyone could hear the cynicism in his voice as it dropped half an octave in the last half of the sentence.

M sighed in his patient way, “It’s still murder… just not the kind you go to prison for…The Bellarussian authorities are actually grateful for what you’ve done, that splinter group had been causing them headaches for years, but after all the people you assassinated we need to protect you.” 

Bond smirked, he couldn’t help himself as he said, “I think that officially makes you 00Q.” 

“Indeed, that’s what we’ve named the file.” Tanner said with smile.

Q just rolled his eyes. “Oh bloody hell, that’s ridiculous. I’m done with all of this.” 

“Perhaps.” M said calmly. “Or perhaps not.” He raised his eyes and looked up from his desk.

“Now wait a minute M,” James suddenly stiffened his spine as he stood up, “if Q doesn’t want to come back...”

M turned to look at James, “he’s got the best ballistics record in the agency 007.”

“And I throw up at the sight of blood.” Q protested, actually starting to feel a bit green as he spoke. “I’m not interested in being a double 0 agent.” 

“Not even if you and Bond were assigned to missions together?” M said.

“No,” James and Q both said at the same time. They both turned to look at one another eyebrows raised in surprise, making Tanner chuckle. 

“You both seem quite sure,” M smiled. “May I ask why?”

Q started, “because James has been through enough. The injuries he’s still healing from put him at risk.”

“But he’d have you,” M interjected. 

“I’m not going to be the one standing there when he dies,” Q said, his voice choking, the closest he’d come to showing a crack in his calm demeanor. He was doing his damndest to keep his emotions in check. 

Everyone went silent. 

Mallory eventually turned to Bond. “And you don’t want to work with Q in the field because…?” He left it an open ended question. 

“Because other people can risk their lives pulling triggers. Someone like Q, it wouldn’t be worth the risk. He’s too valuable.” 

“The goal wouldn’t be for him to just be an assassin.” Tanner jumped in. “The goal would be for Q to use his expertise to do on the ground hacking. To infiltrate to get information, the fact that he’s also good with a gun is a bonus.” 

“Then he doesn’t need the double 0 title. That’s for assassins.” James clarified, he wasn’t at all happy with the direction this conversation was going. 

“He’s already earned it,” M said off handedly, sorting files on his desk. “He’s already killed more than enough operatives to be assigned the title.” 

Q stood there quietly listening to the conversation swirl around him focused on James, who was refusing to make eye contact with him. He could feel something off in the tone of James’ voice, there was something else going on and he was trying to figure it out. 

“If Q needs to come back on payroll to get cover for the past two months, how long does he need to stay on payroll before he’d be allowed to leave?” James asked and Q’s mouth literally dropped open.

“James,” Q said quietly trying to get his attention. He could see the faintest flicker of James’ eyes looking at him briefly in his peripheral vision before James shoved his hands into his trouser pockets and squared his shoulders. 

M paused and looked up, Q’s file now in his hands. He didn’t answer right away, glancing first at Tanner who nodded slightly in confirmation, not looking at Q or James. He looked back at his desk, tossing the file back onto the top of the pile. “Our hope would be he… that both of you…” M now looked up catching James’ gaze to read his response, “wouldn’t ever leave, or at least not for a very long while.” 

“But for Q what’s the minimum.” James asked again, giving nothing away.

“I really can’t say,” Mallory shook his head, “reality is, he’d be starting on probation anyway. Going rogue and using MI6 information to do it should really land him in a jail cell, not with an offer to get his job back.” Mallory looked up at Q and offered a slightly sarcastic smile. 

Q however was absolutely gobsmacked, more because of James, then because of what Mallory had said. 

James sighed and nodded. “Would he be going back to Q branch?” 

“He’d be reinstated as quartermaster, pending the end of his probation, with the understanding that he could be called on for field work should the mission warrant it.” 

“When would he have to start?” He looked over at Q who was now shooting bullets out of his eyes in anger. 

“He’d be expected back immediately, or the cover for the Bellarussians becomes more and more difficult to make convincing.” M continued. 

Q finally snapped, “Bloody hell! You do remember I’m standing right here as you discuss and negotiate my future.” 

James lifted his chin and took a breath, nodded at Q. “Of course.”

“Of course?” Q’s voice went up and then he whirled on Mallory. “I…” he started and then stopped. “I…” he tried again. He sighed and pursed his mouth, “I’m going to need some time.” 

“You may have until tomorrow” M answered, his voice as steady as always. “I’m sure you and 007 have much to talk about.” 

~~~

Q walked out of M’s office ahead of James, ignoring Eve completely as he fought the anger just below the surface. James, however, paused to offer Eve a wink and a smile. “Eve, good to see you.” 

Eve raised her eyebrows at James and nodded towards the doorway where Q had already vanished. “Everything okay James?”

“It will be,” James offered, then continued on, knowing Q was going to be on a rampage. “Or at least I hope so.” 

~~~

The two didn’t talk all the way back to James’ flat. Q sat, one hand balled into a fist in his lap, the other white knuckled as he pinched the leather shoulder strap of his computer bag over and over, staring out the side window at the passing traffic. Q was out of the car first, slamming the door of the Aston, making James’ flinch. He stormed up to the door of the flat, closing it hard before James even got to the top of the stairs. 

James came through the door slowly, half suspected Q might throw something at him, possibly even a flying clawed feline. As he hung up his coat, Q came storming into the living room. “What the bloody fuck James!” 

“Q,” James softened his voice. 

“No, don’t ‘Q’ me. Seriously. What the bloody fuck!” Q was just warming up. “In and out, we agreed. You were going to support me in that. And instead you negotiated my reemployment.”

“Q,” James tried to interrupt, his hands coming up in front of him in an effort to calm him down, but all he did was make Q louder and more angry. 

“And WORSE, YOU agreed to be reemployed TOO!” Q yelled and when he saw James lower his eyes he took a step closer. “You didn’t think I caught that did you? When M said we, WE, would both be expected to stay for BLOODY FUCKING FOREVER!! And then you only asked about MY minimum expectation, but not yours. You were already planning to go back weren’t you?” Q swallowed hard. 

“Q,” James looked up trying to reach for Q’s hands. 

“You WERE!!” Q whirled around and stepped towards the couch, dropping down onto it, his head in his hands. He looked up, his hands splayed open, palm up in frustration, his wrists on his knees. “Did you ever mean it when you said we could walk away together?” 

“Q,” James said again, this time with resolution. 

“What James?” Q finally acknowledged him. “What could you possibly say to me?” 

“It’s who I am.” James said plaintively. 

“It’s who you are?” Q repeated back. 

“Yes, it’s who I am.” James said, his voice stronger. “It’s ALL I am.” 

Q stared at James and said nothing, James trying to wait him out. They just stared at one another, Q looking up from the couch, James standing in front of him. Slowly Q started to shake his head as he broke his gaze and looked back down at the floor. Then he stood abruptly, his hands coming up to block James before he could even try to reach for him. 

“Q!” James tried again grabbing at his shoulders as Q tried to twist past him. 

“Don’t,” Q said with a deadly calm. “Just don’t.” He twisted out of James’ grip, his hands pushing at James’ wrists. “I can’t.” He started down the hallway to the bedroom. 

“You can’t what?” James followed him, speeding up to catch him again reaching for his shoulder. 

“Don’t touch me,” Q dipped his shoulder avoiding James’ reach. 

“You can’t what, what can’t you fucking do?” James said again standing in the doorway as Q stood by the bed. 

“I can’t do this.” Q was frantically looking around the room. Then he bent reaching for his duffel bag when he spotted it under the bed, grabbing clothes. 

“What the hell are you doing?” James took a step forward intending to stop him. 

“I’m leaving,” Q pushed his hand away. Continuing to grab any clothes he could find to stuff into the bag. 

“You can’t fucking leave!!” James protested. 

Q paused and looked up. “I bloody well can,” he said with a deadly look. 

“Why?” James backed up, blocking the doorway as he watched Q fill the bag. He’d physically stop him if he had too. 

Q paused and stood up. “Really?” He looked at James. “You don’t know?”

“Q, I know you are angry with me about agreeing to go back to MI6, but it can’t be that big of a surprise.” James was getting angry now as well. 

Q dropped his head and James could see the deep sigh that made Q’s chest rise and fall, his hands falling to his side. “That makes me angry, that’s true. But that’s not why I’m packing.” 

“Then tell me why.” 

Q raised his head, his lower jaw shifting back and forth in frustration. “It’s all you are.” 

“What?” James said.

“You said it’s all you are.” Q repeated. 

“It is!” James said. “It’s who I am Q.”

“And that’s why I’m leaving.” Q said, his eyes glassy as he reached for his duffel bag.

“What?...Why?” James blocked him from leaving the bedroom. 

“Move,” Q said firmly.

“No.”

“MOVE!” Q said again. “Let me past James.”

“NO!” James squared his shoulders as he stood in the doorway, an immovable blockade.

“You really don’t understand?” Q looked at him, setting his jaw.

“Apparently not.” James said.

“If you really believe that all you are is 007, a bloody assassin. Then I don’t want to be with you.” 

“Q,” James groaned rolling his eyes. 

“I’m serious James.” 

“So am I. You are not leaving.” 

Q stood in front of him staring daggers waiting for him to move.

“Q, I need this.” James said earnestly.

“Need what?”

“Need to be back at MI6.” 

“Because it’s ALL you are?” They were rapid fire responding to one another, Q’s voice harsh and edgy, James’ conciliatory but growing more exasperated by the second. 

James sighed and dropped his head, but didn’t move from the doorway. “Q.”

“How do you think that makes me feel James?”

“What?” James looked up at him.

“How do you think that makes me feel?” Q said slowly and deliberately.

“Q, this doesn’t have anything to do with you!” 

“EXACTLY!!” Q yelled at him, raising his hands up in the air in frustration.

“What?”

“You and I… EVERYTHING I did these past two months was for YOU AND I. And now you say being 007 is all you are, and it has NOTHING to do with me.” 

“Q…” James finally understood.

Q just raised his eyebrows at James and set his jaw. They both stood there saying nothing. Q finally saying, “well?” 

“Bloody hell,” James groaned, then threw his head back in frustration, turning and heading down the hall to the living room. 

Q dropped the duffle bag and stormed after him. “WELL?” 

James sat in the wingback chair gripping the arm leans, “I just need some bloody confidence back Q.”

Q sat down on the couch across from James waiting for him to continue. 

“I’m lost right now. I’m broken.”

“The doctor said it’s just going to take time.” Q quickly reminded him. 

“No,” James shook his head angrily. “It’s not that… it’s not… just that.” He stopped, raising his head to look at the ceiling as he struggled to put this into words. “It’s more than that. That’s only part of it.” 

“James…” 

“Q, don’t you get it. For four months I was beaten, my body was broken, then for two months while my body healed, my heart was broken.” He saw Q drop his head in guilt. “I need to figure out what I’m capable of doing now Q.” 

“But…”

“All I’ve known for most of my adult life is how to be James Bond, 007, and maybe I’m destined to not be that anymore. Maybe I can’t be that anymore. Maybe I’m too broken to be that again.”

“James.” Q tried to counter him.

“When I told you we could leave MI6 together when we were in Greenwich I meant it. I could have walked away with you then. I was strong, I knew who I was, I knew who we were.”

“Who we were? You don’t know that now?” Q looked at him.

“I don’t think either of us do. Do you?” James said calmly. “You were ready to walk out on me fifteen minutes ago.”

“Because you dismissed me completely.” Q said, the frustration obvious in his voice.

“No,” James looked at Q, then paused as he considered it from Q’s perspective. “I didn’t mean too… I’m sorry.” He shook his head.

Q huffed a loud frustrated sigh and leaned back against the couch, letting his head flop back onto the cushion. 

“I’m sorry.” James said again. “But I need this.” 

Q didn’t raise his head, he just lifted his hands in the air and let them fall back to his lap, “fine, you need this.” 

“Otherwise what would I do? Who would I be? I don’t know how to be anything else Q. I need to rebuild, I need to…”

Q’s head came up quickly as he stared James down. “If you say you need to find yourself, I’m going to shoot you. And you heard Mallory say I have the best ballistics record in the agency, so I won’t miss.” 

“I’ve seen you in action. I know you won’t miss.” James smiled. “I need to get my strength back, I need to sharpen my mind. I need to know I’m capable.”

“You fucking get off on danger.” Q shook his head and let it drop back to the cushion again. 

“I do not,” James protested. 

“Yes you do.” Q said with confidence. “I can walk around this flat half naked for half a day and not arouse you. But I bet with a gun in your hand you’ll have no problem.” 

“Q,” James half heartedly protested again.

“I bet you are getting an erection right now just thinking about it.” Q snickered and looked at James. 

James squirmed in his chair, reaching down, now that Q had said it James had to admit the idea seemed to be having an impact on his libido. 

“Oh for fucks sake, I give up,” Q rolled his eyes. “The idea of a gun can get you hard, but me rubbing myself all over you doesn’t.” Q stood up from the couch and headed for the bedroom again. 

“Q!” James jumped up to follow up. “Where are you going?” 

“Don’t worry, I’m not leaving. But I am sleeping on the couch tonight. I’m bloody well pissed at you. We have to start work TOMORROW, thanks to you, you arse, and I’m done with this conversation for now.” Q talked all the way down the hall and back, arriving back in the living room with a pillow and the duvet in his arms. “You can find a different blanket. I’m claiming this one.” 

~~~

When Q woke up in the morning to the sound of the alarm on his phone he was surprised when he opened his eyes and found James sleeping in the chair on the other side of the living room. Q didn’t hear him come out in the middle of the night, but for just a moment he lay still, looking at James who still slept peacefully, if somewhat uncomfortably with his legs splayed in front of him, Eleanor curled up in his lap, his hands loose on the arm leans, his chin dropped to his chest lolling to one side. There he slept, his broken beautiful boyfriend, and Q knew James had come out to sleep in that chair in order to be close. 

Quietly Q climbed off the couch and padded barefoot to the kitchen to start breakfast, hoping he could do it without waking James, Benjamin helping as he jumped on the counter to oversee Q's efforts. Fifteen minutes later, two steaming cups, one with earl gray, the other with double shot of espresso coffee he came back out, setting both cups on the end table by the chair, and then very cautiously, he moved Eleanor then he turned sideways and eased himself into James’ lap. James wrapped his arms around him without even opening in his eyes, allowing Q to slide his legs up over the arm of the chair, leaning into James who now snuffled sleepily at Q’s neck as Q leaned over and pressed a morning kiss to James’ temple. “Good morning,” Q said quietly. 

“Good morning,” James whispered back, then turned his head up for a kiss, which Q easily granted. Gentle kisses between them until finally James woke up enough to realize he could smell coffee. “Did you make me espresso?”

“I did,” Q smiled and then leaned over to grab the cup and hand it James, still not climbing out of his lap, the cup of earl gray in his other hand. 

“Thank you,” James smiled, inhaling the aroma before taking a sip, one hand holding the mug, the other still wrapped around the back of Q’s hips, caressing the bare skin he found at the edge of his t-shirt. 

“Your welcome.” Q sighed. “When I woke up and saw you out here…”

“I hated that you were sleeping on the couch and I was in the bed.” 

“I know. I’m sorry.” Q pursed his lips and looked apologetically at James. “I do understand.” He brought his hand up to James’ jaw, running his thumb over the scruff on James’ cheek as he cradled his face in the palm of his hand. “I don’t like it, but I do understand.” 

“It’s not forever, I promise.” James said. “I may not ever be allowed back in the field. I’m a long way from medical clearance.” 

Q just nodded and leaned his head down to rest on James shoulder for just a moment, before sitting up and carefully easing his legs to the floor, trying not to spill coffee or tea. “Oh, I have no doubt, you’ll be back in the field. And I’ll hate it.” Q said, “but we’ll figure it out together.” 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: I think I have emotional whiplash. I’m so very hurt and angry that James would decide going back to MI6 is more important than being with me. I wrote that sentence and then had to sit here for five minutes rereading it, because I don’t know what to write next. I know that’s not true. I don’t believe that’s true… that MI6 is more important to him then I am. Please don’t let that be true. 

I’m trying to understand. He has so many years of this defining who he is, who am I to change all of that. But it’s not the same thing. Being 007 and being my partner, they can be too different things. It’s not about choosing. I have to believe that. Bloody hell, I want that to be true. 

And what the fuck? They want me to be 00Q??? 00Q I do have to admit that’s pretty bloody awesome. Me- 00Q. Moneypenny will never take me seriously though, she’s going to take the piss out of me I just know it. 

~~~


	46. Clarification

Chapter 46: Clarification

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Acting Quartermaster: 

Summary: God damn it. He’s actually back now and yet I’m still the bloody quartermaster. What the hell… that’s it. I’m letting 005 drive the damn tank. M can just fire me if he disapproves. 

-R- the becoming increasingly irritated acting, and I swear to god this better really be temporary, quartermaster

~~~

Riley had heard the news that Q was indeed officially coming back and she was ready to hand everything back to Q, office, computers, files, communications as soon as he came though the door. Being the quartermaster was really stressful and Riley was more than ready for a break. But Q just shook his head and refused. “Sorry Riley, I’m on probation, you have to keep doing this job. I’m only on special assignments for now.” The look of abject frustration and sadness on R’s face made Q give her an empathetic pout but he still shook his head no. 

“Seriously? But I want YOU to be the quartermaster!” Riley protested.

Q just shrugged. “I know, but apparently I have to prove I’m trust worthy again.” And with that Q grabbed his laptop and headed for the back workbench in the lab, content to set up shop and work quietly. Every now and then he would look up and see Riley barking at someone, paperwork constantly shoved in her face, and Q thought maybe he would be happy just staying at the back workbench working on special projects forever. Being quartermaster didn’t look like it was very much fun when he witnessed it from a distance.  
~~~

James spent the day in medical doing physical therapy and then down in Q branch bothering Q. “How’s the first day back?” James asked as he delivered a cup of earl gray and a scone thanks to Eve. 

Q gave him a stern glare, “fine, given I don’t actually want to be back. At least I get to work on the back log of engineering projects I’ve let sit for far too long.” He took a sip of the earl gray leaning back in his chair, inhaling the aroma and closing his eyes for a moment enjoying it. Then looked at James, “and what about you?” 

“Physical therapy. I’m going to be sore tomorrow.” James reached over and broke off a piece of Q’s scone, making Q scowl at him. “Tanner suggested once you are back in the swing of things that you use me in the armory to test your inventions until I’m cleared for assignments.” 

Q smiled, “I’d like that.” Then glancing at the clock on his computer he looked up at James, “nearly five. I’ll let you have the rest of my scone if you promise me we’ll eat something better for dinner.” 

“Deal,” James smiled and grabbed the whole cranberry orange baked good. “I’ll be back in thirty minutes to collect you.” 

Q watched James walk away, still a limp in his gait when you watched closely, which Q always did. While he desperately wanted James to gain his confidence back, all of that was balanced with a hidden hope that maybe medical would never clear James for field work again, and Q would never have to worry about him the same way he did before Belarus. But Q suspected that his hard headed, obstinate boyfriend would manage to find a way, and as Q looked again at his list of engineering projects he quickly resorted the priority, moving projects to the top that he knew would ultimately help keep agents safer in the field. 

~~~

“James?” Q had finished cleaning up the kitchen post dinner and came to find him in the living room. 

It had always been their standard agreement that the person who cooked didn’t clean, and since James nearly always cooked, Q found himself loading the dishwasher and lamenting the fact that he hadn’t gotten around to modifying the appliances here like he had in his old flat. His dishwasher had been reconfigured with an automated soap dispenser, a high powered water rinse, to prevent the need for prewashing, and a water recycling unit that allowed the water to be filtered and reused, cutting down on waste. The one here in James’ flat was slow and inefficient and he had to rinse things before putting them in the dishwasher, which with Benjamin around, was an added challenge. Because Benjamin liked water, and in particular he liked to drink water straight from the faucet, trying to catch drips with his paws, and occasionally sticking his head directly under the running water only to panic when he realized he was wet and fling water everywhere as he tried to escape. Penelope sat on the corner of the counter watching this, and Q would swear if a cat could eyeroll, Penelope would be doing that very thing at Benjamin’s antics. Dishwasher finally closed, water off, and Benjamin’s head dried and fluffed with a dish towel he headed to find James. 

When James didn’t answer Q tried again, “James?” his voice somewhat hesitant. He had been trying to figure out how to ask this question all night and knew he had to ask it sooner than later. He didn’t want to ask it in bed because the expectations were too high there and he wanted neutral territory. 

“Hmm?” James replied, not looking up from the book he was reading. 

“I need your guidance on something, a clarification.” Q came and sat down on the coffee table in front of James who finally slipped the bookmark back into the book and closed it looking up at Q with a somewhat annoyed expression, unhappy about the interruption. 

“What do you need? I was just getting to a good part.” James teased him, one hand still petting Eleanor who lay on the cushion beside him. 

“Sorry,” Q looked quickly at the book title now that James had set it on the table beside him, The Old Contemptibles: The British Expeditionary Force, 1914. “There’s a good part in that?” he teased him.

“Funny,” James smirked. “What do you need?” James asked again, sensing Q’s hesitancy. 

Q sighed deeply, pursing his lips briefly as he tried to figure out how to ask this. 

“Q?” James smiled, “What did you want to ask me?” 

Q finally just blurted it out. “Am I allowed to flirt with you?” Then rolled his eyes at how ridiculous that sounded. 

James chuckled and leaned forward, dislodging Ellie and making her jump off the couch. Q’s legs now bracketing his own, he ran his hands up the outside of Q’s thighs, “of course you are. Why would you ask that?” 

Q’s hands came down over James’, stilling them on his legs. “Because I don’t want to pressure you.” 

James nodded knowingly. “Ah, I see. And you have this pent up need to flirt and have been holding back?” James smiled as he teased Q trying to make light of this. 

“Yes!” Q sat upright. “Well… sort of.” He ran his hands over James’ and squeezed his fingers before letting them go. “I’m just not sure what I can do.”

“Do what you want to Q,” James said, “why wouldn’t you?” 

“Because I’m struggling. I don’t want you to think I have expectations that you can’t meet. So I don’t know if I should just be completely neutral and let you decide when you want me close, or when you want to touch me, or ask me to touch you, or kiss you, but then I think maybe the reminder, the stimulus, the flirtation, could be helpful, for your…recovery… but if it doesn’t work I don’t want you to think I’m disappointed, I really don’t have expectations, I’m just happy to be here with you, and I want you and I want you to know that, but…” Q was rambling in circles. 

James leaned forward and tugged on Q’s hips, encouraging him off the coffee table and into his lap, Q’s legs now straddling his own. Q’s knees pressed to the back of the couch as James’ slid forward beneath him pressing their bodies together, wrapping his arms around Q’s back as he leaned in to nip at Q’s neck, worrying the spot where Q was tattooed with James’ bite. “You can flirt all you want Q, I would welcome it.” 

“Really?” Q leaned back to look at James, his hands on James’ shoulders, feeling a little overwhelmed by James’ roving hands, he reached back to still them with his own. 

“Yes, as long as you are really okay that the outcome may not be what either of us would hope for, but it doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying all the rest of it.” James answered honestly.

Q smiled, letting go of James’ hands, leaning down to rest his forehead against James’ forehead, Q’s hands slipping up to wrap around the back of James’ neck. “Good.” They sat there together for a long moment, James’ hands resting on Q’s waist. “Thank you,” Q added. Then he leaned back, intending to climb off James’ lap. 

“Wait,” James grabbed his hips and stopped him. “Where are you going?” 

“I interrupted your reading, I…” 

James rolled his eyes, “yeah, that can wait.” Then tugging hard he pulled Q’s hips against his own, one hand sliding up Q’s spine, the other quickly finding the nape of Q’s neck to bring his mouth to his own, a deep needy kiss shared between them. 

Q rocked his hips down against James as he moaned into his mouth, the heat between the two of them ratcheting up surprisingly quickly, until James wrapped his arm around Q and turned them. Q’s back on the couch, James pressed him down, his mouth now trailing down Q’s neck, fingers making quick work of the buttons on Q’s shirt, and then his belt buckle and trouser zip. 

“Let me,” James hummed in a deep voice against Q’s skin feeling Q tense below him, “please let me. I really want this.” 

Q took a breath, his chest rising, his stomach going concave below James’ mouth, and as James looked up Q’s body he saw Q nod and lay his head back, “yes,” he heard him moan softly. James smiled and with a satisfied growl, made quick work of Q’s trousers and pants, relearning Q’s body, the moles and freckles on his inner thighs, the dimples that formed on the sides of Q’s butt cheeks when he flexed them in response to James’ mouth sucking hard on Q’s cock. 

It didn’t take long, and as James sat back on his haunches, Q’s legs still trembling on either side of him he smiled with satisfaction looking down at his flushed and heaving boyfriend. Q’s hands covering his face as he fought to get control back. “Fuck,” Q groaned from behind his hands. 

James smiled and shook his head, “I wish,” he sighed, “but not this time.” 

Q brought his hands down slowly, “James…” 

“Don’t…” James raised one finger at Q to shush him, then looked down at Q’s stomach, lowered his hand to run that finger through the cooling cum that sat on Q’s skin and lifted his finger back to his mouth, sucking it off with a smile. “I’m feeling very satisfied by this outcome.” 

Q snickered and let his head fall back to the throw pillow on the couch, a loud slow releasing breath coming from his lungs. “Good. Me too.” 

James gave Q’s thigh a reassuring squeeze as he smiled, then climbed from between Q’s legs to go find a warm flannel to clean him up. “Come on, after I clean you up let’s go to bed, I can read in there, and you look like you are ready to sleep.” 

Q just nodded, one arm flung over his face, still recovering, “well that was unexpected, and to think all I asked was whether I could flirt with you.” 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: Bloody hell, that was the best orgasm I’ve had in months. I wish James would let me try to reciprocate. I know he doesn’t want me to treat any of this like an experiment, but I’m an engineer, a bloody scientist. I form hypotheses and identify variables and develop tests. This requires research. Nearly all problems can be solved with the proper research. 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies. This is a bit of a shorter chapter. (Real life is making time short this week. May be a few days between posts as a result, but we are getting closer to the end, so maybe this is a way to savor them.)


	47. Flirtation

Chapter 47: Flirtation (Q style) 

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Acting Quartermaster: 

Summary: Q and 007 have made a mess in the armory, but Q brought me cupcakes the next day to make up for it, so I don’t mind. 

Having Q back, even if he’s on probation has made life here better for everyone, especially for me. He and I have made an arrangement, which Tanner and M don’t need to know about, which I’m totally down with. Every morning we meet for coffee (for me) and tea (for him) and review everything happening in R & D and make a plan together. I implement and follow up and then at the end of the day we debrief. The insights Q brings to everything make it absolutely clear to me why he is so good at this job. His ability to predict how different agents will respond in the field and how best to outfit and then support them is amazing. And his knowledge of databases, resources, security systems, how to both build them and take them down, is scary. I love seeing the quiet little half smile that slides up onto the left side of his face and the quick little nod of satisfaction, which is all he gives when he manages to deftly maneuver a mission. His understated ego at a job not just well done, but done fucking amazingly makes me beam on his behalf. 

And even better, Q has taught me his tricks to stream line all the paperwork and requests for budget justification from finance and accounting. Q is a bloody genius. 

-R (Still acting quartermaster, but a lot less reluctantly)  
~~~

Q took James’ permission to flirt seriously and made a list of all the ways he could flirt that might work on a secret double o agent. Therefore it wasn’t a surprise to discover that he was custom tailoring everything he did at MI6 to appeal to James. And because Q knew James got off on danger, and the best type for James was anything that blew up, Q had turned his attention to small explosives. 

James heard the ping on his phone and grabbed it knowing it was from Q. "Meet me in the armory." James smiled, this was the best part of coming back to work at MI6 with Q. A week in to their return to MI6 and they were both enjoying the “special assignment” perks. 

"What do we have today Q?" James asked as he came through the armory door spotting Q wearing explosive protective goggles. This bodes well, James thought to himself. He loved it when things exploded and he loved that Q knew that about him. 

"Ah James, good! I have something new for you to try, but it's still very much a prototype so as much as I know you resist protective gear, please do put on the goggles and asbestos gloves."

James smiled his, 'this is what I looked like as a seven year old at Christmas' smile, and put on the protective gear. "What are we blowing up?" 

"Pens," Q turned to smile at him serenely, a pile of different types of non descript, generic writing utensils laying on the work bench. 

"You made me exploding pens?" James smiled, "is it my birthday?" 

Q just raised his eyebrows and smiled. 

“Because it’s NOT my birthday… Wait… is this you flirting?” James caught on quickly and absolutely beamed. Q didn’t reply, but he didn’t have to, the smile on his face made it an obvious affirmative. “It IS!” James laughed. “Only you could flirt with explosives.” James leaned forward and kissed him. 

“We haven’t even seen if they work yet,” Q pushed back on his shoulder. “If they fail and we both end up in medical with burns you may not be so thrilled.” But James was already beyond thrilled, which made Q happy, because that had really been the point of this whole exercise, and they hadn't even blown anything up yet. 

Then Q turned back to the different types of pens on the bench, a crash test dummy with a prosthetic arm and hand in a chair beside him. 

"So what's with the dummy?" James asked. 

"That's supposed to be you." Q quirked with a sly grin.

James rolled his eyes, "ha ha."

Q picked up the first pen, "actually, he's the stand in for whomever you would want to blow up. What I want you to do is see how easy it is to activate each of these and then we'll put them in his hand, assuming that would be the point, which quite honestly why you are so intrigued by exploding pens I still don't completely understand, and then we'll see how much damage they do." 

“Gotcha, which one shall we test first?” James giggled and leaned over Q’s shoulder to see what all the options were. 

Three hours later Tanner came to find them and smiled looking at the two of them through the armory window as they both were bent over laughing hysterically, the crash test dummy blown to smithereens and both of them with black explosive powder all over their faces, goggle lines outlined around their eyes. He didn't bother to knock, but just turned and went back upstairs, thinking Q and 007 deserved some uninterrupted happiness. 

That night James pinned Q to the wall as soon as they got in the door to the flat, not even bothering to take off their coats and gave him an orgasm that made his toes curl, but alas, nothing yet reciprocal for James. 

~~~

A few days later as James was reading the morning paper over coffee he looked up to acknowledge Q and then looked back down at his paper, then quickly looked up again. Q had gone for a morning run and had just recently gotten back, heading to shower and change. "Q?"

"Yes?" Q asked, looking up over the edge of his still steaming tea cup, standing in the doorway to the living room. 

"Are they loaded?" James asked what seemed like maybe the most innocuous of questions given he was looking at his boyfriend standing in the dining room wearing his shoulder gun holsters, and literally nothing else. 

"Do you want them to be?" Q asked with a wink. 

James raised one side of his mouth into a lazy grin. "You are mixing your experimental variables." 

"I know," Q said taking a sip of tea. "Is it working?" 

James sighed, "well, while I do very much appreciate the visual of my boyfriend strolling around the flat wearing nothing but gun holsters, alas, can't say it's giving me a hard on." 

"Damn," Q sighed. 

"But I'm more than happy to let you extend the experimental time frame. No need to put clothes on, on my account." 

Q wrinkled his nose and set down his tea cup. "No, it's too cold for this. I think I need clothes."

"Shame," James shook his head and picked back up the paper he was reading. "I do enjoy the view. You can keep this one on your list of good ways to flirt."

“I don’t have a list,” Q protested, grabbing a quilt from the couch to wrap around his waist as he headed down the hall. 

“Yes you do,” James yelled after him, then smiled when he heard Q shut the door to the bedroom mumbling something about variables and crossing another one off the damn list. 

~~~

And then Q had an epiphany. He had already done this experiment! If anything might be a magic bullet this would surely be it. 

Q had them sent by overnight express delivery from San Francisco, gleeful when they arrived at MI6, immediately tucking the box in his laptop bag to take back to the flat. 

The next morning he woke up alone, quickly climbing from the bed to see if James was still in the flat. He found him following his normal routine, sipping coffee and reading the paper at the kitchen table, his socked feet rubbing back and forth as he concentrated on the headlines of the day. Q smiled, not even saying good morning, just turning around quietly and going back to get his secret weapon from his bag. Then standing in the hallway just outside the kitchen he unwrapped it, loudly, crinkling the paper aggressively just to make sure, then he popped it in his mouth, a few loud sucks just for additional effects, counted to ten and walked into the kitchen. 

James was looking up, eyebrows raised, a smirk on his face. Then he just shook his head, and picked up the paper again. "Nice try." 

Q stomped his foot, sucking hard on the lolly before popping it out from between his lips. "Nothing? Not even a stirring?" 

James paused in his reading to look down at his groin, then back up at Q and sighed, "sorry." 

Q shook his head. "Well bugger. That was fool proof before. Every time I opened one of these things you got an erection." 

James nodded, "yes, I know. That was a rather cruel experiment." 

"It wasn't cruel!" Q protested. 

"That time you did it just before we had to walk out the door to go to work? That was cruel Q."

"That time was unintentional, I wasn't doing it as an experiment, I just really wanted one." 

"Un huh," James nodded, puffing out his cheeks. "I just remember I had to grab my longer wool coat to button up in front, damn bulge in my trousers was obvious to everyone." 

"Sorry," Q blushed. "I forgot about that." Then he raised his eyebrows again, "but I'm pretty sure when we got to work that day, you locked my office door and I took care of that for you." 

"True," James smiled, "you did." Then he turned in his chair, "come here." 

"Why?" Q looked at him skeptically. 

"Because I'd like a suck of that lolly," James smirked. 

Q snickered, "I could get you your own, I have a whole damn box now." 

"No, I want yours," James patted his lap encouraging Q to saunter over and perch himself in James' lap. 

Q pulled the lolly out of his mouth with a loud slurp and holding it up, placed the sticky chocolatey ball against James' bottom lip. James opened up, sucking it in hard and then twirled the stick with his fingers, eyes locked on Q, before pulling it back out with a pop. "Is it by any chance working on YOU?" he asked Q with a wink. 

Q's eyes had dilated nearly to black, "yep." He pressed the heel of his hand to his groin. "I'd say it most definitely is." 

"Good," James smiled, "why don't you come sit on this table in front of me, and I'll do something about that." 

"James," Q shook his head, "you don't have to..."

James reached out with the lolly and quickly stuck it back in Q's open mouth to shush him, reaching for his hips to lift him up onto the table in front of him. "I know I don't have too, but I really want to, so shush, and enjoy the lollipop, I'm going to enjoy yours." And before Q could say another word his pyjama bottoms were pulled down around his thighs and he heaved a big breath. Then he leaned back on his elbows on the table, his feet finding a home on James' chair on either side of his thighs as he sucked on the chocolate lolly and watched James suck on him and tried very very hard not to feel guilty about this.

~~~

Two days later James felt the vibration on his mobile sitting with M at a meeting on national security and pulled it out to read the message. “What about prostate stimulation?” James eyes went wide and he quickly hid the screen worried someone else might see it. 

“Why? Do you want me to stimulate yours? You always seem to enjoy it,” James replied with a smirk on his face and then added, “is this your way of flirting via text?”

“No, I wasn’t talking about me you burk. It was a question about you. Did your urologist suggest that prostate stimulation might help?” Q hit send, then quickly followed it up with, “Do you want me to flirt with you via text? Do you think it might work?” 

James rolled his eyes. “Urologist didn’t mention it, but we didn’t talk about erection therapy and sure, you can try to flirt via text, I’ll let you know if it works or not.” James shook his head as he hit send, this sounding like one of Q’s more mundane efforts, because Q was becoming a bit obsessed with finding ways to encourage James’ anatomy to respond. Most of the time it was fun and endearing and now two weeks back at MI6, it was entertaining to see what Q would come up with next, but he also knew Q was hiding his frustration. Q kept reassuring James that there was no pressure or expectations, but the past few days Q had become more reluctant about James taking advantage of him when they went to bed, when James wouldn’t let him try to reciprocate. 

James had even reluctantly started visit medical and psych seeking reassurance that the doctors thought this would eventually actually resolve, putting himself through additional physiological tests and psych evaluation, feeling he owed it Q to try. It took two visits to psych before they’d even agree to see him as they were positive James was just out looking to annoy everyone now that he was back in the building and that this must be a prank, because James Bond never went willingly to psych. But on the second appointment the therapist actually spent twice the normal allotted time, when James made it clear he was serious about this and they had set up two sessions a week for the near future in case James wanted to return. Because honestly James couldn’t imagine what more Q could do after making flame throwing machine guns in the armory which set off the fire alarms, designing a DB10 simulator that James had spent 10 hours in one day crashing it over and over, and then at home parading himself around in various states of undress. If James’ cock was ever going to respond, there weren’t too many more things Q could realistically try. 

But apparently now they were going to try texting, and it didn’t take long for the texts to start coming. “You make my software turn into hardware, looking forward to tonight.” Followed by, “I’ll bet my hard drive is the biggest you’ve ever seen, come and find out.” James just shook his head but before he could reply he read, “Are your pants a compressed file? Because I’d love to unzip them.” 

“Stop” James sent back a message before Q could send another one. “You are terrible at this. Where did you find these? These are horrible.” 

“The website pick up lines for computer geeks.” Q reluctantly admitted. 

James laughed out loud making M turn and look at him. “Sorry, my apologies,” James said quietly. “Leave it to the computer geeks to make a website to share bad computer geek pick up lines. Maybe text flirting isn’t the best technique.” James hit send and then tried to turn his attention back to the meeting. 

Q got James’ reply and huffed a sigh of frustration, leaning his head down onto his desk. He was running out of ideas. 

When Eve came looking for him and found him like this she smiled, “ah, my lovely man, what’s the problem?” 

Q looked up at her, a frown on his face. “I’m not very good at flirting.” He sighed and then put his head back on the desk. 

Eve laughed, “who are you flirting with?” 

“James… of course,” he answered, not lifting his head, his voice muffled by the mouse pad under his chin. 

Eve pulled up a chair beside him, confused. “Why are you flirting with James?” 

Q just raised his head and looked at her. “Long story,” he answered. “Never mind.” He didn’t think James would appreciate him sharing the information with Moneypenny. 

Eve reached up and ran her fingers through Q’s quickly growing hair, smoothing the curl that was forming over his forehead. “Well whatever the reason, I’m sure you are just fine at flirting. I just came down to tell you the security meeting is likely to go long, and wondered if you might want to come to the pub for a drink. James could meet us there when he’s done.” 

“Thanks Eve, but I actually think I’ll just head home early. I can’t think of the last time I was in the flat without James, and I have a few things I’d like to do before he gets home.” Q answered, declining her invitation.

Eve pouted briefly but nodded, “I understand.” Standing to go, as Q shut down his laptop and started gathering his belongings to take home she added, “and Q, if you ever need anyone to talk to, you know I’m a good listener.” 

Q paused looking at Eve seriously for a moment, then nodded in affirmation. “I know. I will, I promise.” 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: Bugger. Bugger. Bugger. Bugger. I’m honestly not sure what else to try.   
Visual stimuli (me parading around naked)- failed.   
Memory stimuli (unwrapping and sucking on chocolate lollies)- failed.   
Linguistic stimuli (flirting via text, I’m not even going to acknowledge this as sexting it was so bad.)- failed  
Danger based stimuli (exploding pens, DB10 simulator, flame throwing machine guns, guns in general, me naked wearing guns)- ALL FAILED. 

I’m debating auditory stimuli- I haven’t made a mixed tape in a really long time. That could be fun. Except that James doesn’t always like the same music I do. Hmm…

I think next up is oral and scent based stimuli- if James was reading this I know he’d say, “what do you mean, we’ve been doing lots of oral stimuli Q- on you.” But that’s NOT what I mean, although I guess technically I should list THAT as a failed effort as well. Bloody hell, if him literally pining me down and giving me a blow job doesn’t have an impact on his libido I’m not sure what will. 

But I’m going to try food and drink next. I’ll cook for him. A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, isn’t that the saying? Except I think I already have his heart, what is the saying for “a way to a man’s penis?” 

~~~


	48. Trust

Chapter 48: Trust

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Acting Quartermaster: 

Summary: 005 and I now have lunch together in the armory whenever he is in London and not on assignment. Q caught me coming back the other day and the smile on my face must have given me away because he looked at me suspiciously and then raised his eyebrows knowingly. I immediately wiped the video from the armory before Q got a chance to check it, but I’m still pretty sure he knows what’s up. I’m really not sure it’s actually a good idea to get involved with 005, having watched the heart break Q and James have both gone through and seeing first hand the challenges of being involved with a double 0. But then I see how Q and James look at each other, and realize how hard they’ve fought to be together and I can’t help but yearn for someone to look at me with that same devotion. 

\- R (Acting quartermaster)

~~~

When James got home a few hours later he was surprised to find flowers on the table, candles lit and a marvelous smelling dinner simmering in the kitchen. “Q?” he called out. Q emerged from the kitchen wearing a “kiss the cook” apron, which James promptly did before saying. “What’s all this?” 

“I thought we’d try this the old fashioned way. Given my utter failure at witty sexual innuendo by text message today, which makes no sense that I should be so bad at that, as I am a tech genius and we’ve sexted successfully in the past,” Q was waving a sauce spoon in the air as he talked, “but regardless, I decided I’d romance you with a more traditional method.”

“You cooked me dinner?” James smiled. 

“I did. And I bought flowers, and I lit candles and Benjamin almost set his whiskers on fire in the process when he came to investigate. He’s currently locked in the bedroom to keep him out from underfoot.” 

James snickered, “and you were mad at me when I set Elllie’s tail on fire.” 

“Yes well, all the cats have been locked in the bedroom to prevent a repeat of that, if you wanted to go say hello to them. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes.” Q turned to look at the table. “Oh and there is wine to open, unless you’d prefer a cocktail. I’ll let you do that part if you’d like.” 

“Wine will be fine,” James smiled, his whole body going warm at the sincere gesture as Q fussed over the table setting before turning to beam at James, kiss him again quickly and turn to go back to the kitchen to get the rest of dinner ready. 

Three hours later Q lay panting in the dark, James once again immensely pleased with himself having just about melted his boyfriend into the mattress, even if he still, much to his own frustration didn’t find his own success. 

Q rolled over and tried to slide his hand up under James’ shirt, but even with all the positive endorphins James still flinched and immediately grabbed his wrist to stop him. “Don’t.”

He could hear Q sigh in unfettered frustration as he rolled away. “Are you ever going to let me touch you again?” 

James was quiet.

Q’s voice broke with emotion, “because I miss you. I miss touching you, I miss seeing you. I know I shouldn’t complain, I know it. I mean the near daily fellatio isn’t something anyone in their right mind would complain about, I like it, I like knowing you want me. But damn it I want you too.” 

“Q”

“I’m not even talking sexually James. I just want to be able to touch you, scars and all. Bloody hell James, you’ve always had scars. You’re a double 0 assassin, scars, gunshots, it comes with the territory. Let me be close to you.” Q sighed again, “please?” he rolled over in the dark to face James. 

“Qqquuue,” James groaned. “I…”

“Don’t say you can’t. You can, you just don’t want to.” Q interrupted him. “If you aren’t ready to let me see your scars, then starting in the dark might be easier. Just let me touch you.” Q stopped, waiting for James. 

Finally a reply, “and just what do you want to touch?” 

Q smiled in the dark, he knew what James was asking. “You can leave your pants on, I just want to be able to fall asleep against your skin.” Q waited. “Please?” he finally added again. 

“Fine,” James huffed and sat up to pull off his t-shirt. 

Q waited until James settled back to the mattress before he edged closer. “Are there boundaries about where I can put my hands?” He was serious even as he made his voice sound light hearted. 

“I thought you just wanted to sleep against me.” 

“I also said I wanted to touch you.” 

“No, I guess not,” James said quietly. But as Q reached for him, he caught his wrist. “But I reserve the right to stop you at any time.” 

“I understand,” Q acknowledged. At first Q just put his hand on James’ chest feeling for his heart beat which was racing faster then he’d like. James was nervous. He edged closer, resting his cheek against James’ bare shoulder, leaving his hand on James’ chest until finally James’ heart rate slowed down. Then slowly he let his hand wander over James’ skin, down over his ribs, he could feel raised lines but said nothing. Down over James’ abdomen, feeling the outline of each of James’ stomach muscles as he flexed involuntarily beneath Q’s fingers. Q flattened his palm against James’ stomach, waiting again for him to relax, for his muscles to go soft before moving again. Each time Q slid his fingers over a new spot he felt James’ tense in response, and it broke Q’s heart to know that once James would have welcomed his touch and now it was all James’ could do to even bare it. He didn’t explore much further, bringing his hand back to James’ chest, moving even closer until his body was pressed all along James’ side, and then very gently he placed a kiss to James’ skin, along the outer edge of his clavicle, whispering “thank you,” before he settled in, but not sleeping for a very long time, not moving, just holding James as he waited for all the tension to eventually drain from the taut frame. When he woke in the morning James was gone, and when he found him in the living room he had once again covered his skin. 

~~~

Progress, they were making progress, that’s what Q continued to tell himself as the days went by. Or at least they were each making progress independently. Q’s newest inventions were the hit of Q branch R&D. His computer simulations designed to help train new agents based on the most harrowing scenarios the veteran agents (aka 007) had experienced was already being heralded as a future life safer. And Bond was finding his opinion sought after by Tanner and M on a daily basis as he was getting pulled into security briefings more and more regularly. Bond’s fitness and medical test scores were improving daily, his ballistic scores better than ever, his core muscle strength and physical stamina nearly back to passable levels. It wouldn’t be long before he’d be cleared for duty in the field and they both knew it. 

At home, however, Q was doing all he could to keep his expectations low, while keeping his enthusiasm up, even if he couldn’t seem to get James’ up, figuratively or literally. The late night agreement James had been willing to agree to, of partially disrobing had become a pattern, but Q couldn’t get him to trust him with more and it was starting to wear thin with Q’s patience. 

“Take off your shirt,” Q groaned, biting at James neck, struggling to pull James’ shirt tails from the back of his trousers as James was aggressively manhandling Q, pulling Q’s t-shirt off over his head before climbing between his legs as they tumbled to the bed together. 

“No,” James said, reaching for Q’s trouser buckle. 

Q brought his hands down between them to still James’ fingers. “Then stop.” 

James did, looking up at Q sternly but not saying anything. This was the first time in weeks Q had refused him and the look on Q’s face made it clear they had now reached an impasse. James climbed from the bed and walked away shutting the door behind him. 

Q lay there beyond frustrated, before scrubbing his hands over his face and climbing off the bed to go follow him. He found James at the liquor cabinet pouring a finger of scotch, which he downed quickly before looking at Q. 

“I don’t want to talk about this,” James said, pouring a second drink. 

“Well I do,” Q reached for the glass to take it from James’ hand making James scowl at him and reach for another glass. Q looked down into the scotch quickly before bringing it to his lips and tipping his head back to open his throat to the quick burn of the alcohol. When he finished he looked at James, who was standing there a bit surprised. “Pour me another,” Q handed him the glass, as he grimaced feeling the secondary wave of heat from the scotch run through his throat. 

“Sure,” James smirked knowingly, and took Q’s glass from him, pouring another two fingers into it before handing it back. 

Q took it, then turned and headed for the couch, holding the glass turned in his hand, close to his chest. He couldn’t toss this one back the way he had done the other. He ran his hand up through his increasingly shaggy hair, the locks falling forward over his forehead as it grew out. He turned to look at James, still standing by the liquor cabinet, holding a glass of scotch with more in it then he had offered Q. “Why?” Q said. 

“Why what?” James replied. 

Q paused, sipping the scotch, looking down over the rim of the glass, before turning back to James, “why won’t you take your shirt off while we have sex? While I have sex done upon me.” Q added, clarifying his growing frustration with the one sided nature of their physical connection. 

“Q,” James shook his head. “We’ve talked about this…”

“No, we haven’t actually.” Q interrupted him. “I’ve asked, you’ve said no.”

“I’ve taken if off in bed,” James clarified. 

“In the dark, when we are…when I am done...when you are done with me.” Q was determined to show James how frustrated he was that this was one sided. 

“You know I can’t,” James started then added, “and don’t you dare tell me you don’t enjoy what I do to you.” 

“I know right now you can’t get an erection,” Q talked over him, ignoring the barb at the end. “I’m not even talking about your dick James. I’m talking about your body. Because quite honestly, I’m pretty sure your dick isn’t ever going to get hard if you can’t even let me touch your back, or your thigh, or your hip, let alone your penis.” 

James pulled a loud angry breath through his nose, his eyes hardening, his jaw flexing as he bit down on his back teeth. He set down the glass and turned to face Q, tugging his shirt from his trousers, unbuttoning the top few buttons until he could reach down and then pull it over his head. Then his trousers, shoving them down his legs. He hesitated for only a second, his eyes flickering to Q then away before pulling off his pants, “there!” he said angrily, turning to face Q, his hands now hanging loose at his sides, “happy?” He flexed his hands into fists and then straightened his fingers, “here I am.” 

Q quickly stood to face him, reading the anxiety and nervousness in James’ stance. When James had started to undress Q had been shocked still, surprised at James’ response, this wasn’t what he had wanted to push James to do. But now seeing James stand there so vulnerably, Q couldn’t help but approach him, wanting to reassure him. He didn’t let his eyes waver from James gaze, he didn’t want James to see his eyes trolling over his scar marked skin, he didn’t want James to think this was an inspection. So while he may have quickly stood, he now slowly walked, their eyes locked, James icy and hard and distant, Q warm and soft and encouraging. Arriving in front of him, Q looked down and reached out to take James’ hands in his own, before looking back up, “here you are.” 

The lines around James’ eyes tightened as his face contorted, breaking eye contact with Q as he looked up and away, fighting back the emotions. Q wanted to slide his hands around James’ back and pull him close to console and reassure him, but he forced himself to stand still and let James respond as he needed too. 

“I don’t think I can do this,” James voice broke as he tried to step back from Q. 

But Q didn’t let go of his hands. “Please,” Q whispered. “Trust me.” 

James looked down, nodding jerkily, fighting the urge to pull his hands away. He sighed heavily before looking up at Q. “Now what? What do you want me to do?” 

Q smiled, and leaned in to press a small kiss to James’ lips, which met his with no response, but he didn’t pull away and for that Q was grateful. “Well,” he took another step closer, now toe to toe, their arms straight, fingers still entwined. “If we were in my old flat I’d suggest a bath, but your tub here is shit.” Q grinned seeing James’ eyes crinkle as he smiled at Q’s comment. “So options; shower, bed or we stay here and I pull the shades before the neighbors spot us.” 

James flexed his jaw and looked away briefly considering what Q was suggesting. 

Q squeezed his hands in reassurance, “I can pick if you need me too.” 

James nodded again jerkily, then leaned forward to rest his forehead on Q’s shoulder, a needed point of contact to break the tension he felt as he stood there, letting Q have control. 

Q swallowed hard and felt the tears well up in his eyes at James’ vulnerability. He couldn’t help but drop James’ hands and slide his arms around him pulling him close. Q didn’t flinch when he felt the raised scars on James’ back, he knew they were there. James didn’t know it, but Q had seen enough video and the pictures from James’ time in Belarus to know what to expect. He felt James stiffen in his arms momentarily, but then go soft again as Q reached up, wrapping his hands over the top of James’ shoulders, the two standing skin to skin, chest to chest for the first time in over six months. 

“Shower,” Q whispered. Then without waiting for James to respond he stepped back and took James’ hand walking towards the bathroom, undoing his own trousers with his free hand, shimmying out of the rest of his clothes as soon as they got through the doorway, never letting go of James’ hand, James’ not saying a word. Tap on, water steamy, Q stepped into the large shower first, backing in, encouraging James to follow him. Then without any pretense Q reached for a flannel and soap and like he did this everyday he lifted James’ arm and he washed him, letting his hands run over all of his skin, and then his other arm, and then his chest and ribs and stomach and shoulders and spine and back. Dropping to his knees Q washed each of James’ legs from his toes to his thighs. Slowly, methodically, gently, it wasn’t perfunctory, it was sensitive and respectful and in his way Q showed James that every single inch of his body was touchable and loved. Standing now in front of him, Q sudsed the flannel one more time and leaning forward to place a gentle, chaste kiss to James’ parted lips before he asked, “may I?” as he reached around, setting the flannel on James’ lower back, clear that he was asking if he could touch the parts of James’ body he had not yet touched. 

“Yes,” James said. James had stood still for all of Q’s exploration, his body taut and tense, but slowly, ever so slowly James began to relax, realizing that Q would do no more than this. That he would touch him everywhere, with reverence and patience, but with no overture or intent. And slowly James came to terms with what it meant to have another person, to have Q, know all there was to know about who he now was and physically what he had dealt with. So when Q asked gently if he could finish, James said yes, and then closed his eyes, his hands which had been loose and hanging at his sides the entire time now raised to Q’s shoulders to hold on. And Q touched him with the same gentle intentionality, the same patient exploration as before. Q’s hands finally smoothed down the front of James’ stomach, sliding across his hips and down to his groin, touching him, but not fondling him, not expecting a response, and then Q went back to his gentle renewed exploration, revisiting James’ chest and tracing the lines of his arms, taking James’ fingers again into his own to hold and squeeze gently. 

“Turn, I’ll wash your hair, and then we’ll be done.” James turned and Q reached for the shampoo, a small amount in the palm of his hand, James’ short cropped hair never needed very much. And it was only then, when Q wasn’t facing James, but looking down across his back did Q allow his emotion to surface on his face. He closed his eyes tightly, pressing his lips together to stifle the deep sob that wanted to escape, knowing now what James’ must have gone through. He washed James’ hair twice, massaging his scalp with his fingertips, knowing how much James’ loved to have his head scratched, and even there Q found a new scar, moving over it like it was never there. His emotions once again in check, Q leaned forward, wrapping his arms under James’ arms and around his chest to pull him close, Q’s chest to James’ back, and then gently placed a warm kiss to James’ shoulder. “Thank you,” Q whispered against his skin. 

“For what?” James chuckled, “I should be thanking you.” 

“For trusting me, for letting me do this.” Q replied. “And your welcome, I suspect you haven’t been this clean in a long time.” 

James actually laughed. 

“How about we head to bed now?” Q suggested and then felt James subconsciously stiffen. “No expectation,” he added quickly. “But I imagine you must feel rather worn out from this.”

James chuckled. “True. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.” 

Q reached forward and turned off the water, then grabbed towels for both of them. “I could feel you quivering. Your muscles didn’t want to relax easily.” 

James sighed. “You could feel that?” 

Q just nodded. 

James nodded as well, “Mmm, you are right, I do think bed sounds like the right option.” 

Once back in the bedroom, Q watched James pull pants on and didn’t say anything, choosing a pair as well, to cover himself, but when James reached for a t-shirt Q stopped him. “Can we go to bed like this?” 

James hesitated, but dropped the t-shirt. “Sorry, it’s been a habit.” 

“That’s okay, and if you are too worn out and need to retreat a bit, I understand.” Q climbed under the duvet, his damp hair immediately getting the pillowcase wet.

James didn’t retrieve the t-shirt, instead quickly whistling for Ellie who came running down the hall and jumped up on the bed, then he flipped off the light and climbed in next to Q. 

Q lay quietly for all of three minutes when he finally decided he needed one more thing, and rolling towards James he propped himself up on his elbow and leaned over to kiss his boyfriend. He pulled back and smiled at James in the near dark of their room. “Sorry, but I really needed that.” 

James reached up, running his hand over Q’s bare shoulder, he was feeling more relaxed at this moment then he had in months. “Well feel free to need some more if you want.” 

Q smiled in relief, then leaned in again, not expecting James would welcome more physical contact tonight, so he focused only on his mouth, and for a long time they kissed each other, deep and warm. Q sucking the pillow of James’ bottom lip between his own over and over, nibbling gently before letting go. James sliding his tongue into Q’s mouth to taste, Q’s tongue rolling with his in response. Slow exploration, stubble brushed chins scratching skin, heated lips slanted together, noses breathing in stutters as each caught their breath. Q had eased himself up and over James, his elbows on either side of James’ neck, forearms, wrists and hands wrapped around James’ head sheltering him as they focused only on each other and the places their lips touched. Q finally retreated, his own responses escalating and not wanting to scare James off, he needed to cool things down, and give them both some space. 

James leaned up on his arm to look down at Q. “You okay?”

“Mmm, I’m more than okay,” Q smiled, reaching up to caress James’ cheek with the palm of his hand. “You? Are you okay?” 

James smiled, “I’m okay.” And that was enough, nothing more to be said, those words carried extra meaning tonight as James leaned down and settled himself into Q’s shoulder, wrapping his leg across Q’s knees and sliding his arm across his waist. It wasn’t often that James was the one to curl around Q. Normally Q was the one to tuck into James’ shoulder because of his slighter form, but this was different and Q sighed with relief as he wrapped his arm around James’ shoulder and pressed a kiss to the blonde hair that brushed his chin. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: I think we are both emotionally and physically exhausted. I know this was hard for him, it was hard for me too. But after all these weeks of trying to flirt with him, believing he just needed the right stimulus I think I finally realized it’s never been about that at all. It’s been about his own insecurity. The look on his face when he undressed in front of me, I've never ever seen him that vulnerable. I honestly think he thought I would reject him, that I wouldn’t want to touch him, that I wouldn’t want to be with him and that breaks my heart all over again. This is about trust. He has to trust me, he has to trust himself, he has to trust us, together. I don't know how far we still have to go to make that happen again, but I have to hope that tonight was a step in that direction. 

~~~


	49. Success!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I just needed to put up the explanation for why I didn't have this ready several days ago in order to get me to focus and get it tidied up. This probably could have/should have been two chapters, but I really like the idea of 50 as a nice final round number. And speaking of Chapter 50, it is going to be a bit. It needs a piece I hadn't planned on, which now I have to fill in, so everyone practice their patience with me for the ending.

Chapter 49: Success!

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Acting Quartermaster: 

Summary: Bugger. 005 crashed the tank through the armory wall and set off all the alarms. I had a hell of a time explaining why Sean wasn’t wearing trousers when it happened, and why I was actually climbing out of the top of the tank at the same time. Q just laughed. Tanner didn’t think it was quite as funny. From now on all dates are happening outside of MI6, and won’t involve a 40,000 kg machine. On the plus side Q and I are using the opportunity to redesign the armory and expand it, now that Sean knocked out a wall for us. 

And in the long list of things I never thought I’d see, I have to comment that Q has a really cute bum. Then I have to remind myself that this is the official lab notebook of the Quartermaster and perhaps I should strike all of these comments from the records. 

-R (Acting, quartermaster, unless Tanner and M have finally had enough after the tank debacle)   
~~~

When James woke up in the morning he rolled over to pull Q close but unsurprisingly found the bed empty, Q undoubtedly out for a morning run. James groaned in frustration and rolled further, intent to use Q’s pillow as a substitute when he realized rolling over resulted in an uncomfortable pressure on his groin. Immediately rolling onto his back he lifted the duvet to look beneath and couldn’t stop the smile that now crept all the way up his face making his eyes crinkle. “Oh, how I’ve missed you,” he said out loud. 

“Missed me? I wasn’t gone that long,” Q said from the doorway having just returned, still sweaty and damp, heading for the shower. He saw James drop the duvet and look up in surprise. “What? Were you not talking to me?” Q said with a chuckle. 

James didn’t move, too surprised at being caught to know how to respond. 

“James?” Q raised his eyebrows. “Who were you talking to?” Leaning against the door frame, pulling his damp t-shirt up to wipe his neck. 

James felt a jolt in his groin, then he smiled realizing Q’s presence was making things even better, momentarily concerned he might wilt when Q surprised him. “My erection,” James said somewhat gleefully. 

Q dropped the corner of his t-shirt, his turn to be surprised. “Really?” 

James nodded, “really.” Then he pulled back Q’s side of the duvet. “Want to come investigate?” 

Q paused, “I’m all sweaty from running, I should shower.” 

“We can wash the sheets. I don’t know how long this will last. I don’t care if you are sweaty, you smell more delectable. I think you sweat earl gray tea. Now get over here.” James insisted. 

Q smiled, toeing off his shoes, stripping off his socks, peeling off his t-shirt, only his shorts left within the very short distance between the door and the bed.

Five minutes later James lay despondent, staring at the ceiling, Q still propped on his elbow next to him. “Don’t be disappointed. The fact that…”

“Don’t say it.” James stopped him. “I know it’s a step forward. But buggin, buggery, bollocks, god damn, shit, fuck, damn it all to bloody hell. SERIOUSLY??!!”

Q actually laughed. 

“It’s not funny Q!” James rolled towards him to give him a horribly nasty look. 

“No… sorry…” Q tried to stop. “It’s not, you are right. I’m sorry.” Then he started giggling again. “Sorry,” he said through his laughter. He couldn’t stop.

“Stop it!” James insisted, but Q’s laugh was infectious and James started to laugh too. “Goddamn it Q,” James said as the speed of his laugh picked up. “Stop laughing.” But that just made it worse and by the time they both managed to pull themselves together they both had tear streaked faces and sore stomach muscles. 

Q lay on his back looking at the ceiling as he slowly regained his composure, and then reached over, not even looking, to find James’ hand with his own. “It will happen again,” he said, looking over now with a sweet look of encouragement on his face. 

James sighed, bringing Q’s hand to his mouth to kiss his fingers, “I know. But how very disappointing.” 

“I know.” Q reassured him. He wouldn’t try to convince him otherwise, because he knew it would be false. “I’m going to shower. Do you want to join me?” 

James shook his head no, “you go ahead. I’m just going to lay here and wallow in self-pity for a while longer.” 

Q nodded. “Fair enough,” he said as he climbed from the bed to go clean up. “But you know where I’ll be if you change your mind.” He stopped and turned back in the doorway, “because I’m sure you are smart enough to realize what happened this morning is probably because you trusted me enough last night to touch you. I’m happy to repeat that as often as you like.” He didn’t wait for James to respond, his goal wasn’t to pressure him, just to reinforce his offer. 

Five minutes later James joined him in the shower, and twenty minutes later they found themselves back in the bedroom, Q doing everything he could to gently encourage James, his tongue and fingers dancing lightly over James’ cock, which seemed more than willing to play along this time. The orgasm that finally shook him as Q held him warmly in his hand made James tear up in both pleasure and pain, Q smiling like a Cheshire cat when James was done. “Right… Well, I’d call that a success.” 

James laughed warmly through his heaving pants, reached down to pull Q up to his level, wanting to kiss him. “Bloody hell that felt good, but christ that also hurt like hell.” 

“I’m sure,” Q kissed him warmly. “That’s been building for a while I suspect.” 

“Mmm,” James sighed. “let’s hope it happens again soon.” 

“Indeed,” Q nodded. “Now I think we probably both need another shower.” 

“And then we have to go to work. Tanner texted before I came to join you in the shower the first time, M and Tanner want to see both of us.” James said.

Q furrowed his brow and huffed out a sigh, “Do you think that means what I think it means?” 

James rolled up onto his elbow, leaning down to kiss Q’s bare shoulder. “I think we both know what it means.” 

“Then I guess we both better shower and go to work,” Q sighed. 

~~~

“Good morning James, good morning Q,” Eve smiled at both of them as they walked into her office. 

“Eve,” Q nodded.   
“Moneypenny,” James beamed at her with a cheeky grin. 

“Well you look awfully cheerful James, what has you so happy today?” Eve said with a turn of her head and a click of her long fingernails on chin.

“I’ve had a very good start to my day,” James beamed. 

He had actually been beaming since they had climbed out of bed to take their communal shower. He beamed at Q through wet shower droplets, his hands everywhere trying to help Q wash, which wasn’t helpful in the slightest. He beamed over coffee. He even beamed at the cats, and Q laughed when Benjamin tilted his head in curiosity and came up to sniff at James’ mouth trying to figure out why he looked rather ridiculous, making James’ pick him up and scruff up his neck, repeating this with both Penelope and Eleanor before Q finally got James pulled together to leave the flat. Then he beamed at the Pret-a-manger cashier when she told him to have a nice day, and he replied, “Oh, I already have.” Q had just rolled his eyes and grabbed the breakfast to go bag. 

Q had tried to get him to ease off the dopey grin as they walked into MI6 together, “James, tone it down will you? I know you are happy about this morning, but Eve is going to know something is up if you don’t knock it off.”

“Yes, well something is up, me, I’m up.” James had reached out to pinch Q’s arse as they came through the door making Q jump and leap a step forward, turning quickly to shush him again. 

“You’re not again are you?” Q actually asked. “Up… again? I mean?” As they stepped into the elevator, pushing the button for the floor to M’s office.

James snickered, “not at this very moment, no, but I plan to be again before the day is out, so you can just prepare yourself now.” 

Then James had opened the door to Eve’s office and the conversation had started yet again. And when James told Eve he had a very good start to his day and Eve quirked her head looking at both of them before narrowing her eyes trying to figure out what was going on, Q had just rolled his eyes dramatically again and grabbed James’ wrist, “come on James, M is waiting.” 

M and Tanner were both waiting and looked up when Q and James entered the office. “Ah good, your both here,” M said, double a quick double take at the smile on Bond’s face then thinking twice about asking about it. “Both of you, take a seat,” M motioned to the longer table where Tanner now headed, folders in hand. 

“We have a mission,” Tanner started, “now that Bond has been cleared for active field duty again.”

“And we want Q to join you on it.” M added looking at both of them to see what reaction he’d get. But they had already talked about the likelihood of this in the car on the way over so neither were surprised and neither flinched, nor did they glance at one another in acknowledgement. They both just accepted the folders and opened them to review. 

“We are going to the Azores?” James looked up in surprise. “Is this a surprise vacation gift?” 

Q just said quietly, “guess I’ll have to pack sunscreen.” 

“Alas no, but it should be quick, hopefully only a day or two at the most. Given what we know about the data encryption that came back when 003 tried to use Riley’s thumb drive to extract the data two days ago, we think having Q on the ground to hack directly is more likely to be successful. This group has gotten smart and aren’t leaving electronic signatures, they’ve gone dark from the internet so Q can’t hack it remotely.” 

“So you basically want me to be his bodyguard?” James asked. “Because quite honestly I don’t think he actually needs one. I think he’s more lethal than I am. But I sure as hell won’t let him go alone.” 

“I think that’s probably true actually,” Q answered under his breath, “but you’re right I have no intention of going alone.” He said more loudly looking over at James and then up at M. “The history of this group is problematic for me. They are the ones…”

“We know,” Tanner interrupted, “but we have complete faith that you and 007 can do this successfully.” 

Q nodded and sighed, “right.” Then he closed the folder and placed it on the table. 

“Questions?” M asked as James finished reviewing the file and closed it as well. 

James looked at M, “when do we have to leave, there are a few things that I… that we still need to sort before we can go.” 

“Tomorrow,” M answered, “we have eyes on them and unless they move in the next few hours you don’t need to leave immediately.”

“I still have a few field tests I haven’t taken,” Q added, “James may be cleared, but I don’t think I officially am yet.” Q looked at James and raised his eyebrows, “and we both will need new trackers.” 

James raised his eyebrows and snickered at Q, “joy, those are always fun,” he said as he shook his head. 

“Report to Riley for those, she’ll have them ready for both of you.” Tanner answered. 

“007, Q” M nodded, “let us know what you need.”

“Don’t you mean 00Q?” James clarified, “if you are really sending him into the field, let’s be clear about what you expect.” James’ happy attitude from this morning was quickly dissipating at the idea of being in the field with Q in potentially real danger. 

“I don’t expect either of you to have to kill anyone if Q can do this quietly, but yes, you both will be outfitted with weapons, and you’ll both be going as double 0 status on file.” 

Q could feel James start to vibrate in frustration beside him, and he reached over and placed one hand on James’ arm to stop him, not even turning his head to look at him. “I can do it quietly,” Q said. “I don’t intend to pull any triggers.” 

“Good,” M nodded, “report to Riley when you are ready.”

“Very good sir,” James acknowledged now pushing to a stand, Q following suit. They both turned to go and looked at one another before stepping away from the table. James’ face softened when he saw the look in Q’s eyes. They both acknowledged it with just a glance and then Q stepped forward heading for the door, James following him a step behind. 

Eve noticed the change in James’ expression when they walked out the door, the beaming smile now gone. “Everything okay?” she asked. Of course she knew what was on that agenda, but still she asked. 

“Fine,” Q said with a terse nod and huffed breath. “Just heading downstairs.” 

“James?” Eve asked. 

James just nodded and pursed his lips, puffing out his cheeks briefly, “it’s a brave new world,” he said quietly, echoing his very first sentiment after meeting Q at the national gallery so very long ago. 

~~~

“Try not to flinch for this one sir, they don’t hurt as much if you can keep your muscle relaxed,” Riley said as she hit the plunger on the injector and Q seized up with a jerk. 

“Fucking hell,” Q cursed, then shot a glare at James who was still rubbing his own arm, the sting of his own injection not yet subsided. “Don’t you dare say a word.” 

“I didn’t say a thing,” James snickered. Then added, “the one that goes in your arse hurts even more, just so you know.”

Q closed his eyes as he stood up and turned to undo his belt buckle and pull his trousers down to bare one cheek to Riley. 

Then James couldn’t help but add, “good thing I already have that one.” Just as Riley injected the next one and Q yelped in surprise, then a muffled curse caught between his teeth as he bit down hard to squelch the pain. 

“Uh huh,” James couldn’t help himself. “And you always seemed to take so much glee in doing that to me,” he smirked at Q. 

Riley excused herself, “be right back, I’m out of plasters.” 

Q just sighed and leaned forward over the table as he laid his forehead on the back of his hand waiting for the throbbing to subside. When Riley closed the door he looked up at James, “well since you are taking such glee in this, don’t even think about touching my arse tonight. I don’t think I’m going to be able to sit down, let alone do anything else.” 

James frowned, then shook his head, “nah, nothing an ice pack, and a kiss on the butt cheek from me can’t make feel better.”

“Oh yeah?” Q said looking back at his butt cheek, which was still bright pink and throbbing. “I don’t know about that.” 

“Mmm, I do, I have plans for your arse tonight.” James declared.

“Oh really?” Q said with a bit of disbelief in his voice. 

“Yes really, I have every intention to…” but James stopped quickly as Riley came in the room with a pack of plasters. 

“To what James?” Q dared him to continue as he hiked up his trousers and cinched his belt. 

James raised his eyebrows with a “do you really think I won’t say this in front of her?” look. 

Q quickly turned his attention to Riley, suddenly not wanting James to continue. “It’s okay Riley, it’s not bleeding. I’m fine.” But the first step he took made his arse tighten and nearly cramp and he had to take a double step to catch himself. “Don’t you dare…” he held up his hand at James. 

James just pursed his lips tightly closed, fighting back a grin and went to open the door for Q. 

Q turned back to Riley, “I’ll code the Walthers and pull the rest of the equipment and check the log with you before the end of the day.” 

Riley just nodded, then looked at James and mouthed a quiet “sorry,” as she pointed at Q’s arse. 

James gave her a cheeky half smile, then leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, “it was worth it to see his response.” He whispered back as Q hobbled into the hall. “And I’m sure he’ll be fine. Thanks R.” 

“Anytime 007,” she smiled. 

Then James turned back one more time, “and R, if you ever need any help with 005 let me know. He’s a good guy. I’m glad you and he…”

Riley blushed beat red but couldn’t help the smile on her face. “Thanks 007, I’ll keep that in mind.” 

And with that James gave her a big smile and went to find his bruised boyfriend in the armory to get his gun. 

~~~

Q was quiet and focused for the rest of the day, and James let him be. He was still introspective on the ride home and immediately grabbed his laptop when they got back to the flat, climbing onto the couch to continue researching. James fed the pacing felines as he watched Q work then pulled together a quick dinner, knowing Q wasn’t going to touch very much of it tonight regardless of what he made. Benji, always more interested in watching what James was doing, now sat perched on top of the refrigerator looking down with his big green eyes as James made sandwiches, reaching up to feed Benji little pieces of cheese and meat as he finished them up, before reaching up to retrieve the sable colored cat, plopping him next to Penny on the floor, both who went to find Q in the other room while James cleaned up. 

Q had been reading and rereading the file M had given them, his laptop on one knee, looking at old files and data, when Penelope jumped up into his lap and immediately curled into the vee of his legs as he sat with his legs pulled up and splayed, criss-crossed at the ankle on the couch. Eleanor as always was on the cushion behind him. He was determined to understand as much as he could about what was going on in the Azores before they left. 

“Here, eat,” James said putting a plate in front of Q, balanced on his other knee. 

“Later,” Q quipped.

James rolled his eyes, “no now, because later will never happen.” 

“Fine,” Q said reaching for the sandwich and nibbling at it, still trying to type with one hand. 

Penelope stretched her front legs, pulling into Q’s trousers with her front claws as she yawned. Benjamin, who had quickly fallen into a nap beside him on the couch cushion now was alert as well and stretched to pull himself closer to Penelope, his front paws coming over Q’s leg to tangle with hers, trying to get her to play. She batted at him and pulled them back, curling half upside down in Q’s lap, offering her belly for a scratch. Q put the sandwich down and reached down to scratch her without even thinking about it, turning his attention back to the laptop.

James came around and scooped up Benji, flipping him upside down to drape around his neck, Benji more than happy to view the world from upside down as James now sat beside Q, reaching to shut his laptop lid. 

But Q didn’t move his fingers, instead looking up with a sigh. “James. Please…”

“Enough, we have time to do this research tomorrow. Eat.” 

Q slowly pulled his fingers out of the laptop letting James close it and set it on the coffee table, then reached for the sandwich to prove to James that he wasn’t going to starve. 

“Q, I want to talk about self-defense before we go out on this first mission together?” James asked.

“What do you mean? You know I’m good with a gun.” Q said not giving James his full attention as he took another bite of sandwich and continued to scratch Penelope, then holding up his sandwich to keep it out of Benji’s reach as he stood tall trying to get it from him.

“Not just with a gun.”

Q looked up at him now, studying James’ face before answering. “I can take care of myself.” 

“I don’t mean out run them either Q.” James added. 

“I can take care of myself,” Q said again. 

James just looked at him and raised his eyebrows in question not saying a word. 

“Oh for the love of pete,” Q put down the sandwich and stood up with a huff, “stand up,” he said. 

“Why?” James smirked, but followed his direction. 

Q reached up with his fingers to grab the vagus nerve in James’ neck, his other hand pressing James’ wrist to the side and back, while he pulled his heel behind James’ knee and took him down onto his back onto the couch with almost no effort, careful to avoid the floor given James’ past injuries. Then he quickly sat down across his boyfriend, straddling his stomach, as he reached and pulled both of James’ arms up over his head, leaning down to place a kiss to James’ mouth before saying, “see… I can take care of myself.” Then he let him go and climbed to a stand, leaving James gobsmacked on the couch. 

“Jesus, Q, where the bloody hell did you learn that?” James slowly sat up on the couch, feeling slowly returning to his arms and legs, his neck still tingling from where Q had pinched him. 

Q sighed and turned to grab his laptop and his sandwich plate to go work at the kitchen table. “Let’s just say it wasn’t easy being a skinny gay teenager where I grew up.” 

James pursed his lips in consternation, his brow furrowing, his immediate reaction to the recognition that Q must have been bullied. Then another puzzle piece slid into place and he frowned. “Q…”

“What?” he asked his attention already back on the laptop. 

“I met your father.” 

Now Q slowly raised his head to look at James, and James could tell Q was doing everything he could to keep the expression on his face neutral. “When?”

“When I was looking for you, when you were in Berlin.” 

“I see…” Q said, “I imagine you didn’t receive a particularly warm reception.” 

“No, I didn’t. And I didn’t understand it at the time.” James said. “Did you ever have to use those skills against him?”

“Only once.” Q said honestly. 

“Only once, because then you left. Am I right?” 

“Yes,” Q nodded and took a shallow breath. 

“But you used your skills against other bullies before and maybe after that as well didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Q said, “I took lessons in kenpo taiji, which taught me how to use nerve centers in martial arts. It was the quickest way I learned to defend myself. Eventually they learned to leave me alone.” 

James nodded slowly, looking at the floor, “and did your father encourage the bullies, or just not support you?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Q answered. “Why, what did he say to you when you met him?” Q suddenly felt a stir of panic start to swirl. 

“It doesn’t matter,” James replied. He wasn’t going to hurt Q any further. 

Q frowned “must have been pretty bad if you won’t tell me.”

James didn’t reply to that but continued, “when you told me before that you try not to judge other people, but have always felt judged, when you told me you had always felt alone and lost… you were talking about your father weren’t you. Where was your mother in all of this? You told me she used to put lavender and peppermint oil on you?” 

Q sat back in his chair, his hands in his lap for a moment, not looking at James, before he took a breath and nodded to himself, turning to stand and come to where James was sitting again. “She wasn’t around much.” Q knew this was the beginning of a longer conversation that they were overdue to have.

“Did he bully her too?” James jumped to a conclusion.

“No, just me and only when she wasn’t around. He wasn’t awful at first. Even when he suspected that I was gay, after he caught me kissing a boy behind our house when I was fourteen.” Q paused, “never saw that boy again after that. My father was a big man, and what he screamed at the two of us pretty much assured that the boy was never coming around my house again.” 

James didn’t interrupt, Q had reached out to take his hand, his thumb brushing slowly over James’ fingers over and over, but he wasn’t looking at him, Q was in his own head space. 

Q continued, “I think he hoped it was just a bad choice, that I was experimenting. But when it became clear my interest in boys wasn’t going away and after that, even though I was so very careful to never bring anyone near the house again, he began to verbally bully me. He wasn’t a kind man.” 

Q felt James squeeze his hand and paused, looking up briefly to catch James’ expression. Q offered a weak smile to try to ease the stress from James’ face. “It wasn’t until it became clear that I was smarter than he was, that was what pushed him over the edge, that was when he got physical.” He saw the look on James’ face immediately and tried to reassure him. “It’s okay… I knew I was smarter than he was, long before he figured it out. I hid it from him. I did actually take apart microwaves in the basement you know.” He chuckled, looking again at James, “you teased me about that once, and you weren’t far off.” 

“Where was your mother in all of this Q?” 

Q sat back on the couch, letting go of James’ hand. Pausing to consider how much to reveal. Then Q made an independent decision, MI6 regulations be damned. If he and James were now going to be in the field together he’d rather James know everything. Especially given James had already proven that nothing could break him, if he hadn’t given up information on Q to the Bellarussians Q was pretty sure no one was getting information, ever. James held secrets closer than anyone Q had ever met. Except for maybe his mother. 

“My mother is the one who encouraged me to pursue my education. She saw something in me early and she’s the reason I am who I am today. When I was about thirteen she got me connected to a neighbor who was interested in computers and programming. I caught the bug and before I ever completed secondary school, I had already amassed a significant amount of money doing projects for various companies, my neighbor taking the credit for the work, since I wasn’t yet an adult and it was his business, but he always gave me the money for the work I had done. He was above boards that way. Plus he had a crush on me.” Q laughed ironically. 

“Did you sleep with him?” James asked. 

Q shook his head, “No, never. He was respectful. But when I was fifteen, and I knew by then that I was definitely only interested in boys I started noticing how he would look at me. I wondered what it would be like to have someone older pay attention to me that way and I flirted with him until he kissed me. But he knew I was underage. He probably wanted to fuck me, but he knew better. And besides, I wasn’t really attracted to him.” 

“So he’s not the one who took your virginity.” James smirked. 

“What is it with you wanting to know who took my virginity?” Q quipped. “I can tell you that quickly, because it wasn’t a big deal. I was in University, my first year. The boy who lived at the end of the hall in my dorm, well I guess he wasn’t technically a boy, neither was I. But we sure weren’t adults yet. His name was Kevin. We got drunk on bad cheap vodka, I barely remember it. Only knew it had happened because I was sore the next day.”

“Q…” James had never intended for any of this conversation to happen. 

“No, it’s okay. He told me later that we actually did each other, he took my virginity, and apparently I took his. But I didn’t remember that either. Don’t know how I managed to get an erection when I was that drunk but I just took his word for it. Needless to say, I didn’t drink vodka again for a good long while, and I didn’t sleep with anyone else for a good long while either.” Q wrinkled his nose at the memory then his eyes went wide and he turned to look at James, “oh, and he’s the one who first taught me how to shoot.” 

“Really? In uni? Was it through video games?” 

“Ha, ha, funny,” Q rolled his eyes. “No, it was his hobby. He’d grown up in the countryside on an estate.” 

“Oh, a posh boy was he?” 

“Actually no, he was the son of a groundskeeper. But after I figured out I had skill at it, I started learning at a range. It was a good way to burn off frustration.”

“Yes, I know that feeling.” James snickered. “So, when did you leave home?” 

“When I was sixteen. I sat early for A levels, my father found out when my scores came in the mail and he got to them before I could. He came after me, accusing me of being deceitful and ungrateful for all he’d done for me, accused me of being like my mother. When he hit me, I took him to the floor, I did more to him then I did to you, and he was briefly unconscious. It gave me a few minutes to grab some clothes and my backpack, which had my computer and a few other things and I walked out the door.”

“And your mum?” 

“My mum died when I was fifteen.” Q said quietly. 

“How?” James asked, knowing if Q didn’t want to answer he wouldn’t push on that right now. 

Q took a deep breath and pulled his legs up in front of him, wrapping his arms around them as he sunk deeper into the couch. James could tell just from Q’s body language that this wasn’t going to be good. 

“Was it your father?” James asked, already formulating a plan to go back and punch the arse for what he already knew he had done to Q. 

Q shook his head, no. “No, my father told me it was a car accident.” 

“But it wasn’t?” 

“No it wasn’t. Well it wasn’t just a simple accident.” Q looked up at James, about to cross the line he knew he shouldn’t cross. “My mother worked for MI6.” 

“WHAT?” James had been petting Ellie who had climbed into his lap, but his hands clenched in her fur when he responded to Q’s statement and Ellie jerked away, leaping off his lap. “What do you mean your mother worked for MI6?” 

Q sighed and bit at his bottom lip briefly looking around the flat. He already knew their flat wasn’t bugged by MI6 because he was the one responsible for monitoring them, but he was still cautious. “My mother was a code breaker for them. My father didn’t know. To this day I don’t know what my mum saw in him, but she met him when she had to bring in her car to be serviced. I think she was attracted to the fact that he was straightforward, and unlike everyone around her, he wasn’t immersed in a world of secrets. My father was a mechanic.”

“So that’s where you got your skills.” James chuckled.

“Ironic isn’t it. But no, I never learned any of those skills from him.” Q paused, his hands were nervous, his fingers fidgeting with the fabric of his trousers that stretched across his knees. “My mum was already working for MI6 when she met him, but she told everyone she worked as a secretary, a stenographer. In a way, that wasn’t too far off what she did really.”

“Q, when did you figure all of this out?” James shifted closer to him on the couch, reaching up to still Q’s hands with his own. 

“When I started working for MI6. I think it’s why they were so interested in me earlier, they knew who I was. When they hired me they shared her file with me. Well, they shared a redacted version of it. I went searching the data bases for the rest of it. They don’t know I know everything.” 

“So you thought from age fifteen until you came to MI6 that she died in a car accident?” 

“Yes,” Q nodded. “Although it never sat right with me.” 

“So how did she really die?” James knew Q was in far enough now that he would tell him everything. 

Q paused, his mouth quirking sideways as he continued to chew his bottom lip before finally looking back up at James. “She was the one who noticed I could reason and solve problems like she could. She was the one who encouraged me. But she was involved with MI6 before the world of the internet we have today. As she got better and better at breaking code, they started sending her out.” 

“She was a field agent?” James asked. 

Q nodded, “she was a code breaker in the field yes. And it turns out she was apparently a really good marksman. Marks woman?” Q rephrased. 

“Well this all sounds familiar.” James smiled. 

“Mmm, well maybe the skills are genetic. She wasn’t the one who taught me shoot remember?” 

“I suspect you got her hand eye coordination. I’m also guessing you look like your mum. Because you certainly don’t look like your dad.” 

“It’s hard for me to remember. I don’t have many pictures of her, and she left for the last time before I was full grown, but yes, I think I’m built like she was.” 

“She was gone more and more when I turned about age eleven. It used to infuriate my father. She would tell him she had to travel to support her boss at business meetings. I think my father thought she was having an affair. He became more and more angry all the time. And he certainly didn’t appreciate being left to raise me essentially on his own most of the time.” 

“Couldn’t have helped when he caught you kissing boys,” James added. 

“No, that definitely didn’t help.” 

“And then one day she just didn’t come back.” Q said quietly. “I found out in her files that she actually was killed in a car crash, but that it been intentional, it wasn’t an accident. She was forced off the road with two other agents who were in the car with her by the military junta in Azerbaijan.” 

James didn’t say anything, letting Q decide what he wanted to say next. 

“It was shortly after that, that I took my A levels. Then I left home. My father became unbearable after my mum died.” 

“Orphan.” James said quietly.

“Essentially,” Q acknowledged. “MI6 prefers them don’t they? I enrolled in uni after that, and used the money I had earned already to pay for it. And it turns out my mum left her MI6 life insurance policy in my name, not my fathers. That was the first time MI6 reached out to me actually, although they used my mother’s business cover when they tracked me down in University.”

“Universal exports?” James asked. 

“Yep. I used some of the money to buy the house in the Midlands, that’s the town where my mum grew up, and the warehouse in Greenwich, really more of investments then anything else. But while I was in graduate school when the terrorist group started coming after me to do computer espionage for them, after my research on data encryption and omega sites had been published I changed the titles on the houses so I’d have a safe space where no one could find me.”

“Your bolt holes.” 

“My bolt holes.” Q nodded. “I didn’t buy the warehouse in Berlin until Peter and I were together, and after I left him, I never bothered to sell it. I didn’t need the money and I didn’t want to have anything more to do with him. But when I needed a place to go after the Bellarussians, I checked on it.”

“You didn’t know until then that Peter had died?” 

“No, I didn’t know.” 

“Do you own any other property I should be aware of?” James asked with a smirk.

Q shook his head. “No, nothing else.” 

James nodded, this was all a lot to take in. “Okay… so now I know where you got your coding and tech skills, and where you learned to shoot, and why you learned self defense.” Then James looked at him, one eyebrow raised, “but where did you learn to drive like a scary maniac?” 

Q smiled broadly and laughed, “video games in Uni.” 

James burst out laughing. “Are you serious?”

“Yes I’m serious. Then when I was in Germany for graduate school, one of the labs in my engineering building worked on German cars and I got to practice on the track. The graduate students were basically the crash test dummies.”

“Did you ever crash?” James asked.

“Never,” Q beamed at him, “I probably still hold the record for the fastest lap, going backwards.” 

James just shook his head. 

“So see… I told you, that you don’t have to worry about me. I can take care of myself.” 

James nodded, “yes, you certainly can.” Then he reached over with his free hand to turn Q’s chin towards him, placing the softest of kisses to his lips. “But how about from now on we take care of each other?” 

Q nodded, his eyes welling up with emotion at James’ words, catching him by surprise. 

James smiled, moved at the emotion he now saw on Q’s face, leaning in, his hand sliding around the nape of his neck to pull him closer, offering a long deep lingering kiss to entice him. “Let me take you to bed, I’d like to take care of you in other ways at the moment, if you don’t mind.” 

Q hiccupped a laugh, reaching up to wipe his eyes with the back of his hands as he nodded, taking James’ hand. “How about we take care of each other.” 

But when Q went to stand the first thing he felt was his arse clench. “Bugger,” he caught his breath, reaching back to grab at his sore cheek. 

“What?” James asked. 

“Nothing,” Q tried to ignore it, gingerly turning to head for the hallway and the bedroom. 

James wrinkled his nose and shook his head, “you actually are really sore aren’t you?” 

“It’s fine,” Q lied and took another step nearly tripping over Benjamin who got underfoot slinking around his legs. When he reached back to grab his sore cheek again he raised his eyebrows at James, “well, maybe it’s a little tender.” 

James sighed, “we’ll just have to be creative.” 

“I’m sure we’ll figure out something,” Q chuckled, “are you actually up for this again tonight?” 

“I have lost time to make up for,” James snickered, “and now that everything seems to working again, I’m not letting it go to waste.”

“Right,” Q sighed, “well just be gentle with me.” 

“I can be gentle,” James smiled as he came up behind Q who had finally reached the bedroom and reached around to help him undo shirt buttons and belt buckle. 

Q leaned back turning his face to James as he offered his mouth for a kiss, “I know you can.” Then he turned in James’ arms and undressed James, as James undressed him in return. 

Climbing into bed, lights turned low, for a very long time they just enjoyed each other, fingers stroking over skin, mouths tasting, lips pulling slowly along lines of muscle as teeth nibbled gently. Both knew tomorrow could be treacherous and there was an energy in the air between them, making this feel important and worth taking their time. James was definitely responding, arching into Q’s hands as Q explored. It was amazing what a little success could do to rebuild confidence, and James had never been a man to lack confidence. So now that he had it back, he was using all of Q’s reactions and his own to refill the well, to slack his thirst for physical connection. And while James’ certainly ran his hands over all of Q, including his tender back side, they had absolutely no problem satisfying each other without dragging Q’s sore arse into the mix of activities that kept them busy under the duvet. Q making sure James was happily successful for the second time that day. 

Finally worn out all of Q’s muscles were warm and limp, the endorphins completely masking the ache he felt everywhere R had injected trackers under his skin. Lying on his stomach, his cheek cushioned in a pillow he closed his eyes as he smiled and let out a contented sigh. He felt James shift but paid him no attention, assuming he was headed to the door to let the cats back in the bedroom. Penelope and Eleanor had scampered out as soon as they heard the strange sounds coming from under the duvet. Benjamin, however had received a flying exit thanks to James after the curious youngster had tried to investigate and James had felt paws slip under the covers trying to join them. 

But James wasn’t actually leaving the bed, he was just shifting lower and Q felt James’ breath against his skin just a moment before he felt his teeth. Q’s eyes opened wide as his entire body jerked in response, his hands clenching into the pillow below him. “FUCK!” Q planted his face for a second before whipping it around to look back at James who now lay with his cheek on Q’s other throbbing butt cheek, the duvet now pulled down exposing both of them to the cold air. “Did you seriously just bite me on the arse?” 

“Yes,” James smiled. 

“Why the hell did you just bite my other cheek? I already had one sore cheek, now both of them are going to hurt.” Q was trying to turn, to force James to stop using his sore arse as a pillow. “Seriously, what the bloody hell?”

“I’ve been thinking about leaving a new mark somewhere on you for a while now. The fact that Riley implanted a tracker in your other cheek wasn’t part of my plan. But after you tattooed my bite mark on your neck I’ve needed a new spot.” 

“So you chose my arse? My arse is the new spot you plan to bite?” Q reached down to feel his throbbing cheek. “Am I bleeding?”

“No, you are not bleeding.” James huffed, before reaching down to pinch his butt one more time before climbing back up the bed to lie beside him. 

“So why there? You just wanted to remind me that you are always planning to be a pain in my arse?” Q laughed now that the pain was subsiding. 

“Maybe,” James winked at him. “Or maybe I’ve just always wanted to sink my teeth into that plush bum of yours.” 

“I’m not showing this one to Eve.” Q sighed, reaching back again to feel the tender spot, which now included James dentition mark. 

“No, I prefer that you don’t.” James snickered. “And I’m glad Riley doesn’t need access to your backside again.”

“Oh god, remember when I had Riley insert that tracker along your hip and she saw that bite I had left there?” 

“Mmm, she was very professional about it, didn’t say a word, even if her eyes did dart up at mine for a moment.” James snickered. 

“Besides Eve, who you texted using my phone, I think Riley was probably the next person to know what had happened between us.” Q laughed.

“Oh, I think most people knew right away, given all the marks you left on my neck.” James chuckled. 

Q sighed, reaching up to touch the tattooed bite just below his ear. 

James saw him do it, and reached over to take his hand, linking their fingers together, bringing Q’s fingertips to his mouth to kiss. “We’ve had a long road together. It’s taken us a long time to get here.” 

Q sighed again, the smallest nod to acknowledge James’ comment. 

“You’re thinking about the Azores mission again aren’t you,” James squeezed his hand. 

Q closed his eyes tightly and buried his head in James’ neck and shoulder, reaching around him to tug him close. “This one makes me nervous James. You know this is one of the groups that tried to get me to work for them,” Q said. 

“I know,” James acknowledged. “But that was years ago, and you are no longer the independent computer genius without back up. Now you have MI6.”

“Now I have you,” Q clarified, pulling back to look up at James. Reaching up to run his hand along James’ cheek feeling him turn his jaw into his palm scruffing himself along Q’s fingers. 

“Now you have me,” James smiled and turned his mouth to kiss Q’s palm. “And we’ll be fine.” James wrapped his arm around him and pulled him in tight again. Bending his neck to kiss the top of Q’s head. “Because I’ll kill anyone who gets too close to you,” he said quietly. 

Q smiled and chuckled against James’ shoulder. “How romantic. Most boyfriends just joke about that.”

“Well I’m not most boyfriends.” James snickered. 

“No…” Q looked up at James, studying his face earnestly. “No, you are not.” 

“And neither are you.” James said with a warm smile. “Now kiss me again, and then we need to sleep. We have a big day tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, and it starts with me having to get on an airplane.” Q lamented.

James laughed, “are you more worried about that or the bad guys with the guns?” 

“Not sure.” Q answered honestly. “Guess we’ll just have to wait and see.” 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: 

Tomorrow I officially become 00Q. This isn’t what I wanted. I wanted to slip away with James and live a safe, sedate, long life together. At least that’s what I thought I wanted. 

I hadn’t planned to tell James about my mum, but I have to admit I feel like not only a weight has been lifted, I have no more secrets from him, but I also feel energized and maybe even a little excited. I feel like perhaps I’m following in her footsteps just a bit. I think she’d be proud of me.

And part of me really wants to show up on my father’s doorstep with James beside me and show him what I’ve become, and who I’m with. But I won’t. No good will come of that and I’ll regret it later, I know I will. But I can still fantasize about it. The bullying bastard, I can guess what he said to James, and I think I’m glad James won’t say the words. I don’t want to hear them come from James mouth. 

But today is a day for focusing on success. James and I have so much to celebrate. He’s back to the swaggering sexually charged boyfriend I’ve been missing for a while. It really was about trust, and confidence. And his is back in spades. It makes my heart happy to see him beam like he did this morning, and then again tonight. I’ve missed this part of our relationship, and it’s not even the sex, which is fantastic, but it’s the way we so easily share space. The way he invites me in. I feel whole again and I didn’t even realize that part of me was missing until it came back and filled back in tonight. 

Even if he did bite me on the arse. The arse. I’m not getting that one tattooed. Ever. No wonder sex feels so good, I never realized I have such a sensitive bum. 

~~~


	50. Flying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo.... it's taken me more than a week to post a new chapter because I was determined for chapter 50 to be the last one. But then I wrote myself into a corner as I edited it, and it needed to grow and it took me a week to admit that, but once I did, well... now I'm predicting 52 chapters to actually reach the end. Hope that's not a problem for anyone, because well... it can't be helped. It didn't make sense given the spacing and plot to force three chapters into one, so I had to let it grow. 
> 
> Now finally back to the (first) adventure of 007 and 00Q

Chapter 50: Flying

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: First official entry since reinstatement as quartermaster. Although given the newly added components to my job description, Riley will still be serving as quartermaster when I am called into the field. 

Having reviewed all of Riley’s entries since my departure, I believe she and I may need to review what information is relevant for official and PERMANENT logs of MI6 and perhaps what information she may want to redact. Pretty sure the play by play of her lunches with 005 and how they ended up driving a tank through the armory wall are not necessarily pertinent to the long term records of Q-branch, although it does indeed document why we suddenly had to remodel the armory and could finally put in the flame testing room. 

I anticipate leaving Riley in charge for the next two days based on the expected mission parameters. She and I have reviewed the communications plan to stay in touch with 007 and I while we are under cover. I trust Riley to track our progress and report on developments to M’s office as appropriate. 

All of this is of course contingent on me actually getting on an airplane this morning. While I know it is completely irrational, and my career is based on rational decision making at all times, I’m currently unsure about whether I’ll actually be able to complete this mission. 

(I’ve left a personal journal for Riley on her desk as a thank you gift for all of her support over the last several months.) 

 

~~~

Q was awake well before James, reading, reviewing, packing, repacking, sending e-mails to Eve asking her to check on the cats in case this took longer then the two days Tanner predicted. When James finally emerged from the bedroom, still in his pyjama bottoms he grabbed a cup of coffee and the paper and sat in the wingback chair to read it. 

“What are you doing?” Q came to a stop in front of him, looking at him with exasperation.

James looked up slowly, took a sip of his coffee and said, “I’m reading the paper. It’s important to know the headlines of the day in our line of work.” 

“We are leaving soon, and you haven’t even packed. You can’t just sit there and read the paper.” Q was sounding particularly edgy this morning.

James raised his eyebrows and took another sip of coffee. “Just because you are frantic and scaring the cats by racing around the flat doesn’t mean I have to do the same. I packed before I came out here, I just want ten minutes to drink my coffee before our world gets turned upside down for the next few days.” 

Q stood there, holding his gaze, narrowing his eyes, mentally trying to get James to get up and start moving but when James didn’t even blink, Q finally stomped his foot and spun to head back to the bedroom with a frustrated huff. “Fine, read your paper.” 

James just snickered and shook his head. He always survived stroppy Q by not engaging him, although on occasion it was fun to wind him up even more. Q was his most witty when he was stroppy. But he knew Q was nervous about this trip; from the airplane to the people they were being sent to infiltrate. Best thing James could do for him was to stay calm and level headed. Ten minutes later he set down his paper, took his mug to the sink and went to find Q, who hadn’t come back out of the bedroom. When he walked in the bedroom door he frowned at the sight, “Q, are you okay?” 

Q was lying on his back on the bed, knees up and pressed together, feet akimbo. He was fully dressed, his hands over his face as all three cats sat around him trying to figure out what he was doing, Benji sniffing at the tip of his nose that protruded from between his fingers. “You prep for travel your way, I prep for travel my way. Leave me alone for another five minutes.” Q answered, his voice muffled from behind his hands. 

James sighed, leaning his head against the doorframe watching his boyfriend struggle with anxiety. He had never seen him like this before. Q had been deadly calm in Berlin while undermining his own kidnappers, and at MI6 he was always the calm in the eye of the storm when he was on comms and tech support for missions. This had to be about the flying. 

“I know you are still there, I can feel you standing there,” Q said, his eyes still closed. “Seriously, give me five minutes.” 

“Whatever you need,” James said quietly as he grabbed his suit hanging on the back of the door and headed for the bathroom to change. When he came out of the bathroom ten minutes later, shaved and dressed Q was gone.

When he found him in the living room Q was busy repacking his laptop case with various connector cords he thought he might need in order to get access to the computer systems in the Azores where the middle eastern terrorist group had now set up a home base, believing they were safe from scrutiny. He spotted James and tried to smile, which was completely unconvincing. “Ready to go?” he asked. 

“Yeah, you?” he asked Q. 

Q briskly nodded, but James could see the stress in his eyes. Q looked away quickly knowing James was trying to read him, grabbing his bags and checking one more time to make sure there was food in the cat dispenser. Benji was wearing his microchip collar for the first time and Q wanted to make sure it worked, putting the cat in front of the scanner, pleased when the food dispenser automatically opened. 

James laughed out loud when he saw Ellie perk up and come running and when Benji only took a few bites and walked away Ellie jumped in to eat her fill until the dispenser automatically closed again. “I think she’s worked out your system.” 

Q just shook his head, “nothing I can do about that. She’s too smart.” 

“Mmm, well I think you are smarter then she is.”

Q smiled, “I do hope so. She is just a cat. And I suspect when Benjamin gets hungry enough he’ll learn to block her out with his body. That’s what Penelope does.” 

James laughed, “that’s exactly what you do to me when I try to take your scones.” 

Q grinned, “indeed. Now come on, we’ll be late for the flight.” Then as Q locked the door behind them he muttered under his breath, “which would honestly be fine by me.” 

~~~ 

Q was quiet all the way to the airport, scrolling through files on his mobile as James drove. 

James finally prodding to get Q to talk, “so what have you learned that I should know before we get there?” 

Q looked up briefly. “Based on the blueprints of the building and the electronic signatures I think I’ve identified where they are keeping their mainframe system, and since they’ve gone underground and aren’t exchanging files on any sort of server if I can get in to copy and then corrupt the main system it should cut off their information flow. We’ll need to figure out how to get access. It looks like its I.D. card encoded entry.”

“Do we know the main players and what they look like?” James asked. 

“Yes,” Q had taken screen shots of all the people that had been linked to this group. “From the local business cameras that are in the area, I’ve cross referenced the names and faces. I think the main person we are looking for is Leonor Senna, he’s a Portuguese computer hacker, which is why I think they’ve taken up refuge in the Azores, this is home turf for him. I sent a list of names and pictures to your mobile so you’ll know who we are looking for. We are staying in a hotel near a bar that Senna frequents. If we are lucky he may be there tonight, he seems to show up four or five nights a week.”

“What does he do while he’s there?” James asked.

“Not sure, can’t track from the security footage who he’s meeting, there isn’t a regular pattern of people who come and go with him.” 

James signaled for the exit to Heathrow, seeing Q take a big breath when he saw the sign. And as James pulled into the airport parking lot he saw Q’s body start to go rigid again. “Q, when was the last time you flew?” 

“With Moneypenny to find you in Gomel, and then back. Before that, not since before Sam died.” Q answered, not looking at James as he busied himself putting his mobile back in his laptop bag.

James nodded, so much they should probably talk about related to both of these things but he focused only on the most recent. “And were you this stressed about the flight with Moneypenny too?” 

Q pushed open the car door and climbed out answering James as they moved to the boot to retrieve luggage. “I was running on pure adrenaline, so yes I was stressed. But the flight was the least of my worries that time.” 

James nodded again, grabbing the handle on Q’s roller bag as he balanced his duffle bag on top. “Well, I’d suggest a sedative, but I don’t think we can afford to have you woozy when we land.” 

Q just sighed. “Why couldn’t we be going somewhere that didn’t require flying?” He shrugged his shoulder to adjust his bag and then followed behind James as they headed for the terminal. 

“Oh wait, Moneypenny gave this to me to give to you. Maybe this will help,” James said as he pulled a small cylinder out of his coat pocket and tossed it to Q. 

“What is this?” Q asked looking at the label as they walked. 

“It’s this smelly stuff you are supposed to put on your pulse points when you fly, supposed to help calm down anxiety, I have no idea if it really works.” James said, still striding forward, coming up to the self-check in kiosk for first class. “Where’s your passport?” 

Q reached into his jacket pocket and pulled it out handing it to James, turning his attention back to the cylinder of liquid. “What’s in it?” He brought it to his nose and took a whiff, pulling his head back at the strength of the smell. 

“Ginger I think,” James said, “and other stuff.” 

Q put some on his wrist and smelled it again, making a skeptical face. 

James now had the airplane tickets in hand and reaching for Q’s wrist he lifted it to his nose to smell the ginger. “Mmm, smells good.” He smiled before placing a small kiss to Q’s skin and then lowered their hands as James threaded his fingers into Q’s walking towards security. 

Q sighed in resignation and followed along trying to keep his nerves under control. Once they had boarded and were seated, Q went ahead and rolled the ginger, lavender, citronella, lemon oil all over every pulse point he had from his temples to his ankles, knowing full well he was going to create a smelly cloud. Then he sat there next to James silently giving off vapors as he laid his head back on the headrest letting the odor envelope him. 

James felt his eyes start to water, a glass of Glen Livet in his hand from the flight attendant. “Christ Q, I don’t think you were supposed to use all of it in one go.” 

Q turned his head sideways to look at James, “I didn’t. I only used a quarter. The other three quarters are for the second flight today and then the flights home.” 

James puffed out his cheeks and shook his head already plotting a way to throw that vial in the ocean once they arrived. He’d have to find another way to coax Q back onto the plane on the way home as he looked over at his still stroppy and now very smelly boyfriend. He was trying to ignore the looks of the other first class passengers across the aisle who were also now overpowered with the smell coming from Q’s pulse points. “Sorry,” James mouthed at them, then reached for his whiskey hoping the alcohol would clear the smell from his nose. 

Q managed to get through the take off without so much as a grimace, James keeping an eye on him as they went airborne. It wasn’t until they hit the first bump of turbulence that James even saw Q react, his fingers clenching the armrest, knuckles going white. James reached over and gently pried Q’s fingers off the leather, sliding his own hand under Q’s to link their hands together. Q never opened his eyes, but James felt him squeeze his fingers, and then saw Q take a deep breath and hold it, letting it out slowly. For the next two hours every time they hit a pocket of turbulence, James would squeeze Q’s hand to remind him he was there, and brush his thumb over the side of Q’s finger over and over, tracing circles with his nail to distract him. 

When the notice from the steward came over the PA to prepare for landing he saw Q flinch, and James frowned realizing again how hard this was for him. So as they started their descent, James leaned over and looking over Q’s shoulder out the window watching the ground get closer, Q never opening his eyes, until James could time it just right. Reaching over with his right hand he turned Q’s face to his and kissed him. Surprising him with a distraction, as he slid their lips together, he coaxed Q to focus on him until the bump of the landing had passed and they were on the ground. 

James pulled back seeing the surprise on Q’s face and smiled, “there, we made it.” 

Q actually grinned, then as the plane taxied to the terminal he said quietly, “can you just do that the entire time on the next flight?”

“Absolutely,” James beamed at him. 

The first leg of the trip complete they had a short layover in Lisbon before the second two hour plane ride to Porta Delgada. And it was here that James discovered Q spoke fluent Portuguese as he marched up to the closest coffee vendor and ordered a tea then turned and asked James if he wanted anything in English. James just shook his head. “Really? You also speak Portuguese? That will certainly come in handy. When were you going to tell me that?” 

Q just smiled, “I thought you knew. Are you hungry? They have muffins.” 

“No, I’m fine thank you.” James said as he added Portuguese to the mental list of languages he had now heard Q speak. 

Arriving at the gate for the second flight James saw Q come to a stop out of his peripheral vision. “Q?” 

“That’s the plane?” Q said his voice cracking. 

James nodded as he looked out the window at the small cigar shaped turboprop plane and then looked again at Q. “Yep.” 

“I don’t think I can get on that.” 

“Sure you can,” James smiled and reached for his hand. 

“No really, I don’t think I can.” Q pulled his hand back, the pupils in his eyes constricting as his body fought the adrenaline of the fight or flight response. His body was choosing flight, and that meant retreating, not actually flying. 

James took a deep breath, “I’m pretty sure we have to get on it Q.” 

Q closed his eyes, and swallowed hard, his adam’s apple bobbing in this throat. James saw his chest rise with a breath before Q opened his eyes and looked at James with a nod before saying. “No.” Then he spun on his heels and turned to walk away. 

James quickly reached for him grabbing his elbow. “Q!” 

“I can’t.” Q shrugged James hand away. “M can fucking fire me. I’m not getting on that plane.” 

“Q,” James reached for him again, tugging him close, bringing his mouth to Q’s ear. “You can do this. We’ll do it together.” 

Q shut his eyes and pursed his lips. “James…” he whispered shaking his head. 

“You can do this.” James said again. 

Q stood still trying to find his confidence. 

“Last call for boarding,” the PA announced. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Q murmured under his breath. “M so fucking owes me for this.” Then he opened his eyes, and grabbed James’ hand as he turned and strode for the gate agent. 

Walking out to the tarmac Q’s knees nearly buckled when he saw the staircase he’d have to climb to enter the fuselage, but James held him steady. And once in his seat, James reached over to buckle him in, Q’s hands shaking too badly to do it himself. 

“Sir?” the steward asked as he came by to check on them. 

“Two whiskeys please.” 

Q looked at James, his face pale. “I think that will make me vomit, given how my stomach feels right now.” 

“Then I’ll drink them both,” James smiled, and leaned in to kiss Q. “Let’s really try to not vomit if at all possible, yeah?” 

Q nodded weakly. “I agree. Vomiting would be most unpleasant.” 

“Because I’m not going to kiss you, if you vomit. And I did promise to keep you distracted during this flight.” 

Q nodded again and squeezed James hand. “Then you should drink those whiskeys quickly. Because we are about to take off.” 

James took the small bottles from the steward and waved off the glass of ice, “later, thank you.” Then tucking the bottles in the seat pocket he reached for Q’s face feeling him tense as the props started whirring, making the plane vibrate, and kissed him. “Your alright.” He murmured against his lips before kissing him again, feeling Q’s breath rush out of his lungs as the plane started to taxi. 

“Fuck,” Q swore on the exhale feeling the plane jolt as they sped up. 

“Just focus on me.” James said quietly. He could feel Q’s body shaking in the seat, his lower lip trembling as James pressed another kiss to his mouth. James slid his tongue along the seam of Q’s lips, pushing inside, making Q open to him, a deep kiss as he pressed Q back into his seat. James purposefully overwhelmed him until he sensed they were off the ground and the sound of the props idled back, before pulling back to let both of them catch their breath. Q’s cheeks were flushed, his breath shallow as he panted, but his hands were no longer shaking and James smiled. 

James sat back briefly in his seat to shrug out of his jacket, not taking the time to do it before they sat down. And as he handed it up to the steward with a smile, “I’ll take that ice now,” he looked over and saw the two men sitting across the aisle. 

The dark haired man sitting by the window reached up and swatted at the shoulder of his red headed boyfriend, “why don’t you ever kiss me like that?” 

James raised his eyebrows at both of them, his blue eyes crinkling as he smiled before turning back to Q, a more gentle kiss pressed to his lips this time. “Okay?” he asked. 

Q nodded, his bottom lip swollen and red from James’ attention, the flush on his cheeks not yet subsiding. “Maybe I do want one of those whiskeys.” 

“You sure?” 

“Yeah,” Q nodded. “Just a sip.” 

James smirked and twisted off the small cap, but instead of handing it to Q he tipped it to his own mouth and before swallowing brought his lips back to Q’s to share. Q’s tongue quickly skimming over his as the heat from the alcohol coated both of their mouths. 

Q pulled back, swallowing as he wiped the back of his hand over his mouth. “Mmm,” he hummed and actually smiled, seeing the happy smirk on James’ face. “I think you might actually be enjoying this.” 

James sighed and shook his head, “I’m enjoying the chance to snog my boyfriend, that’s true, but I’m not enjoying this. I know this is hard.” 

“I’ll be okay,” but then as they hit an air pocket and the plane bounced he reached out and clutched James’ arm again tightly. “Bugger,” he yelped making James chuckle. 

“More whiskey?” James asked holding the bottle to his own lips. 

“No, not yet,” Q sighed letting out a breath as he leaned back in his seat and tried to settle in. Only an hour and twenty minutes left to go. 

By the time they landed in Porta Delgada James was in desperate need to rearrange himself in his pants. He’d gone months without erections and now he had one at a most inconvenient time, but two hours of on again, off again snogging with Q had made him incredibly hard and incredibly uncomfortable. 

Q had nearly run down the stairs to the tarmac, gleeful to be back on the ground, he turned to reach for James’ hand as they headed for the terminal door and saw the look on James’ face. “You okay?” Then he saw the bulge in the front of James’ trousers as James shifted, holding his suit coat now in front of him. “Ahhh,” Q smiled. 

“Side effect of snogging you,” James rolled his eyes, “I’ll be fine. Come on.” Then he grabbed Q’s elbow as Q laughed, the visible relief at having survived the plane ride making Q giddy. “Let’s retrieve our luggage and find our way to the hotel, then you can help me deal with this.” James said as he brushed against Q’s hip as they walked forward. 

“Absolutely,” Q smiled. 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: 

I don’t know if I should call the flights to the Azores a success or a failure. It’s true that the ginger flight stuff Moneypenny sent along did actually work for a while. I think because ginger has been known to soothe agitated stomachs, but it’s not feasible to use a quarter or more of the bottle each time I get on an airplane. I think that much ginger might be toxic. And besides, I saw James throw it away when we got to Lisbon. So I think I have to ultimately call that a fail. But then on the second flight, a turbo prop, my worst possible nightmare, I did manage to get James to snog me for just about two hours straight. So I think I call that a success. I might just be willing to fly more often if that’s the consistent treatment for my fear of flying. We might just have to join the mile high club. 

~~~


	51. Azores

Chapter 51: Azores

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: I really prefer working in Q branch and plan to do all that I can to avoid future missions if possible. Missions really aren’t very much fun, even if I am traveling with 007 and even if they are in exotic locations. You have to get there, you have to deal with bad guys, you have to get home. All stages of that process are challenging, especially when airplanes are involved. But we did get to blow stuff up, so that was actually pretty fun. 

~~~

Climbing out of the taxi near the hotel James quickly realized he was in for a long night, because as soon they arrived Q spotted Leonor Senna. “James, that’s him.” Q whispered, brushing his lips over James’ ear as he leaned in to the back of the taxi to grab his computer bag. 

James nodded. “Right. Guess this mission starts immediately. Looks like he’s headed for the bar. You take the bags to the room, then meet me back down here. I’ll keep an eye on him.” 

Q nodded and shrugged his computer bag higher on his shoulder as he reached for the roller bag and James’ duffel bag. In the lift, Q fished the earwig out of his pocket and slipped it into his ear pushing the small comm button. “Riley are you there?”

“Yes Q, I’m here. You two made it safely to the Azores?” Riley asked confirming that the ping of their trackers was accurately placing them in Porta Delgada. 

“We did.” Q opened the door to the hotel room and closed it behind him. “Leonor Senna, the main computer hacker is nearby and James is following him. Keep an eye on our trackers and I’ll check back in if we need more information or help.” 

“’Kay, will do,” Riley quipped. “Be safe.” 

“Thanks Riley.” Then Q hit the comm switch. He shook his head, this all seeming so strange to be on this side of the communications now. But unlike missions where Q was constantly in James’ ear, Riley was only on standby. Having the quartermaster actually in the field changed the communications strategy, and everyone was relying on Q to essentially serve both functions while on the mission. 

~~~

Fifteen minutes later Q came up beside James and sat down on the stool beside him at the bar. James glanced over quickly, nodding towards Senna who sat in a corner booth, sipping a gin and tonic, then turned and looked at Q a second time, his eyes going wide. “You are wearing the suit I got you for your birthday.” 

“Yes,” Q smiled at him, “I am.” 

James bit at the corner of his bottom lip as he took in the view of the tailored trousers, the cut of the jacket that trimmed Q’s surprisingly broad shoulders all in a deep olive green that made Q’s eyes look translucent. “Bloody hell, you look fucking stunning in that color.”

Q blushed and smiled, dropping his chin, embarrassed by the compliment. “Well you picked it out, you clearly have good taste.” 

“Yes, I do.” James beamed, running one finger along the inside of Q’s arm. He had a sudden desire to scrap the reconnaissance of Senna and take Q back upstairs to their room. But then Q stepped back as the bartender approached and with a smile he ordered a port and tonic, the Portuguese slipping from his tongue. 

“You hate to fly, but you speak fluent Portuguese. How?” 

“I studied languages in university, learning the structure of languages isn’t that different then learning the structure of computer code.” Q answered, watching Senna over James’ shoulder. “And just because I haven’t been to the Azores, doesn’t mean I haven’t been to Portugal. Sam and I flew lots of places together before his accident. We flew to Lisbon on holiday one winter.” 

“Ah,” James nodded. Q sipped at the drink, the bartender smiling warmly at Q as he stepped away, earning a hard glare from James. 

“So what have you learned about Senna?” Q asked not noticing either man’s response. 

“Not much. He’s made two phone calls, but since I don’t speak Portuguese I couldn’t have understood him, even if I was close enough to over hear him. I suspect he’s waiting on someone else to arrive. He keeps glancing at the door.” James reached for his drink, brushing his hand along Q’s arm. “Is he going to recognize you? Was he one of the people who approached you before you came to MI6?” 

“No,” Q answered quickly. “No, he’s the man they hired when I turned them down. But depending on who he’s waiting for, we may indeed run into people who will recognize me. Too bad I don’t still have the bushy beard.” 

“I hated that beard. I’m glad it’s gone,” James grumbled. 

“So what’s our plan for this evening?” Q changed the subject. “Are we just watching him?” 

“For a bit I think,” James said, “until we see who he meets.” He grabbed his drink. “But let’s get a bit closer so you can over hear him if he calls anyone again.” 

Q nodded, then stepped away from the bar, James following him to a table closer to the corner thoroughly enjoying the view as Q walked in front of him. 

Ten minutes later a man Q recognized from the camera footage with silvered temples and a heavy beard, came in and sat down across from Senna. Drinks ordered, the two men sat with their heads close together in conversation, Q straining to hear without being obvious, until the man slid a thumb drive to Leonor and then said his goodbyes. Senna slid it into his jacket pocket, before quickly looking around, James catching his eye with a smile and a nod, before Senna glanced back down at his mobile. 

“Whatever he just put in his pocket seemed important,” James said quietly to Q. 

“Mmm, and how do you plan to retrieve it?” Q snickered. 

“You go to the bar to order drinks, he just headed to the men’s room and I’m going to follow him. If I read his look just a minute ago correctly, I think a bit of flirting might go a long way with him. 

“James…” Q glared at him, furrowing his eyebrows. “I don’t want you to…”

“Believe me, I have no intention of letting anything happen. But I think this is the quickest way. Trust me.”

“I do. I just don’t trust him.” Q protested. 

“I’ll be fine. Go get another drink from that bartender who thinks you are cute. Pretty sure if you smile at him you won’t be paying for any drinks tonight.” 

Q rolled his eyes and sighed, then stood up from the table. “This is a bad idea,” he grumbled as he headed for the bar. 

Five minutes later James returned empty handed to a still empty table, no Q in sight. Quickly scanning the crowd he spotted Q standing at the bar, cornered by a slender brunette dressed in iridescent blue sequins. She was speaking in rapid Portuguese and Q was smiling, his lower back arched up against the bar rail, as she leaned in even closer. He was shaking his head and laughing, pointing with his hand that held another port and tonic towards the other side of the room, trying to get her to understand some sort of question he was asking. 

The woman had slid one of her hands onto Q’s waist, her fingers caressing the soft green fabric of his suit jacket as she leaned in, stepping even closer, reaching for his drink to take a sip of it. She was bold, James would grant her that, and who could blame her, Q was the best looking person in the room, male and female combined, especially now that his hair was growing back out, a beautifully layered mop of waves that swept around his ears and down over his forehead, with that sweet pouty bottom lip and those gorgeous green eyes. A flare of jealousy that she was so close to him made James bite down on his back teeth and he quickly moved through the thickening crowd to get to Q’s side trying to figure out why Q hadn’t moved away from her. Q let go of the drink, letting her have it, leaning in a bit closer to try to hear what she was saying, her lips now pressed to his ear. 

“Christopher, who’s your friend?” James said in a mockingly sweet voice.

Q stood up straighter hearing James voice over his shoulder but not responding to the name James called him, until suddenly he remembered he was supposed to have a cover. He shrugged, stepping to the side to put a little distance between himself and the blue sequins, turning to James, but the blue sequins stepped with him, not letting him pull away. Q swallowed hard, trying to pull his arm up and away from her now that James was standing beside him, he could see the jealousy in James’ eyes. “James, this is Maria Theresa,” Q didn’t even bother to try to use James’ cover name, he knew James would just introduce himself as James Bond the first time someone asked who he was. “She works for Compu-international.” Q raised his eyebrows just a bit when he saw the recognition flit across James’ face for the briefest of moments, the company name a cover for the terrorist group. 

Maria Theresa nodded in affirmation as she looked James up and down smiling, “are you two together?”

James wanted to say, “yes, in every possible way.” But he just smiled and said, “work colleagues,” understanding that Q was doing his best to put up with her attention in order to get information. 

“Well Christopher has very handsome colleagues,” Maria Theresa smiled. Q took advantage of that moment to slide sideways out of her grip, slipping behind James.

“Did you get it?” Q whispered quickly.

James shook his head, “no, I misread him. He wasn’t interested.” 

“You got turned down?” Q laughed. 

James just glared at Q, his ego smarting a bit from the rebuff. But then Q stood up straighter, his eyes going wide, a startled look on his face as he yelped, stepping further away from Maria. James chuckled guessing Maria had just run her hand over Q’s backside. Maria had a knowing smirk on her face and raised her eyebrows as she laughed, taking another sip of Q’s now abandoned port and tonic. 

“Keep her company for a few minutes won’t you James? I need to use the washroom myself.” Q took a breath as he stepped away, needing a little distance from the handsy woman who’s blue sequins sparkled in the light as she laughed. 

Q straightened his jacket, pulling it down tight along his sides, shaking off Maria’s advance, James admiring the view for another moment before rolling his eyes when he saw the bartender appear at Q’s elbow and hand him another drink, nodding towards the blue sequins who still had Q’s second one in her hand. Apparently the bartender had been paying attention. Q smiled, lifting it to his lips for a sip before leaning in and putting it back on the bar, pointing to the washroom hallway. The bartender nodded and winked at him, pulling the drink back to the rail to keep it for him until he returned. Everyone was paying attention to Q tonight, James suddenly having flashbacks to the bar when Q wore painted on black jeans and a tight fitting maroon button down shirt. James didn’t know what was worse, the attention that look had gotten, or the attention he was getting now in his bespoke suit. 

Maria Theresa leaned in closer to James batting her brown eyes at him as she sipped on Q’s drink. “So what do you and Christopher do James?” her Portuguese accent heavy as she spoke slowly in English, somehow knowing that James wasn’t fluent like Q. 

James kept up conversation with Maria Theresa, asking her questions about herself, her work, her colleagues, trying to glean useful information while flirting with her to keep her interested, all while keeping an eye out for Q to return. Five minutes passed and then ten. James ordered another martini, letting blue sequins press herself close even as he kept an eye out over her shoulder. Fifteen minutes later he caught sight of Q and he stood up straight, just about knocking Maria Theresa’s drink from her hand. Q was sitting in the corner booth with Leonor Senna, and Leonor seemed to be just as interested in Q as Maria Theresa had been. James saw Leonor lean closer, his hand reaching to touch the inside of Q’s wrist and it was all James could do to not lurch in his direction. He had been right about Leonor, he had just been wrong about who Leonor was interested in, as James ego took yet another hit. He watched as Leonor ran his hand up Q’s arm, his fingers resting now on the inside of Q’s elbow and in that moment, it was like Q could sense that James had spotted him and he looked over for the briefest of glances, telling James with just a look that James needed to let him do this. James took a breath and nodded, his eyes going back to Maria Theresa, his hands clenched, fighting back the urge to go claim his boyfriend before Leonor got to close. 

Ten minutes later James spotted Leonor headed to the bar for two more drinks and he saw Q pull out his mobile, James’ mobile vibrating just a few moments later. He held up his finger to Maria Theresa, “give me just one second, por favor” and pulled it out of his inside coat pocket to read Q’s message. 

“He has his I.D. with him as well as that thumb drive. I saw them both in his jacket pocket. Don’t interfere, but I’m going to let him get close to me so I can steal them both. I’ve coded your mobile for an emergency signal that I can activate on my mobile with just the press of my thumb. When you feel it vibrate three times, come interrupt us, I really don’t want this to go to far.” 

“Believe me, neither do I,” James replied. “I’ll be there immediately. Why are we texting, aren’t you wearing your earwig?”

“Yes, of course I am, but it feels ridiculous and obvious to be talking to no one sitting in the booth, people text on their phones all the time. I’m trying to blend in.” 

James snickered, Q was right. Then before he put his mobile back, glancing quickly at Maria who was waiting, her eyes batting at him in invitation he added one more text, “I hate this.” 

“Me too,” Q replied then looked up quickly to catch James’ eye, before Leonor returned and Q turned to smile at him. James went green seeing Q beam at Leonor, encouraging him to sit close, Leonor leaning in to steal a kiss catching Q by surprise. 

“Fuck,” James growled quietly, making Maria reach out to him. 

“Everything okay?” she asked. 

James just nodded. “Everything is fine. Would you like another drink?” She smiled and nodded and James waved to the bartender to place the order. “Two more please.” 

~~~

Twenty minutes later James felt the three vibrations from his mobile and quickly put his hand in his pocket. He looked over to the table where Q had been sitting with Leonor and his heart sped up. Q wasn’t there. “Shit,” James hissed. “I’m sorry, I have to go.” He pulled out a pile of Portuguese money and slid it across the bar. “For the lady’s drinks, as well as mine.” And then unwrapping Maria Theresa’s arm from his waist he edged sideways. “Sorry, it’s an emergency.” 

James scanned the room but couldn’t spot Q anywhere. He felt the three vibrations in his pocket ring a second time. “Fuck.” He knew Q hadn’t gone out the front door, because he had been watching it. He cursed himself for not keeping an eye directly on the table but it had been too difficult to watch Leonor paw at Q and not stride over and punch him. James bolted for the hallway to the washrooms. No Q to be found he slid back out. Another three buzzes on his mobile. “I know Q, I’m trying to find you.” James hissed in frustration. “Q, were the fuck are you?” he pressed the comm button behind his ear hoping Q had his on as well. 

“You know, I’ve never done this in an alley before.” James heard Q’s voice as he answered James by pretending to talk to Leonor. 

James whirled around spotting the door ajar to the back alley. “Shit.” James wanted to blast it open, but he took a breath to calm himself down, slowly slipping outside to scan the dark. There were several sets of dark forms, couples melded into single shapes. Q had to be out here with Leonor, and James felt his stomach clench as he tried to figure out where he was. Then he spotted a glint of green as the clouds moved off the moon and light hit the alley. Q was currently pinned to the wall about 50 meters away, one of Leonor’s arms wrapped around Q’s shoulder, his mouth attached to Q’s long neck, his other arm curled in, pressed between them, James suspected trying to get access to his boyfriends trouser zip, if not already inside. 

Clenched jaw, James had to think quickly. He had to interrupt this without hurting Leonor, positive that Q wanted this to end without Leonor growing overly suspicious or Q would have already put an end to this on his own. Q’s skills at incapacitating people, which he clearly wasn’t using, meant they had to get out of this with Leonor none the wiser for the diversion. James slipped back inside and grabbed the first drink out of the first person’s hand whom he spotted, ignoring the protest at his theft and then slipped back outside. Walking calmly but quickly he approached the two men, Q’s eyes spotting James just before he got to them. Q didn’t look panicked, but he did look very very unpleased. James faked a stumble and yelped loudly as he careened into the two men, the drink flying over both of them making Leonor back away, swearing loudly in Portuguese. 

James played fake drunk well, apologizing loudly in slurred English over and over as he pawed at both men. Q quickly stepped away from Leonor slipping the thumb drive and I.D. into James’ pocket and then turning to redo his belt buckle and zip. He was feeling rather violated even if Leonor didn’t actually get to his skin. Then Q turned and played his part, protesting loudly about the spilled alcohol, reaching for Leonor, quickly apologizing in Portuguese that they had been interrupted, thanking him for the drink and the attention but making his excuse to go. Leonor nodded absently, his own frustration evident as he mopped at his very wet shirt and trouser front. 

Q turned to go, James already back at the alley door watching and waiting. But then Leonor called out, finally processing what Q had said. “Wait, don’t go?” Forcing Q to pause, James saw it and stood up straighter in concern. 

“I’m all wet, I need to go, another time,” Q offered, “sorry.” 

Leonor grabbed his arm. “Then take my card,” he reached in his now empty jacket pocket and Q stiffened thinking he was about to be discovered, grateful he no longer had the I.D. and thumb drive in his own pocket. But when Leonor discovered it was empty he just reached across to his other side, finding his wallet, pulling out a business card, not yet realizing what was missing. “My personal number is on the back. Tomorrow. Call me, please. I’ll take you to lunch, we can start over.” He was crowding Q back up against the wall intending to steal another kiss. 

Q turned his head, but Leonor wasn’t dissuaded, pressing his mouth to Q’s ear, whispering his plans for the two of them should Q take him up on his offer. 

James saw Q go stiff, clear whatever Leonor had said wasn’t something Q wanted to hear. He took a step to interrupt them again, but he didn’t plan to be subtle this time, if you could call spilling beer all over Leonor subtle the first time. But then Q laughed, nodding, “yes, yes,” he answered quickly, “tomorrow.” And then he really did make his escape, walking quickly towards James. “Get me out of here,” he huffed somewhat frantically as James held the door open for him before Leonor could follow. 

“What did he say to you?” James asked, his hand on Q’s lower back as he directed them both through the crowd towards the front door. 

“You really don’t want to know,” Q shook his head. “And what the hell took you so long? He just about had his hand down my pants by the time you found us,” Q was brushing his sleeve across his mouth, “and his tongue, ugh, he’s a fucking lousy kisser.” 

“I don’t want to know that either,” James growled. “I never should have let him get close to you.” 

“Well it worked didn’t it, you were right, sex is a great skill to use when you are a spy. We have both the I.D. and the thumb drive now.” Q had already turned into the lobby of the hotel next door and was pushing the button for the lift. “But I can’t believe you poured beer all over my beautiful suit.” 

James followed him into the lift, shaking his head, watching as Q unbuttoned the jacket and slid it off, the front stained with alcohol. “Better that then blood. I was this close to punching him in the nose for sucking on your neck. And you don’t get to use sex as a way to get information ever again. I can’t handle that. I was ready to beat him to a bloody pulp just for touching you.” 

Q visibly shivered at the memory, “I know. I know. Right now, I just want a shower, and to gargle with a bottle of mouthwash and then brush my teeth ten times.”

“He was that bad?” James actually laughed as they stepped out of the lift and walked down the hall to their room. 

“Yes, because he wasn’t you.” Q sighed as James reached around him with the hotel keycard to open the door to the room, letting Q go in ahead of him. James couldn’t help but smile, hearing Q’s innocent declaration. “I’m really not interested in kissing anyone else. I really don’t know how you sleep with women when you are on a mission. How do you do it when you aren’t attracted to them?” Q had already peeled off the wet dress shirt and was undoing his trousers as he headed for the bathroom. 

“You figure out a way,” James murmured, not really directing his answer at Q, and Q wasn’t really listening for an answer any way. The bathroom door suddenly shut and Q was gone. The water already running as Q climbed in, intending to scrub himself clean of Leonor Senna and this whole day. 

Q emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and another scrubbing his hair dry, his toothbrush frothing and scrubbing at his teeth. James had kicked off his shoes and was waiting on the bed for his turn in the shower, the perfume from Maria Theresa still all over his shirt and his neck. “Can I get in there next?” James asked. 

Q nodded, pulling the toothbrush from his mouth, “just let me rinse.” He said, frothy toothpaste all over his mouth. He turned to head back to the bathroom then turned again, pulling his toothbrush out again to continue talking, “I mean seriously, how does one person drink so many gin and tonics, and still have breath that was as foul as his was. You’d think the alcohol would sterilize his throat. I think he must have had tuna fish for lunch. It was awful.” 

“Q,” James said, raising his eyebrows as he tried not to laugh realizing Q was still having his own stream of consciousness conversation. “Go rinse.” 

“Right,” Q nodded, shoving his toothbrush back into his mouth again and heading for the bathroom. 

James heard the water in the sink and climbed off the bed, stripping out of his shirt and unbuckling his trousers to take his turn in the shower, Q stepping into the doorway just as James arrived, the two brushing against one another. James smiled, leaning in to press a quick kiss to his very clean and very minty boyfriend. “I’ll be quick,” he winked. 

“That’s okay,” Q said, “take your time.” Then he headed for his suitcase letting James have the bathroom to find clean pants and his pyjamas. 

When James emerged from the bathroom he found Q sitting at the desk, dressed in pyjama bottoms and a PJ Harvey tour t-shirt, a steaming cup of tea beside him, laptop open and Leonor’s thumb drive under review. “You are working?” James said a bit baffled. 

“Of course I’m working. We are on a mission. And tomorrow we need to use this I.D. to get access to Compu-International. I need to know what else is going on with the information they are sharing. This thumb drive was encrypted, but it wasn’t hard to get through the layers. They are buying military supplies in bulk, and chemicals as well. It looks like they have subsidiary groups in multiple cities. They have to be communicating somehow. If not by e-mail and data files, they are sending code some other way. I think they are using social media. Do you know anything about snapchat?” 

“No. I don’t know anything about snapchat.” James said with a huff, flopping back onto the bed. His towel coming loose, he lay there naked, wet hair on the pillow. “So you aren’t coming to bed.” 

Q looked over his shoulder and frowned at the sight. Standing and coming over to the bed, he climbed over James to straddle him, leaning down to kiss him warmly. “I need to finish this.” He said looking over his shoulder towards the computer. “But I’ll make it up to you later, I promise.” 

James’ hands had come up along Q’s sides trying to pull him closer, but when he heard what Q said, he dropped them back to the bed. “Fine. But so far none of this is fun. I really thought going on missions with you would be different then this. But so far Leonor Senna has gotten further with you tonight then I have. I think we had better sex over the comms while I was away on missions then actually being here together.” 

Q laughed. “I promise. I really will make it up to you when we are done.” Q climbed off of him, draping the towel over James’ hips, “and you may have never realized it, but after I made sure you got back to your hotel each night and then whatever your memory of what happened on comms might have happened, and really James,” Q rolled his eyes, interrupting his own line of thought, “we didn’t get each other off over MI6 comms more than a few times at most, you should know that I almost always stayed up reviewing files for you so you’d be ready the next day.” 

“Really?” James had sat up, propped on his elbows. 

“Yes really,” Q answered him, before taking a sip of his tea and going back to his computer. “When did you think I was processing all the information you were sending in order to make it useful the next day?”

“Oh…” James said, “I didn’t…” James paused, “I should have realized…” he paused again finally finishing, “thank you Q.” 

“Your welcome.” Q chuckled. “Now do you want to know what I found on this thumb drive or not? Put on some pants and come look.” 

“Fine,” James huffed climbing off the bed. “Tell me what you’ve found.” 

~~~

“Q, you have to hurry. We have company headed this way,” James said quietly through his earwig, just down the hall from where Q was quickly typing. 

“Shit,” Q hissed, typing even faster. “Come on, come on…” he mumbled to himself, studying the lines of code looking for a way to break through. 

They had never even gone to bed the night before. After Q finished reading the files on the thumb drive and he and James reviewed the blueprints of the building, it was clear they had no reason to wait, and they’d actually be better off going immediately since they had the I.D. to gain access and they knew once Leonor discovered it was missing it would raise alarms and likely end up deactivated and useless. Plus guards would be easier to get past in the middle of the night, and no one should actually be there working. So now, dressed all in black, the two found themselves deep in the bowels of the building, Q trying to hack the evolving encrypted code to get in to the master files. 

“Q…” James said again. “They are getting closer.” 

“Bugger, bugger, bugger, come on…” Q whispered. Then “Got it,” Q exclaimed, as he quickly connected his mobile server to beam the data back to MI6 over a high speed signal, erasing files from the main server as soon as they were sent. He watched the countdown of the terabytes. “Faster, faster,” he hummed, but there was nothing more he could do but watch and hope they got it all sent before they were found. 

James burst through the door just as Q was disconnecting the laptop and pulling the cords. “They are about 500 meters down that hall. We need to go now.”

“I’m done, I’m done.” Q said, scanning the room. “Here, we can get out this way.” 

As they fled down the hall, evading guards, Q pulled up, yanking James into another room. “James, I think we have to blow up this building.” 

“What? Why? We weren’t spotted. The files are erased aren’t they?” 

“Yes, but I scanned the main file quickly while they were all downloading and erasing them won’t be enough. We have to make it look like this place went up without anyone accessing those files. They have to think they still have them and they haven’t been corrupted.”

“Why?”

“Because there were directions to launch an attack on six cities by local terrorists if they were infiltrated. They can’t know we were here, and empty computer hard drives are going to tell them someone got in.” 

James scrubbed his hand over his face quickly, trying to process what Q was telling him. “So how do we do that before they figure out what you’ve done?” 

“Gas lines. I can access the building heating and cooling remotely. I can turn on the gas to fill the vents, then hit the pilot light.” 

“That’s what Silva did to MI6.” 

“I know.” Q shook his head. 

“So I guess we know it will work.” James sighed. “Can we get clear first?”

Q nodded and James grabbed his hand and pulled him back to the hall to run for the entrance. Once they were safely outside, still under cover of dark, Q set up the explosion, and they brought the building down, the only casualties the three guards who had been on night patrol. 

Three minutes later both James’ and Q’s mobiles buzzed with a call from Eve at the same time. 

James answered first, “Hello Moneypenny, what can we do for you?” He was actually giggling. 

“James is Q with you? Are you two okay?”

“Of course we are, why wouldn’t we be?”

“Because Riley just informed us that the headquarters for Compu-International just blew up. James did you blow up the building?”

“No, actually I didn’t.”

“Then what happened?”

“Q did it.” James started to laugh which made Q start to laugh. 

“Q did it?” Eve clarified. “Q blew up the building?” 

James handed the mobile to Q, “Moneypenny doesn’t believe me.” 

“Hello Eve,” Q said with a laugh. 

“Q did you blow up the building?”

“Yes, yes I did.” Q confirmed then started to laugh. “But I had a good reason.”

“Oh good grief. The two of you together are worse then James by himself, you haven’t even been gone twenty four hours and you are blowing up buildings already.”

“No, no, really I had a good reason. And we are done with the mission. Riley should have received all the downloaded files by now, and we’ve covered our tracks and can come home.”

“You didn’t just cover your tracks, you BLEW UP your tracks.” Eve exclaimed. 

James took the mobile back from Q, “Eve, really, we had too. We’ll explain when we get back. We’ll catch the first flight out.” 

~~~

“Can’t we take a boat back?” Q asked, looking at the ships in the harbor, “or just stay here? I could send for the cats.” He really didn’t want to get on the airplane to go home. They had checked out of the hotel and headed for the airport and now were just waiting for their flight.

James smiled, but shook his head, “sorry Q, I think a boat would take too long, and I think they have quarantine restrictions on importing animals.” He reached out to take Q’s hand, squeezing his fingers. “But don’t worry, I’ve got something to help you get through the flights home.” 

“What?” Q asked, looking at him curiously. “It better not be another bottle of that ginger therapy stuff. I saw the look on the stewards face when I just about toxified all of first class with it on the way over.” 

“God no, I threw that away in Lisbon,” James rolled his eyes as he laughed. 

Q raised his eyebrows. “Another marathon snogging session?” 

“Do you want that?” James smiled and winked. 

“I wouldn’t complain,” Q felt his cheekbones go hot as he blushed. 

James leaned over and kissed him, lingering, as Q leaned into him. “If we could both fit in the bathroom, I’d do more than snog you, but it’s never really worth the effort at 30,000 feet.”

“You’ve done that?” Q said surprised, “Never mind, of course you have,” he shook his head. “Don’t tell me about it.” 

James smirked. “If you want to try…”

“No, no, I really don’t.” Q shook his head more vigorously. “What I really want is to just be able to teleport and be home.”

“I’ve got something that will make it feel like that,” James reached over and put two pills in Q’s hand and then handed him a bottle of water just as they got in line to board. “Here, take these,” he whispered as he brushed his mouth against Q’s ear and then pressed a quick kiss to his temple. 

Q looked down at his palm and then up at James, consternation quickly settling on his face. “Drugs? Your answer is to drug me?” 

James closed his eyes, pursed his mouth and took a quick deep breath. “Say it a little louder Q.” 

Q looked around quickly to see who had noticed. No one had. “What are these?”

“They’ll make you drowsy and take the edge off. If you take them now you’ll fall asleep before we take off.” 

“And if I don’t wake up before we land?” 

“That’s why I only gave you two. I accounted for flight time. You can take two more when we reach Lisbon for the second flight.” 

“And did you account for the fact that you weigh nearly half again as much as me?”

James rolled his eyes. “Yes, and I accounted for the fact that you don’t typically take so much as an aspirin, so it will have more of an affect. But only take one if you are worried about it.” 

Q looked again at his palm. Then put both pills in his pocket without taking either of them. “I’ll be fine. I don’t want them.” 

“Seriously?” James said. “Well then, I hope they’ve bloody well stocked up on whiskey on this flight.”

“I’m not drinking either,” Q protested. 

“I wasn’t talking about for you.” James lamented, grabbing his carry on as the line started to move, “I was talking about for me. You are going to be a nightmare.” 

~~~

Q was right, he shouldn’t have taken the pills, but boarding the airplane and feeling the anxiety start to take hold, he second guessed his decision and quickly slipped them down his throat with a swig of water as he sat down. Unfortunately, neither James nor Q accounted for the fact that Q was already sleep deprived as they hadn’t slept the night before, and all the adrenaline from the flights the day before and then the overnight mission had further drained him. He was groggy and dropping off in less then ten minutes. 

James looked at him as Q’s eyes started to close, “Q?”

“Shhh,” Q reached up with a heavy hand, one finger raised and pressed it to James’ mouth. “I’m closing my eyes.” 

“Did you take the pills?” James asked in surprise. 

Q nodded. Then dropped his head onto James’ shoulder. 

“That’s my Q,” James leaned over and kissed the top of his head, settling in to let Q sleep against him all the way. 

The first problem James faced was that landing in Lisbon didn’t wake Q up. Q was still out like a light. Dead asleep. “Q,” James shook him. “Q, you need to wake up, we are in Lisbon.” But all he got was a groggy grumble and a snuffle as Q burrowed into James’ shoulder deeper. 

James undid his seatbelt and then undid Q’s as the steward stood beside them chuckling at the sight. “Need some help sir?” 

“He took a sleeping aid, he hates to fly.” 

“No worries,” the steward named Andy, James noted, said with a smile. “It happens. If you can wait to deboard, I can help get him off.” 

“Thanks,” James nodded with a smile, “appreciate that.” And then James noticed the second problem. Q had drooled all over his shoulder. “Seriously Q?” James said out loud, propping Q’s chin up and wiping his shoulder off with the complimentary blanket that Q was wrapped up in. 

The plane now empty, Andy the steward came back to help James. “I can help you carry him down the stairs, and we have a wheelchair at the base of the stairs for you to move him.”

James nodded, “right. Perfect.” He closed his eyes and pursed his lips. “Wonderful.” Then he turned to Q. “Come on sleeping beauty, let’s move.” James stood up first, hauling Q up in his arms and dragging his sleep heavy body into the aisle. Q didn’t even change his breathing. 

Andy stifled a laugh seeing that James wasn’t really enjoying this. “I’ll grab his legs, yeah?” 

“Yeah, sure,” James said through an exasperated sigh.

Andy walked backwards, Q’s knees draped over Andy’s elbows, his feet dangling as James carried him under his arms, hands dangling as well. “Could be worse” Andy said, “I’ve had to do this with guys twice his size. Amazing how sedatives can knock people right out. At least he doesn’t weigh very much.” Andy dropped Q’s legs to the ground and James stood him up as Andy brought the chair up behind him and without so much as a blink, Q curled sideways and tucked himself into the chair. 

“Thanks for the help,” James said as he put Q’s laptop bag in Q’s lap, the strap secured over Q’s neck, as James put his own duffle bag on top of that. Then one hand pushing the chair, he hauled Q’s roller bag behind him as he headed for the terminal. Q nearly invisible under the pile of luggage and still wrapped in a blanket. 

A four-hour layover this time, James wheeled Q to the next gate and waited, thinking he’d certainly come to before boarding the next flight. But no. Thus the whole operation was reversed for the next flight, except James declined help carrying him this time, choosing instead to just sling Q over his shoulder and haul him onboard himself, letting Keith the new steward deal with the luggage. This was after James proved Q was actually still breathing and that he wasn’t actually trying to transport a dead body. James should have been appalled at this suggestion, except he had actually done that once, and had gotten away with it. 

Q would not actually wake up enough to be aware of his surroundings until about 3:00 a.m., when Benjamin stepped on his head, one of his claws catching the top of Q’s ear. Q sat bolt upright in bed, startled and confused. “SHIT! Where am I?” 

James was so tired himself at this point that he barely cared about the chaos happening beside him, reaching over blindly with one hand to set it on Q’s thigh trying to calm him down. “You are home, in bed.” He grumbled sleepily, “you fell asleep on the first flight and slept all the way home. I’ve hauled your dead weight through two airports, in and out of the car and up the stairs to our flat. Now go back to sleep.” 

Q looked over at him in surprise. “I’m home?” 

“Yes, your home. We are both home. Now go back to sleep.” James said groggily. 

Q lay back down, eyes wide open as he stared at the ceiling trying to figure out if he a single memory of travel today. When he realized he didn’t, he smiled and rolled over, wrapping his arm around James’ waist, pressing his chest to James’ back, curling around him. He hugged him close and kissed the back of his neck. “Thank you,” he whispered. “That was the best flying experience I’ve ever had. Let’s do that every time.” 

“Oh hell no,” James sighed. “We’ll take a fucking boat next time. Now seriously go back to sleep.” 

But Q had been asleep for over sixteen hours and was now wide awake. He listened to James’ breathing even out, as he brushed his nose over James’ bare shoulder, kissing his skin softly. Then when James went limp, deeply asleep in Q’s arms, Q finally let him go and rolled away, quietly climbing from the bed, Penelope and Benjamin following him as he headed for the living room, Eleanor choosing to snuggle closer to her boyfriend. 

~~~

When James woke up at 7:00, he could smell coffee and breakfast, only Ellie still sharing the bed with him. Wandering out to the living room, his short hair sticking up in every direction he rubbed his scruffy face. “Q?” 

“You are up!” Q emerged from the kitchen, his face lighting up. “I made breakfast.” 

“I can smell it.” James said, “and do I also smell coffee?”

“Yes, I’ll get you some,” Q disappeared, back in twenty seconds, a steaming cup for James in one hand and a scone in the other. 

“You made scones?” James said. 

“I did. I also typed up all the notes from the mission and sent them to Tanner and Mallory so we could get our debrief over with quickly. And I arranged for both of our suits to be picked up and dry cleaned. I realized when I was unpacking that mine was covered in beer, and yours appeared to be stained on the shoulder with some large spot of clear fluid.”

“Drool.” James said with a straight face. 

Q had the good sense to look guilty as he answered, “Yes, I figured that out. I apologize about my lack of hygiene while I slept like the dead yesterday on the plane.”

“Planes. More than one. Plural.” James corrected him.

“Yes, planes. Those pills were rather strong.” 

“That’s an understatement. I actually had to prove you weren’t dead before they’d let me put you on the second plane in Lisbon. Total waste of a first class ticket. I could have put you in the overhead luggage bin for all you would have cared.” 

Q just looked at him. Then he started to giggle, which made James laugh. “I’m really very sorry. I’ll make it up to you,” Q said, stepping closer and sliding his arms around James. He leaned in to kiss his pouty bottom lip as James held his steaming cup of coffee up and away to not spill it on both of them. 

“Yes, you will.” James said, he tried to sound stern, but his smile gave him away and they both grinned at one another. 

“I already have plans,” Q smiled at him, leaning in to tug James’ bottom lip between his teeth for a nibble and a kiss before letting him go. 

“Really? Plans to make up for the fact that I hauled your sleeping arse across the continent of Europe and the English Channel? You already said you would make it up to me for choosing work over mission sex while we were in Porta Delgada. I’m finally back to fully functional and we haven’t truly fucked even once yet.”

“Not my fault Riley injected a tracker in my arse,” Q protested, “and you didn’t exactly protest about the blow job.” 

“True,” James smirked, thinking maybe he could convince Q to do that again, like right now. He brushed his still firm morning erection over Q’s hip, as he reached out to pull him close again with one arm. 

Q just raised an eyebrow at him. “Now?” 

“Now is always a good time,” James smiled.

“But I have plans.” Q said plaintively. 

“And getting each other off this morning would completely upend those plans? I rather doubt that,” James suggested. 

Q just stared at him with a “don’t fuck up my plans look.” 

James sighed and let out a slow huff of breath, “fine. We’ll follow your plans. But I swear to god Q, they better end with you naked on your hands and knees.”

Q blushed. He couldn’t help it. For all of their time together and for as free as they were with each other, Q always blushed when James said things like this. It was never from embarrassment, but always from the immediate flush of want. Unless of course James said something like this in front of someone else, like Eve, which did actually make Q blush in mortification, which always made Eve laugh, which was exactly why James did it. 

Q stepped back and handed James his scone, “my plans didn’t include exact positions, but I suspect that can be arranged.” Q’s reply made James’ ears go pink, which made Q smirk knowingly. “Now eat and let’s get dressed, the sooner we debrief, the sooner my plans begin.” 

James shoved the whole scone in his mouth and smiled through his chewing, saying before he was finished, “I’m ready,” crumbs of scone flying in Q’s direction. 

“You might want to also brush your hair,” Q added before turning to go back to the kitchen for another cup of tea. 

~~~

An hour later they stood in Eve’s office waiting for their meeting with Tanner and M. 

“Good morning boys,” Eve smiled, “You both look well rested after your explosive holiday in the Azores.” 

They both snickered as they glanced at one another, James answering, “well Q is better rested then I am. He slept the whole way home.” 

Moneypenny raised her eyebrows, “Q? Slept on a plane?” 

“It was drug induced. James fault.” Q said glibly. “But yes, I’m feeling very well rested, ta.” 

The door opened, and they were ushered in. 

M looked at both of them with a frown and started right in. “You blew up Compu-International and Leonor Senna is now missing. I’m just wondering if you both consider this mission to actually be a success.” 

James mouth formed a half smile, Q’s mouth however dropped open in surprise. This was not the response he expected from Mallory. Q immediately started in with a rapid fire response, explaining his rationale and what he had spotted in the files, and why he made the recommendation to blow the building. 

Mallory listened while both Tanner and James smiled in the background, James growing more and more proud of his partner as Q continued his detailed explanation. 

“And Senna?” M asked. “He’s a loose end.” 

James nodded and stepped forward. “Actually he’s not.” 

Q whirled to look at him. “What do you mean?” 

James pursed his lips before he started his answer. “I knew Senna would send up an alert after Q stole the thumb drive and identification. When I spilled the beer on Senna and Q, I also microinjected him with the synthetic Brazilian spider venom R developed last year. I suspect he’s already dead and just not yet discovered.”

“You injected him with synthetic PhTx3?” Q said, a startled look on his face as he whirled to look at James. 

“Is that what it’s called? I just knew it was spider venom.” James answered with a straight face. 

“Why didn’t you tell me that?” Q said, now sounding flustered. 

“Well, I would have included it in the report but you typed them up and sent them off before I woke up this morning.” 

“You could have mentioned it sometime between the time you did it and now,” Q complained. 

“Gentlemen,” M interrupted their spat. Both men stopped talking and looked at M. “That’s enough.” He looked at Tanner. “Have Senna’s body located and see if we can retrieve it before anyone else does. Better not to have that looked into by authorities if possible. Actually see if we can plant it at the sight of explosion. If they find him there, they might link him to it, which would help us with more cover.”

“Yes sir,” Tanner nodded and left to start the next steps to tie up the loose ends. 

Q and James both still stood in front of Mallory, now waiting to be dismissed. Mallory stood looking down at papers, leaving them standing there for an awkwardly longer then necessary amount of time. 

James cleared his throat and was about to speak when Mallory looked up at him with an “I dare you” look and James quickly shut his mouth. Mallory went back to looking at the report. James and Q looked at one another, both raising their eyebrows, but neither one said a thing, knowing they had to wait this out. 

Eventually Mallory looked up at Q and then at James. “You two are dismissed. And next time try not to blow up any buildings or poison people with spider venom.”

“At least we didn’t shoot anyone.” James said, perhaps a bit too cavalierly, earning another stern look from Mallory, and an uncontrolled snicker from Q. 

Then Mallory couldn’t help the half smile that crept onto his face as he shook his head. “Yes, I guess we’ll count that as a bonus this time.” He said. “Now both of you get out of my office.” 

“Yes sir, thank you sir,” James said and grabbed Q’s elbow before Q could say a word, which was a wise move because they weren’t even through Eve’s office before Q was starting in on him. 

“Where did you get that spider venom from James?” Q asked. James shushed him, there were always ears in MI6. “No, I’m serious, I didn’t authorize you to have that.” 

James didn’t say anything until they were through Eve’s office and he could be more confident no one would over hear. “Riley gave it to me before I left for Berlin to find you. She thought it would be a good idea to have it on me.”

“Why?” Q asked. “Were you considering poisoning me?” He raised his eyebrows at James. 

James just shook his head and sighed, “no, of course not. But remember Q, no one had heard from you. I honestly wasn’t sure where I’d find you, or if they had you. It was an emergency scenario.” 

“Ah,” Q nodded. “I see.” Q sighed and finally said, “Yes, good choice actually. Riley was smart.” They were nearly down to Q branch, equipment to return. “But why did you STILL have it? You should have turned that in when you got back James.” 

James just shrugged. “Seemed like a good thing to keep on hand.” James opened the door for Q as they headed to Riley’s office. Q had insisted with her new responsibilities that she have a better space then the old cubicle she used to work in and she had refused to take Q’s office permanently. “And I was right, it came in handy.” 

Q just shook his head in dismay. 

“You can’t disagree Q.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me you’d done it? And please tell me you don’t have anymore.” 

The two were pulling equipment from pockets and bags, talking to each other, oblivious to Riley standing right in front of them. Guns clanking on the table. Radios tossed onto the pile of files. Tie tack cameras fished out of trouser pockets. Both earwigs pulled out of Q’s jumper pocket. 

“No, I don’t have anymore and I actually didn’t keep it from you on purpose. We were so focused on getting out of the bar, and then you were going on and on about Senna being such a bad kisser that when I came out of the shower and you ignored me as I lay naked on the bed I guess I had just moved on from it.” 

Riley cleared her throat, way more information just spilled in front of her then she needed or wanted to know. “Q was kissing other men?” she asked.

It was only then that both men realized they had been ignoring her. Q blushed a deep red and James smiled like the Cheshire cat. “R! Sorry, here’s all the equipment. And yes, Q claimed he could taste the guy’s tuna fish sandwich.” 

“Gross.” She said as she wrinkled her nose. 

“It was gross,” Q nodded. Then he looked up at her and added, “And Riley, don’t give him any more of that spider venom without me knowing about it.” 

Riley smiled and winked at James. “Did it work?” 

“Not sure, but I suspect it did. I’m sure Tanner will let us know when they find him.” 

“Excellent. I like more subtle forms of espionage. Guns are so obvious,” she smiled. 

Q just shook his head, “I see I’m losing this battle.” Then he turned back to Riley one more time. “We’ll be gone until Monday morning, are you okay to delegate for weekend coverage? I don’t want you doing all of it yourself Riley.” 

James looked sideways at Q. He didn’t know they were going to be out until Monday. But Q didn’t look at him, even though he was positive Q had seen him out of his peripheral vision.

Riley nodded, “no problem.” 

Q nodded, then turned to go to his own office. He pulled out his mobile, “Moneypenny, I’m taking James to the midlands for the weekend,” he texted Eve as he grabbed his jacket off the back of the door. He didn’t even intend to sit down at his desk. James was standing in the doorway, still unaware of what Q was up to. 

“Q, is this because of the debrief with M and Tanner?” Eve immediately picked up the phone and called him, starting in as soon as she heard him pick up, not even letting him speak. 

“Hello Eve,” Q answered, “and no, this has nothing to do with M. I’m just determined to finish something I started a long time ago and it’s overdue.” Q saw James looking at him, trying to figure out what was going on. Q turned sideways not yet ready to tell James his plans.

“Trackers on?” Eve rolled her eyes, wishing she didn’t even have to ask the question. “You better not be trying to disappear.”

“Yes, of course. Besides you already know about this place. I’m just doing what you asked, and informing you.” 

“Good. Well enjoy the weekend. And don’t blow anything else up.”

“Thanks Moneypenny, I’ll try not to.” Q said, hanging up and then turning to James. “Let’s go get the cats.” 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook: 

I’m going to search all of Bond’s belongings. He had synthetic spider venom. For months, he had this. Who the bloody hell did he think he was, spider man? Dangerous. So dangerous. But the man is a danger addict, so should I be surprised? No. No I should not be surprised. 

I’m going to search his belongings because if he kept the venom and hadn’t turned it in, maybe he didn’t really lose all those Walthers and radios and cameras and watches. Maybe he’s saving them up and storing them somewhere. Maybe he’s starting his own black market and selling off my equipment. …

He just read this over my shoulder and laughed at me, reminding me that neither of us needs the money, and that the Komodo dragon really did eat his gun and what good would it do to try to sell a palm print encoded hand gun when no one else could fire it. And that I could search anything of his that I wanted. 

I wouldn’t of course and I know he really did just LOSE all of my equipment, but spider venom… seriously. I forgot that Riley had been a biochemist before working for MI6, I think I need to see what else she was up to while in the lab. 

But that comes after I take James to the midlands. We have to finish what we started long ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well dear readers, we once again find ourselves approaching the last chapter. This chapter also probably could have been two or more. It just kept growing into more then I had planned in the original version. I'm having a hard time saying goodbye to these two and they keep whispering in my ear to expand their adventures. So the Azores had to be explored. 
> 
> Now for the last adventure and to finally finish what they started.


	52. Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time... *big sigh*

Chapter 52: Always

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster: 

Summary: 

I’m taking the weekend off. Riley is in charge. No additional MI6 related updates to report. 

~~~

Back at the flat by lunch time James finally prompted Q for details. “So the midlands…”

Q nodded. “Yes, there is a place called the midlands. What about it?”

“Why are we going?” James rolled his eyes. 

Q looked at him, studying his face as he debated his answer. “To spend the weekend.” 

“Yes, but why?” James repeated. 

“Why not?” Q responded unhelpfully. 

James shifted his lower jaw sideways debating about how hard he wanted to push on this. Q didn’t know that James had gone out to his house while Q was in Berlin to verify that Q had faked the tracker logs. The trip out there had been frustrating and James wasn’t particularly thrilled with the idea of going there again. He huffed and turned towards the bedroom. “Why not? Because I can think of lots of places we could go for a weekend together. And none of them would require getting on an airplane and would be more fun.” 

Q realized James was serious and hadn’t anticipated his reluctance. He pursed his lips, scrunching his nose as he debated how much he wanted to reveal to James. “We are going to my house because I wanted to get out of London with you. I haven’t been there in a while and wanted to check on it. And I’ve already ordered groceries to be delivered.” 

James shook his head, “not particularly compelling reasons Q. Why are we really going to the midlands?” 

Q actually had to consider the possibility that James might balk and not come. “Okay. How about I know you overheard what I said to Eve, and my intention is to see through my promise that I made to you over a year ago when we had to leave my house suddenly.” 

“So we are going on a sex holiday,” James raised his eyebrows. 

Q rolled his eyes and shook his head in dismay. “Really James…”

“What? That’s what you promised me. Eve interrupted us with that damn phone call just when we were about to finally fuck after months of me trying to get back into your pants. We got called in because of the MI6 hacking attempt. So… sex holiday.” 

“Will that get you to agree to come?” Q asked. 

“Yep,” James said with a smirk. “Just wanted to double check.” 

“Fine, then we are going on a sex holiday,” Q said before shaking his head. 

“Excellent!” James beamed. “I get to pick the car.” 

“What?” 

“We are driving right?” James asked, grabbing his duffel bag from the closet to pack, then debated, “wait, do I need to bring clothes? If it’s a sex holiday, can’t I just skip them?” 

Q actually snickered. “What you bring to wear, or not wear is totally up to you. And yes we are driving.”

“Good, then I get to pick the car. I want to take the DB10 from Berlin.” 

Q rolled his eyes and grabbed the keys from the drawer tossing them to James. “Fine, but you have to catch Benjamin. He really doesn’t like the cat carrier.” 

“No problem.” James smirked and headed out to find the tin of treats from the cupboard. 

“If you overfeed him treats to catch him and then he throws up in the car, you have to clean it up,” Q yelled after him as he pulled clothes out to pack in his weekend bag. 

“Fine!” He heard James yell from the kitchen. “Come here Benji!” Then the rattle of the treat container and not just four, but twelve feet all galloped for the kitchen. 

~~~

They arrived at the house exactly when Q had planned, which meant they shaved an hour off the normal driving time, their departure delayed when Benji figured out James was trying to shove him in a cat carrier and he had escaped to the bedroom and wedged himself in the top of the armoire. Their travel time was adjusted mostly because James drove nearly twice the speed limit to get there. The DB10 was James favorite car to drive. James helped Q unload the cats, and their weekend bags and then headed out to walk the property before sunset. 

Q had his reasons, beyond a promised sex holiday, for wanting to bring James back to this place but now that they were here he found himself surprisingly nervous and lost in his own thoughts as he let the cats free to roam. This was Benjamin’s first visit to the new house and he was hot on Penelope’s tail as she immediately began her internal perimeter patrol. Q turned on the electrical and water and was busy settling the kitchen with the groceries they had brought along for the few days they would be here. 

While Penny and Benji were checking the inside perimeter, James had volunteered to walk the external perimeter, all along the length of the yard, one of Q’s regular checks when he came to stay to make sure there was nothing out of the ordinary or that needed to be done. The gardener who regularly checked on the house kept things well tended, but it was always worth a look. Coming back in the house James could hear Q in the kitchen, the sound of the kettle being filled and he headed his direction. “All good outside,” he said as he came to the kitchen door, but he got no response. Q’s back was to him as he was slowly sorting teas in the cupboard. “Q,” he said, calling his name to get his attention. But Q still didn’t hear him. James watched Q shut the cupboard and reach for a tea mug, then he saw him lean forward, his forehead to the cupboard, listening to the kettle start to roar with the sound of bubbling water. Q didn’t move. Content to stand there lost in his thoughts. 

“Q?” James tried again as he took a step forward. He came up behind him, reaching around him, his arms sliding around Q’s waist. He hooked his thumbs into the front of Q’s pants, his hands resting against Q’s hip bones as he leaned over his shoulder brushing his stubbled jawline under Q’s ear, lipping at his earlobe and then brushing his nose over Q’s tattooed bite. “You okay? You didn’t hear me call for you,” James hummed against Q’s neck, “what has you so distracted?” 

Q had startled when James first touched him, his mind a million miles away, but the feel of James’ warm body brushing against his back quickly stilled him and he tilted his head giving James more access to his long neck, bringing his hand up, his palm running across James’ cheek. “At the moment I’d say it’s you,” Q laughed, then pulled away quickly when he heard the bubbling sound of the kettle smooth out, the boiling point tipping as he reached for the switch on the base. But James’ hands never left Q’s hips and as Q pulled away reaching for a second tea mug, James hauled him back, turning him in his arms, his hands sliding down over Q’s arse to pull him close.

“I’m not really in the mood for tea,” James pressed another stubble rubbing kiss to Q’s neck.

“No?” Q laughed.

“No,” James affirmed.

“What are you in the mood for then?” Q teased him, feeling James’ teeth skim his adam’s apple. 

“To finish what we started last time we were here, isn’t this why we came?” James murmured against Q’s ear before stepping even closer, crowding Q back against the cupboard doors. “This is what we were doing when Eve so rudely interrupted us last time. I’m pretty sure this is where we left off,” he added as he slid his hand inside the front of Q’s pants, fingers sliding around Q’s cock. 

Q hummed a warm rumbling laugh as his hips canted forward into James’ grasp. “Indeed, I think it was, although pretty sure we weren’t in the kitchen.” 

“No, we were most definitely not. Let me take you to bed, we are days overdue for this and I don’t want to wait any longer.” 

“Months overdue if this is going the way I think it’s going.” Q whimpered as James’ fingers drifted. 

“Where do you think this is going?” 

“I think I’m going to end up naked on my hands and knees,” Q laughed as he wrapped his arms around James pulling him close, trapping James’ hand between them as he pressed their hips together. 

James smiled, “I certainly hope so.” 

But then Q pulled back and reached down to tug James’ hand out of his pants. “But not quite yet.” 

James resisted, crowding Q back up against the counter, “that’s really not the right response Q. You promised me a sex holiday.” 

Q laughed, fending off James’ hands as they tried to tug at the clothes. “Soon, I promise. But not yet. Let me go.” Q got his hands around James’ wrists and pulled his hands down to his side. “Stop trying to undress me here in the kitchen.” 

“The kitchen is a fine place to undress. We’ve undressed in lots of stranger places then this.” 

“No we haven’t,” Q continued to laugh as James persisted, his hands escaping to once again tug at Q’s shirt tails trying to untuck them from his trousers. 

James paused to look at Q, “oh yes we have! We’ve been naked in your office, in the armory, in the back of the Aston, in the elevator to the roof of your old building as well as actually on the roof of your flat in London. Oh, and that alley behind the Thai place we like in Soho.”

“We weren’t naked in that alley,” Q corrected him.

“We were nearly naked.” James smiled, his hands working quickly to unbutton Q’s shirt buttons while Q was distracted. “Also the bathroom at the British museum.” 

“That doesn’t count either!” Q was curling his shoulders, trying to keep his shirt on as James tried to push it off of him. “I was changing because Eve spilled that red wine all over me at the holiday party.”

“I fucked you in the disabled access stall, it totally counts.” James snickered. 

“Thank god they had those aluminum support rails so I could hold myself up or you would have totally dropped me on my arse,” Q laughed. 

“Then there was that time in Regents Park.”

Q pulled back, his arms braced on James’ shoulders as he raised his eyebrows at him. “You and I have never been to Regent’s Park together. Were naked with someone else there?”

James laughed, “Sorry, no I meant Hyde Park.”

“Near the Serpentine,” Q laughed.

“Behind the boat house.” James snickered. 

“That was a good one, okay, your right, there have been stranger places,” Q conceded, feeling his pulse jump when James brushed their hips together pulling Q close again.

“And besides, we’ve fucked in the kitchen in your old flat, as well as the Greenwich flat, so don’t tell me this particular kitchen is not a totally appropriate place to take off our clothes,” James murmured as he brushed his lips over Q’s ear before nibbling his way down Q’s neck to the juncture of his shoulder now that he had successfully gotten Q’s shirt down to his elbows. 

“James,” Q laughed then yelped as James slid his hand down the back of his trousers, “stop, please.” 

“No.”

“Yes,” although it turned into more of an accidental moan of delight as James’ fingers slid lower into the pants. 

“Yes?” James hummed.

“No, no, no, not yes continue, yes, please stop.” Q was wiggling now to try to escape James’ arms. 

James stepped back with a disappointed moan, “why?” 

Q smiled, shrugging his unbuttoned shirt back up over his shoulders, raising one hand to James’ chest to keep him at bay. “Because I have plans.” 

“Plans… what damn plans… I thought the plan was to come here so we could spend the weekend finally fucking each other until we can’t walk straight. Remember… sex holiday!” 

Q guffawed, which made James laugh. Then Q sighed, looking at James earnestly, stepping forward to wrap his arms around James’ shoulders, leaning in to kiss him sweetly. “We are… we will… can you just let me do it the way I want to do it?” 

James huffed, his mouth a firm line for a moment trying to read Q’s thoughts. “So when do these plans start?” 

Q looked over his shoulder at the clock on the wall. “In about an hour.” 

James raised his arm to look at his wrist, “what’s so special about what happens in an hour” 

“You’ll see. Go play with the cats. Chase Benjamin around, after being locked in a cat carrier for several hours he’s as wound up as you are.”

“Go play with the cats…” James rolled his eyes, dropping his arms from Q’s waist. “Fine, I’ll go play with the cats.” James turned, grumbling all the way out the door, “I’m a grown man, a fucking spy for MI6 and I’m being told to go play with cats.” 

Q smiled, then reached down to rebutton his shirt, laughing when he heard Benjamin’s little gallop careen through the living room following by the much louder footfalls of the grown man who was now chasing him. 

Quietly Q went about setting up, slipping into the back porch to move things to the backyard. Blankets, the basket with the wine and glasses and finally the telescope. He pulled out the new programmable coordinate finder and attached it to the gyroscope, pulling out his phone to confirm the coordinates, testing it to make sure it would rotate on its own. He peered through the optics. It would still be half an hour before it would be dark enough to see what he wanted to show James but he already felt his nerves start to grow. “Why am I nervous?” he mumbled to himself, “he’ll appreciate this, I know he will.” But it didn’t really make him any calmer to say it, so he took a deep breath and turned to go back inside. But James was standing in the doorway watching him. 

“We are stargazing again tonight?” James asked. 

Q nodded. “But it’s not quite dark enough yet.” 

“Maybe we can start with the wine then,” James smiled as he walked towards Q. He had spotted Q through the window a while ago and had watched him as he set things up, checking things two, three, four times. 

Q smiled, “yes, that’s a good idea.”

“Hand me the cork screw,” he said as he reached for the basket.

“Cork screw. Bugger, I forgot the cork screw.” Q shook his head. “I thought I had everything.”

James laughed, “It’s okay, I have this gadget I carry in my pocket that my quartermaster made for me. Pretty sure it has a corkscrew.” He pulled his Q-branch modified, James Bond specialized, army knife out of his pocket, pushing the little piston release on the side that popped up the corkscrew. “I haven’t used this particular feature yet.” 

Q smiled. “That quartermaster of yours, he must be quite the inventor.”

“You have no idea,” James raised his eyebrows, “he’s the best quartermaster I’ve ever had.” 

Q beamed at him, holding out the glasses as James popped the cork, letting the bottle breath a moment before pouring it for them both. 

James kicked off his shoes and eased himself down onto the blanket, patting the spot beside him for Q to join him. 

Q sat beside him, sipping his wine, as James leaned back on one elbow, wine glass in the other hand, looking up at the tree branches above them, the gloaming light of sunset sinking over the horizon making the sky look purple. “It’s beautiful here.” 

“It’s peaceful,” Q nodded, leaning back on his elbow beside him, then leaning in to kiss him. 

“Mmm, it is,” James nodded. “You and I don’t get a lot of peace in our lives do we?” 

“Not as much as I’d like,” Q sighed. Then he leaned back even further until he was flat on his back, one hand balancing his half drunk glass of wine on his stomach, staring up at the darkening sky. 

James rolled to his side, reaching for Q’s glass to set in the grass and then leaned in to kiss him, slowly parting Q’s warm lips to tease at his tongue with his own, the thick red flavor of the cabernet making their mouths rich. Q reached up to thread his fingers through James’ short cropped blond hair, brushing his fingers through the silvering sideburn over his ear. James had just complained about the change in color he had noticed only the day before, the white and silver hidden in the blond it wasn’t obvious unless you looked. But Q had noticed it weeks ago, loving the new mark of maturity on James’ face. 

James settled in, pressing down over Q as he teased and tasted, Q chasing his lips when he pulled back. For a very long while they enjoyed each other, time slipping away, James finally saying, “didn’t you want to show me something through that big telescope?”

Q’s eyes went wide realizing it had truly gotten dark as he lost track of time. “YES!” “Let me up!!” 

James rolled away with a laugh letting Q climb to a stand, quickly looking through the telescope to see if what he had aimed it at was actually visible and it was. “Here come look.” He stood up and backed away to give James space.

James climbed up off the blanket and leaned down to look through the telescope. He looked for a long time, trying to figure out what Q was looking at that was so special.

“What do you see?” Q prompted him.

James tilted his head sideways, hoping he was giving the right answer. “Umm… a star?” 

Q rolled his eyes and huffed in exasperation. “Of course it’s a star. Look more closely. How many stars do you see?” 

James looked again. Adjusting the focus slightly. It’s possible the silver in his sideburns wasn’t the only sign of age he was dealing with. Then he spotted what Q meant. “Two. There are two stars, side by side. Is that what I’m supposed to see?”

“Yes.” Q beamed in delight. “There are two. It’s a binary cluster. Those are our stars.” 

James looked again and then stood up to look at Q, “what do you mean those are our stars?”

“I had them named for us. They are HD 141080A Q and HD 141080B JB007. Well actually I had then designated, not named.” Q stepped back to the telescope to look at them again.

James said quietly, in disbelief. “You bought us stars?” 

“No, you can’t actually buy stars. That’s a total scam. But I have a friend at the International Astronomical Union who was studying astrophysics in the lab down the hall from me in graduate school. I pulled a few strings, and she quietly added these identifiers to the official record with an asterisk next to the official coordinate names.” 

“It’s in the official star database?”

Q nodded, a pleased grin spreading across is wide mouth, “the binary cluster Q and JB007” 

James didn’t say anything. Q was still looking through the ocular and when he realized James had gone silent he looked over in concern. What he saw made him melt with happiness. James had sat down on the blanket beside Q, knees up, his arms crossed over them, his chin resting on his forearms, the dopiest smile on his face, his eyes completely glassy. 

“You okay?” Q asked. 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” James smiled then took a deep breath, “I’m more than okay.” 

Q beamed at him, turning away from the telescope to sit beside him. “I’m glad you like the gift.” 

“This is possibly the best gift I’ve ever been given,” James said, his voice a little wobbly.

“Well, I think it’s worth making an effort for the ones you love.” Q said before looking through the telescope at their stars, not possible to see, but knowing that they were rotating around one another, up in the night sky. 

James went still. “Q?”

“What?” Q said, turning to look at him again. 

“Did you just tell me that you love me?” 

“Fuck,” Q covered his eyes with his hand in dismay, turning to drop onto the blanket beside James.

James raised his eyebrows, “Fuck? That wasn’t quite the response I was hoping for. Does that mean you didn’t mean to say it, or that you don’t actually love me?”

Q pursed his lips and dropped his head before turning it sideways, balanced on his forearm, which he braced on top of his knees to look at James, “Sorry. I mean, yes… I did just tell you that I loved you. The fuck was because that wasn’t how I wanted to happen. It just slipped out. And after all this time… bugger,” Q sighed and shook his head. 

James grinned. “How did you want to tell me? I mean I sort of already assumed that you did love me, or however someone describes that sort of feeling. People don’t go off on two month revenge vendettas for someone else unless they love you, and they don’t put up with all the shit that I’ve done unless they love you, and they don’t arrange to have some astrophysicist hack the IAU database to designate binary star systems unless they love you. So…” 

“I’ve wanted to say the words...” Q started.

“You didn’t need to say them.” James interrupted. 

“I do need to say them… properly.” Q said earnestly. “I love you.” His voice going deep and resonant as the emotion crept in heavy and warm. “And I have loved you for a very long time.” 

James heartbeat sped up hearing Q say the words, a swell of warm emotions flooding him. “Come here,” he reached for Q’s hand. It felt wrong to have this conversation with distance between them. “You know I love you too,” he said quietly as he tugged Q down next to him leaning into him to softly kiss him. “I’m glad it finally slipped out.” 

Q huffed and shook his head, leaning into James, his arms wrapped around him, his face buried in James’ shoulder. “I had it all planned. That’s why we are here.” Q lifted his head looking at James earnestly, “I wanted to tell you, I wanted it to be memorable and then it just slipped out.” 

James laughed, “Maybe it slipped out because you were finally ready to say it. But why now? Why this elaborate plan?”

Q sighed, “When we were in Germany and you said goodbye to me and walked out, you said you loved me. But you didn’t think I ever loved you back.” 

“Q,” James responded, pulling him close again, “I was angry, I didn’t know…”

“No, let me finish,” Q interrupted pushing back, “In that moment you were actually in a place where you believed that could be true. And you said that I never told you that I did, that I never told you that I loved you.” Q sighed. “And you were right.” 

“Q…” 

“But you need to know, it’s not something I can easily say. It’s not something I can easily understand. It’s not something I’ve said to anyone in a very long time. I never had very good role models for knowing how to love, how to recognize it, how to acknowledge it. You know the story of my parents.” Q took James’ hand in his, linking their fingers together as he held them up together in front of them, turning their hands, studying them before continuing. “There are so many times that I’ve wanted to say those words to you. The night you were mourning Alec, the first time you accidentally told me that you loved me by text and I told you it was just the estradiols.”

“It wasn’t the estradiols,” James laughed. 

“I know, it wasn’t for me either,” Q sighed, “I wanted to tell you in Greenwich when I learned you had written in the clause that you wouldn’t be with any other men, when you surprised me for my birthday and gave me Benjamin. And I wanted to say the words every single fucking time you left on a mission. But I couldn’t. I was afraid. And then I let it go too long.” Q sat up, looking directly at James, “And I so desperately wanted to say it when we first got back to London, but I was afraid you’d think I was saying it insincerely, that I was saying it to try to help…” Q paused trying to think of how to phrase it.

“I get it,” James nodded. 

Q sighed, “I didn’t want you hearing me say I love you to be wrapped up in anything else. And I had already waited so long to say it, it felt fake, it felt wrong to say it then.”

“So why now?” James asked. 

“Because this is where we were when I first realized it. When you came to find me, when you forced me to deal with my feelings. When you showed me that you thought I was worth the effort. No one had ever thought I was worth the effort.” Q shook his head, fighting back emotions. “But I couldn’t say it then. I just couldn’t. It was too soon for me. But I do love you James. I know it deep down inside. I will always love you.” Q brought their hands to his lap, leaning in again, turning his face into James’ neck, his vulnerability making him incredibly shy. 

“So when you said we had to finish what we started here, it wasn’t because we nearly had sex but then got interrupted by Moneypenny,” James said with a bit of a laugh in his voice, leaning back, catching Q’s face in his hands to place a kiss to his mouth. 

Q chuckled, “well there is that too. But no that wasn’t why I wanted us to come back here.” His hands came up to cover James’, tugging his hands from his face. Fingers entwined, he dropped his hands to the blanket beside his hip, pulling James with him, then let himself fall back to the blanket, James having no choice but to join him.

James rolled to his side, Q immediately rose above him, sliding his leg over James’ hooking his knee between them, before his hungry mouth found James’ eagerly open and waiting, a deep kiss shared as Q finally let all the feelings flow between them, no more barriers. No more resistance. 

“You are mine,” James murmured against Q’s mouth as Q pulled back, peppering smaller kisses to the corner of James’ mouth, to his cheeks, his jaw. “And I am yours. And I love you with all of my heart.” 

Q paused, pulling back to look down at James, realizing what James had just said. “I am yours and I love you, I love you, I love you.” Q smiled. Another kiss, and then Q laid his head on James’ chest, feeling his heartbeat against his cheek, letting the quiet settle between them as James drifted his fingers over the nape of Q’s neck and his shoulders looking skyward. Eventually Q rolled to lay his head on James’ arm, both of them looking up at the night sky, James reaching across with his other hand to link his fingers with Q, their hands held against James’ stomach until James lifted them together to point upwards. 

“Can you see them without the telescope?” 

Q took a breath, looking up more intently, knowing if he could find the Gemini constellation he could spot them. He searched the sky and finally lifted their entwined hands, leaning up to put his face right besides James’, cheek to cheek so he could make sure that where he was pointing their hands would align with both of their lines of sight. “There, do you see those two bright stars above where my finger is pointing?”

James nodded, “Yes.”

“Ours are just below that. They are faint to the naked eye, but if you hold your breath and don’t move, you might be able to split them and see them both. It’s hard if your eyes are moving at all.” Q took a breath and stopped talking trying to do it while he lay cheek to cheek with James, and for just a second he could resolve them, letting out his breath as he turned to kiss James’ on the cheek. “Did it work?”

James nodded, “I think so, but honestly, I like knowing when people look up at the sky and see two stars they’ll think they are seeing only one. I like thinking of us as just one.” He paused letting those words hang in the air, before adding playfully, “but I want to see them in the telescope again.” James sat up, pulling Q up beside him. “Show me our stars one more time, and then lets go inside. It’s going to get too cold out here soon, and I really want to make love to you tonight.” 

Q paused, the words James said sinking in. Then a slow, warm almost shy smile overtook him as he climbed back to his feet. James wanted to make love to him. In the past, they had sex, or they fucked, neither of them had ever said those particular words about what they shared physically with one another and Q now understood that it was because he had never said the words before and therefore James had avoided them. 

Q had a sudden fleeting regret, wondering if he had said the words sooner if anything would have been different between them all of these past months. But then he pushed the thought from his head, because there was no point. He couldn’t go back. He leaned down to adjust the telescope, realigning the coordinates based on the time that had passed, the earth’s rotation changing the location. “Here,” he stepped aside, “they are right there.” And as James stepped forward to look again, Q decided, that while he couldn’t go back and say the words sooner, he’d make sure he said them everyday going forward. 

~~~

James set the pace for the rest of the night. He was intent and persistent, but was in no mood to rush, and they took their time making their way to the bedroom once they had hauled the telescope and everything else back inside. The sweet casual way James reached for Q’s hand as they headed for the hall, not even turning back, just his arm stretched out behind him, cupped hand facing Q, fingers wiggling slightly. Q reached forward as he walked behind him just his fingertips touching the inside of James’ palm. Q reaching up with his other hand to brush the fringe from his eyes, the smallest of warm smiles on his slightly cocked head as he felt James’ fingers brush against his. 

James stopped in the doorway to the living room, leaning up against the door jamb, tugging Q closer to wrap his arm around him, a pause along the way to refresh the taste of Q on his tongue, a slow kiss that grew deeper and deeper, warming Q from the top of his brown wavy haired head to the tips of his toes. Q formed his entire body easily against James, not pressing, not limp, but like he would sublimate them into just one form if he could. It was only Benji’s insistent meow and then effort to leap from the back of the couch onto James’ shoulder that finally pulled them apart. 

“Bloody feline,” James huffed as Q stepped back, his face flushed, his entire body tingling. 

“We should feed them,” Q nodded, reaching up to scratch behind Benji’s ears making the cat twist in James’ arms to get closer to Q. Penelope sidling over to run her hips against Q’s calves, her tail swishing around his legs. 

As always only Eleanor watched sedately from afar, sleepy eyes from the couch cushion, until James headed for the kitchen, carrying Benji slung over his forearm, Penny trotting behind. “Come on Ellie, you too. You’re not going to want to miss this.” She perked up and jumped down to follow along. “You,” James turned briefly back towards Q, “head for the bedroom.” He used Benji as a pointer, swinging him to point down the hall. “I’ll meet you there after I fill their food dish.” 

Q nodded, “I’ll turn down the sheets.” 

“Just throw them on floor, that’s where they’ll end up anyway.” James laughed as he disappeared into the kitchen all three cats meowing. 

When James joined him in the bedroom, he was surprised to find Q was sitting on the bed, still dressed, waiting. James had a large tray, which included a variety of interesting items. Another bottle of wine with two glasses, a jar of nutella hazelnut spread, the tin of orange cranberry scones Q had made this morning before their debrief at MI6, several bananas, a jar of cashews, a tin of coconut oil, the tea kettle, two mugs and several tins of tea. 

“Why do you have the tea kettle?” Q looked at him mystified. 

“Because I don’t intend to leave the bedroom and en suite again until sometime mid day tomorrow, and I know you can’t live without tea in the morning. Why are you still dressed and not already in bed?” James asked his own question. 

Q stood up to help James navigate a place to put the tray and plug in the kettle. “Well, I started to undress, then I realized I really love it when you do it for me.” Q said making James smile. 

“Mmm,” James hummed. “Well I’m always happy to help with that. Come here.” 

James tugged him closer and pecked a quick kiss to his lips before reaching for the zipper on his cardigan, easing it off Q’s long arms and tossing it on the chair by the door. Then he went to work on the buttons on Q’s button down shirt. He’d already unbuttoned these once today, but this time was much easier as Q wasn’t constantly trying to stop him. Q just stood, watching and studying James’ face as James focused on the small mother of pearl buttons that ran down Q’s chest. The last button undone, James slid his hands inside, no rock band t-shirt this time hiding underneath, just Q’s warm smooth skin. His hands slid around Q’s waist, tugging the tails of his shirt up out of his trousers from the inside. But before he could slide his hands back around to push the shirt from Q’s shoulders Q lifted his arms between James’, his hands suddenly cupping James’ face, raising it to look at him intently, then stepping even closer to kiss him. “I love you,” Q brushed over James’ mouth with a whisper. He felt James’ breath stutter and it made him smile. 

“Say it again,” James murmured against Q’s lips before claiming another kiss, rocking Q’s neck back as he cupped his nape, suddenly feeling possessive. He let Q up for air and smiled when he heard, “I love you,” come again in the soft velvety dulcet tone that was Q’s voice. 

“I really never thought I was going to hear those words from you,” James brushed over Q’s jaw with his lips. Then reaching down he lifted Q, wrapping his legs around his waist to turn to the bed, laying him down on it and climbing over him, intending to snog him until he couldn’t breath. Clothes could come off slowly for all James cared tonight, he planned to take his time. 

Q’s hands pushed up beneath James’ shirt, fingers trailing over skin and muscles he could feel flex and pull as James kissed Q with his whole body; his chin turning to angle Q’s mouth against his own, his neck arching to push Q’s mouth higher, shoulders and chest shifting to slide further over the top of Q’s body, his hips twisting to press Q’s legs open beneath him, settling them even closer together as he pressed Q deeper into the mattress. Q thought just this could be enough to make him happy, this total possession as James claimed his mouth, his lips, his tongue, his skin, his bones, his heart. 

Until suddenly James was gone, pulling back, his hands crossing his own body to reach down, pulling his shirt up and over his body flinging it inside out onto the floor as he loomed over Q’s heaving chest, straddling his narrow hips with his thighs. He pushed Q’s shirt open, exposing his skin, the brown discs on Q’s chest pebbling hard from the rush of cool air and then the press of James’ hand, molding to his muscle, twisting the hard pearl of his nipple between his thumb and fore finger before James’ lips and teeth were there tugging and teasing. Q arched beneath him, his hands flying to the back of James’ head pressing him in trying to ease the flare of pain by pushing him closer, a hiss of pleasure escaping his mouth as his top teeth pressed to his bottom lip. “Fuck, James” Q groaned, his entire body now pressing up as he pushed his heels to the bed feeling James arms immediately slide under him, one hand sliding up his spine to his shoulder blades, the other sliding down to his arse, slipping inside his trousers, bringing Q’s body up against his own, suspended over the bed for just a moment before their weight brought them down together. “Guuhhh,” Q breathed the gutteral sound as James arched his hips, dropping and pressing deeper between Q’s legs, their trouser trapped cocks hard lined against one another, rolling his body needily with Q’s as they both gave into a surge of lust that made them move faster, James pushing faster to shed Q’s shirt, Q having to release the hard rake of his fingers over James’ back to free his arms of his sleeves as he heaved a breath of air into his lungs, James’ mouth sucking a line of toothy kisses up and down the taut muscle of his neck. 

“Pants,” Q whimpered. His upper body now bare he thrust his hands lower, his fingers clenching into the still clothed muscles of James’ arse as James’ continued to roll his hips deep between Q’s legs. 

“What about them,” James asked, barely breaking his hold on Q’s neck with his mouth, his tongue slipping out to dart into the supra sternal notch between Q’s distinct collar bones. 

“Off, we have to take them off,” Q laughed, then dropped his head back to the pillow at another particularly gratifying and yet frustrating roll of James’ groin against his own, still blocked by wool and denim and cotton depending on which layer you considered. 

“You do that part,” James said lifting his head to look down at Q, a cheeky confident, teasing smile on his face as he rolled away leaving Q suddenly bereft. 

Q followed immediately, rolling to his side and then sitting, his hands quickly running up the muscles of James’ abdomen and chest feeling James take a deep breath in surprise as Q just as quickly ran his hands back down, his palm cupping the hard bulge in James’ trousers making James jerk. “Yours first or mine?” Q smiled lasciviously. 

“I guess you get to pick,” he laughed, then grinned when Q reached for James’ belt buckle.

“You first,” Q raised his eyebrows at James cockily, buckle, button and zip all done quickly. “Lift your arse,” he said as he hooked his fingers into the sides of James’ trousers along his hips tugging. 

Quickly complying James was surprised when Q stripped him only of his trousers, pants still in place until he felt Q lean over to nuzzle against him, his nose pressed to the crease of his thigh and groin, his mouth humid as he pressed James’ legs wider with his hands, dragging his lips and tongue over the outline of James’ erection still trapped. “Christ,” James looked down at him, then closed his eyes and dropped his head back to the pillow, his hands coming up to cover his face after seeing Q look back at him, those huge almond shaped green eyes glittering in delight before winking at him just as he closed his lips into an o, taking the head of James’ cock between his mouth, sucking through the cotton that still separated them. 

Q didn’t tease him long, just enough to feel James’ hips jerk, before he hooked his hands under James’ thighs reaching below and then around to sink his hands into the elastic top and tug the back of James’ pants down, Q’s fingers digging into James’ muscled cheeks, his mouth still dragging over James’ covered cock. 

The sensations were driving James’ crazy. Q’s fingers scratching and kneading at his arse, direct contact with his skin, but his cock twitched in frustration. The moist heat of Q’s mouth, combined with his own leaking cock making the front of his pants damp, but the fabric between Q’s tongue and James’ cock made him twitch, his nerves not knowing how to interpret what was happening. “Please Q,” James hummed, making Q look up hearing the edgy waver in James’ voice. 

His hands still holding firm to James’ arse, Q leaned up and took the front of the elastic with his teeth, pulling down with his mouth, the tension of James’ trapped erection making the fabric pull tight until Q tugged harder and suddenly James was set free, his cock bouncing up along Q’s cheek. Immediately Q let go of the fabric and leaned up to swallow James deep into his mouth making James lie back with a groan of relief. Q humming in delight as he bobbed and sucked greedily, fingers now drifting lower to explore the sensitive skin behind James’ balls, his mouth following, sucking each one between his lips to let them pop free making James groan and twitch. 

“Don’t make me cum this way, I don’t want that yet,” James heaved as he felt his balls start to tighten, reaching down to thread his fingers into Q’s hair tugging him up. 

Q pulled back, licking his lips with a smile, a deep satisfied rumble in his throat. His hands now tugging James’ pants all the way down and off his legs, fingers drifting over ankles and up calves as he felt James flex and move above him. 

“Yours off. Now.” James proclaimed trying to sit up. 

But Q reached up with one hand to push back on James’ chest, straddled over James’ legs as he pressed up, his body straight, thighs flexed, reaching for his own belt to finish undressing. “I can do it,” Q smiled, the hand that had been on James’ chest meandering to drag a finger slowly down and then up James’ erection which bobbed against the thatch of blond hair trailing down from his navel, ending just in front of the vee of Q’s straddling thighs. 

“Are you going to do it today?” James asked, his voice suddenly sounding a bit strangled. 

Q looked at the clock, it was nearing midnight. “I don’t know, if I drag this out, it might just happen tomorrow.” 

James laughed. “Cock tease.” 

"Not intentionally," Q smiled as he slowly pulled his belt from its loops. 

"Right...go on then," James smirked, leaning back with his arms crossed behind his head to watch the proceedings. 

Q saw James settle back and knew it was meant as a challenge and Q never shied away from a challenge. It might be the only reason he had been successful in navigating this partnership. So Q smirked in response, and raised his eyebrows as he tossed his belt on the floor with James' clothes. Then with one hand he undid the button on the top of his trousers, pulling the zip down just enough to let him easily slide his fingers inside and take himself in hand, clearly pulling on his own cock, but not letting James see it. He saw James shift his lower jaw, biting down on his back teeth, his chest rising as he took in a full lung of air, his pupils dilating with want, but James didn't say anything. He just continued to watch. Q closed his eyes, arching his hips forward into his own hand as he straddled James' thighs, letting himself enjoy the feeling for a moment, stroking slowly. He only opened them when he felt James' legs twitch below him. James let out a loud exhale when he saw Q's lust filled eyes meet his. 

“Alright?” Q asked. 

"Just fine. Please continue," James teased him, "I'm enjoying the show." 

Q laughed, pulling his zip even lower, one hand still wrapped around his own cock, the other hand now slowly pushing his trousers down over his hips. He had to climb off James' lap, twisting sideways to prevent his trousers getting stuck half way from the splayed angle of his legs. But Q was nimble, and without moving his hand he now stood on the bed, pushing his trousers down until they flooded around his ankles, stepping out of them and kicking them to the floor, his blue boxer briefs still in place, hugging the trim muscles of his thighs. 

James just shook his head, "you are horrible." 

Q smiled, "you love me when I'm horrible." 

James snickered, "that is true, but I think you love me even more." 

Q sighed, "I wish I didn't, I hate to reinforce that behaviour, but it's true. You are surprisingly charming when you are being horrible." 

"Only for you," James smiled. "Now are you really going to stand there in your pants all night?" 

Q glanced at the clock. He was stalling, waiting for midnight, just to wind James up with his obstinance. Then he spotted the tray of snacks. 

James saw him look sideways and figured out what he was doing, reaching out to grab Q's ankle and yank him down to the bed making Q yelp and laugh. "Oh no you don't!! Stay here! And I know you are running down the clock. That's just cruel to actually wait for tomorrow." 

“But there are snacks!” Q laughed. 

“It’s too early in the evening for a snack break.” James chuckled.

“What do you mean it’s too early? It’s almost TOMORROW!” Q looked at the clock. “Oh wait, will you look at that, turns out I did wait to take off my pants until tomorrow. It’s officially after midnight now.” He laughed again. 

James shook his head, then took matters into his own hands and quickly stripped Q's legs, the two of them now with their feet at the headboard, heads at the foot of the bed. James decided Q’s attention needed a bit of redirection, as he snogged him back to the mattress taking Q’s cock in his own hand, stroking him firmly making Q groan. James was intentional, letting go of Q just long enough to spit into his palm, needing lubrication before continuing. His other hand quickly wrapped around both of Q's wrists, raising Q's arms to stretch out his body, brushing his nose into Q's armpit, inhaling the musky smell before licking a stripe from his ribs to the curve of his bicep. Q groaned, all of his senses suddenly alight. 

James read Q's responses carefully, as Q rolled his shoulders, his hands flexing against James’ grip but he wasn’t trying to get away. “Do that again,” Q hummed. 

“Which part?” James asked. “This?” he stroked Q’s cock more firmly, “or this?” as he ran his nose under Q’s arm, his tongue following behind. 

“Fuck,” Q squirmed. 

James felt Q arch, and his hips tremble. Q was getting close. James pushed his hand hard around the base of Q’s cock. “Don’t cum,” he warned him. “Not yet.” 

Q pushed his hips hard to the mattress, trying to maintain control. “Bloody hell! Why not?” Q gasped. “You know I have a fast refractory period, I can do it again.” 

“Don’t,” James said again, biting down on Q’s bicep. “Just don’t.” 

Q turned to him, rolling his body against James, “then make it worth my while.” 

“With pleasure,” James smiled. “On your knees Q.” He demanded as he sat up. 

“That seems rather sudden.” Q laughed. 

“Not at all. We’re not fucking yet. I’m just hungry. You mentioned snacks.” James winked at him as he grabbed Q’s hips and rolled him onto his stomach then quickly climbed behind him lifting his hips until Q could get his knees under him, his arse suddenly high in the air. James wasted no time. Lips, tongue, fingers all dancing, making a meal of Q’s tender skin. Q gripped the sheets trying to focus and not give in to the sensations and the sounds James was making as he hummed and licked and nibbled and bit, the pleasure coursing through Q’s nerves. Q’s gasps and swallowed moans as he arched his lower back trying to respond just encouraged James, his hands gripping Q’s hips to hold him still, until suddenly he let go and was gone, climbing off the bed. 

“Where the bloody hell are you going?” Q raised his head, his face flushed, his hair wild. 

James paused to take in the incredibly erotic view as he smiled and raised his eyebrows in response before reaching for the coconut oil. 

“You want my arse to taste like a coconut?” Q laughed, dropping his head to his forearms before looking back up at James. 

“I like coconut,” James said before climbing back onto the bed, screwing off the lid. One finger dipping into the oil, before reaching for Q’s hip, fingers sliding between the globes of Q’s flushed cheeks to spread the oil warmly all around, dipping inside, making Q arch his back in response. The oil going from translucent white to oily clear as Q’s warm skin melted it immediately. James grinned before leaning in to taste, his tongue swirling and dipping, Q huffing a moan at the sensation. Q quickly reached below to stroke himself, making James let go of Q’s hip, reaching down to grab Q’s wrist to pull it up and hold against Q’s lower back, stopping him, not pausing to chastise him. 

Q buried his face in the blankets before trying to turn sideways the sensations nearly too much, especially as James held him off, no touch for his aching erection. “Bloody hell,” Q groaned, his legs suddenly going out from underneath him as he fell flat to the mattress. James just followed him down, his own arse now arched to the ceiling before sliding down flat behind Q, both hands now free to grip and mold Q’s cheeks, separating them with his fingers to lap more broadly against Q’s fluttering skin, Q thrashing below him at the increased exposure, trying to find relief against the sheets. 

James came up for a breath of air, “stop squirming,” he laughed. Reaching for another dollop of coconut oil. “You’re making me chase you.” 

Q went lax at the momentary reprieve, his face sideways on the mattress, already flushed with pleasure, “Enough, James enough,” he whimpered. “Just fuck me already, I want to cum.” 

But James just raised his eyebrows and shook his head, a smug look on his face, “not yet.” Before pushing Q’s legs wider, and easing himself back down between his thighs, his hands now gently kneading and massaging Q’s back side, running over his hips, his thighs, his knees. James pushed up, sitting back on his heels, bending Q’s legs one at a time, Q’s knee to the bed, his ankle now perpendicular as James ran his hands up Q’s lean calves, exploring his toes, running his fingers over the arch of each foot. Q’s body relaxed below him, his muscles going soft in James’ hands as Q sighed with pleasure. Slowly his entire lower body beginning to shine as James hands touched him every where. 

“You’re not falling asleep on me?” James questioned as he saw Q close his eyes. 

“No, but this feels so very good,” Q said, his voice soft. 

James smiled and let Q’s foot go back to the bed, climbing further up, his fingers back in the coconut oil to then smooth into the muscles of Q’s back and shoulders. His fingers pinching the nape of Q’s neck making him groan. 

“Turn over,” James hummed against his ear, biting at the lobe. 

Q sighed, rolling to his back, James hands immediately roaming the front of his body. His arms, his fingers, each one kissed, licked, sucked, caressed. His chest, each rib trailed with strong hands. Q could feel the intensity and deliberate exploration as he responded to the pressure of James’ fingers. He opened his eyes, catching James’ as they watched each other, the deep stormy blue of James’ probing and holding the dark jade green of Q’s. Q’s eyes fluttered briefly, his chin turning when James’ hands ran back up the inside of Q’s thighs, fingers cupping his balls before trailing up to the crown of his weeping cock. 

“Do I get to return this attention to you?” Q murmured as James moved on, his hands now sliding over hipbones, Q’s hand reaching for James’ arms, wanting to pull him close. 

“You’ve already done this for me. It’s how you brought me back to myself, in our shower, in our bed.” 

Q looked at James’ intently, listening to his words. Everything James now said was possessive, and plural, ours, us, we. 

“I’ve been waiting for the chance to do this for you, we never take the time for this.” James said quietly, lifting Q’s hand again, turning it to kiss the palm of his hand, his tongue sliding over the pulse point of his wrist. 

Q took a deep breath, emotion threatening to spill over. His eyes went wet and he pulled his hand away, pushing up on the bed, James sitting back as Q came up in front of him, Q’s thighs bracketing his own. Q’s hands reached for James, sliding over his shoulders, one hand immediately on the nape of James’ neck tugging him close, until he could bring him close enough to cup his face in his hands and kiss him. “I love you.” 

James heaved a heavy breath, hearing Q say the words still not real in his mind. “Say it again,” James whispered against Q’s lips. His arm now sliding around Q’s waist to his back. 

“I love you James.” And then Q was falling as James pressed him back to the mattress, his lips pressed open, James pushing a needy kiss, his tongue sliding into his mouth. His thighs pressed open, one of James hands slipping down between his legs, his fingers pushing deeply inside Q’s oil slicked arse, James’ fingertip brushing Q’s prostate making Q moan, pulling James’ tongue deeper into his mouth as he sucked greedily around it with his own. 

And then his fingers were gone, James’ hips pressing forward, the head of his cock pushing, Q yielding, feeling James press deep inside, finally filling him, as Q wrapped his legs higher, holding him close, every part of their bodies pressed hard and warm against each other. 

James groaned into Q’s mouth, his hips jerking back and then forward replanting himself as Q arched. They lay entwined, joined as one, shared breath, shared skin, shared bones. Until James pulled back just a bit, “I need space to move love, I want to move inside of you.” 

Q relaxed his legs and let his arms slide lower on James’ shoulders, going soft below him. “Yes,” he hummed in reply. 

And as James stared down into his lover’s eyes, he moved, his hips sliding back to push forward again, jarring both of their bodies with each thrust. Over and over, until Q’s eyes rolled back, his chin coming up lost in the pleasure. James finally giving in, his hand finding Q’s cock between them, slicking him, encouraging him, as he made love to him, until Q cried out in pleasure, his muscles going taut, the heavy ribbons of cum spilling over James’ hand making James thrust harder and faster chasing his own release as Q panted, following him, filling him, falling lax against him, both spent and flushed and overwhelmed. 

Q didn’t want to move, but James wouldn’t let him support all of his weight for long. His arms wrapped around him, James rolled them both, his cock slipping from Q’s body, the flood of his cum now slicking Q’s thighs as Q slid to the side, his head on James’ shoulder. 

“Bloody hell,” James whimpered making Q laugh. 

Q couldn’t move, he didn’t care about the mess between his legs, he didn’t care that their sheets were stained with half a container of coconut oil. He just curled closer, his hand reaching across James to stroke the soft skin of his waist, his thumb making circles on James’ hip bone. 

James lifted his chin and turned to look at Q, placing another kiss to Q’s lips. 

Q laughed, “you taste like a pina coloda.” 

James snickered, “Your entire body tastes like a pina colada. I should have put one of this little umbrellas in your arse.” 

Q started to laugh until his entire body was vibrating as he giggled, making James start to laugh with him. “I’m coating you in nutella next.” Q said in between gasps of laughter. Coconut and chocolate go well together don’t they?” 

“They do, yes,” James nodded, laying his head back on the pillow, one arm thrown up over his head, the other wrapped around Q’s shoulders. He couldn’t remember ever feeling happier or more in love.

~~~

By the time they emerged from the bedroom the next day the cats were nearly frantic. Benjamin was bouncing off the walls and Penelope was right behind him. They stopped when they heard the door to the bedroom open, both running to find Q and James. 

“Oh come on you two,” Q said picking up Penelope, “you three…” he clarified looking for Eleanor. “Let’s get you some more food.” Then he laughed when he realized James already had Eleanor in his arms, and she seemed to be very intrigued by the smell of coconut and nutella that still coated his skin, licking a spot behind his ear. 

“I think one shower wasn’t enough,” James laughed. 

Q grinned, “we can always take another one.” He watched as Eleanor put her paws on James’ shoulder standing up, trying to lick his temple. “Or you could just let Eleanor lick you all over I suppose.”

James snickered as he pulled Ellie away from his face, tucking her into his elbow, “nah, I like it better when you do that, her tongue is like sandpaper, yours is much better.” 

Q blushed and leaned over to kiss James as they entered the kitchen, then swiped a lick up his cheek making James laugh. 

 

~~~

The dull patter of rain on the windows made for a cold and quiet afternoon and made them both introspective. James busied himself as he made a pot of tea while Q sorted options for dinner. James turning to comment, “imagine if the rain had come yesterday, you wouldn’t have been able to show me our stars last night.”

Q chuckled and shook his head, “you really think I didn’t check the weather? There was a reason I was so insistent we go to MI6 early yesterday and that I informed Eve immediately after that, that we were leaving. I knew last night was my only opportunity this weekend, so we had to leave by early afternoon to get here in time. We couldn’t wait.” 

James smiled, “of course you checked.” Then he added, “Does the fireplace in the living room work?” 

Q nodded. “There’s wood under the eaves out back.”

“I’m going to start a fire, we can spend the afternoon on the couch.” James was nesting, easy contentment filling his mind. 

When Q came to join him, he found James kneeling on the hearth, poking at the flames as they danced, the golden light framing James’ silhouette. James heard him and turned, quickly standing, replacing the fire tool in the stand, brushing his hands on his trousers, a soot spot now streaked across this thigh. 

“Tea?” Q offered, two steaming mugs in hand. 

“Yes please,” Bond answered, sitting, shifting into the deep corner of the overstuffed couch, Ellie immediately at his elbow he shifted her quickly, patting the space between his outstretched legs in invitation to Q. “Come here.” 

Q smiled and turned to take his place, his back to James’ chest, his mop haired head resting on James’ shoulder as they sat watching the fire together in contented silence. James’ hand rested against Q’s stomach, his fingers caressing the bit of bare skin he could find between the gaped buttons of Q’s shirt that had come loose from his trousers when he sat down. Q’s hand wrapped around James’ calf, his fingers stroking James’ ankle, swirling around the knobby bones, finding the scar where he had stitches after a surgery to repair it after a hard fall many years ago. Q knew every scar on James’ body and all the stories that accompanied them. 

The two men were quiet as they watched the flames flicker in the fireplace, both at peace and lost in their own thoughts, until Q filled the silence, because now that he had said the words, he wanted to say the again and again.

“I love you.” 

He felt James chest rise with a deep breath. “I love you too.”

“When did I last say the words?” Q asked, as he twisted his shoulder so he could turn his face up to look at James. The look on James’ face made Q’s heart pang with emotion again. 

“In the kitchen, while we were making tea. At least twenty minutes ago. So really, it’s been a while. Say it again,” James murmured as he kissed the top of Q’s hair, pulling him closer. 

“I love you,” Q said again quietly. James’ cheek now rested against his hair as he pulled his hand free from Q’s and wrapped both arms around him to hold him close as Q pulled his knees up curling even closer, sideways in James’ lap. “I need you to know it,” Q said earnestly, turning his chin up to James, making him lift his head so Q could look at him. “I need you to believe it and trust it and to hold onto it deep inside, or I don’t think I can actually be this new person MI6 wants me to be.” 

“00Q,” James smiled a sarcastic half smile as he ran his fingers over Q’s cheek. 

“Yes, but only when I have 007 by my side,” Q whispered. 

“I will always be by your side.” 

“Promise?” Q asked, lifting his mouth looking for a reassuring kiss, which James offered easily. 

James nodded as he eagerly scootched them down the length of the cushions together, all three cats grudgingly having to scatter as one pair of blue striped socks, and another pair of soft gray wool invaded their end of the couch. 

“Oh my love, I promise,” James whispered, before brushing his lips over Q’s again and again. “Always.” 

~~~

From Q’s personal notebook-

He is mine and I am his. I love him and he loves me. I have never felt more whole and happy and content and at peace. But I’m also full of energy and exuberance and unbounded joy. I cannot wait for tomorrow and the next day and the day after that, because my life is so very full and I am so very lucky to have James as my partner to share all of this with. I hope this is only the beginning…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear readers, if you've made it all the way to the end, Thank you. 
> 
> Thank you for reading all of these words and for going on this journey with these characters. 
> 
> If you enjoyed it, please let me know, I would love to hear from you. 
> 
> This has been an exhausting effort, and I have no doubt a good editor would have made me cut this in half. But I wrote what my heart told me to write, so I do hope you'll forgive me all the indulgences. 
> 
> It's been so very hard to bring this to a close, because I don't want to say goodbye to them. Perhaps they'll have adventures to share in the future, and I'm reserving the rights to revisit them, should inspiration strike. 
> 
> Many thanks for reading. 
> 
> ~Lily


	53. Pride

Sooo... this isn't really the 53rd chapter of Labnotes. I truly did bring this novel to a close, I promise. But I also promised if inspiration struck that I'd continue to share little one off stories about their adventures and they've been whispering in my ear lately as Pride month and the upcoming Pride parades in the US and in London are happening soon. 

Many of you subscribed to this specific work, so I'm posting this here just to give you all a heads up that if you do want to follow their continuing adventures, you might want to know I've now set it up as a series and I'll add works as inspiration strikes as individual pieces. 

Thanks again to all of you who have read my work and shared their thoughts. It really does mean the world to me to know others love these two as much as I do. I hope you like the new one. 

So, if you are curious to know what happens when Q gets a hold of glitter paint, you should go find "Pride".


End file.
